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Bev asks,

I am not a writer, but, just curious about something. I have read several fanfics where the guys are in gay bars and they are having sex, either anal or oral, in the bar. Is it common to have a bar that caters to this sort of activity?


Dear Bev,

Common, no. But most cities that have more than a couple of gay bars will have one where the "code of conduct" is looser, and fun stuff goes on in the dark corners. This is less common nowadays than it was back in the 70s and early 80s - then it was quite common in big cities. But you can still find this kind of bar in places like New York, San Francisco or LA.

-- Minotaur




Neil Harvey asks,

What is the percentage of gay relationships that are completly monogamous compared to those that occasionally have a threesome or somesuch?


Dear Neil Harvey,

Hmm, I couldn't find any statistics that I trusted. I don't think anyone has made any sort of study of this issue. From my own experience and observation, I'd have to guess about 50/50. Then again, I worked in bars for many years, so the couples I saw were the ones who were still going out. There are plenty of gay couples who don't go out to the bars very often, and there's no way to know what sort of sex lives they lead.

Sorry I couldn't be more specific.

-- Minotaur




Satyr asks,

a) How many (gay) males actually maintain their virginity beyond the age of 16? 18? 25? and...

b) What would be the lead reasons why? Culture, location, pressure (peer)?


Dear Satyr,

Hmm, I wasn't able to find any sort of statistics I trusted the look of on the web, but from a purely anecdotal and personal perspective I can offer description of three "types".

"The Early Bloomer" - these guys know they are gay from a *very* young age, and are more likely to loose their viginity early in life (early to late teens).

"The Closet Case" - these guys either don't know that they're gay, or don't accept it. They usually loose their virginity somewhat later (mid-teens to mid-twenties).

"The Late Bloomer" - these guys function as heterosexuals for a while, through college or even later, then realize they're homos and make the switch.

On the whole, it's my guess that overall gay men tend to loose their virginity a few years earlier than their straight counterparts. But again, this is only my impression from my conversations with other gay guys and my own experiences.

-- Minotaur




Eve asks,

I'm curious. There are movies, TV shows, and books where a gay man will get drunk and sleep with a woman, or sometimes sleep with a woman who's a friend if she really likes him, etc. Would a gay man be able to be aroused by woman if he was sober, or would her body actually "turn him off"? Would it make a difference if he was drunk? Personally I'm not turned on by other women even if I'm drunk, so it never made sense to me why a drunk gay man would suddenly be able to perform against his preferences.


Dear Eve,

This is because sexuality isn't binary. Most people aren't *either* straight or gay, they're somewhere in between. Back in the 1960's there was a famous study of human sexuality done by Dr. Kinsey, in which he rated people on a scale from 0 to 6 - with 0 being completely heterosexual, no thoughts, dreams, desires or experiences with members of the same gender, and 6 being completely homosexual, no thoughts, dreams, desires or experiences with the opposite gender. They found that only about 6% of the population fell at either end of this scale - everyone else lay somewhere in between. So there are plenty of guys who identify as "gay", and 99.9999999999% of their partners are men, but occasionally that desire for a woman rears its head (so to speak) and since alcohol is a dis-inhibitor, being drunk would let a guy act on these feelings.

Also, keep in mind that many gay men have had sex with women - before they came out they may have been involved with women, even married to one. So this may not be the first time, and the behavior not so much a change, as a slipping backwards.

Then there's also the question of what the TV show or book is really trying to say with this. Is it a plot point, or is there some buried homophobia going on? Is the character being used to illustrate some issue the author wants to talk about, or is he just being used to advance some other character's development?

And finally, remember the old joke..
Q: What's the difference between a straight frat boy and a gay one?
A: Two six packs.

-- Minotaur