The BLTS Archive - My Heart Belongs to Me
second in The Simon & Garfunkel series
by Yvette (yvette@ecn.net.au)

---

(c) November 1998

Intro:  Malissa and Fern both had a hand in this one, and  both made
the comment that the story doesn't completely  gel with I Am A Rock.
So in truth, this could be taken as  either a sequel to Rock, or as a
standalone story in itself.  The good news is, it's got sex!  Ah,
Boyd.......

--

It was over.  Five weeks, two days, nine hours, some odd minutes.
Tuvok couldn't be as exact in this as he was in everything, as it
was unclear to him when his relationship with Harry had actually
begun.

Was it from the moment they kissed for the first time?  Perhaps it
would be more accurate to say they had begun at the moment Harry had
come to his quarters that night.  In truth, it had begun sooner than
that.  It had begun at Tarmin's wedding.

---

Tuvok was not thrilled to discover his seat at the wedding ceremony
was diagonally behind Harry Kim's.  B'Elanna sat directly in front of
Tuvok, Harry to her left and Tom on her right.  Tuvok's seat gave the
Vulcan an excellent view of Harry's profile as the Ensign turned to
whisper to his two best friends.  The ceremony was mercifully short,
the Captain using the standard Starfleet script for the occasion.
They were seated far enough back in the room for the happy couple not
to hear or notice Tom's running whispered commentary during the
service.  B'Elanna and Harry sniggered quietly at Tom's jokes and
all three applauded loudly when the Vulcan and his new wife were
pronounced wed.

As Sue Nicoletti stepped up to the bridal platform to sing the
wedding song, Tom had turned to B'Elanna and Harry with a grin and
whispered, "You know, I hear Vulcans can keep it up for *hours* at a
time."  B'Elanna had smirked, and Harry too had grinned, but at that
moment the Ensign had looked up to see Tuvok watching him.  Instead of
blushing, the Ensign had raised one eyebrow at Tuvok.  There was a
speculative gleam in his eye and he held Tuvok's gaze for a long
moment before turning back to the front.  He was smiling.

In accordance with Vulcan tradition, there was no formal reception
after the service, just a small gathering with close friends of the
bride and groom.  Tuvok joined Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres and Harry
Kim in the turbolift outside the holodeck - other crew members
standing back as a matter of course to let the officers take the
first lift available.

Tuvok found himself glancing at Harry despite his every effort to
remain distant.  He saw awareness in the Ensign's gaze, arousal.
Harry had clearly seen *something* in Tuvok's eyes in that moment
during the wedding ceremony and the knowledge of it was in Harry's
eyes.  Tuvok, who was no expert on humans at the very best of times,
had no difficulty understanding the look Harry was giving him.  Harry
wanted him.

The Vulcan looked away.  Tom Paris continued to prattle on to
B'Elanna Torres, but the words were meaningless to Voyager's Chief of
Security.  He could feel the heat of Harry's gaze on him and he
concentrated on looking  stoically ahead.  The turbolift seemed to
take forever to reach the given destinations, though Tuvok's Vulcan
brain quickly dismissed that particular fantasy.  It had taken
thirty-one seconds for the turbolift to reach deck three, no more.
Certainly not hours.  He exited the lift, not pausing even when he
felt, rather than saw Harry exiting right behind  him.  Tuvok heard
Tom's playful banter cut off as the doors closed behind them and the
turbolift continued on its way.

Tuvok could feel Harry's eyes assessing him as the Ensign followed
him silently.  He felt like the eyes were stripping him naked,
imagining how he would be as a sexual partner.  Tuvok entered his
quarters.  He would have to speak.  Would have to turn and look at
Harry but it was impossible to do.  He stood at the viewport, silent.
Waiting.

In the reflection he could see Harry approach him from  behind.  Then
there were Harry's hands, travelling up from the small of Tuvok's
back, tracing the muscles of his back and shoulders, before coming to
rest on Tuvok's shoulders.  Tuvok felt the heat of arousal flood his
body, and his cock began to harden.  There were no words.

Tuvok turned, and waited for Harry to make the next move.  His cock
was straining against his uniform, but he couldn't look away from
Harry's eyes to see if the Ensign was in a similar condition.  Harry
smiled, leaned forward, and kissed him.

Tuvok knew how to kiss.  Had seen it done many times, watched any
number of holovids that showed humans engaged in this most intimate
act.  He applied pressure to Harry's mouth, swaying slightly with
the incredible feeling that was kissing Harry Kim.

They kissed softly for a few moments.  And then Harry reached up with
fingers and thumb to span Tuvok's jawline and gently apply a
downwards pressure with the thumb of his hand.  Tuvok opened his
mouth at the unspoken command, and Harry kissed him again.  This time
it was different - Harry's tongue was inside his mouth, exploring
him erotically, one hand behind Tuvok's head, holding him in place.
Tuvok wanted more.  His own tongue shyly stroked Harry's, and he
could feel the frisson of excitement throughout Harry's body at his
tentative approach.  He became bolder, entering Harry's mouth and
exploring.  His own hands came up to card Harry's hair as Tuvok lost
himself in the intoxicating sensation of Harry's tongue in his mouth.

How long they stood there kissing, he did not know.  His internal
clock had stopped functioning a while back and every rational thought
had long since departed.  It was Harry who pulled away, smiling at
the dazed look in Tuvok's eyes.  Tuvok was in paradise - logic had no
place here.

He allowed Harry to lead him into the bedroom, and stood still as the
younger man stripped.  In his fantasies he had stripped the clothes
from Harry's body, but it was clear that he would be incapable of
fulfilling that particular fantasy tonight.  He could only stand and
watch as Harry turned back to face him, having discarded his uniform
on a nearby chair.

He was breathtaking.  The bronzed, muscled body was perfectly formed
but Tuvok found his gaze drawn automatically to the hard erection
that jutted out from between Harry's legs.  It was thick and straight
and flushed with arousal.  It was beautiful.

Finally Tuvok dragged his eyes away from Harry's cock and back to the
Ensign's face, to see Harry grinning at him in a predatory fashion.
Tuvok was so hard he ached with arousal, but still he waited for
some indication of what he should do.  Should he have assisted Harry
in removing his clothes?  Would Harry allow more kissing, or would he
consider the preliminaries over?

Harry strolled over to the bed and sat down on it, legs spread wide,
hands flat on the bed behind him as he leant back slightly on
straight arms.

Tuvok stared at the blatantly erotic vision that sat on the bed,
transfixed.  Harry did nothing more than raise one eyebrow in a
manner reminiscent of his expression during the wedding service.
Tuvok understood the unspoken request and was at once grateful for
the instruction.

How hard it was to perform this simple task!  He had been doing this
every day for the better part of a century, and suddenly now he was
fumbling with the clasp to his uniform, hands shaking ever so
slightly with sheer nervousness.  This was indeed a new experience.
Keeping his face impassive took far less effort than keeping his body
under control, but it was still many long seconds before he was
stripped and could stand before the searing gaze of Harry Kim,
completely naked.

Harry motioned Tuvok towards him.  As Harry's cool hands stroked
Tuvok's legs and thighs, curling around his body to each palm one
rigid buttock in each hand, Tuvok found his control slipping further.
Would he . . .?  He would.  Tuvok forced back a moan of pure
pleasure at the feel of Harry's mouth on his cock.

Harry was taking his time, tonguing the length of Tuvok's rigid cock
before kissing the head, then sucking it into his mouth and working
it with his tongue, in an intimate  emulation of the kiss they had
shared minutes before.  Tuvok was dizzy with lust, so turned on by the
wet heat that engulfed his cock he could feel his orgasm begin right
there.  His hands went involuntarily to Harry's hair, clenching
handfuls of it as he began a series of small thrusts inside the
insidiously addictive warmth.

Harry took the inches inside his mouth, and then more of Tuvok's
length until Tuvok could feel Harry's breath on his pubic hair.
Stunned at this unexpected skill, Tuvok could only spasm into orgasm
helplessly, managing at the last possible second to swallow the groan
of pleasure that threatened to escape his lips as he came inside
Harry's mouth.  Incredibly Harry swallowed every drop, pulling back
from Tuvok's cock with a cheeky grin.  In a second he was on his
feet and sharing the taste of Tuvok with the Vulcan in a kiss so deep
it was like their mouths were melded together.  Harry's cock pressed
into his stomach, and Tuvok was aware that he was supposed to do
something but he wasn't sure what.  His dreams were staid and
commonplace next to the reality.

Harry pulled back from his mouth, finally, and turned to the bed.  He
took a handful of coverlet in one hand and tossed it to the base of
the bed before lying full length upon it.  Tuvok looked down at him
with some small measure of shock.  Here was Harry Kim, naked, in the
very bed Tuvok slept in every night.  Harry patted the bed beside
him, and Tuvok realised with a start that the Ensign was waiting for
him to lie down.  He did so quickly, stretched along the side of
Harry's body, wishing as he did so that Harry had left the coverlet
alone.  As if, somehow, being naked with Harry would be easier if
they were under the concealing cover.

Harry had given him pleasure - it was clearly his turn to respond.
Tuvok's calm features gave no hint of the turmoil he felt at that
moment.  He should have researched this far more thoroughly.

Hesitantly, Tuvok bent his head to lick Harry's nipples.  They
hardened, but Tuvok could sense that the stimulation wasn't having
much effect on Harry.  He glanced up to find Harry watching him
beneath hooded lids, a small smile on his face.  Tuvok bent his head
again, ignoring the heat that suffused his face and the split second
of panic at the thought that he may not have the ability to give
Harry pleasure.  He tongued the hard nubs in a rougher fashion, more
to give himself time to think than in an effort to arouse.  As he got
rougher, though, he could sense Harry's arousal grow.

There was a soft sigh of pleasure from Harry then, and Tuvok took a
chance, nipping the nipple between his teeth and pulled on the nub
gently.  There was a definite  response from that and Tuvok spent
some moments sucking and licking and nibbling.  Soon the Ensign was
squirming beneath him on the bed, and Tuvok moved further down.

He wanted so badly to taste every millimetre of the body laid out
before him, but even in the midst of his blinding arousal, Tuvok
understood instinctively that Harry needed release soon.  Harry was
by far the more experienced of the two, but he was also a human in
his early twenties.  Prolonging his pleasure indefinitely was not an
option.

Tuvok paused momentarily when he came to Harry's cock.  He wanted to
explore it, test every square centimetre of flesh with his tongue and
lips to see what gave Harry the most pleasure, but he was more
concerned about displaying his ignorance.  He bent his head and
extended his tongue to trace the head of Harry's cock.
Instinctively, his hand came up between Harry's legs to cup the balls
and stroke them gently.  How difficult could it be to give Harry
pleasure?  He had performed this service on himself many times, after
all.  The only difference was that this time Harry's cock was in his
mouth, leaking a small amount of ejaculate that sharpened his taste
buds.  His mouth began to water, literally, as the taste of Harry
exploded inside his mouth, and his hand picked up the pace to match
the strokes of his tongue as he cupped and shaped Harry's balls.

So caught up in the bliss of being allowed to perform this
inconceivably intimate act, it was several minutes before the sounds
Harry was making impinged on his consciousness.  The Ensign was
moaning, surprisingly verbose.

"Yes. . .  oh, God yes, Tuvok - that's it. . . . . . Oh God, oh  yeah.
 . there! Just there. . . … oh Christ. . . . . . more of that."

Had Tuvok not been Vulcan, he would have smiled at the sound of pure
delight emanating from Harry.  In his imagination, they had both
been silent, but Tuvok was aware that he had been working from
limited experience.  Humans had all sorts of unusual customs
involving sex - these breathy moans and soft instructions were
clearly a part of the process for Harry.

All too soon Tuvok could feel the balls in his hand draw up as Harry
approached climax.  The hand on the back of his head pressed down as
Harry thrust up suddenly and Tuvok was almost choked with the cock
that thrust down his throat and the spurt of ejaculate that filled
his mouth.  He swallowed, enjoying the taste and wanting more,
breathing through his nose and feeling triumphant at Harry's shout of
joy as the muscles of his throat massaged the throbbing cock and
coaxed a final spurt from it.

He could pull back then, and take several long gulps of air into his
lungs, concentrating on returning heart rate and breathing back to
normal.  The hesitation returned then as Tuvok turned to Harry.  The
Ensign's eyes were closed and he had a relaxed grin on his face, the
likes of which Tuvok had never seen before.  As Tuvok maneuvered
himself on the bed to lie next to Harry, he pondered the thought that
the grin he was seeing probably only appeared when Harry was
post-coital.  It was at once an exciting and sobering thought.
Exciting that he was here, in bed with Harry Kim, having just
performed a sexual act he had hitherto only read about - sobering to
wonder how many other crew members had seen that same grin.

"Christ, Tuvok - where have you been hiding that?"  Harry sounded
amused.

Tuvok had no idea how to respond, so he said nothing.

Harry turned to look at him, then propped himself up on one elbow to
look down at Tuvok, who lay patiently under his regard.

The Ensign traced a languid finger the length of Tuvok's chest and
abdomen, smiling fondly at the flaccid cock.

"I guess Tom got it wrong, huh?"  As was the pattern of their
conversations, Tuvok knew instantly what Harry was referring to.  He
could feel his heart rate pick up slightly.  Harry was a young man,
capable of being aroused more than once in a night.  Tuvok had never
in his life been possessed with a desire to 'show off' and he
inwardly marvelled at the curious sensation.

Before he could lose his nerve he reached over for Harry's hand and
pulled it to cover his cock.  Amazed at his own boldness, Tuvok felt
himself grow hard again under the dual ministrations of his and
Harry's hands.  The sensual massage was having an effect on Harry,
too, if the human's hardening cock was any indication.

Then Harry smiled that smile again.  He was clearly impressed and
also aroused.  The Vulcan felt a thrill of triumph at that look.
Excitement coursed through his body as Harry leaned over to kiss him
and they began to make love again.

---

In the following weeks, Tuvok found himself relating to a typically
human cryptic analogy.  He had read 'A Tale Of Two Cities' as a boy
and had never truly understood the opening sentence.

~ It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. ~

The first weeks of his relationship with Harry were like that.  Having
Harry in his bed every night was exciting, exhilarating - dangerous.
The sex was incredible.  There were other words, and Tuvok heard
many of them from Harry - but the closest Vulcan equivalent of the
constant sexual marathon he had embarked upon was the Pon farr.  The
sex was fantastic.  Tuvok was an extremely fit Vulcan in the prime of
his life, capable of maintaining several erections a night.  And Harry
was one giant walking hormone.

Over the course of the first few weeks, Tuvok learnt more about sex
than he had in a lifetime.  He penetrated Harry and was penetrated in
turn - an experience that took several hours of gentle preparation by
Harry to achieve but was worth every second of anticipation.  Very
quickly Tuvok had lived out every fantasy he'd ever had about Harry
and they'd moved on to areas he'd never even considered before.  Sex
in the shower, for example, was a favourite of Harry's.  Sex on the
couch was something worth trying once, but for a truly exceptional
experience Tuvok would have to put sex at his desk at the top of the
list.  Naked, bent over his desk  submissively as Harry pounded inside
him was a blissfully erotic adventure.

There was no hiding under the covers with Harry.  When they slept
together for an entire night, it was with Harry draped over his body
like a blanket - no other covers.  Tuvok's quarters were maintained at
a significantly higher temperature than Harry's and Harry adapted in
his own unique way.  Uniforms were removed quickly, blankets and
other bed coverings removed in entirety, nakedness became the norm.
For Harry, anyway.  Tuvok could never fully rid himself of the
feeling of anticipation that accompanied the nakedness.  Nudity was
for washing and for sex.  That Harry enjoyed combining the two meant
that nudity equalled sex pretty much all the time - and that was an
equation Tuvok's body had no trouble remembering.

That was the best of their relationship.  Conversely - the worst
involved almost everything that happened outside of Tuvok's quarters.
After the initial stunned amazement, the crew settled down to their
usual business, ie i.e.tting on the outcome of the relationship.  Given
that Harry had never had a serious affair since being on Voyager,
and given that he was famous for his 'open relationships', the odds
given on this being a long-lasting affair were not worth quoting.

Harry didn't sleep around like Tom, but he'd had his fair share of
sexual partners.  He'd just never gone for a monogamous thing before,
avoiding any an all entanglements that looked like they might get too
serious.  The crew debated for weeks on what it was that captivated
Harry about Tuvok, and quickly came to the conclusion that it was the
sex.  Unfortunately - from Tuvok's point of view, anyway - they were
correct.  Harry had obviously acted on impulse after Tarmin's
wedding.  It was clear to Tuvok that Harry had given little thought
to the ramifications of a relationship with the Vulcan and Tuvok was
aware that if he *did* have time to think about it, he would probably
end it.

And so Tuvok did his best to appear as non-threatening as possible,
knowing that if Harry ever had any indication of Tuvok's feelings for
him, he would run a mile.

For the duration of their relationship, Tuvok avoided any and all
interpersonal contact with other members of the crew.  He still
coached Kes with her telepathic skills, but it was completely
unnecessary to tell her anything about Harry.  She could feel it all
when they were linked telepathically, and she knew enough about him
to offer only silent support.  She knew, as he did, that it was only a
matter of time before Harry would terminate their relationship, and
she was concerned about what would happen to Tuvok when that
happened.  When, not if.  They both knew it was a transitory thing.

What was both a blessing and a curse about the relationship was the
change it wreaked on Harry and Tuvok's previous relationship.  They
no longer played KalKal-tohno longer had the long talks that lasted
into the night.  Somehow the dynamic between them would not allow it.
It was either this passionate sexual frenzy or the comfortable
friendship - not both.  And while Tuvok missed the Harry he'd had as
a friend fiercely, it helped that they were no longer communicating
verbally as much.  He could keep his distance, concentrate on the
physical and bury the emotional complex deep down inside.  He was on
borrowed time with Harry - there would be plenty of opportunity after
Harry finished with him to work on his battered psyche.

Now was his only chance to build up memories that would have to last
him a lifetime.

It is possible that the relationship would have lasted longer had the
concerns of the senior staff onboard Voyager not finally penetrated
the orgasmic haze of lust that had enveloped Harry since becoming
involved with Tuvok.

The Captain knew Tuvok well enough to know he was no candidate for a
casual relationship.  She had asked him, early on in the piece, if he
knew what he was doing.  He had replied in the affirmative, and the
matter was dropped.  But he could feel her concern as the rumour mill
spun out of control over the next few weeks.  Chakotay didn't know
him as well as the Captain did, but he knew enough about Vulcans in
general to feel concern.  He'd offered - more than  once - to be a
'sympathetic ear' in case Tuvok felt the need to talk.  Tuvok had
declined his offer on each occasion.  Vulcans do not discuss their sex
life with anyone.

Harder still was the occasional pitying glance he received from Tom
Paris.  How the pilot could understand what Tuvok was feeling for
Harry was a mystery, but at least he didn't see fit to inform Harry
of his suspicions.

And so the pattern they had developed for their relationship slid
inexorably into disaster.  Harry would come to his quarters late at
night, they would spend an hour or so having incredible sex, and
Harry would fall asleep in Tuvok's bed.  Tuvok would almost always lay
awake for hours, requiring far less sleep than his lover, and wanting
to savour these rare and precious moments.  The mornings had their own
pattern, too.  Harry met Tom for breakfast most mornings, but
for two days out of each roster rotation Chakotay breakfasted with
his lover which left Harry free to spend the time with Tuvok.  They
got into the habit of skipping breakfast on those mornings, instead
spending the time fucking in bed, or in the shower.

Even in his most private fantasies Tuvok could not call what they
were doing making love.  It was hot, incredible sex, but there were
no words of love spoken by either.  Tuvok looked forward to those
mornings, wanting to feel the ache of Harry's possession on his body
throughout the day.

In his spare time, Tuvok meditated.  It was his last and only defense
against the tide of longing that would occasionally threaten to
overwhelm him when his barriers were down.  He meditated to suppress
every unwanted urge he was a victim to in the early hours of the
mornings when he held Harry in his arms.  He meditated in an effort
to stop the yearning inside him and he meditated to stop himself from
thinking too much about his relationship with Harry.

The truth was, Tuvok wanted more than Harry's body.  He wanted
Harry's laughter, his conversation, his mind, his soul.  His heart.  A
true bond of soul mates was rare, even on his own planet.  More
usually, as in his case, two people were bonded very young due to a
general compatibility.  Love matches were unusual on Vulcan.  And
somewhere, deep inside him, Tuvok knew that if Harry gave it a
chance, they could be the kind of lovers that inspired poetry.
Twice, Tuvok attempted to discuss the future with Harry, and twice
Harry had instantly changed the subject.  The Vulcan made no further
efforts to change the nature of their relationship then, fearing to
pre-empt the end of their affair.

Ultimately, though, it had to end.  Was it a comment from Tom Paris
that made Harry nervous around him all of a sudden?  Had the Ensign
overheard one of the conversations the crew had frequently,
speculating on the nature of their relationship?  Tuvok would never
know, and he would never ask.

All he knew was that one night Harry kissed him gently after the sex,
and got up from the bed to shower and dress.  As he made an excuse
about having to be up early the next morning, Tuvok knew that it was
the beginning of the end and that the days of the relationship were
numbered.

It took less than a week in all.  Harry was busy, all of a sudden -
and he started leaving each night after sex.  And then one evening
he came early and suggested, as gently as only Harry could be - that
perhaps it was time to 'move on'.

Tuvok had known this moment would come since Tarmin's wedding five
long weeks ago.  He was distantly gratified to note that the slice of
pain that seemed to shred his insides made no appearance on his
expression or tone of voice.  He was stoic, matter-of-fact - almost
indifferent.  Harry seemed relieved, and perhaps even a little piqued
that Tuvok acquiesced so easily.

Tuvok wondered sometimes what the Ensign had expected of him.  A
scene, perhaps?  Tears - pleadings to stay?  Tuvok recalled some of
the more volatile relationships onboard Voyager and inwardly
shuddered.  Loss of internal control was a horrendous thing for a
Vulcan, but to become agitated or emotional in public was the ultimate
shame.

He had his dignity, at least.  His pride.  Harry would never know.
And there were five weeks of memories to recall on the evenings when
his loneliness became too much to bear.  He had lived more than a
century without Harry Kim.  Somehow he would manage to live the rest
of his life without him.

---

continued in the third story in the Simon & Garfunkel series 'Sounds of Silence'