Fandom: Once A Thief/The X-Files
Year/Length: ~1707 words
Disclaimer: Alliance and 1013 are rolling over in their graves, but I only borrow, I do not steal. I'm not sure who owns Anson, but they sure didn't look after him.
Author's Notes: This is a story that makes no sense, and for which I am endebted to Tirinar, Carla Jane and Niffusa. Tirinar assisted. Niff was a wonderful Mulder, and Carla Jane refused to write Vic and Lexi, so we had to encourage her.
Beta: Blame me for the mistakes.
Alex settles Mulder down on his couch and sits at his feet, ready to tell him his tale.
"Let me take you to the deep, mysterious corridors of a shadowy government agency. It's a place that few know about, and rightly so. Of course it's all in my imagination. I have such good imagination.
"I'm imagining a lovely closet. A lovely closet with lovelier twins in it...Hot, sexy twins...waiting. Oh, Yeah... Waiting for their double - or is it triple? - to come by to get some fresh disks out of the cupboard. They're nudging each other and giggling a bit..."
Mulder: What are they doing in a *closet*?
Alex: They haven't been outed yet. Let me tell it.
"The pair of them are kissing as the door opens, writhing against each other so when Victor opens it, they're the first thing he sees."
Mulder: Interesting first impression.
Alex: How would you feel if that were you? Think it would hold your interest?
Mulder: Three of you kissing each other? It would piss me off! You, all of you, are supposed to be kissing me!
"Well, anyway, Victor kinda stands there shaking his head, and then he hears someone coming down the corridor. The hand reaches out of a tangle of twins and yanks him in by the front of his shirt. He closes the door and collapses against them, laughing. He's just caught sight of Nathan, the paranoid librarian as he was sucked into the vortex. This is going to be fun."
Mulder: Damn, Skippy! Speaking of which... C'mere, Skippy - Mulder gives him a lascivious look, waggling eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
Alex: Hold on. I'm narrating here. Wait a few minutes...
Nathan's standing outside the door. He saw Victor being sucked into the cupboard, and now he's hearing hissing noises as they're shushing each other - "Bug creatures!" he squeaks."
Mulder: If Nathan gets in on this, and I don't, you're gonna regret it.
"And Alex says, "You can't escape me now, Victor. Muahahaha!" So Nathan runs like crazy. He tells the Director that Vic has been abducted by aliens. She just waves him away with her long red fingernails, and carries on talking to LiAnn."
Mulder: snorting! ...aliens? You've been hanging out with me way too long.
"Back inside the closet, Victor's pressed back against the door, Alex's mouth attached to his. He's wriggling a little, not sure if this is a good thing, but Alex has him pinned, and Anson fumbles for his belt."
Mulder: Anson does not fumble...rip, tear, and pull - yes - but not fumble.
Alex: He does if the closet's full of me lookalikes. Behave!
Mulder: closet full of... - he gives a wistful sigh.
"Alex pulls off Vic's jeans and boots, kneels down and pulls him onto his lap so Vic's straddling him. Anson's behind him, supporting him so he doesn't go ass over teakettle. Anson lubes up Vic, then has him turn him around, so Vic's facing Anson."
Mulder: And why aren't I there yet?
Alex: You were on a mission with Scully.
"Alex holds his cock still, while Anson guides Vic onto it. Vic is trying to keep quiet, but he can't keep himself from gasping. Anson leans in close to Vic, captures their cocks in one hand as he strokes them together."
Mulder: You get three of you and I get Scully? There's gonna be a special place in hell for you, ya know that.
Alex: LOL That's the breaks, baby.
"They're kissing, Anson and Vic, gasping as they start to feel good. Alex is pinned down and very cramped, stuck inside Vic and unable to move very much, just feeling himself get closer and closer and not able to do a damned thing to control it."
Mulder: Good! You deserve the torture. - under his breath - on a mission with Scully my ass.
Alex: You're a brat. You know that? Bet you don't know what happens next!
Mulder: Probably not...but I bet it has something to do with someone being covered in cum.
"He encourages Vic to move: his hands on his sweet Victor's hips. He's whispering "Please..." in Vic's ear. Jammed in tight against cardboard boxes full of...shadowy government stuff, with his beloved straddling him, and no way of getting himself off, he keeps up a steady flow of pleas to Vic, who suddenly grins and stops moving."
Mulder: So being a prick tease is genetic with you, huh?
Alex: Oh, boy, are you gonna get it. Okay. You asked for it now.
"He cries out, begging louder. Anson leans over and pulls him in for a kiss over Vic's shoulder, then they hear a sound outside the door. Nathan is knocking nervously."
Alex: How do you like that?
Mulder: I warned you about Nathan!
"Victor, Mr. Mansfield, are you okay? It's just one of your meetings with the council, isn't it?"
Mulder: Council of sex fiends, maybe?
"Alex is quivering all over, and Vic suddenly bears down on him. Alex lets out a howl, and Nathan practically faints. They all sound the same. When Alex comes, he yells out in Russian. The sounds from him are just scary enough to have Nathan crumple into a heap on the floor. Seconds later Vic comes with a loud moan."
Nathan thinks that Vic is being tortured in there.
Mulder: Poor Nathan. Hey...what about Anson?
"Anson still didn't come, and Alex leans forward to take him into his mouth. Anson would groan, loudly - the sound sending a jolt to Nathan's cock even as he tries to summon up the strength of purpose to help Victor, or to leave. He grabs for his inhaler and sucks in some medicated air, then stands and shakes.
"The door opens suddenly. Vic's naked arm and shoulder reach out as he leans round the doorway into the corridor. Nathan is all sweaty-shiny like he gets, and he's trembling all over because he's scared shitless."
Mulder: You've been warned about that ferret...TWICE He growls.
Alex: What you gonna do to me, big boy? <g> Talking faster...
"Vic smiles at Nathan, pulls him by the collar into the closet. As the door closes, Nathan's waiting with his eyes scrunched shut for either death, or divine revelation."
Mulder ::moves closer, growling the whole way:: If this goes where you're trying to make me think it's going, you're getting cuffed to the bed and I won't let you come till Christmas.
Alex: You have no charity in your heart. Feel Nathan's pain, why don't you?
"The council have summoned you, Nathan." Nathan would believe that. He sees three Victors, and he wonders where the other four are. He knows that there are another four.
"Vic #1 pulls the door closed and drags him to the back of the closet, kissing him, while Victor #2 and #3 are pulling off his shirt. Perfect. Nathan is confused, and randy, and trying to deliver his report indicting Alex Trebek, and Anson, who can't tolerate his babbling, shuts him up once and for all by filling his mouth."
Mulder:leans down and bites Krycek's neck - HARD.
Alex: Ow! Fuck! Don't you like me to perform acts of kindness? You big bastard!
Mulder: keep talking, tough guy...see what happens.
"Anson kisses him while they get his shirt off - Victor's on his knees getting the poor fellow's pants off. Four guys in a very small closet. Got elbows in ribs, knees in eyes and a lot of cusswords."
Mulder: Places his hand between Krycek's legs giving him a rough, grinding squeeze.
Alex: What did you do that for?
Mulder: You misbehave, you get punished. Keep talking.
Alex: Hey, it's only a story, right?
"It's a supplies cupboard. It's big, but not that big. These guys aren't shrimps you know. They are big, tall, broad chested and pretty. It's kinda like a rugby scrum in there.
"They could drag him out to the research archives but they don't. Still, they are all glomming onto Nathan, one (he has no idea whom) is sucking him, one is fucking him, and one is kissing him while he thrusts his cock into Nathan's hand."
Mulder: Straddles over Krycek, Mulder sitting high on his knees so his dick is in Krycek's face.
Alex: Think I'm intimidated by your straight shooter, don't you?
Mulder: Not intimidated...distracted.
"It doesn't take him long. He's not getting it regularly, and he really fancies Victor. He's looking at the three of them, feeling everything and believing that this is perfect. Coming under their hands, and mouths, is an awe-inspiring experience. He's loved Vic since he first saw him, and this is heaven. He blacks out."
Mulder: Just as long as his beady little eyes aren't fixed on you. He gives a hip shake, a tiny thrust forward and back in front of Krycek's mouth.
Alex: Oh, I think his real love is Vic, you know that.
"The three of them being who they are, they get him dressed and out in the corridor before he wakes up - dressing and leaving it themselves, Naturally."
Mulder: And who's your real love? He has one hand on his waistband, the other pulling his own zipper down slowly.
Alex: There will be stains on the stationery. <g> Who do you think?
Mulder: Show me and maybe I'll forgive your little flight of fantasy.
Alex: Don't you want to hear how it ends?
Mulder: Only if you can talk with your mouth full.
"Fortunately there isn't any room for him to fall down in that space, and they support him 'til they can finish getting him dressed. Then they creep away, stifling giggles. He wakes up in the corridor totally confused but utterly satisfied."
Mulder: Exactly what I'm not at the moment.
Mulder: Pulls his own dick out and begins to stroke softly, outlining Krycek's lips.
"Next time he sees Vic Mansfield, he blushes and scurries away, sweating, leaving LiAnn and Mac to scratch their heads while Victor cracks out laughing. All they can get out of him is,
"Some day we need to round up another four."
Alex: There. What do you gggrgglllmffpt...
Mulder: Jams his dick into Krycek's mouth. Shut up, Alex.