What follows is the happennings of yet another David Stalking adventure, but with a twist. You see, I (Walter) was contacted by a television producer about gathering information and helping out on a film shoot. The show is a brand new one called "The Wild Wild Web" and is (in my own words) an "Entertainment Tonight" based on the Internet. After talking to the producer and giving her all the information needed, she decided that Beverly (a member of the Duchovniks) and I would be great for the shoot. We were to report to Los Angeles on Friday, July 18th, and were to run around the city, appearing to "stalk David". Like this would be anything that we, two professional and seasoned David stalkers, couldn't handle. Anyway, what follows is our encounters in Los Angeles.
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997 10:18:50 -0700
From: "Walter's Duchovnik Inbox" Subject: Beverly and Walter's Excellent David Stalking!
OK, OK, so sit down and read it already! Here's all the details.
You know how the dark can make you look around at shapes you're not
used to? Well, when we climbed into bed (our own individual beds.
We had two queens in our room. Queen beds, that is!) and we were
talking before sleep, I looked over, and Beverly was so cute! She
was on her stomach with her legs bent up from the knee and in the
air. She was quiet, and I thought she was going to sleep like that.
It was cute! :)
When we awoke the next morning, Beverly was first to get up. She'd
showered and gotten ready, until I dragged my butt outta bed at 7:30
or so. After a shower and shave, I realized that, OOPS! I'd forgotten
my mousse. Of course this was just one of the things that I'd
forgotten to bring on the trip. I'd also left two tee shirts and
a Duchovniks button at my house, and had no way to get them. Anyway,
with the threat of my hair "blowing up" all over the place, I
grabbed my money and buttbag, and headed out in search of mousse.
Up and down the street for fifteen minutes, until I approached an
old man holding a straight razor to another old man's throat. It
was OK, though... It was one of those really, really old barber
shops. It was the only place open, and my only hope for mousse.
I walked in, and was checked over by the guy holding the razor like,
"You don't belong here..." It was funny... In that entire place,
which was largish, he had (for sale) one thing of mousse, one thing
of shampoo, and one thing of hair spray. Guess those older guys
that partake of the joint just don't have much call for it. :)
Well, after walking back to the hotel, it was time to grab our stuff
and head off for breakfast to meet Hillary (the director). We caught
a cab and found Caffe Latte, went in and sat down. A few minutes after
settling in, Beverly and I started in to our "scamming" phase, because
this *very* pretty guy walked in. Nice body, great arms, nice smile.
Of course Beverly was dissapointed because he'd already had Girlfriend
Version 1.0 installed, and Beverly'd forgotten her de-installation
program at home. *snark* The waiter came over and dropped off some
poppyseed muffins, and we snacked on them until Hillary showed up.
We had a little breakfast (I'd ordered the Greek salad - yes, for
breakfast!) and soon were on our way.
Our first stop was a church, not too far from the cafe. It looked
interesting, and Hillary got the OK to use it in the shoot. It was
when we got out of the car that we met Steve (the camera man) and
the sound guy (I think his name was Jamal, but I can't remember right
now...) And it was right about then that I looked over and saw jamal
with his hands looking like they were going in Beverly's shirt. Of
course this was totally OK, 'cause we were just laying wire (Not
pipe, wire! *grin*) for the remote microphones that we wore throughout
the day. A few minutes later, Beverly and I were looking into the
camera, delivering our first lines:
It was great, and you could tell that Hillary was pleased with us.
We were naturals, and the fact that we know each other quite well helped
even more. :)
After a few more scenes, we did a shot of Bev and I walking down the
street, "spotting" the church, and running inside. It was a cool
shot, and we had fun. Upon getting inside, we waited to hear "CUT!"
but didn't. I was looking around and went, "Narthax!" Of course
that's not something you say every day, and Beverly was curious. Well
hell, I was too... Close by us was a church bulletin with the word
"Narthax" on it. Now we have *no* idea what it is, but it sounded
funny. "I am Narthax!" I repeated, sounding more like a geek than
a super hero, but oh well..
During the shoots at the church, I noticed Beverly had a really small
poppy seed in her teeth from the muffin we'd eaten earlier. She tried
to get it out, but it only smeared itself in the crevice between two
teeth. Finally in desperation, I gave her my pocket knife and told her
to be *damn* careful. "Yeah" she said, "We can find David and I can
walk up to him and say, 'Hello David! Nice to meet you! Yes, my gums
*always* bleed when I get excited, why do you ask?'" Well thank the
stars that she didn't slip, and neither did the San Andreas fault, or
she'd have put Bleeding Gums Murphy to shame (and he's a cartoon
character!).
After the shoot, we drove by this *ghastly* place... Well, it wasn't
ghastly, but it was wierd! It was a totally white house, with white
curtains and white fence and white gate and white cat roaming around
outside, and about 20 statues of Michaelangelo's David outside. Well,
the irony of it was just too much, and Hillary told us we had to shoot
there. We pulled up the car and did a scene like that was our house,
and we were leaving from it to find David. It was a hoot! After the
very white house, Beverly did a scene where we had found a film crew
earlier, making it look like the film being shot was possibly the
X-Files movie. I stayed back and played in the water.
Of course, after every successful take, while we were packing up and
leaving, Jamal would come up to us and Bev would bend over immediatly,
making ooh and aah noises. He had to reach into her back pocket and
get something...the radio mic! It had to be turned off, to save the
battery. By that time, I'd learned to do it myself (though it might
not have been bad to have Jamal do it himself!) :)
We headed up to the hills, and did a great little shot up overlooking
the city. I had a line about the DDEB, but of course had to say what
the DDEB stood for. Twice, my lips and tongue refused to work with me
on the word "Estrogen". It was a bit of a twister, but I got it out.
We also had a scene on the hood of the car, making it look like we
were surfing the web with remote internet access, and also had a scene
in the bushes. But the one that got us was the driving scene. We
had to drive off by the camera, with Beverly hanging out of the window
looking through a pair of binoculars. I think we did it like 8 times
or so. I never knew why we did it so many times, but we did. And
each time we did it, we had to turn on this little winding road, doing
a double back in the middle of the street. It was interesting...
Finally it was noontime, and we stopped for a brief lunch. While
eating, I found that the place started making Chai not so long before
we went there. I went up to the counter (just after the cops had come
by with a Cuanan wanted poster, by the way) and asked if he could make
me some mocha chai. He said he could try, and asked what kind of
chocolate I wanted... "I've got milk chocolate, white chocolate,
dark chocolate..." I just looked at him, like the silly thing that
he was for asking that question and said, "Dark, please". Now, there
are a few places that make Chai, and even make mocha chai, but only
one place makes them and they're good. Now there are two. This guy
made the best mocha chai, and Beverly and I were oohing and aahing
over it before we hit the road.
Now who, in their bloody well right mind, would voluntarily go to
Bakersfield California in the middle of the Summer? You could not
get Beverly and I up there without a damn good reason. Well, seeing
as how The X-Files movie was being filmed in Bakersfield while we
were there, that was a damn good reason. As we drove (Bakersfield
is 100 miles north of LA), we got to know Hillary much more, and
found out that the Duchovniks website had actually inspired the
whole segment! See, the producers wanted a story about David, to
help promote his new movie, and she was working on one. When she
came across our homepage, she loved the idea of us heading up to
Vancouver, and started looking at that angle. She and her producer
loved it, and modeled the script after us - people running around
looking for David. She also told us about all the other stuff she
has done, and her incident with the homoerotic Herb Ritts pictures
of twin males (who *damn* were heterosexual). She's a great story
teller, which lends itself well to movie making.
After doing a scene where we were at a fruit stand, asking the locals
about David (and improvising our lines - she let us do that quite a
bit, with the exception of me saying "time" instead of "try" in one
scene... *grrr*) we went to shoot in a field, making it look very
desert like. We were at one point sitting in a pile of dried up weeds
on our butts, typing into the computer (which never got turned on the
entire trip) when Beverly wasn't close enough to me for the shot. She
needed to come up just a bit. Well, I was punchy by this time, and
when Beverly said, "How much?" I told her a buttscooch. It sounded
logical to me! She was just a little off, and I told her only half
a buttscooch, and that worked. We did a shot of Beverly typing a
poem to David, which was hilarious...
Of course, getting out of the dried weeds was easy - it was the getting
of the weed parts our of our clothing and shoes that was hard. We
spent forever pulling them out as we were preparing for the next shot.
We had to wait for the camera anyway, which was being mounted by
Steve. And he kept having to bend over to get it right, which was just
fine by me and Beverly. We didn't mind watching. *grin*
Our two last scenes were of us walking down a path into the desert, me
making gestures as to where David might be and Beverly checking it out
with the binoculars. It's funny, but I don't remember what we were
even talking about then, Bev! After that shot, we had one last one.
We were sitting on top of the car in the late afternoon sun (poor
Hillary was melting and I kept having to be powdered so I didn't shine)
doing the poem scene again. It came across very well, and we jumped
in the car and pretended to drive off, not finding our prey.
As it was, that was a fit ending as the last scene. We did indeed
pack up at that point and, after a little initial confusion about the
freeways, head back to Los Angeles. We had some great conversations
in the car, and were being just a bit crude, but we had a great time.
Soon enough, we were back at the hotel where we had stashed our cars,
said our goodbyes, and hit the road for home.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip, and I would have done it over
again in an instant. Actually, Hillary said that, based on the
activity going on with show and that segment in particular, she may
even like to do a follow up - following us around for a day in
Vancouver. We'll see!
Questions? Ask 'em if you got 'em!