Never Leave Town On Your Birthday

Chapter I

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"OOOOOHHH!!!" stormed Aphrodite, stomping up and down in her temple in a perfect rage. Her billowing blonde curls bounced and whirled right along with the filmy, revealing pink gown she sort of wore. "How DARE he!!! She mocked a kingly voice while wiggling her fingers--"'If you try that ploy again of keeping provinces under my rule at war with each other just to have twice as many temples built in your honor, I'll personally see to it that they ALL are torn down!' How DARE he! I will have my way, I WILL! I always get what I want! I'll--I'll--"

She was incoherent, jibbering to herself about what mischief she would do to the miscreant. Suddenly, "Ah!" and she snapped her well-manicured fingers. Giggling, she disappeared in a spinning shower of pink rose petals.

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Head swathed in a towel, Princess Zara strolled down the hall of the Amazon castle, humming quietly to herself, smiling a mysterious smile. A nice, long bubble bath had been just the perfect start to what she hoped would be a fantastic birthday. She had had such a wonderful time last year and she was looking forward to a long dance with her escorts that evening.

"And a great day of fun." She chuckled to herself, thinking of what varieties of "fun" she could have with the escorts who she trusted were looking forward to her special day as much as she was. Her mind was lost in daydreams but not so far gone that she wasn't aware of something amiss. "Okay, what's this, I know I shut that door??" At the same time she muttered this to herself, she unwrapped the towel from her head and brunette waves of hair fell to brush her shoulders.

Through her open chamber door, she spotted a figure frantically pursuing something. Zara entered and saw a familiar face.

"Twanky, is that you?" she inquired, puzzled. "What in Tartarus are you doing in my chamber?" The little, older woman, the famed Widow Twanky, was in an unusually flustered state. She stopped her frantic pursuit of the unseen object, raised wide blue eyes to regard Zara with a degree of embarrassment, then, ever the proud, self-contained and dignified matron, lifted her hands to straighten her coiffed hair and her stylish dress. She was about to speak when Zara asked, "And what are you chasing?"

Then Zara saw it; her green eyes widened. "Oh my!!"

At that moment a small creature leaped through the air, directly at Zara's face. Using her lightning-quick Amazon reflexes, Zara snatched it, and was about to throw it against the nearest wall in disgust, when Twanky screamed.

"By the gods, don't kill it! Girl, that's King Iphicles. He got oot of me 'andbag!! Oh, it's 'orrible, just 'orrible, so it is. Not the creatur' but what happened to make it a creatur'."

Zara opened her palm gingerly. There, sitting in her hand was a tiny much-put-upon-looking frog. He croaked weakly, as if to say "Thanks for the favor of NOT killing me."

She regarded Twanky in dismay. "THIS is King Iphicles? No way. You've got to be kidding. What happened and how did you get him?" She peered again at the unhappy frog, trying to believe that the respected Widow had not suddenly lost her mind and this truly was the beloved King of Corinth.

"Well, y'see, I was going to visit the King to discuss plans for the dance troupe's performance this week at the castle of Corinth."

"Tonight, I believe is the date?" prompted Zara with a smile that was just short of a smirk.

"Mmm, indeed! I had just been shown into the chamber where we would visit, when what do you think? Aphrodite 'erself comes flashing in, and she was mad as a mischief, so she was. If looks could kill! She sashayed right up to the King saucy as you please--you should have seen the looks on the servants' faces!--stood nose to nose with him, going on about something to do with temples and wars...then she said she was going to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget." Twanky's small hands were waving in excitement at what she had witnessed. "She zapped him, just like that...and next thing anyone knew, the King was--like this! Underneath of his crown, which was sittin' down on the floor. I picked him up and put him in me 'andbag to protect him from Aphrodite, but she soon disappeared. Not sure just wot I thought I could do for him, maybe go and see her brother Ares, who might be able to reverse the spell. Or maybe talk to that looverly 'Ercules about it. P'r'aps he could discuss the situation with Zeus." This was the first time Zara remembered ever seeing Twanky at an obvious loss. "I decided to nip in here at the Amazon castle to try and find him...'Ercules I mean." The worthy Widow couldn't help glancing hopefully around the room.

"Uh, he and Iolaus are out of town, at present."

"Tsk," the Widow shook her blonde curly head. "Shame, that. Would've been delightful to see Hunk and Jr. Hunk again, it's been a wee while."

Zara needed to draw the Widow's attention back to the problem at hand...in hand, to be precise. "Now then, I could try the usual option, which is this." And doing her best to avoid grimacing in revulsion, Zara lifted the frog to her lips and kissed it. It croaked a bit louder and looked somewhat happier, but it was still very much a frog, as green and slippery as before. "Okay, we'll try again." And the girl kissed the frog a second time. Nothing happened. After several kisses, the frog wore a decidedly pleased aspect, even for an amphibian. But the traditional approach was doing nothing to transform it back to King Iphicles.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough," suggested Twanky. "Really `give it a go.' I know it's tough, but after all..."

"Don't say it! Twanky," Zara snapped, "I'm not in the mood."

"Erhm," and the Widow's expression registered a slight 'I beg your pardon' affront. She vainly touched her coiffed blonde curls. "I was about to say I would try meself, but although I am a fine handsome woman for me age," and here she had to swallow her pride, "'tis best in these circumstances to be a nubile yoong female such as yerself."

Zara set her jaw. "Okay, this time, with my eyes closed for `all the marbles.'" And she made a face in concentration. "Please, merciful gods, let this work, I think I'm getting a wart!!"

As Zara was an Amazon, who always "keeps her word," no matter how revolting the task before her, she dutifully squeezed her eyes shut and kissed that unfortunate frog with as much gusto as possible. A voice echoed in her chamber. But it was NOT the voice she had expected to hear.

"You'll forgive me if I forgo the `traditional Birthday Kiss,'" rumbled a deep voice from behind her. "Although you have picked something very interesting to 'practice on.'"

Zara winced in dismay, and shot Twanky a "couldn't you TELL me that Herk came back and was standing behind me?" look. "He's YOUR Big Brother, and your sister did this, so don't--"

With that, she whirled about to give the newcomer a further earful. Seeing that it wasn't Hercules but Kull, she gasped, mouth agape. "Oh, forgive me, Your Majesty, apparently none of my staff knows how to ANNOUNCE anyone anymore!!"

Kull, dressed in regal purple, looking a little confused, solemnly regarded Zara. He held a bouquet of pink roses, as well as a box of her favorite candy. He remarked, "As the King of Valusia, I am well versed in royal protocol, but your staff seems to be, ehr, missing something. They all are running around, looking under tables and into vases, urns and pots. Good thing I'm friendly, or..." He trailed off, as at that moment a young female servant appeared to set the box of candy on the nearest table and place the roses into a glass vase. Then he asked brightly, even while casting a glance of distaste toward the frog, "Would you like me to dispose of that, or is it a new pet, a birthday present, perhaps? Although I personally would have gone for something warm and furry."

At this, the frog wiggled its back legs as if, were it back to its normal state as a human, it would have liked to deliver a kick to the speaker...not that such behavior was within royal character...but even a frog could have the wayward daydream.

Zara sighed. "No, but let me introduce you." She inclined her head towards Kull.

"Kull, King of Valusia," she then nodded towards her palm, "meet Iphicles, King of Corinth." She nodded again towards her friend Twanky, who was now clearly in a state of fluttery infatuation, blushing like a woman half her age, bosom heaving and trembling over her entire compact frame. "And Madam Twanky, Official King Rescuer."

The Widow composed herself adequately to enable her to drop a dramatic curtsey. "Your Majesty, 'tis an honor."

Kull observed what Zara held in her palm with approximately the same incredulous expression her own face had held earlier upon entering the chamber. "Heard of him, but I thought he was taller," he answered. "And less...green." Then he graciously offered his hand to Twanky. "Charmed, madam."

"Oh! But the pleasure is all mine, to be sure, Sire," and the Widow openly ogled the King, even walked slowly around him to appreciate the tall supremely handsome gentleman from every angle. "I'm certain you are an excellent dancer," she remarked.

"Uhm, Twanky," Zara spoke up, "er, would you kindly step out and inform the servants that the missing frog has been found?"

Despite being all atwitter over the the gorgeous King, Twanky was wise enough to instantly take Zara's hint, bobbed her head and bustled out of the room.

Zara smiled at her visitor. "I have to try to fix this, you know."

"So, I take it, this isn't his normal form??" Kull jested. The frog gave a large "croak" of indignation. "No sense of humor, either, I see. SO, how long has he been like this?"

Quickly Zara told the story, eliciting responses of, "Oh, you're jesting!!" and "Oh, now that's a little harsh," and "O-HH, and THAT'S when I came in," interspersed with chuckles of laughter, and increasingly irritated "croaking" noises from the topic of conversation.

"So, how do I help in this dilemma?" inquired a still laughing Kull. "Oh, lighten up, will you, Iphicles," he told the protesting frog. "You would think this was funny, if it was happening to someone else. Besides, you got plenty of kisses out of the deal so far; so the morning hasn't been a total disaster."

"And, considering what YOU had to kiss, to save YOUR kingdom, I had it easy!!" Zara laughed. "Oh, I can't believe I said that, but it feels good to laugh. I thought I'd cry when the kiss didn't `do' anything. I'm not really sure what to do now."

"Well, I can do this!!" Kull leaned over and planted a kiss on Zara. It was a long, passionate, soul-searing kiss. Zara felt her knees buckle, and almost dropped Iphicles.

"URemph," Twanky's voice interrupted, quietly.

"Knocking and ANNOUNCING...this whole next week, we can GOING TO PRACTICE knocking and announcing!!" Zara growled into Kull's chest. "Yes, Twanky?"

"I'd not have interrupted, but it seems the longer we leave the King 'in his condition,' the more we risk a PERMANENT change," Twanky said irritably. "Your herbalist thinks she has a possible cure." She gestured to the older lady, who quickly curtseyed. "Liza, I believe she said her name was."

Zara smiled, "I was hoping someone knew something. Liza's great, she's cured many ailments around here. So, what do we do, and how long do we have before the change is permanent?"

Liza looked at Zara, her black earrings catching the sunlight. "There is an herb on Mt Eton; the herb is called `Morning Heather.' It's a blue flower with gold leaves. If you make a weak tea with it and give him a bath, it should work. BUT, it withers at noon, and then it doesn't re-sprout until the next morn."

"So, if she doesn't make it there by noon?" Kull asked carefully, already anticipating the dreadful answer.

"At sunset, the curse is usually permanent. So, in that case, you won't be able to reverse it." Liza bit her lip, in an attitude of reluctance to act as the `bearer of bad news.' "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you need to hurry."

Zara inquired about exact growing conditions and probable locations to find the herb, then looked up at Kull. "Got to go, King to save!!"

"Oh, and Ma'am, King Iphicles is late for his usual 'monthly Grievance Day,'" Liza added. "Should we help 'stall' the petitioners?"

Zara winced. "I'd forgotten, I was supposed to be done with our day, BY noon," she explained to Kull, "and come by and `rescue' him," she added with a small chuckle for the frog's benefit. "Birthday people CAN interrupt 'Grievance Day,' but now..."

"People state their problems, and the King resolves the dispute?" Kull surmised. "I can handle that, since I have the same thing in Valusia." He frowned. "Left the axe at home, though."

"What??" Zara exclaimed, her mouth forming a round "O."

"Your Majesty, really!" chided Twanky.

A loud "RIBBET" issued from the tiny amphibian.

Liza just hid her smile behind her hand.

"Hey, sometimes, you need to make a point!!" Kull protested, with a wink. "I don't do it often; dulls the axe," and his tone was suddenly sheepish. "And dents the floor, too." He then smiled and brightened, "Okay, Mt Eton, then."

"No," Zara shook her head, "You're royalty, do `grievances,' I'll get the herb."

"WE will get the 'herb,'" interrupted Twanky, saying the word with the "h" sounded, as it was pronounced in her native Britannia. "You're NOT going alone, yoong lass, too many ruffians about." She straightened her dress in determination and now assumed that familiar imperious manner, complete with hands clapped above her head. "Let's go, we burn daylight standing about!!" She looked down with a sigh, "Oh, blimey, I wish I 'adn't worn these shoes, they are perfect for dancing but not made for hiking. But still. Let's push on!! Our legs aren't painted on, you know," dramatically waving an arm in the style of an army general.

She made for the door, and favored the herbalist with a nod. "Liza, do be a dear and have lunch for us when we get back."

Zara started after her, but hesitated. "And, Liza, get the Royal Vermin Killer, please..."

"ROYAL vermin killer??" Kull interrupted, incredulously, "You HAVE one of those!! You're an AMAZON, for gods' sake; can't you kill your own Vermin??"

Zara put her hands on her hips. "CASTLE RULES--I have to be `fully staffed.' Anyway, we have a cricket in here; I saw it this morning before my bath, have him find it and kill it."

"Er, Your Highness," stammered Twanky, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. "That won't be necessary. The king was feeling a little peckish, so to speak, and..." she trailed off. "Well, he fixed the problem, and almost choked too!! The bloody bug was `alf as big as him." More laughter. "Well, it WAS!!"

"Okay," Zara said, "We get the `erb; and Liza, can you take Kull to the King's castle for me, please?'

"Yes, Ma'am," she said meekly, "I'll just be getting my shawl, it's a little nippy out."

Liza left quickly, and shut the door. Zara looked at Kull sadly. "This isn't the birthday I had planned. Are you okay with this??"

He kissed her lightly. "It will be fine, you'll see." He gestured towards the waiting Twanky, who now wore a look of impatience. "Go and save the king, but be careful."

In the hall, "Liza" had changed into a grinning Discord. "Great. She saw a cricket and the King's a frog. PERFECT!! Picking 'morning heather' on your birthday turns you into whatever insect you saw first. That bothersome King will eat her and I'll be rid of them both. HAHAHA!" She disappeared at the last HA.

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Chapter II

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Zara had been born and raised as an Amazon, so chilly weather didn't bother her much, she was used to hunting and fighting in much worse conditions than this. Both the women wore furry cloaks, although Zara insisted she would have been fine without hers. The Widow, however, was unaccustomed to "roughing it" and lamented at intervals over the rawness of the wind and the sad state of her shoes. "At least," she said with a somewhat forced smile, "this isn't me best dress."

Yet Alice Twanky, nee Cudlip, was of a robust constitution and furthermore, was never one to let anything or anyone get her down...at least, not for very long. Despite the discomforts of trudging up the narrow mountain road, she began to sing and twitter snatches of song, as well as reminiscing aloud over the various dance recitals and performances certain songs had been played or sung at. Zara pressed grimly on, taciturn but realizing that Twanky's chatter and warbling provided enough diversion for the minds of both away from any worrisome negative thoughts. At least they didn't have to worry about the safety of Iphicles the frog; for safety's sake he had been placed back into Twanky's handbag.

"Okay, I wonder how far up the mountain we should expect to find the herb?" Zara pointed toward a thick area of likely-looking verdure. "Twanky, why don't you start searching over there, Liza said the herb grows around rocky places in full sun. And I'll look over here."

"Very well, and I shall just place this sweet little froggums onto this nice patch of moss where he'll be safe and sound." Zara heard the Widow cooing over the handbag, which wiggled restlessly albeit the moss was undeniably soft and comfortable. Then she began her own search for a blue flower with gold leaves. Only a few minutes went by before Zara suddenly cried out, "I found some! There isn't a lot of it, but we don't need a great amount to make enough tea to give the King a bath."

"Mmm, I could go for a nice hot cuppa tea meself about now. To say nothing of a hot bath. With cream and sugar, that is. I mean in the tea, not the bath." Twanky raised up from where she had been stooped in her own search, and placed a hand to the small of her back momentarily. "Ouch! Goodness, I'm not as young as I used to be, so it seems!" She hastened over to see what Zara had found. "Hmm, so that's wot it looks like! I wasn't certain. Let me dash off now and get us some firewood, we could make a fire just here and have the tea brewed up before you can say 'Jack's a doughnut.'" Before Zara could protest and insist on going for the wood herself, Twanky had scampered off to a shadowy part of the nearby forested area, leaping like a rabbit over rocks, fallen logs or tussocks of tall grass.

"She may be a bossy, overbearing old matron," Zara said to herself, "but she surprises me, she's dependable as Helios in his chariot! And I know she can fight, too, although she's pretty far removed from us Amazons." Zara's green eyes instinctively scanned the territory. "Not much to worry about if bandits or barbarians should happen along. We make a good team."

Soon Twanky was back, carrying an armload of deadwood for a fire. Zara was scouting for a suitable spot to set it ablaze, and had a couple of stones at hand to set off the sparks. She chose a location near a little stream rivulet flowing down among the boulders. Once the fire was going, the two women and the frog could warm themselves before its flames. Zara had a little pot in her pouch to set up to boil the water. After it was bubbling, it was an easy matter to put the herbs into the water and make the solution. Both the women eyed it impatiently until it was exactly the right color and they could also smell its aroma.

"Okay, Iphicles, it won't be long now," Zara held the frog and stroked its back with a fingertip. She was trying to keep anxiety out of her voice as they waited for the concoction to cool enough to give the small creature a warm bath. "Boy...when I think of doing this, I have a FAR different scenario in mind!" she laughed gently, even though the frog's wide mouth seemed to downturn almost imperceptibly, in disapproval. Iphicles made a very ill-humored frog.

"I think it's about ready now, dearie," declared Twanky after placing a pinky finger into the small pot. "Now let's carefully put the poor little fellow into here, and then I think we should stand back!" She couldn't avoid lightly clapping her hands together in glee at the delightful mental image of the hoped-for results.

"Are you sure?" Zara tested the tea herself, then nodded. "That seems fine. Okay," she smiled her own hopes but her hands trembled as she reverently lifted the frog and lowered him into the warm liquid.

Both the women now stood up and stepped back to witness the miracle.

Nothing.

And to make matters worse, Twanky saw to her shock that Zara had disappeared...and in her place was a cricket!

"Okay, this is interesting," thought Zara. "I feel a little weird, and...OH NO!!"

THWACK, a long sticky tongue enveloped her, and she lost consciousness.

"OH, no you don't," Twanky yelled, as she grabbed the errant frog's tongue which was now firmly attached to the cricket. "KING or no, You are NOT eating THAT cricket, not while I`ve anything to say about it!!"

She gingerly peeled the tongue off the cricket. "Oh, Lor, the things I do for Royalty!!"

She held Zara the cricket gently, and prodded. "Twinkle, are you okay, open your eyes, say something, DO SOMETHING!!"

She sternly regarded the frog, who was looking VERY ASHAMED, "Now, don't you go `hopping off,' I need to think." She began fuming. "Oh, just wait until I get back to that castle, that 'Liza' woman is going to fix this!! Cure, my left foot!! Blasted waste of time and good shoe leather, if you ask me. And just look at this dress, a perfect disgrace..."

A flutter of wings interrupted her rant. "Actually, you should be grateful to Liza," a quiet male voice assured Twanky. "Kull went looking for her, when she didn't return for an hour and a half, to see what was keeping her. He also found this."

Cupid, in his entire golden splendor, was standing in front of Twanky, who was once again getting that fluttery, giddy, palpitating-heart feeling. In his outstretched palm he held a black earring. "He found it, in the hall outside Zara's chamber."

"Yes, yes," Twanky replied impatiently, composing herself as best she could for the crisis which was priority just now. "Liza was wearing those when I met her in the `all, and explained the mess. What of it?? How does that help cure Zara!!"

She wailed in frustration, echoed by a sad little "ribbet."

"Because the earring really belongs to Discord!!" Cupid almost shouted in his excitement. "The real Liza, when confronted, told Kull that SHE had been in the village all morning, delivering medicines, and had several eye witnesses to confirm her presence IN the Village. Kull told her what the fake Liza told you. That tea you both made does NOTHING to 'cure frogginess,' and if you happen to touch it on your birthday, YOU become the first insect you saw that day!!"

"Why that bluudy, rotten blighter...!!" Twanky began, and then caution silenced her, in mid-rant. "And, to fix it, Liza said to..."

"And Liza doesn't know how to 'fix' that!! Fortunately, I do."

"More tea??" Twanky said, gently but with gritted teeth, "Right, what `erb will we be needing now!!"

"No," Cupid said resolutely. "I just have to remember a really horrible day, and cry. Although, I'm almost there now, I'm just glad she didn't get eaten."

"Yes, err...right, and a good thing that was!!" Twanky replied as her cheeks colored brightly. No point in getting a certain "frog" in trouble. "Remember this, when we negotiate contract terms." she muttered to the "frog."

"CROAK!!"

Twanky brought the frog close and said quietly, "I do hope for both your sakes, he can remember something, but I would think everyday would be a good day, for a love god." Her wide blue eyes took in the dazzling spectacle standing before her. "By Zeus, but he's a right 'andsome bloke, all golden and sparkly looking. If only I was 20 years younger... But there is something to be said for experience!"

The only thing that had gone correctly today was that Cupid was NOT listening. He stood, eyes closed, thinking, remembering. A look of sorrow passed over his face, deepening his frown. The scowl deepened to an expression of extreme melancholy. He was digging deep, going for his worst memory.

"Oh, my, he does look soomething awful!! I wonder what `e's rememberin'," Twanky mused. At last, it worked! "Oh, no, he went overboard, we only needed one tear. He's a rooddy waterworks!"

Cupid was indeed sobbing, and Twanky quickly positioned Zara's inert form in the "deluge." The frog watched in earnest, hoping for the best.

"Now, I hope this works, but I have to get `er doon before she changes back! She's gettin' a mite 'eavy for me 'and." Twanky quickly set the cricket on the ground. "Oh, here she goes."

Zara's inert form appeared. Twanky patted her hand encouragingly. "Wake up, Your Highness, you've had a bit of a shock. But, things are better now."

Zara stirred fitfully; her green eyes fluttered open. "Oh, my head aches," she groaned, "what hit me!?"

"Best you don't remember, dearie, believe me," Twanky answered. "I`ve got some bad news. The tea--"

"Didn't work and the king is still a frog," Zara finished for her. "Yes, I remember that fact, for some reason. Can we reheat it and try again?"

"NO!" Twanky's yell was accentuated by a loud protesting "croak." She patted the Amazon's hand consolingly. "It was a trap for you, luvie!!--set by that awful Discord. She disguised herself as that nice 'Liza.' I should've known!" She set her square jaw, irritated beyond words at being made a fool of. "If Cupid himself 'adn't come to 'elp, I don't know wot I... "

"Croak."

"Right, WE," she amended, "would have doon to save you. Can you be standin' up, then?"

Zara nodded, as she rose to her feet. A penitient-looking frog, its eyes brimming with tears, hopped up next her ankles. She cupped her palm, scooped him up and raised him gently to her face. "We WILL sort this out, so don't give up, Your Majesty. And don't cry, it's bad for morale."

She observed Cupid, whose face was still wet. "I'm not sure what happened, but thanks. Are you okay? I've never seen you cry, I don't think anyone ever has." She looked again at Iphicles. "For that matter, I've never seen a frog cry, either."

"Actually," said Cupid, "SHE makes me cry a lot. Every time I have to fix one of her `little jokes.'" His face began to darken in anger. "And now, SHE IS GOING TO FIX HER OWN MESS!!" He yelled at the sky, "MOOMMM!! YOU GET DOWN HERE... RIGHT NOW!!"

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Chapter III

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A firm feminine voice retorted from above. "Don't you dare take that tone with me, young man!! HE had it coming!!"

"DID SHE HAVE IT COMING, TOO??" Cupid shouted back. "SHE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!!"

Aphrodite flashed in, with more glare than usual, and a lot less glittery sparkle. She stood pouting up at her tall son, almost as if she were the younger and he the elder. The mother and son didn't always get on well together, since for the most part Cupid acted like a typical volatile teenager. Not that Aphrodite wasn't above such behavior. No one had to think very hard to figure out where Cupid's difficult personality came from. Today, however, he seemed to be the one acting in a more reasonable manner.

"Oh Sweetie," Aphrodite chose the consoling and sentimental route, "you're just upset. Besides, DISCORD tricked the Amazon babe into becoming a cricket; I had nothing to do with it.

"Getting her offed wouldn't necessarily be any big hairy deal, anyway. Brother Herkie could go visit Hades and work something out. Hades always listens to Bro." Aphrodite shrugged, sighed, then raised her arms to run her fingers through her hair while looking off across the mountainside to help herself calm down. "Bor-ring; this place isn't my idea of interesting! Not a rose in sight!"

Cupid laid a hand on her shoulder to regain her wandering attention. He tried but failed to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "Yes, Mother, I know, YOU are never responsible when someone else 'uses' your little fits of temper to THEIR advantage. And you don't care WHAT day they happen to fall on," glancing over at Zara. His voice trembled. "You HAVE to do something to save the King!"

She folded her arms and the pair stared at each other obstinately.

"You can't make me! I'm angry at him! How DARE he defy me!" she fumed.

Zara watched in horror as Cupid's shoulders shook, then he broke down in tearful sobs. Twanky immediately embraced him, gently rocking him back and forth. An impressive feat, since he overshadowed her by a good foot.

"There, there," she murmured quietly, trying to soothe him, "Mums and sons have issues all their own. I'm sure whatever she did, she only had yer best interests to heart."

Twanky continued rocking Cupid, while Zara wiped her eyes with her free hand. Iphicles emitted a small "ribbet" of sympathy. No one noticed that Aphrodite had stepped over to join the sad little group.

"I thought you were over that," she said, contritely, laying a palm on Cupid's still-shaking shoulders. "It was SO long ago. You were only four at the time, with such cute little rosy--"

Cupid shrugged off Aphrodite's palm and raised his tear-stained face, angrily glaring over Twanky's shoulder at his mother. "Don't talk to me about how cute I was. Not until you fix this."

Twanky, understanding the dangers of being literally "in the middle" of a family argument, released Cupid. "I'll be over there with Zara and the king," she sniffled, as the moment had affected her maternal instincts. "I need to get an 'anky anyway."

"Oh Honey," Aphrodite began, in a renewed effort to placate her son. Cupid resolutely folded his arms and shook his head.

Twanky noted that the pained expression on his face hadn't abated in the least, and felt duty bound to intercede once more.

"I saw everything that 'appened," she reminded Aphrodite, bravely covering her own desperation, "I was there and I know! I--"

Aphrodite turned on the spunky little woman with a sneer. "Careful, old lady, or I might just change YOU into a bug!"

Twanky narrowed her eyes and advanced nearer until she was inches from the beautiful goddess's sulky face. "Don't call ME an 'old lady,' you selfish little witch! If you would just get doon from off your 'high horse' long enough to listen to me--!"

'Dite turned away but Cupid stood in her path. "Mom! Listen to her, at least! Show a little respect!" and he gestured to the Widow to continue, which she did.

"I WAS going to give you a promise to negotiate with the King here about having more temples built across the land and..." she flung out an arm, "and even in other countries such as my 'omeland Britannia, why ever not? That way you would have many, many more worshipers than you could 'ope to have in just one little country!" 'Dite suddenly squealed in delight, but there was another side to Twanky's dinar.

She wagged an admonishing finger. "On the other hand, consider this: if you don't do wot we ask, the Amazons who've been tending your rose garden will let it all run to weeds and beetles. AND, I could persuade Iolaus not to come and pay those special visits to your boudoir anymore!"

"You wouldn't! But oh well, I have plenty of other boy toys." Aphrodite tried to look nonchalant, but she did feel uneasy about these possibilities. Her beloved rose garden? And Sweetcheeks...he and Iphicles hadn't always gotten along, but he'd do anything for Iphy's younger brother...their mutual brother. And Iolaus had always been a particular favorite of hers.

"I WOULD miss Iolaus," she admitted. She wrung her hands, then sighed again and yielded, "Okay. But," to her son, "I'm only saying this because YOU asked. A simple kiss from a 'woman of royalty' will break the spell..."

"We already tried that!!" chorused Zara and Twanky, their statement underscored by protesting "croaks" from a very exasperated frog.

"I am of royal lineage, and I kissed him," clarified Zara. "Nothing happened."

"Well, of course not, silly! He needs an OLD woman of royalty," chortled Aphrodite. "I figured if Iphicles had to get a kiss from some dried-up old crone missing all of her teeth..." She nodded towards Twanky. "Like her."

"Well, I never! Of all the... " Twanky sputtered, indignantly, and then exploded," I am NOT a 'dried up old crone', as you so in-elegantly phrased it!" She would have continued an angry rant, but better judgment told her not to further provoke Aphrodite.

Twanky glanced at Zara in apology. "If I'd known that, I'd've kissed 'im back at 'is castle when SHE zapped 'im. We never would've 'ad ANY of this foolishness of finding flowers and brewin' useless teas." She glowered back at Aphrodite, while haughtily declaring, "AND, for your information, Madam, I possess ALL of my teeth, thank you very much!!"

"So," sneered Aphrodite, "bite me."

Pointedly ignoring the snide remark, Twanky held out a palm to Zara. "The frog, if you please."

Zara handed a wary-looking frog to Twanky. "Err, unfortunately, Aphrodite ALSO said she had to be 'royal,' and..." Zara hesitated, hoping Twanky would finish the unspoken thought...

"Though I am a 'Queen of the Theatre,'" Twanky began expansively with an equally expansive spread of her arms, "I am ALSO the eighth cousin three times removed to the King of Derry." She paused, absorbed in thought. "Not that the relationship has benefited me with any royal patronage!! I swear that man is SO tight with his money." She brightened. "So, a kiss, is it? "

She raised the tiny creature to eye level. "You ready, yer majesty?" and winced. "Oh, I suppose a lady MUST be brave!! For King and country!!" she murmured, as she touched her lips to the waiting frog.

Zara was expecting a warning "poof"; but, as soon as Twanky's lips caressed him, the frog began to grow. "Quick, Twanky, put him...down."

Iphicles re-appeared on the word "down." He and Twanky fell to the ground in a sprawled heap. "'A fine woman for your age,' indeed you are, milady," he smiled gratefully at the bemused matron. Aphrodite giggled, involuntarily, but a dark glare from her son silenced her. Iphicles sighed in immense relief, then joined Cupid by fixing Aphrodite with his own baleful stare, while he began helping Twanky to her feet.

Zara, sensing things could easily backfire, quickly interjected, muttering so `Dite couldn't hear (she hoped!), "I know you're angry, but please, I'd like to have something go right today. Consider it a birthday request!!"

Iphicles bit back an angry retort. "Okay, but this isn't over. Not by a long shot!!"

He began gently brushing the dirt off Twanky. "Are you sure you are all right, milady? Let me get you both back to my castle."

"Well, I've `ad better days," Twanky began, then hesitated. "No, no permanent damage, I don't think." She assessed her damaged footwear and ripped skirt. "Well, to meself anyways."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to spend some time with Zara." Cupid interjected. "It's her birthday, and I ..." He looked at `Dite warningly. "But, I think I'd better make sure there will be no `accidents.'" Cupid brushed a remaining tear from his face and anointed Iphicles with it. "Just to be on the `safe' side," he added, again staring directly at his mother. "Everyone else is already `protected from harm' by these, I'd hate to have to do a repeat performance.'

"I don't know WHAT you are talking about," `Dite sniffed, reproachfully. "Oh, all right, TRUCE. I have better things to do, anyway." She disappeared in a shower of pink rose petals.

"Good; glad that's over. Wot a day!!" Twanky began brightly, and encircled Iphicles' arm jauntily, while starting towards the road leading into Corinth. "Now, speaking of performances, come let us discuss the upcoming s'hedule on the way back to your castle. I think we should--" She paused, and looked back at Cupid and Zara. "You WILL be all right, now??" she asked gently.

"She'll be just fine, I'll bring her back in a while," and he flapped his wings for emphasis. "Hey, these are functional, as well as decorative. I thought I demonstrated that before. So, she has transportation...."

"Actually, dearie," Twanky interrupted solicitously, "It was YOU I meant."

Overwhelmed by the sentiment, and still, in truth, feeling a little wounded, Cupid stared at Twanky for a moment, stunned. "Thanks, but no, I'll be fine too," he stammered, and smiled gently at her concern. He advised, "Be careful on the road with Twanky, Iphicles. The tears only protect you from Mom's and any other god's mischief. They don't do anything to protect you from other mortals."

Iphicles patted Twanky's hand protectively. "Don't worry; I won't let anything happen to my `official rescuer.' And Twanky, milady..."

"Yes, Your Majesty," she responded, smiling brightly up at him from her diminutive height. "Your lightest wish is law to my ear, Sire."

"I have another performance I'd like you to consider adding to your schedule." He gently swept aside some billowing blond curls and whispered into Twanky's waiting ear, as they continued walking.

"Oooh! Yes, of course, I had that very thought." Twanky nodded, "That can be arranged, although with the time limits it won't be quite as polished as I would like." She waved at the couple, "See you back at the castle, Zara!!"

-------------------------------------

Chapter IV

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cupid turned to Zara, embracing her. "Now, let's get the birthday celebration started." He looking around, amending quickly, "but not here, too many rocks."

"Rocks, schmocks, I'm an AMAZON already. I already have a nice fur-covered cloak!! We can use that for protection," Zara replied, laughing in anticipation of finally getting a proper birthday `present.' "Besides," she taunted, "don't you know any good healing spells? Come here, you!!"

She hurriedly unfastened the cloak and spread it on the ground. She laughed, while Cupid started doffing what little clothing he had been wearing, although she made no effort to do anything but take off her muddy boots.

"UHH-" Cupid began, puzzled at the `lack of effort.' "Is that ALL you want to take off?"

Zara smiled slyly, "I think I've done quite enough work on my birthday, thank you. Care to help me out??"

"Sure, I'm always a gentleman," Cupid assured her, even with a decidedly un-gentlemanly look in his eye.

"By the gods, I hope not," Zara teased back. "I'm not going to be a lady!!"

They spent a sweet hour in protracted lovemaking, using different positions, always being careful not to damage Cupid's wings. Finally a well-sated Zara smiled up at Cupid, "Oh, THAT was WONDERFUL. But, everyone will be worried. We should be getting back; I haven't spent much time with anyone else today. Except Iphicles, and other than my kissing him, HIS day was pretty much horrid."

Cupid softly kissed her. "Hey, I'm just glad I decided to use my god's prerogative and 'jump queue.' Otherwise I never would have run into Kull at your castle. Nice guy, by the way. If he hadn't ..."

Zara winced at the memory of how the day had begun, and had almost ended. "Oh, gosh! Kull!" she exclaimed, slapping her forehead. "I DO have to be getting back. The poor guy, all the way from Valusia, and he gets stuck on 'grievance duty.' I hope he didn't give up and go home."

"Well, he didn't look to me like the type of guy who just `gives up.'" Cupid was nibbling her bare neck as he spoke. "So, when I get you back to Iphicles' castle," he suggested while gently kissing her bare shoulder. "If he's STILL there..." Cupid's voice trailed off, hoping Zara would finish the thought.

Zara did, and giggled. "Our clothes, do you see any of them?" She laughed, "After all, I can't really go over there in `my birthday suit.'"

She and Cupid redressed quickly, and then Cupid scooped her up. "Ready to go?" he inquired.

She nodded, "Any last minute instructions? I've never flown before."

"No, try not to wiggle too much," he advised. "AND, if you get scared and panic, DON'T grab the wings."

As they rose into the air, she commented, "That wasn't too bad, a nice, quick takeoff. Oh, and for the record, AMAZON princesses don't PANIC."

"I was counting on that." He added, "I think I'll stick around after I drop you off."

"Fine," Zara replied. "Stay as long as you like. I'll even find a bed for you at my place if necessary." She pulled her cloak around her. "Oh, it's raining on us."

"Sorry, I was trying to avoid that cloud," Cupid said worriedly. "I better hurry; I got a very bad feeling." He increased the tempo of his wing beats, accelerating quickly.

"Your tears don't protect YOU, do they?" Zara asked, trying to keep the alarm out of her voice. 'Don't panic, girl, you ARE an Amazon', she thought, even while adding to herself, 'I can't be seeing this!!'

"No, why?" Cupid answered, also trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice. After all, he had told her not to panic, and he HAD made a promise to keep her safe.

"It is ONLY raining on us." Zara replied. "If you can, go quicker. The thing is, your wings are starting to ice up. Or go lower; let the sun warm us up."

"I'll be landing at the castle soon," he said confidently, then muttered low enough so Zara couldn't hear, "Just wait until I get back to home, Discord is in SO much trouble."

Zara watched, as the ice layer grew on Cupid's wings. 'REAL soon, this could hurt big time,' she thought, and started scanning for anything soft to land on, 'Just in case!!'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Okay, just two more 'problems' to decide after this 'break'; correct, Liza?" Kull asked, as he swallowed a mouthful of birch tonic. He winced in disgust. "Boy...it cures headache, but the taste...definitely needs...something."

"You're doing great, Your Majesty," Liza approved. "Sorry about the tonic taste. I'd tried mixing it with wine, but then you get a bellyache. Not much of an improvement."

Kull nodded. "Works well, though. Make me a batch..." He amended, seeing her distressed face, and remembering his manners, "Err, PLEASE, make me a batch, since I also have Grievance Day in two weeks when I get back home. And I'm not looking forward to THAT." He sighed, before taking another big gulp of tonic. "By the way, I AM also grateful for your solution to Meltillis' 'problem.' I can't believe the ONLY time that man doesn't stammer incoherently is when he sings."

"Of course, Your Majesty," stated Liza, who, in truth, had admired Kull for his patience with Meltillis. "I couldn't believe you LET him sing his complaint," she continued with an air of awe. "Especially, after you MADE me count Bombasistum's words..."

Kull chuckled, "Got a man like him at home. Can talk for ten minutes and still never make a point." He smiled, slyly. "One man needs a King's patience, one doesn't...."

He noticed Liza's countenance was not looking any happier. "You've been wearing that same expression for the last 20 minutes, ever since 'the man with the wayward cow, who was eating his neighbor's grass-covered house' case. And that was an easy one!! Don't tell me YOU have a 'grievance' too. Speak freely, if you can."

"N-nothing, Sire," Liza stammered. "I...oh," she broke down in sobs. "Oh, Sire, she...Cupid...MY King...." She buried her face in her hands, unable to utter a complete sentence.

Kull set down his mug, rose to his feet, comforting the weeping woman. "I know, I know. Go tell everyone to come back tomorrow, I'm going to--"

Shouts of "KING IPHICLES, HAIL KING IPHICLES" interrupted Kull. "Come on," he beckoned. "Sounds like good news for once today." He handed Liza a cloth to wipe her eyes. "Take a minute; neither your mistress nor your king will appreciate any hints of 'mistreatment by a barbarian.'"

Liza now lifted reddened eyes to Kull in horror. "No, Your Majesty. That's not true. No one who saw you today would EVER call you a barbarian." She accepted the offered cloth. "I never meant..."

"Just a joke and a bad one." Kull assured her. "Okay, there's Twanky, and the gentleman in green must be Iphicles, but..."

A muffled sob.

"Don't assume the worst," Kull reproved Liza, mildly. He patted her shoulder. "After all, that Cupid guy is missing, too." He sighed in resignation, "Next year, SHE is coming to Valusia for her birthday." He took Liza's hand and both of them walked resolutely toward the waiting pair. "Let's see what light YOUR king can shine on the matter, shall we."

The joyous townspeople surrounding Twanky and Iphicles parted immediately at Kull's approach. Iphicles smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you for handling Grievance Day for me. As you can see, 'that other pressing matter' was successfully resolved. I will have to apologize to Zara for interrupting YOUR plans for her birthday...." He trailed off, puzzled. "Excuse me, is there ANOTHER problem?"

Liza, at the mention of his mistress' name, had burst into tears afresh. Twanky embraced her, consolingly.

"Now, don't you be getting yourself in a fankle," Twanky soothed, as she patted the older (but not by much) woman's back. "When we left them, that nice Cupid said they'd be back in two ticks. She was as right as rain, I promise."

"And, she and Cupid got caught in it. The rain, that is. Correct?" Kull interjected.

Twanky and Iphicles stared blankly at Kull, who was also staring at something. "No...it hasn't rained at all today," Iphicles stated, becoming concerned.

Twanky nodded in agreement. "Not a drop."

"Then, how do you explain their current condition??" Kull gestured. "They look like two dirty, drowned rats."

Sure enough, Zara had appeared, soaking wet to the skin, disheveled and with bits of hay and seed sticking to her hair and skin. Cupid, albeit he was a god, looked no better. And, moreover, it was difficult to see who was holding who up.

"Oh, my gods," began Iphicles. "What happened to you two?" He bristled at Cupid, the anger rapidly building. He had not had a good day, and had expected better. "THIS is your idea of 'keeping her safe'!!"

His voice had become a bellow, and Kull got the same look of murderous rage.

"Be careful, mortal, my tears DO NOT protect you from MY wrath," Cupid warned menacingly. He also was not having a good day. "I can easily---"

Zara exploded, "IF ANYONE DOES ANYTHING TO FURTHER RUIN MY BIRTHDAY, I WILL BE KILLING THE LOT OF YOU." She pointed to Kull. "YOU get a pass, for sending Cupid to rescue us, but EVERYONE ELSE is on my list," glancing around ominously.

Shocked silence followed.

"Since I have a 'pass,'" Kull began sarcastically, through clenched teeth, "may I ask what happened since they--" he pointed at Iphicles and Twanky--"saw you two last?" He folded his arms. "Or, will that question put me 'on your list'?"

Zara began to laugh, and nudged Cupid. "Now, this story will add to your legend." She winced. "And mine."

She began to recount the story of being rained on by a nasty storm cloud, interrupted by comments from Cupid, of "going to hurt Discord..." "iced up frostbitten wings..." "going to KILL Discord..." and their subsequent "crash into hay wagon two miles from castle..."

"I'm surprised you didn't break both yer wings," Twanky remarked to Cupid. "But Zara wasn't hurt..."

"Protected by tears," Zara reminded her. "Apparently, they don't 'wash off.'"

Liza interrupted quietly. "Perhaps a hot bath would do everyone some good." Calmer now, she was able to smile wickedly, hoping Kull would 'take the hint.'

Kull didn't need much of a hint. He winked at Liza and scooped up Zara before ANYONE could protest. "And, since King Iphicles has to finish Grievance Day, I guess I get the honors." He glared at Cupid, then smiled at Zara. "After all, everyone else got to spend time with you today!!"

Iphicles laughed, "She already gave me a bath today, so I suppose in all fairness..."

As Kull's arms tightened, and his face darkened in jealous anger, Zara whispered quickly, "Hey, lighten up; he was STILL a frog at the time!!" She waved her arms in a mock domineering manner. "Stop by the kitchen on the way to the bath." She added quietly, "WOULD you PLEASE, Your Majesty. I haven't had anything to eat since last night's dinner. I have a feeling I'll be needing some energy." Her stomach rumbled as if in agreement.

"As my lady commands," Kull intoned humbly, then laughed. "Yes, I PREFER a woman with some energy." He regarded Iphicles. "Directions to the kitchen and the King's PRIVATE bath, if you don't mind."

"Kitchen--down the main hall, branch to the left; follow your nose," Iphicles responded, gesturing for emphasis. "Then go back to main hall, branch to right, third door on right." He paused, and then smiled. "Take your time, I'm sure the rest of us will be busy for a while."

"I plan to," Kull murmured, as he strode purposefully down the hall, following Iphicles' directions. Zara giggled, and then began involuntarily shivering. He looked at her with alarm. "You need to change quickly, but I think your leathers are permanently ruined. Are you all right??"

"I...I'm...j-j-j-just c-c...cold," Zara chattered. "And yes, this outfit will n-n-never be the same." She continued to shiver, and then snuggled closer to Kull, absorbing his warmth.

"I think we will have the food brought to the bath," Kull nodded, as they arrived at the kitchen door. "And, I'm sure we can find you a new set of clothes."

She nodded, "Good idea."

-------------------------------------

Chapter V

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Twanky tutted and fussed over poor beautiful Cupid, all wet, dirty, shivering and exhausted! Not only had her maternal instinct remained in high gear (despite what 'Dite might think if she knew, and since when was Twanky afraid of much of anything?), but her female hormones were still healthy and active enough, despite the fact that she was no longer young. And being around Cupid so much that day was having quite an effect on her.

Cupid also thought the Widow was pretty cute, as well. Any attractive female sooner or later had his divine hormones a-bubbling. Sure she was old as dirt...yet she had wide sky-blue eyes that danced when she spoke--and she seemed to be forever chattering, in tones and phrases that skipped and bounded just as her tiny feet did in a dance performance--a pink and white complexion framed by a wreath of bouncing golden curls, a sturdy but graceful body, not formed in the ideal contours, granted, yet...irresistible in its own mature way. Cupid soon found himself unable to keep his eyes off her generous bosom and thoughts of what that modest dress must be concealing. He caught a glimpse of trim legs through a rent in the long skirt and fell to considering how to get her into bed with him... He could see she was in a perfect mood for being romanced into a dalliance...where he felt certain they would "make beautiful music together."

He said exactly that to her, and at first the statement was misinterpreted. "Bein' as I do possess the honored title of The Mistress of Music," she boasted, "I shall have to teach you The Twanky Twiddle if you are a very good boy."

"Sometimes," he grinned archly, "I have a little trouble behaving myself; just ask my Mom!"

"Indeed, I can see where any mischief in you comes from," Twanky said forthrightly, even as thoughts of her first encounter with his mother chased away her smile.

"But," he added quickly, "I'll try for your sake to be 'very very good' so that we can 'twiddle' together. That is, if you think you're up to it after this difficult day."

Twanky was beginning to see what he meant, even if he wasn't saying it right out. His admiring gazes and the way he gently caressed her hair and folded her small hands into his large ones were definite clues.

"I may seem old," she said with a wink, "but looks can be deceiving! And I would think you would be downright 'knackered' after such a day!"

Cupid's wings were shivering but he tossed off the sympathetic suggestion casually. "What's on my mind doesn't necessarily have anything to do with age or appearances." He winked back.

"Oh, it's the 'horizontal dance' you're getting at. Er, now what do you know, about rhythm?"

"I do know about the rhythm of the human heart."

"Pre-cisely!! The instrument that leads all of life to its beat!"

Twanky had a little trouble continuing her chatter as Cupid had begun to "get fresh" with her, touching her firm and shapely body experimentally to see what he could get away with and not get his face slapped. At first she vacillated between indignance and submission.

"Why you nasty little boy, mucking about like that! For shame!"

"Pardon me, Ma'am, I never meant any disrespect...but you are surprisingly lovely and appealing for a woman of--erh, in her prime of life."

"I shall `Pardon me' you into the middle of next week! you lecherous young-- Oh--! that's quite a strong hand, really. Such a shapely forearm. And just look at the size of these biceps!"

Cupid progressed to embracing her in both of his muscular arms, pressing her body snugly against his. He was only seconds away from kissing the smiling red lips below him. The pair were swiftly carried away on the flood of divinely inspired amorous emotion. Between kisses, the Widow couldn't avoid a sort of running commentary.

"Oh! They are huge! Hold me..."

"That's it. Yes. Lift--and breathe--and stretch!"

"Close your eyes--and feel the rhythm. That's it. Let it flow through you..."

"Oh! Ah!" The Widow was simply atremble, panting like a young girl in the throes of passion. "I need a strong man!"

"Frostbite or no, I am a strong god," Cupid grinned avariciously, lifting the agitated Widow up in his arms as if she were light as a feather...which, to him, she was. "Will that do, my tantalizing Twanky?"

"Silly boy, a question like that does not deserve an answer. And you may address me as Alice."

"Okay, Alice," he chuckled. "Another question--since we're both wet, muddy and dirty, is there a way I could get a cleanup around here?" He nuzzled her. "In a bath large enough for two?"

"SERVANTS!" Twanky sang out, snapping her fingers. Immediately two or three of Iphicles' attendants hurried over. "We would like a bath made ready, please."

The bath chambers of Iphicles' castle were renowned as being some of the most luxurious in the known world. He had borrowed ideas from Rome such as marbled walls, mirrors and silver fixtures. There were also beautiful paintings and tapestries on the high walls depicting lush restful scenery. Flowers thrived in large urns, colorful and fragrant in the tall shafts of sunlight that would stream at midday through overhead windows. Now in late afternoon, their hues appeared deeper and richer in the mellow torchlight. In the basins, reached by gracefully carved stairsteps on either side, a bather would find rose petals strewn generously over the water, which would contain milk or honey or spices. And in every chamber would be found an altar to Hygieia, daughter of Asclepius and goddess of good health. Bathers could worship there, leaving offerings; give thanks for health and wondrous gifts, including pure water; or pray for the return of departed well-being.

At present, the plucky Widow and her godly companion were much more interested in each other than worship of Hygieia. They took turns undressing each other and then, with his arm and one protective wing curled around the little woman, Cupid gently escorted her down the steps and into the warm liquid, which at this time of day was in shadow but streaked by the reflections of candle light. Their bath was pure milk, mixed with honey and a hint of cinnamon, and sprinkled lavishly with dark red rose petals. They laved each other with a mild herbal soap that would foam even in milk, giggling and trading lewd remarks the whole time, elated by the sheer luxury and beauty of their surroundings. Even Cupid remarked that he couldn't remember ever being in a more extravagant bathing chamber.

He made love to her under the pale liquid surface...handling her gently, bearing her "advanced" age in mind; but Twanky insisted she wasn't a china figurine after all. "Me 'usband, Three Legged Willie they called him, used to say I was a wildcat in bed!" Upon hearing this, Cupid's attentions became more vigorous until their shouts echoed off the walls and Twanky was certain the entire contents of the bath would be splashed out onto the floor...even though the floor was actually some six feet above their heads.

When they had finally finished their lovemaking and cleansing, Cupid said he felt like a new god (even the frostbite on his wings was gone) and Twanky declared that she felt 30 years younger! She was so proud of her newly smoothed and silky skin and the glow that resulted not only from the bath but Cupid's attentions, that after they left the basin, she had to do a perky, strutting little song-and-dance for him--while still au naturel and her head wrapped in a towel--as he sat at the edge of the basin. He looked on with open admiration and a silent promise to himself to return sometime to enjoy more of this pert little Dame!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Although not as ornate, Iphicles' private bath had other delights. And as he was looking forward to trying as many as possible, therefore Kull was wasting no time, peeling off Zara's ruined leathers. A tray of meat, bread and other dainties had already been delivered by an obviously-amused Liza. She had also included an unusual-looking flask of wine but no glasses; "I didn't think you'd need them, Sire," she had answered, giving him a sage wink. Laughing, Zara demonstrated how the device worked, and soon each was happily squirting wine into the other's mouth.

"Yep, you won't be wearing this again and...okay, this is not coming off." Kull began tugging at a particularly tough knot on a strap on Zara's bodice.

"Do you want some help, Your Majesty?" Zara asked mischievously. "I thought you wanted to 'do' that yourself."

Kull, clad only in a deep frown, yet ever the industrious and resourceful, growled. "No, you did me, I do you." He grinned in triumph. "AH, success!" He chuckled and held out his arms to a now equally-unclad Zara. "I don't think King Iphicles' indoor fountain is the best place to try that move you suggested, anyway. I'm going to get me one of them, though." He wiggled his eyebrows sensuously. "Lots of erotic possibilities."

He slid them both into the steaming water, to which Zara had added some blue liquid from one of the containers. "Smells good, but feels better. Now, let's get all the hay off."

Zara smiled back, and replied in a voice as meek she could make it without laughing, "As you command, Your Majesty." She turned into his waiting arms, and began kissing him in earnest. "Any other commands, Milord?" she murmured seductively. "They've been fun so far."

"Oh, a few more."

Kull was finally starting to relax, and he could feel Zara beginning to let go of the tensions of the day, which had been stressful for both. And as he washed off the dirt and grime, memories of other lovemaking sessions flooded his thoughts.

'Easy, man, she's had a rotten day, go slow,' he chided himself. 'You've waited this long, give her a minute or two.' "Are you feeling better now, love?" he asked aloud.

"Oh, I feel SO much better." Zara beamed as she 'read his thoughts.' "Let me show you how much better I really feel."

Frankly, she was 'in the mood' for some loving, and there are advantages to being an Amazon. Soon, they were both locked in a passionate embrace. A low moan from Kull let Zara know the attention was definitely appreciated. A few whispered words let both know exactly where each was 'in need of attention.' Kull crushed her in his arms as they made sweet love, each trying to erase and 'make up for' the awful day, and finished in an ear-splitting climax.

"Ooooh, that was great, Your Majesty." Zara murmured, when Kull released her at last... "What a perfect birthday present."

Kull was finally having a wonderful time, but now, he felt he needed to address an issue that had been annoying him. He released her gently, regarded her solemnly, and intoned in his best 'official royal' voice. "I do hereby decree that any woman who--"

Zara burst into laughter.

"Woman, you DO NOT laugh when a KING is making a pronouncement." Kull scowled even though he was clearly jesting. "I didn't finish; what was so funny?"

"'I do hereby decree'," Zara chortled. "No offense, Your Majesty, but this is a very strange time and place to make a pronouncement!!" She added, "And, besides, all KING'S decrees must be officially recorded to be valid. Shall I leave and come back with a scribe, Your Majesty?" she teased.

"AS I was saying, before I was interrupted," Kull continued, forcefully, feeling somewhat irritated, "ANY woman, who has been in the KING'S arms, and who the king has made sweet and vigorous love to, has permission to--no, make that is COMMANDED to--address SAID KING by his given name." He raised an eyebrow, inquiringly. "Are we quite clear on this point??"

Zara, seeing that Kull was sincere, as well as annoyed, answered. "Yes, crystal clear. And," she paused, "Kull--is she ALLOWED to request a repeat performance??"

"Of course," Kull said in surprise. "As many times as she likes."

"I think once more should do it," she smiled. "I wouldn't want to be too late for my party."

"You are feeling better." Kull approved, as he turned her over. "I'm SO glad."

Servants meanwhile cleaned and mended the clothing of Cupid and his own unlikely lover. And at her previous instructions, one of Twanky's best dresses had been extracted from her travelling bag and made ready for that evening's wear. The amourous pair took their time in dressing, continuing to enjoy each other even as they slowly put their clothing on and prepared for the upcoming party and entertainment.

Twanky was still in a rosy haze from the divine lovemaking. The nearest hourglass showed that time was hurrying by and she still had final rehearsal with her dance troupe. Not to mention teatime, which was being held at an appropriate hour in honor of the British guest at the castle. When Twanky was barely finished dressing, a servant came and curtseyed, announcing that tea would be served immediately. "The hour grows late, Madame," the maid reminded her. Twanky was tempted to get snippish, but merely told the young woman that she would be there straightaway. She felt so wonderful that she was in a rare benignant and all-forgiving humor, and felt certain that nothing would fluster her this night.

"And SUCH a night 'twill be, Cupid darling!" she exclaimed as Cupid helped her with a glittering necklace. "My young ladies and gentlemen--and yes, there are a few very talented young men--in my troupe will give a performance the likes of which this castle's inhabitants--nay, this entire kingdom--has not seen before!" She spun, twirled and even did a backflip for emphasis. "Would you care to join me for tea, my beauteous young divinity?"

"Of course!" Cupid offered his arm and again curled a wing around his new lover as they strolled in the direction of the dining area.

Even in Greece, the greatest and most benevolent of the kingdoms had extensive knowledge of international customs. Twanky was delighted by a most beautiful fireside tea setting, complete with every appropriate utensil to be desired by the most discriminating of Britons. She was grateful to see that even the teapot was porcelain rather than metal. Various savory delicacies and more substantial items surrounded a large centerpiece of winter roses. There was Bubble and Squeak, biscuits and other heavy cakes, a platter of meats and cheeses, scones and English trifle for dessert. A sumptuous meal indeed, but Twanky had scarcely had time for even breakfast that day at an inn, on her way into Corinth early in the morning. She was as hungry as any athletic and extremely busy Englishwoman in the world of professional dance had every right to be. It was definitely time to "tuck in" to the royal fare before her. And Cupid had wisely chosen the option of experiencing a sense of mortal appetite as well.

Cupid served her tea first as befitted a gentleman, but Twanky informed him that she would have cream placed in her teacup first before he poured the steaming hot beverage for her.

"'Tis the only proper way to drink one's tea. Remember that fine point...in case your next paramour is from Britannia," she said in a voice meant to be airy and casual. But Cupid could detect the question behind her words and in those blue eyes.

"I think...I would prefer to have only ONE British paramour," he said with a meaningful wink, while pouring the cream to her desire.

"Liza said she would read the tea-leaves for us," Twanky smiled over her steaming cup. "Perhaps we shall learn what the Fates have in store for you and me."

-------------------------------------

Chapter VI

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After the numerous pleasures of teatime, however, the situation seemed to take a sudden turn for the worse. Rehearsal was hurried and the dancers, 20 in number, appeared dazzling to any onlookers but to Twanky's professional eye, there was something missing. "NO! No, no, no, no!" she criticized, clapping her hands or whacking her palm on whatever surface was handy.

After the third 'misstart,' she exclaimed in frustration. "My precious young sunbeams, whatever is troubling you? Where is the passion, the fire, the dazzling tails of comets flung by the Muses of Dance diffusing the light of your talents to the world?" She twirled around as she spoke, spreading her arms dramatically. "'Tis true," she reflected, pacing in circles, "the Muses grant us inspiration but can also remove it just like that," snapping her fingers.

Aware of the murmurings among her dancers but momentarily turning her thoughts inward, she paced in a wider circle that took her to a tall window overlooking the rolling grounds beyond the castle. From it she could see the smaller albeit quite beautiful Amazon Castle about a half mile away, just beyond the town limits, situated above the treetops on its hillside, where the windows glittered in the yellow evening sunlight breaking through the blanket of clouds.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Having satisfied one hunger, Kull and Zara were actively engaged in making short work of the food tray and the remaining wine. Neither really wanted to return to 'royal duties,' and both were postponing the moment as long as possible.

Kull had only needed minimal encouragement to relate his version of the day's events. Zara groaned in dismay, as Kull described his angry outburst at "finding that herbalist of yours. Madam, you DO NOT keep a KING waiting!!", and patted his arm in sympathy as he related his frustration at, again, "having to dispense `kingly wisdom and justice' while not knowing the people or the history of the complaints."

"Fortunately, I had Liza 'attending me.'" Seeing Zara's consternation, Kull went on, "I needed some excuse to keep her close to me, and she's pretty bright. By watching her face, and manner, I had some hints as to who was not being truthful, and ..."

Zara interrupted. "Yes, Liza has a keen understanding of people. I'm glad she was helpful to you even if she does constantly try to make us wear dresses, and frilly ones at that."

Kull raised a curious eyebrow, but said nothing.

Zara explained, "My sisters and I are Amazons first and foremost. Liza has a little trouble with the concept. Our idea of a proper dress, and her idea, they are not really in sync."

Kull nodded in sympathy. "I had a similar problem with the concept of `a weapon fit for a king to wield.' In the beginning no one liked my axe, they kept insisting I needed a sword."

"And..." Zara prompted, already knowing the answer, but wanting to see Kull grin again.

He grinned, on cue. "No one argues now." Kull dangled the last morsel of meat before Zara. "You sure you don't want the last of this?" he asked lazily. "Or are you finally satisfied."

"No, I'm completely satisfied," Zara assured him, "in every way. Thanks to you."

Kull laughed, and finished the platter. "I'm glad to hear that..." He rinsed his hands in the water, and then made a face. "Water's ice cold, candles are sputtering. I suppose that's a sign we need to go. Too bad, I was enjoying the company."

Zara nodded as she pulled herself out of the water, "As was I, but we are getting wrinkled. And I will have to resume normal birthday duties; since, my sisters will be here soon for my birthday." She began surveying the room. "At least you have proper clothes; they were just in need of a little cleaning. Liza took mine to be repaired...and usually there is at least one robe in my bath... Oh, there you are, Liza, did you find something suitable?"

Liza, whose years of experience with her mistress had given her impeccable timing, chose that moment to enter the bath. Liza carried two packages, and while pointedly ignoring Kull, who had now exited the water, handled the still-naked Zara a package. "I think this will do for today, mistress." She smiled, and keeping her eyes fixed on her mistress' face, handed Kull a towel and the second package. "It's not your normal garb, Ma'am, but it IS from King Iphicles with his compliments. I thought the lavender would suit you."

Liza added, "King Iphicles' other servants are waiting in the hall. Do you or His Majesty require help dressing?"

"A ball gown," Zara stated, and as Liza nodded, continued. "With lots of stays and ruffles, no doubt."

"No, ma'am, and it's uncomplicated," Liza countered. "And, it was hard to find something to which you would not object too strenuously."

Zara cocked her head, and inquired resignedly, "Did you LOOK for anything leather?" Liza's answer was a stony silence. Zara shook her head. "No, I will be fine dressing myself and I'm sure His Majesty Kull will be the same."

Kull, enjoying Zara's obvious discomfort, commented, "Yes, HIS MAJESTY Kull can dress himself. It is only UNDRESSING I require help with, and I have very specific requirements on who I allow to do that, and what is expected of them after I allow it."

He winked at Liza, who was having trouble not ogling Kull. She did gasp audibly, as she beheld the evidence on his back and shoulders that Kull was not 'born royal.' Liza immediately covered her mouth, hoping the king had not heard her.

"As those scars are not recent," Kull said levelly, as he regarded her, "They no longer bother me." He immediately began unwrapping his package and slipped his tunic over his back.

Zara, who had already unwrapped hers, sighed in frustration. For, in it was a knee-length lavender linen gown trimmed with cap sleeves and embroidered lace on the bodice. Matching shoes, hose and undergarments were included as well.

As Liza left, Kull murmured quietly, "Well, I only see one stay and no ruffles, consider it a challenge."

Zara dressed quickly, all the while muttering oaths. 'Not one proper place to put a dagger,' she thought irritably. 'Can't wait to get home and find some proper clothes, but thank all the gods, Liza brought one I can at least move in.'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The problem wasn't the dancers, but it lay with Twanky, who was vexed over the Amazons being late and spoiling her scheme. "Late, late, late, LATE," she grumbled testily, watching as the sun's gleam faded on the neighboring castle's windows till it was only bathed in soft orange and pink tones which were dwindling to browns and blues. "What IS keeping them? We will never be ready in time," Twanky fretted as she absently watched without really seeing the servants tending the torches, candelabras and oil lamps. She mentally reviewed the arrangements of the evening's events.

"If Discord had her way, we would not be here at all," a tenor voice answered. "We are all fortunate; the hay wagon driver arrived at our castle in time, with a note written in Zara's hand. We were certainly in no mood to receive anyone from King Iphicles' castle, not after a report of Zara's death at his hands."

Standing in the rehearsal hall, in full war regalia, complete with paint and ceremonial animal and bird masks, were two dozen Amazon warriors. They varied in stature, from Twanky's short height to about six feet. They varied in size, almost as much, from rather small-boned to extremely muscular. Aeolusia--a medium-build brunette Amazon, less muscular and slightly shorter than Zara but about one hand's-breadth taller than Twanky--had spoken from under a deer mask. She continued, "If it were not for the favors the Amazon Nation owes to both King Iphicles and to his brother Hercules, we would not have considered your 'request.' And," the formal set of the lips beneath her mask melted into a friendly smile, "as we were planned that Zara's birthday celebration occur at `OUR' castle, it took a while to properly pack the items you requested onto our horses. That was one of the reasons we were late, Ma'am, the drum is quite large and rather difficult to transport." She did not miss the skeptical glances shared amongst her sisters, who were thinking of the earlier grim discussion over at the Amazon castle about a possible war. Divining their secret thoughts, LuLu let the smile on her own lips fade. "Do you know the whereabouts of our sister, Zara? We would see her to be sure she is unharmed."

A shocked Twanky stared at the speaker--how had the Amazons gotten into the castle in full war dress?--and began slowly, "Zara is fine, and quite unharmed, I assure you." Then she spoke more rapidly with renewed vexation. "And that evil witch Discord, oh, she ain't been 'alf causing her share o' trouble today. Why, she even tried to get King Iphicles to kill Zara, by tricking her into becoming a cricket. What did the little trollop do now?" Twanky finished expectantly.

"Zara is a cricket?" Aeolusia (fondly nicknamed Lulu) exclaimed. "I thought you said she was fine. Did Iphicles step on her?"

Twanky shook her head emphatically. "No, she WAS a cricket, and at the time HE was a frog."

"Discord changed King Iphicles into a frog?" Lulu asked incredulously.

"No, that was Aphrodite's doing."

Lulu held up a hand. "This is becoming confusing. Start at the beginning, and tell me what has happened. Then I will tell you what we know."

Twanky quickly related the day's events. Lulu nodded, and then began to laugh, until Twanky reached the part where she described Zara's condition when she and Cupid arrived, at last, at Iphicles' castle. Then the hazel eyes peering through the deer mask narrowed.

"The cart was so badly damaged by their fall, that Zara purchased both the contents AND the cart. That, we were informed, was why it took so long for the driver to reach our castle, and inform us of what had happened. By that time, an `eye witness' had already told the tale of Zara's death at Iphicles' hand." She added, thoughtfully, "A `witness' who conveniently disappeared, when the wagon driver presented Zara's note authorizing payment from her personal accounts."

"Yes, Discord has a habit of doing that," Cupid interjected. He had been listening to the tale, hoping he would not have to intercede again on Twanky's behalf. "That's how she sent Zara out, by masquerading as Liza."

Lulu nodded, and turned again to Twanky. "It was only then that we allowed YOUR messenger in. We needed to learn the truth, so we are here. Shauna, please come forward."

A teenage Amazon, with short auburn hair, came over to Lulu. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Go and find Zara, and return to tell us of her condition," Lulu directed, placing a hand on the girl's right shoulder. "We will work with Twanky; it seems she also needs our help."

Shauna cast one admiring glance at the famous Widow, then looked at the floor in disappointment. "Yes, my sister."

As the teen Amazon left, Lulu noticed similar expressions on the faces of Shauna's young peers. Her eyebrows raised, but then, observing hints in their body language, she nodded almost imperceptibly with a slight smile. She had seen that look before on the youngsters when their war blood was up and for any reason a battle was averted through negotiations.

She again gave her attention to Twanky, "So, tell us what YOU need."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Scowling, Zara turned to Kull, "Okay, I'm as ready as I will ever be, let's go find my sisters. Who, no doubt, will have a few words to say about this outfit."

Kull, who was just fastening his boots, nodded. "It is a good color on you, and you needn't scowl, I've seen worse." He pointed to her feet, "No high heels. In Valusia, I've seen women wear four-inch-tall heels." He enfolded Zara's left hand and forearm in his right, as both strolled towards the outer hall of the bath chamber.

"For what crime is that the punishment?" Zara inquired. "I want to make sure I avoid committing it."

Kull shook his head, "No punishment, it's voluntary."

As her eyes narrowed at the idea of voluntarily subjecting her feet to such torture, Zara asked, "I can't see fighting in any footwear like that. Can they even walk?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," Kull replied. "Although if you use one to hit someone at just the right angle, they could be a dangerous weapon. I don't know if you could balance on the other one while doing it, so--"

A familiar youthful voice interrupted. "Zara, Sister, you're okay! Artemis's boots, what ARE you wearing??" A young girl in her teens, with flame-colored hair and dressed in leather gear, rushed up and stopped in front of the couple, staring quizzically.

Zara gave Kull an `I told you so' look, and released his arm. "It's called a formal dress, and the choice was it or nakedness; as my other clothes are being repaired."

She hugged the young Amazon. "Shauna, my little sister, you must have just arrived. And of course, I'm all right, I sent a note. It has been quite a birthday so far."

Kull looked at Zara, expectantly, and received a nod.

"Oh, Kull, King of Valusia, meet one of my younger Amazon sisters, Shauna."

She surveyed the hall. "You could not have come alone. Where are my other sisters?"

Shauna's disappointment at the prevention of a "rumble" was overshadowed by her joy at seeing her sister well and unharmed. All her words ran together in excitement. "Aeolusia and most of our sisters are here. She sent me to find out what happened to you. First, you were dead, and then you were a cricket. We were going to war, now we're not, and I have to go back. Bye."

"Are ALL of your younger Amazon sisters so--" Kull hesitated. He had spent a lot of time getting Zara into a good mood. She was already irritated by the dress; no point in provoking her further and losing more ground. "--quick?"

Zara shook her head in disbelief. She had not expected Shauna to turn and run, after breathlessly delivering the rest of her message. Even as Kull had asked his question, Shauna had raced halfway back down the corridor, then turned to shout "Happy Birthday, sister. See you soon, Lulu and the others need me back," before whirling and speeding out of sight, ignoring Zara's "Shauna, wait!!"

"It's been a really odd day. I better go look for the rest of my sisters." Zara squared her shoulders with a grim set to her jaw. "Shauna said, 'We were going to war, now we're not.' I don't like the sound of that."

"Well, your birthday is almost over. A joke, perhaps," Kull offered possibilities, "or youthful misunderstanding."

Zara sighed. This was not one of her better birthdays, although she was sure she wouldn't be forgetting it for a long while. "Actually, I was born after dinner, so technically, it has only been my birthday for about an hour. When my mom was alive, she wouldn't let me celebrate it until then, but as a result my birthday celebration lasted until dinner of the following day." Her final remark was muttered to herself, "I think I will be reviving that custom this year."

Kull, who had overheard the muttering, commented, "Oh, good, then I didn't miss much of your `official' birthday. Let's go see what the problem is now. Which way did your sister go?"

Zara dropped his arm, and shook her dark head emphatically. "Oh,no. If my Amazon sisters are planning war, the last thing they will want to see is..." Zara trailed off.

Kull folded his arms and glared at her. "'Now, we're not,' that's what your little sister...errh..." He paused, searching for the name, "Shauna said. And if they are planning an attack, the LAST thing you need to be doing, BEING AN AMAZON, is wandering the castle unescorted. Good way to get captured as a spy, or killed."

"And, being a foreign monarch, you are in no better position," Zara reminded him.

"So, for my sake, stay with me, and let's both find King Iphicles," Kull suggested. "I haven't been such bad company, have I," he jested, trying to break the tension, hoping to bring back her smile.

"No, you've been great," Zara affirmed. "But keep your eyes open. We should at least find something to defend ourselves with."

"I am never leaving home without the axe again!!" Kull glowered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, the Widow was explaining her plan to involve the Amazons in the evening's performance, as an integral part of the program. She gave them her thoughts on what had already been rehearsed and how best to blend the themes.

The Amazons agreed that her ideas were splendid. They put their heads together and discussed Twanky's suggestions, and decided on dancing their special four-seasons dance, since they were already in full traditional costume and also had their big drum and smaller drums, tambourine, small cymbals, large flute, whistle and lyre. Now that the tribe could rejoice that Zara was alive, well, and safe, and it WAS her birthday, the instruments would be implemented in a celebration, Twanky's original intention, rather than a pre-war dance. And the costumes would make the performance even more spectacular.

Any of the Amazons that could sing were invited by Twanky to sing the most stirring "traditional" songs they knew for special numbers, while the other Amazons were dancing.

Immediately the Amazons nearest LuLu pushed her forward, urging her to sing a few lines of something. LuLu shrugged, but took off her mask. This action plainly revealed that she was wearing a white manaia of the exact same shape and design as Iolaus's dark green jade one. LuLu's manaia had obviously seen a great deal of wear and handling, for it now bore various warm tones of light brown. Yet it gleamed as it caught the light of a moving beam from a stage light being adjusted by one of the behind-the-scenes workers. Its owner warbled a hauntingly beautiful melody in a high tenor that turned all heads nearby. She stopped, nodded, lightly tossed her dark mass of curls back over one thin shoulder, and waited with a small dignified "what do you think of that?" smile as the Widow effused over her 'incredible' voice and resumed her description of the program. But first, they must rehearse, which would be time-consuming, but necessary. And what was more, the sisters knew that the Junior Amazons would need extra coaching, since they were not as skilled at the Milestone Day dance as their elders.

"Oh, but that's all right!" Twanky sang out. She was nearly in a transport; this evening was going to hold much more than she had dreamed of. Her heart raced and she clasped and unclasped her hands with frequent "Ooh's" and "Aaah's" as the Amazons went on to outline their ideas to her in more detail.

"And," one of the Amazons added, "we would also like to perform a formal dance in honor of our beloved Artemis."

"Of course," Twanky replied, "and all our dancers can participate in that one. I hear it's just marvelous."

Lulu, not wanting to be rude, as the Widow was obviously trying to be as helpful as possible, added quietly, "No, that dance takes a lot of skill and is very complex. Most Amazons spend a lot of time learning that one; only our oldest and most knowledgeable dancers can perform it successfully."

"I assure you, my dancers are well versed in all aspects..." Twanky began loftily, and then paused as Lulu outlined EXACTLY what the dance entailed. The Widow blanched and then grew thoughtful. "You know, we DO have two dancers who should be able to perform that special dance successfully. I am one of them; the other is Cleodora. It would be an honor to participate in that dance this evening. Is there any part of the dance, the--err," Twanky hesitated, then plunged on, "--less knowledgeable dancers can participate in?"

Now, it was Lulu's turn to be surprised. "Actually, they do have a role to play in the--yes, Shauna?"

"Aeolusia, Ma'am," Shauna had returned from her errand, red- faced and excited. "Zara is fine, but she's in a frilly dress." Shauna blushed. "And I don't think it was her idea."

Lulu suppressed a chuckle, smiled at her young sister and winked at Twanky. "So, other than the dress, she is uninjured."

Shauna nodded.

"Then let us prepare for her birthday performance. We have a lot of work ahead of us."

-------------------------------------

Chapter VII

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I think the entire performance ought to be indoors on stage."

"No way, I think we should have it outdoors. I don't even like walking on stone, let alone dancing on it."

"We Amazons are accustomed to having our feet on the earth. I think--"

The youngest of the tribe were discussing the exact whereabouts of the program and the volume of their debate was rising to a level that brought Aeolusia over to interrupt. A mild word of reproof achieved a respectful silence.

"Girls, The Widow Twanky and the Amazon Council"--of which LuLu and Zara were members--"have unanimously agreed that the entire 'official' program will be held onstage. We Amazons are moving outside to rehearse ONLY."

"But," the youngest member of the tribe said with a slight whine, "why can't we have the whole performance outdoors? I've never danced on a stone surface before."

Aeolusia, a somewhat smaller, soft-spoken individual lacking the "brawn" so favored by Amazon tribes, but ably compensating by her wits, was one of the chief diplomats and peacemakers of the tribe. She was also known for her gentleness and patience. Now she explained quietly and simply, "We practice outdoors, because Gaia, Mother of All, provides an atmosphere for us to do our best dancing!" She smiled benignly. "Certain older Amazons are insistent on that point." She held up a palm to discourage any youthful interruption. "And you DO want to do your best; after all, we are trying to honor and please Artemis, aren't we?"

The younger Amazons all bobbed their heads in unison. Lulu was not finished explaining, so she quickly went on, "However, we must make it possible for two rather large groups of dancers to be rehearsing at the same time... Having everything occur either entirely inside or entirely outside would simplify matters, true. But we do have to be considerate of our royal members of King Iphicles' household who might lack the--shall we say, rusticity of our lifestyles..." and something in her voice or look roused faint good-humored chuckles among the girls. "And of course, most if not all the dancers in the Widows' troupe might share a similar less-than-favorable opinion of either standing, sitting or dancing out on a frozen--and I dare say, icy--castle green for a couple of hours."

"Yes, Ma'am, this is true, you are very wise," and those of more tender years obediently accepted this viewpoint of their gentle older sister.

The warriors now moved out onto the royal grounds--now dark, for it was past sundown--for practice. Twanky, following, had shared the same original opinion of the younger Amazons and felt miffed because she also believed they should be rehearsing indoors with HER dancers. Since she would be involved in the dance for Artemis, she must divide up her time and accompany the Amazons outdoors. Then whenever she wasn't needed for rehearsing her part with them, she speculated she would have to hurry back inside to help her own group.

"Wot's more, I shall have to take off my shoes," she grumbled. "And I'll get chilblains, sure as I'm born, prancing round on that frozen ground in me stocking feet. Cor blimey, I do believe I've had quite enough of the 'great outdoors' for awhile. Alice Cudlip, how DO you manage to get thaself into these things? You'll have ten frozen piggies, so tha will, and need another soak with Cupid..." The very thought warmed her and brought back a smile. "Now there's a reason to do it, if ever I heard one!! And, it won't be the first time I've suffered for the sake of ART."

Despite any misgivings, Twanky was nothing if not passionately dedicated. She was silent and attentive as the Amazons went about setting up torches for illumination plus getting a fire started to help add warmth as well as extra light.

"We are accustomed to 'dancing in the dark,'" LuLu told her. "Usually these nighttime 'performances' are 'psyching-up sessions' just prior to a battle. Which, needless to say by now, was what we came fully prepared for. But, happily," she added over her shoulder as she helped move the big drum into the desired position, "the evening has turned off to be a much more lighthearted situation."

Soon the musicians were in their places, and the practice had begun, which involved lots of coaching from the mature and more experienced Amazons. Everything went well except for a few 'hitches' involving the 'junior' Amazons who were less knowledgeable about the dances but grew impatient with their elders 'bossing them around' so much.

Twanky had never been on hand before at an Amazon dance, she had only heard secondhand reviews from Iphicles as well as Hercules and Iolaus. The sight of supple, shapely female warriors executing wild native dances representing aspects of nature and things deeply spiritual, amid the flickering light of tall blazing torches and a toasty, crackling wood fire, was a fascinating, almost mesmerizing spectacle, and enough to cause Twanky to forget any preliminary discomforts. Even the tribe's horses (which their owners had staked nearby) seemed to be enjoying the lively scene. Their eyes glowed in the firelight and they frequently tossed their heads, sometimes pawing the ground as if wishing they could join in the action. Twanky tapped her feet, clapped her hands to the infectious rhythms, and found herself impatient to begin rehearsing her own part. And then when Aeolusia sang...Twanky felt as if every one of her curly blond strands was standing on end...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Well, I'm certainly getting me exercise today," grumbled Twanky after running indoors for the third time. "Good thing I changed to me sandals. Good thing I BROUGHT me sandals. If I `ad to retie them shoes o' mine one more time--" At sight of King Iphicles, she forced herself to brighten. 'I must be a professional, after all,' she thought. "Oh, hello, Your Majesty."

King Iphicles smiled, "I just came to check and see if we are on schedule for tonight's performance. I was told the Amazons are settling in and..." He paused as the drum sounded. "Boy, that thing is loud. It IS outside, correct?"

Twanky nodded. "And a right royal pain to move, I'm told." She winced. "Oh, I'm SO sorry, Your Majesty; I meant no insult..."

Iphicles threw back his head and laughed. "For the first time today, I can actually laugh." He held up a palm, "No, I'm not insulted. Though I was a little irritated and concerned when my guards told me Aeolusia and company showed up in full battle garb." He wagged a finger at Twanky in mock disapproval. "You should have at least informed me, BEFORE I heard it from the Captain of the Royal Guard." Iphicles added in sotto voce, "After all, even an ally doesn't get into the city if they look like they're out for someone's blood."

"A someone like YOU, especially," nodded Twanky.

"Precisely!" murmured Iphicles.

Twanky decided it was time to practice her own style of diplomacy, and calmly informed Iphicles of Discord's latest mischief. Now, it was Iphicles' turn to wince, as he heard how close they had come to disaster yet again.

"Discord just can't stop trying to turn every little problem into a reason for war and strife." He sighed, "Thank Artemis! Lulu and the rest decided to ask questions, rather than just attack blindly. "

As the drumbeats increased in tempo, Iphicles demanded, "What ARE you having them practice? I'm surprised Zara hasn't come to investigate."

Twanky's eyes widened in alarm. "Oh no, it's a surprise, you better go out and stall her. We are not due to perform for another three-quarters of an hour, and if she--"

"As my rescuer commands," Iphicles intoned with a slight bow. He immediately left Twanky.

The Widow considered what lay ahead for her. "Dancing between swords, wot would Mum say?" she muttered to the king's retreating back. "She'd say, 'Tha'd have to be mad as a box of frogs to try that!'" Then realizing what she'd said, she put her hand over her mouth, glad Iphicles hadn't heard. Best to avoid the subject of amphibians for awhile.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Are you sure that's your battle drum?" Kull yelled over the increased rumbling.

He and Zara were both sprinting down the hall toward the noise. Fortunately, in retracing his steps, Kull had managed to find the kitchen again, so both were armed with meat cleavers, but Zara had a look of determination as the drumbeats had increased in speed and volume.

"Not the first time I've heard it, so I know exactly what it sounds like," Zara shouted back. Then she screamed out the next words as loud as she could, "I'm not dead, I'm not even badly hurt. There is NO reason for this!" desperately hoping ANY of her sisters could hear what she said over the vibrating drum beats.

They skidded to a stop as Iphicles entered the hall. His timing was perfect, as the couple was about to try that door, hoping it would lead outside.

"Zara, there you are," Iphicles exclaimed, "And you look ..."

A warning glare from both Kull and Zara prompted a little discretion on Iphicles' part.

"Regal. You finally having a proper birthday celebration?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Iphicles firmly shut the door behind him, deliberately blocking access to the chamber. `Twanky, please don't choose this moment to leave,' he thought. `I need a few moments to get Zara OUT OF HERE.'

"Your Majesty, are my sisters in there?" Zara wanted to know. "I REALLY need to talk to them, NOW." She folded her arms, being sure to keep the kitchen utensil invisible. `And, I was berating Kull for giving me the little one,' she thought. `I will have to make amends for that. But thank Artemis, the drum has finally stopped.'

Kull, who had the bigger blade, had not been as successful at hiding his, so he just shrugged. Iphicles rapidly weighed his declining options, as his personal guards had seen the potential problem and were now moving within striking range of both Kull and Zara. Iphicles signaled the guards to halt, and said loud enough for all (including Twanky) to hear.

"Your sisters, Zara, are outside, and are very busy concocting a surprise for you."

He smiled broadly, trying to reassure the guards that he was NOT in any danger. "As we are at peace, STILL, and all allies, can I have my kitchen cleavers back? I'm sure the staff will need them, and you are both making my guards nervous."

Kull handed over his makeshift weapon, and immediately thereafter so did Zara. As they did so, the drum began to sound again. The guards exchanged glances, and Iphicles sensed action was required. He handed the cleavers to the guards and encircled both Kull and Zara's arms, stating conspiratorially,

"You know, a lot of bad things have happened today, and I don't blame anyone for getting the wrong idea. So, if I tell you both what we have planned for Zara's birthday celebration tonight, you must both promise to act `surprised beyond belief,'" accompanying his words with a wink. "Otherwise, we will have a genuine war on our hands. And that is exactly what Discord w--" Zara and Kull both groaned in unison, "Not her again!"

Kull growled. "I don't know her, but can't someone imprison her somewhere?"

Iphicles nodded. "Wait until I tell you what she told your sisters, Zara. And Kull...you don't want to know."

He began walking with the couple in a direction away from both `rehearsing parties,' with an entourage of guards following. "What a day...sorry to ruin your birthday, and it's almost over."

Kull interrupted, "Actually her birthday officially started after dinner--"

"I was born late in the day," Zara clarified.

"--and so we have not officially ruined that much of it. Although next year, she's DEFINITELY coming to see ME. And this `Discord' person, you can keep her in Greece."

Zara started to laugh, "Oh, and Your Majesty..."

Iphicles looked at Kull, as if to say, 'Me or you?'

Kull just smiled and pointed to Iphicles, "She means you. To her, my name is Kull."

"Yes, Your Highness." Iphicles could follow a joke, even if he didn't understand it.

"Don't tell me the surprise," Zara went on. "But I think you better explain WHY they had to go to all the trouble to move the war drum, as it is not usually part of a normal birthday celebration."

"Well, it's like this--oh let's go the kitchen, I haven't eaten yet today," Iphicles interrupted himself, seeing another golden opportunity to 'stall.' "Crickets just aren't as filling as you might think."

-------------------------------------

Chapter VIII

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cleodora, an Amazon in her fifties with medium-length silver hair and matching eyes, was engaged in animated but whispered conversation with Aeolusia as the rest of the tribe rehearsed their portion of the dance.

Cleodora (Cleo as she was known) was more than a little upset, but had been admonished by the Amazon Queen, Kirios by name, to be as cooperative as possible. Now she needed to tell someone her concerns.

"Are you going to tell her, Lulu, or shall I?" Cleodora asked curtly. "I don't want any mistakes, this part of the ceremony is too important to be--" She looked up to see the subject of the discussion approaching. "Oh, hello, Twanky, ready to rehearse again?"

Twanky nodded, "Yes, I was just getting meself ready. Wouldn't be good to make a botch of this, now would it?"

"No...and to that end, as I will also be dancing at the same time--" Cleo began, and then added under her breath, "and not by my choice." She favored the compact little woman before her with another of those "sizing up" looks.

"Er, what did you say?" Twanky asked, then told herself, 'She's been behaving strangely ever since the Queen introduced us, maybe she's getting cold feet. The gods know mine are frozen. Maybe we shouldn't do this...'

Cleo shook her head, resignedly. "Never mind. Let's get this over with."

"You know, if you aren't comfortable with the idea of doing the dance..." Twanky offered the other dancer a 'face saving' chance to decline. "I can do it alone, I'm perfectly--"

Cleo, who prided herself on being the usual dance teacher to the younger Amazons including both Zara and Lulu, bristled at the thought. She spoke through her clenched teeth. "If anyone will be dancing alone, it will be I, as at least I am properly qualified and have been performing it far longer than you." She added a reluctant confession, "Although I have seen you dance; you are a fine dancer. And with the proper practice, I'm sure you could master this dance."

"'With the proper practice'??" Twanky echoed, her voice raising a whole octave as she bristled like an angry cat. "I will need NO practice, thank you all the same. I do a dance very similar. And who are you to say I'm not qualified?"

"Similar?" Cleo's voice screeched. "There are NO dances similar. And for your information, I have seen plenty of Amazons who thought they were qualified, but failed the first test. And you have not even taken that yet."

Twanky was furious. She exploded, "Then give me the test, I assure you I will--"

"ENOUGH!!" The Queen shouted. "What is the meaning of this disturbance?"

Startled by the outburst behind her, Cleo immediately bowed her head. Twanky, who was still seething, informed the Queen, "There seems to be an argument about whether or not one of us is qualified to do this dance of yours." She muttered to Cleo, "And, to think I was trying to give you a way out."

"I don't need one," Cleo snarled, eyes snapping in the light of the nearby blazing fire. "Perhaps YOU should think of one for yourself."

"I SAID ENOUGH!!" the Queen commanded severely. "Since you both have doubts of the other's ability, I will resolve the matter in the traditional manner."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rehearsals continued for as long as necessary albeit everyone knew that the sands were flowing swiftly and the hour was growing late. As there was no moon tonight, it was not as easy to tell exactly what time it was. But the Amazons had their ways of calculating time even without sun or moon. At a quiet interval, just when it was decided that the Juniors finally had their routines 'down pat,' Queen Kirios and her two closest "elders" stood in silence for a few moments, simply listening, feeling, smelling, observing and interpreting as only they knew how. LuLu watched them, her light-colored eyes dark in the gloom, realizing that she had yet much to learn in the years ahead.

Finally Kirios nodded. "It is time! We should go now and have a word with those inside, so that everyone knows exactly what will happen and when." Rhea followed, beckoning to the others to douse the fire, finish with any bits of food they had purloined from the castle kitchen, then wait and follow when instructed. Moving the large drum inside would take at least two people. When the Elders were out of earshot, there arose a few very low murmurs and mutterings from the Juniors about "that awful stone floor."

As the Queen and the two elder Amazons entered the spacious auditorium where the program would be held, the orchestra was still preparing but getting settled, and Iphicles' stage hands were making final adjustments to the lighting (ingeniously contrived with torches, candles, oil lamps, mirrors and colored glass) and seating arrangements. Word had it that most of the people inhabiting Corinth would be attending. They were even now arriving and finding their seats while setting the hall abuzz with their bright and excited voices. Royal servants aided them or bustled back and forth attending to other details and duties. A "Guest of Honor" was often mentioned with a sense of awe, and a 'front and center' seat was provided for this important personage.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The trio, (plus entourage) had arrived at the kitchen, and Iphicles graciously allowed Kull and Zara to return their `borrowed' knives. After politely inquiring but being refused his offer of further sustenance, Iphicles got his own platter and additional plates for the guards who had not eaten. The guards, however, observing protocol, elected to dine at an adjoining table. Iphicles proceeded to dine with gusto. Between mouthfuls, he related the tale Twanky had told him. Zara shook her head, and Kull just folded his arms without comment.

"So, you see," Iphicles said, as he pushed aside his now-finished platter, "Discord has been doing her best to stir up 'hate and discontent.' And, I'm sure she's not finished yet." He inquired, "You sure you don't even want some water? I haven't exactly been a proper host, and..."

"Yes, water will be fine, thank you," Kull acknowledged, and Zara nodded as well.

"We didn't burn up that much energy running down the hall, and you need to keep us here, until everyone is ready...or me at least," Zara observed.

Iphicles groaned in dismay. "I was that obvious; they are going to kill me." Noticing the guards had now jumped up in alarm, he added in a loud voice, "Twanky and your sisters are going to be so angry that I've ruined your surprise!!"

As the guards reseated themselves, muttering, Iphicles added sotto voce, "I'm not going to be able to get them to leave me alone, so remind me to watch what I say. That drum is really making them nervous."

"That's what it is designed to do, Your Majesty," Zara added gently, patting his arm in sympathy. "That's why it's so effective, both to motivate us and to demoralize the enemy."

"If it's all the same, could you address me as Iphicles?" he asked gently. "I'd prefer to be informal, for your birthday anyway." Iphicles surveyed Kull. "And, since we are all allies, you should probably do the same."

They both nodded in agreement, and Kull offered, "And you may address me as Kull, if you like." He sipped his goblet of water, expectantly regarding Zara.

"Zara," she provided, and also swallowed a refreshing mouthful from her goblet.

Iphicles laughed easily, to break the tension.

"Now, I need some advice and counsel from Kull," Iphicles stated, as Kull watched him. The taller king raised an eyebrow as he waited.

"What did you and Liza do to Bombastium? He met me in the main hall as I was on the way to--" Iphicles looked at Zara apologetically--"check on your surprise. He was beginning to tell me his grievance, when Liza came up behind him and started-- counting."

Kull, whose eyes had narrowed at the report that Bombastium was reopening an issue HE had settled, now suddenly roared in laughter, spilling water on both Zara and Iphicles. Iphicles wiped up the water with a napkin and continued, as if nothing was amiss. "And she STARTED at 1,015; 1,016; 1,017..."

"Did Bombastium keep talking??" Zara asked, laughing, for she already knew what had happened. Kull wiped his eyes, and chuckled to himself.

"NOT after she started counting," Iphicles responded cheerfully. "Well," he amended, "that's not entirely true." He was enjoying the joke, although he was still in the dark as to EXACTLY what was so funny. "In fact, he muttered, 'Never mind, Sire, it's been resolved'...six more words which Liza counted by the way," he added, conspiratorially. "Then he turned and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction." He folded his arms. "I can't get the guy to be quiet, so, as a favor to an ally, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Still chuckling, the King of Valusia related EXACTLY what he had done, and the punishment for exceeding "how many words you WILL be allowed to speak on this matter, before I render my FINAL DECISION on it."

"So, he is now six words over MY LIMIT, so..." Kull trailed off, sipping his refilled water goblet. "It is YOUR decision, what action to take on the matter." He shrugged, as it was a delicate matter, advising another ruler how to run HIS realm.

"As long as the matter REMAINS resolved, I think I will waive the necessary punishment," Iphicles stated flatly. Indeed he did not care for being told now to run his realm, but sensed Kull--though obviously indignant that his decision had been questioned--had indeed resolved the matter as Iphicles would have. "Your decisions, for the most part, have been exactly the same as mine would be."

Iphicles leaned forward, being careful to keep enough distance between the two monarchs as NOT to cause the guards to become alarmed and take unnecessary and easily misinterpreted actions. "Tell me about Meltillis. He's never gotten a fair trial from any of our magistrates, and I WAS his last hope. He gushed over how fair and just YOU were." He hesitated. "At least, that's what I think he said. He's SO hard to understand when he talks, it's painful to hear."

Kull smiled, "The secret is to NOT let him talk."

Seeing Iphicles' blank look of `what did he say?' at Zara, Kull continued. "Let him sing." He looked smug. "I got that tip from Liza; when he sings he's clear as a bell, and...yes Liza, we were just speaking of you."

Liza had reappeared. She had been sent by the Amazons and Twanky to "Get them all back now."

"Uhm, your Majesties and Your Highness, could you come with me please. Your presence is required elsewhere."

Zara smiled, "Are you all finally ready??"

"Yes ma'am." Liza smiled, "Enjoy your birthday celebration!"

Linking arms, the trio left the kitchen. Iphicles looked back at his guards, who were confused as to what they were now supposed to be doing. "Come on then, let's not keep everyone waiting."

It was a short walk back to the auditorium and as Iphicles had his own viewing area, Zara had an unobstructed view of all proceedings. She was seated between Kull and Iphicles on a well-cushioned bench. To Twanky and the Amazons' credit, word of the performance had spread through Corinth. And, since it WAS Grievance Day, many people from the surrounding villages had not as yet left the city. So by this time the arena was full, and there were even people standing in the aisles.

"Impressive turnout!" marveled Iphicles. "Can you both see all right?" He had just returned from a "Last-minute backstage meeting...I forgot, sorry" was the excuse he had given Zara and Kull. Actually, wanting to forestall trouble, he had been backstage, being briefed on EXACTLY what was going to happen. Both Twanky and the Amazon group had been reluctant to reveal ALL the details. Cleodora, from the Widow's troupe, was especially vocal on this point. But the king would brook no argument. "I want NO more surprises," he had firmly made it known. "Discord has used them to stir up trouble, and nerves are already stretched to their breaking point. DO NOT give me a reason to cancel this performance, for we all have been through enough today."

Iphicles reseated himself. "Good thing, the king has his own assigned seat."

"Should we save a space for..." Kull hesitated and leaned over to whisper to Zara, "What's the winged guy's name again?"

"Cupid," Zara replied, "and I don't ... oh wait; there he is, over by Twanky."

Zara was about to shout her question to Cupid, when Iphicles' arm covered hers.

"He might be okay where he is. He and Twanky got kind of..." Iphicles paused, but smiled and went on, "friendly in the bath."

Zara raised her scarred eyebrow crookedly, making it look more than ever like a check-mark. "Oh really! Good for her!"

"Well, that's what I've been overhearing as gossip from my staff. They were pretty--noisy. And from what I understand, they weren't the only ones."

Zara and Kull both smiled, though neither made a comment. Zara's face felt burning hot.

-------------------------------------

Chapter IX

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Despite any earlier nitpickiness by the Widow, her dancers--aided by a superb orchestral score--had never performed so well or with such dynamism, united by a piercing focus, spinning and leaping into the air like water from a fountain, possessed of a lyrical grace, pliant backs and floating arms in conjunction with almost incredibly deft, snappy footwork and subtly undulating torsos. Each would offer spectacular feats (a leg held high behind the head during a turn, astonishing backbends) and silky, seamless motion that often made them look like ice skaters. Every song and accompanying dance number was appealing and memorable, colorful and containing the kind of sparkle that served to delight and sweep the onlookers away on clouds of imagination.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, behind another curtain, the Amazon tribe's tallest and strongest members, with the help of stage pulleys and levers, brought in a wooden pillar carved to represent Artemis, as the central point of the dance honoring her. The statue had been dragged on a litter behind the Amazon horses, the other reason for their tardiness in arriving. After the noisy bustle and chatter of intermission, Twanky, flushed with her triumph, hurried back to join the Amazons, but one or two had gone out on stage to paint some lines on the floor, necessary for the Amazon dance.

After a short conference with Cleo, Aeolusia lent the Widow her own costume, as she would be providing the vocal music instead of dancing. She now wore an attractive figure-enhancing evening dress provided by the castle servants--bone white in color, she had insisted upon, to match the Manaia that she wore with pride.

"Oh, but you are so slim, my dear, so lithe and so--'willowy,' as we say in my country," the Widow protested. "I shall never be able to wear these!" eyeing the items of clothing dubiously that LuLu handed to her.

"Now, now," smiled the Amazon, "I'm not THAT much taller than you, Ma'am, not like some people I can think of," and she glanced archly at Rhea, one of the muscular six-foot women who had just put the statue in its place. That particular Amazon shot an equally arch look back at her smaller sister, as if they shared a particular secret joke. "And, see here, the darts are constructed in just such a clever way so that the material is...forgiving."

"Besides," the tall Amazon supplied, "leather stretches." She surveyed the article in question. "This might actually look better on you--" meaning Twanky--"than it does on 'certain people I can think of,'" elbowing LuLu, who grinned and nudged back.

"Oh, by the way," asked LuLu, "what has been decided about the drum? Are we bringing it inside or leaving it out--?"

"Zeus, no!" Rhea answered in her abrupt manner, "you know very well if it were brought inside, the sound would be deafening and enough to raise the rooftops."

LuLu nodded with a chuckle. "And knowing Iphicles, having his castle roof displaced would NOT please him."

Rhea laid a friendly hand on the Widow's shoulder. "The applause for your dance troupe's performance was enough to at least rattle the rafters, doesn't everyone agree?" This elicited a bright grin from the Widow and a cheerful buzz of affirmative remarks around her.

Queen Kirios looked away as the two absent Amazons reappeared, joining them. She now clapped her hands for attention, and the hum of voices instantly fell to silence. "Now, let's talk over our routines just once more, since immediately after intermission, we are ON!!!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The curtain finally parted to reveal a pile of fighting staffs in the center of the stage. The overhead lighting underwent subtle changes. Although Iphicles' orchestra had left the orchestra pit, the Amazon musicians, now unmasked, preferred to adhere as closely to tradition as possible and play while situated close to their sisters onstage.

The flutist began a low, feral-sounding tune, soft and lonely. More musical layers were added by the lyre and small drums, and then a startling clashing of cymbals and other sounds as masked, feathered Amazons swung down to the stage on ropes. In time to the music, they snatched up the staffs and performed a fancy twirling routine to front, side and overhead in unison. As the music increased in volume and speed, the Amazons proceeded to gyrate, jump, spin, twirl, leap, and wriggle to the wild instrumentation and heavy drumbeats, all of which intensified to a fevered pitch. Many dance movements were in flowing unison while others were meant to be spontaneous. In the midst of the action, pretend fighting moves were executed among several of the sisters using the staffs. Frequent yells and shrieks were heard; chanting and singing in the native language was supplied by LuLu and two others providing harmony.

When this number ended and the crowd was still roaring its approval, Kirios the Queen, resplendent in her eagle mask and a multicolored headdress made of grasses and feathers, came forward while the other Amazons, ribs rising and falling as they regained their breath, all prostrated themselves to her in a circle. They remained kneeling as she raised her mask and then spoke, explaining that the dance just seen was a typical Amazon dance of fun and frolic, as well as a representation of the spirit and identity of the tribe. She went on to outline the nature of the dances which would follow....

Again the lighting changed to include hints of soft pastel shades. The dancers moved in intricate circles and spiral patterns, imitating the path of the Sun and Moon in the sky and the continuing cycles of the seasons. The spring segment was performed by the youngest girls, who wore flowers (provided by Iphicles' staff) and sprang and jumped lightly and merrily, obviously suggesting new life and growth. Aeolusia sang a lilting, joyous song reminiscent of birds wheeling through a sunny blue sky. The dancers of Twanky's troupe, standing on the lines painted earlier on the floor, formed a labyrinth pattern which symbolized travelling inward toward beginnings (seasonal as well as origins within the human spiritual and physical being) and outward again in the "original heroic journey." The Amazon girls danced through the pattern.

The labyrinth shifted, opening a center space. Now came the 'first summer harvesting' dance, under a bright light edged with a creamy gold, which focused on one sister who represented Rhea Kronia and held a sickle that looked like a silver crescent moon. The dancers most active were still the young girls, although a number of slightly older ones were joining in a dance depicting the richness and growth of the summer season. The music, underscored by LuLu's bracing vocals, was lush and exhilarating. Shadows were sharply drawn, completing the summerlike aspect.

The autumnal dance still involved Rhea Kronia. Now the illumination was more subdued, suggesting blurred shadows and cloudy skies. The most active performers in this were the mature adult women, portraying the "ageing and decay of the year." Twanky, now painted and feathered till she blended in surprisingly well, was a part of this dance.

Finally came the winter dance, involving the eldest of the dancers. Its pace was more sedate, gradually slowing as the lighting grayed and dimmed, convincingly suggesting the shortening days of The Dark Time of the Year. At its somber conclusion, as a mournful tune was sung and played, all the dancers lay down on the floor in a weary attitude as though spent and now welcoming death. As the music gently continued, the lights gradually dimmed toward darkness...

Throughout the performances, the audience's excitement had risen to an almost unbearable level. It was blended with a particular edginess in the atmosphere, like an almost palpable tang, something akin to fear borne not only of rumors of aggressive and merciless warriors but simply out of the true earthy origins of the Amazons, a people so different in background from either Iphicles' royal household or the townspeople both rich and poor. These Amazons were near neighbors to the king; yet their lives, traditions and instincts continued to be closely tied to not only Artemis, but Gaia, Demeter and Persephone. And although they did live in a nearby castle (won from an evil warlord during a past war), duties were rotated--half the fairly large tribe residing in the castle for a specified time, to protect their interests there, while the rest shifted to a village in the forest during that interval so as not to let themselves "get too comfortable" and lose their edge in skills and training. They were on friendly terms with the King and the city of Corinth--Iphicles made it plain that he trusted them, and the people he ruled took their cues from him--and yet the Amazons were a unique people whose ways were strange and, granted, a bit unsettling to the views of ordinary folk. Nonetheless, human nature being what it is, every member of the audience was admittedly curious, which lured even a few more prejudiced locals who might otherwise choose to ignore the strange race of feral women who lived apart from men...

The audience's general emotional tension had been subtly augmented till now the Amazons had them in the palms of their hands. Many hearts were racing and there were cheers, "Huzzah's!" and spontaneous applause even during the dances. By the time the last dancer, a white-haired woman of 65 but hearty and agile for her years, had sunk to the floor of the darkening stage to sprawl in an attitude of resignation to a quiet demise, a few faint sobs could be heard as two or three women near the front actually wept. But hearts quickly felt lighter at the sight of the youngest Amazons reappearing out of the gloom to tiptoe warily about amid their elders, suggesting spring's faithful promise to return and renew the eternal cycle.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Concealed by the second curtain, some four or five yards behind the first, the tall wooden statue of Artemis stood. Kirios waited backstage till the applause and cheering of the audience died down, then excused herself from the remaining few people milling around and chatting quietly, so that she could walk out and make her introduction prior to the finale.

"We are Amazons, worshipers of Artemis. She is the daughter of Zeus and Leto. Her twin brother is Apollo. She is the lady of the wild things. She is the huntsman of the gods. She is the protector of the young. Like Apollo she hunts with silver arrows. She became associated with the moon and with Hecate. She is a virgin goddess, and the goddess of chastity. She is also defender and guardian of women in childbirth and of wildlife in general. All wild animals are sacred to her, especially the bear and the deer."

Zara, who had been entranced by the program, felt jolted back to earth by her Queen's introduction. She gasped in shock. "She can't be serious!"

Kull murmured, "Well, I wouldn't tell my leader that, but.."

Zara interrupted, "She just gave the traditional introduction for one of our most sacred and difficult dances," Zara shook her head in wonder, "a dance I have yet to master." She smiled, in understanding. "OH, Cleo's here!! She must be feeling better. But with everything that has happened today..."

Iphicles lost the battle to keep from smiling. "You needn't worry; I'm not."

Zara turned and studied him for a moment. "This was your 'emergency backstage meeting,' wasn't it?"

Iphicles shrugged.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile the two dancers who would perform the tribute to Artemis, namely Twanky and Cleo, were busy in the background. They were arranging the swords into the necessary five-pointed star configuration when something strange happened. Someone of unusual awkwardness managed to stumble against, and singlehandedly topple, the huge wooden statue it had taken four exceptionally strong Amazons to get on stage and into position. A frightened outcry was heard from that direction, undoubtedly uttered by the unfortunate one who had upset the statue. Nobody else had time to wonder over how this could possibly happen to a statue that must weigh at least four hundred pounds. Screams rose from the audience as the curtains billowed and parted.

"I think you spoke too soon," Kull stated in warning, as all three saw the curtains swaying. "Something is definitely amiss."

"I told them NO more surprises," Iphicles growled. "Zara, come back here!"

Ignoring his command, Zara continued her flight towards backstage.

"Can nothing go as planned today??" Iphicles snarled as both he and Kull gave chase.

"No," Kull answered. "Apparently not."

A few seconds had passed since the statue had teetered crazily, then begun its descent. It was headed directly toward The Widow and Cleo, who were occupied and unaware of anything amiss until a dark shadow obliterated the gleam of the swords...

Only the lightning-swift actions of Cupid saved them from being crushed; the young god flew up from backstage at the speed of sound to catch the statue only milliseconds before it struck the two women. When they realized who their savior was, Twanky was the first to rush to him for a tender embrace. Cleo, suddenly uncharacteristically shy, hung back a little, awed by the shimmering god before her, but when she found her voice she thanked him profusely for saving their lives.

"And now," affirmed Twanky indignantly, when she had collected herself and adjusted the costume which was annoyingly tight in some areas, "I need to have a word with that clumsiest of so-called 'dancers'!" She growled and stamped away. "SOMEONE is about to get an earful!"

Cleo, angry fire gleaming in her eyes, followed, "Wait for me, and it better not have been one of mine!!"

Another strange sig