The BLTS Archive - Janeway's Island
by Yvonne (yvonnem@scififan.com)

---

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all the characters, of course. And they are
totally evil because they are never going to give us any J/C on TV.
Note: this story does contain a bit of sex, but nothing very explicit.

Feedback : I would love to hear from people who like my attempt at
writing, or even people who have some constructive criticism. Hey, I'm
new at this.

---

"Tuvok, you have the bridge", said Captain Janeway, trying not to
sound as weary as she felt.

"Yes, captain" the Vulcan replied without missing a beat.

Ignoring worried stares, Kathryn strode headed towards the turbo-lift.
Her shift didn't officially end for another five minutes, but the day
had been long and uneventful enough already. As captain she was
entitled to some privileges, after all. She wandered down the
corridor, lost in her thoughts.


When Voyager had finally been able to decode the message from the
Alpha quadrant and find the waiting slipstream ship, Kathryn had been
so excited that she finally had a way to take her crew home. She had
tried to keep her optimism to herself, of course; but the
psychological blow of disappointment had been painful nonetheless. Now
it seemed they were no closer to home than before, gaining only more
shattered hopes in the process. Sometimes she felt like giving the
order for Voyager to find a nice habitable planet to settle. Certainly
most of her crew would be more than content to live out the remainder
of their lives in peace. She continued walking down the corridor and
nodded absently to a pair of ensigns walking the other way. Once the
couple was out of sight, Kathryn sighed to herself. It was young;
hopeful faces like that which made her remember her responsibilities.
Despite the fact that she had no husband waiting for her anymore, she
owed it to her crew's families to get them back in one piece.


"Ah, Captain, it's good to see you" chirruped Neelix in front of her.

With a start, Kathryn realised she had subconsciously walked to the
mess hall. She looked around the warm room; buzzing with conversation,
and realised that this would be as good a place as any to work on some
reports. "Get me some coffee please, Neelix."

"Just coffee? Are you sure you wouldn't like to try some of my
delicious vegetable stew?"

Janeway smiled in resignation. The Talaxian was always trying to get
her to eat his odd concoctions, worrying that she would fade away if
she missed a meal. Tonight, however, there was an unusually good aroma
rising from the pot on his bench. Her stomach grumbled warningly.
Perhaps she was hungry after all.

"All right, dish me up some of that stew."

Neelix grinned in delight and got her a bowl, chatting as he worked
about the origins of tonight's menu. Kathryn decided she would be
better off not knowing, and scanned the room to see who was there.
Lieutenants Paris and Torres were sitting together, engaged in
animated conversation. The Delaney twins were entertaining a pair of
young engineering crewmen, and various other couples were eating and
talking quietly. She suddenly realised something was bothering her
about this picture.

"Neelix," she began tentatively, "have you noticed how many new
relationships have formed on this ship recently?"

The Talaxian stopped what he was doing and regarded her thoughtfully.
"Perhaps people are beginning to realise that we could be out here a
long time, Captain" he said slowly. "Your crew has been alone for
several years now. I think they may be finally giving up on the
relationships they left behind, and forming new ones."

"You mean they don't think we are going to get home?" Despite
Kathryn's own doubts, knowing that her crew had lost faith in her was
like a blow to the stomach.

"No, no, that's not it at all" he was quick to reassure her. "Your
crew has every confidence that you will find a way."

"But?."

"But they can't be expected to put their social lives on hold until
you do" he concluded somberly. "Despite the fact that Starfleet frown
upon this kind of thing, forming close bonds out here may the best way
for people to cope."

"I know you're right, Neelix" she admitted softly, "I just sometimes
feel that I'm leading a village instead of a starship. It's a novel
experience."

"You know, captain" he began carefully, "there is no reason why you
shouldn't form closer relationships too."

"Mr. Neelix." she warned him sternly.

The Talaxian was unfazed, however.

"Take Commander Chakotay for example. If this is a village, then you
and him are our leaders, or perhaps our village elders. No one would
think twice if you got together. It is obvious that he likes you."

"Neelix, that is enough!" she barked, startling him into submission.

The Captain knew that the meddling alien meant well, but she wasn't
going to put up with his matchmaking attempts. Village elders indeed!
She laughed inwardly at the image it invoked of herself with grey hair
and a wise face. As if she didn't feel old enough already! Despite the
actions of her crew, she still had a responsibility not to let her
personal life jeopardise Voyager. Even if that did mean ignoring the
attentions of a handsome first officer.She carried her dinner over to
an unoccupied table and started working on a PADD.


An hour later, Kathryn gave up trying to get any more work done. Her
temples throbbed and the bowl of stew had become a congealed mess at
her elbow. Perhaps a game of racquetball with Seven would help get rid
of some of the stress, she decided.

"Janeway to Seven" she tapped her com-badge.

"Yes, captain?" the woman's deep, vibrant voice sounded slightly out
of breath.

"Are you busy at the moment, Seven?"

"Actually, Ensign Kim is instructing me on the finer details of
physical intimacy. He has his hand on my..."

There was a muffled gasp, and the sounds of a brief struggle obscured
the rest of her sentence.

"Um.Captain?" this time it was a male voice, and Kathryn found herself
smiling at Harry's obvious embarrassment.

"I'm sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to ask Seven for a game on
the holo-deck, but it can wait."

"That's all right, captain. I'm just helping her. fix the replicator
in her room."

"Very well. Have a nice evening, you two. Janeway out."

Kathryn sighed and massaged her temple again. Perhaps it would be best
if she had an early night.

---

In the early hours of the morning there was an unusual congregation
around Neelix's kitchen. Tom Paris, Harry Kim, and Neelix leaned
against the counter, drinking coffee.

"I heard that yesterday she left the bridge before her shift was
finished," announced Tom, in a concerned voice.

"Yes, the captain has been doing that quite a lot lately" agreed Harry
"I think that incident with the faked message from Starfleet has hit
her hard."

"No harder than the rest of us, surely" the blonde man argued.

The Talaxian looked up from the pot he was stirring and joined in the
conversation.

"I think it is because she has more to lose if you don't get home."

Tom looked confused. "What do you mean, Neelix?"

"I mean that while you both have found friendship and romance out
here, she still sees only her unending responsibility."

"That's ridiculous", said Paris indignantly, "if she wants
companionship, what's wrong with Commander Chakotay? Everyone has
noticed the way he looks at her."

"I tried explaining that to her last night, but she wouldn't listen."
Neelix had a long-suffering look on his round face.

"I think the captain believes that she would somehow put the ship in
danger if she got involved with him" Harry commented softly.

"Yeah, like she wouldn't sacrifice the ship to save any of us
already?" Tom scoffed. "I think she is putting the ship in danger by
not having a relationship. Our captain needs to unwind a bit before
she explodes."

"Perhaps.there is something we can do to help her realise this?"
Neelix suggested slyly.

Conspiratorial smiles lit up the faces of the other two men.

"What do you have in mind?


A while later, the trio had almost finished hammering out the details
of their plan.

"You realise that we are going to need the co-operation of the rest of
the crew for this" interrupted Harry.

"I'm sure most would be able to keep a secret, but what about Tuvok?"
Tom asked, sounding worried. "He would refuse to lie to the captain."

"Don't you worry, I'll handle the Vulcan" said Neelix confidently.
From the look on his face, the other two knew that Tuvok was not going
to enjoy whatever he had in mind.

"Harry, you and B'Elanna can handle the engineering crew. I'll get the
EMH to help me with the others. I'm sure the doctor would be thrilled
at finding a way to get the captain to relax.

"And I will make the holo-deck arrangements" added Neelix.

---

Kathryn strode into the turbo-lift, grateful that yet another boring,
uneventful shift was over. For some reason the bridge crew had been
acting rather strange today. They all wore big, dopey grins, and
avoided eye contact with her. Her first officer, Chakotay, seemed just
as mystified. When she asked him about it, he just shrugged and gave
her a helpless little smile. She hoped Neelix hadn't planned another
"Talent night" or something equally embarrassing. On that thought, she
decided to visit the mess hall. Perhaps she could get some straight
answers out of the Talaxian.

"Captain, you're just the person I wanted to see" Neelix exclaimed
when he saw her enter.

"I am?"

"Yes, I wanted to make sure you are coming to the party tomorrow
night."

"Party?" she repeated, feeling a little bemused.

Neelix patted her sympathetically on the shoulder.

"I can't believe you haven't heard about it yet. I decided that the
crew needs something to cheer them up, so I've organised a little
celebration on the holo-deck tomorrow night. Lieutenant Paris is
providing the holo-program, and I'm doing the catering."

"Shouldn't you have cleared the matter with me first?" she asked
frostily.

"I am now, captain. You're not going to say no, now that everyone is
looking forward too it, are you?"

Kathryn realised he had manoeuvred her into a tight spot.

"I guess I can't say no" she sighed. "But I would appreciate some
advance warning next time."

"Of course, Captain. We'll see you there at 2000 hours."

Neelix grinned impishly and rushed away before she could tell him she
would be too busy.

"Let me guess, you just got bullied into attending the party tomorrow
night" said a deep voice from behind. Kathryn turned to find that
Chakotay had entered behind her.

"I suppose I have", she admitted wryly.

"Me too. It should be good for crew morale, though" he reflected.
"Just so long as they don't expect me to sing or dance."

Chakotay smiled at her, and she felt herself warming to the idea of
spending an evening in his company.

---

At 20:05 the next day, Kathryn took one last wistful look at the pile
of reports awaiting her attention, and then left for the holo-deck.
She was wearing a dark green cashmere sweater and jeans, with her blue
bathing suit underneath. Neelix had hinted that there would be a
swimming pool, and that was one thing she was looking forward to. She
had wanted to wear her uniform, of course - she always felt more
secure in the regulation red and black. But Neelix would have been
upset by such formality. It was a sad thing when a chef bossed around
a starship captain, she thought ruefully.

She eventually entered the holo-deck and find herself outside a
rustic-looking log cabin situated on a lake shore. Many crewmembers
were already milling around on the grass, sitting under pine trees and
chatting. From the warmth and orange-tinged sunlight, Kathryn guessed
it was supposed to be about late afternoon.

"Captain, it's good to see you here" said a cheerful voice. It was
Tom, standing on the wooden veranda with his arm around B'Elanna.
Strains of music could be heard from the room behind them.

"Good evening Paris, Torres" she nodded at them.

"So what do you think of my latest program?" asked Tom, gesturing to
include the whole scene.

"I think it is definitely up to your usual high standards" she
replied, moving closer to get out of the direct sunlight.

"There is food and alcohol inside," offered B'Elanna, "as well as
music if you want to dance."

"I think I'll pass on that, thank you. I was planning have a swim
first."

"That's just what we were going to do. Come on, I'll show you the
beach." Tom trotted off down the hill enthusiastically, dragging
B'Elanna along.


The small beach behind the house was secluded and warm, and there were
already several people splashing in the clear water. No sign of
Chakotay, though, she thought with a momentary pang of regret. The
view from the lakeshore was quite breath-taking, with a forest and
mountains in the background. Kathryn noticed a boulder rising out of
the water about fifty metres out, and decided there would probably be
an even better view from there. Tom and B'Elanna had already flopped
down on the sand to rub oil onto each other. They certainly weren't
going to miss her.

Kathryn peeled off her clothes and walked into the lake. Pleasantly
cool and refreshing, the water washed over her slender body. Her body
felt invigorated and energetic - better than it had for a long time.
Once her feet left the sandy bottom, she started swimming in earnest,
gliding efficiently through the small waves. Upon reaching the boulder
she pulled herself onto the smooth, sun-warmed surface and sat down to
relax. It was relatively low and flat, a good place to rest for a
while. Sounds of distant laughter reached her ears, and Kathryn saw
her crew enjoying themselves back on the beach. A sense of isolation
and peace crept up unexpectedly.  From this distance there was nothing
to distract her, nothing to obscure her view of the larger picture.
Sometimes she could even pretend she wasn't lonely.


"You looked like a mermaid, out on this rock", said a masculine voice
below her ear. Captain Janeway opened her eyes and jumped up in
fright. She would have fallen off her perch if it weren't for the
strong hand that grabbed her arm.

"Chakotay!" she exclaimed, "why did you sneak up on me like that?"

Her first officer was shoulder-deep in water, gripping the edge of the
boulder with an apologetic expression on his face.

"I did call out to you several times, Captain."

Kathryn looked around and realised that the sun had crept several
degrees lower since she last saw it.

"I must have fallen asleep for a bit", she admitted.

"May I join you up there, captain?"

"Of course you can. This is Tom's rock, after all."

She watched as Chakotay heaved his dripping body out of the water. She
hadn't realised he was quite so muscular beneath his uniform, and
found herself staring at his broad shoulders and tight, black swimming
briefs. He sat gracefully down beside her, tactfully leaving as much
room as possible between them.

"So, what brings you out to this lonely island, Commander?" Kathryn
looked away in case he caught her staring.

"Actually, the others sent me out here to tell you that the karaoke
competition is starting."

She groaned, and realised that crewmembers on the beach were making
their way to the log cabin.

"You can't make me go back there" she exclaimed indignantly, "I refuse
to subject anyone to my singing."

Chakotay winked at her. "Why do you think I agreed to come out here? I
don't want to join in either."

The captain sighed in relief.

"If we just stay here and talk for a while, they might forget about
us."

"Good idea. What shall we talk about?" he asked softly. Kathryn was
disconcerted to notice that he had moved slightly closer to her.

"You could tell me about those reports you wrote that I haven't had a
chance to read yet" she suggested. That should be a safe enough topic.


An hour later, the sun was nothing more than a sliver of light peeking
out between two mountains. Janeway and Chakotay were still amiably
discussing ship matters, but they were starting to feel the chill from
the rising wind. Kathryn shivered and began to wonder if perhaps
karaoke would be preferable to staying out there much longer.
Unattractive little bumps were forming on her bare legs in response to
the cold. Chakotay seemed to sense her thoughts and touched her
shoulder.

"You're getting too cold. Perhaps we should join the others inside."

Despite feeling suddenly warm where his hand had touched her, Kathryn
had to agree.

"How about a race back to shore?" she suggested playfully. "The winner
gets ten replicator rations."

Chakotay stood up and stretched languidly while she tried not to
stare.

"I accept your challenge" he replied finally. Then, without any
warning, he dived into the lake. Kathryn jumped up indignantly and
dived after him. How dare he cheat?

The water was colder and darker than it had been earlier, but not
unpleasantly so. Captain Janeway swam as hard as she could to catch up
to the shadowy figure in front. When they were no more than ten meters
from the edge of the water, she managed to grab hold of Chakotay's arm
on its downward stroke. Pulling hard, she dug her feet into the sandy
bottom and dragged him to a halt. He lifted his head, spluttering.

"Hey, that's not fair" he accused as she tried to dart past him.

He jumped forward again and tried to push his captain back by grabbing
her shoulder.

"That's not fair, either" she replied, gasping for breath.

Part of Kathryn was wondering what on earth she was doing wrestling
with her first officer in a holographic lake. But another part of her
was enjoying the game, and no one could see them in the near-darkness
anyway. Seeing that Chakotay had got ahead, she knew she only had one
more chance before he reached the shore. Surging forward, Kathryn
locked her arms around his neck and pushed him underwater with her
body. He was far too strong for however, and she was dislodged as he
rolled over. After a brief period of splashing about and confusion,
the captain found herself unable to move. The Commander had his arms
around her waist, and she was pressed tightly against his body.

"You're not going to win this one, Kathryn." Chakotay's voice was a
soft growl, his breath warm against her neck. Kathryn suddenly
realised that the situation was getting out of hand. She couldn't let
him think that it was all right to hold her so close - and she didn't
want him to know how much she was enjoying it.

"Let me go, Commander" she said softly.

Chakotay abruptly realised the game was over when she emphasized his
rank in that way. Releasing her body, the man started to apologise. He
was, therefore, totally unprepared for her sudden dash towards the
edge of the water.

"I thought you Starfleet captains were supposed to be honourable?"
Chakotay gasped, dragging himself up behind her.

Kathryn couldn't help laughing at the bedraggled man.

"You got a head start, so don't talk to me about honourable. Besides,
I'm off-duty at the moment."

"I didn't think you were ever off-duty, Kathryn."

Something about his husky voice made her pause before replying. Being
alone on a shadowy beach with the handsome man was beginning to make
her feel uncomfortable. Suddenly business-like again, she searched for
her clothes and towel.

"Where are my clothes?" she asked in frustration a few minutes later.

"I can't find mine, either" Chakotay replied, "there are only these
towelling robes."

"Maybe someone took them inside for us. Can you pass me a robe,
please?" Kathryn shook out the sand and wrapped herself in the
garment. White and fluffy, it instantly made her feel warmer.

"Captain, there is something odd going on here" whispered Chakotay,
staring up the hill at the log cabin.

"What is it.oh."

She realised that there was no sound of music or voices coming from
the building, just a yellow glow from the windows.

Chakotay ran lightly up the bank to the cabin.

"Everyone is gone, but there's a note here on the door, Kathryn"

"Well, what does it say?" she asked impatiently, following him to the
veranda.

"Ahem. Dear Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay: when we realised
you didn't want to join our noisy celebrations, we decided to take
them elsewhere and give you some peace. The Doctor says that in the
interests of your health you both need to relax more. Therefore, we
expect you to remain here and enjoy the dinner we provided. Failure to
do so with result in emotional distress for the crew."

Kathryn just stood there, an incredulous expression on her face.

"I can't believe this!" she exclaimed.

"It seems your crew are developing protective instincts, Captain." He
grinned broadly, obviously finding the situation quite amusing.

"You may think it's funny, Commander, but I'm starting to feel
undermined here."

"Relax, Kathryn. They're only doing it because they care about you."

"And you" she reminded him with a flash of irritation.

Chakotay, undeterred by Janeway's anger, held the door of the cabin
open for her.

"Shall we at least see what they provided for dinner?"

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at his tactful effort to calm her
down.

Still dripping from the lake, they stepped into the warm cabin.


The pair were amazed at the sight that greeted their eyes. The main
room was warmly decorated with polished wooden walls and soft wool
carpet. Against the opposite wall, a fireplace burned cheerfully,
providing the yellowish light that they had seen from the lake.

"That's odd. I didn't see any chimney from the outside" commented
Chakotay.

"Quiet, commander. Tom can't be expected to think of everything."

In the centre of the room was a soft, velvet covered blue couch. What
really drew their eyes, however, was the coffee table laid out with a
steaming assortment of dishes.

"Roast turkey", breathed Chakotay.

"And chocolate pudding and espresso coffee" added Janeway. "Imagine
how many replicator credits they must have spent on this."

Chakotay grinned boyishly at her. "Then we had better not waste it!"

They sat down in front of the fire and sampled a few dishes.

A flash of lightening suddenly lighted up the black sky outside, and a
loud clap of thunder rolled over the cabin a few seconds later.

"Why would Tom program in a thunderstorm?" wondered Kathryn, staring
out the window.

"Perhaps he finds them interesting. I'm going outside to get a better
look." Chakotay got up from the couch and walked over to the door. The
captain followed him and gasped when she saw the huge, angry looking
purple clouds in the distance. The trees surrounding them were now in
total darkness. A cool, moist wind tugged at their robes as rain
softly started to fall.

"I'm impressed", shouted Chakotay, trying to make him heard above the
rushing wind.

Kathryn walked out onto the grass, remembering a similar storm she had
experienced as a child. The rain pelted down harder, and she could
feel gusts pummelling her body and whipping her hair into a frenzy.
She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the downpour.

"Kathryn!" his voice came from behind her. "You can't stay out here,
you'll get soaked again."

Reluctantly she allowed herself to be led inside to the couch, and
stared into the fire while Chakotay went around closing the curtains.

"Captain? Are you alright?"

Kathryn looked up and smiled as he sat down beside her. In the
flickering firelight his skin looked almost golden, and his tattoo
seemed to shimmer. "I'm just reminiscing", she explained. "I could
really use a hairbrush, though."

Her hair was a damp, tangled mess and the disorderly nature of it
distressed her.

"Perhaps there is one in the other room." Chakotay went to have a
look, and returned a few seconds later carrying a small comb.

"May I?" He asked pointedly.

Kathryn nodded silently, and turned away so he could comb her hair.
The soft touch of his hands lulled her into a dreamy state of mind,
and she was beginning to enjoy the warm fire and pounding rain on the
roof.

"This place reminds me of New Earth", she said softly.

The Captain remembered how much she had enjoyed their brief stay on
that isolated planet. She and Chakotay had not been there long enough
to get as close as she secretly wished they could. Before she had time
to get used to not being his captain, Voyager had returned for them.
She sighed regretfully. It had hurt her to have to distance herself
from him again. She thought about her earlier conversation with
Neelix. The jovial Talaxian had said that everybody knew Chakotay had
feelings for her. Were they right? She tried not to think about such
matters, but couldn't help wondering how deeply his feelings really
went. If the rumours were true, then she would have to be even more
careful around her first officer.

"Your hair is so beautiful", Chakotay whispered.

Brought back to the present with a jolt, Kathryn realised that he had
finished tidying her hair and was now stroking it sensuously.

"Commander." she said warningly.

He smiled sadly and pulled his hands away.

"I know, I know. That's not professional behaviour."

He knew her so well. Her never pushed her beyond obvious limits, but
enough to show that he wanted more than a professional relationship.
How much more did he want? If only he knew how much it hurt her to
keep him at arms length. She stared at the fire again, still very much
aware of his masculine presence at her side. Sometimes she wished he
would just force his attentions upon her and spare her the agony of
responsibility. But he would never undermine her authority like that.
Perhaps she should just forget about regulations and throw herself at
him? She couldn't help smiling at the thought of how shocked her first
officer would be. He would probably send  her for a medical check-up!

"Shall we try some of this champagne, Captain?" Chakotay asked,
careful to emphasize her rank. He had picked up a bottle from the
table and was preparing to open it.

"Why not? I think we deserve a treat after putting up with such a
unruly crew."

She got herself a glass and held it out for him to fill.


Half an hour later they were sitting back on the couch, shoulders
almost touching. The champagne bottle was now only two-thirds full,
and Kathryn was beginning to feel pleasantly light-headed. She decided
it would be safer not to drink anymore, however. She was all too aware
of her sub-conscious physical attraction for her first officer. It
would a bad idea to let alcohol sap away her willpower.

"Captain, do you get the feeling this was all pre-planned?" he asked
her suddenly.

"You mean the party?"

"No, I mean the fact that we would end up here. Alone together."

Kathryn blushed at his insinuation, realising he might be right.

"Yes, it is rather suspicious that they persuaded us to come to a
party when they knew we wouldn't like the planned activities."

"And that they managed to get everyone else to leave."

"I'll bet you anything that Paris and Neelix are behind this", she
said in exasperation, "but why would they do it?"

"Perhaps.they are trying to tell us something", he said carefully,
obviously unsure of her reaction.

Kathryn stared at him for a few moments, her attention drawn by the
cute way he pursed his lips when worried.

"Tell us what, that we need to relax more? I've heard that a hundred
times from the doctor already."

Chakotay moved closer, his face once more displaying the usual
half-smile. "I think you know what I meant."

Captain Janeway felt trapped by the course their conversation was
taking. Should she admit she knew what he was talking about, and be
forced to openly debate the issue? Or should she just pretend
ignorance and try to change the topic? In the end, Chakotay solved her
dilemma. He suddenly leaned over and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked huskily.

Kathryn's mind was reeling from his touch and warm, spicy scent. A
wealth of repressed desires flooded her mind, overwhelming her with
memories of intimacy. Gods, it was so difficult being a captain and
having to maintain a respectable distance from her crew. Her heart
hammering, she searched for a way to extricate herself from this
perilous situation. Chakotay just sat there, a sad smile on his face.
It was clear he knew she was about to reject him again.

"Chakotay, you know that I can't get involved with you."

"Why not? I know that you feel something for me. Otherwise you would
not be sitting there blushing. You would have tossed me in the brig by
now."

Something in the man seemed to snap as he said that. The Commander
rolled over in one fluid motion and grabbed his captain's arms,
pinning her to the couch. Kathryn was almost frightened by his
predatory gaze as he searched her face for any hint of desire.

"Commander. I am ordering you to move, now" she said in a steely voice
that concealed all traces of her rising excitement.

He just shook his head defiantly, his deep brown eyes just inches from
her own.

"Not until you give me a good reason why I should not kiss you again."

Kathryn thought about saying that she didn't want to be kissed by him,
but that was obviously untrue. Her body was aching with the desire to
be held in such a warm, forbidden embrace. So she stuck with the tried
and tested argument.

"Starfleet regulations prohibit this kind of relationship."

"You will have to do better than that. You have, in the past, ignored
regulations which you believed did not apply to Voyager's situation."
She bit her lip in frustration, knowing that the man had a valid
point. She knew she could easily call security to arrest her first
officer for harassment, but something inside her wanted to make him
understand why she felt this way. After all, it would not be good for
crew morale to have him punished.

"But this regulation does apply to our situation. It has good reasons
for existing."

"Explain those reasons then."

"As a Captain, I need to remain impartial and clear-headed enough to
act in the best interests of the ship" she explained confidently. "If
someone I loved was in danger, then I could jeopardise the lives of
the entire crew trying to save him."

Chakotay suddenly tightened his grip and moved even closer, until his
cherubic lips were brushing her cheek. Kathryn closed her eyes and
almost groaned in anticipation. Her weak arguments seemed to be trying
his patience.

"You forget, Kathryn, how well I know you. You would risk the entire
ship to save any member of your crew, and have already done so many
times. Admitting your love for me would make no difference" His voice
was a gentle purr in her ear.

"That is irrelevant", she countered, using one of Seven's pet phrases.
"The most important thing is that my crew has faith in my ability to
lead. They need to believe my decisions won't be influenced by
personal feelings."

Chakotay looked up and grinned in delight.

"If that is your final argument, then I have already won. There were
already rumours circulating the ship about our supposed affair.
Considering how long we've already spent in here, no-one is going to
believe that there is nothing going on."

He started stroking her arm, watching the play of emotions across her
face.

Kathryn sat there rigidly. She knew she had lost the argument, but
still could not bring herself to give in to him. She shuddered
inwardly. Opening up to Chakotay would be like jumping into a chasm.
She knew it would mean giving up control, with no idea what would be
at the bottom. Why couldn't he just have left her alone with her
fantasies?

"There is no need to be afraid, Kathryn. Listen to what your animal
guide is trying to tell say. Your spirit can't find balance until you
confront your emotions."

He traced a line down her cheek with one hand, and was startled by the
sudden expression of anger that twisted her face.

"You assume to much, Commander!" she hissed. Grabbing Chakotay by his
collar she pushed his muscular body away with newfound strength. The
dismayed man didn't try to stop her this time, knowing he had gone too
far.

"I.I am so sorry, Captain"

She ignored him and ran out the door, her face a grim mask of
determination.

---

Kathryn strode down the ship's corridors in her towelling robe,
thankful that there were no crewmembers about. She knew she must be a
frightening sight. How DARE her first officer presume to tell her how
she felt? And even worse, why did he have to be so right? She arrived
outside her personal quarters and punched the code to her door with
such force that she was sure the computer would squeak in protest. It
was silent, however. Her physical abuse was probably nothing compared
to that of B'Elanna on a bad day. The door slid open and she
thankfully stepped into her last place of refuge.

Despite herself, she couldn't help feeling calmed by the cool,
uncluttered décor. She stepped over to the view-port and watched stars
streaking by against a lonely background of darkness. Space had never
seemed so empty before. Her anger dissipated to be replaced by
feelings of desolation. She had always been fascinated with exploring
the galaxy, but now the vast expanses were nothing more than a barrier
separating her from home. Chakotay knew how lonely she was out here,
70,000 light years from Earth. But he just didn't seem to realise that
she could cope with it on her own. Even as a child, Kathryn had been
stubbornly independent. She would be all right. There was no need to
complicate matters with an affair.especially when it had the potential
to break the ship apart if things went wrong.

---

Harry, Tom, and B'Elanna crouched around a table in the mess hall
early the next morning, whispering furtively in case the captain
should happen to come in.

"They spent over three hours alone in there. Surely something must
have happened between them!" the helmsman insisted.

"Don't be sure", B'Elanna argued, "The sensor logs show that they left
separately."

The look of disappointment was obvious on Harry's face.

"I think you're right Torres. I saw the commander this morning, and he
wasn't looking very happy."

"Damn it!" Paris swore suddenly. "What is it going to take to get
those two idiots together?"

"Tom!" B'Elanna admonished him, although she was clearly amused by his
outburst.

"Perhaps we should just wait a while", suggested Harry seriously. "We
may be in enough trouble as it is. What do you want to bet we all get
called into her office sometime today?"

---

"Computer, what is the time?"

"The time is 0100 hours" the feminine voice chimed obligingly.

Kathryn sighed wearily. Trying for hours to fall asleep, she couldn't
stop thinking the events of the day. The captain had been unable to
avoid her first officer for long, as was to be expected. She had
averted her gaze and tried to pretend the incident the night before
had never happened. Chakotay had taken the hint and didn't bring up
the matter at all, but she had seen his hurt expression. It didn't
help matters that he had kept gazing at her surreptitiously all day
with that lost-puppy expression. It was all his fault, after all! Why
did he have to make her feel so bad? She had also been the target of
many a curious stare by other crewmembers, who were obviously
wondering if their plan had worked. She had made a point of thanking
her senior officers for the gourmet meal. Of course she made no
reference to their attempts at matchmaking. Such an admission would
only fuel the rumours.

Kathryn finally gave up on trying to sleep and started pacing the room
restlessly. As much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to have
second thoughts about her decision to ignore Chakotay's feelings for
her.

How could she possibly ignore the man when his soulful eyes kept
boring into her back? And the memories the mere sight of him evoked
were distracting to say the least. His warm, powerful body crushing
her own, the firelight highlighting the silver streaks in his hair.

"Stop doing this to me!" she yelled suddenly, slamming her first into
an innocent pillow.


Five minutes later Kathryn found herself standing uncertainly outside
her chief security officer's quarters. She had felt a pressing need to
talk to someone, and Tuvok was the logical choice. Her friend and
mentor for years, he was the only person on Voyager who could be
relied upon to be both impartial and discreet. Hoping the Vulcan would
not already be asleep; she pressed the door buzzer and waited.

"Captain. Is there a problem?" Tuvok asked when he appeared at the
door. A raised eyebrow the only sign of surprise he showed at seeing
her in a nightgown. Kathryn was relieved that the man was still
wearing his uniform - she obviously hadn't woken him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Tuvok. I just wanted to talk
with you."

"Certainly, Captain. Please come in and sit down."

Kathryn followed him inside and noticed a crystalline structure on his
coffee table. Perhaps a few hours playing with Vulcan puzzles would
help her regain some composure, she thought wistfully. Tuvok sat down
on a chair opposite his captain and concentrated on her conflicted
face.

"You want to talk about Commander Chakotay", he stated, already
knowing the answer.

"Yes, I do.how did you know?"

"I saw the tension between you today. Obviously something happened
last night."

Captain Janeway found it reassuring to hear him talking about it so
unemotionally. At least he would never try to play cupid for her. If
only he could have been there to save her!

"Tuvok, did you know anything about the crew's match-making plans last
night?"

The Vulcan suddenly slightly ashamed, if that was possible.

"No, I didn't. Neelix kept pestering me to try his strange recipes at
the party, so I left early. I should have realised they were up to
something" he apologised.

Kathryn sighed and went back to staring at the structure on his table.
It had the appearance of an intricate three-dimensional polygon. The
puzzle was nearly completed, but there was a small hole in one side. A
gap that Tuvok obviously hadn't been able to find the right piece to
fill.

"Commander Chakotay told you of his feelings" the Tuvok prompted her.

She looked up at him, slightly annoyed at his ability to read her so
well. Why was she cursed to be so transparent to her senior officers?

"Yes. Although it seems like everybody else knew about his feelings
before I did."

"His attraction to you was obvious to anyone not afraid to look."

Kathryn resented being told she was afraid.

"I see," she said a little frostily.

"And you are unsure how to respond to him?"

"Yes."

Tuvok considered this for a while, as Kathryn shifted restlessly. One
thing she disliked about Vulcans was that they never felt the need to
hurry. Which was probably why they made very few mistakes.

"Do you reciprocate these feelings?" he asked finally.

"I do, yes." That was the heart of the problem.

"Captain, if you were a Vulcan I would suggest that you just suppress
your emotions."

"But I am not a Vulcan" she said sadly.

"No, you are not" he agreed. "One thing I've noticed about you humans
is that you can't suppress your emotions deep enough for them to lose
effect."

"What do you suggest I do then?"

"It seems to me, Captain, that the only logical thing you can do is
admit your love for Chakotay."

Kathryn stared at him in surprise. She never thought Tuvok would
suggest she become MORE emotionally involved.

"Don't you think such a relationship could diminish my ability to
lead?"

"No, quite the opposite. Commander Chakotay is a wise, very capable
man. He will provide a slightly different perspective to your
decisions as he has always done. The emotional balance he offers you
could quite possibly be beneficial in times of stress."

"So you think it would be a good thing?"

"Yes I do. Don't forget that I will still be here to advise you, too.
Whether you want me to or not."

A faint smile flickered across his face. Although she had been
expecting somewhat different advice, Kathryn was overjoyed to have
finally found a resolution. How could she resist the arguments of both
of her senior-most officers?

"Tuvok, thank you for being here for me."

She had the sudden urge to fling her arms around the impassive man and
hug him, but managed to restrain herself. Vulcans did not like
excessive displays of emotion. Instead she reached out and touched his
arm, letting him a telepathically sense her gratitude.

"Any time, Captain."


Walking back to her quarters, Kathryn couldn't help feeling like a
teenager again. There was the excitement and anticipation of new
romance, but also acute nervousness. What if her anger had caused
irreparable damage last night? Would Chakotay accuse her of being
hypocritical if she suddenly reversed course and flung herself at him?
There was only one way to find out, she decided.

"Computer, where is Chakotay?"

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters" it replied.

Kathryn paused thoughtfully. It was rather late to be visiting his
private quarters, but she had the feeling he wouldn't be finding it
any easier to sleep than she had. Besides, now that she had finally
decided what to do about him, she couldn't bear to wait till morning.
Especially when he was just a few metres away..

She pressed the button beside his quarters and, for the second time
that night, waited for someone to come to door. Except this time she
felt far more vulnerable. Her bare toes gripped the carpet in an
effort to stop her knees from trembling. She had faced the Borg
collective and felt less fear than this!

The door opened and her first officer stared out of the dimly lit room
in surprise.

"Captain. Is there a problem?" he asked hesitantly.

Kathryn resisted the urge to laugh at the way he had repeated Tuvok's
words. At least Chakotay was wearing casual trousers and a sweater,
rather than his uniform.

"There is no emergency, Chakotay. I just wanted to talk with you - if
this isn't an inconvenient time."

The man had a bemused, slightly worried expression on his face as he
ushered her inside. He too, was probably wondering why she was
wandering around in her sleeping-attire.

"Chakotay, I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last night", she
told him when the door was safely closed. An intense look of shame was
obvious in his expressive face.

"No, captain, I should be the one apologising. I should never have
suggested we let our relationship get personal, and I certainly
shouldn't have argued with you about it. And I shouldn't have violated
your personal space like that."

"Commander, I forgive you" she interrupted before he could beat
himself even more about it.

"You do?" His tentative smile was all the encouragement Kathryn
needed.

"Yes, on one condition."

"What condition is that?"

"You have to promise you won't hesitate to argue with me again," she
said coyly, enjoying the confused expression on his face.

"You want me to argue?"

She closed the distance between them and touched his cheek gently.

"Yes. Because some times you can be very right," she said softly.

Before Chakotay had a chance to reply, Kathryn pulled his head down
and kissed him passionately on the mouth. His arms, initially frozen
in amazement, soon came to life and wrapped themselves around her
shoulders as she melted into his warm body. Breathless, her first
officer eventually pulled his head away to look at her in wonder.

"Does this mean you have changed your mind, Kathryn?"

"It certainly looks like it" she replied.

"If I may say so, Captain, you are a very cruel woman. Do you have any
idea what you put me through?"

Though his tone was light-hearted, Kathryn knew Chakotay was speaking
straight from the heart. It was true, she had been hurting him for a
long time by refusing to see what he offered.

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay." She leaned her head against his shoulder and
felt tears start to gather in the corners of her eyes.

"Never mind that," he said huskily. "Let's make the most of what we
have now."

The man pulled her even closer and bent down for another kiss. As
their lips met again, Kathryn felt herself drift into state of
heightened awareness in which everything felt surreal. Chakotay's
mouth hungrily kissed her while his hands started roaming her body,
creating trails of fire wherever they touched. She breathed in the
unique, spicy smell of his body, remembering how it had helped awaken
her desires last night in the cabin. She found herself moaning in
delight as his hands found their way inside her robe and pressed hotly
against the thin cotton of her nightshirt. He held her body so close
that she could the stirrings of desire in his loins.

"Shall we take this into the bedroom?" he growled softly in her ear.

Kathryn had barely nodded when he swept her up into his arms and
carried her through the doorway. She felt uncomfortable at having to
give up so much control, but was secretly delighted at the strength of
his passion. If he wanted to ravish her body until she melted into a
helpless puddle on the floor, that was fine by her.

Chakotay laid his captain down softly on his bed, and proceeded to
remove her clothes, covering each newly revealed patch of skin with
kisses. Kathryn just lay there and enjoyed the sensations he created.
Everything seemed to fade from her mind except for the feel of his
mouth and hands caressing her body. The ship could have crashed into a
passing star, and she would never have noticed.or cared.

"You are so beautiful, Kathryn" she heard him say. Her first officer's
face was almost frightening in the intensity of his long-suppressed
desire. If she had ever doubted he possessed the soul of a warrior,
she didn't now.

"Chakotay" she whispered, making it sound like a request.

"What? You don't want me to stop, do you?" His hand trailed down her
neck and massaged the smooth skin of her breast. Kathryn managed a
weak smile.

"I think you would be more comfortable out of those clothes," she
suggested playfully.

He quickly complied, and she silently admired his muscular body as it
was revealed to her again. Except this time there was a slight
difference.

Although the commander had been wearing tight swimming briefs at the
beach, they hadn't really done his body justice. He was so large!
Kathryn felt her lower abdomen quiver in anticipation, and reached out
to caress her lover's body. Chakotay wasn't going to waste anymore
time, however. He grabbed her arms in a vice-like grip and pinned her
to the bed, gasping as their naked bodies touched. Stealing another
hungry kiss, he forced her legs apart and pushed himself slowly,
inexorably into her. Kathryn had been about to object to the way he
was taking control, but suddenly realised she enjoyed it. Who would
have known that her calm, gentle officer would be so passionate in
bed? She was tired of being responsible for making all the decisions
on Voyager.why not let him take charge for a while? After a few more
thrusts from Chakotay, Captain Janeway was beyond all ability to
think. There would be plenty of time later to try taking it slow...


Kathryn awoke several hours later still in Chakotay's arms. Despite
getting little sleep, she felt more relaxed and refreshed than she had
in a very long time.

"Awake at last, I see" came a masculine voice from behind.

She rolled over to face him, and was pleased to see his relaxed,
contented smile.

"Yes, just in time to get ready for another shift on the bridge, I'll
wager."

Chakotay reached out a hand to lovingly push her hair out of the way.
"You don't need to worry about that, Kathryn", he said mischievously.
"I contacted Tuvok and got us both the day off."

"You did what?" she exclaimed indignantly. "What will people think
when we are both absent from our posts?"

"I'm guessing they will think we are taking some time off together. Is
that really so bad?"

"No, I suppose they would have found out eventually" she relented.

"Good, because I was hoping we could spend some quality time together
today."

Kathryn smiled as she felt his body press suggestively against hers.
No more words were needed.

---

Tom Paris couldn't resist whooping in delight when he heard the news.

"Sensor logs show they haven't left his quarters all day!" he
exclaimed, hugging B'Elanna. He would have hugged Harry too, if the
young ensign hadn't deftly slipped out of the way.

"I fail to see why this is cause for celebration" said Seven of Nine
in a bemused voice.

"We're just glad the Janeway and Chakotay have found the happiness
they deserve," explained Harry.

"Although I'm not sure why Paris here thinks it's all because of him."

The blonde pilot managed to look slightly offended.

"It was my holo-program that started the whole thing!" he protested.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and grabbed her lover's arm.

"Come on then, you master programmer. Let's go see if it has the same
effect on us."

Tom looked slightly flustered as she dragged him away, leaving Harry
and Seven sitting alone in the mess hall. The beautiful Borg woman
watched Harry with a curious expression on her face.

"Does being in love always make people this happy?" she asked him.

"Well, not always" he admitted, feeling his body temperature rise in
her presence as it always did. "But the good feelings definitely
outweigh the bad."

She considered this information carefully, her gaze locked on the
young man's face.

"That is acceptable", she said smiled eventually.

"So I will see you again tonight?" Harry asked. He tried not to let
his nervousness show, but being an ex-Borg; Seven could probably still
see it anyway.

"You most definitely will, Ensign Kim. I wouldn't want to miss a
single lesson."

--

The End