Q. How many drag queens does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to change the bulb and two to say, "Bitch, you're in my light!"
Q. How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
Q. How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. The trick is to get them inside the lightbulb.
Q. How many roaches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Who knows? When the light goes on, they all scatter.
Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Two. (The question is how did they get in there in the first place?)
Q. How many (insert your favorite ethnic alternative here) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb and four to turn the ladder.
Q. How many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Four. Three to change the bulb, and Bono to explain it to the world.
Q. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. All of them. They hold their bulbs and wait for the world to revolve around them.
Q. How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. The bulb has to really want to change.
Q. How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two purple giraffes and a chain saw with kidney beans.
Q. How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Is there a light bulb?
Q. How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One.
Q. How many people with disabilities does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. They just whine until someone does it for them. (Before you write me nasty notes, I got this from a very dear friend with cerebral palsy, and he thought it was funny!).