General Disclaimer; you know the routine: Paramount owns these characters. I'm merely using them. I'm not making any money off of them. I just liked some of the other stories I've read in this section, and wanted to contribute one of my own. It would be great if something like this actually happened on Voyager, but, from the viewpoint of ratings and general homophobia, Paramount feels it could stand to lose its ratings (and big bucks) if it does. Oh, well.

Anyway, it's still nice of them to give us something interesting to do! One note of warning: While the story presented here does not contain any actual sex scenes (awwww), it does contain references to actual sex scenes (that's better), between two consenting males. If you don't like the sound of this, don't read it. Also, if you're under 18, you shouldn't be reading this (but I don't think that means you don't plan on it).

"Harry?"

The sound of the voice he had not heard in a long time startled him so much that he let out a shout and tumbled out his chair. He quickly looked up and gaped at what he saw. There, in the corner, looking very much alive, was Tom.

"Tom?" he asked, softly at first, afraid to believe. "Tom, is that you?"

"Who else?" Tom replied, with a grin. That did it. Harry jumped up and ran into Tom's arms, crying out of happiness and relief. He held on tight, never wanting to let go, afraid of losing this precious person once again. "Oh, Tom, I've missed you," he choked, somewhere between sobs and laughter and giddiness.

Tom embraced him back, equally as hard but soothing at the same time. "Oh, Harry, me too," Tom replied, and they kissed passionately, the kiss of lovers too long held apart, full of relief and dizzy happiness and joy and pain and desire. They fell to the ground, rolling and moaning, filled with nothing but lust and desire for each other.

Harry looked at Tom and thought, gods, he's so beautiful. I never realized how much I missed him until now.

They kissed again, fumbling at each other's clothes, not wanting to let go for it had been too long, too long.

Suddenly, Tom was gone.

"Tom?" Harry asked, puzzled. He turned around, and came face to face with--

Oh, NO! He was on the bridge again, again, watching the main viewscreen with the tiny shuttlecraft against the giant anomaly. Harry's heart beat hard as he knew what was going to happen next. He had to prevent it from happening, somehow! Losing Tom once was enough, but again; no, he couldn't bear it again! He tried to move, but found he couldn't; found time had sloooowwwweeeed down, and his heart thumped out the rhythm of every distorted second. Thump, thump...

"Janeway to Paris," the captain called. Thump, thump. "Tom, can you hear me?"

No! No! It was happening again! Shut up! he wanted to scream at Janeway. Don't say it and maybe it won't happen, maybe my whole life won't have to be over again! Don't torture me this way, please! But time had no mercy, forced him to watch again.

There was no reply from the other end.

Harry knew what was coming. He tried to move but he couldn't. Thump, thump, thump, thump...

And then, without warning, the shuttlecraft exploded, right before their eyes, a fiery ball of gas and debris flying out in every direction.

"NO!" Harry shouted. "Damn it, not again! Not AGAIN!"


Harry shouted and shot up, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding loudly. Outside his windows, the stars slowly scrolled past. He could hear the slight vibration from Voyager's impulse engines as she glided smoothly through space. His whole body ached, not with a physical pain, but with the emotional burning that comes only with losing a loved one. It could be a terrible feeling, love, when not satisfied. Harry sighed and lay back down on his pillow. His love had not been satisfied for five years, ever since ...that...had happened. He had thought he might finally be moving on, accepting his loss, but now, with the resurfacing of this dream--the same one he'd had every night for three months after Tom's death--he knew he wasn't.

And why should he be over it? Be over Tom? Be over his fair skin, his beautiful face, his blue eyes? Be over the great sex? Be over the overwhelming sense of security of knowing that he was Tom's? That Tom loved him? Never!

"God, Tom," Harry breathed. "How I miss you." But there was no answer, except for the resounding silence; except for the cold vacancy of the spot next to him on the bed.

For the first time in five years, Harry Kim cried himself to sleep.


The door chime sounded. Harry took one last look at himself in the mirror, then moved to the door, which swished open to allow him out. B'Elanna was waiting for him there, dressed as he was, in a formal uniform. She grasped his hand firmly, trying to be comforting. Harry felt hollow. He'd had five years to deal with...it...and he didn't think that this duty would upset him. He hoped not.

"It's time," she stated quietly, leading him out of his quarters.

Harry pursed his lips in determination and nodded briskly. The two walked down Voyager's corridors, hand in hand. B'Elanna looked at Harry in concern.

"You going to be all right?" she asked.

"Yeah," Harry said. He knew it would not be easy, what he was about to do, but it was necessary. After all, it was for a friend. He could tell that B'Elanna felt awkward. He imagined that it was only natural. Considering what had happened five years before, and considering now, it was a reasonable concern.

As they entered the turbo lift, the chief engineer looked into his eyes searchingly. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"Deck six," Harry said to the computer, and the lift began to move. "I'll be fine," he told B'Elanna. Will I? he asked himself. Can I really be fine now that I've lost another good friend? Ah, but he had been more than a friend. So much more. First Tom and now Kes. He felt a sudden pain flare up in the pit of his stomach and tensed. "Maybe you're right," he acknowledged. "Maybe I won't be fine."

"Too late to worry about that now," B'Elanna answered as the lift door parted.

Harry tried to resolve his strength, and stepped out of the lift. He managed to get down the hall, but faltered at the doors. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he admitted.

"It's okay," she replied soothingly, and led him in.

The Holodeck was not running Neelix's usual resort program, but was decorated in quiet, somber tones. Several members of the crew were milling quietly about, comforting Neelix or talking in low tones. Captain Janeway strode up to them, her usually even, measured strides somewhat more subdued.

"Glad you could make it," she whispered to Harry. "I know how you must feel."

"I'll manage," Harry replied. Out of habit, he scanned the crowd for Tom, but stopped himself quickly. That was in the past. Despite that fact, however, the heat in his stomach grew in intensity. He felt lonely, though B'Elanna was at his side and a multitude of people surrounded him. No one can ever mend this hole in me, he thought despairingly. I can put on a smile, wear a happy face, but underneath the facade I'll always be hurting.

Harry felt more depressed than he ever had. How many more people would die on this ill- fated mission before Voyager returned home? How many more friends? How many more...like Tom? He felt his stomach turn; felt the burning inside him start to creep up from his stomach.

"Harry, wake up!" B'Elanna hissed. He shook his head, breaking the reverie. "We should try and help Neelix deal with this. Remember how he...and Kes helped you when Tom died?"

Harry nodded, mentally cursing himself for not having thought the same thing. It was only a considerate thing he could have done. "Of course," he answered, and they made their way over to the distraught Talaxian.

"How are you holding up, Lieutenant?" B'Elanna asked.

Neelix sniffed, wiping at his eyes, and forced a smile. "Oh, I'm doing all right. I knew it was bound to happen, you know. Ocampans are known for having the shortest life span in the quadrant. Still"-- and his bottom lip quivered-- "I'm going to miss her!" He began to sob loudly into a handkerchief.

B'Elanna patted him on the back.

"We all will," she said comfortingly. "She was a good person."

Neelix sniffed and nodded and dried his eyes. "Tell me, Harry, was it like this when you lost Tom?"

Harry blinked, taken aback by the question. Up until now, he had been thinking about his lost lover, lost in the memories, trying to connect them with the dreams he kept on having. "Well, yes," he admitted. "I guess I must have worn B'Elanna out, crying for days on end."

"It wasn't that bed, except when the furniture started floating away," she quipped.

Neelix nodded, curiosity on his face, the sopping handkerchief in his hand. "How long did it take you to get over it?" he asked, a hopeful look in his eye.

Harry faltered. Never, he thought. I never got over it. I don't think I ever will. But he didn't want to tell this to Neelix; he was already feeling bad enough. Finally, he said, "Tom was--a big part of me. When he...died, he left a big gap that I don't think anyone else will ever be able to fill."

"But that's good," B'Elanna added quickly, noting Neelix's stricken look. "It means you'll always have special memories of them, right, Harry?"

Harry nodded absent-mindedly, remembering Tom's death. If only things had gone differently! If only he'd been able to prevent Tom's death, somehow. If only--

"Mr. Kim," came the captain's voice. "I believe it's time."

He nodded quickly.

B'Elanna gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Good luck," she whispered.

The crowd quieted down as he moved to the podium; all eyes were on him expectantly. He waited until everyone had found a seat and then cleared his throat, looking around uncertainly. B'Elanna flashed him a quick smile from her seat and he took strength from that. He would need it for what he was about to do.

"We are gathered here today," he began, his voice faltering somewhat. The burning agony he felt had stretched its way into his throat, forming a knot. Tears formed on the edges of his vision, and he fought them back. When he felt he had control of himself, he began again. "We are gathered here today to honor the memory of one of our finest crew members. She will--be missed by all."

There were nods of affirmation from many people in the crowd.

"I'm sure we all remember when she came aboard Voyager, nearly nine years ago. Even when she was a complete stranger, she had something about her; a feeling of warmth and kindness. And she never lost these qualities throughout her entire life here." He paused to wipe the tears from his eyes. Many people in the audience were now openly sobbing, Neelix among them. "She was a--a good friend to many of us," he started.

He felt his face heat up; heard his pulse pounding in his ears, and he had to grip the podium hard to retain any control at all. "She was to me, I know," he stated. "Especially when I...when I..." The tears flowed freely now and the burning heat ran from the pit of his stomach to his cheeks, which burned hotly. "Especially when I--lost Tom," he managed to choke out before his legs gave way. He crumpled to the ground, embarrassed to be crying now, now of all times. His whole body was wracked with sobs as he remembered Tom's blue eyes, Tom's mischievous smile, and those words he must have whispered in Harry's ear over a thousand times throughout those long but wonderful nights: "I love you, Harry."

"I love you too, Tom," he sobbed, and he felt someone wrap their comforting arms around him, and it was the captain, just like she had done five years ago. And just as he had done five years ago, Harry wrapped his arms around her, pressed his head into her shoulder and sobbed convulsively, while she rocked him gently and patted his back.


The door chime sounded. "Come in," Harry called wearily. He didn't really feel like company; not after what had happened earlier today in the holodeck. But it was only polite.

The doors opened and B'Elanna's silhouette stood framed in the doorway.

"Harry?" she called. "Are you in here?"

"Yes," he murmured. He felt tired; exhausted. But B'Elanna was a good friend.

"Well, I could hardly tell; it's so dark in here," she commented, stepping carefully into the room. The doors swished closed behind her, shutting out the only available illumination, except for the faint pinpricks of light that came from the stars outside.

"Computer," Harry called. "Twenty percent illumination." The computer chirped in acknowledgment and the lights came up to a low level.

"Oh, you look awful," B'Elanna stated, finally able to see him.

"I feel awful," he replied. He did. But it was not because of his feelings for Tom; those had receded to the back of his mind after draining him of physical energy. He was limp now, cold. A vacuum, a void, just like the spot on his bed where Tom used to lay. He remembered the warm feeling of Tom's body next to his, the slow rhythm of his breathing as he slept, the peaceful, contented look on his face.

He smiled a small smile at the remembrance. I always thought that he was more than I deserved, Harry mused. I guess Someone Else thought the same thing. Presently, he realized that B'Elanna was staring at him expectantly. "Sorry," he explained. "I'm a little behind today. Make yourself at home."

She sat down and stared at him gravely. "You've got it bad, Starfleet. After all this time, you've still got it bad. You and Tom really had something together, didn't you?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah," he agreed. "It was wonderful; it was..." He found himself unable to grasp the words that could express the idea, the enormity of what their relationship had been; had meant to him. "It was spectacular," he finally settled on.

"From the way you've been acting, I don't think 'spectacular' does justice to your relationship."

"I know," he admitted. "It's kind of hard to explain in words."

B'Elanna's mouth quirked, forming a small smile of her own. "You know, I actually envy you, Harry."

"Why?" he asked, suddenly concerned. This was something she hadn't shared with him before.

"You and Tom had something special. Something that happens so rarely between two people. I wish I knew what it felt like." She paused, seemingly lost in thought. Finally, she looked at him again. "Do you still remember how...how it happened?"

He nodded. "I keep seeing it in my dreams every night, over and over."

"Recently?"

He nodded again. "This morning."

"Ah." Understanding flashed on her face. "So that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Your performance at Kes's funeral today."

He looked away sheepishly. He felt embarrassed about the whole ordeal. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, and from the way B'Elanna was smiling, he knew he must have turned a pretty bright shade of red. "I'd rather forget about that," he told her.

"Yeah, well between you and Neelix we've been able to convert Holodeck Two into a permanent swimming pool," she quipped.

Harry had to smile at the image: some innocent crew member walking into the holodeck only to be swept down the corridor by a huge wall of water.

They sat there in silence for a while. Finally, he stirred. "I really miss him, B'Elanna."

She studied him seriously. "So do I, Harry," she murmured. "So do I." "There was a time--before we got together," he said, looking away, "when I thought that you and him had something going."

She laughed. It was not an unkind laugh, more of a wry chuckle. "Me and Tom? I don't think he'd have been able to handle it. He'd probably have ended up in sickbay with a broken pelvis."

"Don't be too sure about that," he replied with grin.

B'Elanna took on an arrogant look. "Harry, I don't care how wild the sex was between you and Tom; you haven't seen wild sex until you've seen Klingon sex."

"I'll take your word for it," he told her, not quite seriously.

She reached over and patted his hand. "Now that sounds like the Harry Kim we all know and love," she stated.

"I do feel better," he allowed. "But there's still something bothering me."

"What's that?" she asked him.

"I have the feeling that I could have done something to save Tom." The feeling had been nagging at him ever since Tom's shuttle blew up. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just." He tried to sort through the feeling, to understand it, but the answer was eluding him. "I just feel like there's something that I'm missing. Something that I'm overlooking."

"Really?" she questioned. "Why don't you tell me what you remember, and I'll compare it to what I remember, and then we'll see if you're missing anything."

He nodded, and took a deep breath.


Harry slept peacefully next to him on the bed. Tom had his head propped up on his arm, watching Harry's chest rise and fall in time to his slow, content breathing. Carefully, Tom leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Harry's cheek. A warm feeling spread through Tom; a feeling of intense serenity and security like he'd never felt before. He felt good knowing that he was Harry's; that Harry loved him. And, gods, was Harry beautiful! Every time Tom saw his body, he couldn't help but gape, because it was so perfect, from his soft hair, to his brown eyes, to his well-formed chest, to his thick cock. The very sight of Harry's naked body drove Tom crazy with desire, and when Tom heard Harry's incoherent moaning as he sucked Harry's cock, it drove him out of his mind.

Things have sure changed since you and I first met," Tom whispered, slowly running his hand through Harry's silken black hair. "I never thought I'd find someone like you. It's like..." He faltered, chuckling awkwardly. "Well, I'm afraid I'm not very good with words."

"You don't have to be," Harry replied, turning to face him. "I love you anyway."

Tom smiled. "I love you, too, Harry. I love you, too." And they looked deep into each other's eyes, feeling the stirrings of passion once again rising in them. Without thought, without words, they embraced in a passionate kiss. Had B'Elanna been there at that moment, she might have noticed a space-time anomaly, for Tom and Harry both felt as if time had stopped and all that mattered in the whole world--in the whole Delta Quadrant-- was them.

Until the ship rocked violently. The alarm klaxons sounded in the halls outside, the lights flickered off and back on. Harry and Tom broke their embrace and looked around in alarm.

"Mr. Paris, Mr. Kim, report to the Bridge," Janeway snapped over their com-link.

Harry grabbed his communicator and responded, "Aye, Captain; we're on our way."

"Such a shame," Tom said, clambering out of the mess of bed sheets. "I guess it's a little incentive for us to get this done and over with as quickly as we can, right Harry?"

Harry nodded in agreement, a knowing smile on his face.


Moments later, the two arrived on the bridge, fully clothed for a change. Harry dashed to Ops while Tom took the helm. The ship rocked again, showering sparks from a damaged console. On the viewscreen were stars, punctuated in the middle by a very intense light. Only the dampening effect of the viewscreen kept the sight from being blinding.

"Status report!" Janeway shouted over the din of the alarms.

"Shields down to 84%," Tuvok replied. "Lateral sensor array is experiencing power fluctuations."

"Mr. Kim," asked Janeway, turning to face him. "What can you tell me about that anomaly?"

"I'm having a hard time getting readings on it without the lateral sensor array, Captain," Harry replied. He paused for a moment, furiously entering commands into the console. He looked up as soon as the computer gave him answers. "It's some kind of subspace anomaly," he stated. "It's emitting a massive amount of radiation, including chroniton particles."

Janeway stiffened. "Those chroniton particles, are they getting through our shield?" She remembered a recent bout with Kes, when she had been irradiated with chroniton particles. They had very nearly lost her as she progressively reverted to her younger selves. Only through what the doctor modestly called, "excellent doctoring" had they been able to save her.

"Negative, Captain," Harry replied, feeling sweat beading on his forehead. Who said that life on Voyager was ever boring? Certainly not with Tom around...but he couldn't think about that now.

Janeway turned to Tom. "Can you shake us free?"

Tom looked at the readouts on his console. "I can try," he replied. After a moment, he said, "Hang on: this is going to be a bumpy ride." He engaged the engines and the ship rocked as she tried to pull away from the anomaly. Suddenly, with a cry, Harry was thrown away from his console as it burst into flames and shorted out. Tom stood up, concern on his face.

"Harry, are you all right?"

Harry sat up, somewhat dazed. "Yeah," he answered, then winced. "I just burned my hand."

"Have the doctor look at that," Janeway ordered. "Mr. Paris, what happened?"

"I'm not sure," Tom replied. "The starboard impulse engines are no longer responding."

"Janeway to Engineering. B'Elanna, what's going on down there?" B'Elanna's harried voice came crackling through the com connection. "The starboard impulse engines overloaded, Captain. It fried a lot of the electrical systems, including Ops."

"Any ideas, Lieutenant?" "Actually, I do have a theory. If I reverse the flow of the hydrogen atoms from the warp nacelles, and we fired a pulse from the deflector dish to ignite them, we just might break free."

"Sounds good, B'Elanna. Get working on it."

"There's only one problem, Captain. The electrical connections between Engineering and the warp nacelles have been fused together. It's going to take me some time to repair them."

"That's time we don't have, B'Elanna."

"What about a shuttlecraft?" asked Chakotay.

There was a pause on B'Elanna's end. "It might work, but it would require a longer burst," she finally replied.

"That's all I needed to know, Lieutenant," Janeway stated. "Mr. Paris, get to a shuttlecraft and prepare to implement B'Elanna's theory on my mark."

"Aye, Captain." Tom got up, and stood respectfully. "If it's not too much trouble, Captain, would you mind if I went by way of the Infirmary? I'm a little worried about Harry." He paused, waiting for a "duty before personal life" speech, or even a deafening and resounding "NO!" But Janeway had a knowing smile on her face.

"Be as quick as you can, Mr. Paris," she stated.


The doctor ran his tricorder over Harry's left hand, making a knowing sound while he nodded in what appeared to be disdain. Then again, Harry thought, it was rare to see the doctor ever without disdain on his face.

"You suffered a minor second-degree burn, Ensign. Be more careful in the future." He applied a hypospray to the palm of Harry's hand. "That will block the pain and prevent infection. I recommend that you be very careful what you do with that hand, however, until it has a chance to heal."

Harry grinned, thinking about what he'd done with it before--to Tom. "Don't worry, Doctor," he replied, getting up. "I'll just use my right hand instead."

The Doctor looked at him with perturbed disdain, as he usually did when something fell outside of his comprehension.

The Infirmary doors swished open and Tom walked in. Harry brightened. "How are you feeling, Har?" Tom asked.

"Better...now that you're here," Harry replied, embracing him. They kissed deeply.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "May I remind you that the Infirmary is for healing the sick, not for tending to personal matters?"

"Well, we're sick," Tom replied, looking at Harry with a wicked grin. "Lovesick."

The Doctor sighed with impatience. "That hardly qualifies as a medical emergency."

"It's okay, Doctor," Harry replied. "We were just leaving." The two lovers walked out, hand in hand.

The Doctor watched them go, shaking his head. Some things were better left outside the understanding of his analytical subroutines.

"So," Harry asked, once they stepped outside of sick bay. "What's up? Captain grant us early break from work?"

"I wish," Tom replied, pushing Harry against the bulkhead and grabbing his ass.

Harry stiffened. "So do I." They fell into a kiss again, until the ship rocked.

"Unfortunately," Tom sighed, "duty calls. The Captain wants me to pilot a shuttlecraft. Part of B'Elanna's grand plan to save us from this anomaly."

Harry grew concerned as they drew near the shuttle bay. "Be careful," he told Tom.

Tom grew cocky. "Hey, I'm the best pilot there is on this ship. I can handle it." When he saw this did nothing to ease Harry's concern, he continued, more serious, "Don't worry. I'll be back. We have unfinished business, remember?"

Harry smiled. "I remember."

Tom gave him a parting kiss. "Wish me luck."

Harry was preoccupied all the way back to the Bridge. Tom was a good pilot, that was true, but Harry himself had seen the sensor readings on this anomaly. It was like nothing he had ever encountered before. There was no telling how it would react when B'Elanna's plan was put into action. He felt something--a possible foreshadowing of things to come?--was going to happen. An acute case of anxiety washed over him. A life without Tom? It was unthinkable! He would sooner fire himself out the nearest torpedo tube than live without Tom.

Harry gritted his teeth. Think good thoughts, he commanded himself. Tom is a good pilot. Tom will come back. So why did he have the feeling that he was never going to see him again?

He emerged from the turbo lift deep in thought, but in time to see Tom's shuttle aligning itself on the main viewer. The Captain turned to face him.

"Welcome back, Mr. Kim," she said. Then, as if reading his thoughts, she continued, "I'm sure Mr. Paris--Tom will be just fine."

"Thank you, Captain," Harry replied. He looked down at the readouts on his console and his heart nearly jumped out of his mouth. Harry had never before believed in omens, but if ever there was a time to start believing.

"Captain," he called out in alarm. "I'm not picking up any life signs on that shuttle!" His heart pounded frantically against the walls of his chest, much like Harry himself wanted to do. Call Tom back! he wanted to shout, but he refrained from doing so only through great emotional control.

Is this what it's like to be a Vulcan? he wondered. To have all this fear and anxiety trying to push out and having to stomp it down? Yet they did it so effortlessly. Tuvok showed no signs of strain, but Harry had to clench his teeth and hands, and squeeze his eyes shut to do it.

"Voyager to Lieutenant Paris," Janeway called out.

Almost immediately, Tom's voice came back. "I'm in position, Captain. Ready when you are."

Harry relaxed, but only a little bit. The fact that he was not picking up Tom's life signs was still unnerving to him.

"It must be a malfunction with your console, Ensign," Janeway told him. "I'll have B'Elanna look at it the first chance she gets."

Harry nodded quickly, trying not to betray any of the inner turmoil he felt. "Thank you, Captain."

"Mr. Tuvok," Janeway asked. "How are the modifications to the deflector dish?"

"They have been completed," the Vulcan replied with nary a hint of emotion in his voice. "Awaiting your command."

Janeway nodded. "Good. Mr. Paris, begin flushing the hydrogen collectors."

"Aye, Captain," said Tom. Though he could not see it on the main viewer, Harry's sensor readings indicated a continuous flow of hydrogen streaming forth from the shuttle's warp nacelles. After a moment, Janeway turned to Tuvok.

"Fire when ready."

Tuvok acknowledged her. "Initiating deflector burst now," he intoned.

On the main viewer, a bright burst of light flashed forth from Voyager and proceeded into the heart of the anomaly. The ship began to vibrate rapidly.

Oh, God, Tom, Harry pleaded, staring intently at the main viewer. Please survive.

"Mr. Kim, I asked if it was working."

Janeway's voice broke Harry's reverie. He looked down, somewhat embarrassed to be caught off guard. "The anomaly's effect on us is weakening, Captain," he responded. He looked up to see if there was any hint of annoyance in Janeway's eyes for his lapse of attention, but all he saw was sympathy for his condition.

The captain turned her attention to Chakotay, who was at the helm. "Can we break free yet?" she asked him.

Chakotay checked his console. "Our engines are having a minimal effect," he replied. "But it is working."

Janeway nodded. "Good. Better slowly and surely than not at all."

Suddenly, Harry's console chirped in alarm. He looked down, and his eyes widened at what he saw. His heart, which had already been running fast now doubled its speed. "Captain, I'm reading a massive energy build--"

Harry never got to finish his sentence. There was a blinding, intense flash of light and a blow to the ship so intense that it knocked the deck out from under him. Voyager went hurling, end over end, away from the anomaly, her inertial dampeners working overtime to keep the people on the ship from feeling it. They were not entirely successful, and bodies were thrown everywhere.

Janeway grasped her command chair as Chakotay heaved himself back into his. "Stabilize us!" she shouted.

Though he was being flung about like a rag doll, Harry could only think of one thing: Tom. If Voyager had taken this much from the energy build-up, how much more so had it affected Tom's shuttle? Gradually, the ship righted herself, and Harry stumbled forward, ignoring the lancing pain in his chest, to his station. Damage reports were flooding the screen from every part of the ship, coming in to fast for him to read, but he didn't care. One step ahead of him, Janeway ordered Chakotay to bring them about, so they could see if Tom was all right.

Tom's shuttle was still in one piece, but drifting slowly, with nothing to stop it.

"My console's still showing no life signs, Captain," Harry called, fear welling up inside of him. His heartbeat grew successively louder and louder in his ears. "I can't be sure if it's still malfunctioning, or if." He left the statement unfinished; he did not want to think about it.

"Janeway to Paris," the captain called. "Tom, can you hear me?"

There was no reply from the other end. And then, without warning, the shuttlecraft exploded, right before their eyes, a fiery ball of gas and debris flying out in every direction.

"NO!" Harry shouted. His legs no longer supported him, and he collapsed, gasping with the most powerful sobs he had ever felt. His head pounded fiercely, and he saw spots on the edges of his vision. He felt someone patting his back, trying to be soothing, and it was the captain.

And Harry folded into her arms, pressed his head into her shoulder and sobbed loudly. For Tom--his only real love, the only man he had ever wanted --was gone.


Harry wiped his eyes with a tissue, feeling that same familiar pain in him once again.

"Hand me one, too," B'Elanna said. "That was a very beautiful story."

"Except for the unhappy ending," he replied, handing her the box. She pulled out quite a few tissues and blew her nose. Her eyes, he thought, probably mirrored his own: red-rimmed and puffy.

She nodded in agreement, wiping her eyes. "We definitely have to do something about that ending.

"But what?" Harry asked, feeling the pain rising in him once again. "What can we do? I wish I knew! No matter what it is, I'd do it, just so long as I could have him with me again!" He broke down into incoherent sobs. He was not afraid to cry in front of B'Elanna; he'd done it a lot when the relationship between him and Tom had taken a turn for the worse because neither of them had thought themselves good enough for the other. B'Elanna had helped him through that, comforting him like she was doing now. And when he and Tom had finally learned that they both loved each other, she had been there to cheer them both on.

I never realized how much I loved you, B'Elanna, he thought silently. Who knows what I would have done without you?

"I don't know what we can do," B'Elanna replied. "But I do know that we have to do something! It isn't right for you two to be apart! Even if he is dead!" She concentrated on him thoughtfully for a moment, tapping at her lip. Finally, she shrugged and shook her head, then stood up and stretched, yawning. "I don't know, Harry," she said. "Damn it," she breathed with sudden forcefulness. "I wish I knew!" She looked at him seriously. "But I do know you need some sleep. You've got bags under your eyes."

Harry nodded, but he was paying more attention to his memories, though they were painful, of Tom. "You're probably right," he admitted. "But if I do sleep, the dream will come back." He looked up at B'Elanna seriously. "I don't know if I could stand to feel that kind of pain again."

B'Elanna considered this for a moment, then bent over a gave him a brief hug. "Well, you know if you do, you can always come to me."

Harry felt a warmth begin in him, counteracting the pain he was feeling. "Thanks, B'Elanna," he said, squeezing her hand. "I appreciate it."

"It's the least I could do," she answered, walking toward the doors to his quarters. "It's become a hobby of mine, meddling in your personal life." She grinned at him and stepped through the doorway. "See you in the morning, Harry." She paused, then added as an afterthought, "Sweet dreams."

"I hope so," he replied. "Good night." As the doors swished shut behind her and he was once again alone, Harry thought about how lucky he was to have a friend as understanding as B'Elanna. He remembered vividly, as though it were yesterday--though it had, in fact, been five years--how she had been there for him when he and Tom had broken up; how she'd offered to beat Tom up for him. How she'd been happy for them when they got back together.

He sat there, in silence, enjoying the memories that he had held on to fiercely because they were the last remaining momentos of his former lover.

Time passed, how long Harry didn't know. He just didn't feel like sleeping, like seeing Tom only to have him taken away again. He picked up the holo-photo that he always kept on the end table, from one of their Christmas Eves, when Tom had programmed a snowy getaway on the Holodeck. That had been where the captain and Chakotay had announced their wedding plans. The photo was of him and Tom in front of a flickering fireplace, arms wrapped around each other and grinning like school kids.

He smiled, remembering the sense of warmth and security that he had felt, sitting before the flickering fire, holding Tom and surrounded by their friends: Neelix and Kes, the captain and Chakotay. Everything had been so beautiful ...so wonderful then. He felt the tears spring to his eyes again and quickly brushed them away. What good was it doing him to remember? He didn't want memories, damn it, he wanted Tom! But Tom was gone...

The sound of the doors to his quarters swishing open startled him. No other person except Tom had known his entry code. He turned around to see who it could be, and his jaw dropped at the sight.

"Harry?" Tom asked, standing in the doorway with disbelief written on his face.

Harry couldn't believe what he was seeing. After all of the painful dreams, after all of the nightmares he saw every night, it just couldn't be Tom ...could it? Tentatively standing up, he called out the name that had oft been on his mind of late.

Tom?" The word left Harry's lips, traveling through the stillness of the room. Although Harry had heard it said that words were too bulky to convey the full import of emotion, that name--that one spoken word-- carried a thousand lifetime's worth of emotion.

"Harry," Tom breathed, as if entranced. With a sudden movement, he swept Harry into his arms, clutching him tightly and trembling. Harry felt the tears in his eyes spring forth unbidden, uncontrolled. He hugged Tom back, laying his head on his lover's shoulder and weeping. The pain of the past welled up in him again, but not nearly so strong, because this time would be the last. Tom was back.

Janeway sat down in her command chair, taking a PADD from Chakotay and pretending to concentrate on it; all the while waiting for Tuvok to speak. Had it been something ordinary, she knew he would have taken care of it himself before informing her. But he'd been at his station punching away at the console with an ever-increasing bewilderment visible only to the practiced eye of those who knew him. She knew he would inform her of his concerns soon. It was only a matter of time.

"Captain."

She looked up, deliberately feigning distraction. Tuvok was standing in front of her. "Yes, Mr. Tuvok; what is it?"

"While performing my usual duties, I came upon an unusual reading." There was a slightly disturbed look on his face, barely discernible except to those who really knew Tuvok as Janeway did. Nevertheless, this alone was enough to alert Janeway, for Tuvok rarely showed any signs of emotion--he was a Vulcan, after all. Her security officer proffered a PADD to her, and she took it, looking at its contents in surprise.

She looked carefully at the Vulcan. "Have you checked these readings?" "Several times, including two level-three diagnostics. The sensors are in perfect working order."

"Do you have any theories about its cause?"

"There are several factors which influence the formation of a temporal-spatial rift when they are in fact formed. However, the odds against the formation of a similar rift are one in thirty-three million. If you continue to read the PADD, however, you will note that the rift appears to be artificial rather than naturally occurring."

Janeway raised an eyebrow in surprise. An artificial space-time rift? Not even Federation technology was capable of performing a feat of that magnitude! An artificial rift suggested an intelligent mind behind it, which, in turn, seemed to mean that someone intended to open one on her ship, without a hint as to why. Well, she intended to find out why.

"Take a team down there," she commanded in a determined voice. "Find out what's going on and why. Keep me informed." Tuvok nodded and disappeared into the turbolift a few moments later. Janeway stared at the main viewer grimly. Whatever the hell was going on, she was going to find out.

Harry sighed in contentment, laying his head on Tom's chest. Tom began to stroke his hair absent-mindedly. Harry's heart pounded and his thoughts moved along at a fleeting pace as feelings that he'd almost forgotten welled up inside of him. He wanted to ask why Tom had left him, how did he get back, where had he been, what had he done, did he miss him, and a thousand other questions. Tom simply put his forefinger to his lips and held him tighter, sometimes rocking back and forth, sometimes tenderly kissing him. Harry closed his eyes and smiled warmly for the first time in years.

It felt so right, the two of them, being together. Damn, but it felt right! He'd forgotten just how right it had felt, how it had almost seemed like the Universe and Fate had meant for them to be together. Throughout much turmoil, despite several hardships, the two had grown close, closer than friends--closer than Harry had felt to Libby, closer than he had felt to his own mother. It was almost as if he were a part of Tom, and Tom of him; the two were one. Harry had never felt more alive, more rich and fulfilled and satisfied and optimistic and loving and caring and kind and--and--warm as he had when he was around Tom. Voyager would take seventy years to get home? No problem! Now that he had Tom again, everything was all right. Memories came back to Harry in his half-dreamy state; memories buried with time.

He remembered how nervous he'd felt when he'd first come aboard Voyager, almost ten years ago. He had just graduated from Starfleet Academy not three months before! Now he would be serving on board Starfleet's newest and best ship: the Voyager! He worried about everything, from his hairstyle to his uniform to how he should act. He wanted to show the captain and the crew how competent he was without giving away his awe at finally getting a post in space. He wanted to impress the crew, of course; but most of all he wanted to fit in; because-- despite his many friends in school, his relationship with Libby, his good grades, his hopes and dreams-- he felt...somehow...different.

It all hearkened back to a dream he'd had about a month after entering the Academy, about his roommate--a guy. It had been exciting while he had it, exciting and warm and some other feeling he couldn't identify. Nevertheless, it was an embarrassing situation to wake up and find your roommate staring at you because you'd been moaning his name in your sleep. He smiled as he remembered his sheepish explanation for it. Fortunately, Cal had been very understanding of it.

All of my life I've been fortunate, Harry thought, staring at Tom. Now that Tom was given back to him, the point was never closer to home. Harry had been very lucky; but never as lucky as he felt right then, having Tom home again.

Tuvok strode down the corridor, tricorder in hand and a security detail in tow. According to logic, he should have been above the turbulent ocean of his feelings; in control of them. However, an intense unease formed within that ocean: a whirlpool whose size increased with each passing second. He attempted to brush aside these emotions and concentrate on his task. First of all, the indications that the temporal-spatial anomaly was artificial alarmed him. There were large security risks posed by such a technology. It was his every intention to find out what kind of a being was behind this and whether or not they posed any threat to the Voyager. Secondly, the tricorder readings involved a certain crew member.

With a style borne of efficiency, Tuvok tapped his com-badge. "Tuvok to Janeway. I have been able to pinpoint the source of the anomaly more accurately."

Janeway's commanding voice crackled over the link. "Very good, Lieutenant. What have you found out?"

"The anomaly is originating from one of the crew quarters." He paused to triple-check the tricorder readings. Naturally, they were exactly the same as before. "According to my tricorder readings, from Lieutenant Kim's quarters."

There was a slight moment of silence from Janeway's end. "Have you tried contacting Mr. Kim?" she queried.

"Several times, Captain, without effect."

"Something tells me he's not sleeping in," Janeway stated.

"I would have to agree with you, Captain. There is a high probability that this anomaly is in some way affecting our ability to contact Lieutenant Kim."

The captain sighed. "Very well, Tuvok. Proceed with caution, and keep me informed."

"Aye, sir. Tuvok out." Tuvok slowed his pace as the group neared the Lieutenant's quarters. The security detail did the same. "Use caution," he instructed them. "It would be unwise to become trapped by the anomaly in our attempts to rescue Lieutenant Kim." Tuvok carefully reached out to key in the security override on the door. Suddenly, his tricorder whistled in alarm.

Tuvok took one quick look and hailed the captain. "Captain," he reported, with a note of alarm. "The anomaly's energy output has tripled in the past one-point- five seconds."

"Get in there, Tuvok," Janeway snapped. "Now!"

They were standing now; bodies pressed firmly against one another; locked in an embrace--kissing. Kissing like they had never kissed before, the uniting of two souls once lost to each other. Harry kissed Tom deeply, holding him tightly, losing himself in Tom. He would never come up, he decided, never surface, never let go; for fear that he would lose Tom all over again.

It seemed that they kissed for a few fleeting seconds, for all eternity, forever, for never, all was one, all was none. Time lost meaning. Somewhere, dimly, Harry thought he heard a tremendous rushing noise, thought he saw a bright flash, thought he felt a strong wind brushing over his skin. He didn't care. What did it matter? Tom was back, and this time he would be here forever.

Tuvok keyed in the security override. When the doors parted, a tremendously bright light filled the corridor, blinding all but the Vulcan. The light accompanied a strong wind that rushed down the corridor, inexorably pulling anything in its path toward the light. Tuvok firmly anchored himself against the wall for a few moments, readying his phaser. Then he quickly turned and dove into the room. In the bright light he thought he saw two forms. He quickly grabbed onto the door frame to prevent himself from being pulled into the anomaly.

Over the noise of the screaming wind, the Vulcan's very acute hearing perceived Janeway's voice.

"Tuvok, what's going on?"

"Mr. Kim is trapped inside the anomaly," he shouted, hoping the captain could hear him over the din. "I am currently unable to help him!" He felt his grip on the doorway beginning to slip. "I do not recommend sending any more crew members down, Captain! The anomaly's pull is very strong!" Tuvok knew he could not hold on for much longer. It appeared the anomaly was to claim him as well. Logic dictated that it was a waste of effort to struggle against something one did not comprehend. So he let go.

Silence suddenly flooded his ears. He sat up carefully, looking around. The anomaly had vanished.

"Tuvok?" Janeway asked through the com-link. "Tuvok, what happened?"

"It would appear the anomaly has vanished, Captain." He paused. To anyone who knew him well, he sounded almost grim. "And Mr. Kim with it..."

end