Title: The Thing About Sunday
Pairings: Beckett/Lorne, Beckett/McKay, Dex/Sheppard, Zelenka/Other
Summary: The best thing about Sunday is what really happened.
Challenge: Fix the Episode at the LiveJournal community, sgaauwtptbdfu
Spoilers: S3.14 or .17 (depending on whom you believe and why) Sunday, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Max Headroom.
Author's Notes: A big thanks to LiveJournal users lapis_laz, sgatlantislight, darkmuadib, mice1900, and the mysterious head of MI6 for their assistance in the following fic’s tweakerage. One particular piece was inspired by the brilliant SGA Motivationals of the brilliantly funny mklutz.
None of the following is really my fault. Blame my Inner!Rodney – I know I do, frequently.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine; please don’t sue, we’ll both regret it in the morning.
The Thing About Sunday by Inkscribe
The best thing about Sunday was when Noah Wylie was a guest star. They originally wanted the creepy bearded guy from the original publication run of The Joy of Sex, but someone figured he was too long in the tooth for the dark-attraction factor they were seeking.
The best thing about Sunday was that the golf was mercifully short, although had Carson joined the guys kitted out in traditional golf gear and the breeze came up, it would have been worth the rest of the tedium, and the bit where he would explain – without a trace of irony – the real meaning behind the phrase ‘a hole in one’ would have been a joy to behold.
The best thing about Sunday was the proof of the Universal Constant that while doctors everywhere are pestered for free advice, potential patients are Really Asking For It from those in charge of karmic retribution. The guy was probably very, very fortunate he didn’t hit up the pathologist first.
The best thing about Sunday was teaching exobiology by the lovely re-enactment of Flamingo Mating Rituals of Earth. The addition of a bit of whapperage with pointy objects only heightened the tension and reality of this very touching bonding moment. Sadly, we missed seeing either Ronon or John in pink. We’re confident they’d wear it well.
The best thing about Sunday was how Liz managed to avoid Wylie’s octopussian tendencies as he flailed and groped at her across the plastic commissary table. And her deft skill at convincing the oozing slimeball that she had consumed her Roofie-laden Evian water when she had, in fact, given it to a potted plant, was sublime in the extreme. He was no match for her masterly administrative powers.
The best thing about Sunday was finally learning, once and for all, that John has ... yearnings. We know why that marriage didn’t work out, dude, and so should you. Ronon is thrilled that John just wants him to be happy. When Ronon dropped to his knees, we knew he was finally ready.
The best thing about Sunday is the chance for Lanteans to learn The Economies of Space Economics. To wit? Tennis shoes are a luxury to ship in the Daedelus. Consumable goods such as bottled water and carbon-dioxide packaged sandwiches are not. We never did get to see the episode where an entire team died from bad mayonnaise.
The best thing about Sunday was plaid! And chess! And geeks! And plaid! Did I mention plaid? Sadly, we missed the part where Radek beat the other guy whilst blindfolded, which led to a shouting match, followed by mudwrestling, and then a lengthy shower scene. No plaid for that part.
The best thing about Sunday was Carson’s coy acceptance of Lorne’s offer to paint him in the nude. Lorne was surprised, at first, that Carson hadn’t expected any canvas to be involved, but he was willing to be flexible and the results were gorgeous. The shower was stained from a dozen different colours, three handprints and seven footprints, for a month afterward. It was worth it. We missed the part where Lorne had to hunt through his gesso to find his lube.
The best thing about Sunday was that Rodney came to recognise that accepting a PETA membership was, in fact, fraught with unforeseen dangers. Kill the fish, Rodney, and all will be well.
The best thing about Sunday was when Carson promised to sleep with Teyla. Not being inclined that way, he didn’t normally do that sort of thing, but she was a decent lass and he really could do the operation in his sleep, so what the hell, he’d take one for the team. Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy, just not anywhere in the general vicinity of Rodney, of course.
The best thing about Sunday was when we saw the human slave carting his Dalek overlord through the corridors of Atlantis just so Carson could bring him a hand-packed picnic lunch. Go Carson! Else the Daleks will ex-ter-min-ate!
The best thing about Sunday was when we learned the Ancients colluded with Network 23 to create blipverts thousands of years before Edison Carter uncovered the entire scheme. No television-mounted penguins nor Mrs. Niggerbaiter were involved in the advertorial carnage. News at 11.
The best thing about Sunday was finally discovering why Rodney was being hunted in four separate Earth nations (plus three American states) for charges of bigamy. He’s a spontaneous fellow, and he probably meant the proposal – each time. He wonders whether there is a Siberia somewhere in Pegasus where he can be transferred to so he can hide out. Or, better yet, blame it on Rod.
The best thing about Sunday was discovering that those who are not able to Ascend end up going to Wal-Mart. If they were egregiously bad in life, they are sent to Disneyland.
The best thing about Sunday was discovering that John really did take gigs as a stripper. We always suspected as much and we all appreciated the opportunity to see the opening act.
The best thing about Sunday was discovering that while Asgardian beaming tech can do wonders for Go’uld extraction, apparently it isn’t of any value for tumours. At the end of the day, fancy alien tech doesn’t hold a candle to sharp pointy scalpels and blood spatter!
The best thing about Sunday was discovering that ZPM power management problems have been solved on Atlantis. Trips to transfer large numbers of people and inert cargo that has no need for time-sensitive travel is no longer a problem! As a result, we can expect next season to involve Atlantis obtaining its first Starbucks and, of course, a Wal-Mart.
The best thing about Sunday was learning that the Ascended have no sense of direction. Carson would have made it to his own funeral, but he got lost in the vicinity of a red giant that reminded him of sunsets in Skye and well, it was pretty. After he made it back to Atlantis and chatted up Rodney, he decided to assimilate into the city itself. At first, he hung out around the commissary, but then he discovered shower rooms were far more interesting. He was surprised, really, because as a doctor he had believed he’d seen it all, but it turns out that’s just not true. Hot, cold – it’s all up to Carson now. When he figures out how to make his voice audible again, he’s planning to whisper to Rodney “Cough, please.”
End, The Thing About Sunday