The BLTS Archive - The Sixth Thing That Never Happened to Odo
by C.Zdroj(czb@comcast.net)

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DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the DS9 universe and characters. No
copyright infringement is intended here. Please ask before re-posting
or republishing.

ARCHIVING: ASC, BLTS, Bajorarama. Others please ask.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This bit of fluff came intruding on me while I was
writing "Five Things That Never Happened to Odo," but of course, Quark
insisted on having this story all to himself--well, mostly to himself.

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Quark looked around at Odo's demolished quarters, taking in the broken
furniture, the upended flower-planter, the fried computer console, and
finally the constable himself, completely disheveled as he sat
miserably on the floor amidst the wreckage.

Quark took a deep breath. "I know I'm gonna regret asking this, but
what the hell happened here?"

Odo didn't even bother to meet his gaze. "You don't want to know."

"Hmmm ..." The Ferengi began to pace the room, making a show of
surveying the damage. "Well, let me guess. Someone got a glimpse of
Major Kira and her fearless resistance leader last night, figured out
that they've been getting naked together, and then decided to demolish
perfectly innocent--and might I add potentially valuable--property in
a jealous rage. Am I close?"

Odo sighed, not even bothering to challenge this interpretation of the
evidence. "What are you doing here, Quark?"

"Ah, I see you've forgotten. Typical. Completely predictable. We had
an appointment, if you'll recall. A private appointment. Very, very
private."

"I remember," said Odo wearily.

"Well you could've fooled me," snorted Quark. "I know that I can't
possibly compete with your little Bajorans-in-tight-uniforms fixation,
but I did take time out of my busy schedule for you, and I'd
appreciate a little reciprocity now and then."

Odo shut his eyes and sagged against the nearest article of broken
furniture. "Not now, Quark. I have a headache."

"Yeah, right. I bet you'd never say that to you-know-who."

"Are you finished?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm not. You know what, Odo, I never thought I'd
say this, but you're pathetic. Why can't you just come out with it and
tell the woman how you feel?"

"I have my reasons. Besides, why do you care?"

"I care because there is absolutely no profit to be had in what you're
doing. That suffering in silence routine is old, and you know it. And
it's no fun for me if you're getting all ... mopey every time I'd like
a little nice, gooey oomox."

"Why don't you say that a little louder so the whole station can hear
you?" snapped Odo, finally roused out of his self-pity and into true
irritation.

"You think I won't?" challenged Quark. "You don't think I'm tired of
being taken for granted? I'll tell the whole damn station I've been
taking the security chief to bed!"

"We've never been to bed," Odo corrected, pedantically.

"Fine," said Quark. "Stuffed my cock in the security chief's nice warm
goo, then. Does that phrasing suit you better?"

Odo said nothing.

"Look," said Quark. "This mooning over Kira nonsense has gone on long
enough. Either you tell her how you feel--say, within the next
forty-eight hours--or I'm telling the entire station about my lobes
and your talented hands--and all those other parts of you that don't
have names and where you put them."

Odo stood, glowering down at the Ferengi. "You're serious, aren't
you?"

"Serious as ten bars of latinum," Quark assured him.

Odo stepped closer, then extended his hands and brought them very
gingerly down to rest on Quark's lobes. "I don't suppose I could ...
change your mind," he said in a low, husky voice.

Quark sighed as Odo's fingers began to liquify around the sensitive
tissue. "Don't you think ... for one minute ... that this is getting
you off the hook," the Ferengi mumbled. "I still expect you to ...
come clean with ... Kira."

"We'll talk about it later," Odo murmured back, letting his hands
explore the terrain of Quark's ears. "Much later ..."

"Much ... much later," Quark gurgled in agreement.

He wasn't exactly sure at what point his legs buckled underneath him,
but by that point he was enjoying himself too much to care.

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The End