Reluctantly Gibbs turned his eyes away from Tony's bedroom door and left the apartment. He needed to figure some things out. Needed to find a way to make clear to Tony that he'd had to leave then. That he remembered their time before he left. That it nearly broke his heart to turn away from everything he knew and loved. But he had to leave. It was killing him to stay.



But it killed him even more to leave.



He didn't regret his hiatus in Mexico. He had a good time, shared war stories with Mike about their time at NCIS, and avoided the reasons they left. Gibbs had a blast watching Mike's failing attempts at trying to get the local girls to sleep with him. He smiled just thinking about it.



He didn't participate though; he couldn't. There were offers, lots of them even, from various stages of pretty girls and a lot of the times he felt really tempted but he always politely declined. Mike thought him nuts for refusing. Gibbs couldn't tell him the real reason he wouldn't sleep with them. He had no idea how Mike would react to the fact that Gibbs had fallen in love with his second-in-command. The gender of said second notwithstanding, rule number twelve had been Mike's rule seven. Mike would probably head slap him so hard it'd make him see stars.



But then again, maybe he deserved the head slap.



If he'd never started anything with Tony… they'd both be as miserable as they were now, only for different reasons. But then, maybe, he'd still had Tony talking to him. Still had the other man as a friend. Because from what he just seen in Tony's eyes, he'd burned that bridge.



Sure, Tony would still talk to him now; he was Tony's boss after all. They had to talk… about the case. Any serious conversation between the two of them, any real personal conversation, was out of the question. He'd be lucky if Tony even looked at him.



There wouldn't be any more head slaps. They both knew they weren't just Gibbs drawing Tony's attention to something. It was the only physical contact they could allow themselves on the job. Of course he'd given McGee and Ziva head slaps too; Tony wasn't the only one in the team who needed the reminder, but with the two other agents that's all the head slaps were, a reminder to pay attention. With Tony it became something personal, something Gibbs did to let the other man know how much he cared.



And now those head slaps would just be both awkward and painful.



If he and Tony didn't…



No!



They weren't over yet. And Gibbs was damned if he'd just throw in the towel like that. He was going to get him back. He was going to find a way. He always did.



By now Gibbs had been sitting in his car for over half an hour, depressing himself with the what-ifs of them not being in a relationship.



Thinking about the negatives never really helped anyone. And sitting in your car all night like a stalker, freezing your ass off didn't either. So he started the car and drove home. He knew just the thing to get him mind clear: Scotch and his boat. He always did his best thinking down there.