Title: Trust 
Author: Elizabeth Helena 
Series: DS9

Codes: G/B, G/BFF 
Rating: NC-17 for describing things that happen in showers other than 
getting clean, and for implying that things happen in beds other than 
sleeping.

Warning: Cardie slash writers should never watch documentaries on the 
mating habits of reptiles. The opinions expressed here are those of 
the characters, and do not necessarily reflect those of the author, 
Paramount Pictures, or any of there subsidiaries  ;-) . 

Spoilers: Up to and including season five's "In the Cards," but most 
particularly for the consequences of Dr. Zimmerman's visit in "Dr. 
Bashir, I Presume" and Garak's fun and games on "Empok Nor." 

Disclaimer: These characters are still not my bitches. This 
observation might encourage some people to make the libellous 
assertion that Paramount is their pimp. But not me. 

Summary: Response to Mark's salacious challenge to "write
something in which Garak's physiology is different enough to cause 
sexual challenges." Around the time of "In the Cards," in other 
words after "Empok Nor" but before "Call to Arms," Garak and Bashir 
confront some serious and not so serious problems in their ongoing 
relationship. 

Beta: Adrienne whose hot G/E* put me in the mood to write about two 
men talking incessantly under the sheets. *Giles/Ethan from the 
Buffyverse, not Garak/Ezri - for Keelywolfe excepted, yikes!
					
Dedication: To Mark Russel Stanley who believes: "There can never 
be too many Alien Sex stories!" Ah, the innocence of youth. But 
seriously, to Mark in gratitude for his encouragement, his 
conscientious caretaking of the G/B Fuh-Q-Fest, and his many 
inspirational G/B stories.

Further Thanks to: 
First, Olivia Montieth who suggested to me that Garak might be hung 
like an iguana. True, in the final draft he more closely resembles a 
Canadian garter snake, but that's because I've never actually seen an 
iguana's -- okay there's no way that sentence will end well. 
Second, Allison Kulp for reminding me that the episode "The Search, 
Part II" contained vital clues regarding how Julian perceived Garak. 
Third, Kathryn Ramage for providing the Cardassian perception of 
human sexuality used in this story.  
Fourth, Ainzfern for the notion that Lurian physiology provides 
unique challenges for enterprising tailors. 
Finally, I'm indebted to the Vogon poet at my workplace who created a 
simile that seared my frontal lobe, but at least answered the 
question of what colour to make Cardassian semen. 

Lexicon Alert: The Cardassian Intelligence Bureau is the organization 
that replaced the Obsidian Order during Cardassia's membership in the 
Dominion. Hemipenes literally means half a penis, but before you 
cross your legs in sympathy, gentlemen, it's also the designation for 
the two penises that snakes have. Now, who has penis envy? I was too 
traumatized at the time to record the name of the documentary I saw, 
however further snakey information was gained from "Sexy Origins and 
Intimate Things" by Charles Panati. No snakes were sexually harassed 
during the creation of this story. 

Archiving: ASCEML, GB/FF, and BTLS can do what they will with the 
sated, naked bodies in this story. As for the rest of you, I'm sure I 
wouldn't want to stop you, but please let me know that you still 
respected me in the morning. 

Feedback: Yes please, other than to inform me that you also saw the 
documentary featuring Canadian garter snake orgies, because I'm still 
hoping it was a hallucination. I can be reached avoiding watching any 
more television at elizabeth loves her thesaurus at hotmail .com 
(without the spaces) or on the list. 

Quote that actually has a lot to do with this story, far more than 
will be initially apparent: 
Garak: "I'm glad to see everything's going according to plan."
Jem'Hadar Soldier: "What plan is that?"
Garak: "Didn't anyone tell you? You see, I pretend to be their 
friend ... and then I shoot you."
Sisko: "Well done Garak."
Garak: "Just something I read once in a book."
Bashir: "I'm sure."
"The Search, Part II," Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 

~~~

Julian woke up, and immediately realized that something was wrong. 

"What the–," he muttered, shifting under the sheets.
Moving proved a mistake, although the resulting spasm of pain did 
pinpoint the exact location of his discomfort. 

Turning his head, Julian glared at his lover. "What the hell did
you put inside me?" 

Garak opened his eyes, clearly he'd been awake for a while.
"Nothing you didn't ask for, my dear. As I recall, you were
quite enthusiastic while making the request."

"That's not," he paused to check, but none of Elim's
appendages were so much as touching him. "That's definitely
not what's inside me now!" 

All Julian received in response was a patently false look of 
innocence. Grumbling about smart-ass reptiles first thing in the 
morning, he gingerly climbed out of his bed, and staggered towards 
the refresher. The moment the door slid aside for him, Julian grabbed 
the medical scanner from the top drawer of the cabinet and pointed 
the device at his throbbing behind. 

"Elim Garak!" He shouted through the closed door of the
refresher. 

"Yes, Julian Subatoi Bashir?" The Cardassian replied, still
curled up in bed. 

"Your semen has plugged up my arse!" 

"Rather crudely stated, my dear. I would expect a Doctor to
provide a far more clinical diagnosis."

Julian stared at the scanner's results, at a loss. He could fix
this in a couple of seconds in the Infirmary, but it took even less 
time to reject that option. They'd never let him live it down, 
the Doctor thought in horror, and once his staff knew, everyone on 
the station would know. His skin flushing with embarrassment, 
Julian shouted, "This is all your fault!" To his chagrin, the 
accusation sounded more petulant than furious.

The door slid open to reveal Garak wearing nothing but an expression 
of amusement. "You were the one who insisted that we leave the
wash-up until morning. In fact, you accused me of having a
`cleanliness fetish,'and suggested that I should consult a
Counsellor regarding my aberrant attitude towards bodily fluids." 

Feeling his skin grow even hotter, Julian protested, "You could
have warned me that this would happen!" 

"Oh, I was going to, but then I thought how inappropriate it
would be for me, a mere tailor, to question the judgement of the 
foremost interspecies specialist in the quadrant." 

Grinding his teeth, Julian forced himself to put away the scanner 
instead of throwing it at Garak's smug face. Shutting himself in
the shower cubicle with a bang, he growled, "You know damn well
it's easier to find out who's in charge of the Cardassian 
Intelligence Bureau this week than to dig up a single accurate fact 
about Cardassian sexuality." 

Julian changed the shower's settings from sonics to water, and 
adjusted the temperature to as hot as he could stand it. Activating 
the hand-held shower head, he bent over and directed the spray to the 
afflicted area, grimacing in pain. Although the mass of sperm
wasn't particularly large, when the ejaculate had dried overnight
it had adhered to the tender skin of his anal passage.

"But Doctor," came the cheerful rejoinder, "it was my
understanding that many reptiles from your home planet shared 
similar properties. In evolutionary terms, it's an effective but 
subtle means to ensure that one's genetic material is given
priority by preventing females from mating with another male 
immediately afterwards."

"It doesn't feel bloody subtle at the moment," Julian
hissed. 

"No, I imagine not, but I meant in comparison to mammalian 
territorial practices. Don't think I'm not grateful that you
haven't urinated all over my quarters." 

"Elim, you are a dead man." Julian groaned in frustration,
for the hot water was taking much too long. 

"My dear, that's hardly news to me." Garak joined his
lover in the shower stall, holding a plastic bottle Julian didn't
recognize. Before he could ask, the Cardassian poured a richly 
scented oil over his grey fingers, and sought out the source of 
Julian's distress. "Here," Garak purred, "let me help
you with that." 

Julian moaned, but this time not wholly from discomfort. After 
discarding the container, the Cardassian's other hand began to
stroke an area less in need of soothing, but very appreciative of 
the attention. When Julian shuddered in response, Garak murmured,
"It's the least I can do, under the circumstances."

Julian tried to think of an appropriate riposte, but his blood supply 
was rapidly abandoning his brain. Surrendering, he deactivated the 
shower head, and let it drop to the floor. 

"Now, count to three," Garak instructed. 

"I will not fall for – ah!" Stars flashed in front of
Julian's eyes. "Damn you, Elim, I knew you were going to do
that!" 

"Were you also expecting this?" Garak murmured, his
lubricated fingers now applying pressure to Julian's prostate. 

"No," Julian swallowed, "but I -- oh -- I was
hoping." He reached past his lover and opened the shower door, to 
make the space less enclosed.

Taking advantage of the increased room to manoeuver, the Cardassian 
lowered himself to his knees. "And were you also hoping for
this?" 

"I will get you back." Julian mumbled. 

"I look forward to the attempt." Elim whispered, before
taking his lover into his mouth. 


*** 


Garak, ever punctual, had already set out lunch by the time Julian 
arrived. After Dax had found out about them and shared the gossip 
with her usual verve, they'd given up trying to hide the intimacy
of their relationship from DS9's population. So, instead of the 
Replimat, they now regularly shared meals in the Doctor's
quarters. The increased privacy allowed for far more interesting 
conversations with the secretive Cardassian, and occasionally, 
even more pleasurable activities. Although, Julian grimaced, the 
latter would definitely not be on the menu today. 

"How are you feeling, Doctor?" Garak smiled at him, taking a
seat at the small dining table. 

Julian lowered himself gently onto his chair. "A little
itchy," he confessed, "and feeling more than a little
sympathetic towards Cardassian women."

"I recall you expressing a very different sentiment not so long
ago." 

"That was different." Julian started in on his lunch, and
noticed that while he had been provided with both soup and a pasta 
dish, Garak had only served himself a salad. He debated commenting 
on the Cardassian's lack of appetite again, before concluding
that Elim would only claim to have eaten earlier. "But I still
don't think it's fair that only the female of your species has
orgasms." 

"Fair has very little to do with biological evolution," Garak 
observed. "I realize you're a hopeless idealist, my dear, but
surely as a Doctor you're aware of that fact." 

"Of course I am, but I was speaking as," Julian hesitated,
before finishing lamely, "not as a Doctor." 
					
"Ah, I was mislead by the uniform you're wearing into
thinking otherwise." 

"Are you saying that our evenings together are no more enjoyable
than an annual physical?" Julian teased.

Garak smiled. "Lack of orgasms notwithstanding, I do hope
I've never given you cause to believe that." 

"Of course not." Although he had hoped, Julian reflected as
he chewed his Rigellian pasta, that he'd actually see Elim lose 
control for once. After swallowing, he muttered, "But I still
think you're missing out."
								
As Julian watched his lover consider this statement, he noted that 
the Cardassian was moving his food around to create the impression 
that he was eating more than he was. "It's been my
observation," Garak mused aloud, "that human men are far too 
preoccupied about orgasms to their detriment. It's no wonder that 
the male of your species has earned a reputation as sexual 
philanders and libertines." 

"Mine! May I remind you that Dukat is the renowned libertine in
this system, and the last time I checked, he was thoroughly
Cardassian."

"Should I be jealous?" Garak raised his eye ridges. 

"Don't be disgusting. I administered a blood test when the
Captain rescued the Detepa Council. Fortunately, Dukat was far too 
outraged at the accusation of being a Founder to proposition me."

"Bajoran tendencies for exaggeration notwithstanding, it is
Dukat's ego that is insatiable not his erotic appetite. Sexual 
conquests are merely one of several means by which he feeds his 
narcissism, as his recent coup on Cardassia amply demonstrates." 

"Maybe," Julian conceded, when another itch from his backside 
reminded him of his original point. "At any rate, I'm not
sure that even orgasms can make up for what I endured this
morning." 
		
"Using a barrier device or washing immediately afterwards usually 
prevents such difficulties." Ignoring Julian's glare, Garak
took a sip of his tea before he continued. "Certainly, more 
traditional women eschew such methods, but then, their bodies will 
naturally discharge the sperm plug within a few hours, with nowhere 
near the same discomfort you experienced." 

The medical practitioner within Julian was fascinated, but the rest 
of him was feeling far more apprehensive than intrigued. "And is 
there anything else I should be warned about before our next hop in 
the sack?" 

Garak puzzled out the idiom for a few moments before commenting,
"I would prefer to forgo the sack, if you don't mind. But rest
assured, my dear, I doubt that this poor, old body of mine holds 
any more secrets from an enterprising, young Doctor such as yourself. 
Now Lurians, on the other hand, their physiology is a never ending 
challenge, especially for a tailor." 

Julian released a long-suffering sigh, for Elim's denial
guaranteed that the Cardassian's far from poor or old body still 
harboured further surprises. Although, Julian reflected, even this
morning's adventure did not measure up to the first time he saw
his lover completely naked. Half-listening to Garak's chatter
about his latest fitting session with Morn, Julian's enhanced
memory
returned him to the moment when only his profound shock had 
prevented him from blurting out, "Where is it?!" 

Frozen, Julian stared at the Cardassian's pubic area, for there
was no penis in sight, only two parallel, vertical slits. Smiling 
enigmatically at the astonished human, Elim sat back on the bed 
and began to caress the ridged lips of the openings until they 
spread apart, revealing what looked like two dark grey pockets. 

Now convinced that "Mr." was just one more of Garak's
elaborate lies, Julian could only gape when these pockets turned 
inside out and expanded, forming adjacent penises. As they grew, 
their colour deepened to a dark purple, and Julian realized that 
what he had initially thought were ridges were in fact multiple 
grooves that ran the length of each penis, all the way to their 
tapered, headless tips. 

Curious, Julian joined Garak on the bed and ran a fingertip along one 
of the channels. Elim shivered, and the purpose of these strange 
decorations revealed themselves as a light purple liquid began to 
trickle along the grooves. Later, he would discover that this was the 
Cardassian's semen, and that instead of being ejaculated all at
once, it would flow continuously as long as the erection was 
stimulated. At the time, he simply enjoyed experimenting with them, 
making each penis produce more of this fluid by stroking both of 
the solid yet pliable erections until they were slick to the touch.

Still, as much as the novelty of the hemipenes appealed to him, 
Julian felt a bit disappointed. For here were not one but two 
naturally lubricated penises, yet their proximity to each other meant 
that neither would be able to enter him. Not one to be easily 
discouraged, however, he pushed these regrets aside, and licked each 
of the hemipenes in turn. Startled but pleased by the sweet taste of 
the semen flowing down the grooves, he took one of the penises into 
his mouth, trying not to bump his nose against its companion. 
Suppressing a giggle along with his gag reflex, he was grateful that 
there were no exterior testicles for him to navigate around. After 
experimenting from a variety of angles, he finally settled on his 
elbows alongside the prone Cardassian, and began to fellate in 
earnest. 

Interpreting Garak's groans as encouragement to continue, Julian 
sucked as hard as he could when the penis suddenly deflated and 
slipped out of his mouth. Terrified that he had just broken it, 
Julian began to stammer, but Elim drew him upward and silenced him 
with enthusiasm. Before the human could catch his breath from the 
kiss, Garak flipped him onto his belly, and the Cardassian's 
remaining erection slid easily inside. 

Instead of thrusting, Elim undulated against him, reminding Julian of 
vids he'd seen of sidewinders rippling across the desert, when he 
could think at all. The sensation of the Cardassian's lubricated 
penis gently brushing against his prostate was maddening, and Julian 
was sobbing by the time the second penis finally deflated. 
Immediately afterwards, Garak dragged him into the shower, cleaned 
him inside and out, and then sucked him off until he screamed. 

A stab of severe itchiness brought Julian fully back to the present, 
reminding him of the morning's lesson on the necessity of that 
shower. Squirming against his seat, Julian could only hope that 
whatever surprises his sexy sidewinder was still concealing, they 
would be as pleasant as those he'd uncovered their first night 
together. 

Noticing his discomfort, Garak broke off from his complaints 
regarding the tailoring challenges posed by Morn's ample 
buttocks. "You can request more of the oil I used this morning
from your replicator. I'll give you the requisition code, if
you're not too embarrassed to use a Cardassian feminine hygiene 
product."

"You bastard, you're enjoying this." Julian grumbled,
then winced when he realized what he'd just inadvertently called 
Garak. "I'm sorry, Elim, that's not what I meant to
say." 

The Cardassian ignored him, toying with his salad. 

"It's just that -- it's a very common insult for humans,
it doesn't mean anything." 

"So you've explained before," Garak replied, his manner
deceptively mild. "I suppose it's a good thing that
`genetic freak' is not a common insult in *kardasi.*" 

"I said I was sorry." Julian hissed, stung by the comment. 

"I heard you the first time, but I've often wondered why your
culture places so much emphasis on such expressions of regret. 
It's not as if they can undo any of the harm done." 

"And I've often wondered why your culture places so much
emphasis on not forgiving people who make mistakes."

Garak ignored Julian's retort. "Apologies and forgiveness,
they're really two sides of the same Federation coin, aren't
they? Consider this scenario, Doctor, what if Dukat apologized to 
Major Kira for the Occupation of Bajor?" He leaned forward, his
eyes glittering with an unidentifiable emotion. "I don't mean
his
usual posturing, but what if he sincerely expressed regret for all of 
the acts he carried out against her people during his tenure as 
Prefect. Do you really think that would make a difference to
her?" 

"It might,"Julian ground out. 					
	
"Oh Doctor, you really are much better at lies of omission than 
commission." 

Provoked more by the patronizing tone of voice than the observation 
itself, Julian snarled, "And you're really much better at
attacking than listening, aren't you?" 

With a suddenness that left Bashir dizzy, the Cardassian backed 
down. "You're quite right, the unpleasant turn of this
conversation is completely my fault." Garak stood, removing his 
napkin. "I think it would be best if I went back to my shop
now." 

"That's not what I meant!" Julian protested. 

"Perhaps not, but as I've already demonstrated, I'm not
in a fit state for company today." 

Watching him leave, Julian resisted the temptation to pound his 
forehead against the table. Garak's evasiveness had always been 
frustrating, but now that they had no secrets left from each other, 
his continued prevarications were infuriating. After Elim revealed 
his past with Tain, and his own genetic enhancements became open 
knowledge, Julian had really believed that the walls between them had 
come down at last. He certainly would never have risked becoming 
Garak's lover if he'd thought otherwise. 

Julian undulated in his seat, trying to make himself more 
comfortable, before giving up in disgust. Abandoning his own 
unfinished lunch along with Garak's, he headed back to the
Infirmary. He was going to help himself to a hypo, and he no longer 
cared who saw him or what conclusions they drew.  


***


For two hours, Julian tried to focus on his long neglected prion 
research, but his attention kept drifting back to Garak. Just as he 
started to make some progress dissecting protein particles instead of 
temperamental Cardassians, he was interrupted by Jake and Nog trying 
to wheedle him out of supplies for some absurd project of theirs. 
After they left, Julian surrendered to the inevitable, and instructed 
Nurse Jabara to comm him if there was an emergency before marching 
over to the tailor's shop. 

As the door slid shut behind him, a quick survey of the interior 
assured him that the only other occupant was the Cardassian seated 
behind the counter. "So, do you want to talk about it?" 

Garak did not glance up from the padd he was reading. "I've
already indicated that I was in the wrong, so there's nothing
more to say." 

"I'm not talking about lunch today," Julian persisted.
"I'm talking about your moodiness lately. Something's
eating at you and I want to know what it is." 

"I'm sure I don't know --." 

"Don't give me that line!" Julian interrupted him
sharply. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. One moment
you're fine and the next you're either snapping my head off
or shutting me out. You hardly sleep, you're barely eating, and 
you expect me not to notice? Evade all you want with Ziyal, but 
not with me." 

Finally, the Cardassian raised his eyes, but they revealed 
nothing. "Why should you be any different?" 

"Well, for one thing, Elim, we're lovers." Julian
countered, his tone acidic. "So, unless you've suddenly
changed sexual orientations on me, you're not that close to 
Ziyal." 

"My dear Doctor, Obsidian Order agents can hardly afford the
luxury of a sexual orientation." 

Julian was momentarily stunned by this outrageous assertion, until he 
recognized that Garak had returned to playing the same mind games he 
had used when they first met. All they had been through together, he 
suddenly realized, their years of friendship, the Dominion Internment 
Camp, their sexual involvement, none of it meant a thing to the 
Cardassian. Furious, Julian struck back. "You're not Obsidian
Order anymore, Garak! There is no Obsidian Order anymore in case you 
haven't noticed!" 

Garak's eyes narrowed, no longer unreadable. "But of course,
I've been much too busy hemming pants and answering the beck and 
call of the Federation to notice what's become of my home." 

Even though the Cardassian had barely raised his voice, his scorn 
reverberated like a shout in Julian's ears. Everything was
spiralling out of control so quickly that he had no idea what to do. 
Garak returned his attention to the padd before him, but not before 
making the biting observation. "If your intelligence was truly
genetically enhanced, Doctor, you would realize that now is the 
appropriate time for you to leave." 

"And maybe if you weren't so emotionally stunted, you would
know that it's not!" 

Garak's grip on the padd tightened, his knuckles turning white.
"I suggest that you change your mind about leaving, before I do 
something we'll both regret." 

Trembling with anger, Julian retreated, but not before getting in the 
last word. "I already have plenty of regrets when it comes to
you!" 

As the door shut behind him, his enhanced hearing picked up the sound 
of the padd breaking against a hard surface. Storming back into the 
Infirmary, he locked himself into his office, and only just barely 
resisted the temptation to smash a few things himself. Fortunately, 
no one dared disturbed him, and by the time he returned to his 
quarters late that night, an old friend was waiting for him. 

"Old chum," Julian murmured as he hugged him, "I
can't tell you how much I've missed you."

There was no reply, but he was willing to forgive Kukalaka for being 
the strong but silent type.

***

The following day at lunchtime, Miles O'Brien entered the
Infirmary, and spotted the Doctor hunched over a data screen.
"Hey, Julian."

"Dislocate your shoulder again?" He responded, without
looking up. 

"No," Miles bristled. "I don't do that every time I
go kayaking, you know." 

"No need to get defensive." Julian sat up and turned his full 
attention to his friend. "How can I help you, Miles?" 

"Just thought I'd pick up some more of that prescription for
Keiko." 

"Sure, it'll just take a minute." Stepping into the
dispensary, he asked, "So, it's helping then?" 

"Loads." 

A minute later, Julian returned, and handed a small bottle to 
Miles. "Here you go. But tell her I want to see her before
I'll dispense anymore. It's important to keep monitoring for
side effects." 

"I'll tell her." However, he made no move to leave. 

"Something's on your mind," Julian prompted. 

"Yeah," but instead of volunteering what it was, Miles stared
at the floor as if it was a temporal physics paradox.  

Julian frowned. "If it's about my genetic enhancements
--." 

"No, no," the Engineer hastened to assure him. "Although,
we still need to come up with a better handicap for darts." 

"I could wear a blindfold." 

"Smart ass." 

"A burden I have to bear," Julian conceded with a smirk.
"So, are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or would
you prefer to come up with excuses to come by the Infirmary all 
afternoon?" 

"All right, all right, no need to get pushy." He glanced
around, before asking in a low voice, "Is Garak okay?" 

Julian burst out with a laugh. 

"What?" Miles demanded. 

"You, all hush-hush lest anyone overhear you actually caring
--." 

"Enough, Julian, I get plenty of that from Keiko." Miles took
a deep breath. "I just asked 'cause he didn't open his
shop again today, and I thought what with the hearing coming up 
there might--." 

"The hearing," Julian interrupted. "About Empok Nor." 

"Yeah, God, I hate those things. Bad enough you've got to go
through it in the first place, then you have relive the whole sorry 
mess for the brass. Nog's completely cracked under the pressure. 
First, he's coming by every second hour to check his testimony
with me, and then yesterday he's going on about what I'd
rather be doing and volunteering to re-calibrate EPS regulators 
for me." Miles shook his head. "You sure you don't have a 
prescription that could help Nog?" 

"I'm afraid there is no cure but time for enthusiastic cadet 
syndrome." Julian feigned a smile.

"You're probably right. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure
Garak's doin'-- I mean, I told him there wouldn't be
anything to worry about, that it wasn't his fault, but he 
seemed . . . ." Miles' voice trailed off, and he shrugged 
helplessly. 

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean."

"Well, that's it, then," Miles turned to go. 

The Engineer was so clearly relieved that his self-appointed mission 
was over, that Julian couldn't resist baiting him. "I'll
let Garak know you care." 

"Julian Bashir, you'll do no such thing!"

"I'm kidding, Miles." This time his smile was genuine. 

"Well, you better be, or by God I'll set the sonics in your
shower to stun."

Julian placed a hand over his heart. "I promise not to invoke the 
wrath of the almighty Engineer." 

"See that you don't." Miles left, and the Doctor's
hand fell to his side. 

Despite his genetically enhanced intelligence, Julian reproached 
himself, he could be so obtuse sometimes. His perfect recall had 
never forgotten the date of the hearing, but he'd never made the 
connection between its advent and Elim's degenerating mood. Then 
again, Julian mused, maybe it wasn't so surprising considering
the fallout from Dr. Zimmerman's visit and the impending war
between the Federation and the Dominion.

Sinking into his chair, Julian consoled himself with the knowledge 
that now that he understood what was bothering Elim, he had a much 
better chance of helping the Cardassian. Nevertheless, a far easier 
course of action beckoned to him: doing nothing at all. Considering 
all of the obstacles between them as lovers, it was tempting to just 
let his relationship with Garak end. 

Furthermore, Julian mused darkly, it was what he'd always done 
before. With Palis, Leeta, and countless others, he'd always cut
and run at the first sign of trouble. Why solve a problem, when it 
was so much simpler to abandon the relationship. 

Despite all his vows to the contrary, Julian thought bitterly,
he'd become his father. While Richard Bashir was not the serial 
monogamist his son had become, everything else in his father's
life followed the same pattern. Problem with a job, get a new 
one; problem on a planet, move to another one; problem with a son, 
buy an improved one.  

Shoulders slumped, Julian acknowledged that if he didn't want to
be his father, then the easy way out was no longer an option.


***


After his shift was over, Julian forced himself to take the time to 
eat dinner and change out of his uniform before confronting Garak. He 
walked at a sedate pace to Habitat Level H-3, and pressed the chime 
for Chamber 901 instead of using his override code. Julian then made 
himself wait, counting to thirty in *kardasi* before pushing the 
summons again. After the third time, he gave up the pretence of being 
patient and pounded on the door. "Come on, Elim, I know
you're in there!" 

The door slid open, but Garak was blocking the entrance, his 
expression closed off. "When a Cardassian doesn't respond to
a door chime, it means he doesn't want any visitors."

"Then why'd you answer the door?" Julian challenged. 

"Because I knew a locked door wouldn't be sufficient to deter
you." 

Julian couldn't let the irony of that statement pass. "Has it
ever stopped you?" 

With a ghost of a smile, Garak stepped aside and allowed him to 
enter. "I shouldn't let you in," the Cardassian murmured.
"I'm really not in the mood tonight." 

"I know," Julian acknowledged. "That's why I'm
here." 

Garak resumed his defensive posture by the door, his tone 
biting. "I'm not in the mood for discussing my emotional
well-being either." 

"I'm afraid you no longer have a choice." Julian planted
himself on Garak's couch. "This is tearing you to pieces, and
you need to talk about it." 

"This?" 

"Empok Nor." 

Garak sighed, and abandoned the doorway. Nonetheless, he remained 
standing instead of joining Julian on the couch. "I've
changed my mind, let's have sex."

Julian smiled. "Despite the temptation of not having any more of
my sheets stained with purple ejaculate, I'm going to
decline." 

Garak looked momentarily perplexed, before chiding, "Mauve, my
dear Doctor, not purple. You really are hopeless when it comes to 
aesthetics." 

"Be that as it may, I do know something about what you're
going through now." 

"Do you." The Cardassian's eyes were like ice. "Then
there's no need to discuss it, is there?" 

"I'm not here to interrogate you, Garak!" Julian leaned
forward, his hands becoming fists. "I'm here because you need 
someone to open up to." 

"And what makes you think you're that person?" 

Elim was no longer bantering, but Julian refused to be cowed by the 
Cardassian's hostility. "Because you trust me." 

"No, I don't." Garak turned his head away before adding,
"Don't take it personally, Doctor. The fact is I don't
trust anyone. " 

"Bullshit!" Julian shouted, his ferocity taking them both by 
surprise. 

"Bull--?"

"Bull shit! As in shit, as in crap, as in whatever fancy
*kardasi* term you have for a big, steaming pile of bull shit!" 
The force of Julian's anger propelled him off the couch, forcing 
Garak to retreat. "You expect me to believe that you didn't
trust me when you lay dying on that bio-bed and asked me to 
forgive you? That you didn't trust me when you allowed me to 
witness your father's death? Or when you fell asleep beside me on 
our first night together, and every night we've shared a bed
since?" He stabbed an index finger towards the Cardassian's 
chest. "You trust me, Elim Garak, so start acting like it, and
tell me what's wrong!" 

Only as Julian paused for breath, did he notice Garak's rigid
stance. With his head tucked down and his shoulders hunched, Elim 
looked like a child bracing himself for punishment. Stricken, Julian 
sank down onto the couch. Pushing back memories of too many shouting 
matches with his father, he took several deep, cleansing breaths 
before extending his left hand. "Elim, come here." 

With obvious reluctance Garak closed the distance between them, his 
gaze still averted. Julian took his hand. "Please, sit beside
me." When the Cardassian didn't move, he very gently pulled
him onto the couch. 

"Elim, please look at me." He waited a minute, and then, not
letting go of his lover's hand, Julian reached over with his
right one and began stroking his lover's facial ridges. He traced
around the Cardassian's eyes, along his ears and finally slipped 
his fingers under the ridged chin. "It's important that you
look at me," he encouraged, as he lifted Garak's chin until
their eyes met. 

Julian kept his expression devoid of compassion, knowing that it 
would only be mistaken for pity. Silently, he railed against whoever 
had decided to raise all Cardassians to believe that vulnerability 
was a fatal weakness, and then cursed each person in Garak's life 
that had driven that lesson home. Aloud, he reassured, "It's
alright to let yourself trust me, Elim. You need to, I need you to, 
because if you don't, we're not going to last." 

"Because you'll leave me if I refuse to talk to you." 

The cold control of Garak's statement twisted Julian's
insides. "No, we won't last because you'll drive me away,
and anyone else who cares about you. And I don't want that to
happen." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Elim."

For several minutes they simply held hands in silence, then Garak 
surrendered. "Ask and I will answer as best I can." 

Julian was about to protest again, when it occurred to him that he 
was the one who was uncomfortable with the interrogation framework, 
not Elim. Steading himself, Julian accepted the role he was 
offered. "Is Amaro's death still bothering you?" 

Garak made a strangled noise that almost resembled a laugh.
"No." There was a slight hesitation before he added, "I
do regret what I did, but it's hardly the first time I've
committed murder." 

"It wasn't you," Julian objected.     

"Sophistry, Doctor. No one else plunged that flux coupler into
his body."

"It was the psychotropic drug that --." 

Garak cut him off sharply. "For once, I am taking responsibility
for my actions as you Federation types always harp on about. So, I 
would appreciate it if you allowed me to do so." 

"Alright." Julian admonished himself that it was important to
keep Garak talking, later they could deal with his misconceptions. 

"I understand your point of view, and am still astonished that
Chief O'Brien shares it." Garak stared at their clasped hands
for a couple of moments before speaking again. "However, the fact
that I was under the influence as you would say, in no way 
mitigates the loss to Amaro's family." 

Remembering their recent lunch-time conversation, Julian 
ventured, "And you don't believe that apologies can undo any
of the harm done."
  
"Cardassians do not believe in apologies without recompense."
His grip on Julian's hand tightened.

When Garak didn't volunteer anymore, Julian risked asking,
"Are you concerned about the outcome of the hearing?"

Again, that terrible sound that was not quite a laugh. "The irony
is that this time I've done something I should be punished for,
but I won't be. No, I'm much too valuable to the Federation now
for them to lock me into another box for six months. What's the 
life of a lone security officer compared to having their very own 
domesticated Cardassian?" 

The bitterness in Garak's voice was not shocking, but his
revelation was. "You're working for the Federation now?" 

"Please Doctor, could you imagine me in one of those unflattering 
uniforms?" 

"I certainly can't imagine you taking the oath to uphold and
defend the constitution of the United Federation of Planets." 

"Nothing so dramatic as that, certainly." The grip on
Julian's hand was now painful, but he didn't flinch. "It
was simply pointed out to me during the debriefing regarding 
our time in the Dominion Internment Camp that the Federation and
I now had a common foe."

"Starfleet Security's not like the Obsidian Order, Elim.
I'm sure that if you refused--." 

"I wouldn't suddenly find myself unwelcome on DS9? I
wouldn't be handed over to Dukat and the Dominion's gentle
care?" Garak smirked. "Please spare me the speech on how a 
Starfleet Admiral would never suggest such misfortunes might 
befall me should I prove less than cooperative."

"I had no idea." Julian felt sickened that a high-ranking
Starfleet officer would stoop to such tactics.

"Don't look so stricken, my dear." Garak released
Julian's hand, and gave it a gentle pat. "I found your
Admiral Ross refreshingly pragmatic, and I'm quite certain he 
feels more secure thinking that my cooperation was gained through 
intimidation."

"You expect me to believe that you want to help the
Federation?"

Garak smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I admit that the
thought of detailing the internal workings of Central Command and 
decoding Cardassian transmissions for Starfleet Security is not 
entirely appealing." He leaned back on the couch, and sighed.
"But your Admiral was right, we do share a common foe: the 
Founders." Garak's tone became contemptuous. "Dukat
thinks he's using the Dominion as his own personal riding hound 
to glory, but he's a fool. The moment the Founders' no longer 
need my home as their foothold in the Alpha Quadrant, all of 
Cardassia will be condemned for Tain's attack against them."

Julian shifted so that he was facing Garak. "Thank you,
Elim." The Cardassian appeared mystified, so he explained,
"For telling me what was troubling you." 

Garak met his eyes, and Julian was pleased to see some of the old 
sparkle had returned to them. "Don't take this the wrong way,
Doctor, but you'd make a decent interrogator." 

"Is there a right way to take that?" He retorted in mock
offense.  

"Perhaps not." Garak conceded. 

Julian began to caress his lover's neck ridges. "I know
you're not entirely happy with the situation, but I'm glad we
are on the same side for once."  
	
"Well, it could be much worse," Garak observed, pulling
Julian in closer. "I could be helping the Klingons." 

Julian straddled the Cardassian's lap. "I better not catch
you helping Worf. I am the jealous type, you know."

Garak grimaced. "I am going to make you pay for creating that 
disgusting image." 

"I look forward to the attempt." Julian murmured, before
silencing Elim with a kiss.  


***


Propped up beside the prone Cardassian, Julian watched while
Garak's left hemipenes was slowly drawn back into his body. The 
process still fascinated him, and every so often he'd reach over
to touch the ridged slit or the deflated penis only to have his hand 
lazily slapped away by Elim. 

In the back of his mind, though, Julian was troubled by what Garak 
had told him, and wished he could offer more than emotional support 
to his stressed lover. As he began to trace the less sensitive 
ridges on Garak's belly, he was struck by an idea, and smiled 
enigmatically at Elim. "You did help the Federation destroy the 
Dominion threat once before, you know."

Instead of being intrigued, Garak became concerned. "My dear, you 
haven't been sampling Quark's half-priced menu again?" 

"I'm not hallucinating," Julian grumbled, before 
reconsidering.  "Although I suppose I am referring to a 
hallucination." 

Garak placed a palm against the Doctor's cheek, but this time his 
hand was smacked aside. "I don't have a fever, Elim, just
listen to me. Remember when the Defiant first made contact with 
the Founders, when we first discovered who they were?" 

"I remember you eventually telling me that you were all subjected
to some sort of virtual reality to test the Federation's 
willingness to go to war. As I recall, you refused to provide any 
details, but fortunately I had already read Starfleet's
confidential report on the incident." 

"I can never tell when you're being serious," Julian
complained. 

"It's part of my charm, but please do continue." 

Julian rolled his eyes and sat up. Turning his attention inward, he 
accessed the false memories implanted by the Vortas, and described 
the unexpected role the Cardassian had played in the Dominion's 
experiment. It was only after he'd finished, that he noticed
Garak was frowning at him. 

"I never thought you had such a morbid imagination, my dear." 

"I wasn't the one who thought it up," Julian protested.
"It was the Founders, or maybe the Vorta who created the
scenario." 

"But they used your thoughts to construct my rather melodramatic 
death scene."

"You did die, Garak, but only after you had rescued all of us
from the Jem'Hadar. Doesn't that count for something?" 

"Perhaps, but it seems like small compensation for me."

Frustrated that Elim was deliberately missing the point of his 
narrative, Julian glared at him. "Alright, I was probably
responsible for your claim that you were only using a tactic
you'd read in a book, but you have to admit that sounds like 
something you'd say. However, I was very upset when they killed
you, so maybe it was Sisko who wanted you dead."   

"What an inappropriate thing to say about your commanding
officer, my dear. Starfleet really doesn't instill their officers 
with the proper respect for the chain of command." 

Julian tweaked one of the ridges on the Cardassian's chest.
"Coming from someone who has tried to kill Dukat on more than one 
occasion, I find that observation rather hypocritical." 

"His recent pretensions to the contrary, Dukat has never been my 
superior officer." Garak drew Julian down beside him, and began
to stroke his naked flank. "Moreover, if something is worth doing,
it is worth doing well. Certainly, I have threatened him from time 
to time, but given the opportunity and means, I would not attempt 
to kill Dukat, I would accomplish the task." 

"And you accuse me of having a morbid imagination." 

"For a Federation Doctor, my dear, I wasn't comparing you to 
Cardassians." 

"That's a relief." Julian leaned over and gently nipped
Elim's neck ridge. 

However, instead of responding as expected, Garak sat up, 
dislodging his lover. "Still, to have me make such
a novice's error, leaving myself open to being shot like that,
really demonstrates how little you or Sisko respects my 
professionalism." Before Julian could respond to this 
accusation, Garak added in a remote voice, "Although I can hardly 
blame either of you, considering my recent performance on Empok 
Nor. It would appear that living on this station has dulled my 
wits." 

"Don't." 

The firmness of the command startled Garak. "What?" 

"Don't attack yourself like that. I was in that Dominion
prison with *him* long enough to recognize his voice." Julian 
pulled his lover back down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around 
him. "You weren't like that at all in the scenario they
created. Oh, you were as cynical as always, but you were also 
vibrant, brilliant, and ultimately you saved the day." Julian 
kissed the ridge on his jaw. "Come to think of it, you were a
hero, actually." 

"Julian," Garak chided, "you more than most know what
I've been. How can you possibly believe such a fantasy?" 

"There's more to you than what you once were, Elim." He
smiled, and predicted with absolute confidence, "I think
you're going to surprise yourself some day." 

For a long time Garak was silent, before he sighed. "My dear,
just because I trust you, doesn't mean you should trust me." 

"Humans have this peculiar belief that you cannot have love
without trust." 

"Why am I not surprised?" He pulled Julian into a fierce hug,
and whispered in his ear, "But you may have a point." 

Julian chuckled, pulling out of the embrace. "I love you too, Elim. 
Purple -- sorry *mauve* -- ejaculate, sperm plugs and all." 

An evil smile formed on his lover's face. "Yes, I had noticed
you'd decided to forgo the shower again." 

"Bloody hell!" Julian leapt out of the bed and was halfway to
the refresher before he reconsidered and returned to the bedside. 
After bestowing an intense kiss, he asked, "Care to join me, my
sexy sidewinder?" 

"I believe I could be persuaded." Then he added with a wicked
glint in his eyes, "But only if you guarantee my personal safety 
first. I'd hate to find myself caught up in some kind of heroic 
yet fatal situation." 

Julian grinned. "Trust me." 


- end -