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2020-11-05
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A Night at the Movies

Summary:

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The X-men are Marvel's property. Please don't sue.
Series/Sequel: No.
Summary: All X-Men. X-Men take a trip to the theater to see their own movie.

Work Text:

 

A Night at the Movies
by Lornadane


"What's this about again?"

"Shut up, Remy, you know it's about us."

"No it's not. I read the review and there's some guy in it called Bobby and he can't do my ice thing, but he's like 15 or something. And Jean's alot older."

"Shutup Bobby. Or you are going back to the mansion."

"But 'Ro you're short!"

Snikt

"Shut up Bobby."

"And you're tall!"

"Grrrrr...."

"Okay, okay, sheesh."

"Well at least they had some sense ta have an academy award actress play me, sugar."

"And me as well."

Gulp.

"Don't worry. I'm only here to watch the movie."

Mutter, mutter. "Says you, bub."

"Logan! Sheathed those claws! We don't want to attract attention!"

"Bite me, one-eye!"

"Hey you didn't say anything when he popped them at me?!"

"Shut up Bobby!"

.......

"Jean, like pass me the popcorn, okay? Don't hog it all!"

"Jean, honey, I just told Logan we didn't need the attention. Could hand it to Jubilee with your hands."

..... ......

"Never mind. Keep your hands where they are."

Groan.

 

A little later.

"Well I must say this Patrick Stewart is doing an admirable job playing me."

Groan.

"What do you expect, cueball? Anyone with a British accent and a bald head could peg ya."

"Jubilee!"

"What?! It's true! Even Wolvie...."

"Mmmmph!"

"Logan, take your hand away from Jubilee's mouth."

"Wanna make me, Scott."

"Here's your bar scene."

"That's not kosher, old man. I'm gonna paft you..."

"Shut yer yap....darlin'. It's my big scene."

"Big scene?! Big scene?! The whole movie is about you!"

"Yeah. And don't I look great?"

"Sure. Those seventies mutton chops and that stupid sweep in your hair's gonna make all the chicks swoon."

"And you're too tall."

"I'm warnin' ya Bobby..."

 

Even Later...

"Hey, I got hair in my popcorn. Hank!"

"I fail to see the conclusion you could have possibly come to concerning my cilium invading your oral cavity. My metacarpus was distinctly positioned nowhere near your delectably salty treat."

"It's BLUE hair!"

"Oh....Sorry."

"Would you people mind keeping it down?! I haven't seen this before."

"Do you know who I am, human?!"

"Erik!"

"Very well, paltry homo sapien. You are spared for now."

Groan.

"That's a really bad wig, cher."

"At least I'm in the movie."

Charming pout.

"I never recall Toad being that smart. Or having a tongue like that."

"Or Sabretooth being so stupid."

"Who ya callin' stupid, kid?"

"Umm....(cringe)...In the movie. It's a compliment...you're stupid in the movie."

"Least I'm in the movie. They can work on character development in the next one."

Sigh.

"Wow. He is smart. Who woulda thought."

"Bobby!"

"Well at least they got me right. I'm a hotty."

"That's just to lure the fourteen year olds in. Gotcher age wrong too."

"Watch it, old man, or I'll rip you a new hole."

"Who's callin' the kettle black, Mystique?"

 

Even much later....

"I must admit. On the whole the dialogue was intelligent and delightful. But without moi there was something lacking in this filmological rendering of our perspective tribe."

"Filmological? I swear you make up half the words you use."

"Perhaps. But I can get away with it."

"I still think the plot left a lot to be desired. Why would I ever want to call homo sapiens brother? And that ridiculous machine."

"Yeah. And everyone knows I'd knock you out if you ever laid a hand on me, sugar."

"Details, details. At least we're in a movie now."

"Yeah. And a movie that rocked!"

"Batman catch touch this!"

"And when dey get to see dis charmin' t'ief in de next film, I'm sure I'll get m'own movie."

Groan.

"Movie of the week, more likely."

"Time to head back, X-men."

"Awwww. Mags and Sabes and Myst have gone back. Can't we just enjoy this dimension for awhile."

"No. I've got some shopping to do."

"Give it up, Scott. You'll never look as GQ as Marsden."

~~~ The end ~~~