The Xander Effect
A ficlet inspired by "First Date" episode of BtVS.
Last night the entire TV world was rocked by Xander Harris' decision to
defy his creators and become gay. "It just made sense," he said. "Women
have been nothing but trouble for me. I'm a total demon magnet. Of
course, I'm still a demon magnet with men." He smiled at the blonde
vampire next to him, in whose hand his was entwined. "But it doesn't
bother me as much now."
Characters on shows all across the television world have begun a quiet
mutiny, deciding to get with that special someone for this Valentine's Day.
Blair Sandburg finally proposed marriage to Jim Ellison and the two are
planning to marry in the fall. "We want to wait until my Mom gets back
from India," Blair said. "She's going to be so happy. She just loves
In the very act of punching Krycek, Mulder stopped and kissed him instead.
"I've been wanting to do that for forever," he reportedly said. The two
are moving in with FBI Assistant Director Skinner and getting a dog and
some new fish.
On Smallville, Clark emerged from the barn after an obvious roll in the
hay. "I'd like to announce that I've been very mean to Lex lately because
of sexual frustration, but that's all going to end now," he said. "I
really, really, really apologize and I know I have a lot to make up for,
but I plan to, well, do everything I can to make up for it. And Lana, have
you thought about Chloe? Seriously, have you thought about it? Umm, I'm
gonna go now." And then he disappeared into the barn again.
On Lord of the Rings, Legolas stared meaningfully into the distance, his
hair caught in the evening breeze, his hand pressed tightly to his chest.
He was obviously thinking of his love. Behind him Aragorn took the
opportunity to finally kiss his horse.
"What did they expect?" Officer Ray Kowalski told reporters. "They throw
us at one another for years, my partner and I, and then they expect us to
be all heterosexual and stuff. Well, no more, I love my partner and he
loves me and the three of us [Officer Kowalski, Constable Fraser, and
Diefenbaker, their dog] are moving to Canada.