Mulder reached back, trying to pry Scott's ankles apart, but they were locked tighter than Brittany Spear's chastity belt. Scott sighed, enjoying the squirming, which made Mulder move around inside him in VERY interesting ways. "Dude, I like what you're doing, but you ain't going anywhere, believe me." Krycek had his shirt off and was unbuckling his belt. "He's right, Mulder. The boy's legs may be a bit short..."
"Sorry, cupcake, but let's face it: you're short. That only makes you more adorable."
"All right, then."
"As I was saying, short, but VERY muscular."
"Track. Normally I hate physical exertion if it isn't sex, but with my Dad and Mini Me and Fat Bastard around, being able to run fast is a good idea. Fuck, it's a survival tactic."
"This is all fascinating, but LET GO!" Mulder pinched Scott on the hip, and the boy yelped.
"Hey! You gotta agree on a safe word before you start the S and M shit, Mulder!"
There was a jingle as Krycek's trousers hit the floor. "Oh, crap! PLEASE let go."
Scott grinned. "Beg."
There was the double thunk of Krycek's shoes hitting the floor. Mulder looked back in time to see him sliding his underwear down. "Shit! Pleasepleaseplease!"
"Why, you little..." Scott squeezed. "fine ass bastard. Oo." "Mulder," Scott braced his arms on the bed and shoved up at the agent, impaling himself even deeper. "Why do you think I'm doing this? For my health? To earn a boy scout badge?"
"Meritorious Humping," Krycek commented, going to search the night stand.
"It sure would solve a lot of the crap they've had about gay scoutmasters, I guess. Anyway, I do this because I LIKE IT. I don't do things I don't like. Ask Number Two. He spent most of my life trying to nag me into cleaning my room every day. Or Dad. He's been trying to get me to join the Future Evil Geniuses of America for ages. Like I'd be part of something called FEGA."
"Look, kid, I may be a psychologist, but I don't do family counseling."
"Geek. My point is, this feels GOOD. Try it, you'll like it."
"You're not fooling me. I'm old enough to remember the rest of that commercial. The guys says, 'So I tried it. Thought I was gonna die.'"
"Since when do you trust Madison Avenue? Dude, they're the ones who tried to convince us that New Coke was a good thing."
Mulder paused in his struggles to look thoughtful. "You know, I'm pretty sure that was some sort of a conspiracy. My theory is that they wanted to change the formula, so they pulled it off the market and gave us crap, then pretended to cave in to consumer demand and put the reformulated soft drink back on the market, knowing that the addicts would be too desperate to notice a subtle difference, and..."
"Alex, will you hurry up and fuck him? Maybe that will shut him up."
Alex had found the Astroglide, and was squeezing some out onto his fingers. "Don't count on it." Mulder yelped and jumped as Alex stroked his ass. "Oh, come on, Fox. I'm warming it up."
"Look, there are definite consent issues going on here, Alex," Fox said desperately. His voice rose in pitch as Alex gently parted his buttocks. "SERIOUS consent issues."
"Okay, Fox, so I won't fuck you."
"WHAT?" Scott reared up to glare at him. "Look, man, this was for your benefit. I mean sure, I'd have screwed him anyway, but I would have preferred face down or doggy style. Missionary is a bitch on my back when I really get going, and..." Alex had his eyebrows raised, and was holding a finger to his lips behind Mulder's back. "Uh... okay. But I'm telling you, Mulder, you're depriving yourself."
"Fox, I'm just going to give you a little bit of a massage while you finish up with Scott, okay?"
"Well..." Krycek kneaded his ass, and Fox's expression went slack with pleasure. "Yeah, that would be okay. I mean, guys get massages from other guys in gyms all over the world, right?"
"Right," agreed Krycek, working his fingers on the pale globes. "Gyms, saunas, bath houses, hot tubs..."
"Alex, where the hell do you think that finger is going?"
"Not really many places for it TO go, is there? Relax. I'm gonna give you a colonic massage. Very relaxing."
"I've never heard of it."
"Scully usually keeps up on these sort of things, and she hasn't said a word about it."
"It's not in her field of expertise. It's for health purposes, Mulder."
"Oh. Well, if it's for health purposes... Ooo..."
His hips jerked as a slick finger slid into his rectum, and Scott said dreamily, "Thank you, Alex."
Mulder was panting. As Alex worked the finger back and forth he gasped, "Alex, you're moving it."
"Duh," said Scott. "Massage usually involves moving the hands, doesn't it?"
"I guess so."
"I'm not reaching the area that needs attention." Krycek gripped Mulder's hip with his other hand and pressed a second finger into the narrow channel.
Mulder whined. "Krycek, that feels a little uncomfortable."
"Of course it does. Deep, penetrating massage makes you ache a little before the good feeling sets in, surely you know that?"
"I guess, but I'm not sure I want..." Krycek pushed very hard, crooking his fingers, and fireworks went off, both in Mulder's head and his crotch.
"Damn, Alex, do it again!" said Scott, watching Mulder in fascination. "I think he's speaking in tongues."
"I knew he was going to be noisy when he got started. He's probably noisy when he jerks off."
"Maybe we can find out later?"
"Let's concentrate on getting through this first." Alex shoved again, and Mulder whimpered, trying to push back to meet him. "Mulder, how's the massage going?"
"I said, do you want to continue?"
"You know, I think that you might benefit from really, REALLY deep massage."
"You mean you can go deeper than this?"
"Yes, with the proper, er, instrument."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Look, Scully is always griping at me to take better care of myself, so this is one thing I can do for my health. It IS for my health, right?"
"I promise you that it's the best tension and stress reliever known to man."
"Then do it." "Yeah, bring on the equipment," Scott crowed. "But don't forget to put the protective shield on."
Mulder was babbling. "Yeah, if it's going to be an invasive procedure, you should go through the whole sterilizing regime, but that takes a lot of time."
"Frau says human spit is an antiseptic." Krycek leaned around Mulder to stare at Scott, who shrugged. "She did whenever she wanted to clean my face when we weren't near a sink."
Mulder and Krycek exchanged looks. "No," Alex assured him. "Not this time, anyway. I think it's a mother-propaganda thing. Look, Mulder, concentrate on screwing Scott, and I'll finish this up for you, okay? Just hold still for a second so I can get the instrument in place."
Mulder moaned as the 'instrument' was pressed up inside him. Alex moaned, too. Fox said, "Alex? What's wrong, why are you making that noise? Did you put it in wrong?"
"Does it FEEL like I put it in wrong?"
"Fine. Shut up and I'll turn it on."
"I thought HE was gonna turn it on." Scott smirked.
Alex jerked his hips, driving deep into Mulder, which in turn shoved him deeper into Scott, which brought a yelp from everyone involved. "Smart ass kid. Teach him a lesson, Mulder. Screw his brains out."
"But Krycek, he's so cute." Scott stuck his tongue out at him. His timing was perfect. It inspired a flurry of short, hard strokes that had him howling with pleasure. Krycek did a little howling himself, because Mulder's back strokes drove him back on Krycek's prick. "Man, Krycek, you're GOOD at this! Did you take training?"
"Some, but it's mostly self taught. Okay, now we need to go for the glandular secretions to, uh, cleanse you. Yeah, that's right. It's clean your pipes. Let's see if I can trigger it."
Alex threw himself against Mulder, throwing Mulder against Scott. Just before he did, Scott unhooked his feet. It never occurred to Mulder to try to get away now. Scott stretched, but his legs were way too short to reach around Alex, too, but he managed to wiggle his heels encouragingly against the dark haired agent's sides.
"I think he's almost there, Alex," Scott yelled. "You get his balls, I'll get his nipples." Mulder made more noise than the monkey house when half the females are in estrus and the other half has PMS when they started the double assault. Scott's fingers sought out the sharp points on his chest at the same time Alex reached down between his legs and tickled his testicles.
Mulder came like the fourth of July, complete with Roman candles and sparklers. Scott and Krycek weren't far behind. Soon they were a pile of sweaty, sated flesh. Scott grunted. "Guys? Oxygen." Alex pulled back, then sort of heaved the limp Mulder off Scott and onto the bed before lying down on his other side. They all panted, their breathing gradually slowing to normal.
Fox murmured. "Krycek? Is there a local gym in D.C. where they do this sort of massage? I didn't see it on the list of services offered by Gold's Gym."
"No, you usually have to go to a specialist for this. If you decide you're really interested, I can provide you with a few contacts."
"Is it expensive?"
"No, I can pretty much guarantee you that the guys I'm thinking about won't charge you. In fact, you'll probably get a nice dinner and maybe a movie out of it." Fox blinked, and Scott said, "You're confusing him, man."
Mulder sat up, and winced. He looked down at his right hip and rubbed a sore spot. "Damn, I got a bruise."
"Sorry about that," Alex apologized. "You were moving around a lot, and I had to get a good grip."
"Oh. Ow." Mulder rubbed his left hip. "Damn, you left finger marks when you..." His face went blank. "Wait a minute." He looked at his right hip. Then his left hip. Then his right hip. "If you were holding on to BOTH hips..."
"Yes?" Krycek smiled at him.
Scott rested his chin on his thigh, smiling up at him also. "Why are you griping? Do you see ME complaining about the bruises you put on MY hips?"
"But I wasn't giving you a colonic massage, I was..." He trailed off.
Scott held his fist over his head, then spread the fingers sharply. "FLASH! Lightbulb time."
Mulder cleared his throat, then said, "Oh, yeah, I remember. I banged the rental car door against my side when I shut it. You remember that, don't you, Alex?"
"Well, I did."
"Mulder, lay back down and shut up. I want to take a nap." Scott shoved Mulder's torso flat on the bed, then squirmed around till he had his head on Mulder's belly and his legs draped across Krycek's waist.
Mulder twitched a little at the soft tickle of the black, spiky hair. "Uh, Scott? Thanks, but you do realize that this was purely an experiment."
"I mean, a person needs to be open minded enough to try new experiences, even if they don't intend to ever do it again."
"Erm." Alex tickled Scott's kneecaps, earning a giggle and a gentle kick, before the other FBI agent also closed his eyes.
Mulder was starting to feel drowsy also. "Because I'm not gay."
"No, really. I'm not even bi. I was just curious, and now my curiosity is satisfied." He sighed voluptuously. "Boy, is it satisfied. So, we can all just kind of pretend this didn't happen. Right?"
Krycek sighed. "Mulder, you are SO Egyptian."
"What's that supposed to mean."
Scott cracked one eye and managed one more smirk before drifting off to sleep. "Never mind, Cleopatra. Just get your asp to sleep."