Chapter Text
When I'm sober, I remember things. I've got at least 30 years worth of things I don't want to remember. So I drink. I wanted to be alone with my wife last night, so I got drunk. I think she prefers it that way. When I'm all hers and we're in the moment and there is no past. She's not a slut and I'm not a weak man.
But now it's morning. The liquor has lost its effect. I'm greeted with the sight of my wife's bare ass on my rack. She's got a great ass. If Ellen wasn't Ellen …I think she would deserve better than me. But this is what works for us. I stumble towards the head and I feel slightly ill. I'm at the mirror but I avoid looking myself in the eyes. I wet a towel and clean the night's leftovers off my face.
"Saulie?"
She's awake and coming up behind me. She slides an arm around my waist. Her other hand is holding a glass. I wonder how she managed that in her current state. I feel the slick fabric of her slip against my back. She's still drunk.
"Breakfast?" she inquires as she holds the glass up to my mouth. I smell it. It's the cheap stuff.
"Not now baby." She pouts so prettily. I want to make her happy. But I don't take the drink she offers. "I have to meet 'The Old Man' in 30."
I swear I can feel her sour behind me. She gives me a shove and walks out of the head. I let her fume alone and I shave. She knows how far her control goes. I leave the head in search of my under shirts. I'm pulling on my trousers when she finally says something.
"I really hate you sometimes."
I continue to dress not taking the bait. I don't want to fight. I just want to get to work. I button my uniform blouse. I ignore her. It's nothing I haven't heard before. It's nothing I don't deserve.
"And him too." She spits out.
There's the line. I pause. No, I decide. Not this morning. But I guess she's not letting it go. She comes up and puts her hand under my chin.
"Look at me." She slurs. "I love you."
"I love you too." It's not a lie. But she doesn't have the exclusive on my heart. I know it. She knows too.
She scans my face. She must have found what she was looking for; she claws my cheek.
"Don't forget that." She hisses.
"Frak all Ellen!" I say as I grab my injured face.
I push her and walk back to the head not waiting to see if or where she falls. In the mirror I see that she broke the skin. A small amount of blood is welling out of a hole near my jaw. There are two red lines above it. I mop at the blood. I wish she would have just slapped me.