The BLTS Archive - Surprise Inspection
by Your Cruise Director (cruisedirector@livejournal.com)

---

It had taken most of the day for the corrosive effect to work on him,
but the first officer's foul mood finally matched the captain's.

She'd been in terrible spirits since she strode onto the bridge that
morning, finding fault with everything from Harry's calibration of the
sensors to B'Elanna's realigning of the antimatter conduits. When she
finally turned her venom on him, Chakotay had spent much of his time
bolstering the junior officers' egos after her tirades, so he was not
in the mood for her rant when she summoned him to her ready room after
lunch.

"It seems to me that this crew has become unreliable and lazy,
Commander. I've been thinking that we should institute a series of
surprise inspections, starting immediately."

"I'll notify the department heads," Chakotay stalled, thinking that
he'd have to advise them to take it easy on the notes they would
submit to the captain. He could edit the security logs for her
benefit, but she usually read the engineering reports directly.

"Oh, no, Chakotay. The department heads have spent far too much time
covering for their own staffs. I want you to conduct these inspections
yourself."

Well, of course the department heads covered for their staffs. On a
ship of 150 people, their staffs were also their only friends in the
world, and could be counted on to cover for the department heads in
turn when they were having bad days, as was inevitable for everyone
sooner or later - as the captain was walking proof right now.
"Captain, I think a memo advising the crew of the need for increased
efficiency might be a more effective..."

"The matter is not open for discussion, Chakotay. I want the surprise
inspections to start immediately and I don't want a single crewmember
exempted. Dismissed." As he stroke out of her ready room, Chakotay
thought that his first stop should be sickbay; perhaps he could find a
subtle way to ask the Doctor what point the captain was at in her
menstrual cycle.

Instead he went to the mess. His surprise inspection of Neelix's
stores revealed some moldy tomatoes, a bowl of day-old replicated gagh
rotting in a refrigeration unit, and, hidden behind a panel, two
pounds of Monean chocolate which the first officer promptly
confiscated to his own quarters. Neelix also gave him samples of some
new mushrooms he'd cultivated in hydroponics and fixed him a cheese
sandwich, so Chakotay left the mess in a considerably better mood than
he'd entered.

Tuvok's office was his next stop, since he expected to find not a
single violation of protocol within, and he was not disappointed. Then
he went to Astrometrics, where Seven gave him a long, boring
explanation of a nebula mapping technique she and Harry were devising.

Chakotay decided to skip engineering until he found a subtle way to
warn B'Elanna. Ever since the slipstream attempt, the matter injection
coils had been giving her trouble. Astrometrics was deserted - the
Delaneys were off-duty, on the holodeck with Paris - and after a long
conversation with Ayala in the empty brig about the possibility of
developing a higher-yield phaser rifle for target practice, it was
past dinnertime. With a wry grin, he decided to make one more surprise
inspection before heading to his quarters to raid the forbidden stash
of chocolate.

His heart sped up as he approached her door. He had been in Janeway's
quarters only rarely and only by express invitation of late; they'd
dropped their old habit of stopping by to chat with one another at the
end of the day. The door opened to his key-code without protest. He
walked cautiously into her living quarters, which was deserted. Yet
there were noises coming from her bedroom. Did he dare?

Well, she had said she didn't want a single crewmember exempted.
Clearing his throat loudly, he strode through the arch towards the
noises. She turned just as he stepped in.

Save for a tiny, flimsy pair of see-through, decidedly non-Starfleet-
issue panties, Kathryn Janeway was stark naked. And pretty obviously
cold. Her closet door was open, he must have caught her in the act of
changing her clothes for the evening. She put her hands on her hips,
her stance echoing her outrage, then abruptly seemed to realize what
she wasn't wearing. Whirling to the wall, she curled one arm
protectively beside her breasts, pressing her hand to the bulkhead
near her face.

"Surprise inspection, Captain," Chakotay managed to say.

Kathryn let out an involuntary squeak, and gritted her entire body.
The fury in her eyes was unlike any he'd ever seen before. When she
reprimanded Tuvok, Torres, himself, there was always a tinge of
disappointment to her expression; when she'd demoted Tom, he thought
she might even cry. There was no sadness here, however. If she'd had a
phaser somewhere in a secret holster on that smooth porcelain skin,
he'd be dead. Burned to a crisp. And he could guess which part of his
anatomy she'd start with.

"Get out," she managed to say in a level voice which did her self-
control credit.

"Your underwear is non-regulation, Captain," he shot. And fled. ---

The Last Supper, Chakotay thought grimly as he dug out his chocolate,
but it had been worth it. That look on her face...he broke into a
large grin. And the way she'd thrust her hard little nipples out at
him when she adopted her bridge posture, and the soft round skin of
her belly and hips, and the way she'd clenched the muscles of her ass
when she told him to leave...even if she put him on report, it would
be worth it.

He bit into the smooth, sweet candy, which wasn't quite as good as the
variety on Earth, but was the best thing he'd tasted in as long as he
could remember. His mouth was too full for him to make a sound when
the door to his quarters swished open without warning and a pink-faced
Kathryn Janeway strode through, wearing a very tight red sweatsuit.

"Is that chocolate?" she demanded.

"Tastes like it," he mumbled as he tried to swallow. "I confiscated it
from Neelix. Figured I'd better check it out. You want some?"

She replied, "I want it all," and took a bigger bite than he would
have thought possible with her narrow mouth. As she chewed, she rolled
her eyes closed and groaned in pleasure. Chakotay forgot that he'd
ever been angry at her.

When she had finished nearly a quarter-pound of chocolate herself,
Kathryn looked warily up at her first officer. "I guess you think I
was out of line suggesting surprise inspections."

"I guess you're right."

"So were you," she said. And burst out laughing, striding towards him.
"Oh...you're fired as my first officer, Chakotay. Report to deuterium
exhaust in the morning."

"Yes, ma'am. But how come, if I was right?"

"You walked in on me in my underwear, you weren't planning to share
this chocolate, and you snuck around behind my back instead of just
telling me I was being unreasonable. You didn't even try to argue.
What happened to you?"

"What happened to ME?" he spluttered, but Kathryn had broken off a
sliver of chocolate and stuck it in his mouth when he opened it. She
laughed again. By the time he'd chewed and swallowed, he was red in
the face from nearly choking. He asked pointedly, "Are you enjoying
this? Because I know some variations on 'Surprise Inspection' which
are much more interesting."

"I'll bet you do." Backing away, she picked up the remainder of the
chocolate. "I'm taking this, thank you very much." She winked at him
and sauntered towards the door.

"Does this mean the surprise inspections are off?" he called after
her.

"I'll be in my quarters, Commander," was the only reply he got.

This time, he buzzed.

--

continued in 'Better Than Chocolate'