The BLTS Archive - Darkness
companion piece to 'Winner Takes All'
by Your Cruise Director (cruisedirector@livejournal.com)

---

I let Kai Winn tell me a little Dukat story, and wouldn't you know it
- he demanded equal time. In addition to the snide comments Damar
provided from the sidelines of my thoughts, I had help on this from
Laura Taylor, Leslie Magowan, and the Deep Space Nine Encyclopedia and
Lexicon. My Slave also provided an inspirational drawing of Winn and
Dukat. When it comes to these characters, I bow before Paramount.

---

Nerys, the streets are filled with talk of you tonight. I had never
thought to hear you hailed as a hero of Cardassia! Rumors of your
alliance with Damar have sparked strong feelings in your compatriots.
There are those who believe you have sold out to the enemy in helping
my people fight the Dominion, but most believe you are saving the
Alpha Quadrant, and your bravery is admired by all.

My spirit lifts to learn that you hold such a special place in the
hearts of the Bajorans, as I do. How little your people understand me!
I hear my name ridiculed - blamed for Cardassia's alliance with the
Dominion - after all I have done for Bajor, still they despise me! It
is a dark hour, nearly as dark as the night Damar killed my beloved
Ziyal. Ah, Nerys, you are the only other person who understands the
depth of that loss. Now I understand why we were meant to suffer such
pain, and I have forgiven Damar. Still, while I am in disgrace with
the Bajoran gods, it gives me strength to think of you working to save
Cardassia. We are one people with a common destiny.

It is night in the capitol - it smells like night, and I hear fewer
people passing on the street - though I can offer no proof from my own
eyes, which have been scalded to blindness by the Kosst Amojin. I
don't mind so much at night. The darkness makes me feel safe - people
are always more cautious at night on this world where their eyes
depend on light to function fully. Did you know that Cardassians have
excellent low-light vision compared to Bajorans? It was an asset to us
during the Occupation. It was also an asset to me in the bedrooms of
Bajoran women, but I will not degrade you with such tales, for you are
a force unto yourself. How I hope we will find each other in the
Restoration.

The Kosst Amojin must forgive me my trespass. I know it as surely as I
knew I had to go to the Kai, once I realized what was required to save
Bajor. I may lack the pedantic training which would allow me to look
upon the text of the holy book, but without me it would remain rotting
in its covers, and Kai Winn would continue her pathetic charade on
behalf of the Prophets. I must remember to congratulate Damar on the
background he provided me for this task - it took longer than I
anticipated for anyone to realize I was not Anjohl Tanon, whose life
story so touched Winn Adami. Damar will surely be honored by the Pah-
Wraiths for assisting me, and you for assisting him in his hour of
need. When the Fire-Caves release their hostages, I will beg them to
save you from the cleansing fires.

Right now I must concentrate on returning to the Kai's good graces. I
wonder how powerful it makes her feel to have thrown the mighty Gul
Dukat to the mercy of the Bajoran people. I hope the experience
compares favorably with polluting their spiritual leader. My own
personal Occupation of Bajor! Oh, you will forgive my crudeness,
Nerys, I know she was never a friend of yours. Try to appreciate the
irony of the situation. I have fucked the Kai! How many of your people
would consider that as close to the Prophets as a man can come? Short
of being bent over an Orb by the Emissary, that is. Ha! No thank you,
I much prefer Adami. Though if Captain Sisko were to deputize his
second-in- command...very well, I will not speak of you that way,
Nerys. If the Pah-Wraiths find us worthy, we will be together soon.

I suppose it is my bruised ego that makes me resort to jokes. Here,
with only a memory of her face to mock me, I can admit my arrogance. I
underestimated your Kai - I didn't think she would denounce the
Prophets so absolutely, nor that she would have the self-confidence to
throw me out. She had always seemed an unimaginative schemer who chose
others to perform tasks she considered demeaning or dangerous. I would
never have guessed that she would kill Solbor with her own hands to
protect our secret! I should have realized Adami deserved more
respect, instead of gloating over the ease with which she led me to
her bed. I thought I was seducing her, but I was the one who gave into
temptation.

I know you find me licentious, Nerys, so you will probably not believe
this, but before I met her I had never considered the possibility that
she would want me to make love to her. I suppose it was a prejudice
based on her venerable stature - now I realize the absurdity of it. Of
course a Kai who schemes with politicians and refuses to obey her
Emissary wouldn't deny herself the joys of the flesh, no matter how
religious her upbringing. She enjoys good food, fine wine, and
gluttonous sex! When we were together I privately sneered at her
indulgences, but why should she not enjoy the same privileges power
once brought me? Adami knows what she wants, even if she must
sometimes be persuaded to admit it to herself. She is a stronger woman
than I had guessed.

Therein lies my mistake. I had thought I understood her. I have been
aware of her for years - ever since her trivial attempts to bribe
Cardassian soldiers during the Occupation. When she became part of
Jaro Essa's failed movement to usurp the power of the provisional
government, I could not fail to notice her machinations. She very
nearly brought Cardassia back to power on Bajor! Then as Kai, Winn
opposed most of your beloved Minister Shakaar's reclamation projects,
making her a silent ally of mine as well. For my purposes, she made a
far better provisional government leader.

But all that was before my conversion - before I was touched by the
hand of a god. Once I discovered that only the Kai could remove the
text of the Kosst Amojin from the archive and determine what was
necessary to free the Pah-Wraiths, I knew our destinies were linked in
a far more significant way than mere political machinations. Damar's
people were most thorough in compiling every piece of information
available on Winn Adami. I have learned so many things - I know about
her attempt to assassinate Bareil on your station, I know the secret
of Opaka's which enabled Winn to become Kai. Yet somehow I did not
know enough to convince her that in this endeavor, she needs me as
much as I need her.

I must know where I erred if I am to work my way back into her favor.
I suppose I should have been more adoring after she learned my real
identity - I should have told her of my admiration, and begged her to
let me hold her again. How rare it is for me to bungle a strategic
romance - I can hear you laughing at me, Nerys, but getting under the
Kai's robes was not part of my scheme. Oh, I wanted her to be
attracted to me so that it would please her to present me to her
colleagues, but her desire for me was not something I could have
planned. When I took her hands after telling her she had saved Anjohl
Tanon's life - which is true, it was why Damar chose him - I expected
to have to put on a show of humility for overstepping the place of a
simple farmer. I was more surprised than she when she pulled away
because her palms were sweating and her lips trembling.

You probably think I chose to take advantage of her weakness, but I
was uncertain what she expected of me. Restlessness compelled me to go
to her in the middle of the night - I would like to think it was an
impulse to move her towards her true path, but the truth is that it
was difficult for me to be on Terok Nor, so near to you, yet unable to
risk letting you see me. I enjoyed making Solbor wake Her Eminence,
and I enjoyed speaking to her in phony spiritual metaphors which she
accepted without a second thought. The ancient texts speak of miracles
such as the one I described on Anjohl's farm. Yet she was not
interested in discussing the Restoration and her own rise to power.
For her, the meaning of my story was personal! I swore to stay by her
side, and she told me her name - of course I had known it before,
through Cardassian surveillance. Because she had offered something so
personal, I stroked her hair. But I had no thought of going any
further, I started to withdraw as before. She was the one who pulled
my hand back to her face. Then I realized what she meant when she kept
saying that the Prophets had sent me to her. She thought I was a gift
of body as well as spirit.

And then I could not resist. To corrupt the Kai! Surely you understand
the offer was too delicious. I admit at first I was not much attracted
to her on her own merits, Winn has few of the physical attributes I
find alluring: her cheekbones cannot compete with your mother's, nor
does she have the strong shoulders of Naprem, and her self-indulgent
brooding annoys me. Still, she has striking green-gray eyes which
reminded me of Bajor's sea. And once we arrived in her bedroom, I
realized that I had badly misjudged her sex appeal. The woman has
initiative and flair, with no qualms about indulging herself! Nerys,
she made love with me as I have often fantasized that you...ahhh,
surely you know.

I should have realized from my time leading the Cult of the Pah-Wraith
that austerity does not come easily to Bajorans. No wonder the
Occupation made you suffer so. The sect in which she was raised may be
ascetic, but Adami must have gotten an education outside the order.
Just after she denounced the Prophets, she couldn't wait to get out of
her robes. We took a bath together to wash away the taint of the false
gods, then she decided to desecrate the shrine. She poured the hot wax
from the candles over my skin, spilled wine on me to ease the sting,
and licked it off. The Kai can use her mouth better than most Dabo
girls! Did you know that a few years ago, that despicable Ferengi on
your station named a dessert after Winn in honor of the peace treaty
with Cardassia - the one your lover Bareil negotiated before his
death? Solbor brought it to me, a chocolate souffle topped by Haligian
tongue sauce! I'm afraid it has become my habit to eat Kai Winn after
dinner...

I must stop thinking about such distractions. I'm afraid I allowed
myself to be diverted by pleasure, just as Damar did by drink. I was
all to willing to let Adami occupy my attention. No wonder the
Pah-Wraiths are angry - they should embody Bajor for me, not its
women. Nerys, yours is the form they take when they speak to me, just
as yours was the face I saw in my madness as the symbol of Bajor.
Perhaps it is a temptation to test me, for I cannot resist you in any
form. How foolish to allow myself to sin after all I have given up to
walk their path. I will not see my birthplace again, I will hold none
of my children again - except my precious Ziyal, when I pass out of
corporeal existence into the realm of the gods. When the Pah-Wraith
entered my body, it transformed me. I want only to burn with that
light again. Nothing can compare with it - not the love of my
children, not even ruling Bajor. Not even you, Nerys. Giving up my
name, my face, my life are small sacrifices for the power that is to
come.

This Bajoran face fits me comfortably enough. Captain Sisko should try
it - the Emissary believes he is of Bajor, but he has never seen this
world through Bajoran eyes. Oh, the bitterness, that I have been
denied the gift of sight! Would you not have thought that I had
suffered enough for Bajor? Oh, perhaps Adami was right: perhaps I did
need a lesson in humility. It is odd that the Pah-Wraiths appeared to
her before I arrived. I know they have been following my progress, but
I had thought they wished me to lead them to restoration. Since the
Prophets chose an outsider as their Emissary, it made sense that the
Pah-Wraiths would do the same. I should be their Chosen One.

Yet Adami is not merely a figurehead to them. She is of Bajor. I must
prove to them that I am as well...more so. I knew that her
administration was corrupt, but the Emissary believed in her
commitment to the Prophets, as did you. Who suspected that the Kai
lived in a spiritual vacuum? I was rather moved by her confession of
neglect by your gods. Hers is a mediocre little soul, with a code of
morality but no religious passion as its basis. She reminds me a bit
of Gul Darhe'el - not as ruthless, but able to rationalize any
atrocity. I had feared she would never believe that the Pah-Wraiths
were not evil, yet she does not seem to believe in evil. There are
only things which serve her interests and things which do not. I
suspect that even knowing who I am, she would rather spend time with
me than with you or Sisko.

In turn, the time I spent with Adami was most enlightening. I have
studied the ancient Bajoran prophecies, but I lack her years of
education. She has a quote for every occasion, and her own unique
perspective on what they might mean for her own power. She is so sure
that the Restoration of Bajor was meant to happen under her direction
- I would love to have seen her face when you suggested she step down!
An ex-terrorist, Sisko's ally, Bareil and Shakaar's lover trying to
tell the Kai her place! It could have taken months to woo Winn from
the path of the Prophets without such divine intervention. I thank
you, Nerys; you made my task much easier. I wish you courage on your
secret mission for Starfleet. Give my best to my old friend Damar. I
am a bit envious of him, sharing this mission with you, but I knew
even when he asked me to lead our people again that my path lay
elsewhere.

Now that I have banished myself, I find myself wondering how goes the
war for Cardassia. Strange how I no longer think of it as home, though
my interest in the Pah-Wraiths began as a means to subject Bajor, and
to humiliate the Emissary of the Prophets. If those false gods could
crush an entire Dominion fleet inside their Celestial Temple, imagine
what the Pah-Wraiths could accomplish! It will change the balance of
power throughout the galaxy. And then what will become of the puny
Dominion and its allies? I hope Damar did not wait until too late to
save the world of our birth from our conquerors. The destinies of
Bajor and Cardassia are linked. I have been sure of it since the
Emissary demonstrated how ancient Bajorans landed wooden ships on
Cardassian soil. Our paths are joined.

Ah, Nerys, I see your face in the blackness - how it torments me! I do
not know whether it is you, or a Pah-Wraith, or a sign of my own
madness. Perhaps it is a Prophet, come to break my resolve to destroy
them. How I hate sitting here in darkness! A blind beggar can survive
easily, but I have no access to the tools for my great task. I must
make myself worthy to the Pah-Wraiths. I know you think me mad, but if
you could understand...as you believe of the Prophets, their powers
are real, and their love is great. My relationship with them is as
special as the one I share with the Bajoran people.

Yet I cannot find my direction. Should I seek out the murderous Cult
of the Pah-Wraiths? Shall I take some action to regain Adami's
attention? Must I wait for a sign from the gods? I will not be lost on
a planet I am destined to rule!

I will meditate on the Pah-Wraiths, waiting and suffering during the
centuries when the false Prophets held the Celestial Temple and
refused to stop the suffering of Bajor. I will think of Damar turning
the tables on the Dominion leaders who thought they could conquer
Cardassia. I will send prayers for you, Nerys, my precious one, for I
am as sure that you are a part of my destiny as I am of the future of
Bajor, and its Prophets, and their Emissary, and the Kai. Nothing will
divert me from my path, even if I cannot see it in this darkness.

--

The End