The BLTS Archive - The Proxy
by Yvette (yvette@ecn.net.au)

---

© Sept 1998

Intro: This started off as a typically Yvette story - riddled with
inconsistencies and confusing acronyms and weighed down with
redundancies.  Only Malissa The Great, Beta-Reader of  Brilliance,
could get away with accusing me of using 'a  cliche straight out of
the worst romance novels'.  She's so nasty to me.  But if it weren't
for her, this story would be lots, lots worse.

---

Voyager's network had been at work again, and the word eventually
spread that if you wanted a 'special' program, Tom Paris was the one
to see. The product was a simple  one. Orders were limited to
'people' programs - or, more  specifically FIPP's - 'Fully Interactive
Personnel Programs'.

Tom Paris' programs were realistic. Disturbingly realistic, down to
the last hair and the most subtle nuance of the programs' characters.
The ingenious pilot had hacked into Voyagers personnel files and
integrated the information contained in exhaustive psych profiles
with the holographic matrix. Then he added a few 'extras', to enable
the Fully  Interactive Personnel Programs (FIPPs) to interact with
their owners in the way their owners clearly wanted them to.

His Chakotay program was the most requested of all. No less than
twenty-two females on the ship had their own personal Chakotay
fantasy. Only Tom Paris had the Chakotay/m fantasy program, and only
he knew that fact. That Tom would not write a 'Tom Paris' fantasy
program - either /m or /f was simple Paris tactics. His chances for
a date on Saturday night increased substantially when the only Tom
Paris available onboard Voyager was the real thing.

The scheme flourished happily for some time, customers increasing
when it became clear that Paris could be extremely discreet where
this particular venture was concerned. The holodecks were booked
solid, in use twenty-four hours a day. Holodeck One was almost
always running the Sandrine's program or the Beach program, but
Holodeck Two ran a constant series of single-user programs.

It was this fact alone that caught the attention of Security Chief
Tuvok. Several weeks of careful surveillance uncovered the Paris
scheme, and when his investigation was complete, the Security Chief
took the information to the Captain.

The interview was an interesting one. Chakotay sat in on the
discussion, and the usually unflappable First Officer was furious.
The Captain was more amused than anything else, although the fact
that Tom Paris was the culprit disappointed her. It was no surprise
to discover that there were no 'Captain Janeway' fantasies available
- at least Tom's loyalty to his Captain had stretched that far. But
when Chakotay discovered that no less than twenty-two females and one
male had their own Chakotay fantasy programs, he was understandably
upset.

Tuvok had been able to get two things. The first was a list of the
programs that had been sold, the second was the list of customers.
The only problem was that there was no list detailing which
customers had purchased which programs. Tom Paris evidently kept that
information in his head.

Tuvok was as keen as Chakotay to get his hands on that information.
There were 61 FIPPs made, but only 32 customers, meaning that some
crew members had purchased more than one of the programs.

What was intriguing about the information he already had was the type
and amount of orders out there. For example, there appeared to be no
Harry Kim FIPPs and no Tom Paris  FIPPs. The 61 Fully Interactive
Personnel Programs included 7 Emergency Medical Hologram FIPPs, 7 Kes
FIPPs, 3 Neelix FIPPs and 12 Torres FIPPs.

And 1 Tuvok FIPP.

---

Harry Kim waited at his station with an ever increasing feeling of
dread. He wanted to be back home on Earth. He wanted to be in
sickbay, preferably with some major disease that would keep him
incommunicado for months. He wanted to be anywhere but on the bridge
of Voyager, waiting to be called in to give a full account of his
purchase of a FIPP to the Captain, Chakotay and Tuvok.

After much deliberation, the Captain had decided to allow the
non-commissioned crew members involved to hand their FIPP disks in
without having to admit who the subject of the program was. The
disks were destroyed, and the crew members who had purchased them
were punished. It was decided that the officers involved, all six of
them, would have to make a clean breast of it, though.

Harry Kim was last on the list. Tom had gone in first, and had come
out an hour later looking pale and upset.  The last of the other
officers was now exiting the Captain's ready room, and Tuvok was
motioning the young Ensign to enter.

Desperately praying for a sudden problem with the ship's systems, or
an alien attack, or *anything* that would prevent him having to do
this, Harry entered the ready room and  stood to attention before the
Captain. Chakotay was seated to the Captain's right, and Tuvok took
position behind Harry, standing near the door.

This was, without doubt, the worst moment of his life. The Captain
spoke.

"Mr. Kim, I understand you were one of Tom's customers?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you purchased one program only?" That much was pretty clear.
Harry was the last person on the customer list to be interviewed,
and 60 of the 61 FIPPs had been retrieved and destroyed.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I would like you to tell us how much you paid Mr. Paris for the
program, and who the subject was. And you can hand in the disk now,
please."

Harry swallowed, desperately trying to get rid of the giant lump in
his throat. He couldn't answer this. Not in front of Tuvok.
Somehow he managed to find his voice.

"I paid Tom two weeks worth of replicator rations for it, Captain."

The Captain waited. When it became clear that that was all the
information Harry was going to give, she began to look annoyed.

"Who was the subject of the program, Ensign?"

The sheer misery of his situation showed clearly in Harry's eyes as
he gave the only answer he could.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I can't answer that."

The Captain looked more than annoyed - she looked angry. Chakotay
looked more curious than anything.

"Ensign Kim, either you tell me who the subject of the FIPP you
purchased is, or you will spend the night in the brig, Mister." Her
tone was serious.

Harry continued to stare straight at the wall over the Captain's
head.

"I'm sorry, Captain."

Captain Janeway stared for a long moment at her recalcitrant Ops
officer, and shook her head.

"Mr. Kim - I *will* get an answer from you about this. You're only
making things worse by not being truthful now. Perhaps a night in the
brig will jog your memory. Tuvok, have Ensign Kim taken to the brig."

Harry nodded, and turned to go. The Captain spoke once more before
he left.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Harry."

Harry could only bow his head in shame and follow Tuvok out the door.

---

When Tuvok returned to the ready room, Chakotay spoke up.

"I can't believe this of Harry. It's bad enough that he bought the
thing in the first place, but why is he so determined not to give
away the identity of the subject?"

The Captain shook her head, clearly perplexed.

"None of the other officers had any problems telling us who the
subject was. I was sure it was you, Chakotay!"  She grinned
ruefully, remembering the fury on Chakotay's face when Tom Paris
admitted to owing the only Chakotay/m FIPP.

Tuvok spoke up. "I believe it was a mistake to allow the
non-commissioned crew members to destroy the FIPPs without having to
admit who they were. It is impossible to tell which crew members had
which programs.

The Captain nodded. "It seemed like the easiest way to deal with the
situation. I didn't want to get into a situation where 'black
market' disks are floating around the ship. If the list became
public knowledge I think we would have had some serious disciplinary
problems."

The Captain had punished Tom pretty severely for his involvement in
this operation. The pilot would be pulling an extra shift for the
next six months in sickbay, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"I just can't understand why Harry couldn't tell us. We know that
Paris didn't make any FIPPs of you, and he owned the only one of me,
so it obviously wasn't because he thought he'd be embarrassing us.
Do you think it was a Torres program?," Chakotay asked.

Tuvok had also found Harry's reticence surprising. "Given his
friendship with Ms. Torres, I believe that to be a distinct
possibility. Irrespective, Mr. Kim will have to eventually give up
the name of the subject - he surely cannot expect to remain the rest
of the voyage in the brig."

---

Several decks away, Harry Kim sat down on the padded bench inside one
of the cells in the brig. He ignored Ayala's serious gaze on him
after the security officer had left, and pulled up his feet on the
couch, crossing his arms on top of his knees to provide a headrest.
What a nightmare.

He'd known about the holodeck programs from day one, of course. He
and Tom were too close for Tom to keep something that big from him.
Tom had offered to make him one, and at first, Harry had declined.
But several sleepless  nights later, he'd turned up at Tom's quarters
late, and asked his best friend to make him a program of Tuvok.

To say that Tom had been surprised would be an understatement. But
the friends had talked it over, and Tom began to understand how Harry
felt about the unemotional Security Chief. So a week later, Harry
found a small round  disc in the top drawer of the desk in his
quarters, simply labelled, "T".

It was more real than even Harry had imagined. Every mannerism,
every expression - spot on. The program didn't make the usual
mistakes most programs did, by making the subject appear perfect.
Instead Tom had included Tuvok's every annoying characteristic. The
holographic image was pedantic, anti-social, impatient of human
'weaknesses' - in  short, he was Tuvok.

Now, sitting alone in his cell in the brig, Harry regretted every
second he'd had the holographic program. He'd used it four times
only, and the most intimate he'd been with it was a kiss on the
cheek. There was no way he could have sex with his holographic
Tuvok, like most of the rest of the crew were doing with their
programs. He would feel like he was betraying Tuvok if he ever so
much as removed an item of clothing. So they'd talked. Played
Kal-toh, chatted about families, and ship's business and the future.
Harry and the real Tuvok spent time doing these things too, but it
was always too brief. They were always in public, and there were
always interruptions. This way, Harry could have Tuvok to himself
for a couple of hours, in the privacy of a simulation of Harry's
quarters. The holographic Tuvok had allowed the kiss on the cheek,
simply raising an eyebrow in query when Harry had done it. Harry had
ended the program there and then, wanting to keep that so typical
Tuvok image in his head.

The worst of it was that this had become a security matter. Harry
would have come clean to the Captain and Chakotay - he felt terrible
disobeying her like this. But he couldn't admit it, knowing that
Tuvok would find out. God, what a nightmare!

Harry passed a fitful night, sleeping in his uniform on the
uncomfortably thin couch. The following morning  Michaelson delivered
his breakfast from the mess hall with a grin, and as they chatted
while Harry ate, Harry discovered that the already bad situation had
just gotten worse.

---

The Captain was also less than impressed to discover the entire crew
agog with the news that Harry Kim had been confined to the brig for
refusing to tell the Captain the identity of the holodeck program
he'd purchased. Not unnaturally, most crew members had a theory as
to whom the subject was. B'Elanna Torres was the most likely
candidate, it was decided. The crew weren't privy to the
conversation that had taken place in the Captain's ready room, so
Chakotay was placed second on the list of likely  possibilities.

Tom Paris wasn't on the bridge. He had been confined to quarters for
one week, without any replicator privileges at all. It would take him
nearly a year on severely reduced replicator rations after that to
pay off the entire amount he'd made off the programs. It was a stiff
punishment. He'd  apologized to the Captain, but it would take some
time before she would forgive him for this.

Now all of the programs bar one had been destroyed. The one
remaining was Harry's. A thorough search of his quarters whilst he'd
been in the brig had not produced the disk, so after Harry was given
half an hour in his quarters to shower and change, he was escorted to
the Captain's ready room.

It was a fruitless discussion. This time Chakotay didn't sit in,
just the Captain and the Chief of Security. Once again, Harry
refused to tell them who the subject of his FIPP was. It was clear
that he hated doing it, the anguish in his eyes evidence enough of
that. But the Captain was adamant. Until Harry gave up the
information she required, he would stay in the brig.

After Harry was escorted back to the brig, the Captain considered her
options. Finding out who the object of Harry's fantasies was wasn't
important at all, it was the fact that he was disobeying orders by
not giving the information that was worrying. Clearly this was
tearing the young man apart, but for whatever personal reasons, he
continued to refuse to talk.

---

The siege lasted two long days. Tom Paris remained confined to
quarters, Harry Kim remained in the brig, and the ship continued to
place bets on who he was protecting. All of the crew members who had
purchased the holodeck programs were getting used to the extra duty
and reduced rations that would continue for several months to come.
The Captain worried about Harry, and Voyager continued her journey.

Tuvok could not let it go. He had known Harry Kim for more than a
year, and in that time had come to respect the junior officer. Harry
had enormous potential as a Starfleet officer, and had displayed
integrity and personal discipline far beyond his years. Of all the
humans onboard Voyager, Harry was the one Tuvok felt the most
comfortable with. Captain Janeway would always be his superior
officer, no matter how close their friendship. Harry was open and
friendly, eager to learn and an intelligent and thoughtful companion.
It made his recent behaviour that much harder to understand.

Tuvok had been against allowing the crew members to destroy their
FIPPs without revealing the identities of the subjects involved.
Somewhere out there, a crew member had owned a Tuvok program, and
that thought was most disturbing. There were several crew members
who immediately came to mind when Tuvok considered who was most
likely to want an interactive holographic program of Voyager's
Security Chief. Ensign Powers had displayed all signs of an
embarrassingly emotional 'crush' on Tuvok for some months before
Chakotay had been forced to move her to another shift so that she
would have less interaction with the Vulcan. Crewman Lthg and
Lieutenant Cremorne had both expressed a desire to 'date' Tuvok
several times in the past year. And then there were crew members
like Dalby, who would love to have their own Tuvok to abuse.

It seemed clear that he would never know for sure who had owned the
Tuvok FIPP, and so Tuvok turned his attention to Harry Kim. If
Tuvok had possessed more of an insight into human behaviour it
wouldn't have taken him three and a half hours to come up with the
reason behind Harry's unusual behaviour. The answer seemed so
obvious when arrived at through cold hard logic.

For several long moments Tuvok concentrated on working through the
immense wave of anger that possessed him at the thought of Harry Kim
using him in this way. The idea of  being naked, probably emotional
and completely at Harry's  mercy was enough to make him furious.

When Tuvok stalked into the brig after midnight it was clear that
there was something on his mind. Tuvok had regained his usual
composure, but Harry could see the anger in the Vulcan's eyes from
his cell.

Tuvok ordered the night guard to wait outside, and was silent until
she had left the room. Harry rose from the couch  and went to stand
in front of Tuvok, almost overwhelmed with a feeling of dread.

"Was I the subject of the personnel program?" Tuvok's voice was icy.

Harry went hot and cold all at once, shame and guilt warring
together. He could only nod.

Tuvok stared at him for several long moments, then turned and strode
out of the brig. Harry stood staring after him, dry-eyed. It had
been Tuvok's friendship that had given Harry hope for the future,
and helped him cope with his loneliness and the grief he felt being
separated from his family. And now he had destroyed that utterly.
Tuvok would probably never speak to him again.

---

Harry was escorted to the Captain's ready room again the following
day. After showering in his quarters, he'd removed the carefully
hidden disk from its hiding place behind the control panel outside
his door and had taken it with him. The Captain picked up the disk
that Harry placed on her desk and looked at it curiously. Today
there was only Harry and the Captain in her ready room.

"Sit down, Mr. Kim."

Harry sat, looking as miserable as he felt.

Captain Janeway held the disk up.

"Would you like to tell me who this is?"

Harry was momentarily surprised out of his depression.

"You mean Tuvok didn't tell you?"

"I haven't seen Tuvok this morning. So you decided to tell him who
it was?"

"It was him."

Still, the Captain didn't seem to get it.

"Who?"

"It was Tuvok, Captain. I asked Tom to make me a FIPP of Tuvok. I'm
sorry."

It was the Captain's turn to be surprised, but only for a few
moments. She stared at Harry thoughtfully, considering his choice.
It made sense when you knew the answer. Aside from Tom and B'Elanna,
Tuvok was the one Harry spent most of his time with. And of all the
crew members onboard Voyager, Harry appeared to be the only one Tuvok
actively sought out to spend his leisure time with. But Harry had
said...

"Tuvok knows, then?" It explained why Harry couldn't tell them
before, and why he was looking so wretched now as he nodded in answer
to her question. Tuvok would never forgive this. God only knew what
it would do for the bridge dynamics.

Captain Janeway sighed. "All right, Harry - you can have the same
punishment everyone else got. Reduced rations for three months, and
you can do an extra five hours of work each week in deuterium
maintenance."

Harry nodded miserably. "Aye, Captain."

"Dismissed."

After Harry left, Captain Janeway fingered the disk thoughtfully.
Harry Kim was no voyeur, and certainly not the type to use an image
of another crew member for sex. There was something more here. After
a few moments, she made up her mind, and keyed in a command on the
panel in front of her. Scarcely moments later, Tuvok entered the
ready room in reply to her summons.

"Captain?"

"This is the disk Tom made for Harry, Tuvok. I understand you know
who the subject is?"

Tuvok was, if anything, even more expressionless than usual.

"Yes, Captain."

Captain Janeway held it out to him.

"I don't know how Harry used it, Tuvok. But I don't think he's the
type to abuse you in any fashion. I suggest you have a look at it
before you completely discount his friendship."

Tuvok hesitated, his eyes on the disk. Silently, he reached out and
took it from his Captain. Uncharacteristically, he did not wait for
dismissal before leaving the ready room.

---

A month later things seemed back to normal. The gossip about the
FIPPs had died down eventually, replaced by the juicy items
concerning Voyager's First Officer and pilot. How Tom and Chakotay
had gotten together after this was anyone's guess, but the volatile
pair certainly fed the rumour mill with their unpredictable
relationship.

Harry Kim had changed somewhere along the way. He was still the same
friendly Ensign, dedicated and efficient, and he still spent his off
duty hours hanging out with Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres. Very few
crew members noted that he no longer spent time with Tuvok. The
Vulcan himself had cut off all social activities - refusing to
participate unless ordered by the Captain.

Tom Paris worried about Harry. He could see the difference in his
friend and regretted writing the program for him. There had been no
other major repercussions with other crew members, but he should have
avoided this particular customer. Harry was in love with Tuvok, after
all.

Tuvok had not spoken a word to Harry that wasn't work related after
that night in the brig. Tuvok never looked angry, never obviously
avoided the Ensign, he just looked straight through Harry like he
didn't exist. Harry accepted the punishment as his due, and spent
most nights just lying in bed for hours before sleep claimed him,
thinking about what he'd lost.

Matters finally came to a pass when Harry turned down his fourth
invitation in the same week. Tom was getting to the stage where
frustration with his friend was overcoming sympathy. Harry appeared
to have decided that if he couldn't have Tuvok, he wouldn't have
anyone, and Tom knew him well enough to know that the normally
friendly, social young Ensign needed someone. He had a lot to give,
and he deserved someone to cherish him. All of Tom's attempts to set
Harry up with another crew member had met with failure, until finally
the pilot decided to have a crack at Tuvok.

Tuvok looked up as Tom Paris sat down opposite him at his table in
one corner of the mess hall. The pilot ignored the PADD in Tuvok's
hand, and the frown at his interruption, and began talking without
preamble.

"He wouldn't let me make any other FIPPs of you, you  know."

The frown deepened, and Tuvok began to look very annoyed.

"Mr. Paris..."

Tom continued as if he had not been interrupted.

"I had a stack of requests for you, Tuvok. Ensign Powers - no
surprise there - Crewman Lthg, Jeff Cremorne, Sue Nicoletti... they
all wanted their own Tuvok. Harry wouldn't let me. He offered to pay
me anything it took to make his the only version of you. He didn't
want you being put in that position."

"Instead he put me in that position himself." Tuvok's voice was
glacial.

Tom looked at him steadily.

"I don't know what Harry did with the program, Tuvok, and now that
the things are destroyed, I guess we'll never know. But I do know
Harry. I've never met anyone with more integrity in my life. Maybe
you should think about why Harry purchased it in the first place. It
sure as hell wasn't to get some cheap thrill, Tuvok."

Tuvok's mouth thinned dangerously at Tom's words, but he did not
reply.

Tom rose to leave.

"Just think about it, Tuvok."

---

Tom had been mistaken - the disks weren't all destroyed. Back in his
quarters at the end of his shift that same day, Tuvok took the tiny
disk out of his desk drawer and pocketed it. He had blocked off a
substantial amount of holodeck time - something that was a lot easier
to do these days when so many crew members had had their private
holodeck time revoked.

He wasn't surprised when the simulation began in Harry  Kim's
quarters. The privacy lock was automatically engaged, and Tuvok
could feel his ire rise as he watched the FIPP of himself enter
Harry's quarters. Tuvok had programmed a holographic Harry to
interact with the scenarios already on the disk, so he would get an
accurate account of exactly what Harry had done to his holographic
image.

Expecting the holographic Harry and Tuvok to embrace, or at least
head for the bedroom, Tuvok was taken aback when Harry chatted to the
holographic Tuvok about his bridge duties, and the two men sat down
at the table in the main room, and activated an obviously ongoing
game of Kal-toh. He watched, perplexed, as the two characters talked
and played the Vulcan game.  The Tuvok character gave advice on how
to play the game, and the conversation moved from the game to an away
team mission, the problems with the lateral sensors, gradually
leading into a rather intense discussion of the customs of a race
they had encountered some months previously. Tuvok watched as the
two characters had the sort of interaction their real counterparts
had so frequently in real life.

Tuvok fast forwarded the images, waiting for the moment when the two
would become intimate, waiting for the betrayal he was sure would
come. It never came. The Vulcan sped through the other three
scenarios on the disk, unable to understand. Harry could have had
this with him in real life - what was the point of going to this
incredible risk to simulate something he could have for real?

The kiss came at the end of the last simulation. The characters had
eaten dinner and chatted in triple quick time before Tuvok's eyes,
and he almost missed it. He played  back the last moments again.
There it was - Harry walked Tuvok to the door, and shyly leaned over
and kissed the Vulcan on the cheek. Tuvok's holographic image simply
raised one eyebrow inquiringly, and the simulation ended at that
point.

Tuvok played back that moment several more times, unable to find
answers for the questions that the disk had bought up. More
difficult still was the task of sorting out his own reactions to the
scenario. There was a definite feeling of anti-climax when the
scenario had ended after just one kiss. Tuvok analysed that feeling
thoroughly, disseminated it, and filed the separate parts neatly in
their places. Finally, he shut down the simulation altogether, and
exited the holodeck, pocketing the disk on the way out.

---

When Harry answered the door, it was clear to see that the last
person he expected to see was Tuvok. The Ensign blushed bright red,
and stammered an invitation to enter.  He was obviously nervous and
embarrassed, but Tuvok ignored the human emotions - intent on getting
answers.

The Vulcan took the disk from his pocket and held it up so that Harry
could see what it was.

"I played the simulations on this disk this evening, Ensign Kim."

Harry stared with dismay at the disk. Was this nightmare never going
to end?

"I don't know what to say, Tuvok. I am *so* sorry. I should never
have done it and I know..."

Tuvok interrupted. "I do not understand. The majority of the
simulations were of the type of social interaction we were already
undertaking. Why would you simulate something you already had in
reality?"

There was always the possibility that Harry was taking his time
building up to a sexual relationship with the holographic Tuvok - the
kiss seemed to point in that direction. But Tuvok wanted confirmation.

Harry sighed, motioning Tuvok to sit on the chair and taking a seat
on the couch himself. He'd already lost Tuvok's friendship, might as
well come clean.

"I know we did, Tuvok - but it was always so short! You'd be called
away somewhere, and I kept having to come up with excuses to spend
time with you. This way..." here Harry looked down at the floor,
unable to look at Tuvok while saying it, "... this way I could be with
you when I wanted to.  And we could have an entire meal together,
maybe spend an hour or two talking. That's all, Tuvok."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow cynically.

"I watched the entire disk, Ensign."

Harry flushed again, having forgotten the kiss until that moment. "I
did want to have something more between us," he admitted, "but that's
all it would have been, Tuvok - I  would never have gone further than
that, I swear!"

This time he met Tuvok's eyes and the Vulcan was left in no doubt of
his sincerity. Harry Kim was in love with him.

Tuvok was silent for a long time. That Harry didn't attempt to fill
the silence with further explanations was another reminder of how
well the younger man knew him.

Finally, the Vulcan spoke.

"Why were you not honest with me?"

Harry smiled ruefully.

"I didn't want to lose your friendship, Tuvok. Kind of stupid, huh?
I ended up losing that anyway."

He looked up again to find Tuvok looking at him steadily, apparently
pondering the motivation behind Harry's actions.

"You wished for a sexual relationship between us." It was more of a
flat statement than a question.

It was Harry's turn to pause before answering. He felt like every
private thought he'd ever had was being stripped bare and ruthlessly
examined by the very object of his thoughts.

His voice was low, but loud enough for Tuvok to hear clearly.

"I love you, Tuvok. I wanted you to love me back."

There was no answer from Tuvok and Harry couldn't bring himself to
look. He rose suddenly, unable to sit under this interrogation,
jammed his hands in his pockets and spoke again, still not looking at
Tuvok.

"I'm sorry, Tuvok. My feelings aren't your responsibility, and
getting the holodeck program was the most stupid thing I've ever
done. I just... wanted to be with you."

Harry listened numbly as Tuvok rose from his chair and walked over to
the door. So much for the truth setting you  free. "We did not
conclude our last game of Kal-toh. If you are free, we could continue
it at 1930 hours tomorrow  evening. I will be in my quarters."

Without waiting for acknowledgment, Tuvok left.

---

"Whoa - Harry, way to go!" Tom was jubilant at his friend's news.

Harry picked at the unappetizing food on his plate and glanced around
to make sure that Tuvok hadn't entered the mess hall while he and Tom
were having dinner.

"It's not a date, Tom. It's just a resumption of our friendship,
that's all. I'm glad we're speaking again - I hated it when we
weren't even talking."

Tom frowned.

"What do you mean, Har? It's obvious - he wants to start something
with you. He heard you out, he knows how you feel, and then the
first thing he did was ask you over *to his  quarters*. He wants more
than a Kal-toh partner, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes in frustration at Tom's obtuseness.

"Tom - there is no way in hell I'm going to risk this again. If he'd
wanted something more he would have said. No, Tuvok and I are going
to get back to where we were before, and believe me - I couldn't ask
for anything more. This is  enough."

Tom looked scornful.

"So what does that mean? You're going to date other people? Gonna
try and have a life, finally?"

Harry ignored the jibe, concentrating on his lunch with a mulish
expression on his face that Tom was very familiar with.

The pilot gave a short, disbelieving laugh.

"Yeah, right. So you give up your whole life in order to spend a
couple of hours a week playing Kal-toh with a man who knows you're
in love with him, and doesn't care. Well, that's healthy."

Harry looked up at his friend, eyes blazing with anger.

"Screw you, Tom. You have no idea what you're talking about. I
don't *want* anyone besides Tuvok and I'm not going to start using
someone else as a substitute. God, you're such an asshole,
sometimes!"

Tom looked completely taken aback at Harry's rather vicious reply.
It was so unlike the normally friendly Ensign. He held up his hands
apologetically.

"Hey - I'm sorry, Harry. I'm just worried about you, that's all. You
don't have to date anyone else, and I'll just shut up about you and
Tuvok, okay?"

Harry sighed.

"Okay - I'm sorry I flew off the deep end. You just don't understand,
though, Tom. For a while there I was looking  forward to 70 years of
Tuvok pretending I didn't exist. I'm  just so *relieved* that he seems
to have forgiven me. I'd take anything, Tom - if conversation and the
occasional game of Kal-toh is all he has to give me, then I'm grateful
for that. It's a hell of a lot more than I had 24 hours ago!"

Tom looked at him sympathetically.

"Well - ah... have a good game. I guess."

Harry smiled.

"Thanks, Tom."

---

Harry turned up exactly on time to Tuvok's quarters for their Kal-toh
game. He was still wearing his uniform, not wanting to give Tuvok
any indication that he was taking advantage of the Vulcan's
forgiveness by turning this into a date. He was distracted from the
word go, though. As the two men settled down to continue their game,
Harry kept thinking back to the argument in the mess hall.

"Ensign. That is the second time this evening you have attempted to
place the K'hotar in its original position. Is something on your
mind?" Harry looked up, surprised.

"I'm sorry, Tuvok. I guess I am a little distracted. I had an
argument with Tom earlier in the mess hall."

Tuvok leaned over and pressed a button on the side of the Kal-toh
board. The game disappeared from view and the Vulcan sat back in his
chair.

"I had thought that you and Mr. Paris were close friends."

Harry sat back in his own chair, looking confused.

"We are. It's okay now, we made up, but it was weird. For a second
I was really angry with him. I mean, most of the time we're totally
in sync with each other, but today it was like we didn't even speak
the same language."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow interrogatively and Harry flushed under his
regard, recalling suddenly how the fight had begun.

"It's not really important, Tuvok."

"It is clearly important to you. Did the argument have something to
do with me?"

Harry blushed harder, not knowing how Tuvok had come to that
conclusion, but unwilling to lie to him. He shook his head.

"I'd really rather not say, Tuvok."

Then Tuvok did something that shocked the hell out of him. The Vulcan
reached over and brushed back the recalcitrant lock of hair that had
fallen over Harry's brow.

"I would like to hear about it."

Harry took a deep breath, consciously trying to get his thoughts
together. Had he imagined that gentle touch?

"I told Tom about tonight, and he thought it was a date. I told him
we were just resuming our friendship, and he... well, he's been
at me to get out more, start  dating. So he said some stuff about me
wasting my life, and I got mad." There was silence from Tuvok and
Harry thought for a moment before the answer came to him. "You heard
about it."

Tuvok nodded.

"Mr. Neelix felt it necessary to give me a verbatim account of the
incident."

Harry felt relieved and betrayed all at once.

"Why didn't you say so?"

"It is none my business. Unless you would like to make it so."

Harry looked at Tuvok then, confusion showing clearly on his face.
Tuvok seemed to be saying so much more than the words suggested.
The argument with Tom was forgotten for the moment as Harry gazed at
the man he loved.

"Tuvok..." He didn't know how to ask.

The Vulcan did not answer verbally. Instead, he raised a hand once
again, only this time his two index fingers joined and traced a line
gently down Harry's face. Harry sat transfixed, completely
speechless. None of the fantasies he had ever had about Tuvok had
been as real or as wonderful as the real thing. It wasn't until
Tuvok spoke that Harry realised he had forgotten to breathe.

"Harry." It was the first time Tuvok had said his name.

Harry took a large breath and found himself dizzy - both from lack of
oxygen and excitement. He felt about sixteen  years old and on the
verge of losing his virginity - simultaneously thrilled and
terrified.

Tuvok rose from his chair and held out a hand to assist Harry up from
his chair. Harry's knees were suddenly weak - the only hard thing on
his body was his cock

And as Tuvok leaned forward to kiss him Harry thought his heart would
burst with the joy of it. Their mouths touched and every thought
was, "Tuvok is kissing me!!" until Harry opened his mouth and Tuvok's
tongue gained entry. Then they were *really* kissing - Tuvok's hands
in his hair, holding his head at the angle he wanted it and Harry was
doing nothing but wrapping his arms around Tuvok and putting
everything he had into the kiss. The taste of Tuvok was
indescribable but intoxicating - the heat of his mouth startling but
addictive. In his dreams Harry had run his hands over Tuvok's body
at this moment, tracing the hard muscles, even cupping the firm ass -
but in reality there was nothing more than the bliss of Tuvok's mouth
on his, Tuvok's tongue mating with his and Tuvok's hands in Harry's
hair. He was high.

Finally, Tuvok left his mouth alone and pulled back, smiling slightly
at the sight of Harry, swollen mouth open and panting as though
wanting to be doing what it was doing seconds ago, eyes so dilated
none of the brown showed, hair mussed by Tuvok's hands. Harry was
clearly in no condition to continue their discussion and firm
handling was obviously required. Tuvok took Harry by the hand and
led him into the bedroom. Harry would have followed him into hell.

---

Several hours later Harry awoke to find himself naked and in Tuvok's
bed. He had hazy memories of being washed clean following two of the
most intense orgasms of his life, and the pleasant ache of his ass
reminded him of the delicious feeling of being possessed by Tuvok
some time earlier. There was no doubt in Harry's mind that Tuvok
would be his last lover. No-one had ever taken him close to the
bliss that was being with Tuvok, and there was no feeling quite like
waking up in the arms of someone you loved who made you feel
cherished and completely secure all at the same time.

Harry raised his head from Tuvok's chest to find the Vulcan watching
him. He smiled for the sake of smiling and saw the answering smile
in Tuvok's eyes. Tuvok raised one hand, carded long fingers through
Harry's hair, and gently guided  his head back to its place on his
chest.

Harry sighed, happily.

"I am such an idiot, Tuvok. Tom was just concerned about me and I
was scared of losing you again so I lashed out at him," he said
regretfully.

"I will never cease to be amazed at the Human capacity for verbal
conflict of this nature. It serves no purpose."

"It makes us feel better at the time."

Tuvok's voice was dry. "A brief period of self-satisfaction followed
by hours of remorse. Completely illogical."

Tuvok's left nipple was temptingly close to Harry's mouth and Harry
kissed it absently.

"He's such a mother hen sometimes. He'll probably accuse you of
using me for a one night stand or something."

Tuvok raised one eyebrow in a familiar fashion.

"Vulcans do not have one night stands, Ensign Kim."

Harry laughed gently.

"Ah huh. So, I guess you're only going to call me Harry when we're
about to have sex, huh? I could get used to that."

Tuvok appeared to consider that a reasonable suggestion.

"The Vulcan capacity for sensual indulgence is considerably in excess
of its Human counterpart, Mr. Kim."

Harry thought about that one for a moment.

"Are you saying Vulcans have a more active libido, Tuvok?"

"Indeed. Harry."

There were more words from both men over the next hour, but nothing
that could be construed even in the most generous sense as
conversation.

---

Chakotay answered the door to his quarters when Harry buzzed. He was
dressed in his uniform, and obviously on his way to work. He didn't
look surprised to see Harry  standing there, simply calling to Tom to
come to the door before ducking out himself and heading for the his
duty shift on the bridge.

Harry waited for Tom to appear. It was his day off, and as he and
Tom generally always spent their days off together, he knew that Tom
was rostered off today, too.

Finally Tom came to the door, obviously just out of the shower. He
was wearing one of Chakotay's robes and was rubbing a towel over his
wet hair. "So, what's on for today, Har? I've got this great skiing
program for the  holodeck..."

"Tom - neither of us are even *allowed* on the holodeck for the next
two months, remember? I guess it'll have to be a workout in the gym
and lunch in the mess hall."

Tom tossed the towel away, leaving his hair standing up in weird
looking tufts all over his head. He chucked off the robe and headed
for the bedroom, continuing the argument about whether or not they
could get away with sneaking in to the holodeck.

Harry made himself comfortable in the main room as he had always done
so and argued back happily.

When Tom was dressed he came back into the main room and was serious
for a moment.

"Har - I really *am* sorry about what I said about you and Tuvok. I
know how much he means to you, and if you're happy just being his
friend, well - I'll support that."

Harry laughed out loud.

"Actually, Tom, there's something I have to tell you..."

---

The End