The BLTS Archive - You Can Keep Your Hat On by Zoinky --- Paramount owns the Star Trek Universe. I don't get any payment from this piece except for the satisfaction of taking the characters where they should go, but that TPTB won't let them. Any comments you feel appropriate are welcome. I know this ain't fine art, I just wrote it for a grin and a giggle. --- Alyssa and Deanna sat at a table in the middle of Ten Forward. "What is this about Alyssa? Beverly was supposed to meet us here ten minutes ago." "I have no idea. All I know is she has been shut up in her office for the past three days pouring over the medical data base. I've had to bring her the files for most of the senior staff. Perhaps she has managed to find a new cure for some dreaded disease." "I don't think so Alyssa. That wasn't the feeling I was getting from her. Her mood was playful." Guinan joined them. "I would say that Beverly is up to some sort of mischief." Beverly rushed into Ten Forward, her face slightly flushed. "I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to run a final check on everything to make sure it functioned as planned. It does, so ladies shall we adjourn to the holodeck?" As the group entered the relative privacy of the turbolift, Deanna turned to Beverly. "Okay, spill it. What have you been up to?" "You will have to be patient Deanna. You will get to see everything in just a few minutes. But I will tell you this much, I got the idea following the bachelor party last month." Alyssa looked at the women confused. She had no idea what they were talking about. Deanna explained, "Lt. Commander Adams got married last month. Will threw a bachelor party for him and invited all of the senior staff but Beverly and me." "It's not that we minded not being invited, I doubt we would have attended if we had been." Beverly interjected. "Right. It was the method Will used that bothered us both. He announced the party at the weekly poker game and then made a big deal out of the fact it was for men only." Deanna continued. "Shortly thereafter the entire poker game degenerated from a bad case of testosterone poisoning. I vowed then and there that I wouldn't get mad, but I would get even. After tonight I think the scales will just about be balanced." The turbolift stopped and the doors opened, Beverly pointed at the doors to the holodeck. "Inside ladies is our revenge. Won't you please join me for a little entertainment?" The group entered and looked around, very curious as to just what Beverly had planned. The holodeck had been programmed with a nightclub stage. Deanna glanced around and realized that most of the audience was women. As they took their seats, the crowd started to chant and clap their hands for the show to begin. The house lights faded and a pinspot came up on the MC. "Ladies, we have a real treat for you tonight. Straight from their sellout performance on Risa, I give you the Commanders." The pinspot faded and the audience started to hoot and catcall. Horns and an electric guitar played a riff and then were joined by drums setting a driving rhythm. Guinan sat back in her chair prepared to enjoy the show, I haven't seen this in centuries, she thought. Deanna leaned over to Beverly almost shouting to be heard. "Interesting music. What is it called?" Beverly smiled and shouted back, "You Can Leave Your Hat on. I promise you, you will understand in just a minute." The stage was bathed in pink light when Will Riker made his first appearance. Clothed in his dress uniform he danced out onto the stage, followed closely by Geordi, Picard, Data and finally Worf. The five men formed a straight line and started gyrating suggestively. Alyssa looked at the stage wide-eyed. "Are they about to do what I think they are about to do?" Beverly grinned and nodded. Reaching into her handbag, she drew out a pile of paper money. "It is traditional to stick this into the waist bands of the performers at the appropriate time." "I don't think my husband would like this very much." "Relax Alyssa, it's just a holoprogram." Deanna comforted, "I think it is a very healthy way to release pent up aggression and besides, you're married, not dead." The words to the music rang out. "Let me take off your coat...real slow." The men on the stage started to comply, picking at the fastenings in a teasing fashion. Guinan called across the table, "Beverly, just how far have you programmed them to go?" Beverly smiled. "The Full Monty" Alyssa's eyes got even larger. "You've spent most of the week with the medical data base." "That's right and I can guarantee you these re-creations will be accurate down to the smallest detail." Deanna sat back in her chair and smirked. She knew of one way to test the validity of Beverly's claim. The jackets were thrown offstage. The music suggested, You can take off your shoes. But the men weren't wearing any shoes in the first place, so they all peeled off their undershirts. Within seconds they were standing on the stage bare chested. The audience roared in appreciation. "Okay, so I couldn't program a graceful way for them to get out of the boots. The shirts are better anyway." The dancers did a few bump and grinds to work their way down to the front of the stage. Hips swaying, pelvises thrusting, they unfastened the Velcro closures on the pants legs. Then with a practiced ease, they grabbed the waist bands of their trousers and tore the clothing away. The audience screamed with delight as the five men stood before them in red satin G-strings, the Star Fleet emblem emblazoned upon the pouch. "Oh, nice touch Beverly!" Deanna screamed. "Thank-you, I try." "Speaking of which," Guinan said as she stood and took a fist full of dollars, "I think now is the appropriate moment to use this." The other three women also grabbed some dollars and followed her to the stage. Just as they got there, the dancers turned around and flexed their buttocks. That's when Deanna saw it. Will's birthmark. Beverly had copied everything accurately, down to the last detail. An hour later the women sat in the deserted holodeck, flushed, sweaty and slightly hoarse. Everything but the table and chairs they were using had returned to the black and yellow grid. "Well, what do you think?" Beverly asked. "I didn't know they could dance so well." Alyssa commented. Are you going to tell them about it?" "No, I don't think so. I intend to delete the program just as soon as we are finished." "No!" Guinan and Deanna responded together. "Beverly, you have the start of a very beneficial relaxation program here. I suggest you save it, and perhaps even augment it some. I can give you some pointers on how to improve Will's performance and perhaps bring it up to par with the Captain's." "And I know a bartender on Celtus 3 that would make a wonderful addition to the cast." Guinan said. "Okay," Beverly said smiling, "I'll save the program and give you each a copy so that you can make your improvements. Why don't we plan another ladies night next month to show off our work?" Having reserved a date and time, the ladies left the holodeck to return to their quarters, only to find the Captain and Will approaching them in the hall. Their appearance set off a round of giggles. "Remember, not a word to anyone about this." Beverly warned. "Right," Deanna added. "Both Will and the Captain have been itchy the last month just waiting for us to get our revenge. I think they deserve to wait just a little bit longer." The two men approached the group of flushed, smiling women with just a bit of trepidation. But instead of confronting them, the women continued to smile and just walked on by. The two groups had cleared each other by ten feet, when Beverly, unable to resist temptation any longer, scooted back to join the Captain. Taking the one remaining dollar bill, she folded it and stuck it behind his communicator, then kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for a wonderful evening Jean-Luc, and you can keep your hat on." Then she ran off to join the other women laughing hysterically as they staggered down the hall, leaving a very confused Jean-Luc Picard to wonder what was going on. --- The End