Fandom: The X-Files
Category/Rated: NC17 for Slash
Year/Length: ~7550 words
Pairing: Alex Krycek
Spoilers: Absolutely everything Alex has ever been in, up to and including Existence.
Disclaimer: These characters were created by 1013. When they were turned out to starve, we took them in. We love them, but we don't exploit them. We don't make money from them.
Beta: Jennie, with great thanks.
The man sat on the couch in the day room of the rehabilitation center. He appeared drawn, faded. The huge eyes had lost their animating spark, and he seemed somehow remote from his surroundings. He held a photograph album in his hands, but it was clear that he had little interest in its contents. He seemed abstracted, sunk in lethargy, as though he'd prefer to be anywhere but where he found himself.
The woman in the white coat had been observing him, and finally seemed to make a decision. Laying down the folder in which she'd been writing, she strolled over from her workstation to crouch down beside him.
"Alex? Come on now. I want you to look at the photographs." As she spoke, she prompted him with a hand, and he sighed, beginning to turn the pages aimlessly. As soon as she moved away, he allowed the book to fall open on his lap, staring with disinterest at the photo that he'd revealed.
A young man looked back at him from the photograph, hair precise to a pin, a cocky smile on his face. It was obvious that this was the same man in younger days, the smug confidence he radiated seemed a palpable entity, and the man called Alex frowned, leaning forward.
"Who the hell were you?" he growled.
The photograph shimmered and seemed to blur. Alex blinked at the apparent slight movement, frowning as the young face smiled wider. "Don't you remember?"
"I..." The book slipped as Alex started back. "I don't think so."
"Sure, you do," the image winked. "I'm you, you're me...we're we." He tilted his chin up, eyes narrowing. "You have to remember that."
"If you're gonna burst into a song and dance act, I'm out of here," Alex said dismissively. From the way that he leant forward and studied the photograph, his interest was somewhat more than obvious. "Want to tell me something about yourself?"
"Don't have to," the young Alex replied smugly. "You know everything about me. In fact, I was hoping you'd be able to fill me in on your life." He frowned. "What happened to you, anyway? You don't look so good."
"I got tired," said the man on the couch, flatly. "Tired and careless and hurt. They shot me and left me for dead. Now I'm wondering if death might not have been the better option. I think I recall you now." Alex paused, swallowed, and leant forward to study his other self. "That tie. It's horrible. Whatever possessed you...me... er, us?"
The young man laughed ruefully. "All part of the act, my man. All part of the act. I'm on my way to meet my new partner. You know him. Fox Mulder?"
The name rang through Alex's thoughts like a bell. Fox Mulder... Memories, unbidden, jostled for notice. Fox Mulder, unshaven and irritable, disdaining his handshake, seal-sleek as he clambered from the pool, face contorted in fury as he raised his fist to strike... tumbled limbs gleaming pearly in the delicate glow of moonlight as he recovered from their lovemaking. He closed his eyes in pain as he forced the pictures away. No more. Never again.
His last memory of Fox, staring dispassionately at his body as he lay on the filthy floor of the parking garage had superseded all other memories, and he could no longer think of anything else. He grimaced. How could he tell this cocky, inexperienced child what was in store for him?
At last, he shrugged. "Yeah. I know him, and nothing good has ever come from it. Take it from me, kid. You will find only pain with Fox Mulder." He closed his eyes again, fingering the scar that marred the center of his forehead and his murmur was almost too quiet to hear. "Fox Mulder is going to fuck you up so badly, kid."
The image seemed rattled by this. He swallowed hard, confusion marring his face. "I... I don't understand. I didn't think he was that kind of threat. Did he... Did he do that to you...to me?"
"Do what?" Alex frowned, the area around the new skin tight and creased. "Did he shoot me? No. He didn't do that. What he did was so much worse than that, you have no idea." Krycek struggled to stand, album in hand, and it became obvious that he was battling a weakness that affected the right side of his body. He glanced at the therapist that had addressed him earlier, but she seemed to be engrossed in her report writing and didn't look up as he moved. "Look, if we're gonna hash all of this shit out, we need to go back to my room. I don't want people listening." Without waiting for a response, he set off to his bedroom, carrying the album, still open at the page on which his younger self could be found. Once back in the seclusion of the small bedroom, he sank onto the bed and looked again at the photo.
"I don't... Look," the photo said, the frustration obvious, "I don't understand what Mulder has to do with me...us..." He studied the older man for a few moments. "You can get me out of here, if you want. So we can really talk. I want to talk to you, Alex. I have so many questions."
"Get you out? How the hell? You're just an image I have in my mind, aren't you? A mere figment? Mulder could explain you, I know."
There was a pause as the two identical pairs of green eyes met in a challenge, and then Alex sighed. "How would I go about getting you out? You're being ridiculous." He was protesting even as he extended his hand to the other, the boy in the cheap, brown suit. When it was taken by warm flesh and held, he almost let out a scream.
The young man smiled at him, settling next to him on the bed. "Told you that you could do it." He raised a careful hand and tentatively touched the scar on Alex's forehead. "Wow..." he whispered, "We're lucky to be alive."
"That," whispered Alex, "Is a matter of opinion. It would have been all over now if they'd killed us."
"What is wrong with you? Why would you want it to be over? What's happened to us?" The young agent pointed at the photo album. "Will that help me find out what's going to happen to me? I really want to know, Alex." He lowered his voice and leaned forward. "I don't think anything could be bad enough for me to want to die. Don't you remember what we're like? We're on the fast track, brother, and we've got too much to live for."
Alex sighed, smiled wearily at his younger self, and tried to think of a way to burst the bubble of enthusiasm that was so grievously misplaced. "You and Fox Mulder... You're going to fall in love with him. That's your first mistake. Here, let me show you."
Picking up the book, Alex began to leaf through it, turning pages until he found a photo of another man, the face soulful and somehow needy. Mournful eyes shone from his face, and full, carefully molded lips were quirked in a sardonic smile that didn't reach the grey-blue eyes above.
"That, my dear, is Fox Mulder," said Alex.
The young man whistled and stared at the photo. "That's a hell of a lot better than the surveillance photos we've seen." He made a soft, curious sound in his throat and trailed his fingers over the image. "I...I fall in love with him, huh? That's not a good idea, Alex. I've got a job to do. Observing, reporting, and carrying out orders. That's it. I can't fall in love with him." He raised his eyes to Alex's. "Maybe we were just ordered to seduce him. That's it, right?"
"Yeah. We were ordered to seduce him, but the order came way too late. Look at this." Alex scrabbled through the album to find another photograph, this time depicting the same man, sleek and dripping water from his slim, muscular frame as he climbed from a swimming pool. He was clad in a pair of red Speedos. "You fell for him right there. There was no way that you could have resisted. Trust me, I was present."
"Jesus, Alex..." He looked into the older man's tired eyes then back at the picture. "What did we do that for?" He cleared his throat, tilting his head slightly. "Actually, I can see why we did that, but..." He looked up again. "So, what happened? Does he love us back? What happened when my superiors found out?"
"He loved us so much, and that's the problem." The older version of Alex Krycek paused, his voice choking off as he recalled better times. "When we were forced to betray him, we did, and that was where all our troubles began. The Smoking Man was the devil himself; I'm sure of that." Alex paused, panting as though he had run a mile, and then closed his eyes, beginning to recite in a monotone. "We saw him in that Speedo and couldn't keep our hands off him. He was so needy. He wanted us so badly. When I kissed him, it was as though he'd been starved for all of his life."
The younger Alex licked his lips, his gaze drifting back to the picture of Mulder in the Speedo. "I, uh... So, I have that to look forward to. That's a plus." Suddenly the expression on his face changed to confusion. "But if we love him, why do we betray him? I know I have a job to do, but..." He nodded his head sharply, his demeanor changing immediately to one of cold assuredness. "Duty first. That and the fact that I've never really loved anyone in my life. Mulder fell for us not the other way round."
"Oh, you fell all right," Alex snorted. "Mulder was our first love... Our only love." Sighing, he tore his eyes from the photo on the page. "God help me, I love him still, even now. The things he did to us..." He fumbled with the book, turning pages and settling on one that showed a man with dark hair and a confused expression. "This is where it all started to go wrong. This is Duane Barry."
Young Alex looked at the photo, studied it casually, and then looked at his future self. "Who's Duane Barry? He's not an agent by the look of him. If anything, I'd say he's mentally unstable, but that's hard to judge from a photograph."
"He was an agent and like us... me; he had a head injury. Someone shot him while he was on duty, and he was never really all right after that. He was set up to kidnap Mulder's partner, who is a little, dumpy, red-haired termagant. We were supposed to pave the way for it, and stop Mulder from finding her." Alex hung his head. "We did it all too well."
"Why did we go after Mulder's partner? I thought Mulder was the danger." The young man raked an impatient hand through his hair. "I don't understand any of this. What happened to his partner after she was kidnapped? Was she terminated? How did Mulder find out we had anything to do with it?"
"They took her for tests. We delayed him long enough that he didn't stop them abducting her, and then we killed Duane Barry to stop him talking. Then we took him to bed, made love to him, and fell for him so damned hard that we were never any use again." Alex sighed. "He never forgave us, you know. He'll hate us forever, and I can't stop loving him."
"Alex, I..." Curious eyes looked at the pain etched in the older man's face. "Don't love him, anymore, Alex. Or, if you have to, how do you know he still hates us? What happened after his partner was tested? Did he find out that we were involved?"
"That's easy to say. I remember being like you, but you'll find out that you can't hide things from Fox Mulder. He can read minds. I can still remember standing in the corridor, watching him walk away from me with my car keys in his hand while I tried to think of ways to call him back to me and didn't say a word." The words trembled in the still air, desolation rife in them.
Alex pointed to a photograph. The man in the picture was old, his seamed face alive with malice, a cigarette held to his lips as he stared at the camera. "This old bastard made sure that I never got another chance to see Mulder before he learned the truth about me."
"Do you think that would have made a difference? If you'd had the chance to tell him everything before he found out on his own, would that have mattered?" The young agent impulsively grabbed Alex's arm, desperate for answers. When his fingers gripped cold, hard, plastic, he recoiled, a look of horror on his face. "What the fuck..."
Alex snatched his hand away, moving with the jerky, uncoordinated movements that presaged panic. "I'll get to that. That comes much later." He riffled through the pages of the book, drawing attention to the photo he'd pointed out before. "Look at the old fuck. He's going to rule your life until you kill him in sheer desperation. You've met him already, I think?"
"I... Yes, I have..." He looked at Alex's arm again, distaste mingling with fear and burning curiosity. "He, um... I have to report to him...but he doesn't rule my life."
"Ya think?" Alex gave a snort of derisive laughter. "The bastard owns you. You'll find out. Do I think that if I'd told Fox everything, he'd have forgiven me? I really don't know. I know that if I could do it all over again, I'd tell him. We hurt him so badly, you and I."
"Wrong." It was said firmly, confidently. "I haven't done anything to him yet. I haven't even met him. There's no telling what'll happen once I do." He stood up and started pacing in front of Alex. "I don't want to end up like...like you. I'm not going to fall in love with him. This way I'm guaranteed a better life than this. I won't be some freak in a hospital, crying over some stupid photographs."
"You will. You did!" The words were wrung from Alex's lips as though they were drops of blood. "He's everything you could ever imagine. The first kiss between you will teach you humility. He'll fuck you, and you'll forget your name, your purpose, everything." He stood, moved to stand in front of his younger self. "You used to think that you were good at seduction. There are things that I could tell you...show you..."
Young Alex looked at him, his eyes wide in surprise at the outburst. "I... Like what? What's so special about him? I've had... I've never had a problem staying in control...being the one in control."
"He's something new, something different. You've got no defenses against him. He's a strong, willful, contrary man, and it will only take that one smile, that one kiss. You'll be lost. I was lost. There's no escape." Alex put his flesh hand onto his younger self's shoulder. "Believe me, kiddo, you're doomed."
He shook off Alex's touch and sat back down on the bed. "Why don't you just tell me what else is going to happen to me? At least this way it won't be a surprise." His voice was soft, defeated, and he looked up at Alex sadly. "Since nothing's going to change, I might as well be prepared for the worst." His gaze moved down and settled on the prosthetic arm.
"We were so good together." Alex shook his head, trying to clear it. "He took my keys and went away that last time, and I stood watching him. They came for me that night. Told me I'd fucked up and took me away to be 're-educated'. That was the first time I realized that there was no way out. You'll learn."
"But what if I don't want to find out?" he asked in a small voice. "What if... Fuck it." He shook his head, mirroring Alex's action as he attempted to get himself together. "What about Mulder? Do I see him again?"
"You see him, and for a while all they have you doing is watching him... never talking to him, never touching him, never, ever letting him see you... But then they send you to do something that will redeem you in their eyes, and you stupid fuck, you do it." Tears had welled in Alex's eyes, and his fingers had returned to the scar on his forehead. "You did it to him. I did it, and I could never go back after that."
The young face softened as he watched himself shed tears over the past and the future. "What... What did you do?" he whispered. "What am I going to do to him?"
Alex's face was a mask that his young self recognized. His heart seemed to stop momentarily as he recognized the man's reaction to a pain so terrible that it couldn't be described. It took what seemed like forever for Alex to open pain-filled eyes and meet those of his younger self once again; his voice when he spoke was bitter.
"Don't you know? Can't you guess? His father is Bill Mulder, isn't he? It should be obvious what you're going to do. You're going to kill Bill Mulder." There was another long pause and then Alex's voice came again, a desolate whisper. "I killed his father."
A sharp intake of breath and the young, proud man that Alex Krycek once was, looked at the shell he'd become. "You killed Bill Mulder? That's never... That's not something that's even been discussed with me. And if..." He bit his lip as if warring with himself over whether or not to pursue the truth of events that had already taken place. "Why would you do something like that if you loved him? How stupid are you? You don't kill the father of the man you're in love with! Who cares if it got you back in their good graces?"
"You don't understand. They hook you on the drugs; you'll do anything to get what you need. I'd even have killed him by that time, if they'd told me to. You'll find out." Alex buried his face in his hands. "Don't judge me. This is how it's going to go. This is what will happen to you. After that, they kept me full of horse, and tried to blow me up. By the time I realized, and ran for it, I was suddenly alone. Guess I wasn't indispensable after all."
"What?" He shook his head. "You don't do drugs. I don't do drugs. How the hell can they control me that way?" The desolate figure standing before him unnerved him and he got up. "Alex, I'm not judging you." He gently urged Alex to sit down then knelt in front of him. "I'm sorry for what you've gone through, but... I know me, dammit. I know I wouldn't let things get so out of control." He looked at him earnestly. "Alex, you would never let these things happen to you."
"You would know, wouldn't you, little fool?" Alex sat, limp and dejected for what seemed to be an age, and then slowly raised his eyes to meet those of the eager young man crouching before him. His hand came up to seize the kid by his tie, and he hauled his young self off balance to stumble against him. His mouth sought and found that of young Alex, and he glued their mouths together.
The young man's mouth opened in surprise, his startled cries immediately swallowed. A hot tongue, desperate and searching, slipped between his parted lips and he found himself returning the kiss, his arms snaking around Alex's shoulders, pulling the lost soul closer to him, wanting to comfort him. Just as suddenly as the kiss had happened, the young agent pulled back with a grunt of surprise. "What are you...? Why did you kiss me?" he asked breathlessly.
There was no answer. Alex sat on the edge of the bed, his chest heaving, his fingers still entwined in the hideous tie that his alter ego wore. Eyes met eyes, and questions were asked and answered in the catch of breath, the slight moan that seemed to brush their skin, stroking nerve endings that were stretched taut by stress. Finally, Alex smiled, although there was nothing pleasant about his grin. "You think that you know, but I'll show you." Again he pulled the younger man into a kiss, and this time he dropped to his knees to press his body against that of this child who would someday know the losses, the pain brought about by the forces of fate.. His arm slipped around to hold his other self, and he growled. "I'll show you!"
"Show me," husked the young one, his body no longer his own. His hands roamed over Alex's back as if controlled by some unseen force, and he ground his hips against the man he would one day become. His erection pushed against the other's, and he crushed his mouth to Alex's. "Show me," he repeated, echoing the growl of the older man as he attacked the hot skin of his neck and throat.
"Oh, yes." Mouth sucked skin as fingers tugged at the knot in the tie, finally yanking it clear and throwing it across the room, and Alex let out a grunt of satisfaction as he worked the button at the collar of the crisp, white, polyester shirt free, another as he shoved the jacket off his younger self's shoulders, and began to work on the rest of the buttons, his hot mouth tracing each new inroad with lips that teased. "You think that you're so fucking clever, but you know nothing. Worse than that, you know what they told you, and it's all lies."
"I want to help you," the young man moaned softly as Alex's mouth and tongue played over his chest. His arms were trapped at his sides, held by the jacket and shirt Alex had yanked down. "I want you to help me." Impatiently, he pulled his arms free, letting the clothes fall forgotten to the floor. "I don't know anything," he murmured, grasping the hem of Alex's shirt and pushing it up to allow eager fingers access to the hot, scarred skin beneath. "You have to tell me what to believe."
"Believe that you can't win." The words were mumbled around rosy pink nipples as Alex lapped at his younger self's chest. "Believe that you're gonna lose, and that you won't like it. Believe that you don't stand a fucking chance, and that it will all go to hell." His fingers abandoned their play with pert nipples, and drifted down over his ribs, paused to finger the indentation of the navel, and came to rest at his belt buckle, where they began to undo it, dipping to stroke, and then returning to pick at the fastening.
"I don't want to believe that," the young man growled, gasping as Alex touched and fondled his erection. "I don't want to live your life." His fingers skirted over the waistband of Alex's pants and he clumsily unbuttoned them, reaching in to take hold of the hard, pulsing cock. "You have to change it, Alex." Quick, brutal strokes as he leaned in to kiss the greedy mouth that was now inches from his own. "You have to."
"And how the fuck do you propose that I do that?" Alex frowned as he pushed at young Alex's pants. "What the fuck did you ever buy this suit for? It's neither useful nor ornamental." He tugged at the drab, brown fabric, and young Alex toppled onto his behind as his older self yanked the trousers clear from his feet, leaving him half-lying on the rug, panting and aroused.
"God, yeah," whispered Alex, and started to work on his own excess clothing.
"Why do you want this?" The younger man eyed Alex with increasing interest as he stripped completely and started moving toward him. "What will this do for you?" Once the older Alex was close enough, the young one moved a hand down to grip his cock. "What will getting off do for you?"
"It will feel good, of course." Alex laughed, and the sound felt wrong in the desolation of this hospital room that had no apparent comfort. Young Alex suddenly looked around him.
"Don't you... don't I have any flowers? Aren't there any friends left to send us get-well cards?"
Alex quieted him with a well-placed kiss, tongue searching, stroking, mouth hot and altogether desirable as he muffled the sounds that his other self was making. His hand had begun a rhythmic stroking against the hard flesh of the cock it was holding, and young Alex made a muffled sound of satisfaction.
"That's...that's it, isn't it?" the young man asked, biting his lip as Alex's hand continued moving over his cock. "I...I'm all you have left in your life..." He gasped and bucked his hips. "You're all alone..."
"And just who do you think that you have in your life? You forget; I was there. I was you, and I know that their caring is all an illusion. None of them care for you, and one by one they will all die; some of them you will even kill yourself. All except for Fox. When the end comes, he's all you're going to see." Alex released his slick, hard handful and sneered. "I don't need you, you know? Not the way that you need me."
Cocking his head to the side, the rookie regarded Alex through narrowed eyes. "If nothing is going to change why do I need you at all?" He carefully moved against Alex, pushing him back until he was now stretched out on top of the older man. "I think you need me, though," he whispered, his breath hot against Alex's mouth. "I represent what could have been, don't I?" He started to writhe slowly, rubbing his erection against Alex's. "Without me you wouldn't have even one pleasant memory." His lips moved over Alex's then softly kissed his cheek. "You can think of me and remember what it was like with Fox, right? Before it all went wrong..."
The undulation of his younger self against his dick sent shivers through him, waves of delicious sensation that made him moan against the young man's smooth skin. The fresh scent of mint and soap filled his nostrils as he kissed, then licked at the carefully shaved cheek.
"Fox likes to be the top. You'll need to learn that," he whispered into the pointed ear that was beside his mouth. "You need to be gentle." He thrust his hips against the delicious body that covered his, and groaned again as he felt a wash of delight tingle through him.
"I'm not a bottom, though," he sighed, reaching a hand down to grasp Alex's cock in his. "You know that... Fox will have to learn that." He bent his head to suck Alex's earlobe between his lips, nipping and sucking on it as he started pumping Alex's cock. "And I'm not gonna fuck you, and you're definitely not gonna fuck me."
"You'll anything that Fox wants you to be. You won't be just his bottom; you'll love it, because he can make you love anything for his sake. You'll be his punching bag, when you know that you could beat him with one hand. You'll be his whipping boy, his fool. Better start now, little fool." Alex flipped the cocky youngster over and smiled down at him sardonically. "Learn to love the lash. It's all you'll have," he murmured, and then slid down to suck the young man's cock into his mouth.
The shocked gasp seemed to echo throughout the room, and young Alex immediately reached down to tangle his fingers in soft hair. His hips moved, thrusting his cock into the welcoming mouth, and his back arched as he sought out more of the delicious heat. "Fuck..." His breath came in ragged bursts. "God, you really know how to suck cock," he husked, a huge grin spreading across his face.
"You'll do this for him," gritted out Alex, who had felt the rising of the other's climax, and pulled away temporarily, squeezing at the base of young Alex's cock to prevent him from coming. "Whatever he asks of you, you'll do without counting the cost." He sucked on his fingers and then reached them down, inserting a single digit into the tight heat of the youngster's ass, his tongue tip extended to flick around the ridged head of the oozing cock as he pressed the finger home.
The young man bucked his hips, crying out at the intrusion. "What the hell are you doing?" he gasped. "You're not fucking me. If Fox has to, fine, but I'm starting to think I don't want anything to do with him." He cried out again as Alex began moving the finger inside him. "You don't..." He squirmed, trying to escape the violation but still maintain contact with the sweet mouth on his cock. "You don't want to get fucked," he said softly.
"Try it. You'll like it." The sneer was faint, but present. The finger inside young Alex slid deeper, crooked and brushed something delicious. The tormenting mouth returned to suck sharply on his cock, taking him deep, then raising up once, twice, three times, and finally releasing him to twitch in the cool air. The young man cried out, and Alex chuckled. "Being fucked is sometimes better than doing the fucking."
Trying to glare at the older man, but failing miserably, young Alex fixed him with a long look. "Maybe," he whispered, licking his lips as he eyed Alex's cock. "And maybe you should just finish what you've started." He smirked and raised his eyes to Alex's, arching an eyebrow in what could only be considered a challenge. "Can you still fuck a guy with only one arm?"
The only response to the jibe was a sharp, delicious suction that sent him spinning as once again orgasm threatened. When his tormentor drew back, pulled out and circled his cock again to dampen down the surge, he screamed, as Alex laughed down at him.
"Why? You want me to fist you?" The grin was huge now, and Alex leaned over, reaching for a small tube that lay on his nightstand.
"Just need to know if I can adapt," the young man said, licking dry lips and watching every move Alex made. Impressed at the deft way he unscrewed the cap and squeezed out some clear gel using only one hand, the now eager young man lay back completely and pulled his knees up. "Fuck me, Alex..." He licked his lips again and smiled up at him. "Might be the only time you can fuck yourself... In a good way, anyway."
"I've fucked myself on so many levels over the past seven years that it's really not funny." The nimble fingers smoothed cool gel on young Alex's ass, and then pressed home to enter him, two fingers sliding in, then three, stretching him as they worked. As the kid started to become accustomed to the feel, Alex leaned to kiss him again, sucking his tongue and growling softly.
The youngster responded to the kiss hungrily, almost gratefully, and put his arms around Alex's neck. Pushing against the fingers that were stretching him as they introduced him to sensations he'd never experienced before, he groaned, laughing softly as he did. "You gonna use your dick anytime soon?"
"Changing your mind a little, are you?" Alex's voice had lowered, and now was husky and enticing as he placed his cock ready to penetrate... Nuzzling into the angle of the kid's neck, he bit sharply, and then as his younger self cried out, he drove himself home into the slick and silken sheath.
"Goddamn..." The breathy voice wavered as Alex began fucking him in earnest. Fingers clutched at sweaty skin and the impossible continued happening as Alex Krycek pushed the young, idealistic version of himself closer to the edge. "Harder," the young voice demanded, "harder..."
"Feel it? Feel the burn? Feel it starting deep inside of you?" Alex changed position, his dick now driving up to strike sparks from that place he'd found earlier. As his young self moaned his appreciation, Alex gestured with his artificial hand. "You're gonna have to take care of yourself if you need to. That's the one thing that I can't do single-handedly. Come on, kid, don't be shy. Jack yourself off, and don't worry. When it comes to the crunch, Fox will do it for you."
A breathless grunt of acknowledgment and his hand wrapped around his cock, awkwardly jerking himself off as Alex pushed deeper and harder. "I...oh god...it's so..." His body shuddered, muscles straining as he arched and bucked beneath the older man, his orgasm racing through him. Without thought, he smeared his come over the two of them as his body kept shaking with the force of what had just happened to him. "Come, Alex... Think of Fox...and come hard..."
"Oh, God, Fox...." Alex's cry was hoarse. He was close now, and the fluttering of the elastic tissues that clasped him seemed to lift him, drive him through to push, rigid and straining against the wash of pleasure that enveloped him. As he discharged himself into the body of the young man who was pressed tight against him, he felt the shivering shock of orgasm, and his body slumped, helpless and completely sated.
Careful hands stroked his hair, his neck, down over his back in a genuine need to comfort him. "Alex..." he whispered, "it's... I'll have to go soon. You have to finish telling me what's going to happen." He pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead and continued the gentle caressing. "I need to know..."
Alex had screwed his eyes tightly shut, and now he opened them once more to meet a pair that was identical to his own. "You meet him again in Hong Kong after you've run from the Old Men of the Consortium. You need money to supply your fix, and he catches you. He'll want the information you've stolen, and you... by that time you'll do anything for him. You'll agree to go back to the US with him. He beats you, and that's fine, because you're together, but then an alien takes possession of you. You do know about the Purity virus, don't you?"
"I..." He cleared his throat, suddenly looking defiant. "They tell me what they say I need to know. You know that. The Purity virus has not come up yet." No sooner were the words out of his mouth than his guard dropped, and he looked at Alex quizzically. "I'm going to be possessed by an alien? Why? Will I be I caught after he beats me? Will I be I...experimented on in some way?"
"You will... I was infested by this thing. We were abandoned in a missile silo. We were locked into the dark. I don't recall a whole lot about it, save for the knowledge that it was crawling through my body, sifting my thoughts and stealing everything I held dear. By the time I got out of there, I was half crazy. Fox had been there, but he didn't know that I was there too, and he probably would have left me to rot anyway.
"I was released by a bunch of militia types, and I sent Mulder the information on them, hoping that he'd relent, but when I met up with him he was just as angry."
With a dissatisfied sigh, the young man shifted and moved out from under Alex. He reached for his clothes, shaking his head. "I don't want any of this to happen to me." As he got dressed, he kept shaking his head, the confidence completely stripped from him. "I don't want to be locked in the dark and have Fox hate me and...I don't want to get shot in the head or lose my arm..." When he looked at Alex, his eyes were wide with fright. "Did Fox... How did you...we...lose the arm?"
"I'm coming to that." Alex reached for his own discarded clothing, and then stood to take the obviously rattled young man in his arms, rubbing his back and holding him for a moment in an attempt to comfort him. "We went to Russia, Fox and I. We were following the Purity, and it led us to a little town called Tunguska. There's a gulag there, and they took us prisoner. I'd actually planned on that. Had to get Fox inoculated against Purity, and he was, but then it all started to fall apart." He sat down on the bed and hugged himself, hunched in as he recalled what had happened.
"Fox didn't wait for me to get him out. He broke us loose and that was the end for me. Instead of making our way back home with the assistance of the KGB, I found myself in the forest with a bunch of Russian peasants." Alex broke off, groped blindly for a glass of water, and paused to drink it.
This time the young man reached out to comfort, sitting down on the bed next to Alex and putting an arm around his shoulders. He leaned into him, closing his eyes as he waited to hear what happened. "Are you going to be okay?" he whispered, tightening his arm around him.
Alex nestled into the comfort, grateful for the contact. He nodded and pressed a kiss against the youngster's temple. Then, clearing his throat, he began to speak again. "The thing about those peasants is that they'd figured that there was some significance to the smallpox inoculation scars that people had. The Russians were taking the farmers from around the area to test their Purity vaccine. They'd come upon a drastic solution to what they saw as their biggest problem, and they thought that they were helping me." Alex's voice broke. "They waited until I was asleep to take me. They hacked off my arm with a red-hot machete. The bastards thought that they were saving my life."
A soft, sorrowful moan escaped the young man's throat and he pulled Alex closer, hugging him tightly. "I can't... How did you live through that?" he whispered, incredulous. "How...?"
"For Fox, you see. It was always for Fox. I couldn't let him go on alone. He was in danger from so many people. How could I leave him?" He passed his hand before his eyes, attempting to disguise the glitter of tears as he spoke. "I stole the vaccine to take back to him. I followed him, saved him so many times. All I got for my pain was his hatred. In the end, I killed the old man that was threatening his health, although he never knew it. When the aliens took him, I thought that it was the end, and when he was recovered, I was there on hand to give him the vaccine." Alex turned to look into his alter ego's eyes. "I saved his fucking life again and again."
"And he still hates you?" Confusion filled the youngster's eyes. "Why? I don't understand how you can keep making amends again and again and he can still go on hating you. Why would he do that? I..." He stopped, furrowing his brow. "The old man? The smoking man? You...I...kill him? And you get away with it? Alex, I don't understand any of this. How did it all get so out of control?"
"It all boils down to choices." Alex shook his head. "Don't follow the path I walked... Losing my arm, losing my self-respect, my life even, mean nothing. Losing Fox is the thing that hurts most. Don't lose him. Don't see him as a job to do, as orders to be carried out. Trust me. He's worth far more than any of the rewards that the old men held out to me." He pushed the young man away from him, studying the set chin and huge, brilliant eyes. "Change things while you can. Learn from me."
"Change things..." He seemed to consider what Alex was saying, concentrating on each word. "I can do that? Can I change things, Alex?" Studying the tired face, the worn figure and shell of who he would become, he waited, hopeful.
"I don't know, kid, but you have to try. Promise me that you'll try? Tell Mulder. Tell him everything. Fight the menace together, Alex. Be happy.You'll end up like me if you don't." The last was said with the hint of a smile, and then he reached to hold his younger self tightly. "Take care of him for me."
"I'll try, Alex. I'll do my best. But..." He pulled back a little and looked at Alex sadly. "If it all changes, you'll be different. I'll be a different person. I know that you've suffered, but... You won't exist anymore."
"I don't care. I don't want to live. The last time I saw him, he stood and watched as Skinner shot me down in cold blood, and then stepped over me on his way out of my life. When he left, he took my heart with him, and now I might as well be dead." Alex shook his head and turned away to find the album that lay on the bed. Leafing through it, he found the photo of Mulder he had shown young Alex earlier, and sat gazing at it in apparent thought.
"I'll... I'll try to remember that I have to change things, Alex," the young man said softly, his gaze wandering to the photo Alex was studying. "I'll..." There was nothing else.
"Just love him for me." The whisper was so soft that it might almost not have been spoken out loud. "Please?"
Shadows lengthened, and Alex remained sunk in a brown study, gazing down at the face of the man that he had been, wondering how things might have changed had he been warned.
A knock on the door made him jump, and he raised his head as a nurse entered with a huge flower arrangement that obscured her face. Drifts of sweetly scented freesias, headily perfumed roses, and clouds of baby's breath made the bouquet a thing of beauty.
"Another one for you, Alex. You've got so many now that I think we need to open up a store. This one is from Dana. She's sent you a card too." The pretty young nurse extended a hand with the small envelope as she placed the flowers on the countertop, alongside a mass of other arrangements. "They smell gorgeous. I'm jealous."
Alex reached with his left hand and took the envelope, smiling his thanks as he opened the card. Stretching, he grinned at the nurse. "You just have to learn to be irresistible, and you've got it made." The sound of voices distracted them, and he looked up as the door swung open again, and Fox Mulder entered the room.
Time stood still, and Alex's eyes met those of his lover, saw the smile in them, and he reached to kiss the sultry mouth closing his eyes as he savored the taste and the feel of Fox Mulder.
"They said that you could come home today, love. I'm here to take you home."
As Alex held Fox tightly to him, he gazed over his shoulder at the album on the bed...
...And the boy in the picture winked.