Author's Notes:This very strange thing was created on IRC by Starfish, Dr. Ruthless, and Sebastian. The names have been changed, blah,blah,blah...We know they're not ours, but look how much fun they'd have if they were!
Rated/Warning: A Silly smut and some puns. M/M sex. Oh, and inappropriate use of office furniture...kids, don't try this at home...heh.
Fox Mulder stared at his computer screen. Why did the darn thing always have to freeze up in the middle of a download? All he wanted was one more file...
* Sebastian wonders... and?
Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him. He slowly looked over his shoulder, to see in the shadows of his office...
[Sebastian] Deb, crouching in the corner, holding a huge mollusk.
[Sue] A mollusk?
[Sebastian] why not?
[Sue] They're squishy.
[Sebastian] not bivalves...
[Sue] And there's no canon for a mollusk.
[Sebastian] this is *original* dammit.
[starfish] Shoot it with something else then.
* Sue groans
[Sebastian] that's mean
[Sebastian] poor Deb.
* Sue fires at Debbie with her mollusk gun!
[starfish] I was being shellfish
[Sebastian] ok. Shoot her
[Sebastian] SHOOT HER NOW!!!
[Sue] I oyster have realized that
In the corner of his office, he sees a vague form in the shadows
[Sue] It's a 302...
[Sue] Signed by Skinner...
[starfish] No, it's wearing leather
[starfish] and very tight denim
[starfish] and a smile
[Sebastian] He advances, crushes it to him.
[Sue] One of those annoying smiles that mean he knows something you don't?
*** starfish is now known as Alex
*** Sue is now known as Mulder
"Downloading porn in the office again, Mulder? What would Scully say?"
[Sue] I like those...
"But, Krycek, the office is a fine place for porn. What else do I have to do these days?"
"Oh, don't get me started, Mulder."
"No, Krycek? And why would that be?"
"Because I could come up with quite a list of things we could do in your office..."
"Yeah? And what makes you think that you and I are a 'we', you son of a bitch?"
[Sebastian] The office waits with baited breath... it hasn't seen a lot of action, over the years....
"Maybe we're not 'we' now, but I bet I could change that pretty quickly."
[Sebastian] the office feels its paint curling in anticipation.
"No snappy comeback, Mulder? Then I guess you're just not interested in what I came here to show you..."
"Hah, dream on, you sleazy, scum-sucking rat-bastard. You think that you deserve any slack after what you did? And you think that I care what you want to show me?
"Which thing specifically? I'd give you a blanket apology, but I don't think you'd buy it. And yes, I think when you see what I've got, you'll care very much..."
"I'm not buying anything that you have for sale... Besides, you already sold out everything I care about."
"I've heard this song before, Mulder. Change the station."
"I've seen what you've got before, Krycek. Buy a whore!"
"Very nice talk. And why would I need one? I've got you..."
Mulder sighed. "You aren't going to go away, are you? So go on. Astonish me."
"No, you were right. I don't have anything of interest to you."
"You son of a bitch..." Mulder stood, fists balled, ready to throw a punch.
"Here we go again. Mulder, please think about this. One of these days I'm GOING to fight back, you know."
"Oh, sure, Krycek." Mulder walked forward into Krycek's space, and forced him back against the wall. "You being so tough and all?"
"I lived through a fucking prison sentence, didn't I? Made it out of Tunisia in one piece. Which ain't easy with one arm, I might add. So think again, Mulder. This might be the night you get your ass handed to you."
"You have an unhealthy preoccupation with my ass, Krycek. I've noticed that about you. So come on. Quit wasting my time and tell me what you came here to say." He didn't move away from Krycek's warmth, merely waited for the response to come.
Krycek reached his arm around to Mulder's ass and gave it a firm squeeze.
The unexpected touch made Mulder jump, push forward against the heat of Krycek's body, and he swore.
*Sebastian grumbles there is nothing unhealthy with a preoccupation with Mulder's ass
"What's wrong, Foxy?"
"Don't call me that."
"What would you prefer? I'm flexible..."
* Sue thinks that she is being mocked!
[starfish] Ignore the peasants, Sue...we are creating ART.
"Frankly, Krycek, you're not merely flexible, you're spineless. I don't know why I don't just kick your ass out of this office." He took a step away, shaking his head to try and rid it of unwanted images that were flashing through his mind like shooting stars.
"Oooh, who's preoccupied with asses now, hmmm?"
"You are what you eat, Krycek. Get on with it. I want to go home to my couch."
"I don't think your couch really appreciates you, Mulder. When was the last time it did this, for instance?" Krycek leaned forward slowly and kissed Mulder's half-open mouth.
[Sebastian] wow... my sofa isn't that responsive...
[starfish] mine either
He saw it coming, felt the inevitability of it like the sheer weight of guilt on his shoulders. He knew too that he wasn't going to fight, was merely going to take it, feel it, and spit with fury later that he needed it so badly. Mulder moaned.
Alex echoed his moan and pulled him closer.
This is not happening, Mulder thought. I'm not doing this. Even as he denied, he was reaching to pull Krycek against him once more, deepening the kiss.
This was it, Alex thought. Finally, really, it was happening. Alex's tongue invaded Mulder's mouth roughly, with all the heat he'd been saving for this moment.
Mulder suddenly experienced a moment of panic. What the hell was happening here?
Alex's world consisted of mouth against mouth, and all he could hear was his own breath as it rushed through his body.
* Sebastian cackles
Alex thought that in all his fantasies, he'd never thought it could be this good. Mulder was kissing him back, not fighting him.
*Sebastian sighs, and reaches for her camera.
It couldn't last forever. Finally, Mulder pulled away and gazed at Krycek, confusion on his face. "Is this what you came here for?"
"Well, no, Mulder. I'd break into your apartment for this, not the Hoover building. I wanted to tell you good bye. I have a ten am flight out of here tomorrow. Wanna see the ticket?"
That wasn't what Mulder had expected - or wanted -to hear. He gaped. "Where... where are you going?" he whispered.
"Well, it's like this - you know those old westerns where the hero says 'My work here is done'? That's how I feel, Mulder. I just need to get the hell out of Dodge. I figured I'd start in the Cayman Islands and see what happened." He had a crazy thought. "Mulder - come with me."
To leave it all behind? To go with Krycek and never look back? That was a thought that struck Mulder sudden and hard to make him thrill idiotically and buck against the firmness of Krycek's solid thighs. "Why? What would I do there?" he asked, more to seek reassurance that his voice still worked than for information.
"Well..." Krycek gave an evil chuckle. "I do have a few ideas on that subject - have you still got that red Speedo, Mulder?"
* Sebastian's eyes goggle while awaiting reply...
"I..." The question was so startling that all he could think to do was to answer it. "Of course. I swim every day."
"I remember that suit with great fondness, Mulder. Let's go to your place, grab that and anyhting else you need, and just go. It'll be fun. Trust me."
"Trust you?" Mulder paused, mouth close to Krycek's own. "That's hard to do. But I don't know..." His mouth grazed Krycek's, and he shivered.
"Please, Mulder. If you never believe anything else, believe this. I want you. If you couldn't already tell..."
"Oh, fuck. Why not. There's nothing left to keep me here."
Alex smiled and kissed Mulder deeply once more.
Burying his fingers in the short, feathery hair, Mulder sucked on the mouth of the man that he'd thought he hated.
Alex's finger were busy too, pulling Mulder's shirt out of his pants.
Mulder shivered beneath Krycek's touch
He started working lower then, undoing the button of Mulder's pants, then lowering the zipper.
"Krycek? What...?" He was twitchy, afraid of what was happening, but somehow it seemed fitting that his last ever night in this office be like this.
"Sorry, am I going too fast? You do realize what the phrase 'I want you' means, right?"
"That's just it. I don't know why you want me... what you want me for."
"Well, duh, Mulder. Sex. I'd have thought that was obvious to a well-trained, professional detective-type like you."
And there it was, front and center. No sidesteps, no hedging. Put up, or shut up, Agent Mulder. Shivering, he nodded, and then laid his head on Krycek's shoulder.
* Sebastian is turning blue in the face from holding her breath.
Alex lowered his head and looked at the floor. "Sorry, that wasn't what I really wanted to say. I wanted to say that I care about you, Mulder. I have done for a long time now. I just never thought we'd ever get to this point - never thought I'd need to tell you any of this."
Mulder couldn't speak, didn't know what to say, merely bucked into the fingers that were still on his zipper, wondering if he could do this. His soft moan was all the sound that he could manage.
"Mulder? I thought you wanted this too?"
Nodding was the most difficult thing that Mulder had ever done. When he finally looked into Alex's eyes, he felt drowned. "I... please'" was all he could manage.
"I just need to know you want me too, Mulder. We can work the rest of it out somehow. C'mere." And Alex's mouth once again claimed Mulder's.
Kissing was good - better than good really. Alex's fingers were touching, and Mulder gave himself up to what was happening. "Christen that goddamn desk?" he managed.
Alex grinned. "My pleasure. Top or bottom?"
* Sebastian decides she will play the desk.
[starfish] thank god somebody's still paying attention!
"Uh... what?" Mulder frowned. "On the top, of course. Here, let me move the papers and stuff." With a sweeping gesture he brushed everything onto the floor.
* Sebastian wonders was he considering the bottom of the desk...
* Alex reminds Sebastian of just how kinky he really is...
"Mulder, I'm getting a definite feeling you've never done this before. Correct me if I'm wrong..."
"You're laughing at me, aren't you?" Mulder frowned. "What makes you think I've never done it?"
* Sebastian drags Scully away from the door and locks her into the male bathroom
[Sebastian] one of her eyes looks very bloodshot
* Daenea peers over, what if Scully wants to watch too?
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm trying to make sure you know what you're getting into...so to speak. Mulder, when a guy asks you 'top or bottom', he's usually asking which position you'd prefer. Do you want to be the one bent over the desk, or the one doing the bending?"
* Sebastian tells Daenea that Scully is a nosey cow, and has spent plenty of time watching Skinner making out with the whole FBI Jazz ensemble, simultaneously.
[Sue] That's where the hair went? [g]
[Sebastian] he's been at it for years
[Sue] Whatever floats your boat..
[Sebastian] now, get back to business, Mulder. Alex asked top or bottom.
***Sebastian is now known as Alex
* Alex receives lube with thanks
"I... Hell, Krycek, I don't know. Which do I want to be?"
"Well, Mulder, you won't know unless you try both. I think both are fine...."
Alex looked a little worriedly at Mulder, and shrugs. He didn't want to hurt him, or scare him off, having got this far...
Mulder hung his head, uncertain. He wasn't sure now how to proceed.
Alex leaned in to kiss him again, and carefully undid the buttons of Mulder's shirt.
Mulder suffered the explorations with only a small amount of trepidation. He could do this, he hoped. He raised tentative hands to push Krycek's jacket off his shoulders.
Alex let his jacket slide down, caught it and threw it onto Scully's chair.
Without the jacket that was his armour, Krycek suddenly seemed to become more of a man and less like a force of nature. Mulder found the hem of the T-Shirt he wore, and ran his fingers beneath it to sample the smooth skin of the man's torso.
Alex raised his hand to stroke Mulder's cheek... a little rough, now... late in the day. "Beautiful... I've wanted you for so long, Mulder, but I couldn't say... But now, I'm going. Getting out of all this at last. I couldn't leave without seeing you. Telling you... "
Alex pulled Mulder's tie loose, threw it to the floor. Mulder's hands rested on him lightly, nervously.
"Why now, Alex?" The slip brought him up short. He hadn't thought of this man as Alex since they'd been partners. "I don't want to lose you."
The answer was immediate, involuntary. "You think I want to lose you?" Alex's hands cradled Mulder's head as he gazed into his eyes. "It was dangerous. Impossible. And I couldn't risk you rejecting me... I couldn't have carried on. But it's all over now. I am going for good. I had to take the chance."
Mulder lolled back on the desk, shirt open and pants undone to reveal the curls at his groin. "So show me what I need to know," he whispered, unsure of his next move
Alex reached to kiss Mulder's neck, nuzzling the warm skin, feeling the pulse quicken, then worked his way down to his firm chest. Mulder's heartbeat thudded against his lips.
The shirt had to come off. He glanced at the door... locked. He'd locked it earlier, he was sure...he slid his hands under the cloth, pushed the shirt back over Mulder's shoulders
Mulder gasped, offering himself wordlessly to the mouth that was tormenting him. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, merely whimpered as each piece of his flesh was offered to that mouth.
Mulder's torso was naked now, his trousers open, he looked so open, offering himself to Alex unconditionally. Alex trembled with need. He wanted to tear the rest of Mulder's clothes off, take him, possess him, but somehow he needed to be tender, too. It was frightening, but wonderful.
Mulder was quivering now, his penis straight and glistening above the elastic waistband of his shorts.
Alex ran his tongue over one of Mulder's nipples, excited to feel how hard it was, then slid to his knees to slide his tongue over the rosy tip of Mulder's cock. He took a firm grip on Mulder's pants and underwear, and pulled them down, as one. With a short struggle, they, and Mulder's footwear, were history.
Now he had proof that Mulder needed him as much as he needed Mulder. With a little smile, he took Mulder's cock in his hand and ran his tongue up the whole length of it.
Mulder felt lightning flickering in his groin, and a queer, fluttering sensation that threatened to take his breath completely from him. Naked now, and spread out on his own desk, Mulder waited, shivering, for whatever would come.
"No protests, Mulder? No accusations?" murmured Alex, punctuating his questions with little kisses along Mulder's shaft. He stood, pulled the agent to him, crushing his nakedness against his own clothed body. He felt powerful, at last. Dreamily, he kissed Mulder again. "Are you mine, Mulder? I want to make it so. I want you, so much."
"Alex...?" Mulder melted against him, unsure but willing. "Do it. I want... need." He risked a slight nip at Krycek's neck, and then pushed at the fabric of the T-shirt, protesting at it.
Alex's hands ran down Mulder's back, over his firm, rounded ass. "Take it off, Fox," he growled. This was taking too long, but Mulder seemed so.... timid. He stood back a little, put his hand over Mulder's and urged him to remove the garment.
Mulder watched his own hands lift the shirt, pulling it over Krycek's head to reveal beneath it tanned skin, scarred and war-torn. The artificial arm was a sudden intrusion as he saw Alex at last.,
Alex raised his brows. The moment of truth. He waited for the rejection. He didn't know if he'd accept it, if it came, he wanted Mulder so much. He hoped he'd have the restraint to leave, if he saw it, however. He gazed into Mulder's eyes, hoping...
Wonderingly, Mulder was cataloguing the scars on Alex's skin, fingers tracing each as he frowned over them. As he finally raised his eyes to meet the intense green of Krycek's own, he winced at the pain he could see in them. "I'm sorry it happened. So sorry."
Alex felt tears prick, to hear Mulder's words. He thought he'd got over all the anger and sorrow, but hearing that brought it on anew. Biting his lip, he grinned tightly. "So am I. But it's history now. And I didn't come here for a discussion of the past, Fox. It's now, and the future that I'm thinking of."
Mulder had moved on to examine the button on Krycek's pants, and despite trembling fingers he had now managed to unfasten them. Pleased with himself, he began to shove them down over Krycek's narrow hips with a small smile.
Alex reached out, stroked Mulder's flanks. "Good. Now we're getting somewhere. Maybe my boots, too, or we're going to end up with a tangle, love." He was tempted to stand and watch the gorgeous man make his slow way towards stripping him naked, the sight was so enthralling. Slim, lean muscles, tanned skin... Mulder was more than he'd ever dreamed. But maybe not. This was an office after all... and they could be interrupted.
The situation was completely outside of Mulder's experience. Applying his concentration to the task in hand, Mulder dropped to his knees and began to take Krycek's boots off, fingers scrabbling at the knotted laces until at last they were free.
Alex shimmied his jeans down, giving Mulder no chance to hesitate. As soon as he was naked, too, he gripped Mulder's arm, pulled him to stand again.
Naked against smooth skin, Mulder stood, quiescent, waiting for the instructions he hoped would come.
Alex thought he must be dreaming. It was so good, at last. To be one with Mulder, to touch him; to feel Mulder's hands touch him...
"Alex?" Mulder was standing in the circle of Krycek's arms now, and he wanted...
"You haven't chosen, Mulder. May I? Will you let me?"
"Show me. I don't know what to do."
"I want you, Fox, but I'm scared that I'll hurt you. Will you trust me in this? Today? Let the past go, and trust me?"
"I... can try. What do you want me to do?"
Alex hugged Mulder close, kissed his lips, whispering, "I want to be inside you, make you mine. Please? It'll be strange, but I hope good. I'll take it slowly, carefully." His hand slipped down, cupped Mulder's balls then up to circle his penis, squeezing gently. "If it's too much... ?"
Mulder opened his lips against Krycek's, allowing him access to wherever he felt the need to go. "Show me..."
Alex felt as if his insides were melting with love, with desire. "You are wonderful, " he breathed. "I want you... I... love you, Fox." His hand slipped between Mulder's thighs as his tongue explored his warm, slick mouth.
Love? That was different. Fluttery-scary and unlooked for, but somehow warming. He opened his thighs to grant access and leaned against Krycek.
Alex hadn't noticed his words, they had been in his mind so long, it seemed natural now that he should say them, it was the moment, it was right. "Turn around," he said. "I want to kiss you... everywhere."
[Sebastian] Hum... well?
Turning, Mulder felt the slow crawl of excitement along his spine. This was going to be something different.
*Sebastian suspects not... to a seasoned slasher
There was something about the long, sleek expanse of back, narrowing to slim hips and a ripe, firm ass that Alex found wonderful. So strong, so elegant; and Mulder was perfection. His hands travelled from Mulders shoulders down the straight spine, over his buttocks, down his thighs. Alex leaned, bent down to follow where his hands had touched with reverent kisses
* SugarRush sighs...so round, so firm, so fully-packed...
Then up again, to slide himself against Mulder, belly against all that beauty, wrapping his arms around and kissing his shoulders and nape.
All Mulder could do was feel the progress of that mouth, wet tongue and sucking lips. Trembling, he waited, hardly daring to breathe at the thought of what would come.
"This is the best hour of my life, Fox," murmured Alex, not daring to let his lips leave that lovely skin. "I've wanted this forever." His hand stroked downwards, feeling for Mulder's erection as his own stroked Mulder's ass, pressed against it.
Still saying nothing, Mulder merely gave himself to Krycek, permitting whatever the other wanted, and moaned at the touches as they shivered through his system like tinsel.
Breathing nonsense words of love, Alex dotted Fox's back with kisses, moving ever lower, urging him to bend so he could nuzzle into Fox's ass, lick gently at the sensitive skin of his crack.
It was all good as Alex drove Mulder mad. At last, galvanised into action by wanting more, he yelped. "Just do it, Alex."
The tongue fluttered closer and closer to the tiny pucker of Mulder's anus.
"Do it," he mumbled again. "I need..."
OK, Alex thought. If you think you're ready, Agent Mulder...
... and pushed his tongue inside
Alex thought he would come just from the idea of where he was, right now.
[SugarRush] poor Mulder's gonna bust an artery if poor Alex doesn't give him some relief soon.
Alex was so worked up, he couldn't wait any longer
[starfish] thank God! Some action!!
[SugarRush] geez, what ever happened to the old-fashioned blowjob?
He grabbed the lube, and wrestled the cap off with his teeth
[shadowfox] hey! rimming works for me! [bg]
[Sue] Mulder is finding it really difficult not to swear here.
... squeezed a cold dollop on Mulder's ass, conveniently collected some on his fingers, and slipped one slowly and carefully inside Mulder's tight asshole
[SugarRush] ohhhh, Mulder's a virgin!! how sweet!
[starfish] Not for long now...bwahaha
And that was different... unnerving. Mulder gasped again. This was it. He was fucked - or maybe he was going to be. It burned him and he wasn't at all sure how he'd like it.
Alex gently moved within, searching for the place that would make Mulder forget any worries, forget even his own name
[shadowfox] Alex will be good to him... [g]
How he wished he had both hands, so he could stroke Fox's penis, feel for his reactions, as he breeched him
"Do... do people like this? It's burning me." Mulder's voice was plaintive even as he pushed back against Alex.
"It's strange, and uncomfortable at first, but if you relax, you'll find out how good it can be, babe," said Alex. God, he hoped that he wouldn't hurt Fox, but he didn't think he could stop now. But if he had to...
"How the fuck am I supposed to relax?" muttered Mulder crossly, and then gave a small cry as Alex found the place he'd been searching for.
"Just think warm thoughts," replied Alex, then bit his lip, hoping Mulder hadn't heard.
But "OGODYES," tumbled fromMulder's lips as he squirmed in an effort to feel it again.
Alex let out the breath he'd been holding... probing again to give Fox pleasure as he debated another finger... carefully, he eased it in too, as he nibbled at Fox's neck, and started to think of multiplication tables.
Mulder had felt how it could be, and now he was urgent in his movements. "Come on. Do it to me, Krycek. Do it now."
"You'd better be sure, Fox. Because I won't be able to hold back..."
He pulled his fingers out of Fox's ass, slicked himself up thoroughly, and put his cockhead at the tiny hole. This was so odd. He was desperate, yet scared out of his wits.
"Fuck you, Krycek, I need it..." Mulder watched himself with curiosity as he began to beg his rival, his enemy, his other self to get a grip and fuck him.
Not giving himself time to hesitate more, Alex thrust, holding Fox's hip firmly, feeling the sphincter spread, and give. Suddenly, he was inside. Just a tiny way, yet it was as if he'd climbed a mountain. He nearly came on the spot. He took a couple more deep breaths, tried to conjure up an image of Scully. That brought the feeling under control, a little
The sudden pain knifed into Mulder and he felt faint as he tried to adjust.
"Oh, Christ, Fox," Alex grated, then slowly, but inexorably, slid all the way in.
Moaning, Mulder waited, hoping that it would start to feel good soon; fearing that it wouldn't.
Alex felt Mulder's tenseness, but it was too late to stop. Now he was inside, now Mulder was his, at last.
Mulder felt strange, enervated. His cock had gone down, scared into limpness by the strange situation, and Alex was pushing in harder....
Carefully, Alex pulled out a little, reaching to touch Mulder's penis, praying that he could make this good for him. Slowly, he began to slide in and out. There was plenty of lube, but Mulder was so tight.
Slowly the burn faded and left Mulder with a vaguely pleasant aching, that seemed to grow, almost without his notice.
Alex slid his hand, slippery with lube, over Mulder's shaft, working it in time with his thrusts.
As Alex began to stroke his dick, he became aware suddenly that it was hard again, crying out for touch.
"This is so good, Fox. Do you know how long this has been in my fantasies? I never even hoped... " It was too much. He thrust harder, feeling Mulder's cock swell once more.
"Shut up, Krycek. Just do it, please. Talk later?" Mulder was gasping and squirming as it all finally began to meltdown... and then... "Oh, yes, there!"
Alex gasped a laugh, and slammed into his lover, not caring now... it was all animal instinct. Hopeless, helpless with lust, he buried himself in Mulder. His nerves were spiked with lightning, the universe seemed to spiral, be born anew in a million sparks.
Too much! Mulder suddenly cried out, inarticulate, and sprayed his own desk with semen. The thought of this, here and now sent him rocketing skyward to lose himself in sudden pleasure.
Screaming "Fox", Alex came as Mulder tightened round him, dragging his soul from his body. He collapsed, sweating, panting, on Mulder's back.
*Sebastian wonders if this is when Scully finally escapes, and bursts in.
It was a fitting end to his term with the FBI, thought Mulder, as he limply surveyed the white-spattered desk.
[starfish] 'Bout time!!!
Alex grinned. Fox... on a surfboard, on the sand... naked under the stars. Life was good.
As he dazedly reached for his clothes, Mulder whispered, "Shall we go get that Speedo?"