The BLTS Archive - Tangled Web: The Ugly by Yvette (yvette@ecn.net.au) --- As Harry walked through the door, Tuvok was galvanized into action. He rose and followed Harry through the door. He spoke before Harry could reach the turbolift. "Harry." Harry turned to face him, but didn't come closer. Tuvok swallowed, saying, "Harry - please. Do not leave this way. We need to talk." Harry noted the stiff posture and the impassive expression, but could see beyond that to the pleading in Tuvok's eyes. Tuvok's training wouldn't allow the request to appear in his voice, or on his face - but it was there in his eyes for Harry to see. That Tuvok would make this sacrifice for him moved Harry terribly. He walked towards the Vulcan, meeting him halfway along the corridor, between the turbolift and Tuvok's quarters. Tuvok just gazed at him for a long moment, and then stepped aside, gesturing Harry to precede him into his quarters. It wasn't the body language that convinced Harry, though - but the softly spoken words. "Please, Harry" Harry entered Tuvok's quarters once again, followed by Tuvok. For the first time that night, he noted the preparations Tuvok had made for their evening, and a pleased smile appeared on his features. Tuvok was really making a major effort for him. The Vulcan gestured for Harry to sit on the couch, and then joined him. Time to come clean. "Harry - I was wrong to engage Lieutenant Paris in a relationship. And I was wrong not to tell you about it. I am sorry, Harry." Harry's face showed his confusion. "Why, Tuvok? Why Tom, of all people?" Tuvok sighed, and thought about his answer. "It seemed like a logical choice at the time, Harry. I planned to be with you, but I had no experience of having a relationship with a human. Mr. Paris was offering a chance to remedy that - 'without strings' is the expression, I believe." Harry nodded thoughtfully. Tuvok hadn't felt it necessary to point out that Tom had approached him, that much was obvious. "You didn't know how Tom felt about you." It was a statement more than a question, as Harry already knew the answer. Poor Tom! Tuvok shook his head. "He engaged in sexual contact with other partners while we were together. There was never any suggestion of a permanent relationship. I made it clear to him from the start that I intended to approach you." It was Harry's turn to sigh as he pondered the events of the past few months. The signs had been there - he'd just never considered Tom and Tuvok to be a likely couple. Who would? Harry could see the attraction, though. He knew Tom well enough to know that Tom yearned for security, safety, stability. In retrospect, it was obvious that Tom might consider Tuvok to be the most likely person to give him those things. Tuvok waited silently on the couch, watching the expressions play across Harry's face as he thought this through. He had never yearned for anything as much as he yearned to be with Harry, and if he had destroyed his chance of being with Harry through this. . . he didn't want to finish that thought. Life on Voyager was lonely enough without considering that. Harry turned to Tuvok, finally. "I don't understand one thing, Tuvok. What was it you were so unsure of, that you thought Tom could teach you?" Surely that wasn't embarrassment that flooded Tuvok's normally expressionless features? Harry almost smiled at the quickly disappearing emotion that had appeared so briefly on Tuvok's face. He caught himself in time, not wanting Tuvok to feel even more ashamed than he did already. "I have only ever had one lover, Harry. A Vulcan woman, my wife - who was also a virgin when we married. Our bond had been satisfactory, but it was not the mating of two people in love. I wanted to have that - with you. I was worried that my lack of experience in that area would . . ." Here Tuvok paused, not knowing how to finish the sentence in a way that wouldn't insult his prospective bondmate. Too late. Harry looked pissed. "You thought I was so shallow I would dump you if you weren't some Casanova in bed? Great, Tuvok! Nice opinion you have of me!" Tuvok closed his eyes in regret. Would there be an end to the errors he had made? "I apologize, Harry. I have not had extensive experience with humans - I thought perhaps you would reconsider a relationship with me if you were not satisfied sexually." Not surprisingly, Harry felt a surge of heat throughout his body at Tuvok's matter-of-fact statement. He couldn't really blame Tuvok for making such a stupid mistake - the best thing to do would be to go from here. No matter which way he went, Harry knew Tuvok would never return to Tom, so it wasn't a matter of taking something from his friend. Rather it seemed a question of making things right. Tuvok was shocked out of his mild depression by the appearance on his chest of Harry's hand. A hand that was unclipping the top of his uniform and sliding inside to stroke his chest. Immediately a surge of arousal flooded his body, and Tuvok reached up to stroke Harry's face, carding his hair and applying a light pressure - enough for Harry to lean forward towards him so that their mouths could meet. Pleasure and relief made Tuvok light-headed as he and Harry kissed further, and he felt himself being pushed back on the couch so that Harry could lie on top of him. The kisses deepened, and the pleasure both men felt in the intimate contact was evidenced by two hard and throbbing erections that were rubbed against each other. When the barriers of clothes became too much, Harry pulled away from Tuvok's mouth and rose from the couch. Tuvok remained lying on the couch, watching him as he stripped quickly. Harry then reached down for Tuvok, pulling him upright off the couch to stand in front of him, and Tuvok's disrobing commenced. This was different, though, because Harry seemed intent on checking every difference and similarity between them. Nipples were licked and pinched briefly when the chest was revealed, the thin line of hair pointing to Tuvok's aroused cock was brushed with exploring fingers, thighs were traced as the jumpsuit was peeled away from the highly aroused body. Tuvok was happy to let Harry explore for a while, but soon his own need to touch the younger man overcame his brief shyness. He took Harry by the hand and led him into the bedroom. The two kissed again then for a long time, finally ending up on the bed. It was too late then for either to concentrate on impressing the other - both were far too aroused. It was only moments then before they both came, thrusting against each other. Their lovemaking was a clumsy, hurried affair, but neither would have had it any other way. Harry and Tuvok held each other long into the night, chatting quietly, making plans for the future. It wasn't until Chakotay came to see them in the morning that Harry thought to wonder how Tom was. --- It had taken Tom less than ten minutes to disable the computer safety program in his quarters. He knew Harry would come and see him, and being beamed directly to sickbay by the computer wouldn't help his plans any. Harry could never resist rescuing Tom - and his guilt at Tom's actions would no doubt separate he and Tuvok forever. All Tom could think about was Harry and Tuvok - the happiness he knew they could have together. It wasn't that he begrudged Harry happiness, he just wanted Tuvok for himself. Harry could be happy with anyone - Tuvok was the only person likely to make Tom happy. Harry would understand. The first cut was always the hardest. Lengthwise along his left wrist, the thin replicated blade slicing through the skin almost painlessly. Tom sat slumped on the floor of the bathroom, watching as the blood welled and began to flow from the deep incision. Two or three more to make it seem like a serious attempt. The deep slices in his legs were more for effect than anything else - although they too, bled deeply. He had his comm badge on, and could always call for an emergency beam out if Harry didn't show up in time. The razor was placed on the floor beside him as Tom watched the blood flow onto the floor and thought about the last time he'd done this. At seventeen, it seemed like the world was a place full of pain and loneliness, certainly not worth the effort of living. He had been right then, too. Should've done the job properly the first time. Tom began to feel the familiar dizziness as the blood continued to flow. It was all over the floor now. He was covered in it. In the distance, he heard the door chime and automatically struggled to his feet to answer it. The floor was slippery with his blood, and Tom felt the sharp pain on the back of his skull as he slipped and fell, hitting his head on the edge of the basin. He slumped, unconscious, to the floor. The doorbell rang again, twice, but he was unable to answer it. --- Tom's funeral was pretty well attended, given that he wasn't particularly close to anyone on board except Harry. Captain Janeway gave a moving eulogy, her pale features the only evidence of the deep grief she was feeling. Chakotay hadn't spoken much since coming to inform Tuvok of Tom's suicide the next day. Finding Harry in Tuvok's quarters had been a surprise, but it wasn't until Tuvok made a full report to the Captain that Chakotay understood what had transpired that evening. Harry was devastated. He couldn't look at Tuvok - couldn't be with him. His guilt ate at him like a cancer, more so when the autopsy revealed the head wound Tom had received when falling against the bathroom cabinet. The suicide attempt had been a cry for help, Harry knew that. It wasn't meant to end in death. Harry had been making love with Tom's ex-lover while Tom was dying, alone. Tuvok retreated further into himself than ever before. He attended no social events on Voyager, fraternized not at all. He was the epitome of Vulcan efficiency - only the complete lack of life in his eyes reminding the Captain on a daily basis of what they had all lost. And Harry? Harry was killed on an away team mission three months after Tom's death. No-one was really surprised. --- The End