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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
Completed:
2004-09-27
Words:
4,737
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4/4
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12
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Dear Severus

Summary:

Harry joins Voldemort and sends a letter to Severus telling him not to feel guilty. Not for Dumbledore Lovers, mention of MPreg/Miscarriage

Chapter 1: Dear Severus

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. They all belong to JK Rowling.

AN: I would like to thank my Beta Reader Myk.

Dear Severus,

I hope you don't blame yourself for my choice to become allies with Voldemort. It had nothing to do with you. You can rather blame Albus Dumbledore and the situation I was in. There was no other way out since the old fool declined to help me.

My relatives hate magic and everything that has something to do with it. Therefore they hated me. I had to grow up in the cupboard under the stairs until I was ten years old. They starved and beat me. They never told me that I was a wizard. They even went as far as telling me that my parents died in a car crash and that they were alcoholics. All I ever heard was that I was as useless as my parents. Everything bad that happened was blamed on me.

Things changed when I got my first Hogwarts letter. It was addressed to me and clearly stated 'The Cupboard under The Stairs'. After that, I got Dudley's second bedroom. The beatings stopped for then, but not the torment.

I thought of Hogwarts as my home, and I looked up to Dumbledore for what he achieved. I wanted the love he seemed to have for me. Back than I did not realize that he was only manipulating me. Had I listened to the sorting hat, and let it sort me into Slytherin, I most likely would not have hoped that I only misunderstood, that he did not want to control me and use me as a tool. I would not have trusted him as much as I did had I known his true nature. I never trusted him fully, but I placed my trust in him to protect me. Yet, he sent me back to the Dursley's at the end of my 6th year. Although I clearly stated reasons why I should not go. I tried everything, Poppy even broke her promise to me and told him something in the hope he would change his mind. In the end, it was what happened that summer that caused me decide to join Voldemort. He and his Death Eater did not expect me to be someone I'm not. I could be me.

I never told Dumbledore about my abilities. He would be surprised had he known. I also wish him fun trying to figure out what I'm able to do.

I know that he forced you to quit the relationship we had. I knew it when I left Hogwarts. At that time, I had at least one reason to continue the fight against Voldemort. Some time after you broke up with me, I started to feel unwell. When I went to Poppy, she told me that I was pregnant. I did not know what to think. I had something of you that would stay in my life, but at the same time I wanted to be a family. Together, with you. I started to read about male pregnancies. There are only two ways for a wizard to get pregnant, and at that time, I still thought you had planned it. That is, until I found out what the old fool did. Then I knew what I always thought, believed even. We are soul mates. That is why it hurt so much to be separated from you by Dumbledore's manipulations.

Poppy told Dumbledore of my pregnancy because I told her about my cousin's diet that I had to do as well. I later found out that they stopped his diet, but not mine. I received nothing to eat for days at a time.

I asked Dumbledore for training to be prepared to fight Voldemort. I told him that I did not want to endanger my relatives. I told him that they hated me. At that time, I did not know that my uncle would find out that I'm gay. Still, nothing I told him, on my behalf, allowed me any leniency. I had told Hermione and Ron that I was gay. That was the day our friendship ended. When we arrived in London Ron called me a fag. Unfortunately, my uncle heard, and now I'm even more abnormal than only being a wizard. I'm a freak of nature in their eyes.

The reason he had waited for ever since I got my Hogwarts letter. He started the beatings again. A short time before Voldemort came, he beat me hard enough to break the protection charms on the baby. I felt how I miscarried. I had no reason left to fight, let alone to live. I started to cut myself again, something I had stopped doing when I started Hogwarts. The day Voldemort came, he caught me cutting. You know what he did? He took the knife away from me and told me he'd help me through it. My uncle wanted to force me to drink something that would make me completely blind. Instead of drinking it, it spilled over my eye. He figured that without my eyesight, my abnormality would just go away. This happened right before Voldemort found me cutting myself. I hide my left eye with glamour now. It is not pleasant to look at. You should have seen Voldemort's face when he realized that my childhood was as bad as his, if not even worse.

There was something else I started to wonder about. When we told Dumbledore that Sirius was innocent, he believed us immediately. He should have at least been a little sceptical. Except he already seemed to know it. Yet, he did not go to the Ministry to tell them of Sirius' innocence. Instead, he let people continue to believe him a criminal. But I would have been thankful to him for saving me from spending time with my relatives. The reason he did not do this was that it did not fit into his plan. He might be powerful, he might be needed to organize the war for the side of light, but without him it would never have started. I spoke with Voldemort about his past, and of Dumbledore's manipulations. He became a Dark Lord because of Dumbledore, because the old fool wanted to control him as well.

He has to learn that he doesn't have the right to control other people, especially when they are as strong as we are. All I ever wanted was to be normal. You were the only person that ever allowed me that. I hope you can forgive me for betraying you, but I wanted to live. I want to tell the world what Dumbledore has done.

And before I forget it, tell Poppy that she is forgiven for telling Dumbledore. It only shows how little he cares about me.

Harry Potter

AN: Before you want to tell me that Harry does not call Pomfrey Poppy. He spends enough time in the medical wing besides that he knows her six long years. In this world I created here I had her offer Harry her first name sometime ago (during his pregnancy).
And now tell me what you think about it and review.