The BLTS Archive - Uncertain Hour seventh in the Of Love & Logic series by Yvette (yvette@ecn.net.au) --- Harry Kim was in heaven. On his back, his legs over Tuvok's shoulders, he was being thoroughly fucked and was moaning with each hard thrust. The Vulcan changed rhythm once again, this time short, fast strokes as he nuzzled at Harry's ankle. This was the second time for both of them that evening, and Tuvok knew he could continue for some time yet. Harry was hard and leaking copiously, but with his hands tied above his head to the specially made bed rail, it was impossible for him to give his throbbing cock the relief it desperately craved. Tuvok massaged his ankles, sucked on his toes and rubbed his calves while fucking him, but refused to give him any stimulation above the knees. Whenever Harry came close to orgasm, Tuvok would send a mental image designed to bring him back to earth again. Knowing Harry's distaste for group scenes, Tuvok would drop an image of himself fucking Harry on the bridge, in front of the bridge crew. Though one would never know it from his impassive facade, Tuvok himself found the images very amusing, which enabled him to control his own climax. Harry had passed the moaning stage and had begun begging as Tuvok changed the rhythm once again, this time to long, slow strokes. Harry groaned with sheer frustration and curled his feet around the back of Tuvok's head, trying somehow to pull his lover into his body in the tempo he needed to come. "C'mon, Tuvok, faster, please!" The last word rose in volume as Tuvok condescended to stroke Harry's throbbing cock a few times and Harry strained towards climax again. The Vulcan wasn't through teasing yet, though, and sent a powerfully real image of Harry sucking Tuvok off - in the engineering section. "God, Tuvok - you are *so* fucked up!" Harry groaned, getting turned on by that image despite himself. Tuvok had no trouble reading Harry's climbing arousal and went with the image, changing it to Harry bent over the Con station, totally naked and begging as he was now, for Tuvok to fuck him, as Tom Paris, the Captain and Chakotay looked on. Tuvok took Harry's cock in hand once more, as his strokes became more powerful. With that image still in both their minds, Harry came explosively, screaming "YES!" and Tuvok followed him seconds after Harry's ass had gripped his cock tightly and drawn the climax from him. Harry concentrated on calming his breathing and heartrate down, just as Tuvok had taught him. He smiled as the memory of the last image came to his mind, along with the knowledge that they had *both* climaxed to it. Exhaustion overwhelmed him, and Harry barely noticed Tuvok releasing the bonds that held his wrists, and wiping him down with a warm washcloth as he drifted off to sleep. His last conscious feeling was one of immense love as he was curled up in Tuvok's arms. He felt blessed with good fortune. ---------- It was rare that Harry and Tuvok lunched together, but their schedules on the following day allowed it, and the lovers practiced their mental communication during the meal. They were called back to the bridge early, Harry snatching a quick kiss in the turbolift before the two men became the perfect Starfleet officers once again. Voyager was entering what looked to be an enormous debris field, and the Captain wanted all hands on deck. The field seemed to stretch on forever, making a detour too time-consuming to consider. Voyager had yet to completely analyse the debris, but with shields at full strength, it wouldn't take more than a few hours at Warp 1 to traverse the area. Harry began disseminating the information collected on the debris, searching as always for alternative power sources, or minerals that Voyager could use. Suddenly a burst of phaser fire rocked the ship, throwing the Captain and Chakotay from their seats. The effect of the fire on Voyager was devastating. As the Captain called 'Red Alert!' the firepower cut through Voyager's shields effortlessly, and the first burst caused a minor hull breach. The debris field that hadn't been a problem when Voyager had full shields was now a death trap. "Full shields!" Chakotay yelled, as primary systems began to fluctuate and go off-line. "Shields are down to 34% and falling," was the shout from B'Elanna in engineering, as the Captain interrupted her with, "Report!" Tuvok's measured tones spelt out the damage clearly. "The warp coils are fused and are temporarily inoperable. Primary systems are off line and we are running on emergency power only. Phasers are offline. Sensors are unable to locate any lifesigns within the debris field." When Tuvok took a breath, Harry jumped in with, "Injuries on Decks 8, 22 and 26. Environmental control systems are failing and there is a hull breach on deck 11." The Captain regained her seat and began scanning the reports from her monitor as the ship continued to be battered by the debris from the field outside. "Mr. Paris - best speed you can make out of the debris field. Tuvok - you'll have to rotate the shields manually to avoid the largest debris chunks." From Engineering came a more critical report. B'Elanna's voice sounded stressed as she reported, "Captain, shields are down to 26% and falling, and I can't get them back online until the hull breach on deck 11 is sealed. Carey's on his way to get it fixed." The Captain looked up at Harry and nodded once. The Ensign immediately left the bridge and headed for deck 11 to assist Carey in setting up a portable containment field so that the hull breach could be fixed. B'Elanna's voice came over the Engineering com again. "Captain, I can probably give us a burst of Warp 2 for a few minutes, which should be enough time to get out of the field." Chakotay was reading the reports from his own monitor. "Shield status is down to 18%, Captain. If we hit any of those debris chunks while we're at warp, we'll be torn to pieces." The Captain stood, with hands on hips as she worked at the problem. "Tuvok, any sign of our attackers?" The Vulcan shook his head, as the ship was hit once again. "Negative, Captain." "Mr. Paris, could you get us out of the field without hitting any of those debris chunks?" Tom's console sparked as the ship dipped again. The Captain was thrown across the bridge and Tom quickly glanced down to check that she was okay. As she got to her feet, he reported, "Not a chance, Captain. Voyager's too big to fit between them." "Mr. Kim, status on that hull breach." From deck 11, Harry yelled above the roar of a hull breach less than two meters from his and Carey's position. "A few more minutes and we'll have it, Captain." Carey was down below him, actually within the Jefferies tube closest to the breach, working to get the containment field operational. Harry was busy working on the main power relays several feet above the hatch, trying to get enough power re-routed to the panels where Carey was working. On the bridge, Chakotay looked up from the monitor he had been studying. "Captain, if we could magnetize the hull, it would deflect the larger chunks long enough for us to get out." The Captain nodded decisively. "Do it. Mr. Kim - Chakotay is working on magnetizing the hull. We'll need to get that hatch closed to do it. How close are you?" His answer was never heard, as another burst hit the ship and Captain Janeway was thrown across the bridge. She lay unconscious and bleeding until a medical crew could get to her. Tom was hit by flying sparks from the helm controls while he tried desperately to steer Voyager to clear space. "Commander, several large chunks of debris are showing ahead of us on the scanners. Even at impulse power, the shields will not be able to cope". Tuvok's voice was calm as always as he delivered this frightening news. Chakotay's fingers flew across the keys of his monitor, as he entered the final codes into the computer. Magnetization of the hull was now a possibility. "Mr. Kim, Mr. Carey - I need that hatch closed, *now*." Magnetizing the hull with a hatch open would cause an implosion which would destroy the ship. On Deck 11, another burst rocked the ship as Carey yelled to Harry above the roar of a hull breach that was less than metres away, "I can *do* this! Just give me ten more seconds!" Harry yelled above the roar of exploding debris and plasma fires that had broken out. "No! Chakotay is going to magnetize the hull - we have to get out now!" Carey continued to work frantically, "Just give me ten more seconds!" On the bridge, Tuvok reported larger debris ahead. There was no way the crippled shields could cope with that. Chakotay had to magnetize the hull, *now*, or Voyager would be torn apart. "Chakotay to Kim. I need that hatch closed *NOW*!! That's an order, Mr. Kim!" Harry yelled down at Carey again, almost sobbing with fear and frustration. "CAREY!! I *HAVE* TO CLOSE THE HATCH!! COME ON!! PLEASE!!" Desperate he held out a hand to Carey, who ignored him. The bridge crew watched in horror as several giant masses of debris headed towards Voyager. "ENSIGN KIM! I'M MAGNETISING THE HULL *RIGHT NOW*! IF YOU DON'T GET THAT HATCH CLOSED, WE'LL ALL DIE!" Chakotay roared, furious. Harry called out to Carey one last time, desperate. "CAREY!! I'M CLOSING THE HATCH!! **PLEASE**!!!" Carey glanced up, only two more switches to hit before the hull breach could be sealed. There was an unmistakable hum throughout the ship as the warp nacelles powered up to magnetize the hull. Too late, both men realised that Carey was never going to make it. Incredibly though, the engineer made one desperate lunge towards the hatch, just as a horrified Harry Kim slammed it shut. In the last micro second before the hatch closed, Harry could see the hull breach smash through the area below the Jefferies tube and Carey's body being pulled out into space. ---------- After the Captain had been tended to in Sickbay, her first order of business had been to search out Harry Kim. Repairs were well underway on the Ship, and Tuvok had prepared an extensive report on the automated firing systems hidden in some of the larger debris chunks that had been activated when Voyager had entered the field. There was no enemy - not a living one, anyway. The automated systems had been lying in wait for over a thousand years, by Tuvok's calculation, left by a race of people who no longer existed. Harry had been waiting for over two hours in the empty Mess Hall when the Captain came to see him. Tom had been in to see him, to try and help. Chakotay had even dropped in to tell Harry it wasn't his fault. He ignored them both, knowing full well what the Captain would think of him. It was with amazement, then, that he listened to her trying to comfort him. Carey was dead, and Captain Janeway wanted to know if *he* was okay. "I'm fine, Captain." /I killed a man today, but I'm doing just fine. Breathing, talking, walking - just one fine Starfleet machine/. The Captain continued to look concerned. "Harry - what happened was not your fault. Carey should have come when Chakotay first ordered the hatch sealed." Harry replied tonelessly, not meeting her eyes. "Carey couldn't hear Chakotay's order over the noise. I had to yell down to him to get out." "And Mr. Carey ignored your warnings." A wave of pure self-hatred coursed through Harry's body at her words. "If it had been B'Elanna, or Tom, or Tuvok or *anyone* but me, Carey would have listened. He didn't think I knew what I was talking about, and he died because of it." The Captain's face remained impassive, but inwardly she grew steadily more concerned at Harry's attitude. "Ensign Kim - Mr Carey was a Starfleet Officer. He made a mistake when he thought he had time to repair the hull breach and get out. It was not your fault." "Yes, Captain." It wasn't the obvious fact that Harry didn't believe a word she was saying that concerned the Captain most. It was the very faint strain of insolence in his tone that only years of command picked up on. For a split second she almost gave in to her impulse to flay him verbally. But his very youth, and her own memories of Harry's early days on Voyager - being forced into such a position of responsibility so far away from home - made her change her mind. She lay one hand on his arm, and spoke gently. "I know you're hurting, Mr Kim, and I know you blame yourself. The fact is, your actions saved the lives of the rest of the crew. You did everything right. We're all sorry Mr Carey is dead, but I'm just glad that I'm not performing two funerals instead of one." As she left the Mess Hall, Harry Kim stayed behind for a very long time, staring blankly out of the observation windows. In the midst of his misery and self-loathing, a deep bitterness rose throughout his entire being. In that moment he understood the surge of angry superiority that flowed through his veins. They didn't know - they didn't understand and they wanted to sweep the whole thing under the carpet and pretend it never happened. Leave him on the bridge - inexperienced, incompetent - until he killed someone else. He hated them. ---------- The week following Carey's Memorial Service saw Harry Kim become steadily angrier and more distant from his friends and his lover. He had taken to avoiding Tom and B'Elanna, and he was vicious with Tuvok. Harry felt some small measure of satisfaction at playing at the perfect Ensign whilst on the bridge. A bland expression remained on his face throughout. And the rage would build inside him, ready to explode when his shift finished. It was like he was watching from outside of himself, as Tuvok tried to reach him. The Vulcan was being *so* understanding, stoically taking all the verbal abuse Harry was heaping on him. He couldn't understand. Couldn't know what it was like to watch a man die in front of your eyes and know that you'd killed him. The entire crew seemed to have forgotten that Carey existed. After the service, it seemed as though no-one mentioned his name anymore. And it wasn't that they were avoiding the subject - more that he'd never even existed. And the rage inside him grew. Rage because everyone was trying so hard to make him feel better. B'Elanna - probably Carey's best friend on the ship, had come to see him to make sure he was okay. To make sure that he knew he wasn't to blame, that he'd saved the ship by closing the hatch in time. He hated her. He couldn't even stand to look at Tom. Tom, who spent every night *fucking* the man whose fault this really was. Chakotay could have given the order any time. He could have warned Harry about the possibility of magnetizing the hull before he'd even left for Deck 11. Instead he waited until the last possible moment, and then dumped the whole mess in Harry's lap. Harry hated Chakotay so much he could hardly breathe through his rage. But that wasn't anything compared to the disgust he felt for himself. It didn't matter what anyone said, Harry Kim knew full well that he could have gotten Carey out of there. Could have gone down and bodily hauled him out of there. Could have thumped him on the head or sworn at him - either act would have shocked Carey enough to realise the peril in which he stood. No, Harry Kim had followed orders. Said the right thing and done the right thing and now Carey was dead and everyone thought that Ensign Kim was just a tragic fucking hero. He wanted to be punished for killing a crewmember through his stupidity and his arrogance and he wanted desperately to vent this madness that grew inside him like a cancer. He didn't deserve a lover like Tuvok. He didn't *want* a lover like Tuvok. Someone so perfect they never made a mistake. Someone who never had to deal with the knowledge that their inadequacies had cost a life. He wanted to hurt someone. Preferably himself. ---------- Tuvok was so completely at a loss to know what to do he was considering options he would never before have considered. Harry had cut himself off completely from their bond - he was a bitter, sarcastic version of his former self, lashing out at every opportunity when Tuvok tried to communicate with him. Nothing worked. Tuvok had tried logic, he'd tried gentleness, understanding. Harry looked through him like he didn't exist. The First Officer agreed with Tuvok's assessment of Harry's mental state - terming it as 'being in a dark place'. Tuvok cared little about the words used, he just needed to know how to get Harry out of there. Chakotay suggested moving him off the bridge, but both men were unsure of the effect that would have on Harry's already fragile mental state. While on duty, the Ensign gave the impression of someone fully in control. He was thorough and efficient. But he didn't eat in the Mess Hall anymore, and there was a hardness in his eyes that had never been there before. Tom had tried several times to reach him, but Harry had been progressively ruder with each attempt. The Captain noticed the change in Harry at once, and had also considered taking him off the bridge. Instead, she had ordered him into counselling with the Doctor, who was bound by doctor/patient confidentiality. And aside from reporting that Mr. Kim seemed perfectly able to fulfill his bridge duties, the Doctor had been singularly unforthcoming about Harry's condition. Since the night of Carey's death, Harry had slept on the couch in his and Tuvok's quarters. He and Tuvok didn't make love. Neither did they communicate mentally, or kiss, or touch, or do any of the things they used to. Any attempt to speak to him was met with vicious sarcasm, and when Tuvok tried to force the issue, Harry had threatened to move his things out completely. So Tuvok backed off and worried about his lover from a distance. When Harry had spent the second night on the couch, Tuvok had offered to take his place and allow Harry to sleep in the main bed. Harry had told him not to be such a martyr. The time they had been together had given Harry a more powerful tool than he realised. His shields had improved immensely, particularly in the time after Tuvok had gone through the Pon farr - and he was able to block Tuvok out of his mind. Tuvok could feel the rage and the pain, even through the enormous shields Harry was putting up - but he couldn't get through to his bond-mate. Couldn't show him how to share this pain, how they could work through it together. In frustration, Tuvok had tried breaching the walls himself. His mental strength and control were still far superior to anything Harry could ever compete with, so it wasn't difficult to breach the shields when he really made an effort. The intense wave of fury from his lover had overwhelmed him briefly and then he was half-lying on the floor, nursing an aching jaw and a sore head where he'd hit the wall with the force of Harry's blow, and staring blankly at the empty space where his lover had stood only moments ago. ---------- That night Harry didn't come home at all. Tuvok sat up waiting for him, knowing where he was, knowing what he was doing, and powerless to stop him. What made it even worse was that Harry made no attempt to shield Tuvok through their link. Tuvok could have shut him out mentally, but he had once promised Harry that he would never do that again. And he would not. Instead, he spent the night in their quarters, a silent partner to his own rape as his bond-mate fucked another man, and allowed another man to fuck him. There was no pleasure in this act for his lover, it was pain that Harry wanted. It is a fallacy that Vulcans have no feelings. Vulcans feel far more deeply than humans could imagine. It was the intensity, the violence of their emotions, that had forced the separation of Vulcan and Romulan cultures so many eons ago. Vulcans learnt to suppress their emotions, to deal with them in a logical manner. Emotions such as fear and sexual arousal are easy to deal with. Adrenaline, pheromones, hormones, the release of these can be analyzed and, with practice, controlled. It is emotional pain that cannot be explained away by science. Vulcans learn to maintain a stoic facade through the most trying of times, but Tuvok had never encountered heartache such as this. Grieving for Harry, for himself, for them. When Harry limped into their quarters at dawn, Tuvok met his defiant gaze silently. He stood, and retrieved the regenerator from its socket in the wall, and followed Harry into the bathroom. The Ensign didn't speak to Tuvok, or look at him as he stripped and stepped into the shower. As the water cascaded over Harry's body, Tuvok got a good look at the scratches and bruises that covered him. Finally, Harry turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He stood, silently, as Tuvok methodically treated the abrasions and bruising on his battered body. Waited patiently as Tuvok re-programmed the regenerator to deal with the tearing inside his anus. Then he picked up a towel and began to dry himself. Still without acknowledging Tuvok, Harry walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, donned a fresh uniform, and left. ---------- Henry Challis was a great giant of a man - tall, blonde and heavily muscled - who had, over time, earned the sobriquet "the gentle giant". A very quiet man, the ex-Maquis generally kept to himself. His below-average intelligence had meant that joining Starfleet or any similar organisation was out of the question. But the Maquis had been less choosy, and a man with Henry's incredible strength, staunch loyalty and blind obedience came in handy. The Captain had found it difficult to find enough work for a man of Challis' limited capabilities on a Starship, and so it was Chakotay who had arranged for him to be assigned to the Science department. In actuality, Challis spent much of his time shifting large pieces of equipment and machinery to areas where they where needed. He was capable of operating a portable hover pad for the really heavy objects, and his work meant that the transporters were used far less frequently than on most Starships. It was almost a year after Voyager arrived in the Delta Quadrant that Harry Kim met Henry Challis. This wasn't surprising, as Challis wasn't one to socialise. He kept very much to himself, with quarters located far from any others. He was intimidated by smart people who talked about things he didn't understand. So when Harry chose Challis to be part of an away mission to collect food and rock samples from a planet Voyager was orbiting, he earned the big man's eternal devotion. Challis was a simple man with simple desires, and with the body of a young Greek God, there had never been a lack of bedmates - of both the male and female variety. Having developed a taste for rough sex, Challis was in demand on Voyager, but had learnt to be careful when choosing bed partners. Instinctively, he avoided drawing attention to himself, and so was careful to grant his favours on the lower decks only. But Harry Kim, with his kind eyes and golden skin, had fascinated him from the very first. Harry treated him like a member of the crew, and spoke to him like he was an equal, instead of an idiot. Challis thought that the sun rose and set with Harry Kim, but knew enough to know that he could never give Harry what he gave others so freely. When Harry had taken up with Tuvok, Henry Challis had cried in his quarters all night long. He had never been interested in the ship's gossip, but now he always had an ear open for talk of Harry Kim. The Ensign's relationship with Voyager's Chief of Security was food for a lot of gossip. And so it was that when Harry Kim turned up at his quarters looking for something his lover clearly couldn't give him, Challis was in seventh heaven. The rules were clear from the start. They never spoke. At first Challis was gentle with this man he had worshipped from afar, but he quickly learned that gentleness was not what Harry wanted. He wanted it rough, wanted it to hurt. They were both young men, capable of going two or three times a night. Harry was driven by personal demons that could only be assuaged by pain, in both the giving and the taking. And Challis was able to live out several years worth of fantasies, happily taking whatever punishment Harry chose to mete out, and discovering that each night they were together, he could push Harry's pain threshold just a little higher. Harry had become very adept at avoiding Tuvok, but one night soon after his first time with Challis, he miscalculated. After finishing his shift, he went to his quarters to eat, shower and change. Before he could leave, however, Tuvok returned, and instantly surmised the reason behind Harry's preparations. He stood between Harry and the door, calm and impassive of facade, as usual. Harry could feel his pain and his confusion, but ignored it. He went to push past Tuvok, but the Vulcan caught him by the shoulders. "Harry - please. Do not do this. If you need this, come to me. I can give you what you want." Harry looked steadily at Tuvok, rejection in every line of his stance. "You can't give me what I want, Tuvok. You don't even know what I want." He broke from Tuvok's hold and continued towards the door, but Tuvok grabbed him by the arm once again. "I know what he does to you. If that is what you desire, than I will give it to you. There is no need to involve a third person in this." His response angered Harry for reasons he wasn't prepared to fathom. Shaking off Tuvok's hand angrily, he spat, "Maybe I *like* involving a third person, Tuvok. Did you ever consider that?" This time he made it through the front door leaving Tuvok standing helpless in their quarters. ---------- The time that followed was a nightmare for all concerned. Harry didn't spend every night in Challis' quarters, but he did it frequently enough. Tuvok's demeanor gradually slipped back into the brittle, unyielding persona of his youth, as he struggled to find meaning behind the pain. He lost weight, but that was the only physical indication of the severe emotional trauma he was going through. No-one but he, Harry and Challis knew of Harry's visits below decks, and Tuvok didn't know who to go to for help. If he couldn't stop Harry it was unlikely that anyone else could, and he was loathe to involve yet another crew member needlessly. The Captain felt as powerless as everyone else when it came to Harry. There were just no facilities available for Harry, other than a holographic medical doctor. Family members couldn't be called in, and transfer to a Starbase or a Medical facility could hardly be arranged. Both Chakotay and the Doctor had recommended against taking Harry off the bridge - in any case, it would be difficult to find reason to do so. His performance on the bridge was excellent. Off the bridge was another matter. Harry avoided being anywhere where Tom or B'Elanna were likely to be, and his attitude to Chakotay when off duty was millimeters short of downright offensive. He was skating on the edge of an insubordination charge, but never went over that fine line. It was his expression and the tone of his voice when he spoke to Chakotay that put the First Officer's teeth on edge. Other crew members had begun to avoid Harry. They just didn't know how to deal with this new, bitterly sarcastic version of the formerly friendly Ensign and it showed. And then Harry ceased his sessions with the Doctor, giving no explanation. The Doctor was concerned enough to inform Chakotay, who in turn, informed the Captain. The Doctor was well aware of why Harry had terminated their sessions - they were getting too close to what really *was* the problem. Harry had talked about his time at the Academy, his childhood, the early days of his relationship with Tuvok. They had even discussed Carey's death. But the enormous anger that was so obviously a part of the Ensign had not been touched upon. The Doctor began to suspect that Harry was abusing himself in some fashion, a suspicion that grew as he noted the stiffness with which Harry sometimes moved. He shared his diagnosis with a concerned Chakotay - that Harry had been heading for a major blowout for weeks, and his cessation of counselling sessions was an indication that it was very near. --------- Harry's face hurt. That was all he could concentrate on at the moment, the blaze of pain in every other point on his body was too much to think about, too much for his fragile state to handle. Challis was fucking him again, had him shoved up against a wall in his quarters and had entered him about twenty minutes ago. The giant man could last forever, and there was no gentleness in his taking of Harry. Each time the Ensign seemed to want it harder, but Henry Challis had no way of knowing that Harry was fast nearing his breaking point. Entry had been achieved with the help of the blood and semen already accumulated inside Harry from the three other times Challis had fucked him tonight. Twice on the bed, once on the floor and now up against the wall. One giant hand at the back of his head shoved Harry's face into the wall as Challis grunted behind him, thrusting continuously. There were rope burns around Harry's wrists, and bruises all over his body. His jaw ached from the age he had spent sucking Challis to hardness. As with their previous unspoken agreement, there was no gentleness. Challis had simply grabbed the back of Harry's head and thrust hard, half choking him at times. In the middle of it all, now, Harry reached the point where he wanted it to stop. It was no longer a welcome punishment, it was just pain: physical, mental, emotional. The wall he'd put up between himself and Tuvok came crashing down at that moment and the pain he'd been holding at bay for weeks suddenly hit him all at once. Disgust, humiliation and guilt finally pushed their way through the anger, and Harry Kim collapsed underneath the weight of it all. ~~ Tuvok was sorting out a fight that had broken out in Sandrine's when he felt Harry's mental collapse. He staggered, a hand going to his head automatically as the weight of his bondmate's emotions hit him full force. One thing was clear. Harry was hurt. ~~ Challis came inside him, and Harry's limp body slumped to the floor. The big man left the room to shower and Harry pulled one last effort from his abused body to dress and leave while Challis was out of the room. His mind was nothing more than a morass of pain - every pore of his body screamed and every atom of his mind screamed louder. The trip to Sickbay seemed to take forever. ~~ The crew members who had been fighting were looking at him strangely, and the junior security staff member who had been called to the scene was clearly on the verge of calling sickbay. Tuvok summoned every effort he could to pull himself together, and continued with the business of getting the fighting crew members to the brig. O'Dare was a very young, inexperienced member of the security team and it was unlikely she would be able to keep the crew members from resuming their fight if Tuvok were to leave. The Vulcan got the two crew members down to the brig, and handed them over to a more senior security staff before ascertaining Harry's whereabouts from the computer. ~~ As Harry Kim stumbled into Sickbay, both the Doctor and Tom Paris looked up in surprise. The Doctor was faster to react, however, and immediately assisted Harry to the medical bed and ran a tricorder over him. Without looking up, he said, "Thank you, Mr. Paris, you may leave." Tom ignored him completely and supported Harry as much as he could. The Ensign was pale and sweating, obviously in some pain. There was bruising on his face, and as the Doctor swiftly removed his shirt, Tom could see the bruising over his torso. "Harry, what the hell happened? Who did this to you?" Harry looked away in shame and distress, not wanting to break down in front of his friend. The Doctor noted his embarrassment, and correctly attributed the cause to Tom's presence. "Mr. Paris, I insist you leave Sickbay at once." "No way, Doc - I'm here on duty, remember? Harry, talk to me, tell me what happened." Harry's eyes remained closed, but the tears behind them began to fall. Tom looked beyond the Doctor to the screen behind him, where the medical data from the tricorder was displaying the information. Bruises, a lot of bruises. Some hours old and others days old. Tearing of the anus, and scar tissue bearing testimony to past tearing……. Tom was overcome with a white hot rage as he read the evidence before him. Suddenly, Harry's recent behaviour was making sense to him. His avoidance of Tuvok, the way he'd been moving stiffly recently. As he looked down at the bed and saw his friend lying there, sobbing and in pain, Tom knew a fury so intense he wanted to kill Tuvok with his bare hands. When Tuvok entered Sickbay, he could see his lover being tended to by the Doctor. Ignoring everything else, Tuvok headed for Harry, only to be stopped in his tracks by an uppercut that came out of nowhere. Tom Paris followed up his original attack by grabbing Tuvok by the throat and shoving him against the walls of Sickbay. "You bastard, Tuvok! He loved you, and you did *this* to him?" Tuvok seized Tom's hands in a hard grip and pushed the angry Pilot away from him. As Tom threw another punch, Tuvok caught the fist in mid air, grabbed the wrist and spun him around to the wall, giving him a mild Vulcan neck pinch as he did so. Tom slumped to the floor, unconscious, and Tuvok turned back to the biobed. It was clear that Harry hadn't noticed a thing, so deep was his pain and anguish. The Doctor had treated the bruises, cuts and abrasions, and the tearing inside him, but the flood of tears hadn't abated. Tuvok ignored the Doctor's caustic remarks about Tom Paris' propensity for hitting people in Sickbay and reached for his lover. His touch connected, and their minds also. Harry opened pain-filled eyes to see Tuvok with him, and launched himself into the Vulcan's arms. Tuvok tightened his embrace, and just held him, soothing him with a gentleness that surprised even the unflappable Doctor. The Doctor put the regenerator he had been using aside, and moved to the Sickbay transporter controls, saying quietly, "I'll send Tom Paris with a sedative for him. And I'll want to set up counselling sessions for both of you as soon as possible." His message was clear - he would let Tuvok have Harry now, but there would be a price to pay later. Tuvok nodded, as the familiar hum of the transporter washed over himself and Harry and left them standing in their quarters. ---------- When a very abashed Tom Paris entered Harry and Tuvok's quarters some time later, he found Harry tucked up in bed and Tuvok clearly planning to spend the night watching over him. Harry was sleeping, but the Doctor felt he needed several hours of uninterrupted slumber, hence the sedative. Tom watched Tuvok watching Harry, and remembered the times Tuvok had saved his life, remembered Tuvok defending him from a murder charge, remembered Tuvok stepping aside quietly every time Tom needed Harry's shoulder to cry on. As he recalled the evidence from Sickbay he felt a very real compassion for the man he'd been trying to kill only thirty minutes prior. He gave Harry the sedative that the Doctor had ordered and turned to Tuvok. "Come on, Tuvok - you need a shower, and a meal, and then you need to get some rest yourself." Tuvok didn't take his eyes off Harry as he said, "Thank you for coming, Mr. Paris. I believe I have the situation in hand, now." Tom was getting good at ignoring these brusque dismissals. "Tuvok, Harry will sleep for at least eight hours and you're not going to be much good to him if you're in this state when he wakes up. Now you are going to have a shower while I get a meal from the replicator, and you're going to eat it and I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're okay." Tom was as good as his word, and there was a hot meal awaiting Tuvok when he emerged, dressed in regulation sleepwear, from the bathroom. Harry was still sleeping deeply, and Tom had been right - the shower was welcome and the aroma coming from the main room reminded him of how long it had been since he had eaten a full meal. Tuvok ate in silence as Tom conferred over the comm link with the Doctor. He put his dishes in the refresher, and went to the bedroom, watching as Tom ran the medical tricorder over Harry's sleeping form, and quietly relayed the information to the Doctor. Diagnosis complete, Tom gently tucked Harry back in, and returned with Tuvok to the main room. Tuvok sat on the couch, elbows resting on his knees, head bowed. He looked tired. As Tom crossed the room to sit in the armchair next to the couch, he wondered briefly how he had ever considered Tuvok emotionless. The two men sat in silence for a while, before Tuvok spoke. "I did not know what to do." It wasn't a plea for understanding, or an excuse, just a simple fact. And finally Tom knew this man well enough to know that he was saying more than the words implied. "I don't think I would have known what to do either, Tuvok. It's not a Vulcan thing or a human thing - just a lousy situation, that's all." Tuvok remained silent, staring blankly at the floor between his feet. Tom spoke again, his voice gentle. "Go and stay with him, Tuvok. He needs you now - probably as much as you need him." That blatantly emotional sentence could not go unchallenged. Tuvok looked up at Tom, one eyebrow raised in a very familiar expression. Tom grinned at the sight and said, "Sorry, Tuvok. Forgot for a second." Both men were fully aware of the truth of his previous statement, but Tom was content to let Tuvok maintain some pretense of Vulcan indifference. He was finally beginning to understand why Harry loved this man so much. There was a lot more to Tuvok than met the eye. Tom rose to leave, and was escorted to the door by Tuvok. He didn't expect thanks from the Vulcan, but he knew enough to know that Vulcans disliked indebtedness. "Tuvok - I never thanked you for talking to Chakotay that time in sickbay. It made a big difference. I owe you one." Tuvok's features remained impassive as he replied, "Your ... medical assistance this evening was most timely." "Then I guess we're even, huh?" "There is still the matter of your assault in sickbay." Tom's jaw dropped in astonishment. "I can't believe you would press charges over that! I was only..." Tuvok's expression hadn't changed a whit, but suddenly Tom knew he'd been had. He stopped mid-sentence and grinned. Turning, he began strolling down the corridor, muttering to himself, knowing full well that Tuvok would be able to hear every word. "A hundred and forty-six people onboard this ship, and my best friend has to pick a Vulcan to fall in love with. Sheesh!" ---------- Harry awoke the next morning in Tuvok's arms. He felt rested and at peace for the first time since Carey's death, and he would have been content just to lie in his lover's embrace forever, had Tuvok not stirred at that moment. The Vulcan woke to find Harry watching him carefully, but still from the shelter of his arms. Tenderly, Tuvok brushed a recalcitrant lock of hair away from Harry's brow, never leaving the steady gaze. Harry whispered brokenly, "I love you, Tuvok." Tuvok's reply was instinctive, but it was the response Harry needed desperately to hear. "I know." ---------- The following day, Tuvok went to the Captain to ask for medical leave for himself and Harry and the Captain agreed to his request. Inwardly, she was at once relieved and amazed at Tuvok's request. For a Vulcan to request time off work to attend to a problem concerning mental health was probably a first in Starfleet history. Not that it would ever become public knowledge. The crew knew enough to know that Harry had gone through a tough time of it in the aftermath of Carey's death. On the whole, they were sympathetic, because despite his behaviour in the weeks that followed the incident, Harry was a popular crew member with friends in all sections and ranks. That Tuvok also requested leave buzzed around the ship in no time. Like the Captain, the crew were amazed that Tuvok would make this public announcement of his inability to cope with things without outside help. And for perhaps the first time since their voyage had begun, the crew began to appreciate Tuvok's very real feelings for his bond-mate. It would be a long time before the crew came to like Tuvok as much as they liked Harry, but there was a definite thaw. Harry and Tuvok attended counselling sessions together and separately. Tuvok meditated and did a couple of hours of work a day, mainly from their quarters. Harry worked out in the gym and was once again seen hanging out with Tom and B'Elanna. But mainly, the lovers spent time with each other. As Harry came to terms with his role in Carey's death, it became clear that there were other issues to deal with, and he and the Doctor patiently worked through them. His Kal-toh improved. He was still nowhere near Tuvok's level, but at least he was beginning to prove a more able opponent. Tom had introduced Harry to Vaht-l'th, a computer game he'd picked up on their last shore leave which had proven popular amongst the crew. Tuvok had proven disgustingly adept at beating the hell out of Harry in *that*, too, but it had felt good to laugh about it. They hadn't made love since before the incident. Through the counselling sessions, the Doctor and Harry both knew he was ready to, but taking that last step was suddenly intensely nerve-wracking. Harry had decided to wait until their first anniversary, which would be in eight days. Once the decision was made, he was able once again to relax again in Tuvok's company. It was later the same night he'd made that decision that Harry began to feel that he may have been a little hasty in putting things off. He was seated at the desk, working on some basic engineering specs, when he happened to glance over at his lover. Both men were wearing nothing but pajama shorts, as was their custom at this time of night. Now, watching Tuvok reading on the couch, he was getting seriously turned on. Tuvok had a body and a half underneath the Starfleet issue uniforms - lean and hard and muscled. As he moved one long fingered hand to key in a command in the data pad he was reading, Tuvok glanced up to find Harry watching him in a manner very reminiscent of earlier days. Eyes met, and a question was asked and answered in that glance. As Harry got up from his seat and entered the bedroom, his nervousness returned tenfold. It had been too long without Tuvok, but he just wanted the first time over and done with so that they could concentrate on pleasuring each other as they once used to. As Tuvok stowed away his data pad and followed Harry into the bedroom, his sense of humour - long repressed but finding release as Harry encouraged it - asserted itself once again. A long time ago, Harry had told him about using an old earth technique to combat nervousness prior to an important presentation. Tuvok had been unable at the time to comprehend how imagining your audience naked would assist in presenting a professional image. Now, he sent the image of that conversation to Harry, with the suggestion that if his lover were nervous, perhaps he should try to picture them both naked. Harry grinned, and the love he felt for Tuvok at that moment was apparent in the gentle humour of his gaze. Then Tuvok reached for him and the humour was lost in the surge of lust that overpowered it. He had forgotten the sheer heat of Tuvok's body, the hardness of his muscles, the smoothness of his skin. But he was remembering now and his body was taking over his thought processes, naturally moving closer in Tuvok's embrace and lifting his chin to meet Tuvok's mouth. How could he have forgotten the feel - the taste of that mouth! Harry's hands moved up automatically to span Tuvok's head and pull his mouth closer. Their tongues and their erections met at the same moment and neither was aware of anything more at that moment than a desire to feel skin against skin. Tuvok's mental imagery was surprisingly vague and not the crisp mental pictures he usually communicated during their lovemaking. But it was the trembling of his hands as he stroked Harry's body that showed his own nervousness the most. Harry covered one trembling hand with his own, bringing it to his mouth and kissing each long finger gently. For the first time in what seemed like an age, Harry felt desire. He wanted Tuvok, wanted to kiss him and touch him and make love to him. His cock was hard and throbbed almost painfully as Tuvok gently removed his boxer shorts, and then stepped back to remove his own. It was nearly a year since the day Harry had kissed Tuvok in a turbolift, but it felt like the first time. Dry mouthed and trembling, Harry reached for Tuvok again, and was pulled into his hard embrace, his mouth taken once again. He couldn't get enough of Tuvok's mouth, or tongue, or the feel of his hot, hard body pressed against the length of him. Their cocks were aligned and pressed between the two bodies, the beautiful, hot friction making Harry dizzy. Tuvok left Harry's mouth alone and began sucking hard on his neck. As Harry took several great gulps of air, the dizziness dissipated somewhat. It was Tuvok's incredible strength holding them both up. Harry felt about a foot shorter and 50 pounds lighter in Tuvok's strong grip. It was the feel of the bed on the back of his knees that awakened him to the fact that Tuvok had been pushing him backwards, towards the bed. Harry allowed Tuvok to follow him onto the bed, and reclaim his mouth when he was pressed along the length of Harry's body once again. His hips were thrusting hard against Tuvok now, and nothing and no-one could stop the incredible orgasm that was building up from his very toes. His hands grabbed Tuvok's ass hard to pull him even closer as Harry thrust up finally, and came against Tuvok's body. The gush of warm fluid between their two bodies seemed to take every ounce of Harry's strength with it, and he slumped back on the bed, limp and sated. Tuvok slipped off his body to lie alongside him on the bed. Harry looked down to watch one long-fingered hand stroke the hard, black cock that had given him so much pleasure in the past. Seeing Tuvok handling himself in this intimate fashion bought forth a final, impossible spurt from his own half hard cock. Tuvok climaxed with a quiet sigh of relief and slumped back on the bed for a moment himself. The two men lay for several minutes, exhausted and content. As Harry felt himself drifting off to sleep, though, the feel of a warm wash cloth cleaning him up bought a smile to his face. Tuvok's very predictability was immensely satisfying sometimes. Harry's final effort before unconsciousness claimed him was to curl up in Tuvok's arms once again. The lovers slept. ---------- The following morning Harry awoke to an empty bed. He could hear the shower running, and rose to join Tuvok. Tuvok had been leaning forward, hands against the shower walls, head bowed as the water's hard spray hit his back. He looked up as Harry entered the shower stall, but remained in position when he saw the light in Harry's eyes at his posture. Harry smiled at the picture Tuvok was presenting in front of him, and his cock began to lengthen and thicken. Harry stepped into the shower stall behind Tuvok, adjusting the temperature and flow of the spray, and pressing the conveniently placed nozzle to get a large amount of the all-purpose shower gel to lubricate his fingers. Tuvok stiffened slightly as Harry began to lubricate him for entry. It had been a long time since Harry had been inside Tuvok, and for once, neither man was in a hurry to complete this moment of intimacy. Harry's fingers entered Tuvok's body, and began searching for the angle that would give Tuvok the most pleasure. As the water pounded down, Harry's cock began to throb and leak as he discovered the hard nub inside Tuvok's body that made the Vulcan hiss with pleasure and arch against his hand. Harry grabbed on to the lean thigh with one hand to brace himself, and with the other guided his cock to Tuvok's opening. He pushed inside, and thrust slowly, pulling out a little, and then pushing in again until his cock was buried to the hilt, forcing a groan from Tuvok. Hands on Tuvok's hips, Harry let the natural rhythm overtake his body, and began fucking Tuvok with short, quick thrusts. As he felt his orgasm approaching, he reached around to push Tuvok's hand away from his own cock, and took the engorged organ into both hands, squeezing the head and massaging the balls gently. It was enough to make Tuvok come with a gasp, flooding his hands with the hot liquid. The automatic tightening of the muscles surrounding Harry's cock was too much for the Ensign, who came with a final hard thrust inside his lover's body. He spent a long moment draped over Tuvok's back, the Vulcan supporting them both as they fought to get their breathing and heart-rates under control. After slipping out of Tuvok's body, Harry knelt on the shower floor, ignoring the water that continued to flow. He soaped his hands, and began to clean Tuvok with them, wanting to feel the skin and the sweat and the semen with his own flesh, and not waste the sensation on a wash cloth. Tuvok remained leaning against the wall with legs spread as Harry pressed kisses onto his buttocks and soaped the cleft of his ass, and his balls and cock. Harry washed away the semen that came trickling down from the pucker between Tuvok's ass cheeks, and continued to soap and fondle and kiss the areas he could reach with mouth and hands for some time. Eventually, Tuvok turned off the water, and pulled his lover out of the shower with him to dry him off. When Harry was dry, he kissed Tuvok lightly and departed the bathroom with a grin to get dressed. Harry was in the main room when Tuvok entered the bedroom and began searching for his workout kit. The pants and top were missing, so Tuvok pulled on an older pair of sweat pants and went in search of his missing kit. The sweat pants he was wearing had no matching top, as Harry had appropriated it some time ago. Tuvok's glimmer of suspicion was confirmed when he entered the main room to find Harry dressed in *his* workout kit, seated on the armchair and grinning at the sight of his hard, muscled lover dressed in a pair of workout pants and nothing else. The grin was apparent in his voice when Harry said, "I hope you're not planning on working out in that outfit, Tuvok. I have a hard enough time keeping everyone's hands off you as it is." Tuvok raised one eyebrow and replied in dry tones, "I will call security if any crew members become overcome with lust." Harry's chuckle at the sally was not unexpected, but the choked off laughter coming from the seat in front of Harry was. The Captain rose from her seat and turned to face her clearly dismayed Chief of Security with a grin of her own. "I had no idea that was a problem, Mr. Tuvok. Perhaps we should consider assigning extra security personnel to the gym when you're there..." Tuvok stood his ground, barely. The Captain was between himself and the replicator, but hiding in the bedroom until she left was not only undignified, but possibly insubordinate. "That will not be necessary, Captain." The Vulcan squared his very naked shoulders and headed for the replicator. Harry was still curled up in the armchair, fighting laughter, as the Captain took her seat on the lounge again. She exchanged a quick grin with Harry and then schooled her expression once again. "You know, Commander Chakotay and I had been wondering why gym usage was up so much, lately. We've been trying to think of ways to get a few crewmembers to do some extra work in the hydroponics bay instead. I don't suppose that you would consider ...? Tuvok swiftly pulled the replicated sweatshirt over his head and went to join his Captain and his lover. "I think not, Captain." For an old friend, and to see the grin on Harry's face, the minor loss of dignity could be withstood. Tuvok was glad of the humorous interlude when the reason for the Captain's visit became clear. Chakotay had spoken to Challis, who was not to be disciplined for his part in causing Harry's injuries. The responsibility was Harry's, and so would the punishment be. Reduced replicator rations for six months, plus an extra half shift during the Gamma rotation - the equivalent of ten extra hours of work every week - for the next six months also. It was a stiff penalty, but Harry welcomed it. "Thank you, Captain. I'll talk to Henry myself later, get that sorted out." Tuvok remained silent throughout. The Captain, Chakotay, Tom Paris and the Doctor were all aware of Harry's involvement with Henry Challis. Tuvok had many more hours to spend in meditation before that fact would be easier to accept. The Captain rose. "I look forward to having you back on the bridge, Harry." Her smile was gentle as she looked at this young man who was so much a part of Voyager's bridge crew. Harry stood too, and smiled back. The innocence was gone, leaving an odd sense of maturity on the young features. As the Captain took her leave, she couldn't help but think of the boy who had reported for duty so long ago. He was still there, but he was most noticeable when on the bridge. The enthusiasm, the eagerness to learn - these things had not changed. It was the off duty Harry Kim who had changed the most, and the Captain knew that she wasn't the only crewmember who was looking forward to seeing Harry back on the bridge. ---------- It was eight weeks to the day that Carey had died when Harry Kim returned to duty. Upon entering the bridge and taking up his station, he was uncomfortably aware that everyone on the bridge was carefully trying *not* to make him feel self-conscious. All of a sudden everyone seemed to have something urgent to take care of on their monitors, and given the complete lack of anything happening on sensors or in engineering, this sudden attention to detail was more than a little embarrassing. As he studied the Ops board, and began a basic check of the systems, Harry felt Tuvok's presence in his mind a second before the image of everyone on the bridge, totally naked, entered his head. Surreptitiously watching Harry from her position in the center chair, the Captain noticed his sudden grin and wondered at the cause. A moment later, she saw him glance over at the Security station and the look of love on his face was enough to make her blink suddenly misty eyes. Turning back towards the helm, Captain Janeway smiled to herself, and said, "Mr. Paris. Ahead Warp factor 2." ----- continued in the eighth story in the Of Love and Logic series 'The Proposition'