Title: Tired of the Game
Summary: Based on the idea posted on the GBF; (one person 
manipulates the other for control of the other) though it's not 
quite that either, but that is what inspired it.
Paring:  G/B 
Rating:   R 
Disclaimer: All obvious characters belong to Paramount, but 
since they are done with the show, I'm letting our boy's out of the 
`closet' so they can enjoy their holiday!
Comments: Also, I credit Mrs. Diane Bloomfield for her 
inspirational work, that I just had to `borrow' the word `Jahkim' 
her Cardassian word for (beloved). 
http://members.tripod.com/~Slashgirl/index.html
Note: Canon-what's that?
Feedback: Like any other writer, always welcomed. 
mysticmcknight@hotmail.com

"Tired of the Game"

        The hour was late and like most stores on the promenade, his 
shop was closed, but he...Garak, the simple tailor, continued to 
dwell within his. There was not a light that anyone from the 
outside could see, only enough for him to see the few items 
sitting before him on a small table in the backroom, where he 
pondered his fate. 

        One of those items before him was a glass of Kanar, which he 
had just refilled from another item, the large half empty bottle, 
and now sipped from it, staring at the third item, a bracelet of 
silver with ancient traditional markings...the one that would 
change his life and quiet possibly seal his fate for some time...a 
betrothal bracelet. 

        He sat back in his chair and continued to stare at the intricate 
item as his focal point, but swiftly his mind moved beyond the 
shining silver bauble of the present back to the past where this 
all began...three years ago.

        Standing near the display window of his shop, that did little to
no 
business, for he was a Cardassian on a Bajoran station, he 
puttered around the new display he was creating when he 
spotted the young tall sender and very beautiful man in medical 
blue, walking...no, bouncing across the deck like an eager 
puppy yapping at the stations chief of engineering, Miles O'Brien. 
Subtly he took out a small pad from his pocket and keyed in a 
code, and a picture appeared, sure enough it was the same 
young man, but yet Garak immediately thought this picture didn't 
do the young man any justice, for here he looked attractive sure 
enough, but in person...he shook such thoughts from his head 
and closed the pad, he had his target. If he wanted to win back 
his grace to Cardassia, he was to become the plant he knew 
people suspected him to be, //an obvious cover,// he mused, and 
to gain an in he was to target the young man whose profile 
showed him to be the perfect choice. His target liked intrigue and 
yet was too naïve to truly understand it, and enjoyed both male 
and female company, though not overly experienced in either. He 
was ripe for the picking, ripe to take hold of and mold to one's 
designs...his. //It's a job, Elim, like any other, the fact that you'll 
enjoy it...// he looked out the window again seeing the young 
man still yapping, //well perhaps some of it,// he amended, //is a 
bonus,// he grinned slightly and moved off not only to finish his 
display, but his plans of seduction for the naïve CMO of DS9, one 
Julian Bashir; just turned twenty five and as fresh as a school 
boy with the looks of many a wet dream. Garak could not 
suppress the predator smile as he set to work...

        Garak sipped his Kanar once more, //you seduced him all right,// 
he thought with a small smile, his eyes somewhat distant as he 
recalled it all; the first meeting, the chance encounters that lead 
up to lunches that lead up to dinners and oh so much more. 
//Yeah, you seduced him right into your bed...and your 
heart...OLD FOOL!// he chided himself as he slammed back the 
rest of the cool liquid in his glass and poured himself some 
more. 

        As the fiery red liquid sloshed about the confines of the glass, 
once more Garak's thoughts drifted to the past...

        Standing in the dark in a corner of one of the lower decks of the 
station, Garak waited silently. Soon he saw his contact and 
moved forward; few words were exchanged before getting down 
to business. "Here is what you wanted," he stated coolly and 
evenly as he handed over the pad. 

        The other Cardassian, whose presence was unknown to any on 
the station, took it eagerly, his dull grey eyes sparking at Garak, "I 
take it your alluring Doctor is once more proving helpful," he 
teased. 

        Garak kept his professional demeanor, "He continues to be 
unknowingly a source of great information," he replied evenly, 
seeing no reason why he should share the fact that he actually 
enjoyed Julian's company in and out of his bed. 

        "I am glad to hear that, because you are to continue this 
relationship with the young doctor till ordered to do otherwise," 
the other Cardassian informed him firmly. 

        Garak arched a ridge, "I wad told..."

        "I know what you were told, but the Order has seen that you best 
serve here as you are now; do you question your orders?" he 
asked, daring Garak to say yes. 

        "Of course not," the tailor/spy replied evenly. "It is merely that
such a long assignment may prove...difficult. It is one thing to 
manipulate a person for a week, a month or two, but it has been 
over a year and a half, he is becoming more...challenging," he 
stated. Indeed Julian was becoming more challenging, `he' was 
falling for his target and he knew the more he was around the 
young man, the more he would not be able to resist his simple 
charms. Julian, though naïve, had proven over time to be highly 
intelligent, passionate about his believes, standing up to others 
many a man would have ran from, showing a depth few saw in 
him from the beginning. Julian was also a fast learner, and 
showed a quick wit, and unique insight to things, but strangely 
only around him, and it touched him that the young man felt 
comfortable around him to do so. He noticed how the staff was 
still struggling to accept him, but accept him they would, not only 
because he was their CMO, but Julian's charms were 
impossible to resist if you could not escape him...and he could 
not, not if he was under orders to stay. 

        "You have always been good with challenges, Garak," the other 
Cardassian replied slyly then his expression turned cold and 
serious, "Handle it. Here is your next goal, you have a week to 
get this to us," he ordered. 

        Garak took the pad and looked it over, "A week, surely..."

        "A week, Garak," he snapped and then turned and left. 

        Garak stood there pondering his current fate, //To get him to 
cooperate this much will mean I'll have to give him what he 
wants,// he sighed. Up till now, Julian had other lovers on the 
side, well a few...but Garak was his primary and Julian wanted 
things to become exclusive, a commitment. Garak had denied 
this and it seemed that Julian was going to back off from him 
and had the Order allowed it, he would let the young man go; he 
cared too much for him to continue to use him this way, but 
now...? He sighed, //Gulls, help me,// he prayed, as he turned to 
do what he must; beg Julian to be his...

        As this memory faded and the harsh present rushed in, Garak in 
a burst of anger swiped his arm across the table, knocking 
everything off, and slammed the glass down hard. "Great Gulls, 
what am I do now?" he demanded...prayed...and begged in one 
breath. Three years of being in Julian Bashir's arms...his so 
called target...and he was in love. No, he was more than in love 
if such things were possible and yet he dared not break things 
off with Julian, not so much for the Order, but he desperately 
didn't want to hurt the vibrant soul that knew his so well and love 
him for it. The Order thinks the relationship is perfect, for it has 
served them so well over the years, that when they got wind of 
Julian wanting to get married or call it off, they shipped the 
betrothal bracelet to him along with orders...do it! 

        //Don't they understand?// his mind cried out. //If I marry
Julian, I 
`will' forgo `everything' for `him'! Damn it, I love him and I am so 
`tired' of using him. I don't want to use him. I don't want to lie to 
him anymore. I just...// he sighed as a few tears fell down his 
gray cheek, now flushed with alcohol, //I just want to love him.// 

        Garak wiped the tears from his face as another does of cold 
harsh reality settled upon him; if he stopped doing what he did 
one or two things would happen, one, the Order would make 
sure Julian found out...and he would lose him or worse, the 
Order would have Julian eliminated and `that' was unacceptable! 
//Perhaps they do know, and this way they not only secure a 
source of information, but me as well,// Garak mused and 
nodded, that this was most likely the case. "A brilliant strategy," 
he mutters as he gets up, leaving the glass where it was and 
moves and gathers up the bracelet and the case in which it 
came in, knowing that tonight he would propose to his Julian 
and though he would use him, he would do his best to minimize 
it and make him happy and if the Gulls will, forever remain 
ignorant of anything else but his love. 

***********
        
        It was still early, he could tell, even if no sun shined in his 
window, only starlight; yet he knew it was morning. He could feel 
that Garak had gone to work, himself not due to report for his 
shift for several more hours, and yet he knew he was not alone 
in his bedroom either. "You could knock," Julian growled as he 
shifted in bed and wiped the sleep from his eyes to stare at the 
older blond male dressed all in black, sitting in a chair across 
from him, staring with an amused look upon his face.

        "Why, Doctor, why would I do such a thing, when this way is so 
much more pleasant," he replied warmly with a hint of teasing in 
his tone and his eyes as they raked over Julian's golden flesh. 

        "Hmmm," was Julian's reply as he sat up, adjusting the covers 
over his naked body about the waist, and ran a hand through his 
short dark hair as he stretched.  

        "I see congratulations are in order," the blond stated, shifting
to 
rest his right ankle on his left leg, relaxing for the conversation 
ahead. 

        Julian pulled the hand that was in his hair back and looked at 
the bracelet, "Yes, I guess it is," he mused dryly. He then tossed 
the covers aside, no qualms about the blond seeing him nude 
and padded across the room to place on some shorts, black 
and a matching T-shirt, //Seems fitting,// Julian mused as he 
turned to face the other man. "So, Sloan, what news do you bring 
me from 31 that brought you here on such a...joyous occasion," 
he asked coolly while walking out his bedroom to the replicator 
to get himself some coffee, totally unconcerned about the agent 
in his bedroom. 

        "I'm mostly here to get your update, but they were concerned that 
you might not be able to pull this `wedding' off, but once again it 
seems..."
        
        "The Council has underestimated me," Julian replied a tad 
harshly. He turned toward Sloan, his dark eyes narrowed in a 
look that no one on DS9 had ever seen, for such a look was not 
something `Doctor Julian Bashir' would do, for it was one of 
malice and the `Doc' was not known to be threating. "I have been 
at this `game', longer than you and most members of the 
Council have been alive," he growled, literally smashing the 
coffee cup in his hand, unfazed by the scolding heat nor hurt by 
the shards as it all passed through his fingers to the rug.  "I was 
created to `play' my roles well, Sloan," he snapped as he stalked 
back to the bedroom where the agent was now standing, in 
response to the anger and danger he saw in Julian's eyes. 

        "Look, Doctor..." Sloan began in a patronizing tone. 

        Faster then the agent could process, he was slammed against 
the bulkhead of the station, all his body weight being held in 
place by the one hand that was clamped around his neck, for his 
feet were not even touching the floor; as he looked down into the 
black eyes of one holding him captive and saw the `true danger' 
he was in. 

        "I...am not...a doctor," Julian stated in a cold, calculated voice. "I
am an agent that was literally created for this job, my mother a 
Petri dish and my father a test tube, not those agents that were 
sent here to pose in their place," he sniffed, his face hard and 
the aura of `Doctor Bashir' far from present at the moment. "I 
have earned my place and my rank in this organization long 
before you came along, Commander, and I will not be treated in 
`any manner' by `anyone' except with respect in accordance to 
that, do you understand?" he growled slightly, his eyes threating. 

        Sloan, now red faced, nodded, "Yes, sir," he muttered while 
trying to struggle for breath. 

        "I said...do you understand?" Julian asked again as he slid 
Sloan down the wall so he could breath and answer him 
properly. 

        Sloan gasped for air as soon as he was allowed to do so. "Ah, 
yes...Captain. Yes, Captain, sorry, Captain," he gasped, realizing 
just how close he came to death; having not met the 
experimental agent before this assignment and bought into his 
role as Doctor Bashir, he never considered the rest to be 
relevant. The fact that Julian was over a hundred and 
twenty-eight years old and still looked in his twenties, and 
always would without assistance, never factored in to his way of 
looking at the man. Nor did he fact that one does not reach the 
rank of Captain in Section 31 without having what it takes to 
succeed in their assignments and just how ruthless one had to 
be to do so, never quite mixed with the sweet innocent 
Lieutenant Junior grade CMO that he had observed over the last 
few months, his predecessor having moved on to another 
assignment; he knew better now. He adjusted his cloths and 
looked at Julian with the respect he knew he should always give 
a superior officer, along with just a touch of fear; something one 
gives a superior officer in 31. 

        "I'll report your success, Captain," he stated appropriately. 

        "Hmm," was all that Julian said as he now appeared calm and 
moved back toward his living room to attend his mess. "We've 
been manipulating the Obsidian Order via Garak for three years 
now, quiet successfully I might add," he stated evenly as he 
twisted his right wrist to dangle the bracelet on it toward Sloan, 
as he stooped and gathered the pieces of his former coffee cup. 
"However," he muttered as he placed the pieces in the recycler, "I 
am no longer convinced that Elim Garak can serve us to the full 
extent that the Council desires." 

        Sloan having joined Julian in the living room, actually getting a 
sponge and a stain remover from the replicator...//never hurts to 
kiss up,// he mused, was dabbing at the spot when Julian made 
his statement and looked up surprised. "Why not? Ah...Sir," he 
added, forgetting himself for a second, but was glad to see that 
dark look did not return to his superior's eyes. 

        Julian's face was neutral, his movements at ease as he let 
Sloan clean up the stain while he got some breakfast. "That is 
simple, my dear Sloan," he smirked, thinking that would be how 
Garak would put it, "because he is limited, as now demonstrated 
by the Order's little gift," he added as he once more dangled the 
bracelet. He took his tray and moved to the dining table and 
started eating, appearing to pay little attention to Sloan. "I believe 
the Council can do better...I can do better," he stated evenly after 
a few mouthfuls and a sip of his fresh coffee. Then he turned to 
Sloan who was putting the stain stuff back in the recycler, "I want 
you to go back and report this and let them know I want another 
assignment...this one has reached its end; the road burnt out. 
It's time for me to move on." 

        Sloan's eyes went wide, for agents did not tell the Council 
`anything' much less when to end or change assignments. "Ah, 
Captain, do you think it wise," he started to say, for he did not 
want his own career jeopardized by Julian's foolish actions. 

        Julian's easy manner changed back to the dark calculated man 
in seconds, silencing Sloan with a look. "Commander, it was not 
a request that you do this. As I said, I can serve the Council 
better from another position, and I am sure they will see the 
wisdom in this as well. Now," his aura shifted once more...years 
of practice...back to the calm young man people were use to 
seeing as of late, "If you would be so kind, I'd like to finish my 
breakfast in peace. I'll expect to hear from you in a day or two. 
Good day, Sloan," he stated warmly then turned to finish his 
breakfast as if Sloan was already gone. 

        Sloan stared at the enigma known to only a few in 31 as 
Julian... no last name beyond experiment 327A, and let his body 
give a small shiver, for he had never seen such smooth 
transitions as he witnessed today, making him totally 
unpredictable. If anything, he came to understand that Julian 
was a dangerous man, made more so for he was experienced, 
and if he knew what was good for him, he'd do as this man 
asked. "Captain," was all he spoke and he taped his hidden com 
badge and vanished in the transporter beam, not able to get out 
of there fast enough. 

        Once Sloan was gone, Julian stopped eating and tossed the 
fork down to his tray as tears built up in his eyes and a hand 
came up and covered his mouth to quiet the soft sobs he felt 
about to escape his throat. //Stars, if I don't get away from him 
now, I'll never be able to leave him,// he cried softly. He pushed 
himself from the table and moved to his sofa and took the shawl 
that rested on its back and placed it around him; Garak gave it to 
him two and half years ago as a gift, made by hand...his hands, 
and it always made him feel like Elim himself was holding him; 
he so desperately wanted that now. //Who would have foreseen 
that three years ago when I took this assignment to play the 
naïve brilliant doctor, the perfect personality to lure Elim Garak 
into starting this game with me, I would fall in love with 
him...OLD FOOL!// he growled at himself. //Ah, you should have 
foreseen it, Julian,// he chided. //You of all people should have 
known better...seen the signs; they were all there just like when 
you posed as that Romulan clerk for Senator Nassala, and what 
happened there...hmm?// the rational voice asked as he 
plopped down on his sofa staring at the stars in the distance but 
not seeing them. //I did my duty,// he countered. //Yes, but it broke 
your heart in the process and in the end we agreed it was not 
worth it. When she found out, she hated you; went to her grave 
hating you, even if she didn't know who you really were...they find 
out you are not what you appear to be...the good ones always 
find out...he'll find out and he'll hate you. In fact, he doesn't even 
love `you' but the façade.// 

        Oh that bit of reality hurt most of all as more tears fell down
his 
face as his heart constricted; Elim Garak loved Doctor Julian 
Bashir, a young idealist healer that had been forced into his 
current situation via loving but misguided parents that tampered 
with his DNA. This last bit of information was used as a lure to 
hook the Order more when the Council got wind that they no 
longer saw the Doctor as beneficiary to them and would cut him 
loose. Swaying a genetically enhanced doctor was a lot more 
appealing, and in sympathy alone it won not only them but many 
others around him to secure his role here. But this young man 
was not real, Julian aka 327A had no last name, no family. He 
was created and raised in Section 31's labs and when deemed 
ready they field tested him at the tender age of twelve, posing as 
an orphan on a war torn planet that the Federation was aiding, in 
order to infiltrate the home of a young civilian couple who both 
were scientist that disdained the Federation or more precise 
Starfleet; their names Julie Ann and Randolph Bashir. It was 
Julie Ann that touched his young heart and he loved her, for she 
had become the mother he had never known and hated 
betraying them, though it was years later that he fully understood 
his actions. When he had achieved his mission in full he was 
ordered to `run away' which he did, but he kept the name Julian, 
that which his temp mother had always called him. Years later 
he discovered his leaving had a great effect on them. Julie Ann 
had stopped her work and became a real mother to a son they 
had named Julian...after him. This touched him and angered 
him, but when he found out that the little family had died as a 
result of another war torn skirmish he dedicated himself to his 
cause and the reason he was created, and he never forgot them 
or his purpose; if the Federation prospered so did the peace.

        When he was ordered to create this persona, it seemed fitting to 
use them as a template, taking all that he thought best from 
those who personified the qualities he was after. Of course he 
had to mix it with the other requirements given, this was nothing 
new and thus Julian Bashir was born. Yes...he was as phony as 
it comes, and to top it off, he was a spy in love with a spy...life 
sucked!

        Julian wiped his face dry and pushed the pain of his heart aside 
so he could think. Truth was, he knew what the Council was 
going to tell him; they were going to order him to go through with 
the marriage, for they saw Elim Garak making his way back into 
power in Cardassia relatively a lot sooner than the Order 
themselves think...nothing a few assignations couldn't fix, and 
they would have an agent by his side as he rose in power step 
by step. That was their plan and he knew they would not be 
swayed from it, but he was hoping they would understand that he 
was becoming involved...hell he was more than involved, //Shit, 
what would they think if they knew that I did `want' to marry Garak 
and fuck, I even want to have his children...if I can,// he pondered 
hopelessly. His lack of aging was a side effect that no one 
suspected. When he matured at the age of twenty five, he 
remained such; Section 31 was still trying to discover what they 
did in order to repeat it. Julian was unique in this factor and his 
abilities in the field saved him from a life of experimentation, but 
as he sat at the window, older than most people on this station 
except a few Vulcans and a handful of other races, he 
wondered...just what kind of life was this?

        He toyed with the bracelet on his wrist, allowing him a moment 
or two to enjoy the thrill of being loved, even if it was an illusion, 
then slipped it off and tumbled it in his fingers. //I can't keep 
using him like this! I can't marry him and have a family under 
these circumstances... fuck...I can never have a family...never,// 
he thoughts as once again a few tears escaped down his cheek. 

        Stars, he was tired, not just physically, but emotionally; he was 
tired of this game and no longer wanted to play. He called the 
infirmary and lied to get out of going to work today, he needed to 
rest and think...this had to come to an end and he had to decide 
on which ending he was going to give it. 

***********

        He knew the instant Garak had entered the room and slowly 
opened his eyes, seeing the Cardassian moving toward him 
and kneeling beside the sofa where he had been sleeping, his 
bright blue eyes filled with concern and love for him. He loved to 
look into those eyes...they soothed him so. 

        Garak knelt next to Julian and caressed his soft dark hair, 
concern filling him when he called the infirmary to see if Julian 
would lunch with him to discuss when to tell the others about 
their engagement and found he had called in sick. "Are you all 
right, Jahkim?" he asked lovingly as he then slid his arm 
underneath Julian's slender shoulders and pulled him gently to 
his chest so he could feel his beloved against him. 

        Julian gave a soft sigh, he loved being in Garak's arms; after all
this time he never quite understood why, but they gave him a 
sense of security and love that no other person in his life had 
been able to offer. //It's probably because he really does love 
you,// he thought with mixed feelings, happy to be loved, sad that 
it was not him that was loved. "I'll be all right, love," he replied 
softly, nuzzling his head against Garak's chest, savoring the 
feeling. "I just need to rest, that's all." 

        Garak placed a tender kiss on Julian's hair, "Then let me move 
you to the bed, you'll be more comfortable. Plus, if there is 
anything else I can do..."

        "Garak, you don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine. You have a
shop to run..."

        "I've closed it," he interjected, letting his Jahkim know he was 
his priority. "They can all wait," he added as he lifted Julian into 
his arms and started carrying him to the bed room. He noticed 
the partially eaten breakfast and the unmade bed, things unlike 
Julian to leave about or undone, and it worried him. //He was so 
happy last night, why is he upset now?// he wondered as he 
gently hugged Julian to him a bit tighter. 

        Julian wrapped his arms around the strong neck, resting his 
head on Garak's strong shoulders, loving the feeling being held 
like this gave him; he felt cherished and treasured and he so 
didn't want that feeling to go away. As Garak stood by the bed 
before placing him down, he looked up into his sky blue eyes 
and let his own meet his...really meet his. "Don't let go," he 
whispered. 

        Garak had never seen such desperation in his love's eye nor 
such fear and anxiety among all the tender love that was pouring 
out toward him. There seemed to be a whole new world within 
his Julian's eyes, one that was unknown to him yet familiar, and 
he found himself falling even more so for his Jahkim with this 
simple exchange. "Never," he vowed as he knelt on the bed and 
placed his precious love in the center and curled his body up to 
him. 

        He felt Julian's body tremble in his embrace and pulled a 
blanket over them, but it didn't ease the shiver and he knew it 
was not temperature that was the cause. He looked at his love's 
face, his sweet face rested on his chest, his hair tucked under 
his chin, his eyes closed, while he pressed his firm lean body as 
close to his as was physically possible; if it were not for the 
tremble, he would believe that Julian had gone to sleep, but he 
knew better. "What's wrong, Jahkim?" 

        Julian so loved Elim's touch, the sound of his voice, he never 
wanted to leave this and yet the fear of losing it all was all too 
real to him. "I...I love you, Elim," he whispered in as controlled a 
voice he could manage, but he knew it still trembled. "I love you 
so very much," he cried softly, no longer able to hold his 
emotions at bay as he hugged his love tightly, praying that if he 
did so hard enough, the rest of the world would just go away. 

        Hearing Julian's declaration on such a level stirred his soul and 
every aspect of his being was called into alert; his Julian was 
hurting and he would do everything in his power to stop it. //To 
hell with the Order...Julian is my priority now. I'll do what I must 
to protect him, but that is all they shall have,// he silently vowed.  
He hugged Julian closer to him and kissed his temple, "Talk to 
me, Jahkim, tell me what is wrong so I can help make it right," he 
encouraged gently. 

        //If only you could,// Julian cried in thought. //If only I could
talk to you...tell you...// he shook his head, it wouldn't matter...nothing 
mattered; he was going to lose Elim one way or another. So all 
he could do was hold him tighter, burning every feeling of 
Garak's body to his own, and to change the subject for he knew 
Elim would press it otherwise, he leaned up and kissed him 
soundly on the lips. He wanted to make love to man, that in 
another life, he would marry and spend the rest of his life 
with...do anything for, he wanted one last time to sustain him for 
the years a head; because this was going to be their last night 
together...he was leaving...DS9...and Section 31, he had had 
enough; after tonight, he was done playing games with his or 
anyone else's life. 
        
***********