TITLE: With Every Blink of His Eyes AUTHOR: Gul Occett guloccett@aol.com RATING: PG SERIES: DS9 CODES: G/B SUMMARY: When Julian shot Garak in the episode "Our Man Bashir", Garak was killed. DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Star Trek, DS9, and the characters. This story was written for personal amusement and should not be taken as intended copyright infringement. WEBSITE: http://members.aol.com/guloccett/writing/bear.htm AUTHOR'S NOTE: Merrie issued this challenge for the G/B Fuh-q fest. THANKS: Thanks to Sakky for the beta! ::hugs:: love ya! With Every Blink of His Eyes By Gul Occett There wasn't a moment of the day that Julian was free from Garak's death. Each idle moment, it flashed through his mind. Any time he closed his eyes, he relived the terrible scene. Every time he passed the place where *his* shop had been, he remembered. As he lay awake in bed at night, he thought of nothing else. With every blink of his eyes, 'it' was there. In the blink of an eye he decided to end his friend's life. In the blink of an eye, he had committed the act. In the blink of an eye, he had killed his heart. He was no longer *truly* the doctor with the boyish smile. He could no longer play games of wit with his scaly friend. The irony of it all was, he was sure that Garak would have been proud of him. Garak, most likely, would have approved of meeting his end this way. Killed by his protégé- what bigger compliment to his tutelage could there be? The worse part of it was, he would do the same thing again. Saving the lives was worth the sacrifice. But suppose the circumstances had been different? What if those same people had been ill, and their only cure was an enzyme in Garak's brain that could only be extracted if he were dead? Would he have killed Garak to save them in that case? No, he could not of. So how then was this situation any different? Oh, he fooled others easily enough, telling them he had not intended to kill Garak, but he could not fool himself. His enhanced memory would never let the incident fade, nor let his reasoning at the time be diminished through the course of time. He wished he had been able to trust Garak enough to share his heart, and accept Garak's obvious attempts to be more intimate. He knew for a long time that Garak was in love with him and felt the same way. It was not shyness that prevented him from revealing himself. He just knew better than to trust Garak that much. Garak had too many secrets, kept too much of himself hidden, for Julian to ever be able to reveal himself. Yet, in the end, it was Garak who had trusted *him* too much. Another irony that would have appealed to Garak's dark humor was that he left his every possession to his murderer. That was a punishment in and of itself to Julian, and the least that he deserved for what he had done. There was a brief inquest, but he had no problems. He hadn't even been forced to take that long a leave of absence. He continued his duties, pretending to be who he had been, but his every smile was false, his every laugh forced. And each day he withdrew from life more and more with no one realizing it. He developed quite the acting talent through his dealings with Garak and his various holosuite adventures. His life was just another game he played. His only reality was his pain and self-hatred. And he killed Garak again and again with every blink of his eyes. ~The End~ Send all constructive criticism to GulOccett@aol.com Visit my WebPages: http://members.aol.com/GulOccett/writing/bear.htm Gul Occett http://members.aol.com/guloccett/writing/bear.htm ********** "Perhaps we could exchange insults another time- I'm rather busy now." - Gul Ocett from TNG's "The Chase"