Fandom: Supernatural RPF J2
Year/Length: 2008/~10,112 words
Disclaimer: I don't know the boys, and this is only a story.
Summary: They met, and they fell for each other, but sometimes that just isn't enough.
Author's Notes: The song by Duffy, named "Rockferry" was playing while I was starting to write this story, and the lyrics fit the story, so I went with that for a title. I've appended the lyrics at the end so that you can check them out if you like.
Beta: by marys_scribbles
The audition was interesting to say the least. Jared was used to being one of at least a half a dozen eager, nervously smiling hopefuls for any part he went after, but when he was ushered into the inner sanctum to meet the men who would do the final vetting, there was only one other person there. Jared cast a surreptitious look at the lone contender, and raised his eyebrows as he assessed him.
The read-through had gone well. Jared was sure that he'd made a good impression, but the other guy was good, too, he had to give him that. He was thoughtful, intense, and his interpretation of the role of Sam Winchester was perfectly done. Jared had lingered, smile wide and white as he held out his hand to his rival after the reading, and been rewarded with a shy smile in return.
They'd been introduced during the audition, so Jared knew that Jensen – that was his rival's name, Jensen – had been on Smallville, and that he was also a Texan. The audition had gone on for almost the whole morning, and Jared's stomach was rumbling. He eyed Jensen, speculatively. "So, you got somewhere to be, or you wanna go get a beer and a sandwich somewhere and decompress."
"Decompress sounds pretty good to me," said Jensen, studying Jared with eyes that were huge, green, lustrous and slightly unfocused in a way that lent him a romantic air.
The bar they finally found themselves in was your typical Los Angeles watering hole, full of potted palms and shiny plastic, with bartenders who were dressed as if they were expecting to be discovered any moment. Jared handed Jensen a Corona and together they headed towards the back of the room. It wasn't particularly full at three in the afternoon; there were only a few desultory drinkers, and a little group of women who were giggling and shrieking and very obviously visitors to Los Angeles. Jared smiled at them and slid into a booth opposite Jensen, his eyes traveling over the other man with frank curiosity.
"Dude, I watched Smallville a couple times, just for Christopher Reeve. Did you ever get to meet him?"
"Nah – wish I had." Jensen's voice was deep and surprisingly fervent, and Jared beamed at him, registering his sincerity. The man opposite him was stunning. Eyes that spoke volumes by the mere sweep of sinfully long lashes, cheekbones that rose, delicate and fine to emphasize the sweep of his jaw, and that mouth. The mouth should have been issued an NC/17 certificate, because it gave Jared the kind of idea that he just never had. Full-lipped, decadent, pouting, none of those words did it justice. When Jensen's lips suddenly curved in a smile to reveal white, even teeth, Jared felt himself shiver, because what chance did he have at the role they'd just competed for when there was someone that looked like this up against him?
"I grew up on Superman," said Jensen, thoughtfully. "Christopher Reeve was Superman to me. I was so excited to meet him, and it never happened. He got sick and then…" He paused. "You know these auditions are a crap-shoot. I tried out for Clark Kent in Smallville, but Welling beat me out. I don't suppose I'll get this. You're a much better Sam than I am – you've got that air of waifish innocence I can't do – although why you have it I have no clue, because, from where I'm standing, you're huge enough to be a fucking sasquatch." There was a swift sigh, and Jared watched, mesmerized as the tip of a pink tongue popped out to wet the plush lips. Jensen laughed. "For some reason I don't come across on camera like the sweet, innocent boy I am."
"The show looks really interesting," said Jared, non-committally. "And, you know what? I tried out for Superman in the new movie, but Brendan Routh got the part, so we have something in common. We're both failed supermen!" He chuckled. He wasn't going to tempt fate, and he didn't want to alienate this new and gorgeous man, because it seemed as though they could get on well together – could in fact become friends, even though one of them was going to be SOL as far as the part of Sam Winchester was concerned. "I bet it could catch on and go, like X-Files did."
"Don't know how happy I'd be with that kind of attention." Jensen looked pensive, pursing the lips that were mesmerizing Jared so totally and sending a little stab of something unfamiliar through him to warm his nether regions. "The public can be really fickle. I'd kinda like to do really good parts, even if they aren't commercially hot properties, just as long as I can keep eating at the same time. I don't know how happy I'd be with a horde of rabid fans studying my every move the way that things got with Duchovny and Anderson. You know that they had whole internet communities dedicated to pursuing them before they were through?"
"Well, we can't all play King Lear," said Jared. "Even Sir Alec Guinness took the part of Obi Wan Kenobi. I just wanna keep working."
"I guess." Jensen didn't sound convinced.
"Hey, you want to come over for barbecue, Saturday?" Jared's eyes brightened; the elastic grin that was never far away in full evidence as the idea suddenly came to him. "My girl an' me, we just got a place with a yard, and we're gonna do some real Texas barbecue."
Jensen's eyes shot to Jared's face, and his expression softened. "You're serious? Baby back ribs and everything?"
"Hell, yeah!" Jared gave his hearty laugh. "Come on over. Sandy would love to meet y'all, an' you can get yourself a taste of home."
"Can… Can I bring someone?" Jensen was reaching into his pocket for his Blackberry as he spoke.
"Sure. Just so long as whoever you bring doesn't complain about the hot sauce." Jared grinned again, pink tongue-tip protruding just a little as he scribbled his address and number onto a napkin and passed it over to Jensen. "See you around eight, yeah?"
"Count on it." Jensen gave Jared an eye-crinkling grin as he entered the address and date into his address book. "Wouldn't miss out on hot ribs for anything."
The following day, Jared had just erupted back into the house, sweat darkening his T-shirt, after a run with the dogs, when the phone rang. Sandy, in the kitchen doing something exotic with lemons and Perrier, picked up, while Jared filled the dogs' bowl with water and fumbled in the fridge for water of his own.
"For you," she murmured, after a short pause. "It's your agent."
Eyebrows raised, Jared reached for the phone, taking it from her and lodging it between ear and shoulder as he unscrewed the cap on the water bottle and slugged it back, feeling the cold burn down through to his stomach.
A few moments later, he said, ‘thank you,' and switched off the phone. Then he picked Sandy up and swung her around, a war whoop issuing from his lips.
"You've been at the mushrooms again?" she asked, smiling up at him, when he finally set her back on her feet.
"Got me a series," announced Jared, grinning so widely that the top of his head seemed in danger of coming adrift. "You're looking at the soon-to-be Sam Winchester, ghost hunter and tortured soul."
"You're kidding!" Sandy dropped the half a lemon she was in the middle of squeezing and threw herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him exuberantly. "You're gonna be a star! My star! Trust me; I know these things."
"Little witch!" Jared kissed her, moving over to set her down on the kitchen counter, his hands sliding up her thighs. He was zeroing in to take things further, when the phone rang once again.
"Hold that thought." Stepping back, Jared reached for the phone and checked the number, shrugging when it was one he didn't recognize. "Hello?"
"Is this Jared?" He could hear the deep voice of the man who had been his rival for the role of Sam Winchester, and he smiled. He'd liked Jensen.
"Yeah, it's me. Is this Jensen?" Jared's smile slipped then. He'd got the part, and he wasn't quite sure what to say to his ex-rival now. He opened his mouth to utter some hastily thought up platitude, but Jensen was already talking.
"Looks like we'll be working together," said the voice on the phone, laughing. "I'm gonna be your big brother. I got the part of Dean. Kripke said that you were gonna play Luke Skywalker, and I'd be Han Solo. Wanna celebrate?"
"Hey, man, that's very cool. I only just got the word a few minutes ago, so I don't know much more than that we go into pre-production on Monday and start shooting the week after." I've never been to Vancouver before. What's it like?"
"Not bad!" There was a laugh in Jensen's voice. "I'll show you round; it'll be good."
"Are you kidding?" Jared was beaming again. "It'll be great!"
Some weeks later found them sitting in Doolin's Bar on Granville Street, drinking Guinness (which Jared hated, but drank anyway, because Jensen had bought it for him) and watching soccer on the big screen as their ears were assailed by the latest in a string of Irish folk classics.
"So who drinks whiskey out of jars anyway?" asked Jared, setting his glass down on the table and looking plaintively at Jensen. Vancouver was proving to be somewhat of a culture shock, and this place rather more than some of what he'd seen already.
The city was pretty enough, with its backdrop of mountains, islands studding the bay, strung like pearls on a necklace of shimmering silver. Jared, used to the dust and heat of the south, found it chilly, although on the whole he approved of the clean streets and water everywhere he looked.
"Buncha hillbillies, I guess." Jensen's eyes crinkled in the already familiar smile. "Better to take it straight from the bottle if you ask me."
Setting his woolly hat firmly on his head, Jared laughed as he lounged back in his seat and sank the rest of his pint of Guinness. When Jensen asked if he wanted another, he bit his lip, pondering how best to decline without offending for a moment before refusing.
"Gotta get up in the morning, dude." Jared shook his head, vowing that the next time they went out drinking, there would be no Guinness on the menu.
"Yeah? You tanning? They told me I was too pale, bitches." Jensen shrugged. Jared was used to the passionless inventory of his shortcomings by now. He didn't like it much, but in their trade one had to accept it without question, because accepting meant that one didn't have to dwell on the fact that actors were bought and sold like sides of meat.
"Nah, but they want me to work on the abs. Apparently they want me next to naked in a couple of weeks, and I have to be ripped and toned in order that all the nubiles don't change channel at the sight of my flab." Jared shared a rueful look at his co-star. "One of these days you and I won't have to do all of this pandering. I bet Johnny Depp never has to work on his fucking abs."
"Yeah. I've got the obligatory bedroom scene coming up, too. I was in the gym at four this morning, trying to get some tone into my muscles. Man, I miss sleep! Still, I suppose there're compensations," murmured Jensen, smiling affectionately and rising to his feet. "We're gonna play street hockey tomorrow with the lighting dudes. Kim's drawn up a league table. I figure that'll be fun."
"Oh, yeah," murmured Jared, dimples peeking as he grinned wickedly. "You got your team sorted out? You know he's got an award for the winning team?"
"I saw." Jensen laughed as they made their way out of the pub. "It's a freakin' chamber pot. He bought it at some auction or other." He cast a surreptitious glance over at Jared, who was laughing again. "And it shall be mine. Don't even think you guys are going to win it."
So it went for the first part of Season One. The two actors became fast friends, and if Jared had developed a little crush on Jensen, it didn't interfere with their relationship. Sandy found it amusing, and Jensen appeared oblivious.
They became used to each other, and Jensen joked that they were becoming a staid old married couple. Privately, Jared thought that they were right, and he really didn't want to examine that thought too closely. He was happy, and all he did when Jensen expressed the thought was to pop more candy and reply that old married couples didn't have porn star girlfriends like some people did.
Once they got to bickering about Joanna, the subject had successfully been changed, and the source of his discomfort was forgotten.
So it went, right up until the first break. Jensen was flying straight back to Dallas to spend Christmas with his folks, and Jared was heading down to LA first to pick up Sandy prior to his Christmas visit back home in San Antonio. When he waved goodbye to Jensen, with strict instructions not to open the present he'd so lovingly wrapped until Christmas Day, he was astonished at the empty feeling that swept him. He was heading down to the sunshine for some R and R with his sweetie, and no way should he be experiencing this sensation of loss. They'd be back together again come January, and Jared clung to that thought as he made his way to his own plane.
Jensen's gift to him was a pair of hand made cowboy boots, and they delighted him. He insisted on wearing them at all times thereafter, until his sister embarrassed him utterly by asked Sandy if he slept with them on. He'd had trouble finding a suitable gift for Jensen, and wound up buying him an iPod to replace the dumb Discman his co-star wore everywhere, feeling it was his duty to drag Jensen screaming into the 21st Century.
Christmas dragged, although nothing had changed from the Christmases of his youth. Jared drank eggnog, caught up with his brother and sister, squired Sandy around for last minute shopping and showed her the tree he'd fallen out of and broken his collar bone when he was twelve. It was not enough.
He felt doubly dejected when he'd waved goodbye to Sandy on the morning of the 27th. She had an audition later that day, and he was suddenly alone, back in his home, feeling as if nothing had changed, and that Supernatural and Jensen were in his imagination.
It was December 28th, and one of his cousins was getting married over in Dallas. Jared hadn't intended to go to the wedding, but his sister had dragged him along, so he'd put on his Sunday best – clothing he never wore except when being dragged to some family function or one of the few network parties he couldn't manage to wriggle out of – and gone, protesting only a little, because it was Megan, and he didn't really see enough of her these days.
They arrived in Dallas late, because of traffic, and missed the ceremony completely, much to Megan's dismay. The hall where the reception was taking place had been decorated for the wedding, with tons of trailing organza and ribbon, a rustic arch twined with silver bells and ribbons, and a plethora of white roses. Sitting within it, framed by the arch and dressed in white lace, the bride was doing body shots.
"Jeeze," said Jared, slightly scandalized. "I sure hope that's the groom." He watched, fascinated as a blond guy in a tux licked salt from her bare, plump shoulder prior to downing a tequila.
"Course it is." Megan smirked at Jared's shocked expression. "Duh!"
Jared gave her a dirty look and turned to survey the rest of the room. That was his downfall. Out on the floor there was a dance going on, and one dancer in particular caught his eye, tall, elegant, graceful, cowboy hat tilted rakishly over one eye, body moving sinuously as he two-stepped with a middle-aged matron in peach-colored silk.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Jared reached to clutch Megan's shoulder as if shocked, and he smiled his impossibly wide smile, dimples quivering as he watched. All of a sudden he was glad he'd come. He flashed his most seraphic smile at his sister and then turned back to his study of the dancers, an entirely different quality to the grin he was wearing.
They'd broken for Christmas hiatus and gone their separate ways, and Jared hadn't thought he'd see his co-star again ‘til their return to Vancouver in January. And yet there he was, Jensen himself, cowboy boots and western shirt and a fucking bolo tie, making nice with the mother of the bride. ,Jared could feel something low down tighten in him, flooding him through with the kind of heat that would need serious help to cool down. Sauntering down the steps towards the dancing, he threaded his way through to stand behind Jensen.
With a grin and a wink to the lady in peach, he raised his brows. "Pardon me, ma'am, may I cut in?" just as Jensen was twirling her. She laughed and stepped back, and it was the easiest thing in the world to take hold of Jensen's outstretched hand and pull him around into his arms, where he froze with a spluttered, "What the…"
"Good to see you too, dude," said Jared, shit-eating grin wide, splitting his face the way you never saw Sam Winchester's. "How was Christmas?"
"Awesome," murmured Jensen, getting over his astonishment and grinning back. "They keep on feeding me, the bastards. I may have to go on a diet before I can start filming again." Jensen punched Jared's shoulder, hugged him, then grabbed his arm to tow him over to the bar. "Come on and get liquored up with me, man. You look altogether too sober for this kind of function! You need alcohol."
"Tool of the devil!" said Jared, still grinning. "Make mine a double."
Bearing their drinks over to one of the tables, the two men settled, ready to swap vacation stories. The familiar sight of Jensen playing with the neck of his longneck was swiftly rendering Jared incoherent. It had been four weeks since they'd wrapped, and he'd succeeded in getting his libido back under his control, memories of those plush lips only surfacing every five minutes or so instead of constantly. Eyes fixed on the juncture of lip to bottle-neck, Jared could feel himself growing foolish all over again, groin tightening against his underwear.
"So, what've you been doing, Jare?" Gettin' your beauty rest?" The sinfully lush lower lip curled around the words, glistening from the contact with his bottle, and Jared sought refuge in his own drink, unconsciously mirroring Jensen's actions as he tilted his head back to drink.
"Hey, I'm beautiful enough already; don't want to get any prettier or the fangirls will start exploding." He flashed a smirk in Jensen's direction and was rewarded with a grin and his co-star's fingers pointed at him as though to shoot. "Time enough to sleep when I'm dead, you know."
"Man, it's good to see you." Jensen was suddenly serious, leaning forward with a sweet, guileless smile. "You gonna stick around for New Year's? We could get into some trouble." His fingers touched Jared's, sending a sudden jolt through him. He realized suddenly how much he wanted – needed – this, to be with Jensen, able to watch him, touch him, just be with him in the way that they'd grown used to, up in Vancouver. Still, there was no way he was going to let Jensen think he was desperate. He was so not going to turn into Jensen's bitch – or no more than he already was, anyway. "So how long have you been in Richardson?" he asked, his expression suddenly shy.
"Since we went on hiatus, why?" Jensen looked vaguely unhappy, as if he thought Jared would turn him down.
"I just got home late Christmas Eve, and mama's gonna tear me a new one, if I suddenly take off before she gets the chance to check that I've washed behind my ears." He raised his brows, inviting agreement. They'd swapped family stories, and he knew that Jensen understood how moms can be, none better. When Jensen nodded, he continued, noting his friend's crestfallen expression with a little surge of joy that flickered through his nether regions. "So what I'm sayin' is why'nt you come back with me an' check out San Antone? You know you want to!"
Jensen gave a shout of laughter, punched Jared's arm and raised his bottle in salute. "Works for me, dude. I'm on my seventh tier of relatives now. Time to raise a little hell, before we're back to the 16 hour days, and I'm too tired to get it up."
"See, that's what I'm sayin'." Jared felt a flood of excitement warm him. "So you'll come? Look, I've got my boots on!" As random as ever, he bent and tugged at the hem of his pants, displaying Jensen's gift.
"Count on it." The expression in Jensen's eyes wasn't easy to fathom – a little bit gleeful, a little bit apprehensive, and a whole lot dark and dirty. Jared raised his own eyebrows, inviting comment, but Jensen said nothing further, and as he rose to fetch them more drinks, the moment was gone.
"I didn't know you knew all of that shit."
It was later, much later, and the two men had returned to Jensen's family home to collect his stuff. Sprawled out on Jensen's bed, Jared watched as the owner of the room moved around, slowly assembling clothing, toiletries and the other things he'd need for a trip. They'd already arranged that Jared would stay overnight at Jensen's, while Megan went off with their cousins to hang out for a day or so as had been arranged originally. Jared and Jensen intended to drive back to San Antonio in the morning, but for now the entire length of Jared Padalecki had taken up residence on Jensen's duvet, making it look very unlikely that there would be space for its rightful owner that evening.
"All what shit?" The question was abstracted. Jensen was busy sifting through stacks of tattered T-shirts, trying to find garments that didn't look as if they'd reached the span of their usefulness.
"Line dancing and two-stepping and shit." Jared's smile was a thing of silken mockery as he rolled to inspect a garment that might once have been a Mavs T-shirt. "Are you auditioning for a part as some homeless person? Why are you feeling this need to disguise yourself in rags and tatters?"
"Are you saying you don't love my wardrobe?" asked Jensen, tossing the offending article in the direction of his trash basket and missing completely.
"I'm saying that you're gonna need to work hard to bring your sartorial elegance up into line with mine," smirked Jared, dimples deep as he prepared to engulf another handful of gummy worms.
"Oh, why don't you bite my glorious, golden ass?" There was annoyance laced with the amusement in Jensen's eyes. "I actually own a suit. Hell, I even own a fucking tux. Beat that, Hillbilly Jim."
"Hey, I have a suit too!" The protest sounded childish even to him, but Jensen had that kind of effect on him. The gleam of amusement from Jensen showed him that his co-star had caught the petulance in his tone.
"It's okay, Princess, I'll bring my sparkly dress and my tiara for you," was the answer, and, for once, Jared was wise enough to stay quiet.
The iPod made its appearance that evening. They'd been fed as much barbecue as they could hold by Jensen's mom, who had received Jared with open arms. "I hear so much about you from Jensen," she had said, giving Jared a warm, fuzzy feeling low down in his stomach.
"We're good buddies," he'd replied, ducking his head and accepting yet another piece of the pecan pie laced with bourbon from her. "And I may never leave here again. This pie is amazing."
Jensen had been watching him, eyes round with astonishment at the way Jared ate, as if he wasn't already intimately acquainted with Jared's appetite. His mother had laughed and blushed and told him to stay as long as he liked, because it was great to have someone around that appreciated her cooking. Shortly after that, they'd taken coffee out to the back deck to sit and watch the evening, full of brisket and smoked ham, not to mention all the side dishes that went with that.
They'd settled down, content to sit without speaking, and after a while, Jensen had pulled out the iPod Jared had given him and elbowed him, smiling softly. "Thanks for this, Jay. I was thinking of getting one, but somehow I didn't get around to it. It's exactly what I wanted."
And the blush that colored Jared's cheeks at that was mercifully hidden by the twilight.
The final day of 2006 was full of activity. Jared had taken Jensen around on a whirlwind trip of old friends, relatives and favorite places. Everywhere they went, they were offered drinks, and by four in the afternoon, both boys were rollicking drunk.
"Dude, we need to slow down, or we'll never make it to midnight." Jensen was flushed and laughing as he spoke. Jared looked at him and felt his body tighten, a warmth pooling in the depths of his belly that tingled in his groin. Jensen looked stunning, his eyes wide and faintly unfocused and his lips parted to show the gleam of perfect teeth.
They'd just left the home of one of Jared's school friends, and were making their way back towards Jared's car. Jared knew that he shouldn't be driving. His head was fuzzy, and his body loose and warm from the alcohol they'd consumed.
"We'd likely better walk back," agreed Jared. "Don' wanna do anythin' foolish."
Nodding, Jensen bumped his shoulder against Jared and fell into step with him. "Dude, I think I'm reaching capacity here. One more drink, and I'll crash to the ground in an alcohol induced coma."
"Yeah, me too." Jared had a thought and turned around. "I have an idea." He led Jensen back to the car and opened it. "It's okay. Don't wanna take it out on the highway, but there's a place…"
Frowning, Jensen climbed into the car. "Take it easy, dude. Don't think I'd like to see you in jail, especially if it's for killing me!"
Casting a dark glance at his co-star, Jared pulled the car away and set off. A short while later they were driving through a gate onto a track that was rutted and partly overgrown. "I used to come here," said Jared. "I'm letting you into one of the great secrets of my life."
The pathway threaded through a field and down a hill towards a bank of trees. Parking under one of them, Jared turned off the engine and turned to look at Jensen. Jensen had almost fallen asleep, and his lips were parted, thick lashes fluttering over sun-dusted cheeks as he lolled back against the door of the car. "C'mon, dude."
There was a drowsy grumble from Jensen's location, but he did finally stir and step out of the car, pausing to stretch himself so that his belly was momentarily visible below the edge of the white linen shirt he was wearing. Jared stood watching this maneuver, and he felt odd, tight in his own skin as he turned to lead Jensen through the trees to his secret place.
His breathing had shortened, and he felt ominously as though he would burst. Even though he was no longer looking at Jensen, he was somehow aware of where the man was standing, and his co-star's physical presence was making him shiver although the sun shone on as brightly as usual.
"Jensen, you with me?" The mumbled affirmative flickered along Jared's veins like a drug, making him shudder, and he began to walk, pushing through the undergrowth between the trees, just so that his confusion wouldn't be visible to the other man.
It was plain that the pathway hadn't been traveled recently. Thorns snagged at Jared's jeans, and Jensen muttered something about their chances of survival when the tiger lurking in this fucking jungle woke up and got them.
"Don't be such a pussy. We're nearly there," snapped Jared, suddenly feeling pissy. It was true. He pushed through the tangle of brush and weeds to the little oasis he knew existed behind it.
A stream ran through a rocky culvert and down over tumbled rocks to a pool before flowing on through the trees. Jared stopped and inhaled, taking in the suddenly moist air. Jensen had come to a halt immediately behind him, but couldn't see around him, so he pushed at him, hands splayed on Jared's back.
Belatedly moving forward, Jared allowed Jensen to come out into the clearing. Jensen turned, mouth open in surprise at the sight of the little oasis. "Wow," he said, his voice low. "Jay, this is really nice."
"This is where I lost my virginity," smirked Jared. "Me and Caroline Connors, after the junior prom." He made his way down towards the pool and sat down on a patch of fragrant thyme, reaching to take off his sneakers so that he could plunge his feet into the water. After a moment, Jensen followed.
"Caroline Connors, huh?" Jensen raised an eyebrow, his teasing smile sending tingles through Jared.
"Yup." Jared lounged back on his elbows, head back and eyes closed as he considered the encounter. "Wasn't really much fun for either of us. We really didn't know what the hell we were doing."
"And you do now?" There was a note in Jensen's voice that sent flickers of lust along Jared's veins. He opened his eyes, turning to look at Jensen with a little frown on his face, just as Jensen leaned in, slid one warm palm around his cheek and kissed him.
As kisses went, it wasn't so much, a mere brushing of lip against lip, but the touch of Jensen's mouth sent a jolt of lust through Jared's belly that galvanized his cock. He gasped, and Jensen released him, drawing back with a half smile on his face.
"Dude?" Jared sounded out of breath, which was stupid really. Jensen said nothing, merely sat there with that same smile, looking at Jared, and Jared couldn't stop himself. He launched himself at his co-star, pressing him back as he wound one hand into Jensen's shirt and ran the other around the back of his neck, then fixed his mouth to Jensen's with a moan.
For a while there was no possibility of speech. Jared had rolled to cover Jensen, and was kissing him, sucking, licking, biting as he mauled the soft lips the way he'd wanted to since they'd first met.
Jensen's hands had come up to cup Jared's cheek and wind into the shaggy mop of his hair, and it was impossible to tell which of the two was more enthusiastic about the contact. They seemed content at present just to kiss, exploring each other's mouths, their hands employed only in holding them together so that they could lie, lips pressed to each other as they learned their taste and texture.
It was some time later that Jared pulled away and studied Jensen's features as he lay beneath him. Jensen's eyes were heavy lidded and dazed looking, and his mouth was kiss-plumped. Jared gazed down at him in something like wonder. "Jen?" he whispered.
"You gonna show me how you and whatsername got it on?" asked Jensen, extending a single forefinger to drag down over Jared's face from brow to chin, tracing the strong line of his profile. "Would be kind of nice."
Tongue tied in a way that was most unusual for him, Jared gave a little, strangled moan and placed his hands against Jensen's cheeks and bent to lick his way into his mouth all over again. He was drunk, he knew that, but he also knew that whatever they did here and now would follow them back to Vancouver, follow them throughout whatever future relationship they might have. He wondered suddenly what he'd done.
"Dude," he murmured softly. "Do you think it's a good idea?"
"Hell, no." Jensen laughed softly. "But I think that if we don't, I'm likely to explode with a bang." He was unfastening the buttons on his own shirt as he spoke, pulling it open to expose his chest, golden brown and lightly freckled in the dappled light of the late afternoon. As Jared watched, Jensen turned his attention to Jared's T-shirt, sliding his fingers up under it until he could push it up. "Lift up," he whispered, slipping it over Jared's head as Jared raised his arms.
Jared felt as if his tongue was too big for his mouth. He couldn't take his eyes off Jensen. All thoughts of Sandy had gone from his mind to be replaced by mental images of Jensen's face as it was right now, desire-filled and intent on escalating their encounter.
"Jensen?" Jared tried again, wanting to make sure that what they were doing wouldn't rebound on them. "Have you ever…?"
"Shhh… It's okay." Jensen's fingers had strayed down to Jared's belt, deftly unhooking the buckle so that he could get to the fasteners of his jeans. With a shuddering sigh, Jared gave in to temptation, reaching for Jensen's fly and fumbling it open so that he could press his pants down over his hips.
Writhing to rid himself of his pants, Jared scrabbled at Jensen's, wanting nothing more than to see him naked, spread out against the soft ground. He clambered to his knees, reaching to tug off Jensen's pants and then prompting Jensen to lose the shirt that was still clinging to his shoulders.
"God, Jen," he whispered. Jensen gave a little, choked laugh in answer and pulled him down so that they lay chest to chest, skin to skin and hard, hot erections pressing into each other.
"Shut up and do it." Jensen's voice was hoarse, unsteady, wanting this, wanting it now, knowing that Jared was just as likely to start babbling as he was to make love to him. Jensen's hands were trembling as he gripped Jared's biceps and pushed him back so he could drink him in. Jared was well built. Jensen knew he'd been trying to add more muscle to his rangy frame, and thought his endeavors were coming along nicely. It gave him a tingling thrill as he stroked down over Jared's shoulders to his chest, lips pursed in approval.
Suddenly, Jared laughed. "Looks like those hours working out were all worth it," he murmured. Bending, he closed his eyes and began to kiss Jensen all over again, hands roaming, sliding over Jensen's body as he learned the contours of it.
Neither man seemed anxious to escalate the encounter at first, and they rolled from side to side, bodies sliding easy against each other. Jensen wrapped one muscular leg around Jared's hips, pulling him in tight against the warmth of his belly and pressing their cocks between them. Jared gasped and bucked, and suddenly it was about sex rather than tenderness. The two of them rutted against each other, sweat starting to stand out on their skin.
It didn't take long. There was a moment when Jensen pulled back, face set in a snarl, eyes tightly closed as he shuddered his way to a climax. Jared felt the hot spill against his belly and followed him down, white teeth sunk into his lip as he gave it up and let his own juices spurt to mix with Jensen's.
They may have slept a little then, lying in a loosely sprawled tangle of arms and legs. The evening sun was still hot enough to be comfortable, and they were both physically and emotionally exhausted.
Waking sometime later, Jared, sticky and sweaty, paused for a moment to gaze down at Jensen's sleeping form. Bemused, he felt again the stab of desire that the sight of him evoked. Slipping into the pool with an initial gasp at the temperature of it, he allowed the water to carry away the traces of sweat and semen that covered him.
When Jensen woke a few moments later, Jared was floating happily around in the water, body gleaming in the dying embers of the day.
"Come on in!" The words were accompanied by an arc of water that spattered over Jensen, making him jump.
"Jeez!" Jensen's deep voice heralded his arrival in the pool, and the fight was on as Jared found himself dunked.
They'd cleaned themselves up, and were laughing as they splashed each other and played around in the cool water. Jared looked at his new lover, head back as he laughed, water glistening from his eyelashes and standing out in diamond droplets on his chest and face, and couldn't help himself. Wading close, he slipped his arms around Jensen and pulled him in to glue their lips together in a long, passionate expression of his feelings. As they stood together in the shallow pool, Jared's phone began to ring.
At once, the real world intruded, and the two of them looked at each other wordlessly, then clambered onto dry land to carry on with life.
New Year passed by in a blur, and it wasn't long before they were back in Vancouver, plunging themselves into their roles again and falling back into the pattern they'd had of getting together to play video games, watch televised matches and generally horse around. They developed their camaraderie until it became a watertight union, The J's versus the world, and a force to be reckoned with.
They spent their days playing Dean and Sam, and their evenings – such as they were – hanging out. Jensen had fallen heavily for Jared, and couldn't get enough of him. He knew that Jared had a girlfriend, but inside he kept hoping against hope that he'd eventually grow tired of her. He himself had ended things with Joanna shortly after he and Jared had become lovers, and hoped that Jared would do the same with Sandy.
He didn't. When Sandy started to come up to Vancouver for visits that lasted sometimes much longer than Jensen wanted, he began to ask Tania, who he'd liked a lot, to accompany him on double dates, just so that he didn't sit mooning over Jared. Sandy remained oblivious, but Tania soon realized what was happening, and Jared… well, Jared became jealous, although Jensen thought that he was the last person with a right to be that way.
The end of the first season came suddenly. The Impala was totaled, the brothers could possibly be dead, and both boys were on tenterhooks, wondering whether there would be a season two. When the call came, Jensen had just signed on to take part in a movie he'd had his eye on for a while, not wanting to sit and angst all summer. At the network's command, he hurriedly packed up and set off for New York and the Up-Fronts, knowing that they would want to show off their newly successful show.
He met Jared at the airport. It had only been a couple of weeks since they'd been together, but Jensen felt the familiar swoop and flutter somewhere down inside as he laid eyes on his tall, handsome co-star.
"Jen, you booked on the New York flight at ten?" Jared's beaming smile was warm, and Jensen felt as though the sun had pierced the clouds for the first time since they'd left Vancouver.
"Looks that way, dude." Jensen was finding it hard to talk around the smile that had spread over his features. "Didn't know you were coming too. Thought I was the poor sap elected to represent the show
"You bet I am. Didn't think I'd let you loose in the Big Apple without supervision, did you?" Jared slung one long arm over Jensen's shoulder and noogied him while Jensen protested ineffectually. The flutter of warmth in the pit of his belly made him bite his lip, but he smirked as he stepped back out of Jared's grasp.
"Shut up, bitch. It was the network deciding that you needed a childminder, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." Jared's smile was beatific. "They said you'd spoon feed me my wheaties and tuck me in at night. I want a bedtime story too, asshole." He gave Jensen a wide, beaming smile and bumped his shoulder into Jensen's. "Besides, I got us tickets. Spurs are playing Mavs tomorrow. Don't tell me you didn't know."
"Sandy coming?" Jensen held his breath as he waited for Jared's response.
"Nah, dude. She's busy right now – some music video she's doing." Jared didn't sound too concerned, and Jensen felt the heat flood him. The week would be just the two of them, and all of a sudden he was no longer viewing it with dread. He'd have this, he thought, and that would be the end of it. He couldn't share, because it hurt too much, and he'd just have to learn to be without Jared.
But first, he'd have this.
Back in Vancouver again at the height of the Canadian summer, Jensen Ackles, fresh from a summer of filming a cute indie project and getting laid, set eyes on Jared Padalecki again, felt that old, familiar longing, but thought that perhaps he could do this. Daneel had filled his senses throughout the summer, and he'd welcomed the diversion.
When Jared greeted him in his usual exuberant fashion, arms tight around him and one leg hooking his hip, he bit his lip and smiled. He pictured Daneel, pretty, and smiling and laid out for his touch, and didn't roll his face into Jared's neck to inhale the scent of him.
It was almost enough.
Towards the end of their first day back, Jensen was about to change out of the scrubs Dean had been wearing, when Jared tapped on the door.
"Dude, I missed you." He closed the door behind him and flopped down on Jensen's couch, completely sure of his welcome.
"Yeah, me too." Jensen turned away to change, suddenly self conscious.
"You want to get together later?" Jared craned his neck, following Jensen's progress. "You and me and a case of Corona? I'll even buy a lime."
"We can get together, sure." Jensen pursed his lips, trying to decide whether or not he could handle a night drinking beer with Jared. Coming to a decision, he fixed Jared with a stern, green-eyed stare. "But you an' me, we can't…" He swallowed. Daneel rose up behind his eyes, protective charm, smiling as she beckoned.
"Jensen?" Jared looked up at him from his position on the couch, a little crease between his eyes signifying his concern.
"I'm in a relationship, Jay. You are, too. We can't be knocking boots any more. It would be wrong." Jensen studied the back of his hands as he spoke, unable to look at his co-star as he delivered the words.
"Wrong?" Jared frowned for a moment, then his face cleared and his smile, blinding as sunrise, wreathed his features. "You love her?"
Nodding, Jensen let Jared believe that, knowing that it was a lie, but that it was the surest way of protecting himself that he could devise.
"That's so cool." Jared, being the impulsive creature he was, leapt to hug Jensen, giving him the blessing that Jensen sought, and tearing Jensen's heart in two as he did so.
The second season progressed, and the two men resumed their friendship. For Jensen it was always bittersweet to get together with Jared, but he couldn't bear to back off, and he told himself that the pain caused by his feelings for Jared didn't exist.
He continued to date Daneel, using her as a buffer between himself and Jared. Mostly, it worked.
The summer came and went, and Daneel was his lucky charm as he headed out to Japan and then England, and finally Dallas. He began to think that he was going to be able to get over Jared at last.
Reconvening for season three was overshadowed by the possibility of a writers' strike, and everything seemed too bright, too frenetic, too emotional.
Dean was bound for hell, and Jensen thought that he was probably going to follow him down into the pit. Daneel, his lucky charm, was ceasing to be effective, and Jensen's nights were filled with dreams of Jared. He was beginning to think that he was doomed.
For Jensen, the end came the day after their return from Chicago.
They'd been to the first Creation Convention devoted to Supernatural. It had actually been fun, despite the fact that Jensen had been plagued with a cold all weekend. He and Jared had somehow seemed to fall back into the relationship they'd had back in season one, and despite the fact that Sandy and Daneel had been around during the convention, it had been really easy to sit too close, to bask in the warmth of Jared's smile.
On the plane on the way back to Vancouver, Jared had leaned over and kissed Jensen, breathed out a soft, "I love you, Jen," and Jensen had opened his mouth under Jared's, returning the kiss as easy as breathing.
They went back to Jensen's apartment, arriving in the late afternoon, and as the cab dumped them out onto Richards Street in the fading light, Jensen felt as if this was their first time all over again. They managed to stay discreet, walked shoulder to shoulder until the front door was closed.
The sound of the lock snicking home had been the cue. Jared had been slightly in front as they'd entered the apartment, and as Jensen followed him in, he turned, backtracking to step in and crowd Jensen up against the smooth surface of the door. His face was solemn as he lifted his hand and cupped Jensen's cheek.
Jared loved him. Jensen had been repeating that in his mind since Jared's soft declaration, somewhere over North Dakota. It was so easy to wrap those four little words around himself and lose himself. Jensen forgot Daneel, let down his defenses and opened himself to Jared.
"Missed you, Jen..." Green eyes met hazel, and the connection between them flared in a way Jensen had avoided for the past eighteen months. The warmth in his belly crackled into heat, igniting into flames until the flashpoint made him gasp. It was Jared – had always been Jared. Jensen felt the artifices strip away from him as he lost himself in that gaze.
Jared was radiating heat too. Jensen could feel it, despite the fact that as yet the only place where they were touching was Jared's flat palm to his cheek. Time slowed, and Jensen shivered as he gazed up at Jared.
Jared took his time. His eyes held Jensen's, and he lowered his head slowly, slowly as his thumb caressed, skimming over Jensen's cheekbone as if to gentle him.
Then they were mouth to mouth, and still it was gentle, sweet and tentative as they learned each other all over again. Jensen gasped, reached up and slid his fingers into the shock of Jared's hair, winding them through it as if he would never again let go. He let his lips part, deepened the kiss until he could taste Jared, slick and wet and perfect as his eyes drifted closed.
Jared pressed in at last, arm snug around him, pulling their bodies tight together, jerking Jensen against him as if afraid he might cut and run.
It was a long time before either of them came up for air. When they finally separated for a moment, Jensen wordlessly pushed Jared back, moaning a little at the loss of contact and took his hand, pulling him along the hall to his bedroom.
The bedroom was dark, the only light there was filtering from a streetlamp a little further down the block. Jensen wanted to ask Jared not to hurt him, but he couldn't find the words, and in the end, all he said was, "Want you."
Jared didn't answer, he merely proceeded to take Jensen apart, body from soul, with his lips, his tongue and his clever fingers.
Jensen felt as though he were drowning in the warmth and feel of Jared's body pressed tight to his. He could feel Jared's cock hard against his own, and reached down to squeeze the two together, eliciting a soft moan that brought an answering moan from Jensen's lips. Now that he'd stopped resisting, Jensen clung to him as if he knew this couldn't last, whispering silly things to him, telling him how much he wanted him, wanted this. The floodgates were open, and suddenly Jensen couldn't shut up, babbling about how much he needed Jared between great, greedy kisses.
Jared reciprocated, returning again and again to Jensen's full lips, nibbling the lower, sucking them as they kissed, until Jensen forgot caution in the haze of desire.
Long, clever fingers slid under the shirt Jensen still wore and scraped over his nipples, rolling them between finger and thumb. Coils of lust flickered from his chest down to his balls, and he rapidly lost the ability to rub two thoughts together. All thoughts were summed up by "More, need more, now!"
Grunting into Jared's mouth as he drew the lightning down his body, Jensen fumbled with shaky hands to tear open the jeans Jared was wearing, pushing them down til he could feel the satin smoothness of the skin covering his cock. It was smooth as it slid over the hard shaft beneath his urgent fingers. It wasn't enough.
Tearing himself from Jared's devouring mouth, Jensen began to work his way down to the center of his lover's long, strong body, leaving a wet trail of gentle kisses in his wake. He shuddered as Jared threw his head back, gasping as Jensen took hold of his cock and bent his head to lick along the shaft. There was a bubbling tingle under the skin of it that he could feel through his fingers as he did so, evidence that a thrill had followed Jensen's tongue, and a droplet of clear liquid slowly pearled at the tip.
He lapped around the head of Jared's cock, eyes closed at first to savor the sensation, then open wide to drink in the sight of him. He shivered again at the sight of Jared's face, contorted in pleasure/pain. Mouthing the head of it, Jensen wondered if it was even possible to get the whole thing into his mouth. Jared's hips were working frantically, despite hard fingers pressing him down. Jensen dove down to take in as much of him as possible and was rewarded with a hissing sigh. He sucked, lashing his tongue over the thick vein as his fingers crept between his legs to part his cheeks. Feeling for the sensitive opening there, he wet his fingers with saliva and probed until he felt the muscle give way. His finger slid into Jared, right into him, making him cry out and grab Jensen's hair as he thrust upwards into his mouth.
His eyes were closed the way Jensen had been picturing them every time he'd tried to sleep; the look of blind ecstasy on his face told Jensen that he was getting it right. Jared started to jerk helplessly, and Jensen wondered if Sandy did this for him.
"C'mon, Jay, Give it to me!" Jensen pressed his finger in deep, angling back for that sweet spot he knew would feel so good, and Jared cries out, bucking. Jensen sucked hard, and Jared tightened, pushing his head down on his cock, thrusting up until Jensen almost couldn't breathe. He thrust again, and again, and suddenly Jensen's mouth filled with the taste of him, sharp, warm, acrid, his.
Jensen rolled onto his back, heart pounding and his own cock tingling as he reached to pull it out of his clothing. Jared reached down and tugged on his shoulder, insistent.
"We're not done yet, Jen. Come on back up here to me." His hand in Jensen's hair pulled him, and Jensen clambered up to his knees to shuck his shirt and push his jeans down, then crawled upwards to lay partly covering Jared, while Jared ran his hands over him, sliding across his back and down to his butt.
Taking Jared's face between his two hands, Jensen studied it, learning it all over again. Jared's tip-tilted eyes were hazy with the aftershocks of orgasm, and the tan, pirate's face was slack. Dropping his head, Jensen bent until his lips brushed the wide, clever mouth.
"We gotta get out of these clothes, Jen. I think my pants are cutting off my circulation. Wouldn't be surprised if I get gangrene and my legs drop off." There was a smile to accompany the words, and Jensen grinned, finished kicking off his jeans and turned his attention to getting Jared naked.
"That'd make you a dirty, low-down bum," he said, and Jared groaned, smacked him on the back of the head and then reached for him again, cupping his ass to pull him close.
Jensen was so hard that it hurt. He shuddered and groaned as there was some contact to his cock at last, and Jared snickered, then rolled them over until he was on top.
"Lube, dude. We need lube. Tell me where you keep the lube." Jensen waved towards the nightstand, and Jared raised himself up, broad shoulders rippling in the half-light, turning to fumble in the drawer for the small bottle.
Jensen had shivered as he'd moved away, but a second later he was back and they were kissing as if it were the only way they could breathe. Jared's hand found Jensen's cock at last, palm filled with lube, and Jen could feel the slippery sensation of that slick hand working him up and down. He was just about crying with the need to come when Jared pulled his mouth away and lifted up to get into position and sink himself down onto Jen's tingling shaft.
He hovered there, poised, impaled on Jensen's cock, his muscle clenching around the base of it. To Jensen, he felt like hot, wet silk. He felt like coming home. Jensen waited, rigid, knowing that if he moved it would be all over. His balls were just about turning themselves inside out, and the biggest orgasm in the world lay curled in the pit of his stomach, waiting for the slightest movement to set it off.
Jared waited, sweat sheening his skin, watching him closely, knowing the state he must be in. Jensen gazed up at him, thinking that the wide smile on his face looked cruel. Jared dropped his hands to caress Jensen's belly then leaned forward to pinch his nipples. Suddenly, as Jared moved on him, Jensen lost every voluntary response, and that waiting monster rampaged through his flesh, electric jolt, lightning bolt, pouring all that he was through his cock and out the end in a timeless, frantic, sizzling rush. Everything went dim, and all he could do was hold on tight to the sheet below him and concentrate on trying to breathe.
Jared laughed, gently, and dropped back down beside him to take him in his arms. At that moment, Jensen had no words. Still shaking, he could only touch Jared gently on the cheek as he gasped for air.
Recovered at last, they clung to each other, kissing, this time gently, a mute declaration of relief and love. Jensen felt Jay relax against him and opened his eyes to see that he was almost asleep. They'd been awake since around two am Vancouver time, due to their early morning appearance and the time difference, and it was obvious that they needed to sleep. Tomorrow would be long and tiring. Rolling to place Jared alongside him, Jensen watched Jay fall asleep and then followed him down.
The strike happened as they'd all known it would. They'd seen each other over Christmas, and then they'd been sent off on PR jaunts, Jensen to Australia and Jared to Europe. Arriving back into Vancouver to resume filming, Jared had greeted Jensen with a smile and a hug, and then they'd been plunged back into work as they tried to produce something that would make up for the short season.
It wasn't until late on the first Sunday morning they were back, when the two of them were sitting in Slickity Jim's, eating breakfast, that Jared finally met Jensen's eyes.
"Dude, I got engaged," he murmured, stuffing a forkful of eggs into his face.
At first the words didn't compute. Jensen frowned, looked up from his plate. "Excuse me?"
"Me and Sandy. We were in Paris, and I finally decided that it was time. I'm getting married." Jared looked so pleased with himself that Jensen wanted to punch him. The blood drained from his face. He'd really thought that he was winning.
"I… guess I'm happy for you," said Jensen, suddenly no longer hungry. "When's the happy day?"
"Not 'til summer 09," said Jared, oblivious to the pain he'd just inflicted. "Sandy will need time to get all the bride stuff together. Girls seem to think it's a big deal. They have to have dresses and shit. If you and I were getting married, we'd just go do it. You wouldn't want a fancy dress and a bunch of flowers, would you?"
Jensen's eyes widened. He rose to his feet, fumbling for his wallet, unable to bear the pain that lanced him. "Uh… guess not. You know me." He pulled out a couple of bills, dropped them on the table. "I… have to go, dude. I'll see you on set."
"No, Jensen, wait." Jared reached to grab his arm. "This doesn't mean anything between you and me has to change. Sandy knows. She's cool with us."
"You're kidding me." Jensen didn't sit down. "Marriage is different, man. It's a commitment."
"But I love you." Jared looked like a small boy, eyes wide and hurt. For once they had no effect on Jensen.
"Yeah? And I love you too, but I think we're done. You've made your choice. I'll see you on set."
And turning, Jensen walked away, leaving Jared sitting, open mouthed, for once without any words to argue with.
The rest of the season went well. The emotion Jensen was able to pour into Dean as his time fell due helped him set aside the feeling that he'd lost everything, and he was able to greet Jared each day with something like his old friendship. The need to be around Jared was intense, and he knew that it was killing him, turning him from his usual happy self into an angry, whining man he almost didn't recognize.
Taking stock of his situation, he decided to go cold turkey. He canceled the appearance the two of them were due to make together in Dallas and signed on for a movie that would take him out of Jared's immediate zone.
He had the summer to get over him, and he would do it.
If he didn't, well, he was an actor; he'd fake it. That's what he did, and that would be his life from here on.
Sequel: Take My Breath Away
Rockferry, by Duffy
I'd move to Rockferry, tomorrow,
and I'd build my house, baby, with sorrow,
I'll leave my shadow, to fall behind,
And I wouldn't write to you, 'coz I'm not that kind.
The midnight trains are boarding, all at the ends,
I'll pack my load and I'll fill my trunk before it's too late,
I leave the stars to judge my every move,
I'm not going to think of you or I'll get the blues.
There's no sleep on the journey, away from town,
A bag of songs and a heavy heart, won't make me doubt,
I give it all my strength and my mind,
I'll make this decision, win all the fights,
I'll move to Rockferry, tomorrow
And I'll build my house, baby, with sorrow,
I'll leave my shadow, To fall behind,
And I won't write to you, coz I'm not that kind.