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Madwoman asks,

If lube is not used, how much pain there really is? Could it come to real injuries, as in requiring medical treatment? I've read some slash in which it did, but it's mostly women that write slash, so they could be wrong.


Dear Madwoman,

Well, it depends on the guy and the circumstances. If the catcher is experienced, and relaxed, it can actually be possible to have non-lubricated anal sex without too much damage or pain. There would probably be some tearing of the anal ring tissue, and some bleeding, but not so much as to require medical attention. On the other hand, if the pitcher is rough, or the catcher inexperienced (or the situation is a rape or non-consensual), there could be substantial bleeding requiring a trip to the ER and maybe some stitches (though I don't actually know if stitches would be the best treatment for a tear in that area).

The real danger in anal sex is the possibility of tearing the inner membrane of the anal canal, which can lead to peritonitis. But that is VERY rare in normal sex - it's more likely to happen from rape or inexperienced fisters (fingernails can be sharp).

For the most part, non-lubed anal sex is a no-go, the catcher wouldn't be able to stand the pain, though there are guys who are able to relax the muscles enough to do it.

-- Minotaur




Bagatelle asks,

I'm writing a slash story and am wondering about one thing. There will be a moment where one of my two personas will get badly kicked in his genitals.

Will they swell and how long will that really hurt?

If there is a sexual interaction an hour later or so will he be able to perform? Or won't he even be able to stand the idea of having sex after being hurt like this? Or will already simple touching be too much to bear?

Are there other symptoms going with the pain?


Dear Bagatelle,

OUCH!

Swelling depends on how hard the blow was delivered, but the pain is excruciating and intense. Don't plan on him getting up and moving around for a while - it's not like on TV.

If he gets hit hard enough for his nuts to swell, he won't be in any shape to do anything for several hours. Not just sexually, but even walk around or talk coherently.

Probably the last, depending on the force of the blow. Figure anywhere from a couple of hours to a day or more before he's interested in sex again...

A really serious blow to the genitals can incapacitate a guy for quite a while, even send him to the hospital or cause permanent damage. So if you really like your guys, be gentle with them.

Pain, pain, and more pain...

-- Minotaur




Claire asks,

I like the romantic, obsessive, hurt/comfort stories. I really need a declaration of 'it's only you and it's for ever'. But out there in the real world I know it isn't like that - I just have to look at the marriages around me. But does it happen? Are there real Jims and Blairs out there? In my community I have no references to the gay life style - that's why I'm being so forward - 'we do not speak of such things, even among ourselves'! Secondly, doesn't all that activity in the nether regions cause some sort of medical problems, I don't just mean infections, in later life? Now that's really forward! I'm just SO curious. I have an uncle who is a martyr to his digestive tract and I know it's nothing to do with his sex life.


Dear Claire,

If by real Jim&Blair's you mean couples who are devoted to one another and stay together for long periods, then yes. My best friend has been coupled for 13 years, and I know other pairs that have been together even longer. If you mean two formerly straight guys who discover they love one another and have a physical relationship, then no. Or at least I've never met any. It's perfectly possible that there are some out there, but I would think they wouldn't socialize much in the gay community, and I don't even know if they could be considered gay.

I do know one couple, a gay guy who fell in love with his straight best friend, who eventually came to return the feelings. They lived together as lovers for about three years, though the "straight" guy would never take the receptive position in sex, and didn't like letting people know about their relationship. Unfortunately, the relationship ended very badly, but what would you expect from such a pairing?

As for the possibility of medical problems due to anal sex, they are very low. The anal sphincter is a muscle, and can be trained by exercise. With experience comes conscious control of that muscle, and the ability to relax and contract it at will. In fact, there are some medical studies that suggest that regular prostate massage can reduce the risk of prostate cancer (nothing definitive yet, but why take chances). Of course, as we get older we all start to fall apart, no matter what sort of sexual activities we indulge in.

Thanks for the offer on QAF, but I've already put in my order with someone else for VHS copies.

-- Minotaur




Jamwired asks,

I've heard that too much anal sex damages the anal passage making it difficult to control bowel movements. I was just wondering if this was true and if it is, if you don't mind answering such a personal question, if you or anyone you've known has had any problems with it. And also, if it's true, if there's any way of preventing or fixing it (other than not having anal sex).

Also, I've read a lot of fanfic where when the "bottom man" has an orgasm, his anal muscles contract around the penis of the "top man," adding extra stimulus. You said in an earlier post: "there aren't any nerves on the interior walls of the rectum or anal canal". So, my questions: Can the bottom man feel semen from the top man when he orgasms? Do the anal muscles contract around the penis on orgasm?


Dear Jamwired,

While it is possible to damage the rectal canal during anal sex, it would have to be either *really* frequently, like multiple times per day, or *extremely* rough, like getting fisted by someone who doesn't know what they're doing (or getting raped..). Even then the problem wouldn't be with controlling bowel movements, but with some sort of septic shock due to damage of the interior walls of the rectum. I've never heard of anyone getting fucked so much they couldn't control themselves.

The first bit, about the bottom feeling the semen is a definite "No", but there's actually some debate on the second bit. I answered another similar question by saying "No, it's literary license" and was scolded by a couple of people. I've never felt it happen, but that doesn't mean nobody else has either. I would think, and this is only my opinion without benefit of medical training of any kind, is that once you learn to control the anal sphincters well enough to allow for easy penetration, that conscious control would override any unconscious muscle spasms that might otherwise accompany orgasm.

However, since both myths are so firmly established not only in fanfic but also in gay erotica, you can use them freely without worry that you'll alienate experienced readers.

-- Minotaur