Two Iolaus' Are Better Than One

by CardsGal
Author's notes: Written YEARS ago, not even sure to what list anymore!

Disclaimer: I have nothing to disclaim. I don't own them, and am quite upset over it.

Title: Two Iolaus' Are Better Than One Author: CardsGal Rating: NC17 Archive: If someone would actually want it! Synopsis: Hercules and Iolaus run into Iolaus...the blondes discover they have something in common...and it's more than blond hair....

Authors Note: This is my first fic, so please be kind. Comments and criticisms welcome....please! April put the bug in my ear for several of the goings-ons in this story so here's to ya gal!

"Hey Herc, I can't wait to do a little fishing...maybe I'll find another perfect piece of wood to ride the water again, or...." The small blond was literally skipping around his taller companion, unable to contain his excitement any longer. "We don't spend near enough time near the water." He began again, barely taking a breath.

"Iolaus, right now I'd just like to find an inn, with a decent room, and get some dinner. I am bushed. I've had you back for a whole month, and between playing mediators to *three* feuding villages, subduing two different warlords, and thwarting Ares' latest plan to rearrange my face, I am bone-tired. I just want you, me, a soft bed, maybe some wine, and one of your wonderful massages."

"You don't want much, do you?" the hunter asked, but conceded, "A bath would be nice. And pillows. And real blankets." He sped up his pace. "Come on then, what are we dragging our feet about? We can fish tomorrow."

Hercules shook his head and smiled, but slowed his pace instead of quickening it. "Oh, Iolaus, one thing first. Come back here a second."

"What? What?" The exasperated blond retreated the few steps to his friend, only to find Hercules staring at him with a bemused, yet reverent, expression on his face.

"Have I told you lately, how glad I am that you're back?" the demigod asked, before pulling him up for a soul-baring kiss that left them both a bit breathless.

"Umm...I don't think today. But keep reminding me like that and we'll never make it to town!" Iolaus mischievously gave his lover's crotch a quick grope before darting off again.

The two friends wandered into a village several hours later, and Hercules immediately began searching for a respectable inn. Iolaus seemed to have forgotten his hurry for lodging as he stopped to examine the goods at almost every stall he passed. After a short haggle, and maybe a free sample, he was off to the next merchant without buying a thing. He was so busy licking the creme filling out of the latest pastry he'd been investigating that he didn't realize he had literally run into...himself. The hunter was so engrossed in catching his prize before it hit the ground, that he didn't even hear Hercules' sharp intake of breath before he let out an exclamation of, "Iolaus! What are you doing here?"

That weird question finally sunk in and he looked up at the demigod in confusion. "Buddy, I've been here all day. Have you been walking in the sun too...." His mouth fell open as he looked at an almost exact replica of himself standing next to Hercules. The only thing that made him feel better, was the fact that the man next to Hercules looked almost as astonished as he did.

"Hi Hercules." The other blond said a bit uncertainly. "And you must be Iolaus. Excuse my ignorance, but I though you were, well, um, dead." He finally finished, lamely shifting from foot to foot.

"And aren't you supposed to be, um, gone?" the hunter queried a bit haughtily. "I thought Aphrodite turned you into a fish or something."

"Iolaus, be nice." Hercules interjected. "You'd follow Nautica under the sea too if you'd seen her." He grinned. "Why *are* you here though? Did things not work out between you two?"

"No, no...nothing like that!" Iolaus smiled. "We're disgustingly happy. I just have a need to, you know, visit land once in a while. All that water gets a bit claustrophobic. Not to mention what it does to my hair! It's dry, frizzy and much too long." The jester ran a hand through his curly, longer locks. "Haven't found any barbers down there! I finally worked out a deal with Aphrodite. I get to visit land once a month for twenty-four hours. Sometimes Nautica comes, sometimes not. She's not as fond of it as I am."

"Don't see nothing wrong with your hair." Iolaus mumbled, slowly circling his twin, poking and prodding a bit and comparing the identical scars that were visible.

"Do you mind?" Iolaus muttered as he swatted the other man's hand away. "Nice seeing *you* Hercules. Guess I'm off for a trim and some dinner that isn't fish." He finally grinned and turned to walk away.

"Wait. Your hair looks fine." The demigod shot a warning look at his partner who was rolling his eyes and running a hand through his own unruly curls in an imitation of his look-a-likes earlier action. "Why don't you join us for dinner? We're staying the night and meeting some friends a couple of villages away tomorrow." *This would definitely piss him off and it serves him right, the way he's been acting* Hercules thought smugly as he smiled encouragingly at Iolaus.

"I don't know." He hedged, looking from Hercules to Iolaus and back again. "I don't want to intrude."

Iolaus seemed about to open his mouth until Hercules spoke up quickly and put a firm hand on each man's shoulders, leaving no room for argument and propelled them toward a tavern that he'd spied in the distance. "Nonsense. *We* would enjoy the company. There's no reason for you to be by yourself."

A few minutes later, the three settled at a table in the tavern and ordered a veritable feast. Iolaus and Iolaus were getting quite a few stares at their uncanny resemblance but after a few scathing glares from Hercules, everyone resumed their earlier activities.

"Too bad Orestes wasn't here." Iolaus giggled, apparently resigning himself to spending the evening with his alter ego. The ale was certainly helping. "That would really get their tongues wagging."

"Who's Orestes?" Iolaus asked between bites of a pheasant leg he was picking at critically. "This needs rosemary."

Iolaus made a face, not even daring to look at his partner. He already knew there would be a gloating grin. "My...your...cousin. Bears a striking resemblance to...us. If he wasn't dead." He added the last part a bit sadly. "Didn't you know of him in your world?"

The other man stared into the air, thinking. "No, I don't recall that name. But then, I didn't get out much," He pushed his goblet away and waved to get a serving wench's attention. "Water please."

"Water? You'd think you'd be tired of it." The hunter smirked and slid the cup back towards Iolaus. "Don't know what you're missing. Have some fun."

"Iolaus, let the man drink what he wants. Not everyone has your penchant for ale." Hercules slowed down his eating long enough to chastise.

"Well, I've never really tried it. It just doesn't seem dignified." He sniffed at the drink dubiously.

"Most enjoyable things aren't." Iolaus sniggered as Hercules elbowed him in the ribs. The blond ignored the jab and continued. "Speaking of *things*, you and..." He stopped to think a second. "...Nautica are fish? Then how do you..." This time he let out an audible grunt as he received yet another, harder stab. "What? Inquiring minds want to know."

Iolaus was looking at him a bit blankly. "Uh, half-fish. I'm not sure I follow." He followed this by taking a sip of the ale. "That's horrible!" He sputtered. "You drink this stuff?"

"It's an acquired taste. Try some more." Iolaus prompted, toasting him and then taking a long swallow from his own drink.

His counterpart took a deep breath and choked down the remaining contents of his goblet. After unsuccessfully trying to stifle a hiccup, he set the cup down with a thud, and proceeded to finish his meal. "There. Happy now?"

A bit later, Hercules pinched the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger and shook his head. *Me and my great ideas. All I wanted was a quiet dinner and a maybe not so quiet night....* The son of Zeus ventured a glance at the two men at the table. They were deep in a conversation punctuated by almost identical giggles erupting from one or the other at various times. He studied the contrasting differences between the two.

Iolaus was still missing the swaggering confidence of his long time friend, but he did look more relaxed and happy than he remembered him ever being. That was reassuring. He still sported his old jester's outfit sans sleeves. He vaguely wondered where he kept it. Under a rock maybe? Their hair was almost the same length and style now, though the other Iolaus seemed very uncomfortable with his and kept brushing it behind his ears. *Kinda like Iolaus did when he was younger. * Hercules smiled fondly. As he scrutinized the two men a bit longer, he became mesmerized by the similarity of their movements...the way they both tilted their head to one side when contemplating a question, the identical pulse beats in the equally identical strong, corded necks, two sets of deep azure eyes, that were, at that moment, looking right at him! The demigod shook his head in an effort to come back to earth. "Sorry. It's just...ah...a bit much seeing the two of you in the same place like this. I mean, knowing how different you were...are...and you're actually getting along, though, knowing you both, it won't last long and...Gods, I'm babbling aren't I?" The two had the nerve to actually nod their heads in tandem and giggle. At that, Hercules got up abruptly and searched for the stairs. "I am going to my room, taking a much anticipated bath, and climbing into a much more anticipated soft bed. Good night."

Both watched Hercules liberate a wineskin from a serving tray and march determinedly, albeit a bit stiffly, to the exit. Iolaus glanced over at the other blond to see a look of longing flit quickly over his features before disappearing. Not being known for his subtlety, and already knowing the answer, he asked. "Did you two ever fool around?"

"NO!" Iolaus exclaimed. "I mean, all he ever did was mope and talk about you and...."

"Hey, no need to get defensive. I was *dead* ya know." The hunter smiled slyly, a devious plan already forming. "I guess the more important question is, would you like to? I saw you watching him, so don't try to deny it."

It was Iolaus' turn to look stunned. "What?" He literally squeaked, but actually looking like he was considering it. That look of consideration suddenly turned to fear and he almost whispered. "No, I don't think so."

Iolaus could see the gamut of emotions running across his face. He got up and moved around the table to sit beside his twin. He tentatively put a hand on Iolaus' back, anticipating the flinch he knew he'd receive. "Look, I had my five minutes with the Sovereign and it was no picnic. I can't even comprehend what your life must have been like. But you know in your heart that Herc isn't like that. You wouldn't have traveled with him if you'd had any doubts. Am I right?"

Iolaus took a deep breath and nodded, still not meeting the other man's eyes. "I used to watch him sleep across the campfire and wonder what it would be like without the violence and pain. Hercules' eyes are so kind and full of compassion." He finally looked up and continued. "He had nightmares almost every night. I'd hear him tossing and turning, mumbling your name over and over. I was so jealous of that devotion, though I had no right to be." The blond smiled in an attempt to lighten the moment. "You are one lucky guy."

It was Iolaus' turn to blink back a tear. Wiping a hand quickly across his eyes, he bounded off the chair and pulled Iolaus up with him. "Well then, let's both get lucky tonight. The big guy won't know what hit him."

A few minutes later, the two were standing at the door to the room, discussing a plan of attack. Iolaus was swaying a bit and the hunter put a steadying hand on his chest. "You weren't kidding when you said you didn't drink! Okay, I can guarantee you he'll be dozing. Ten minutes in a bath, and he's out like a light." Iolaus looked his twin up and down. "Can you get around behind him where he can't readily see you? This may take a bit of persuading at first."

Iolaus let out a snort. "I am *very* light on my feet. I could somersault across the room and he wouldn't hear it. Watch and learn, rabbit chaser." With that final insult, he quietly opened the door a crack, slipped inside, and disappeared, leaving a bemused Iolaus standing in the hallway shaking his head with nothing left to do but follow.

Iolaus surveyed the room. Hercules was indeed snoring softly in a good sized round tub and had left only one small candle burning by the bed. Perfect. He had also barely noticed Iolaus crouched a few feet behind the demigod's head, almost blending into the shadows completely. Even better. The hunter quickly disrobed and slipped into the still warm water. As usual, Hercules didn't startle, but his eyes opened about halfway and he drawled lazily, "About time. I wondered how long it would take you to get away."

"Well, I didn't actually get away. More like brought the party to you." Iolaus replied, as he picked up one of Hercules impossibly long legs and soaped it liberally. At the same time, Iolaus had crept up and began washing the demigod's hair and scalp. The son of Zeus sighed with contentment until he suddenly put two and two together. He sat up straight in the tub, grabbed a hold of the two wrists close to his head and glared suspiciously at Iolaus. "What have you schemed up this time?"

"Relax. And quit splashing. You really don't want to get me all that wet. It would not be a pretty sight," he said good-naturedly, but then sobered. "But if you want me to go, I will."

Hercules pondered a moment, then slowly let up his grip on the other man's hands and gave another sigh, this one of defeat. Iolaus was watching him intently; a look of mischief mixed with desire showing plainly on his face. Resistance was pretty much futile at this point. *It DID feel nice* Those magical fingers had now moved on to his temples, instantly dissipating a slight headache he'd had for days, before proceeding to explore the high planes of his cheekbones and strong set of his jaw. "So soft and smooth." The hands moved lower until they grazed the now cooling water. Hot breath and a whisper close to his ear. "Get out of the tub."

Taking this as a perfect cue, Iolaus was out of the bath as fast as he had entered it. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went over to throw a few more logs in the enormous fireplace. After lighting a couple of more candles, digging some vials out of his pack, and placing them on a table by the bed, he looked around with a satisfied grin. That grin soon turned into an audible gasp as he watched Hercules rise from the water.

After all these years, he didn't think he'd ever get used to the sight. The larger man was totally oblivious to the masculine beauty and grace with which he leapt over the side and shook his head, flicking droplets of water throughout the room. In an effort to escape the unexpected shower, Iolaus sprang back catching his foot in a pair of discarded leathers and landed with an undignified thud on the floor. Hercules laughed and held out a hand to pull the smaller man up. "I think you have way too many clothes on as it is. No need to add mine to the mix." He reached down to unlace the velvety tunic, running his hands over the sleek expanse of skin exposed after the shirt fell to the floor. 'So familiar....'

Unable to resist any longer, the demigod fell back on the bed, pulling Iolaus into a kiss as he did so. Hercules leisurely nibbled at the soft, tentative lips on his. He was rewarded with a low moan, and not so patient hips grinding against his. Not happy with the clothes chafing between them, the demigod rolled the blond over and began fumbling with the unfamiliar belts. Suddenly realizing that this wasn't who he was *supposed* to be with, Hercules glanced up to see Iolaus lounging comfortably on the other side of the bed, wine in hand, and watching them with interest.

"We look so good together," the blond drawled as he shifted position and crawled over to the other two men. "But this is supposed to be *our* show. You're supposed to be just sitting back and relaxing."

Hearing this, Iolaus wriggled out from under Hercules and proceeded to remove his own pants. "Yeah, seems like something was said about a massage earlier?"

"Relaxing and massage are not the two words that come to mind right now." Hercules replied, eyeing the two bronze visions that were busily trying to maneuver him to a workable position on the bed. "But I guess," he moaned as two pair of oil slicked hands began firm strokes up his calves and thighs, "I guess I could be persuaded." Within a matter of minutes, the demigod was lost in a sensual haze, aware only of the continuing manipulation of his muscles. Too soon he was being nudged over onto his back.

"Herc," a voice drifting through the fog, "don't go to sleep on us." He opened his eyes to try to discern who said it, but finally figured that it really didn't matter. Soft lips probing his, a tongue seeking entrance. Another mouth on his cock, engulfing it in moist heat but quickly removed. The sensation of cool air blown on his member. On and on his body was teased and tantalized, almost pushing him beyond endurance. Finally a slick finger was probing his anus. This was followed by a second, third and...fourth? Hercules writhed, pushing against the intruding digits. They seemed to be purposefully avoiding the sweet spot that would send him over the edge, instead simply rotating and stretching that band of muscle to its limits. "Gods, please...." He ground out, begging for release.

The former jester watched the effect he was having on Hercules with extreme satisfaction. Only a bit left to go and hopefully he'd send the demigod to Elysia and back. A slight push and he suddenly felt his whole hand swallowed into that tight cavern. He stilled, waiting for a reaction.

Hercules froze as he realized what was being done to him. A second of pain followed by such a feeling of fullness that it was almost indescribable. Part of him wanted to relish this experience as long as possible, but the lower part of his anatomy needed relief. He wriggled experimentally before pistoning his body up and down on the invading mass with single-minded intensity. "OhGodsOhGodsOhGods." A mantra, rising in volume as fingers literally surrounded his prostate, milking it rhythmically. The son of Zeus clawed at the sheets; a spectrum of colors flashing before his eyes as his orgasm overtook him.

"Herc, hey buddy, are you with us?" Iolaus poked at the demigod's chest tentatively. "Iolaus, I think you killed him." He couldn't believe the scene he'd just witnessed. It was probably the most erotic sight he'd ever seen, and his cock twitched in anticipation. Their extended foreplay had taken its toll, leaving his body quivering with unquenched desire.

Hercules suddenly raised up on his elbows, and shook his head slightly to clear it. He felt totally and utterly satiated but seeing those two tense, sweaty bodies before him, a deliciously wicked idea was borne. "I want to watch you fuck." He purred in a low voice that left no room for argument. The two men looked at each other warily for a moment, each judging the others reaction.

Iolaus was the first to respond, shrugging nonchalantly. "Why not?" Then grinning. "But who fucks who?" A now giggling hunter grabbed out for Iolaus, intent on being the aggressor, but was a bit surprised to be met with resistance. This started a minor scuffle as both wrestled for dominance over the other.

Using the headboard to lean back against for leverage, Iolaus soon had the other blond trapped with a strong arm across his breastbone and one wrapped around his waist. Shifting on his haunches, he played with his center of gravity a bit to ensure he'd have the stamina for what was to come before beginning a low commentary to his hostage. "Watch him, Iolaus. If Herc wants a show, we'll damn well give it to him. He's such a voyeur anyway but seeing us like this is about to drive him off the deep end." He paused to nibble an unadorned ear while grabbing a vial of oil and pouring it liberally between them. Guiding his aching cock between the creamy globes in front of him, Iolaus questioned. "How fast can you take it? I don't know how much longer I can hold out."

In response Iolaus braced his knees and thrust backwards, impaling himself completely on the hunter's shaft. Gasping from the white-hot pain/pleasure that was shooting through his body all he could manage was a strangled, "How's that?" while squirming to find just the right angle for optimal gratification.

Iolaus hissed at the unexpected onslaught. *This was going to be quick. * He tried to pull away some to regroup but Iolaus followed his movements perfectly while frantically trying to relocate Iolaus' hand around his weeping erection. *Figures. Maybe we're more alike than I thought. * Eager to test his theory he shifted his attention to the throbbing flesh in hand. Using his thumb to caress the oozing head, he firmly pumped up and down its length while rotating his wrist slightly. This got the expected results as Iolaus stiffened and held his breath. Feeling his balls tighten in preparation, Iolaus hastened the velocity of his hand and hips and whispered hotly, "Come for me. Come for Herc. Think of all the nights you yearned for him."

Letting out a guttural moan, Iolaus pitched forward catching himself on his hands and came longer and harder than he could ever remember.

The heady combination of the lithe muscles working beneath him and the internal muscle milking his cock brought the hunter over the edge. Locking eyes with Hercules, completely losing himself in that heated gaze, Iolaus' seed spewed into his twin at the same time that the demigod jetted a second orgasm into his own hand.

No one moved for an eternity. All that could be heard in the room was a few ragged breaths. Hercules was the first to break the spell by rising and padding around the room to find a towel. Iolaus mumbled grumpily as he watched his fastidious partner blowing out candles and generally tidying up the room. Hercules chuckled, hearing Iolaus' complaints and he lobbed the wadded towel at the pair on the bed hard enough to send them both tumbling to the floor.

"It's a good thing I'm used to such treatment." Iolaus commented primly, but grinning as he extracted himself from the still grumbling form beneath him. He rose and tried to restore the bed to some semblance of order, fluffing pillows and straightening blankets.

Iolaus sat up and shook his head at the two busy bodies. Waiting for the precise moment when it looked like Iolaus had finished with his arranging, a grinning hunter dove into the bed and burrowed under the covers. "Last one in gets the wet spot!" He wrinkled his nose and scooted over a few more inches. "Spots."

"Iolaus, you sleep on the WET ground all the time. Get over it." Hercules growled as he forcefully scooted the blond over to try to make enough room for his bulk. "Anyway, this monstrosity is more than big enough for all of us." He glanced pointedly at Iolaus who was obviously trying to gather his clothes in the semi-darkness. "Planning on going somewhere?"

"Well, I didn't know if..." Iolaus began uncomfortably. "I mean..." Both men were staring at him as if he'd grown another head. He shrugged and climbed into the spot that Hercules was patting beside him, inwardly overjoyed at the opportunity to snuggle up to the demigod. Within minutes, all three drifted into a contented slumber.

Hercules was the first to wake up to bright sun streaming in the window the next morning. His arms encircled two warm bodies and both tousled golden mops were resting on his chest. A goofy smile lit up his features as he let his head fall back on the pillow intent on relishing the moment. The slight jostling woke Iolaus as he groggily squinted against the bright light. Hercules squeezed the hunter briefly and commented, "What a night. Thanks, I think."

`Whatta ya mean, you think?" Iolaus asked with an astounded look on his face.

"Don't get me wrong, it was great. Just a little...intense." Hercules grimaced, as if just now realizing he had a literal pain in his ass. "And it's a good thing we don't ride horses."

Iolaus laughed at this. He had been awake for awhile, just content to eavesdrop. "Just think, the Sov didn't like any preparation whatsoever!"

"What?" Hercules sat up; aghast at the thought he'd actually enjoyed something that his evil counterpart would. As he shifted, several stray feathers were launched into the air. "What the?" He parroted again, fishing around in the covers, only releasing more feathers into the atmosphere.

Iolaus seemed unfazed, shrugging slightly. "Must be a god-thing is all I can figure. Maybe a higher sensory tolerance? Ares taught it to me-said he invented it." He got out of bed a little reluctantly and shimmied into his pants. "I really gotta be going. "Aphrodite might renege on her offer if I don't make it back on time."

"Ares?" Iolaus mouthed to Hercules, eyebrows rose halfway up his forehead. He was already up and wandering seemingly aimlessly around the room.

Hercules swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to dress. "Remember, white leather, god of love?" Hercules grinned as he strapped on his gauntlets. His eyes suddenly widened as he saw the origin of the earlier feather explosion. There were two long tears in the mattress. He reddened and hastily pulled the covers up, hoping neither of his companions had noticed.

"Oh, yeah. Must have slipped my mind." The hunter answered distractedly as he tried to locate all of his clothes. *How was it that HIS always went missing? * A few minutes later he took quick inventory of all his found garments as he slipped them on. "Oh, and Herc, why don't you just flip the mattress over? Maybe they'll never notice." Iolaus snickered as he darted out of the room to find some breakfast.

Hercules shook his head and smiled weakly at Iolaus. "Come on, maybe if we drag Iolaus out of here real quick, I won't have to build a barn or repair a roof to pay for all this." After surveying the room in broad daylight, the demigod couldn't resist leaving several extra dinars on the bedside table before shaking his head again and heading downstairs also.

The three men made good time back to the ocean. When they reached the beach, Iolaus immediately zeroed in on a large boulder and began shoving at it. It was moving albeit very, very slowly. "Here, let me help." Hercules laughed and effortlessly slid the rock out of the way. Iolaus lifted a lid to a wooden box buried in the sand and began stripping off his boots and shirt and placing them in it. Before getting completely naked, he stood up and shyly clasped wrists with Hercules and Iolaus in turn. Now that the heat of the moment had passed, words escaped him.

"Be well, Iolaus." Hercules said warmly, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Tell Nautica hello for me."

Iolaus began to speak but was interrupted by a shout from the distance. He scanned the water to find a golden head bobbing a couple of hundred feet out. She waved, darted under the water and resurfaced a bit closer.

Iolaus quickly divested himself of his pants and folded them neatly before placing them on top of the rest of his clothes. He seemed completely unaware of his nakedness and seemed quite surprised to see the other two men gaping at him. "What? I don't need them in there." He pointed to the ocean. "And I can't bloody well walk into town in the buff, now can I?" His mouth dropped open as he glanced over to notice Iolaus disrobing also.

"Iolaus..." Hercules admonished while trying to smile and wave at the mermaid.

"What? It would be rude not to give a greeting." The blond seemed mesmerized with the figure in the waves. "At least I'm staying decent." He called over his shoulder as he sprinted for the surf.

"I wouldn't call that decent." Hercules muttered darkly as he viewed the scanty breechcloth that his lover was wearing. "You better follow quick or Nautica might clock him. He's not real subtle. His curiosity sometimes gets the better of him."

Iolaus laughed merrily as he headed out for the water with a backward wave. "I think she can take care of herself." He added as a resounding smack carried through the air, followed by a sheepish "Sorry!".

Hercules replaced the boulder back over the hidden cubbyhole and perched on it to watch his three friends frolicking in the surf. Maybe he'd join them.... Later.

THE END

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