It was late and his arms were empty, he knew something was wrong. Julian always slept curled up to him throughout the night, and when that warmth was gone, he woke, like he did now, except, by the coolness of the sheets next to him, he did not wake as quickly as he should have, that alone told him something was not right. He called for lights and let his eyes adjust and even by scanning the room, his gut clenched, confirming that he was right, yet he could not quiet place just what it was. He got out of bed and placed on his robe and moved to the living room, it too was empty and no pad left by Julian indicating where he was. "Computer, location of Doctor Bashir?" the standard voice replied. Garak swiftly moved back to the bedroom door and sure enough there was his com badge on the nightstand. He turned in a small circle, letting his brain pick up what his eyes could not and thought about what was not right with this picture and slowly it came to him...things were missing! His eyes were drawn to the spot on the shelf where Kukalaka would sit, in its place was another knick-knack, having been placed there to sway him from noticing the bear's loss. Then he turned to the sofa, the afghan that he made for Julian a few years ago, was no longer on the sofa where Julian always insisted it be, and the place suddenly had a sterile feeling to it. He moved to the closet and noticed his uniforms and a lot of clothes, yet...the shirts and pants he had given Julian were gone...Julian was gone! Why was all he could thing about, for it made no sense! //Why would he leave? If he didn't want to marry me...?// he shook his head, that didn't make sense, especially after the way they made love and it was love. No, something else was wrong and the only way to find out was to find Julian. //If he left his com badge, he's leaving without Starfleet approval too, thus I can't call Odo or they'll place him on charges of going AWOL. //It's late, and he couldn't have left that long ago and there are not that may ways off this station...?// Garak moved to the computer console and hacked it with his skilled professionalism and after a lot of effort was able to notice a glitch in one of the docking bay doors that lead to one of the smaller runabouts that O'Brien had just finished repairs on this afternoon, so they would not be assigned to use till the next day...thus it was available for the taking. He couldn't understand why Julian was running, but he was and he didn't have time. He quickly keyed in a few power linkage problems that would helpfully slow Julian down till he got there, for if they were going on a trip, he would like to be dressed. //If he wants to run, fine, but to know why, I'm going to have to go with him,// was his current thoughts as his console indicated the power failures. He tossed on his clothes and dashed to the docking ring, his brain buzzing not only with concern as to what could make Julian run, but suddenly how the young man had gotten so far so fast and not alert security. //Julian never appeared to be capable of such things?// he mused, but there were pieces of the puzzle missing, this much he was sure of as he dashed around the last corner to see much to his surprise the power jolting back up; he had to hurry! *********** Julian fixed the last of the circuit override, frustrated that such glitches occurred at such a moment as this. He had ran a quick scan, security was not alerted to his presence nor Ops, so he was relatively sure he was not detected as he finalized his preparations for departure, when the sound of the hatch door sliding open caught his attention. He whirled around, phaser set to heavy stun in his hand, catching the person off guard, but it was he that was off guard, when he saw who it was, "Elim?" //I was sure I gave him enough to keep him out till the afternoon!// Seeing Julian react with such precision, his eyes narrowed and focused as he pointed the phaser at him, startled Garak, for he had never seen Julian like this before, however seeing the startled look in those dark eyes, recalled his own senses and the reason he was here. "Julian, what's going on? Why are you stealing a shuttle?" he asked as easily as he could, seeing the phaser set for heavy stun still steadily pointed at him. Seeing the shift in Garak's eyes, reminded Julian that he was still holding the phaser on him, and he placed it away. "You shouldn't be here, Elim. Just go back to the cabin and just go along with whatever they ask you...we made love, you woke up, I was gone, end of story," he said firmly. "Well, as nice as that sounds, my dear Julian, it is `not' the end of story, as you put it. Why are you doing this, if you didn't want to marry me...?" "Stars, Elim! You don't know what I would give for that to be possible," Julian snapped, some pain reflecting in his dark eyes. "But its not...now go. Please, before you ruin everything," he stated, his voice slightly breaking toward the end; not able to draw on the coldness he could with so many...not with Garak. The pain in Julian's eyes was unmistakable, but he didn't understand in the slightest. "Jahkim..." "Don't call me that," Julian snapped, hoping to draw some anger to make this easier. "Julian," Garak restated, "I don't know what is going on, so, unless you are planning on using that phaser on me, I have no intentions of leaving here. If you want to take this shuttle, so be it," he said as he took a seat, "but I will not turn my back on you in what is obviously your time of need." //Damn, damn, and double damn that man!// Julian raged inside. Garak's willingness to forgo everything to be here only served to make him love him more...and Elim was right, he no more could use the phaser on him than he could stop loving him. He closed his eyes and resided that this was going to end badly, //so be it,// he thought and could feel his soul crack at that though. He moved to close and secure the hatch and then sat in the pilot's chair and launched the shuttle, knowing that Ops was totally blind to his actions, he had seen to it. He also knew now that it was Garak that caused the glitches...//on some level you wanted him to find you,// he mused, //Fool!// he chided himself as he guided the tiny shuttle away from the docking port and away from the station far enough and engaged warp along with a few other maneuvers that would totally mask his direction so no one could follow him when they noticed he was gone. It was suppose to look like a kidnapping. Garak would wake up find him gone, find his badge still on the nightstand, contact Odo, who would find the transporter logs...after some work, proving that another person from another room beamed Bashir out of the living room. They would, with some time, discover the room and evidence of another person...someone they would not be able to identify, and in the end conclude that it was indeed a kidnapping. Sure, Garak would notice things missing, but with the overwhelming evidence, they would not believe him and Garak, though determined, would still begin to second guess himself...that is till they found the remains of this shuttle and just enough DNA of the so called kidnaper and Julian to believe both had died. Sadly O'Brien would feel bad, somehow believing he didn't fix the shuttle right, but it was the best Julian could do on such short notice. He was convinced that once the Council heard from Sloan, they would have him watched, more so than he had always been, and then he'd never be able to get away. //But you had to somehow screw it up, didn't you,// he growled at himself, for it was the only way Garak could have woken earlier than planned; subconsciously he didn't give him enough to keep him passed out long enough. //Well, you got your wish...deal with it.// *********** It took them two hours to get to where ever it was Julian had been heading, and not one word was spoken by the young man during all that time, no matter how much Garak persisted. Finally he quieted up and waited to see what was going on, hoping that perhaps then he would come to understand all this. He sat by the sensors and noticed that the place they were landing was a tiny little atmospheric asteroid that didn't even register on any of Starfleet's maps. The place was barren except for a few caves and craters, where Julian landed in one that also had a cave. Once the shuttle was fully landed, Julian shut off all the systems and turned to him, his eyes more guarded then he had ever seen them. "Okay, you wanted to talk, let's talk...but there is one rule and one rule only...totally uninhibited truth. If you can't do this, say so now, and we can forget taking what will surely be a very painful path for us both," he stated evenly, almost coldly. Elim Garak looked at Julian and at first wondered what was wrong, but as he continued to look at him, he started to feel that if they were ever going to reach any point beyond this moment, as Julian put it, total and brutal truth was needed. He also got the feeling he was in for his own wake up call, though he didn't understand why he felt that way. "Very well, Doctor, I agree." Julian gave a curt nod, "Let's start there. I am `not' a doctor. Yes, I have been trained to be one, I've been trained to be many things over the years...just like you, Elim, just like you." It was more than the words, but the tone that stung his mind, hearing that Julian was not what he appeared to be. //Just like me?// he couldn't fathom this part, "What do you mean, just like me?" "Come now, Elim we said truth that goes in giving it and accepting it," he grounded out, his arms folded over his chest, his body language screaming enclosed. It was a difficult thought to process much less accept, "You're a...a..." he found he couldn't even say it, it was too absurd! "A spy, Garak. An agent, a plant...just like you. Except where you work for the Order...and yes, I know you do," he added, feeling it better to keep Garak off balance, it made this easier somehow, "I work for Section 31...I'm sure you've heard of it," he stated sardonically. "31!" Now this was far from believable! Section 31 was known to be just as manipulative and ruthless as the Obsidian Order and their agents carried the same reputation, the Julian Bashir he knew... It was then that so many pieces fell into place and the truth crashed down around him like heavy rain...he didn't really know Julian Bashir, yet...yet? He looked at the young man before him with new eyes and insight, a spark of hope flickered in his heart. "Why are you telling me all this?" he asked in a hush voice, daring to hope that he once more did not see things all wrong. Julian saw the many expressions cross the Cardassian's face, but it was his eyes that clearly showed his understanding that he had been tricked all this time and yet...when he finally turned to look `at him' they shifted to one of wonder and hope? Garak's question was a good one, for typically any agent would have killed the other, Order or 31...but yet here they were...talking. With a heavy sigh, Julian was bound by his own rule to answer this question. "Because I'm an old fool that is far too tired of this cloak and dagger shit. Because..." this was going to hurt, and he knew it, "I fell in love with my target and could no longer string him along, even if it meant having everything I ever wanted...it would still be a lie..." he had to take a deep breath, he would not cry, he was made of better stuff that that. "I do not want a life of lies anymore, Elim. I'm tried of them. When you say you love me, it thrills me and hurts me at the same time and in all truth...I can't take it anymore. 31 wants me to marry you, Elim. They want me to be by your side as you move up the ladder of power, and yes...you were going to move up, the hit list already preset to make sure of it...but..." "But they are no longer your priority," Garak finished for him. Hearing some of his own words back filled him with joy and anger, but he also knew he could not pass judgment. "So, you knew from the beginning who I was and what I was up too?" "Yes. I also passed along information that we wanted you to have, and via your method of half truths, were able to obtain information of our own. A part of me wants to say sorry...but I won't. I won't apologize for doing my duty and I don't want one from you for doing yours," he stated firmly, thought his eyes had softened somewhat as he continued to look at Garak. "I wasn't going to," Elim replied evenly. "However, since we've agreed to total truth, you should know that I was no longer working fully for the Order toward the end." Julian shifted up in his seat, surprise in his eyes, "You weren't?" "No," Elim replied, confident now that he could speak his heart. "I worked for you, Julian. Like you, I too fell in love and I wanted that more than anything the Order had to offer. But like you, they wanted our marriage and I agonized over it, simply for I no longer wanted to use you like that..." he chuckled half heartedly "Not knowing..." "You were being used to," Julian finished for him. "Hmm, some couple we made, huh?" Silence filled the cabin as both men pondered what had been said between them; it was Garak that broke it first. "I am sorry my loving you hurt," he stated as evenly as his worn heart could manage, for he did love Julian and he like the young man didn't want this to continue, yet where he was willing to continue the lie, Julian was not, and somehow that hurt more than the truth of it all. "Elim...how can you love `me', you don't even know me?" Julian replied in a hushed voice of his own. "That's what hurt me, Garak. That you were totally in love with a façade...a made up character...not me...not...me." He voice cracked at the end, and he turned away, no longer able to hold back the pain he was feeling. "Was it?" Garak asked his voice more knowing, than he felt. "So, okay, you're not the naïve healer that I first met, but it was still you that drew me in, unless you faked `all' your reactions. I love your heart, your quick wit that you kept mostly to yourself, your deep insights to things; another aspect I noticed you didn't share...were they fake?" Julian looked back to Garak his eyes showing his mind in thought, wondering the same things. "I...I don't...know," he finally replied. "I have never been with anyone this long...I..." he shook his head for he didn't know how to answer this question. "Where you ordered to go to Tain on my behalf? Were you ordered to fight for Jadzia when they wanted to take her Trill? The orphans...was it simply part of your cover?" he asked, his questions suddenly being fired off like shots. "No, I was ordered not to interfere," Julian shot back when the first question was fired. "and Jadzia needed my help, and yes at first the orphans were apart of the role, yet I couldn't abandon them when I was told they no longer served, I..." he was going to continue to defend his actions when he saw the slight amused and pleasant smirk upon Garak's face and he halted in actions... "What?" "Then I do know you...at least the part that counts," Elim nodded with satisfaction. "Granted there are things I don't know about you as I do so hope there are things about me that you don't...otherwise, I must reconsider my expertise as a spy," he teased lightly. Julian chuckled at being so easily had, but Elim made his point, undercover or not, in the end, he shined through, and it was him that Garak was drawn too, and it gave him hope...real hope for the first time. "As the Klingons say, your can be a real Patak at times, Garak," he smirked, his eyes shining with tender emotions in them. "As for reconsidering your skill level, let me inform you of a few things..." he hesitated, realizing that this along could still push Elim away. //Have a little faith for once,// he advised himself, //for if he is worth the risk of all this, then he is worth the truth...right?// "What thing?" Elim asked, wondering what more this amazing young man had to surprise him with. Seeing the hesitancy and for once the open eyes he saw the questions of fear of what he had to say and the acceptance that he would take the results of it head on; this he could admire, among many other aspects of this Julian he was coming to know better. He settled himself as best he could, bracing himself for whatever was to come, //So long as he has not killed a member of my family...I can deal with it,// he assured himself, for there was only one member that meant anything, and she was still breathing as far as he knew. Julian stood up and stretched out his body, as all the tension of fear and anguish rolled in and out of him, for there was still more to go, and walked the small space before him. "According to records, Elim, you will be turning forty-eight next month..." "If it's a matter of age, I know that I'm much older than you but..." "You are not older than me, Garak." "I'm sure it doesn't bother me...what did you say?" Julian looked at him, his eyes now clear, for he found the courage to speak, "You are not older than me, Garak. When we were celebrating my twenty-eight birthday a few months back, you commented I still looked twenty-five and I scoffed, do you remember?" Garak simply nodded, for he could not fathom Julian being his age, plastic surgery was good, but not that good...was it? "Well, we actually celebrated my one hundredth and twenty-eight birthday, I'm a hundred and twenty-eight years old, and the reason I am and don't look a day over twenty-five, since that is the next logical question is...because I was genetically made...but not by those people you met...but 31 themselves." There he said it, not let the chips fall where they may. Garak looked at Julian as if he blew a gasket, "A hundred and twenty-eight, really now, Julian," he started, but seeing the seriousness in the young...err...other man's eyes made him reconsider for a moment. "How...?" "Truth is they don't know how, nor can they duplicate it. I was literally `made' for this job, Elim. I was raised in labs and taught the ins and outs of this job; my fist assignment was at twelve years old. I have played more roles and impersonated more races than any other agent, thus earning me my commission, but I will never be more than a glorified field agent, for they fear me too much. I'm just an experiment that went partially right and can out do them and out live them and until now never had a weakness..." "Me..." Garak asked, yet at the same time knew it was true. "So, in essence, that is why we are here. You wanted what I had to offer, but you wanted it for the real you inside...not for whom I thought you were, as well as you were tired of the game...same as I, and knew they would not let you go. With no choices you were going to...what?" this was something he wanted to know, for he didn't think Julian would be all that he said he was, which as he looked farther into the man's eyes, believe he was, and simply take off...that would be sloppy. "I have it arranged that it would look like I was kidnapped by some wacko. No motive would be found, but I did plant enough evidence to prove it true, even if you did take notice of things missing, which is why I'm sure you found me so fast?" "Yes, when I noticed the bear and the shawl missing, I knew you had left, just not why. I also take it from our conversation and your expression when I boarded, that whatever you used to knock me out didn't work..." "I've come to believe that on some level I wanted this conversation, though truly believing it at the time it would be most vial. I'm...I'm glad that is has not been so," he replied evenly. "I too am glad for that," Elim smiled, not able not to show how he did care for this man, but he was not jumping into his arms...this conversation was far from over. "So, you were kidnapped, surely you knew that I and the others..." "Would look, yes I did. I was going to fake my death and the remains of this shuttle and enough DNA of both parties would be present to close the case, and I was going to vanish into the vast quadrant and not look back. With my skills I could be just about anyone at any time, and that was how I was going to hide and..." he felt his face flush. "And?" Garak stood up and walked over to Julian, for this seemed odd at this stage of events. "What were you...oh...?" he found himself grinning like a school boy. "You were going to come back to me...but as `you' but in another form...yes?" "It sounds rather foolish hearing it out loud," Julian blushed, "but...yes," he whispered as he met Elim's gaze, "I love you, Elim. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I love the way you make me feel...whole, cherished...safe, I want that life with you, that our organizations would deny us, that we would have denied us because of all the lies. As you said, I too tire of the game, I just want..." "You," Elim said at the same time as his Jahkim, for at this moment he knew it was still his beloved Julian and leaned in and caressed his lips against his love's and they kissed and if possible, it was more precious, more powerful than any other kiss that had ever passed between them and more bonding. When the kiss ended, Garak leaned back in his love's arms that were now around his waist, and his eyes looked deeply into his soul mates...for he know understood that was the case, and why Julian understood him so well. "I have but two questions for you," he said gently, not breaking the spell that was woven between them. "First, is Julian your real name?" Julian chuckled softly, "yes, but I have no real last name," he replied simply. "Easily fixed," Garak smiled lovingly, "Second, even if I am the junior in the mix, do you trust me?" Garak had his answer long before the words were spoken for he saw it clear in the dark loving eyes that shined back at him. "With all that I am, Elim, with all that I am." "Then this is what I propose as a solution to this matter, it starts with the concept of working from the inside out..." ************ Striding down the long grayish marble walled halls, he turned at the end to enter two huge wooden doors with golden handles that easily moved aside for him without being touched, admitting him to the vast office with in. He was two feet in the door way when the Cardassian woman looked up from her desk and smiled pleasantly at him. "Good after noon, Doctor, go right in; he'll be pleased to see you, sir." "Thank you, Grisha," Julian smiled as he brushed a few stray hairs, touched gray to reflect his supposed current age as he moved passed her to another set of elegant designed doors that opened to him with ease. He moved forward this time to come close to being bowled over by two half Cardassian half human children. "Daddy!" they shouted with joy. He knelt down and hugged them tightly and leaned back to see how they have grown in the few weeks he had to be away at Starfleet Medical and other places, as member of the Council of his organization. "My, Elim, you look like you grew a quarter inch since I've been away," he marveled lovingly, as he his fingers caressed the small ridges along his son's golden cheek, so much like his name sake, but with his own skin coloring. He let his eyes scan his son, who stood now with squared shoulders to prove he did indeed grow that quarter inch that was in is Father's mind, and he was so proud of him and loved him dearly. Little Elim was now ten and as smart as a whip, with every quality he loved best about the boy's father. Then the turned to his youngest, his daughter, Julie Ann, named more so after the woman that Elim said gave Julian his heart, and was touched that fate had chosen her to look more like him, but prettier. She was now eight and just as smart as her brother, and just as wonderful. "And I did not think it possible, but I do believe that you have grown not only a bit taller, but prettier too," he teased lovingly. "Ah, Daddy," she replied, hugging him, but not believing him one bit. "I missed you too." "She is her Father's daughter, Jahkim, and will not be so easily swayed by such nonsense, much like you yourself would not be," Elim Garak interjected as he sauntered up to his little family, while adjusting his jacket that deemed his position, being heir to Tain's legacy and office that he now held. Garak was a Senator and in the running for leader in the new elections that have come about as an after effect with the alliance with the Federation, when the last government fell due to it's vast corruptions that had mysteriously came to light, much like the one the Federation itself went through a few years prior. He pulled his husband to his feet and kissed him soundly, then hugged him close, as Garak gave him a knowing look. Julian laughed warmly and conceded this point with another hug to him and then gathered his son and daughter in his arms as it became a group hug. He held them all tightly, for he so deadly loved then, and though there was peace between Cardassia, now an ally to the Federation, he still worried for them. He worried for Garak for he was still aging as was to be expected, and he feared losing him and once more facing this universe alone. Then he feared for the children, but more so for their genes, for they were apart of him and he knew not how it would affect them. Garak once again seeing the same old concerns cross his Jahkim's eyes once more leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "We can only love them, guide them and protect them from so much. What you fear is years away and if they do take after you, then you will not walk this world alone, nor will they...just love them Julian...just love them." And he did...all of them.