Fractured Fairy Tales
Fractured Fairy Tales: A House fairy tale parody
Word Count: 4,490
Rating: M, mostly for language. Femmeslash if you squint.
A/N: OK, this started as a half-baked idea, which became a plot bunny, which became the story that ATE my BRAIN! But it was fun, kinda easy for awhile...the first 5 pages pretty much wrote themselves in the space of 45 minutes. At 6:30 a.m. Thursday morning, while I was putting off my Comp homework, which was due @ 10:05. Never fear, I got them both done! But the ending of this thing...FOUGHT me tooth and nail, I kept getting up, and coming back, getting up and coming back...DAMN ADD!
Anyways...I don't own any of the characters, except the omnipotent narrator (and yes, she IS a bitch, and yes, she IS me), none of the locations...blah blah blah. Not mine, except in ...I think. Also, what I failed to realize is that I'd have to add all the italics, bold, and underline HTML tags once I was done...yeah. Not cool. But I love writing, so it's not a big deal! (Not TOO big, anyway. ^_^)
But, without further ado...
Fractured Fairy Tales!!
Why Only Chase Looks Good In a Tutu
"This is ridiculous."
"Oh, come on Cameron! It could be fun!"
"Only you would say that, House...and only to make us all miserable."
House pulled a face. "At least I don't have to wear the tutu..."
Don't tell them that part yet, you ninny!
House looked up at the ceiling where the yelling voice had just come from. "Uhm...OK, Whiny Nasally Voice. Who are you?"
I'm the narrator, dipwad.
"Shoulda figured that..." House muttered.
And if you tell them stuff from the middle of the story, you'll spoil the plot. And before you say `So what?', so help me , if you cross m, ...I'll re-write this ENTIRE story and put YOU in the tutu. Savvy? And my voice is NOT whiny OR nasally! (A/N: It's actually not...I have a rather low voice for a woman. OK, I'm gone!)
House shot a death glare in the general direction of the ceiling. "And if I refuse?"
Some various clicking sounds could be heard, a muttered curse (as much as an omnipresent voice CAN mutter), and House was suddenly sporting big, pink, glittery wings.
"All right, all right, you've made your point!" House yelled. "Just get rid of the damn wings! How am I supposed to be a sexy beast of a prince if I have FAIRY wings?!"
Technically, you're not actually a prince.
"Plus, I think `sexy beast' is pushing it..." Foreman muttered from somewhere we don't care about because he's really not important to this chapter.
Foreman glared at the ceiling. "Excuse me?!"
Oh, quit whining! It's hard enough writing this damn story without you NAGGING me all the time!
Foreman stomped away, muttering under his breath the whole way.
Can we PLEASE get on with the story now?! Before I die of old age?!
"Hey, we've been waiting on you while you've been yelling at Foreman" House quipped.
Keep it up, asshole. I'll add the poufy dress to go with your oh-so-lovely wings.
"Which, by the way, you still haven't gotten rid of" House added.
Fine. Geez, you're a whiny little bastard.
There were more clicking noises, another muttered curse, and House was suddenly wingless.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG...Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Camerella.
"You have GOT to be kidding me."
Shut up. This is my story, and it's `fractured' anyway.
"Can't I just be `Cameron'?"
No. Anyway, Camerella was raised by a kind man and his wife, who both loved her very much. But the man's wife had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and died when Camerella was 12.
"Why does non-Hodgkin's lymphoma ALWAYS pop up?!"
It doesn't. And now...I'm ignoring you. Camerella's father insisted she needed a mother to help raise her, and so he remarried. To the Lady Cuddy.
"WHAT?! Why am I the evil stepmother?!"
You're kidding, right? If I was doing a Wicked parody, you'd be Elphaba, if I was doing LOTR, you'd be Sauron-
"Thanks, I get it."
Glad we settled that. Lady Cuddy had two ugly daughters- Head Nurse Brenda and Debbie from Accounting.
"How is that even possible...?"
It just is. Anyway, Camerella's father was ailing himself, and soon, he became too weak to leave his bed. His condition deteriorated, and he eventually passed away, leaving Camerella at the mercy of her stepmother.
"Does that mean I get to have my wicked way with her?" Cuddy asked suggestively. Cameron blushed. House leered at them both.
Once I'm done with the story, do whatever you want. And House, get outta here! You don't come in till the end!
House limped off, muttering something about "discrimination toward crippled princes".
You're not really a PRINCE! Moving on...
Lady Cuddy had a true sadistic streak, and she made Camerella do all the household chores, plus really NASTY chores, like rubbing her smelly feet, and brushing Brenda's greasy hair.
Brenda and Cuddy squawked indignantly. House about fell over, he was laughing so hard. "I like your narration, kid. I'd tip my hat to you, if I had one."
Well, thank you. And I'm not really a kid...I'm 18. This beats my college Comp homework ANY day.
"Yuck...college. Remind me why I went...?"
So you could become a doctor and prove how superior you are...blah blah blah. Anyway, one day, as Camerella was scrubbing the floors, an invitation arrived. To what was going to be THE party of the year. The Annual Black Tie Oncology Event.
"Wasn't that Casino Night?" Cameron asked timidly.
Canon is boring. We're having a ball instead. Besides, if there ISN'T a ball, Chase won't get to have his part, and he'll get all pissed off and start crying again. I don't need that.
"Yeah...I know what you mean. OK, then, let's have a ball!"
Finally, one of them isn't being difficult! YEAH FOR ME! Anyway...Lady Cuddy was very excited by the invitation (being the Dean of Medicine, she'd had to approve and orchestrate the damn thing, but that didn't mean she couldn't be excited), and she and Brenda and Debby flew into a tizzy of excitement, imagining how it would be.
"I don't go into a `tizzy' over anything!" Brenda snapped, glaring at the ceiling.
(click) (clickity click) (Brenda was now sporting a unibrow and a mole. She kind of looked like the white version of Freda Kahlo.)
"OMIGOD I CAN'T GO TO THE BALL LIKE THIS CHANGE ME BACK I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!"
There was a cackle of laughter, a few clicks, and Brenda was back to normal. She withdrew into a corner, whimpering.
"Camerella!" Cuddy barked. "We'll need you to alter our dresses-let out hems, fix buttons, that sort of thing-, pick up our shoes and jewelry, and help us do our hair, the usual things. The ball's tonight, after all!"
Camerella looked up shyly. "And...what shall I wear to the ball, stepmother?"
Lady Cuddy laughed so hard, she had to sit down and take a few drinks of whiskey double before she could talk again. "You?! Go to the BALL?! You must be crazy! You can't go, you weren't invited!"
"But it says on the invitation"-Cameronella snatched it out of Lady Cuddy's hand-"Every eligible maiden is to attend."
Lady Cuddy glared at the invitation. It did indeed say that, but she had to figure out SOME way of keeping Camerella from attending. And all at once, she did. An evil smile spread across her lips.
"I could chain her to my bed naked. That'd stop her from going" Cuddy purred. "But it might not stop her from com"-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! I have nothing against femmeslash, really, I don't, but that's not what I'm writing today! And I don't need to hear more bad sexual puns; House is plenty good at that, THANK YOU!
"I am the king!"
Shut up, House. And if I have to tell you once more to wait till your character is essential to the plot, I'm gonna make those wings permanent.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah...Cuddy's "devious" plan. It actually wasn't all that great, but she called it "devious" in her mind, to make it sound cooler.
"I do not!" Cuddy protested, turning bright red. "It IS a devious plan, and it'll work, too!"
Riiiiiiiiiight. Ever heard of `Amor Vincent Omnia'? Let me answer that...of course you haven't. It means `Love Conquers All'. In other words...your plan could be foolproof, but it STILL won't work. This might be a fractured fairy tale, but I'll still try to give it a happy ending.
"Whatever" Cuddy muttered. To Camerella, she said "All right, you can go. IF you do all the chores on that list I just made. And IF you can find a suitable dress. And IF you cover 4 of my Clinic hours this week."
Camerella was so excited she agreed, despite all the strings. She hurried off to complete all her tasks, eyes shining with excitement. So she didn't notice Cuddy's smile get even MORE evil, and her eyes start to gleam slightly red.
"Hey! You try being evil AND running a hospital at the same time! It's a wonder I don't ALWAYS have red eye!"
Oh, boo. Hoo. Hoo. Try being narrator of THIS circus, THEN come and talk to me about tough jobs.
(Cuddy glared evilly in the direction of the ceiling, and then went back to grinning evilly and generally looking bitchy-I mean evil.)
"I hate you."
I know. But at least you're co-operating with me. And look on the bright side, when the chapter's over-you get Cameron!
"Ooooh! Good point! I'll be good for the rest of the fic...I mean, evil; I mean...you know what I mean."
Yeah, I do. And thanks. You aren't so bad after all.
Wow, I'm waxing sappy. Anyway, back to the PLOT...
Camerella hurried about doing her chores, whistling all the while, and thinking about the handsome men that were sure to be at the ball. Actually, one man in particular...Sir Gregory. He wasn't particularly kind. Or handsome, for that matter. Or charming, either-babe, what do you SEE in him?!
"Someone who's just aching to be loved! He just needs my help to realize it!"
Have you ever heard the song `Cock-Eyed Optimist'?
Never mind...anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...even though he wasn't the conventional type of guy, Camerella had loved him since she first started working for him. Even though he was rude, selfish, egotistical, and unprofessional, she fell for him anyway. Because she knew that, deep down, he had to have a heart.
"Yeah, really, really, REALLY deep down" Chase muttered from the shadows.
Not yet, you fairy! And I mean that in BOTH senses of the word. Not until she's crying and sounding really whiny!
"Sounding really WHAT?!"
I love fairy tales. So, Camerella had completed her chores, covered Lady Cuddy's Clinic hours, and had even altered an old dress that Debbie from Accounting never wore anymore. But as soon as she stepped into the entryway where her stepmother and sisters were gathered primping, she was doomed. Debbie from Accounting recognized her old dress. And then, in a fit of jealousy that would've made a 5-year-old proud, she stormed over to Camerella and began tugging at the dress.
"You stole my dress!" she shrieked nasally.
See, THAT'S what a nasally voice sounds like.
"Oh...stuff it" House was apparently unable to come up with any comebacks that would spare him from getting permanent pink wings.
"I'm not letting you wear that, it's mine!" Debbie continued. "Isn't it, Brenda?"
"It sure is!" Brenda said, with a malicious look on her face. "And everyone thinks you're the nice one, now you're stealing from your own step-sister?"
"It was in a pile to give to charity!" Camerella protested, trying to fend off the two women, without much success. Both were a couple inches taller and had at least 15 pounds on her.
You're not charity, hun. Besides...it's REALLY ugly.
"It was the only thing I could find that wasn't the size of a circus tent!" Camerella hissed at the ceiling.
Unfortunately for her, Debbie overheard. She shrieked with rage, and then started ripping the gown off Camerella's body. Brenda joined in, and only Lady Cuddy's imperious voice (plus the fact they were about to de-clothe her) stopped them.
"Girls, GIRLS!" she cried, clapping her hands for attention. Debbie and Brenda turned to look at her, while Camerella attempted to cover herself with 1.5 sleeves, half a hem, and 2/3 of the bodice. "It's time to go...if you keep that up, you'll mess up your own outfits." Debbie and Brenda flounced out the door, noses in the air.
Cuddy turned back to Camerella. "Good night, child" she said, smiling and yet managing to look exactly like the spawn of Satan at the same time.
Camerella sank to her knees, almost giving up all hope. Tears started running down her face, and she brushed them angrily away. "No, NO! I won't give up this easily! I've got to get to the hospital and make Sir Gregory fall in love with me! There's got to be SOMEONE who can help me!"
((mega author sigh)) CHASE! NOW you go on!
"I SAID, `THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMEONE'"-
"Yeah yeah, they heard you in Melbourne, can you not yell that loudly?" came a thickly accented voice from slightly above her.
Camerella looked up...and promptly fell over from laughing.
Hovering above her was a 6'3" Australian man dressed exactly like Jareth the Goblin King.
What a minute. What happened to the tutu?!
"No fucking way I was wearing that thing! It was PINK!"
And your point is...what?
"It doesn't go with my skiiiiiiin" he whined.
And you ask WHY you're the fairy godmother? `It doesn't go with my skin'... holy Moses.
"You don't even have skin."
Shut up before I dress you up like Tim Curry.
"OK, then!" The Aussie clapped his hands in delight. "My name is Sparkle, and I'll be your fairy godmother tonight!" He blinked several times in confusion. "Wait...SPARKLE?!"
I didn't get any sleep last night, OK? Gimme a break! Just roll with it.
"I hate you" he muttered, but pasted on a bright smile for Camerella. "I'm here to help make your wish come true, and you're going to get to go to the ball!"
Camerella stood up so fast the top of her head collided with Sparkle's nose. As he was hopping around in pain, she gushed "Really? Oh, I'd HOPED someone could help me!"
"Yeah, got that from the crying and yelling" Sparkle muttered, pulling his (PINK!) magic wand out of the pocket of his Goblin King pants. "OK, so...you'll need a dress, jewelry, a ride...shouldn't be too hard."
Says the only fairy to have to take "Elementary Conjuring" FOUR times.
"You promised you'd never mention that!"
You promised you'd wear the tutu!
"Uhm, can we get back to...me?" Camerella said impatiently. "I have to get to this ball on time, or Sir Gregory's going to fall in love with someone else and I'll be a slave to my stepmother my whole life!"
Sparkle looked like he'd rather be ANYWHERE but with Camerella. Can't blame him, really...she's kinda starting to creep me out, too.
"Totally" muttered Sparkle. "But! I do have the wand, and I've graduated from the Fairy Academy, and I'm here to help you!" He rolled up his sleeves, pointed the wand at Camerella.
Chase, one hint: Don't say `Bippidy-boppidy-boo', or Disney can sue us.
"Right" Chase said under his breath. "OK, Camerella...picture the dress in your mind, while I'm saying the magic words. Got it? OK...here we go!" Chase took a deep breath, waved his wand in a circle over his head, and said "Amor Vincent Omnia!"
Camerella was surrounded by a globe of bright, pure white light. When it had faded away at last, you would've sworn it wasn't the same person! The dirt and grime covering her face and clothes was gone. Her hair was sleek and shiny, and coiled up on top of her head. Her dress was a rather flattering shade of blue, hugging her figure in all the right places. A small tiara was on her head, an unobtrusive diamond pendant around her neck, and on her feet...
"Glass slippers!" she exclaimed, turning her foot this way and that, catching the light. "But...won't they break?"
"Nope! Certifiably break-proof, up to 1000 lbs. So no worries!" He flashed a brilliant grin at her, which she returned.
"Thank you SOO much, Sparkle! But...how am I getting to the ball?"
"Gotcha covered. Come with me."
He led her outside, where a white stretch limo waited. "I kind of suck at conjuring transportation"-
You suck at conjuring most things...except that fabulous wardrobe you got me!
The author/narrator is sleep-deprived. Give her a break!
"Whatever." Sparkle was now focusing all his attention on Camerella. "Now listen, cuz this next bit's important. You MUST leave the ball by midnight. No ifs, ands, or buts. Because at midnight, your gown will turn back into rags, your gems will vanish, and you'll be charged another day for the limo."
"OK Sparkle, I promise!" Camerella said gleefully. "Oh, I can't thank you ENOUGH!" She pulled him into a hug and kissed him on both cheeks, then waved good-bye cheerfully as she ducked into the limo.
I have failed to come up with a clever scene transition...suffice it to say, Camerella annoyed the HELL out of the limo driver by playing with partition, until he finally disabled it. And I TOLD you he'd do that!
"Oh, shut up!"
When she arrived at the ball, Camerella was pretty much speechless at the number of people, the amount of jewels, and all the money being thrown around.
If only we could get her to be speechless more often...but this didn't seem to be a problem, since she'd just spotted Sir Gregory. She was about to go and talk to him, when she remembered she wasn't even supposed to be here in the first place, so she just hung back and admired him from afar.
"I sound like I'm mooning over him! Oh, wait...I kind of am..."
Righty-o. But as she was talking to herself, she didn't notice as he moved out of her line of sight. This means that she also didn't notice when he came up right behind her. Until he started to talk to her. Man, it was funny! She jumped almost a foot in the air!
"Hello" he said, gazing intently at her. There was something familiar about her; he just couldn't place what it was.
Camerella just stood there, unable to speak, one thought running through her head: `OMIGOD HE'S TALKING TO ME!!' Eventually, she got control over her voice back, and managed to reply, "How do you do, Sir Gregory?"
"Lousy" he replied. "My leg hurts, I don't want to be here, and Lady Cuddy is being a pain in my ass."
"I'm sorry to hear that" she said, suppressing an eye roll. The way she did hers was very distinctive-he'd surely recognize her as his subordinate if she did.
The orchestra finished playing the song they'd been performing when she came in, which had been a rather lively quickstep, and people clapped politely, waiting for the next dance to start. The players bowed their heads in acknowledgement, and then struck up Chopin's `Minute Waltz'.
"Oh, this is one of my favorites!" Cameronella said, just loudly enough for Sir Gregory to hear.
He turned and looked at her. "You like Chopin?"
She blushed and looked down. "It's the only one I know...but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. I meant, it's one of my favorite classical pieces."
"Intelligent, and beautiful. An all too rare combination nowadays."
Camerella's blush deepened. "You flatter me."
"Not at all. A woman who has classical music among her favored tastes in music is an intelligent woman. I like that." His eyes twinkled. "Would you care to dance?"
"Of course, but...the song just ended" she said in a small voice.
"No matter. I'll have them play one of my favorite songs." He winked at her. "I'll be right back."
As he limped away, Camerella felt like she was floating on a cloud. Not only had she actually spoken to Sir Gregory, but they were going to dance together! If it wasn't for the fact that her dress would tear if she did so, Camerella thought she might faint from happiness.
As Sir Gregory came limping back towards her, a slow, almost mournful tune began. She began wondering how they would dance to it because of 1.) His leg and 2.) The insanely slow tempo, when it started to pick up to waltz tempo. It was still pretty slow, but danceable...and yes, that's a word.
Sir Gregory took her hand and led her onto the dance floor. The tempo was still slow enough that they didn't have to move too much, which was good considering his lack of mobility and her lack of dancing skills.
"I don't see US mocking YOU for your lack of clever scene transitions!" Camerella snapped toward the ceiling.
It's almost over, OK Princess Bitch-A-Lot?! Just bear with me.
"So...what song is this?" she asked, remembering Sir Gregory had mentioned it was one of his favorites.
"It's called `Valse triste', by Jean Sibelius" he replied. "It means `sad waltz' in German. Ironically, Sibelius is Finnish." He smiled, and the smile reached all the way to his eyes. Camerella's knees turned to jelly.
She didn't dance with anyone else all night. And the only time she didn't dance was when Sir Gregory danced with Lady Cuddy, because it was expected of him. And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. No, he did it because she threatened to fire him if he didn't.
The last dance they participated in was a bolero, before Camerella begged exhaustion. They strolled out onto the lawn of the hospital, and seated themselves on the bench there.
"Are you having a good time?" Sir Gregory asked, looking over at her.
"I'm having a wonderful time...I can't remember when I was this happy!" Camerella replied.
And just when it looked like they were going to kiss and make all her dreams come true, a clock somewhere close by started chiming.
"Oh God, no! Is it midnight?!" Camerella asked anxiously.
"Uhm, yeah, I think so. Why?" Sir Gregory asked.
"I...I...I really wish I didn't, but I have to go! It was so nice dancing with you, goodbye!"
And with that, Camerella took off running. Well, as much as you can run in a dress that's form-fitting and ankle-length. She lost one of her slippers in the process, but couldn't spare the TWO SECONDS it might've taken to retrieve it-Sir Gregory just couldn't see her in rags and grimy hair!
Of course, if she DID retrieve it, we wouldn't have a story. Never mind.
She arrived back at Lady Cuddy's house about an hour before her and her daughters. She was exactly where they had left her-on her knees in the entryway. Of course, this was because she'd stubbed her toe and fallen, but they mocked her for not being able to go to the ball. And after drawing baths for them and helping them out of their formalwear, she went to bed.
The next day, she woke up at 8:00, got dressed, and prepared to go to the hospital, like it was any other day. She was just getting ready to leave, when she heard Lady Cuddy on the phone.
"So...everyone who was at the ball last night has to stay home, while you try to find a needle in a haystack?" Camerella held her breath! Lady Cuddy always called Sir Gregory `House'-and he was coming here!
"Fine, FINE!" Lady Cuddy yelled into the phone. "But I do have to go into the hospital sometime; you might as well stop here first. See you then." She slammed the phone down angrily, yelling for Debbie and Brenda. Camerella hurriedly got out of sight.
Oh no you don't! You have to be just visible enough so that he'll see you...go hide at the top of the stairs or something.
"I'm not THAT dumb!" Camerella hissed. And promptly ran to the top of the stairs.
When Sir Gregory arrived, you'd think the world had stopped turning just for his visit. Brenda and Debbie didn't even know why he was there and Lady Cuddy looked kind of...smug?
"House. Let's hope this wild goose chase of yours doesn't waste too much of my time, hmmm? I have 2 board meetings today, another meeting with a donor"-
"Please, Cuddy, spare me" Sir Gregory replied. "I just want to try this slipper"-He held up Camerella's glass slipper-"on your daughter's feet, if it doesn't fit, we'll move on. OK?"
"Fine" Lady Cuddy sighed. "Debbie-you first, then Brenda. And DON'T bicker about the order-just do it."
Even though Sir Gregory could see that Debbie and Brenda both had flipper feet, and the slipper couldn't possibly fit them, he was obligated to try. He'd made too big of a stink with Cuddy to back down now.
Debbie sat in a chair by the front door and Sir Gregory attempted to put the slipper on her foot. Her toes didn't even get into the point.
Cackling at her sister, Brenda took her seat. But she didn't fare any better, her foot was too wide to even get IN the shoe.
Sir Gregory stood up, wincing in pain as he did so. After popping two Vicoden, he turned to Lady Cuddy and asked, "What about you? You gonna try it on?"
"Please, House. If their feet didn't fit, why would mine?"
"Good point. Is this everyone in your house that went to the ball last night?" he asked, casting a look around the room.
"Yes. There's no one else" Lady Cuddy said quickly.
A little too quickly, if you ask me.
"Yeah, I think so too. Cuddy! I know when you're lying to me...there's someone else, isn't there? Someone you're not telling me about."
"She wasn't even at the ball!" Cuddy protested. She winced, knowing she'd be tricked. "Shit!"
"Call her down, before I limp around your house to find her" Sir Gregory said, perfectly calmly, with the barest hint of a threat under the words.
"Fine!" Cuddy spat, and strode over to the stairs. "CAMERELLA! FOYER! NOW!"
Camerella tiptoed to the end of the hallway, and then walked so her steps could be heard to the top of the stairs, and descended them. Sir Gregory's eyes widened as he recognized her, then they narrowed, and one corner of him mouth curled up in what might have been a smile.
"I always knew you were more clever than you let on" he said softly. "Do you even need to try the slipper on?"
Camerella smiled and pulled the other slipper from her pocket. "I don't think so. But I can to humor you."
Sir Gregory laughed-genuinely laughed, the first time Camerella had ever heard him do so. "Try it on...let's just make sure."
Camerella set her slipper down next to it's mate, and then, using Sir Gregory for balance, slipped her feet into them. As you can imagine, they fit perfectly.
And as they were leaving Lady Cuddy's house hand-in-hand, she and Debbie and Brenda were calling after her to invite them to the wedding, but she didn't even hear them.
Later (after the wedding), she found out that Brenda and Debbie had quiet their jobs because they couldn't stand to be around them, and Cuddy...actually, I have no idea what happened to her.
"Indefinite psych leave" Sparkle supplied helpfully.
Thanks Sparkle. And they lived happily (and slightly dysfunctionally) ever after.
"And now I can make out with Cameron!" Cuddy said gleefully, grabbing the brunette by the wrist, and dragging her into the nearest closet.
Ending Author's Notes: Wow...when I conceived this fic, I thought it'd be 7, 8 pages, TOPS. It turned into the 14-page fic that took over my BRAIN! 4, 446 words in one fic...that's gotta be a personal record, LOL! I plan to do another fairy tale, hopefully it'll be shorter...LMAO! Any suggestions? Please leave a review and tell me!
Your tour guide through insanity,
Please post a comment on this story.
Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.