Chapter Eighteen:

Gibbs’ eleven o’clock visit with Tony was uneventful. Tony slept through it, and Gibbs held his hand in silence, afraid to say anything. He carefully schooled his thoughts, not allowing himself to dwell on notions he had no right to have. The exertion of thinking about nothing exhausted him, and when the ten minutes was up, he walked wearily back to lounge. Sitting in one of the recliners, he allowed himself to fall asleep.

Sharp stinging coming from his right hand woke Gibbs up. His eyes flew open and he jerked his hand, causing Nurse Karen to give a small start. She was sitting next to him, and had various medical supplies sitting on her lap.

“Easy, I’m just cleaning your knuckles and applying a clean dressing. You were so out of it I didn’t think you’d wake up,� she said soothingly.

“What time is it?� Gibbs asked, too tired to bother checking his watch.

“2:45�

“What the hell!?!� Gibbs was furious. “Why didn’t someone wake me up? I’ve been asleep for nearly four hours.�

“Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything. Tony hasn’t woken up. Dr. Anderson decided it was best to keep him asleep for a few hours. Dr. Pitt came by, and when he saw you were asleep, he ordered us to not wake you. He said you wouldn’t be any good to anyone if you were half dead yourself. Is his first name really Brad?�

“Would anyone make that up?�said Gibbs, answering her question with another. “What did Anderson and Pitt say about Tony?� moving the conversation back onto topic.

“Tony’s fine. He didn’t hurt anything earlier. Dr. Anderson said that everything from yesterday’s surgeries was holding fine, but they didn’t want to risk another episode like earlier. That’s why he wants Tony so heavily sedated. It’s just for a while â€" long enough to give Tony some uninterrupted healing time. Dr. Pitt was actually pleased with the last chest x-ray. He said the pneumonia doesn’t seem to be getting worse, and thought the medicine seemed to be working. Tony’s temperature is down to 100.2, so that’s a very good sign.â€�

“Will I still get to go in to see him?� Gibbs asked, giving voice to his silent worry.

“Of course.� Karen replied. “I don’t think anyone could stop you even if they tried,� she joked. When Gibbs didn’t reply she continued taping the new gauze to his hand. She worked on as they sat in companionable silence. Once finished, she patted his shoulder as she stood and said, “Let’s go check on him together.�

When they got to the room, Gibbs saw Tony sleeping peacefully. Gibbs stood by the bed, looking down at him.

“He won’t break, Gibbs. Just keep doing what you had been doing. Hold his hand; let him know someone is here. Talk to him. Even though he isn’t awake it will soothe him. You know all this; don’t let your own fears get the better of you,� she said, right before she left the room.

Gibbs knew good advice when he heard it, so he took Tony’s hand and began the litany of calming, reassuring words he had seemed to perfect over the last twenty four hours.

The rest of the day continued in a similar pattern â€" long hours sitting in the lounge, broken by short visits with Tony. Gibbs broke the monotony with phone calls. Calls to McGee to see if there was anything new he needed to know about, not surprised when the answer was no. A call to Ducky, updating him and asking that he keep Abby from coming back that night, glad that he had assigned Ducky that unpleasant task. A quick call to Brad, just to make sure that Karen had been right about the pneumonia and to complain about Brad’s orders to let him sleep. Dr. Anderson came and went. Each time stopping in to see Gibbs, assuring him that everything looked good.

Gibbs was in with Tony for the 10:00 p.m. visit when the nightmares began. Tony’s head began to move side to side on the bed. His brows pursed and his hands thrashed by his side. The alarms once again sounded. Nurse Karen came hurrying in, followed by the small army of other nurses assigned to the floor. She took one look at Tony and knew what was happening. She shooed the other nurses back out, and turned to Gibbs.

“Take his hand, Gibbs. Talk loudly but calmly to him. He’s having a nightmare.�

Gibbs did as instructed. “Tony, it’s Gibbs. You’re just having a nightmare. It’s alright. You’re safe in the hospital.� He paused, watching to see if his words had any effect. The alarms shot through him, causing his own heart rate to accelerate. Looking at Tony, he could see tears slowly seeping from his eyes.

“Tony, come on. You need to shake the dream off. You’re fine. I’ve got you. No one is going to hurt you. Come on DiNozzo. Wake up.� Gibbs could feel tears forming in his own eyes as he watched Tony’s weak attempts to escape whatever horrors the nightmare was creating. Blinking hard to keep the tears from falling, he reached both hands up and cupped Tony’s face. “Tony, calm down. You’re fine. I’ve got your six. No one is getting through me. Wake up now, Tony,� he tried ordering again.

Slowly Tony began to still and the machines died down. Tony didn’t wake up, but he seemed to have successfully shut out the dream. Still holding Tony’s hand, Gibbs sank down into the chair.

“This happens sometimes when a person is deeply sedated. As long as we can talk them out of the dream its okay. You did great. He’s resting peacefully now and his vitals are stable. Why don’t you go on back to the lounge and try to get a bit of sleep yourself,� Karen suggested kindly.

Gibbs pulled himself up and headed to the waiting room. Easing back into a chair, he noticed that his hands had resumed shaking. His heart rate had not yet returned to normal and he stared ahead of him, not really seeing anything clearly. He stood up; not knowing what he intended to do.

That was how Karen found him when she came into the lounge to check on him a while later. Easing him back into a chair, she said, “Stay here, I’ve got something I want to show you. Let me go get it,� and then she crossed back into the ward.

She came back into the lounge, moments later, carrying a large, thick album. She placed it in Gibbs lap, and signaled for him to look at it.

Gibbs opened the cover and turned to the first page. Neatly written on a soft blue paper was, “’Where there is great love there are always miracles.’ Willa Cather.â€� Turning to the next page he saw several photographs of different people. He thumbed through the album; it was filled with hundreds of images of people â€" men, women, old, young â€" all captured while smiling happily at the camera. Closing the book, he looked questioningly at Karen.

She smiled at him softly and said, “I call it The Book of Miracles. All of the people in that book were on this ICU floor at one time. Each one was close to death but overcame their illnesses and survived. I know this paints me as a sentimental fool, but I don’t care. And do you know what? One day I’ll have a picture of Tony in there. “

Gibbs didn’t know how to respond. He was taken aback by the sheer number of people recorded in the book and the sentiment it represented. He looked at Karen, a small smile emerging on his face. “Thank you,� was all he could manage.

Karen seemed to recognize that. She patted his hand and stood up again. Without another word, she went back to work, leaving Gibbs to contemplate the meaning of the book.