The BLTS Archive- Under The Sun: Skylights
by T'Thrill (TThrill1216@aol.com)

---

Warning:  This story contains very explicit m/m sex.  If you are not
interested in and/or offended by such things, you will find reading
this a complete waste of your time so please move on.  If you are
under 18 years of age, please move on.

Disclaimer:  Copyright 1999 by T'Thrill. This is an original work of
amateur fiction based on Star Trek. It makes transformative use of
Star Trek and is intended only for noncommercial purposes. This work
makes "fair use" of Star Trek copyrighted material; it is not intended
to infringe on the intellectual property rights of Paramount, Viacom
or other owners of copyright in Star Trek or any of their assignees or
licensees. The author's copyright extends only to the original
material in this work.

Archive:  Okay to archive provided that headers, disclaimers, my name,
and email are attached.  Please archive complete text only and drop me
a note to let me know where it is.

Thank you in advance

***Many Thanks to Karmen Ghia, who persuaded a fledgling to fly. Her
guidance has been invaluable.  Also, to the other group members at SSD
who offered advice when I first posted this story in it's rough form.
I submit this, my first real story, for your comments.  Please feel
free to email or post your opinion.

Under the Sun (1) is the first offering in a possible triology.  It
deals with the years between Startrek, the series and after "Startrek,
The Motion Picture".  I hope you enjoy my small offering.

---

He lay shaking in the seat of the hovercar trying to pull the thin
material that he presumed was a blanket around him.  'This is supposed
to be a warm planet!' McCoy thought to himself. 'Goddamn green-
bloodied son-of-a-bitch!   Last time I believe anything he tells me!
That is, if I ever see him again.'  He considered powering up the
vehicle and seeing if he could locate some type of heater but, if he
read the instruments right, he only had about half of charge left
since renting it yesterday in Shikahr.  He didn't know what tomorrow
would bring, and he may need all of the power he had left.  Finally he
drifted off into a restless state, something resembling sleep.

The appearance of the orange sun over the horizon roused him out of
the dull dreamless state he had been in for the last three hours.  He
searched the cabin for anything to drink and came up with a bottle of
green liquid marked with Vulcan symbols that he recognized as a
refreshment he had seen being consumed in the transportation center
the day before.  'Oh well, it's liquid'.  He popped the seal and
tasted it.  Its taste was best described as a thick, sweet, slightly
fermented pineapple-apricot juice.  Not bad, but it will not quench a
thirst.  He just wanted to get the taste of the red dust out of his
mouth, so he began sipping the concoction.

Looking up at the stone walls surrounding Gol, it was very difficult
to see exactly where the gates were set into the stone.  After
arriving here yesterday it took him over an hour just to find the
entrance.  As he approached the gates he saw a small hole carved into
the side with Vulcan writing and a metal ring protruding out. He
pulled on the ring and a robed Vulcan opened the gate ever so slightly
and stepped out. This man had ancient chiseled features that made him
look as old as the walls he emerged from.

He stated that he was Dr. Leonard McCoy from Starfleet and he
requested to speak with Spock cha'Sarek regarding an urgent matter. He
was advised that the matter would be taken into consideration and he
would be advised as to the decision after ritual tomorrow. With that,
the Vulcan had turned and gone back through the gate and closed it
behind him.  Once more nearly concealing the entrance from detection.
McCoy just stood looking at the entrance thinking, 'I spent the whole
trip here making up an elaborate ruse to tell the Masters at Gol, so
they would allow me to talk to Spock. All I was allowed to say was
that I am Dr. Leonard McCoy from Starfleet and I need to speak to
Spock regarding an urgent matter.'  Of course even that was not the
truth.  As of five days ago he had resigned from Starfleet and he
certainly was not here on any Starfleet sanctioned mission.

Now staring up at the gates, he wondered if a decision had been made
on whether or not he would be allowed to speak to Spock. McCoy had no
idea what ritual was, or what time ritual would be over.  Still
sipping the much too sweet potion he realized the cool of the night
was giving way to the intense heat of the day.  The heat of the sun
would soon be unbearable.  He would need an answer soon.  He doubted
he was going to be able to stand the mid-day sun here in the middle of
the desert.  He had thought to bring a few water tabs but he didn't
believe that was going to last out the day in this heat.  Sitting in
the shade of the hovercar for a while longer he had made the decision
to try, again, to make an appeal to the gatekeeper.

Something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he
turned to see the same Vulcan he had spoken with the previous evening,
coming from the crack in the gate.  McCoy leaped from the hovercar and
ran the fifty yards, or so, to the entrance.  Before he could ask
anything the Vulcan stated "Your request has been denied."  He turned
as McCoy was saying quickly, "but... it is extremely urgent that I
speak with him, it is in regard to a situation of utmost...." the gate
closed.  Final.  There was no possibility of seeing Spock.

McCoy only thought of one person that may have been able to intercede
in this matter but when he had spoken with Sarek earlier in the week,
he was advised that this was Spock's decision. Sarek made it clear
that he did not agree with the decision but he would not interfere.
He had advised McCoy that this appeal directly to the Masters would be
his only prospect, albeit a slim possibility, to speak with Spock.  He
did say that Gol was a life long commitment and very few in the
history of modern Vulcan had ever chosen to leave once the decision
had been made.

McCoy turned and walked back to the hovercar.  He looked back at the
stone walls and felt the hot tears spill onto his cheeks. He wiped
them away with the back of his hand he then rubbed his eyes to clear
his vision and started the vehicle.  "Alright you cold hearted
bastard, if this is the way you want it to end, so be it". He pulled
the hovercar around and headed back for Shikahr and never looked back.
Not for the next two years.

---

Four days was all that it took.  Four Days to push Spock out of his
life and see him return to Vulcan.  Four days to tell Leonard McCoy to
get the hell out, that it was none of his damn business what he chose
to do.  Four days to prove to the two of them that they have no
control over his decisions. Four days to cave in to the wishes of
Starfleet and take on the title of Admiral James T. Kirk, Chief of
Starfleet Operation's.

James Kirk found himself in the position as "Starfleet's Golden Boy."
He found the workload was time consuming, and he could loose himself
completely in it for days but not satisfying.  He was also shown,
almost immediately, that his main duty was to show up at official
functions and charm delegates that were considering joining, or
threatening to leave, or just very important to the interests of the
Federation. If it took "charming" a delegate, into the Federation's
point of view well, he did whatever was called for. He compared
himself to a character he had read about in one of the antique books
he owned.  It was the tale of an organ grinder's monkey.  This
creature had been kept on a leash and when the organ grinder played a
song, the monkey, dressed in bright colors, would work the crowd.  It
would do a simple dance and would tip its hat for coins.  That
basically summed up what Jim Kirk had become.

He usually didn't care.  Since the end of the five-year mission, since
Spock left, since McCoy had resigned and gone god knows where, his
life had become a series of doing the dance, tipping his hat.  And, of
course, fucking anything that came his way. Being Starfleet's prized
possession, it wasn't hard to find warm bodies to loose himself in. He
never had to look far for company. He was quite the star! He found
that frequent, emotionless, mindless sex was an adequate way to numb
his brain and body against any memories that may want to slip into his
conciseness.

As long as he was accomplishing his goals, no one at Starfleet yanked
his chain too hard.  He had learned to ignore that empty hole inside.
That place where affection, pride, and anger used to live.  Those
feelings were all gone.  They held no place in this life. The only
pleasure left to him was pleasure of the body.  Many times he would
wake and not know whom he was curled next to.  It had to be this way.
Masturbation was out of the question.  Only one scenario would bring
him to relief but it was the one scenario he refused to reminisce
about. Drinking made him lose control, and that was something he could
not afford to do.  Control at all times was mandatory.  Without it,
his mind could wander to events he did not want to relive.  So,
fucking was the answer.  Male, female, both, individually, together,
it didn't really matter.  James Kirk, always ready to "rise" to the
occasion.

That was the life Jim Kirk had carved out for himself and after two
years he could not remember it being any different.  The life on the
Enterprise seemed something unreal and far away. Oh sure, he recited
the exploits at every official function. That was what he was expected
to do.  Everyone who had dealings with the Federation had seen the
vids of the mission, but people wanted to hear the details directly
from the lips of the famous Captain Kirk.  So, he recited the details
and even managed to interject a modicum of emotion along with the
fantastic tales. His audience always took that as him just being
modest about his exploits.  In actuality, to him, it was if he were
reciting a story about some other person in some other time.  And so
it went, never looking back and certainly never looking forward.

---

"Come in Jim", said Admiral Komack, "Have a seat.  I have the
privilege telling you that the Captain of the Enterprise will be Will
Decker." He loved the opportunity to 'turn the knife' this would drive
into Kirk's gut.  He loathed the man. Kirk had spent five years flying
around the galaxy and came home the hero.  Komack had spent fourteen
years at Starfleet, nine of those years as one of the Joint Chief's.
But, at official functions as well as at social gatherings the one
Admiral everyone always wanted to meet was this too young, too good
looking, too reckless, boy.

"Since her overhaul," Komack continued, "the Enterprise will be the
most technologically advanced in the fleet.  The capability will be to
send this ship into areas of deep space that we have not had the
opportunity to explore.  With all of this in mind, we have decided
that Decker is the man for the job."  The smirk on Komack's face said
much more than the words.  He had expected the great James Kirk to
request, even demand, that he be given back the Enterprise.

"Very good choice, Admiral" Jim stated flatly.

Jim was not surprised.  He knew that a sitting Admiral would never be
given the command of a starship.  He also saw, and enjoyed, the
disappointment in Komack's face when he got no argument from him about
the assignment.  What Admiral Komack did not realize, was that it was
Jim who recommended, to Admiral Nogura, that Will Decker would be the
best choice for the Captain's chair.

"The refit should be completed within the next eight weeks.  We will
need you to arrange for the crew assignments for the remaining officer
positions that have been left open.  Of course Montgomery Scott has
remained with the Enterprise during the refit and will be staying on
as Chief Engineer and, some of the crew from the previous mission have
applied to be assigned back to the ship for the new mission.  That
will be your decision but, we need to have those positions filled
within the week".

Jim went about filling positions and not really thinking about this as
the Enterprise.  He filled the positions just as he would for any
Constellation Class starship expedition.  Of course, he had to speak
with members of his old crew when he notified them of their
assignment.

Nyota Uhura was very glad to hear from her former Captain.  She was so
hoping he would be back in the Command seat.  He explained to her that
his position as Admiral would not allow that.  She felt that him
taking the promotion was a mistake, but she certainly did not share
this opinion with him.  The tone in Admiral Kirk's voice was very
matter of fact.  The thought crossed her mind that if she hadn't known
better, she would have thought that it was a stranger she was talking
to.  No emotion, no sound of talking with an old friend, no small
talk, just details.  He advised her that she had been assigned and
would report to the bridge, and to Captain Decker, at the beginning of
the week.  "Will I see you before we leave, Admiral Kirk?" she asked
him.

"I am sure I will need to be aboard for the ceremony prior to
launching, perhaps we will see each other then".  With that, he very
officially congratulated her and closed the conversation.

The conversations with Sulu and Chekov went basically the same.
Neither one had mentioned Jim taking over the Captains seat, however.
Jim assumed they had already spoken with Nyota regarding this, and was
grateful to not have to go into details.  Those four, Scotty included,
had always been very close.  He assumed that had not changed.  There
had always been speculation as to how close the four of them were, but
as long as Starfleet saw no problems with their performance in the
line of duty, and chain of command did not become an issue, then the
closeness of the relationship was never Jim's concern.  It was his
opinion that if you ruled out sexual contact on these long missions,
then realistically you would have to have all one-person ships.  At
any rate, the four friends would be reunited at the first of the week.
Anything beyond that was now a matter for Decker.

It was late evening when Jim arrived at his apartment.  He had
resolved to spend tonight alone, which was very unusual for him. The
decision was made to just have something delivered to eat. Now that he
was stationed in San Francisco he had actually become quite a good
cook.  It was one facet of his life he did get some satisfaction from.
Maybe because it was the furthest thing from the replicated food he
had spent five years eating.  This evening, however, he was not
interested in preparing anything.  He decided on Chinese and had
palmed the order into the vid and went into the kitchen to brew some
tea.   By the time the tea was ready the door signal chimed with his
order.  He retrieved his order from the rotobot and slid his chit into
the slot for payment.

He decided to sit at the windows and turned off the lights so he could
see lights of San Francisco from the chair.  Instead, he found himself
looking toward the sky.  Very faintly he could pick up the group of
bluish lights, which were all that could be seen from the ground, of
the space dock above.  This space dock could hold up to ten
Constellation Class ships along with numerous other shuttles and
transports.  There were living quarters enough to comfortably house
over one thousand families as well as medical facilities, a school,
and a supply center.  All of that in the faint group of bluish lights.
The activity there was never ending.  It held an excitement all it's
own.  Adventures just completed and the promise of new and even more
exciting adventures yet to come.

He picked at the food.  He wasn't very hungry this evening.  He was
not in the best of moods these days.  Today he had snapped at his
assistant, Lt. Daniel Moricy over a scheduling conflict.   Moricy had
been an excellent assistant since being assigned to Jim. The error had
not been Moricy's, but another aid that had failed to advise the
Lieutenant that a meeting had been posted to the schedule.  After the
late meeting, Moricy had left for the day, therefore Jim had been
unable to address the situation.  He always liked to handle personnel
situations the same day.  A lesson learned from years of working in
tight quarters with a crew on a starship.

Feeling very restless, still unable to eat more than a few bites, he
was beginning to question his decision to stay in tonight.  He liked
to drown himself in the after dark activities in the Club District.
He wasn't much of a drinker these days but he enjoyed the company he
met there.  Mostly just people out for casual associations. Casual
relationships were exactly what he looked for, as many as he could
find.

One woman he had met was perfect.  She wanted no strings.  She told
him she wanted to be free to bed anyone she wished without feeling
responsible to anyone.  They had been meeting each other for about six
months.  Neither had told the other anything about themselves.  They
didn't even know each other's last name.  She was Shayan and he was
Jim.  And that is the way it was between them.  One or the other would
leave a message on a posting board as to what club they would be going
to that evening and, if the other were available, they would meet
there.  They always ended up either in one of the private rooms
offered at most of the clubs, or at one of the hotels in the area.
Neither had ever taken the other to their home.  The things she could
do with her mouth were unbelievable.  This lady could give a blowjob
that would "melt your moustache" as Bones used to say.  'Bones...'well
that was enough of thinking about him.

He went back to reflecting on the sex that he had with Shayan. He
could feel his dick come alive.  He discarded his clothes and sat in
the dark rubbing his erection.  'The way she felt sitting on top of
him, her slick heat as it surrounded his cock.  She would bring him to
full arousal inside of her, contracting the walls of her vagina with
each stroke as she rocked back and forth.  She always seemed to sense
the exact moment that his body would move toward orgasm and she would
withdraw his cock from her.  Her tongue would move down his body,
teasing his nipples and licking her way down, her tongue finally
reaching the aching shaft. Her mouth circling the sensitive head and
her long strokes up and down the shaft.  She would tease the small
slit opening and suck the precum off as it formed at the tip.  Licking
her way down to his testicles, carefully taking each into her mouth
gently sucking on them.'  His strokes on his own dick became faster.
'Then she would go back to the throbbing dick and starting at the
base, she would nibble up the tender underside until she reached the
head.  Just when he couldn't take it any longer she would swallow the
whole shaft and suck so hard that he thought she would pull his whole
body into her mouth.  The back of her tongue would massage the
sensitive ridge and he would explode into her mouth.'  He looked down
and realized that instead of having an orgasm he was becoming flaccid.
Once again the ability to masturbate had escaped him. His balls hurt
from the pressure that found no relief.

He released the hold he had on his organ and reached for the cup of
tea.  He held the cup to his lips and the aroma filled his nose. He
looked back to the soft blue lights in the black sky.  Friends, joys,
sorrows, beginnings, endings, black sky, black hair, Spock, blue
lights, blue eyes, McCoy... "OH GOD, DON'T DO THIS!" he silently
screamed to no one.  And it began, a realization of the hole that had
so very neatly formed inside.  The realization that he was forever
shut away from the life he had loved.  The ones he had loved. He had
no concept that he had gone from sitting in the chair to his knees on
the floor.  He began to retch from the few bites of food he had
consumed.  He knelt on the floor gagging, and he realized, crying.
The cup of tea spilled beside him.  He sat there rocking back and
forth for several minutes.  His face buried in his hands, which were
resting on his bent knees.  Sobbing.  Finally, slowly, painfully,
pulling himself together, he was able to rise from the floor.  He went
to the kitchen and retrieved a wet cloth to clean up all evidence of
his emotional outburst.

He knelt down to blot the tea from the carpet and picked up the cup.
He remembered how he, in that life so very long ago, had loved having
tea with the two of them.  Tea.  That was how it started. A cup of tea
together in Spock's quarters.  As he sat there staring at the cup, the
memories rushed in.

---

It was just a few days before the end of the five-year mission. He had
been advised the Enterprise was to be brought in to space dock for a
complete refit. The nonessential crew, for the overhaul, would be
placed on temporary reassignment in the quadrant.  He could not get an
exact answer, but it was approximated that the overhaul could take a
year, or more, to complete.  All information on reassignments would be
addressed once the Enterprise was back in the space dock above Earth
Central.  There was something in the communiqués he had received from
Admiral Komack that sent shivers down his spine.  There was something
that he was not telling Kirk. He would not give him any information on
where he was to be assigned.  He should have already been sent the
information on any new ship that he would be commanding so he could
familiarize himself with the information prior to taking over.  Komack
had been very evasive on this.  Kirk did not trust the man.  He hated
having this man in control of his next assignment.  Jim hated having
anyone control him.

These five years had passed so quickly.  What this crew had
accomplished was phenomenal.  Jim was the commanding force that led
this crew.  He had the confidence, the style, and the intellect that
had made this voyage a resounding success.  And, he had Spock and
McCoy at his side on the, albeit rare, occasion that he was wrong.

Somewhere during this voyage, he had started to allow his thoughts to
wander to something more between his First Officer, Chief Medical
Officer and himself.  However, technically it was against Starfleet
rules, but basically he had no desire to ruin the companionship they
now shared.  There were other relationships on board that would
officially break rules, as well.  But as long as no one felt that they
were being coerced, Jim did not mind who was sleeping with whom. With
the few rare situations that did arise, where a crewmember felt
compelled to engage in activities through threats or intimidation,
Kirk handled the matter swiftly, decisively and permanently.  He stood
for none of this on his command.  But consensual sex, Hell, as long as
no one reported to duty injured, so be it.

Spock and he had played chess that evening after dinner.  Neither had
played their best game.  Their thoughts were elsewhere.  Kirk kept
looking at Spock as he was contemplating his moves. How many times had
Kirk seen him like this?  His graceful fingers steepled in front of
him with his elbows resting on the arms of the chair.   The lights in
the rec room shinning on the jet black hair.  How many times had he
considered suggesting that their relationship move to the next level?
How many times had he convinced himself that what they had now was
much too valuable to risk?  He had been a loner most of his life.  His
only true friend, before this assignment, had been his brother. What
he had found after his rapid rise through the Starfleet ranks and
assignment here as Captain of the Enterprise were the two beings that
made him emotionally whole.  Spock and Bones had, right from the first
few days of the voyage, become true friends, his confidants. As the
months and years passed, they had become more than friends, they were
the completion of his very being.

McCoy had joined them in the rec room that night.  They were all
feeling apprehensive about the completion of this mission.  They knew
that there were no guarantees that Starfleet would assign them
together during the refit.  Jim did feel that he had enough clout that
he would have some say in the matter, but nothing was ever a sure
thing when the paper pushers became involved.

"Well, I sure don't feel like turning in," stated McCoy after the
chess game had concluded.  "I feel like someone has put itching powder
down my drawers," he drawled.

Both Jim and McCoy looked at Spock, expecting the usual repartee to
begin between the two of them, but instead Spock said, "I picked up
quite a variety of teas during our last stop over on Masaron V.  It
would please me if you would join me in my quarters for a cup of tea".

"Sir, I would be delighted," McCoy said.

"Sounds like a great idea to me, Spock," Jim agreed.

The three of them walked down the hall and into the door of Spock's
cabin, which adjoined Jim's.  Jim had been here many times in the past
five years, and prepared himself for the blast of heat that would
radiate from the cabin.  Pleasantly, he found that the temperature
control, while still quite warm, was not set as high as he expected.
They removed their boots and Jim and McCoy seated themselves on the
mats on the floor as Spock prepared the tea.

After a few moments, Spock handed each one of them a steaming cup of
delicious smelling liquid.  McCoy inhaled and with a slightly wicked
smile to Spock stated, "Why Spock!  I detect the aroma of ginseng and
cinnamon!  You know what that combination is suppose to do to humans,
don't you?"

"Doctor, I am aware that according to certain herbalists, those
ingredients in large quantity are suppose to act as an aphrodisiac. I
am certain, however, that the quantity of those ingredients found here
would not qualify as sufficient for that purpose."

Jim was sitting on the mat taking all of this in and realized he was
so attracted to both of these men that there was a knot in the pit of
his stomach.  Bones with his rugged exterior, quick wit, and heart of
gold, and Spock with his sensitivity, graceful lines and beautiful
spirit. 'Damnit Kirk, get a hold of yourself,' he thought.  'Don't do
anything to screw this up.  You have managed to hide these feeling for
years, this is not the time to bring it to the surface.'

Spock sat down to the right of Jim with his knee just barley touching
Jim's thigh.  Bones sat to Jim's left just a few inches away.  Bones
was making a retort to Spock's comment but Jim was unable to
concentrate on the remark.  He could feel the heat from Spock's knee
radiating through the thin material and up his leg.  Proximity to each
other was something that they had grown accustomed to. At one time
Spock had an invisible, arm's length "no man's land" around him and no
one invaded this.  However, after years of close contact on various
missions, that rule no longer existed to him for Jim and McCoy.  Jim
noticed some time ago that Spock was no longer repelled by the touch
of either he or Bones.  As a matter of fact, Spock often put himself
in close proximity to the two of them.

Jim allowed his eyes to wander down the Vulcan's body.  The strong
chest and the forest of hair that he knew was under the regulation
shirt.  How the hair thinned lower down and became a line of hair that
disappeared into his waistband.  How many times had he wanted to
follow that line of hair to see where it took him.

Jim realized that his body was taking over where his mind left off and
that he had a growing bulge in his pants.  He knew he had to get out
of there but to stand up now would not be wise.  He drew his knees up
in front of him to trying to conceal his growing problem.  'Just
concentrate on the conversation' he thought to himself.  However, the
discussion was over.  Jim had no idea who came out on top of this
particular debate.  Jim took a sip of the tea and looked at Spock who
was looking back.

Jim knew he had to say something to get his mind focused in a
different direction.  "Have you considered where you will want to be
assigned during the overhaul, Spock," he asked.

Spock said nothing.  He kept the eye contact with Jim but he moved
from the sitting position to his knees and sat back on his heels
directly in front of Jim.  "Jim, there is a matter I wish to discuss
with you, and I believe that this may be the last opportunity I will
have to do so."

Jim looked at Spock and said nothing, he knew this man well enough to
know that once he had decided to state an opinion or decision, no
prodding was needed.

"Jim, I have served with the two of you for these past years and I
have had physical contact with the two of you on many occasions. As
you know, I am a touch telepath, which means I can sense emotions and
vague thoughts emanating from one that I am in physical contact with.
In addition to that, we have mind melded on several occasions in the
past.  That makes me very susceptible to you when we make contact. "

Jim was suddenly feeling the heat in this cabin.  He also knew that he
needed to get up and get out of here, but his problem had not
diminished.  Quite the opposite, he now had a full-blown, hard-on. He
just clutched his knees tighter together.

"Jim," Spock continued, "I have been aware of your hope that the
relationship you currently have with both McCoy and myself develop
into something more.  I have felt this from you for some time now.
However, I have waited for you to decide when the time was right. I
fear that due to the length of time we have left, waiting for you to
come to me, to either of us, would be in vain".

"Spock," Jim stuttered, "I have no idea what you are talking about".
Jim looked quickly at Bones who had taken a position of lying back on
his side, propped up on one elbow and thoroughly enjoying the scene
being played out in front of him.  Jim looked back at Spock.

"Jim," Spock whispered, and moved his hands from the resting position
on his thighs and placed them on Jim's knees. "We have seen you in the
throws of delirium, fever, sorrow, anger, joy, passion and every other
conceivable emotion and condition during the last five years. Why,
would you feel the need to hide your desire," he paused, and with the
slightest of pressure he spread Jim's knees slightly apart, and
glanced down at the bulge.  Then he looked back into Jim's eyes, "hide
your erection, from us?"  At that, Spock removed one hand from Jim's
knee and with the back of his hand he brushed lightly against the now
fully engorged bulge.  "Do you not know how beautiful you are when
aroused?"

Jim's cock jumped with excitement at the brief contact.  His
resistance was dissolving.  His mind was spinning out of control.  He
looked down and shook his head in an effort to clear his thoughts.  He
looked back up and said, "Do you want this as well?" He looked into
Spock's eyes and then over at McCoy, whom he noticed, was in the same
aroused condition as he.

"Have thought of nothing else for months", McCoy stated with a grin.

"Jim", Spock whispered in a voice filling with passion, "I would never
have allowed casual physical contact if I had any other desire but to
have you both", looking at McCoy, "as my lovers".   He spread Jim's
knees further apart and moved between them.  "The question to you now
is, are you ready to accept this?"

Jim dropped his gaze and looked down at the floor.  Then slowly he
lifted his eyes back to Spock. Softly he said, "Yes, yes I want the
two of you as my lovers.  I've wanted that for a very long time."

Spock lowered his head to brush Jim's lips with his own.  Jim placed
his arms around Spock's neck and responded to the soft kiss by lightly
grabbing Spock's bottom lip with his own and sucking gently.  He
released one of his arms from around Spock's neck and looked at Bones.
He reached over and pulled Bones into the embrace.

"Are you sure about this, Bones," he asked.

With eyes dilated with desire, Leonard leaned in and kissed Jim and
said, "very sure".  He then turned to Spock and kissed him.

The feeling of embracing both of these men and seeing them kiss each
other passionately nearly undid him. He lowered his arm from around
Bones' waist and moved it lower until he was caressing his ass.  He
heard Bones' sharp intake of air when he squeezed gently on the round
firm mass.  His fingers traced the crease separating the firm mounds.
His hand went further under McCoy and he began to caress his scrotum.
McCoy went weak with the feeling and sat back on his heels and spread
his legs apart to give Jim full access. Jim felt Spock's lips against
the side of his cheek and turned to meet the soft lips with his own.

Spock reached back down to rub Jim's cock.  This time it was not a
gentle caress.  His fingers traced the outline under the material and
began to stroke it.  There was already wetness seeping through the
fabric. Jim was reaching further underneath Bones and was feeling the
base of the hardened cock.  Bones scrotum rested on his wrist as he
began to massage the thick base and hard shaft.  He pulled away from
the kiss and looked down at Spock to see Bones rubbing the area where
Spock's thigh met his scrotum.  He felt that Bones was apprehensive
about actually touching Spock intimately.  He removed his other hand
from around Spock's neck and placed it on Bones' hand and moved it to
the hardened shaft.   Together, hand in hand, fingers entwined, they
began running their fingers along the long, thick outline of Spock's
erection.

He released his grip from McCoy's hand and his attention to McCoy's
member, only long enough for Spock to pull Jim's shirt up and over his
head and toss it aside.  Spock ran his hands over the smooth chest and
pinched each nipple.  The heat from the hand against the tight nipple
sent an almost electrical shock through Jim's breast and down into his
groin.  Spock then pulled his own shirt off and tossed it aside.  All
three of these men had seen each other nude in the past, but the sight
of Spock, flushed with passion, nipples tight, eyes dark, lips wet and
slightly swollen, caused the two humans to ignite. Leonard rubbed his
free hand across the furred chest and allowed his thumb to tease the
tight nipple.  Jim leaned his head down to the chest and began teasing
the other erect nipple with his tongue and gently biting it.  Spock
arched back and emitted a sound of passion could only be described as
erotic.  The humans could feel the spontaneous jerking of the shaft
under their entwined fingers.

All the time Jim was still massaging McCoy's hot shaft through the
pants.  McCoy tore his eyes away from Spock and looked down. What he
saw was Jim's hand coming from underneath him and rubbing the hard
protrusion.  "Jim, I'm going to cum," McCoy groaned in Jim's ear.

Jim turned his attention to McCoy.  He pulled McCoy's shirt off and
tossed it into the, now growing, pile of discarded clothing.   He
pulled McCoy to his knees as Spock assisted with the release of the
catch on the trousers.  The pants slid down and both Jim and Spock
marveled at the sight of McCoy's thick erection protruding out from
beneath his underwear.  Jim released the erection from the
undergarment and slid them down to meet the trousers puddled around
Leonard's knees.

"Lay back, Bones".  Jim whispered.  Leonard lay back down on the mat
and Spock pulled the pants off.  Jim stretched out on top of him and
leaned down to kiss him.  Their tongues explored each other's, while
Spock released the catch on Jim's trousers and pulled them down and
off.  Each tasting and discovering the flavors and smells that they
had wanted for so long.  Jim settled on top of Bones allowing their
erections to rub against each other.

"Please, I can't stop this, I'm going to cum", moaned Leonard.

Jim worked his way down the lightly furred chest of his friend.  Using
his tongue to stimulate the nipples and trace a path across the hard
smooth abdomen to the fur circling the hard shaft.  He touched the tip
if his tongue to the tip of the cock.  Bones jumped at the contact.
Jim tasted the salty flavor of the precum that had formed at the head.
He let his lips come to rest on the head and sucked gently, he then
took the head into his mouth.  Leonard's head rolled back and he
moaned in pleasure.

Spock had settled himself lying beside Bones and was kissing and
sucking on his lips, ears and neck.  Bones reached down and ran his
fingers through the golden head of hair.  Jim took the shaft into his
mouth and sucked.  He massaged the heavy pouch with one hand and used
his other to hold the base of the cock.  Wanting to prolong the
pleasure as long as possible he applied some pressure to the base.
Still lightly licking the swollen organ.  He allowed the hand that had
been stimulating Leonard's testicles to venture further back.  McCoy
raised his knees and spread them open.  Jim's finger found the most
private opening.  Leonard tensed and pulled away at the feeling of
being touched here, but quickly relaxed and allowed Jim access.  He
slowly eased one finger into the very tight ring.  By the gasp of
surprise, he felt that Leonard had never experienced this type of
invasion but his breath was ragged and his eyes half-closed in sheer
pleasure of the feeling.

He found the glan right behind the penis and when he brushed across it
McCoy moaned and began to writhe beneath him.  "Oh god, Jim, I'm
coming!" moaned Bones.  When he felt McCoy's body become stiff and
felt the base of the cock begin to throb, he took the cock fully into
his mouth.  He sucked on the hot shaft and teased the hard spot his
finger had located only a moment before. McCoy cried out and released
his fluid into Jim's mouth.  Tasting the sweetness of Leonard's cum,
Jim sucked on the shaft until it had released the last of the
wonderful fluid.  Jim pulled his finger from the opening and Bones
collapsed on the mat.  Sucking the last drops of cum from the dick
caused McCoy's body to convulse in pleasure. Jim let the cock slide
from his mouth.

Jim then turned his attention to Spock.  Spock was the only one still
semi-clothed with his trousers on. Jim made quick work of that. He
released the catch and pulled the pants off and then grabbed the
waistband of the undergarment and worked it over the head of Spock's
erection, and pulled the underwear off.  The pile of clothes was now
complete.  Seeing Spock naked in the past he knew the tip of the
Vulcan's cock was somewhat different from a human's but he was not
prepared for the beauty of the long hard double ridged specimen
displayed before him.  Spock came to his knees and pulled Jim to him.
Their cocks were pressed together as were their lips.

Jim wrapped his arms around Spock, grabbed his ass and ground their
erections together.  "Oh God, Spock", Jim whispered as he kissed and
sucked on the Vulcan's neck and ear, He reached his hand between them.
He had to feel, to stroke, the hot bare cock.  He wanted this heat
inside of him.  He whispered into Spock's ear, "I have wanted this for
so long.  I want to feel you" gasp, "inside of me."  He panted, "I
need to feel you, fucking me".

"Yes, anything you want", Spock rasped.  "I do believe we will need a
lubricant.  I have something in my sleeping quarters.  Can you wait
while I retrieve it?"

"Yes, Spock, yes.  But please hurry"!

Spock released the body in his arms with difficulty, stood up and
walked over to the cabinet beside the bed and pulled out a tube.  He
turned to walk back and Jim saw him coming toward him.  'He is going
to fuck me.  That gorgeous being is going to fuck me!'  As Spock
reached the place where Jim knelt, Jim put his hands on the heated
thighs and pulled him in front of him and ran his tongue alone the hot
shaft.

Spock knelt back down and squeezed some of the gel into his hand. He
reached down and began to rub it onto his own cock. His dark eyes
never leaving Jim's.  The sight of this undid Jim.  A drop of precum
dripped from the tip of his dick signaling how very near he was. Spock
squeezed another glob of the gel onto his fingers and tossed the tube
aside.  With his free hand he pulled Jim close.  He enveloped Jim's
mouth with his own and assaulted the cool mouth with his tongue.  He
tasted the saltiness of Leonard's cum mixed with the taste that was
Jim Kirk, and he could not get enough.  His cock twitched against
Jim's in excitement.  He reached around and touched the opening to
Jim's body.  He applied the gel and began to work it into the opening.
First pushing one of the long slender fingers into the opening then
two.  He continued preparing the opening by stretching it and allowing
the lubricant to work deep into the body.  Jim was lifted to a level
of arousal that he did not know could exist without release.

Jim ran his tongue around the magnificent ear and down to his neck. He
laid his head on Spock's shoulder and saw McCoy who was now sitting on
his knees watching the events taking place before him. His thighs were
spread open and he was openly massaging his own, now erect again,
cock.  'Bones is mesmerized by this passionate show before him, by the
sight of Spock's fingers inside me,' Jim thought. 'He is going to
watch while Spock fucks me.  What a delicious thought!'

"Jim, lay back.  I want to see your face when I enter you", Spock told
him in that deep resonating voice, hoarse with passion.

At that moment, Jim would have done anything that this man told him to
do.  He had given up all control to the wishes of these men. Jim lay
down on his back and pulled his knees up, presenting himself to Spock.

Spock looked down at the sight of his beautiful friend and captain
laying beneath him with his knees pulled up and his legs spread wide,
his center exposed, and he had to pause to keep himself from
ejaculating at that very moment. This was a sight he had never even
allowed himself the pleasure of dreaming.  He leaned down and sucked
the drops of fluid from the head of the magnificent rod.

Softness over steel.  The epitome of James Kirk.  There was no drink
or drug known that was as intoxicating as the taste and smell of Jim's
arousal. Spock lifted Jim's knees to his shoulders and centered his
cock at the opening.  Slowly he pressed the first ridge into the tight
slick opening and stopped to allow the human to get used to the
feeling.  He felt Jim press against him and he slid the second ring
in. Slowly he pushed the shaft inside the opening, allowing time for
the muscles to relax.  When he was all the way in, and Jim was
accustomed to the feeling, he began to pump his cock in and out of
Jim.  "YES, SPOCK!" Jim gasped.  "OH YES, FUCK ME!"

He reached down and grasped Jim's erection.  Massaging it in time to
his organ in Jim's body.  Spock felt the muscles begin to contract
around his shaft, Jim groaned and semen began to spurt from his dick.
Semen splashing onto Jim's abdomen and droplets of the fluid hitting
Spock's chest, was all it took to push him to orgasm.  He thrust deep
into the tight opening as his cock throbbed and emptied itself into
Jim.

At the sight of the display before him, McCoy increased the strokes on
his own dick.  He threw his head back and moaned as he came with a
vengeance he did not know possible.

The three men collapsed in a tangle of arms and legs.

---

He was jerked back to the reality that he was not on the Enterprise,
but in his own apartment.  Jim looked down at his hand; blood was
running down his palmand dripping from his fingers. He had clutched
the antique porcelain cup and it had shattered in his hand. He had not
even felt it. He dropped the pieces of the cup and slapped the tea
soaked cloth to the cut.  He staggered into the bathroom and threw the
tea/blood soaked cloth into the recycler.  He turned on the water and
held his hand under it.  He had cut is hand in a couple of places but
it did not seem to be to bad. Nothing serious seemed to be cut.  He
felt no pain, at least not in his hand. He got another cloth and
soaked it in cold water and wiped his face.  He couldn't stop shaking.
He was so hard that he thought his balls were going to explode.  He
decided that maybe a shower would be the answer.

Turning on the water he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.
Did he really look that old?  His skin was so pale.  He no longer
seemed to have the muscular build he had once had even though he still
worked out several times a week.  His hair used to be shiny and gold,
now it was dull.  'No one would be interested in this' he thought to
himself, 'it is only my status and exploits that keep them enticed! Oh
fuck it, in reality, no one ever was.  Not enough to stay around!'  He
climbed into the shower.  The hot water beat against his skin.  He
thought, again, about the feel of Spock's heat and hardness in his
ass.  The taste of Bones and seeing him openly masturbate at the sight
of he and Spock fucking.  He gripped his cock and pumped.  The fluid
rushed to the shaft and was released. He supported himself with one
hand against the wall and spewed his fluid onto the floor of the
shower.  When he was finished he put his face against the cool tile.
His body shook from the sobs that once again racked his body. After a
few minutes he began to slightly recover from the events of the
evening.  He turned the water temperature to just cold.   Thanks to
the shock of the cold water he managed to regain his control, pull
himself back from the breakdown and to push the emotions of the last
hour back to that dark corner of his mind.

He got out and wrapped himself in a robe, bandaged the still bleeding
hand and went to the COM unit to go over the crew assignments.  He had
completed all of the assignments for the Enterprise today, but he
wanted to be ready with recommendations for the now vacant positions
on other stations.  After an hour or so, he had managed to lose
himself completely in the puzzle of officer assignments and it took
him a moment to realize the COM unit was signaling him.  He had placed
it on auto, so nothing except a call from Starfleet, level 5 or above,
would ring through.  He pushed receive saw it was coming in at level 9
and his gut tightened.  This would mean nothing short of an all out
war in this sector or a disaster of the greatest magnitude.  He keyed
the receive signal, and with a retinal scan, his identity was
verified.  Admiral Nogura appeared, "Jim, we have a Problem...".

The next afternoon he emerged from the Administration Building and
headed for the transport station.  He was reporting to the Enterprise
in capacity of Captain.  Kirk had experience dealing with the unknown
and he refused Admiral Komack's request that he go aboard the
Enterprise as an assistant to Decker.  He knew from experience that he
needed to have the officers onboard reporting directly to him.
Without being able to use his instincts and perhaps being questioned
about his decisions, and even overridden, his hands were tied in this
matter.  He stated to Komack and Nogura that he would refuse the
assignment unless he was put in charge.  With that entity bearing down
on Earth it seemed the wise move to grant James Kirk his request.

"Gave her back, sir?" Scotty said in the transport shuttle. "I doubt
that!"

"You're right!"  Jim said in his best Scottish impression.  He looked
at the man powering the shuttle and gave him that famous "Jim Kirk"
smile.

Scotty gave a report of the all of the systems that were not working
properly.  It may have been a shorter list if he had just told Kirk
the systems that did work as they should.  Scotty made sure he kept
the line of view of the Enterprise out of sight until the last
possible moment.  When the shuttle emerged from behind the scaffolding
of another dock sight, Jim saw her.  She was bathed in light.  In all
of his travels he had never seen a star so bright.  He was coming
home.

---

McCoy had been working for the last year and a half on an
archeological dig in the region of The New Consolidated Middle
Alliance.  This area was formally known as the Middle East prior to
the last nuclear/ eugenics event.  The countries had been at war with
each other for hundreds of years, but in the last one hundred and
seventy-five years since the alliance, this has been a source of
amazing scientific discoveries. The historical digs had unearthed
unbelievable scientific information regarding the origins of humans on
Earth.  McCoy was deeply involved with the nearly impossible DNA
analysis of not only the ancient human remains, but of plant and
animal life never before believed to inhabit this region of the solar
system.  For the first time in two years he had begun to believe his
life could have meaning again.  The contribution he was making was
such that would change the way the inhabitants of Terra came see their
place in history. His research was destined to put the name Leonard
McCoy next to the greatest scientists of all time but this had not
even occurred to him.  Leonard had once again found a spark for life.
The numbness had become the norm was abating.  That was all he cared
about.  Then the call came.

"Dr. McCoy, Admiral Rohm here.  Due to an "incident" we are acting
upon our capacity to reinstate your Starfleet status to active and you
are being notified that you are required to report to Starfleet
Headquarters within, and no later than, twenty-four hours from this
notification.  You will be fully briefed upon your arrival..."

"Now wait just a DAMN minute!  I resigned my position from Starfleet
two years ago..."

"Dr. McCoy, you have no choice in this matter. Twenty-four hours.
Out."

"SHIT!"  Leonard hit the open channel button on the vid and requested
to be put through to Starfleet headquarters.

"I'm sorry, there are no open lines at this time" the vid chimed.

He drew a deep breath; he would have rather talk to Beelzebub himself,
but, "Then get me directly through to Admiral James T. Kirk.  Tell him
it's Leonard McCoy calling."

Jim held his breath when he saw who was contacting him.  Could he
really go through with this?  Yes, he had to.  But when the face of
each man appeared on the vid, there was a noticeable intake of air
from both.

"Bones! How's it going?" Jim asked as normally as he could get out.
He could tell his voice was shaky, he just hoped it didn't come
through to the man on the other side.  He noticed the full beard that
McCoy was now sporting.  'He's going to hate to give that up' Jim
laughed to himself.

"Not so DAMN well, ADMIRAL!  What do you know about this crap?"

"Bones, I only know that a lot of personal are being called in.  I
have a meeting with Admiral's Nogura and Komack shortly, but I can't
do anything about this decision, Leonard. "

Leonard looked at the man on the screen and was torn between calling
him a lying son-of-a-bitch and professing his undying love.  Jim
looked older.  It was more than that, he looked empty.  There was no
expression in those eyes.  Those beautiful eyes.  God, how he wanted
to fall into those eyes and heal the hurt. Instead he tried to swallow
the lump in his throat as inconspicuously as possible and was just
able to mutter "I can't believe this crap!"

"Leonard, you will be briefed as soon as you get here" Jim stated in a
very matter of fact manner.  "I have a meeting to go to, I'm sorry to
cut this short, but all will be explained when you arrive."

"Fine.  You've been a big help Admiral!  McCoy out." The screen went
blank and Jim continued to stare at it.

'I sure hope you know what you're doing Admiral', Jim thought to
himself.  In the meeting he had been called to last night, Jim had
suggested that they recall Leonard McCoy for this mission. He was the
only Doctor on Terra at the moment, with the level of expertise
dealing with the unknown, that Kirk felt necessary for this
assignment.

Jim sat staring at the now blank vid screen.  After the events of the
previous evening, the memories were just below the surface.  A wound
was now opened and would not close again without bleeding. And he was
not thinking of the cuts on his hand, but the gash in his heart.

---

They had all fallen asleep on the floor that night.  It was not long
before he became aware of Spock shaking.  He had become cold due to
the fact the quarters were not as warm as he was used to.  Also,
curled up to his two human lovers with lower body temperatures than
his did not help.  Jim freed himself from the tangle of arms and legs
and went to the sleeping quarters and removed the pillows and blankets
from the bed.  It looked as if they were going to "camp out" on the
floor tonight, so they might as well be comfortable.

He raised Bones' head and slid a pillow underneath. Jim then covered
him with one of the blankets. He was sound asleep and never took
notice except that he pulled the blanket up and rolled onto his side.
He gave Spock the other larger pillow and spread the remaining two
blankets over them as he lay back down and put his head on Spock's
pillow.  He pulled the blankets up around them.  Spock wrapped his
arms around him and pulled him close.

Jim began to think of Spock getting the lubricant from the cabinet
beside his bed.  Did Spock have lovers that Jim was unaware of?
"Spock, why do you keep lubricant in the cabinet beside your bed?"

Spock lowered his eyes and said, almost embarrassed, "Although I am
usually able to overcome my desires with meditation, I do however,
have the infrequent occasion that I must have physical release.  It
helps in those circumstances."

'My god, Spock masturbates!'  The thought had never occurred to him.
Jim rested his head against the warm shoulder.  The aroma radiating
from a warm, satiated Vulcan was intoxicating.  He did love this man
so very much.  He snuggled closer to Spock.  He was determined that,
no matter what Starfleet Headquarters would try, and he knew they were
up to something, the three of them were going to stay together.  Then
another thought came to mind.

"Spock, how did you know that McCoy would be a willing participant in
this?"

After a moment Spock replied, "I discussed this possibility with him
last night."

"What?"

"I had perceived his interest through recent physical contact with
him.  I discussed the possibility of the three of us becoming lovers
and he quickly agreed.  It seems he was already fantasizing about the
three of us together."

Suddenly Jim felt that an explosion had just occurred inside his
skull!  'What a fool I am!'

"Wait a minute, Spock!  Do you mean that this evening was a set up?!?
The two of you planned this!"  Jim sat up throwing off the blankets.

"Wha....what's up", McCoy asked.  Jim abruptly sitting up and yelling
at Spock roused McCoy from sleep.

"And YOU were in on it!"  Jim seethed at McCoy. "My FRIENDS set me up
for this!  How dare you plan this little rendezvous to make it look
like a spontaneous evening?  If this has been discussed between the
two of you, then I certainly had the right to be included on the
discussion!"  Jim was scrounging through the pile of discarded clothes
trying to sort out his clothes from the remainder in the stack.
Pulling on his pants he felt as if the floor had just been pulled out
from under him.  "Of all of the people that I would NEVER believe
would betray me, it would have been the two of you!  What was I, some
pawn in your sexual game?  Well, FUCK YOU BOTH"!

"JIM!  WHAT THE HELL..." McCoy had jumped to his feet and was trying
to understand what had set Jim off like this.

Jim disappeared through the passage that connected his and Spock's
quarters.  He activated the lock, a lock that had never been activated
since the day he stepped on this ship.

Once he had locked the door, he leaned his back against it.  He had
started shaking and could not stop.  He slid down the door until he
was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around his
knees.  'How...How could they do this to me? OK, Jim, just get a hold
of yourself!  What exactly just happened...You just let your first
officer fuck you...that's what!  And Bones...Oh God! Have they been
lovers before?' He didn't want to think about that.  'How long have
they been planning to ambush me into this.  What? They are no longer
enough for each other?  Looking for new game?'  He sat there trying to
sort out what it was he was feeling.

He had been wanting, fantasizing, about being with them.  Then he
realized what was so difficult with this. They had ripped any control
he had away from him.  He would have been willing to do anything!
Anything they wanted, he was theirs to command.  'Oh God!  It felt so
good!'  I have had many sexual experiences in my life. Far above the
average.  Different genders. Hell! Different species! I have never
lost control, not like this!  Certainly never tricked into giving up
control.'

Sitting there he could feel Spock's fluid wanting to escape from him.
He went to the bathroom and he rid himself of the contents he had been
so eager to receive just a short time before.  He climbed into the
water shower, not the sonic shower that was usually used, and scrubbed
his skin until he thought he would bleed.  He could wash off the smell
of the two of them, but would he ever be able to wash off the feeling
of betrayal?

The two days that followed were filled with checklists and
communications with Starfleet.  Jim was a robot. He handled every
situation with total efficiency and only went to his cabin to shower
and change his uniform.  He had, again, tried to get the information
regarding his assignment form Starfleet, but to no avail. His life was
spinning out of control.

Spock had spent the last two days of the mission in the Science Lab
making sure everything was in order. McCoy stayed in sickbay.  What
little communication that had to go on between the three was short and
to the point.  McCoy had tried to talk to Jim when asked for the final
Medical Services report but all Jim could get out was "There is no
explanation needed, Doctor McCoy."  With that he broke the COM link.

---

Once docked and at Starfleet headquarters, the pressure to accept the
newly created Chief of Starfleet Operation's was intense.  Kirk was
holding out for another turn in the center chair of a starship.  Any
starship.  He had been told that he could not be reassigned at this
time.  He was advised that if he refused the position at Starfleet he
would be assigned to Starfleet Academy to await an assignment to
another ship.  However, if he accepted the Chief of Starfleet
Operation's, he would be promoted to a Grade I Admiral. That would
still put Komack over him, Komack was a Grade III.  He sat there
looking at Komack and Nogura.  'How have I lost all control so
quickly?  I gave up control to Spock and McCoy and now, just four days
later, I am being forced into giving up control to the wishes of these
men.  Well, the one good aspect of this would be that Spock and McCoy
would believe that I freely chose this path.'  Choices. 'If I take the
position at the Academy, Komack will find a way to bury me there.  He
resents the fact that I have accomplished what I have in the last five
years and he will never allow me to command another ship. If I take
this position, well, maybe there would be a possibility, someday, of
getting back on a ship.'  With a sigh he looked back at the Admirals
in front of him, "Very well, I do accept the promotion to Admiral and
the Chief of Starfleet Operation's."

All arrangements had been made.  Hell, Jim realized the arrangements
had been made for weeks!  The official announcement would come at the
reception for the crew of the Enterprise. He would begin to move into
the suite of offices in a couple of days.  He took the lift down to
exit the building and go back to his apartment.  There was a lot to
look over before reporting for duty.  The doors of the lift opened and
there stood Spock.

Spock was waiting at the lift to go up for his debriefing. They stood
there looking at each other, neither saying a word.  The doors started
to close when Jim reached to stop them and got out.  "Captain, may I
have a few minutes of your time," Spock asked.

"Spock, I am in a hurry," Jim was not in any mood to have a
confrontation over the events in Spock's cabin, and he certainly did
not want to discuss the events of this day.  Looking into the dark
eyes he knew he could not just walk away from this man. There had to
be a way to repair this damage.  "Yes," his tone tempered, "I have a
few minutes.  How about out on the commons?"

"That will be sufficient".  Spock stated, his hands clasped behind
him, he followed Kirk out onto the commons.

This area had benches and paths surrounded by various foliage
indicative to the different regions of earth.  A cactus garden
alongside side an area that had a magnolia tree and azaleas.  Normally
a beautiful area that Jim enjoyed walking through, but he was not
concentrating on the beauty, today.  "Here?" Jim motioned to one of
the stone benches.

Spock sat down very rigidly on the edge of the bench. Jim sat down on
the other end facing him.  "Captain," Spock began, "I wish to address
the occurrence in my cabin four nights ago.  I had a flaw in
judgement.  I have taken steps to assure that it will not reoccur".

'Is that the way he saw it? He ripped away my control and he refers to
it as a FLAW in Judgement! He made love to me and he calls it a FLAW
in judgement!' Jim thought to himself.  He looked at Spock who would
not meet his eyes and said,  "Spock, why did the two of you conspire
to place me in that situation?" The anger was rising in Jim's tone.

"Captain, be assured that Dr. McCoy did none of the conspiring, it was
my doing, my responsibility."

"You say you have taken steps, what steps have you taken?"

"I have made arrangements to return to Vulcan.  I will be resigning my
commission immediately following the debriefing."

Staring at Spock in disbelief he said, "You are resigning from
Starfleet?  Have you thought this through?"

"Yes, Captain.  I believe my mission with Starfleet has come to an
end.  I believe my answer is on Vulcan."

"Well, we all must make our own decisions.  By the way, the "Captain"
title is no longer applicable.  I am now Admiral James Kirk, Chief of
Starfleet Operation's. I suppose congratulations are in order all the
way around.  Both of us have found our answers," Jim spat the words at
Spock.  Jim stood up.

Spock looked at Jim and rose from the bench.  There was a flicker of
something in Spock's eyes.  What was it, pain, disgust, hatred,
sorrow, whatever it was, it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"I take my leave of you, Admiral".

"Good bye, Spock".

Both turned and walked away in different directions. 'Way to go,
Jimmy-boy!  You have run off others in the past, this is the first
time you have been referred to as a "flaw in judgement" and had
someone leave the sector!' Jim headed for his apartment.

---

The trip to Starfleet had been so quick that Leonard McCoy did not
have time to reflect on the past.  Not until he was on the transport.
Then the scene replayed itself for him.

---

The activating of the lock on the connecting door, while in reality
was a quiet hum, it had sounded like an explosion to the two left in
Spock's quarters.  He had turned back to Spock who sat on the mat with
his legs crossed and his hands steepled in front of him.  "What the
hell was THAT about, Spock?" he shouted.

Spock looked up with the pain of a wounded animal radiating in his
eyes.  "He asked me how I had been sure that you would be a willing
participant in the three of us becoming lovers.  I explained to him
that I had discussed this with you last night".

"You told him WHAT?  For Gods sake, WHY?"

"Because he asked me.  I considered not telling him, but when I looked
into his eyes, I could not lie to him. Never to him."

"We, maybe, could have told him about that conversation at some point
in the future, but not NOW! Not tonight!"

He had gathered up his clothes and quickly dressed himself.  He went
to his quarters and proceeded to try to get quite drunk.  He failed.

The next two days were a haze.  It was a good thing that everything
had been ready for docking prior to that evening or it would have
never been done. He had tried to contact Spock but his message was not
returned.  He knew Spock would have to deal with this in his own way.
He stayed in his office until the COM unit beeped. It was Jim wanting
the final Medical Services Report.  He had it ready to feed into the
computer but he had not done so.  He plugged the chip in and hit send.
"Jim. I need to speak to you about what happened night before last.  I
think that we owe you an explanation."

"No explanation needed, Doctor McCoy.  I have things I must attend to.
Kirk out" Was the response.

The ship docked and everyone left the ship and all personal were given
temporary quarters in one of the Starfleet dormitories. There were
debriefings and receptions but the only time he saw Jim Kirk was from
a distance at one of the receptions.  He was with Admiral Nogura and
his staff.  He was not even able to make eye contact with him.

It had been four days since docking.  Leonard had been informed this
morning that he was going to be reassigned to the starbase on Omula I
due a recent outbreak of Quendine Fever.  He was to leave at the end
of the week.  He tried to find out where Spock's temporary quarters
were.  He needed to talk to him before he was shipped out.  No one at
SF Headquarters would tell him anything regarding Spock's assignment.
He knew he was still in the city, somewhere.  The one piece of
information he did get was that he was the first Enterprise officer to
receive his assignment.

He got back to his temporary quarters and saw he had a message. It was
from Scotty: He had heard that McCoy was leaving at the end of the
week and wondered if he wanted to meet him for drinks. He stated he
was going to stay with the Enterprise during the refit.  He wanted to
ask if anyone had spoken with Spock since he had resigned his
commission and gone back to live on Vulcan.  He stated that he saw
Spock board a transport headed for Vulcan, the day after the
Enterprise had arrived in space dock, but didn't get to talk to him.
Uhura said he left right after his debriefing. The rest of the message
was a blur.  McCoy sent a brief message back that he would not be able
to meet Scotty but wished him well.  He grabbed the uniform he had
been taking off and pulled it back on and headed for Starfleet
Headquarters.

It took him over an hour to finally corner Jim.  He was talking to
Admiral Komack, the slimy worm, and McCoy burst in and told Jim that
he needed to speak with him, "privately".  Jim could not cause a scene
in front of Komack so he excused himself and they headed for a
deserted conference room.

"Jim, are you aware that Spock has resigned his commission and
returned to Vulcan?"

"Yes. Doctor McCoy, I am aware of that fact."

"And you did NOTHING to stop him?"

"Doctor, whatever decisions Mr. Spock, chose to make, it was not my
place to interfere."

"Jim, he has only gone back to Vulcan because of this THING between
the three of us!"

"Doctor, I do not choose to continue with this conversation, not now
and certainly not here.  Perhaps later when we can discuss this
privately, but, right now I have other issues that need attending to."

At that time Komack came back down the hall and addressed Jim,
"Admiral Kirk, we will be issuing the official statement this evening
at the reception for the crew of the Enterprise.  If you have anything
you wish to add to the statement, you should make sure it is included
before the final draft is completed."

"Thank you Admiral Komack" Jim replied and turned back to Leonard.
"Will there be anything else, Doctor? If not then, as I said, I have
things that need attending to."

"ADMIRAL KIRK!  What the HELL have you done? You've given up your
career to become one of the damn paper pushers that you always
resented!  Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"No, Doctor, just found it.  This is one decision that neither you,
nor Spock, have control over.  This decision was mine alone.  Now if
there is nothing else." McCoy just stood there looking at him in
disbelief but said nothing.

"Good bye, then, Doctor." And Jim turned and walked away.

Within two hours McCoy had managed to cuss out every Admiral he could
find over loosing the best Captain the fleet had ever had, and also,
during that time, managed to resign his commission and book
transportation to Vulcan.

---

Leonard was briefed at Starfleet and transported to the Enterprise.
Jim was in the transporter room when he arrived onboard.  McCoy's mood
was far from friendly.

Jim could understand, he knew he had pushed this man out of his life
and now Leonard had realized Jim was the one that had him recalled.
Seeing this man for the first time in two years Jim realized that no
matter what had transpired in the past, he needed this man.  He,
however, wasn't sure he could ever fully trust him, not in the same
way.  But he did need him so.

Jim walked with McCoy to sickbay.  After a few minutes, Leonard had
cooled off and was looking around to see what the Med Lab needed.
From what he could see, it needed everything!  How in hell, did they
expect him to put together a sickbay outta this mess? And the design!
What idiot had designed this atrocity?

"Been in a fight?" he asked Jim.

"What?"

"The hand," nodding at the taped hand, "the bandage is not working, I
see blood soaking through.  What did you do, kill someone to get the
Captain's chair back?"

Jim gave him a nasty look and looked at the hand. "Nothing serious."

"Let me be the judge of that.  Give it here."  Leonard unwrapped the
bloody bandage and ran a scanner across the wounds.  He couldn't
believe his eyes. There were two vessels severed along with several
ligaments. "Good god, Jim, if I don't repair this you may lose the use
of your fingers.  Sit down."  He got the surgi-phaser kit powered up
and in a few minutes he had the wound nearly closed.  "How did you get
this injury?"

"I just broke a glass a couple of nights ago, nothing important."

"Well, it still looks nasty, but it's sealed and you won't have any
permanent damage.  You may have scars, but I can dissolve them later
if you do."  He looked at Jim, "a glass, huh?"

"Yeah, just a glass."

Leonard didn't believe him, but he didn't press it. 'Great way to
start', he thought.  My first log entry will be a forgery.  'Oh well,
not the first time with this man'.

Jim got up to leave.  When he got to the door he turned back and said,
"Thanks Bones.  I need you here, you know".

Leonard looked at this man to which he could deny nothing and said
with a grin, "Get outta here, I got work to do"!

What all transpired within just a period of thirty-six hours was
beyond belief.  Decker was out and Kirk was in the Captain's chair.
Transporter failures, deaths of two of the crew reporting to the ship,
system failures, wormholes... and just when it couldn't get any
worse...

---

The day he arrived on Vulcan was a faint memory.  At the time he came
off of the transport looking like death. He had not been able to sleep
or eat for days. Meditation failed him.  He had betrayed the two men
that he loved more than life itself.  One he had betrayed by
conspiracy and the other he had turned his back on due to guilt. He
had to rid himself of these emotions. He had to turn to a life that
would hold no feeling. There was only one answer, a life at Gol.

He had contacted his father, the day the Enterprise docked, and asked
him to make the necessary arrangements.  Sarek did as his son asked,
and a car and driver was waiting on him when he arrived at the Vulcan
Central Transportation Center.  Spock proceeded directly to Gol.

For two earth standard years Spock had been one of the most promising
students that had ever undertaken the Kolinahr Discipline. Of course
the Masters did not show pride, but what they were feeling was not far
from it.  Spock being a hybrid, it was assumed he would not have the
capability to achieve Master status.  It was an incorrect assumption.
In this time, measured as eighteen Koreels, by the Masters, Spock
cha'Sarek had managed to achieve the highest level of purity of the
soul that is obtainable.  Now all that was left was for the Koultuck,
or giving of the symbol, by the Vulcan Priestess, for him to be
declared a full Master.

The ceremony was planned for the day that the two planets nearest
Vulcan would line up with the Vulcan sun where they were all three
visible.  This gave the appearance of two bright moons.  An unusual
occurrence due to the fact that the Vulcan had no moons, and this
celestial event only appeared every twenty-two earth standard years,
but it seemed fitting for this event.  Spock had cleansed himself of
even the deepest emotions.  His childhood, the rejections, the hurts,
the pain.  He had gone deep into the years in Starfleet, friendships,
loyalties, passions, betrayals, lust, he had touched on the names,
held them, felt the names in his deepest recesses and there was no
emotion.  All that existed were bits of information, logically filed
away under experiences. He had achieved all that he had worked toward.
He was here, now, pure logic.

The robe he would wear was brought to him.  He stripped off the robe
of the student and donned the robe of a Master.  He waited for the
entourage that would accompany him to the most holy of places.  He
knelt on the terrace in quiet meditation prior to the ceremony. He
rose up from the terrace tiles and looked out over the desert.  This
was a part of his meditation.  He felt the strength of the desert flow
through to him.  He saw the orange sun taking it's place between the
two glowing planets and knew the time was near.  Drawing peace from
the sight he felt a twinge of something, familiar.  Knowing this was
only the peace of pure logic he turned when the Masters came for him.
They made their way up the stone path to the site of the ceremony.  A
place that has seen this same ceremony take place thousands of times.
Peace.  He knelt before the Priestess and looked up to her, but behind
her he saw the bright sun flanked by the two glowing stars. Familiar.
He belonged there once.  The pain came.  He knew what this was. Jim
flanked by Leonard and himself. 'NO, NOT NOW', he demanded of himself.
'PEACE find the PEACE'.  She prepares to place the symbol around
Spock's neck.

'WAIT' his hand went up to block hers. 

"Your thoughts, give them to me" she demanded.

Her fingers found the meld points on his face.  What came to her mind
was logic of the highest order. Understanding of all of the Kolinahr
disciplines to a greater degree than she had ever experienced before.
An ordered sub-conscious that any Vulcan would be honored to achieve.
Perfect streams of thought.  And, love.  Love of two humans.  Undying
all consuming love that histories of the ages had only theorized at.
An awaking of the spirit that this Spock cha'Sarek had only just
become aware of.

The heavy chain of the symbol slipped through her fingers and the
precious stones hitting the hard stone tiles, sounded to Spock, as if
a hundred phaser blasts had just gone off inside his brain.

The jolt of the sound brought him back to full awareness.  He saw her
turn and walk away.  He reached down and caressed the stones as they
lay shimmering in the brightness of the mid-day Vulcan sun.  Then, as
his shields were down and no barrier stood between him and the
universe he heard another calling to him.  He turned to look into the
western sky. He knew where his answers lay.

---

The warp engines are not responding, the communications system is one
step above two tin cans and a string, he had miscalculated a response
when they were pulled into the wormhole and had almost destroyed the
ship, and thus all of Earth, McCoy had come aboard and had discovered
it was Jim that had his status reactivated, all he could do was sit in
the center chair and watch the hub of activity going on around him.
Has he been away to long?  Had he lost his edge? Was he still capable
of commanding this vessel?  He had just gone over the latest reports
when he noticed the attention behind him.  He turned in his chair and
it was as if his soul was ripped open right there on the bridge.
"Spock!" he rose from the chair and went to the rail grabbing on to it
to keep from...what?  Falling to his knees, throwing his arms around
him?  He didn't realize he had uttered his name again until he
recognized his own voice..."Spock!"  Spock looked at Jim with no
emotion at all, their eyes held for a moment, but he turned away and
went right to work feeding the calculations into the computer that
would bring the warp engines back online.

"I offer my services as Science Officer", Spock was saying.

Jim had no true recollection of the exact actions on the bridge during
that time period.  That worried him.  Had seeing Spock reinforced the
fact that he was no longer capable of command?   No, he had never
allowed his personal life to interfere with his ability to command.
It would not do so now.  He had the confidence that he was capable of
handling the situation at hand.  His days as a pawn were over.
Whatever happened, it would be because he would use his expertise and
instincts to guide this crew.  It was a shock to turn and see him
standing there, but Jim had gotten his feet under him quickly enough.
He was able to take charge and handle each event as he saw fit.

"We need him...I need him".  Jim had spoken those words in front of
Spock.  He tried to make it sound as if he was only speaking of the
success of this mission. McCoy understood exactly what Jim was saying.

"Jim, how do we know about any of us?" McCoy had asked.

He knew that he thought he had lost Spock to that thing. He knew that
he would never be a whole person again without him.  He knew that he
would forgive this man anything just to have him back, again.  He knew
that without this man a piece of his heart would not survive.

When Spock had held his hand in the sick bay, Jim had felt some of
that old feeling creeping in but he pulled himself back to reality and
realized this was just the after affect of the meld with the entity.
Since that day Spock had been reserved.  He did not avoid Jim, but
neither did he seek him out.  He could feel that old 'no man's land'
surrounding Spock, again.  When they were discussing the recent events
Spock would stand up very straight and keep his hands clasped behind
his back.  Definitely giving off that old "don't get any closer"
signal. That was fine with Jim, on any level he was glad to have him
back in his life.  He was more than happy to have their relationship
kept on a professional level if that is what Spock needed.

After being released from sickbay Spock had reported to the bridge and
worked side by side with the man he longed for.  After the episode was
over, Scotty told him they could have him back on Vulcan in four days.
His response was, "My mission on Vulcan is complete". He returned to
his cabin and knelt before the fire pot trying to regain the composure
he had come aboard with.  He could not allow himself the luxury of
desire for these men.  He was determined to suppress all of the
emotions as he had done for these years.  He could still feel the heat
where Jim had held his hand.  He could feel the emotions bubbling to
the surface during the meld with V'ger and he was powerless to stop
them. Death would have been much easier than hurting this man, again.
He should have died.  Now he had to regain control over these
feelings.

Spock remembered what it had been to serve with these men before.  The
desire that he could not push away. The times that he had to manually
relieve himself of the overwhelming physical need to seek them out.
The pain he had caused both when his needs overcame his logic.  He
would never allow that to occur again.  He would never allow himself
the release of fantasy.  He would draw on all he had achieved at Gol
to suppress any thoughts he may have regarding a physical or emotional
relationship with these men.  He would do all in his power to serve
these men, to undo the hurt he had caused.

---

Yes, once the V'ger situation was over, he was credited with saving
Earth.  Starfleet Command would be unable to deny him anything after
pulling this one off.  He had sent two of his crewmembers off into
some other dimension, but according to Nogura, although a very
unfortunate loss, it was an entire sector saved.  Even Komack could
not deny that Kirk had pulled off the ultimate rescue.  He didn't have
to like the fact that it was Kirk that had accomplished this, but he
could not deny it.

He knew that Spock was staying here in San Francisco until all
information regarding V'ger had been processed. He was not sure what
plans Spock had after that was completed. Spock had said that his
mission on Vulcan was completed but Jim did not know what that meant.
He secretly hoped that that was an indication that Spock was willing
to stay with Starfleet, thus enabling Jim to still have contact with
him, in whatever capacity Spock chose that contact to be.

The Enterprise still had a long way to go before she was going to be
deep space ready.  What Scotty had spent years working on was now in
shambles.  Kirk went back to the apartment in San Francisco to decide
just where he wanted to fit in with Starfleet, or for that matter, out
of Starfleet.  He had a lot to consider. He stood looking out of the
window but he was looking at the lights of the city.  He was no longer
pulled to search for the group of blue lights in the black sky.  That
no longer seemed all consuming.

The door signal sounded and Jim deactivated the lock and there stood
Leonard at the door of the apartment. Since he had returned to the
ship their relationship had been friendly. Well, after he got over the
fact that it was Jim that had him drafted.  Even on some levels the
same as it had been before that night in Spock's cabin.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Sure, come on in."

"I brought some good ol' Kentucky Bourbon, care for some?"

"Sure, why not.  No crisis seems to be going on tonight."

Leonard poured them both a glass of the amber liquid. They discussed
the mission and the mood around Starfleet Headquarters these days.
After all of the small talk had been covered Leonard looked at Jim and
said, "Jim, I know you were not ready to deal with the past after the
original mission ended, but do you think we can talk about it?  Talk
about what happened that night? Maybe, if not forgive, then at least
get past it?"

"What is there to talk about, Leonard?  That was years ago.  We are
all different people now.  I am willing to just let it go."  He hadn't
let it go, of course.  He was not going to tell Leonard that just
fifteen days ago, in this very spot, he fell apart over this very
subject.  But, he really felt that with McCoy and Spock both being
there, when he needed them, that they had at least laid a foundation
to start again.  He didn't think they would ever be able to pick up
where they had left off.   He wasn't even sure that any of them would
want that.

"Jim, I can't let it go.  It has been nice to all be back together and
on a mission again, but I haven't been able to just let it go.  It
took me almost two years just to stop being numb.  Jim, please, help
me."

Jim looked at his old friend and saw the pain in his face.  'He has
carried this with him just as I have', he thought.

"Alright, lets discuss it.  What do you want to know?"

"Jim, I want to know what your perception is of what went on.  I
thought we had just found each other but before it even gets a chance
to take hold, it's all over."

"Leonard, I did not know when I walked into Spock's quarters that
night that I was being led into a planned event.  I truly thought that
what happening was spontaneous, not a script that you and Spock had
conceived to bring me into your game.  To control me." Jim was
beginning to feel the heat in his neck rise.  He fought against the
rising anger.  He did not want this to take them right back to where
they were after that night.

"What game, Jim?  You were there that night.  You and I...you...I,
Jim, I had never been with a man before that night!  Spock and I did
not have some sexual game going.  That was the first time I ever laid
my hands on you OR Spock!"

"But Spock said that you two had planned it the night before.  That he
had felt your desire through physical contact, and, then on that
night, he offers tea in his cabin, the heat is reduced, you making
some comment about the aphrodisiac qualities of the tea, you just
laying there while he is asking us to join him as lovers. There was
just too much of this set up between you."

"Oh god, Jim. No.  What Spock said to you is that we had discussed the
possibility of the three of us becoming lovers, and I jumped at the
chance!  NOT that we had planned anything!"

"Jim," McCoy continued, "let me tell you what happened the night he
came to me, the night prior to THAT night.

McCoy, remembering the evening Spock came to him, he began to relay
the events to Jim.

"I had been working late to try to get all of the inventory and
reports ready for docking.   I was deep in concentration and the only
one left in the Medical Lab. I was going over some report that was not
making too much sense when I looked up and Spock was standing against
the door.  Scared the shit out of me let me tell you, I thought I was
the only one left in that end of the ship!  Well, after I got my
breath back I asked him what I could do for him."

"Doctor, I would like to talk to you about some things that have come
to my attention.  Something of a personal nature.  Is there a place
where we can discuss this?"  He asked.

"Sure, Spock.  It's late and I would like to break off for a while,
how about my cabin?"

"I am sure that would be fine."  We took the turbolift to my deck and
went into my cabin.  I offered him something to drink, knowing he
would refuse, and low and behold he accepted!  I poured us both a
drink and we sat down in the living area.

"What's eating you Spock?" I asked him.

"Doctor, I assure you that nothing is attempting to consume me."

I turned to him to give him my usual retort, but I saw something in
his face that could only be described as, desire!  Of course he
recovered as soon as I looked at him, but I didn't think I had
imagined it, but I had been imagining a lot of things back then, with
Spock, and with you.

"What do you wish to discuss, Spock?"

"Doctor, ...Leonard, I have recently become aware of some
emotional...interest that you may be feeling toward me.  I would like
to discuss that possibility."

"Possibility, Spock?  Do you mean the possibility that I may have
feelings toward you, or do you mean the possibility of acting on those
feelings?"

"Perhaps, first, we must find out if these feelings exist. Do they?"

"Yes," I replied.  "But, please understand, I do not want to do
anything to upset the apple cart, Spock.  I value your and Jim's
friendship far above anything else that I may desire to happen."

"Am I to understand that these feelings are directed at Jim as well?
That your desire is for the both of us?"

Jeez!  I have done it now!  No sense in denying it, "Yes.  I am
attracted to both of you."

"I understand."

"You understand, what?"

"How you can be attracted to the both of us."

"How can you understand that?"

" I have found myself in a similar emotional state."

"Toward who?"

"The Captain and yourself."

He was at this time sitting on the edge of the chair and looking down
at the floor.  Jim, I didn't know what to say.  My brain was on
overload.  I had fantasies, but I never considered the possibility of
them coming true. He looked up and I just said, "Well, I guess we need
to decide where we go from here."

"I have also detected a similar response from Jim.  I have not
approached him regarding this.  The frequent physical contact and mind
melds that we have shared make me more receptive to his thoughts than
to yours. I do believe that he feels the same about us.  However, I
have been unwilling to discuss this with him.   I am concerned that he
will perceive this as emotional eavesdropping.  It had been my hope
that he would approach me regarding this, but with the mission coming
to a close there is a time factor involved."

"Spock, forgive me, I haven't had the time to collect my thoughts on
this subject that you have, but I believe that if you are interested
in pursing a relationship that involves Jim that you should let him
know.  You are his subordinate officer and, even more important, his
friend.  If he is having these feelings, you should let him know you
would be receptive.  I have to know, where do I fit into this?"

"It would be my utmost desire, Leonard, that we, the three of us,
would be capable of moving our relationship to another level."

"Spock, let me get this straight, you want the three of us to become
lovers?"

"Could you be receptive to such an arrangement, Leonard?"

"Well... Yes...I suppose...Yes I could.  Hell Yes! However, let me
tell you I have never had a male...relationship."

"Then on that point, we would be equal.  However, if you are sharing
my desire for this, I believe the mechanics of the situation would
work themselves out naturally."

"So what are you going to do?"

"We will have out usual chess game tomorrow night in the rec room.  I
suppose I will try to determine, at that time, how best to, or whether
to, proceed.  Since this does involve you, as well, would you care to
join us?"

"Yes.  I will see you both sometime tomorrow evening."

"That's it, Jim.  That is all of the planning that went into this.
Spock was just trying to sort out whether or not he should let you
know his feelings for you, for us. There was never a "sexual game"
being played!  Hell, I don't even know if Spock and I would have had a
sexual relationship that you were not included in. Never had time to
find out."

"I'm sorry, Bones.  I know this was due to my not understanding, and
not staying around long enough to get the facts.  I felt like the
choice had been ripped from me.  I gave up all control to the two of
you that evening.  I could not cope with that.  I felt that with the
ending of the mission I was loosing any control I had on my
professional life, and the two of you, I felt, stripped me of any
control in my personal life.  It seems that I have, once again,
screwed up something that could have been good," Jim stood with his
back to McCoy staring out the window, "for all of us."

"Jim, I don't know where we go from here.  I just think we need to
talk to Spock.  I don't know exactly why he gave up the Kolinhar, but
I gotta think it was more than that machine calling out to him."

Jim turned back to meet his gaze, "Have you heard what his plans are?
I haven't talked to him since we got back."

"No, haven't heard a thing.  But, he didn't tell me before, either.
How about you, Jim? What are your plans?"

"I'm still an Admiral, Bones.  The grade reduction to Captain was only
temporary, I am still Chief of Starfleet Operation's.  I realize now,
that from this position, I can make a difference.  I am through being
Komack's patsy.  If he needs some delegate fucked, he can bloody well
do it himself.  I think Nogura will be more than willing to let me get
involved with issues that will lead this program into the future. I
didn't realize it until just now, but I have the capability to do
that.  Can you understand that, Bones?"

"Yeah, but you know what I've believed all along.  Jim, I think you
will only be happy up there," pointing to the sky with his thumb.

"Maybe, but I will make the best of this.  I have to try."

"So, what are you going to do about Spock?"

"I am going to ask him to come here tomorrow night. Do you want to be
here?"

"I think this is where I came in to begin with!  Yeah, I'll come.
What time?"

"Let me get with Spock tomorrow and I will let you know then.  He may
not be willing to come at all. Bones, what you do not realize, is that
before he left Starfleet we had a discussion.  He referred to what had
gone on between us as "a flaw in judgement".  He may not be interested
in even a social relationship with me, or us."  Jim looked back at
Leonard.  'This is one of the two people I love most.'  He watched the
blue eyes cloud and wanted to wrap his arms around the compact form
and offer comfort.  'I don't even know how to approach him regarding a
relationship between the two of us,' Jim though to himself.  'Now is
not the time, maybe at some point in the future.'

"What about you, Bones.  Are you returning to the New Consolidated
Middle Alliance?"

"Actually, I met with Headquarters this morning," his mood brightening
a little.  "It looks like I will be staying on here.  All of the work
I have left is writing the papers that I wish to publish and Starfleet
gave me the go ahead to write and publish them while keeping my
commission active.  So, I will be staying on here in San Francisco.
At least for the next couple of years."

"Bones, That's great!  I can't tell you how much it means that you
will be sticking around."

It was the first time in years that Leonard had seen that smile.  It
was a great thing to see.

"Well, I better go.  I have got to find a place of my own tomorrow.  I
sure can't stay in the dormitory.  These young kids make me nervous!
Just leave me a message about tomorrow.  Jim, if you decide you should
just talk to him one-on-one I will understand."

McCoy got up and headed for the door.  Jim walked him to the entrance.
He placed his arm around Leonard's shoulders, "Bones, whatever
happens, I just want you to know," he stopped.  Lost for words.
Wanting to tell this man he loved him but afraid to let the words
leave his lips.

"I know, Jim, I know".  Bones looked into the face of this man.
"Everything will be fine."  He opened the door and walked out.

---

Spock had completed his briefing with the Headmaster of Starfleet
Academy.

"Commander Spock, we were very pleased to discover that you would be
interested in Chairing the Science Academy as well as assisting us
with in-flight training. It is rare to find a candidate of such high
caliber to fill these positions." Commander Yow was stating.

"Thank you, Commander.  I, too, was pleased to discover that this
position would be offered to me.  I look forward to contributing all I
can to the Academy."

"Wonderful!  We will look forward to seeing you here on a permanent
basis.  Have you had a chance to view your residence?  Is all
adequate?"

"Quite adequate, Commander.  I will leave, now, to arrange for the
transfer from the dormitory to the apartment."

With that, Spock walked across the grounds of the Academy to the
dormitory where he had temporarily been assigned.  There was little to
arrange transportation for.  Looking at his belongings, there was very
little here that was not Starfleet issue.  Other than the black
traveling outfit he had worn the day he reported to the Enterprise, a
fire pot and one medallion with stones hanging in irregular patterns
from a thick chain, nothing would give an outsider any clue as to
who's quarters' this was.

The COM unit beeped.  He pushed receive and the face of James Kirk
appeared on the screen.

"Admiral Kirk," he stated acknowledging the caller.

"Spock.  How is everything going?  I have received word that you are
considering a position at the Academy.  Are you?"  Jim studied the
face on the screen.  There was no indication of emotion of any kind.

"Actually, I have accepted the position, Admiral.  I will be reporting
as Chair of the Science Academy at the beginning of the week."

"Spock, that is great!  I know they are lucky to get you. I am
preparing dinner this evening.  I would like you to join me if you
have no other plans for tonight."

"No, I have no other plans.  I appreciate the invitation. What time
would you like me to arrive?"

"Let's say 1900 hours."  Jim paused for a moment and then added,
"Spock, I want you to know that I have also invited Leonard McCoy.  I
hope you do not have a problem with that."

"No, I have no specific problem with that.  I will see you at 1900
hours."  The thought of being alone with these men caused his gut to
tighten but his controls were in place.

"Good, Spock.  See you then."

The COM unit went blank.  He had known the man on the other end of
that conservation for seven years.  He had never heard him so
emotionless.  Even when Spock was in his most "Vulcan" state, he had
been quite animated.  It was amazing what that man could do with just
an eyebrow!

He called Leonard McCoy and advised him that dinner was on at his
place at 1900 hours.

"I did advise him that you would be in attendance," Jim told him. "I
didn't want him to get the feeling we were ambushing him."

McCoy took the well-intended point.  "See ya at 7:00, Jim."  He hated
military time.  As the COM unit closed he thought to himself, 'its
gona be a bumpy ride!'

Jim had prepared a vegetarian meal that consisted mainly of eggplant
and cheeses.  It would be covered in an Italian sauce he made with
fresh basil and oregano. 'Absolutely no ginseng or cinnamon in sight!'
he thought to himself.  The smells coming from the kitchen were very
pleasing.  He had decanted one bottle of French, Côte de Nuits,
burgundy, and had another ready to open. He surveyed the apartment,
everything seemed in order.

The door signal sounded.  'It's ShowTime!' he thought. He opened the
door and Spock was standing there.  His heart jumped.  Spock was
wearing the black outfit he had worn the day he appeared on the bridge
of the Enterprise.  The sight of him took Jim's breath away.

"Come on in, Spock." He stepped aside to allow him to enter.

"Good Evening, Admiral.  I hope I am on time."

Jim knew he could set his watch by Spock.  "Of course, come on into
the main room.  Dr. McCoy isn't here yet, but I am sure he will be
joining us shortly.   May I offer you a glass of wine?"

"Yes, Thank you," Spock nodded.

Jim poured two glasses of wine and handed Spock one. He indicated the
couch and said, "have a seat Spock. Did you get settled into your new
quarters today?"

"Thank you," Spock sat on the couch. "Yes, there was not much to
transport.  Everything seems in order."

"The new term will be starting soon, correct?"

"Yes, in ten days.  I will be going over the curriculum for the start
of the session.  I will, also, need to make some staff assignments."

"Why did you decide to stay here at the Academy?" Jim was searching to
find topics to fill the conversation, but with this question Spock had
a glimmer of emotion. At least compared with the stoic behavior since
arriving on board.  Jim continued,  "I know your Mother is a teacher,
did that play a roll in your decision?"

Before he could answer, the door signal sounded. "That will be
Leonard, please excuse me a moment."

He got up and ushered McCoy into the apartment. 

"Well, Hello, Spock!  I haven't seen you since we got back!  How are
things going?"  McCoy was smiling ear-to-ear.  Spock was not.

Jim gave McCoy a glass of wine.  "Spock has taken a position with
Starfleet Academy.  Spock, perhaps you could bring Leonard up to date
while I finish up dinner."

He left the two men in the room, discussing their career choices while
he put the finishing touches on the meal. Jim just stood, for a
moment, in the kitchen catching his breath.  Having the three of them,
together, was sending his emotions into overload.  When he had calmed
down he finished preparing the plates.

When Jim brought the plates in and placed them at the table they got
up and went to the table. Jim indicated for each to have a seat.
"Would you care to drink the wine, or would either of you prefer a cup
of tea?"  'Oh crap!  Why did I mention tea!'

"The wine is fine, Jim." McCoy answered.

"Yes, this is very satisfactory," agreed Spock.

Dinner progressed with each talking about the mission they had just
come off of, as well as their individual plans.  All had decided to
stay with Starfleet, and all were to be stationed in San Francisco.
Of course they would all be in different areas of service, but Jim
found it comforting that they were, once again, close both physically
and tonight, for the first time, emotionally. The embers of the
friendship that these three had shared seemed to be glowing, again.

Spock had even seemed to open up a little over the meal, or maybe it
was the wine.  Between the three of them, they had finished the two
bottles.  Jim suggested that they move back to the main room.  Spock
picked up two plates and headed back to the kitchen.  "Just leave it,
Spock, I'll throw all of that in the recycler later."

"Quite all right, I do not mind."  He proceeded to carry his and
McCoy's plates to the kitchen.  Jim picked up his and followed.  The
kitchen area really was not much more that a galley.  Spock sat the
plates on the counter and turned around to find himself chest to chest
to Jim. They stood there for a moment just looking at each other.  Jim
sat his plate down and Spock slipped past him and went back out to the
couch where he had sat before.

Leonard had already opened the liquor cabinet and poured each some
brandy.  He handed Jim his glass as he followed Spock into the room.
McCoy had taken one chair and Jim sat in the other.  Jim didn't sit
back, he sat on the edge of the chair holding the brandy with both
hands and looked directly at Spock. "You didn't tell me why you
accepted a position with the Academy. May I ask you now, why?"

'I could not lie to him, not now, not ever.' The thought ran through
Spock's mind.  This is what he told McCoy that evening.  Could he lie
to him anymore now, than then?  "I felt it was where I could put my
experience to the most good, for all," he replied.  Not a lie, just an
omission.

"Spock, do you mind if I ask you some rather personal questions?  I do
not want to cause a break in our relationship, again.  I do not want
to do anything to cause you to go away again, but...there are
things...from the past, that I would like to discuss." Those were the
hardest words he had ever had to say to this man.  Afraid of the
response, unable to conceive of life without this man in it as his
friend.

 "Admiral, you, either of you, may ask anything you wish.  I will do
my best to respond.  I have no intention of going anywhere."

Leonard sat there just watching these men.  If there had been an
electric meter in this room, the amount of emotionally charged static
electricity would have been off the scale.  He could feel the hair on
his neck standing up.  He knew what he wanted, what he needed. It was
all in the hands of the men in front of him.  He sat and watched and
listened.

"Spock, first I want to apologize to you for my actions during the
last days of the original mission.  I have always had a predilection
toward jumping to conclusions where personal relationships are
concerned. I was feeling much more than coerced by you, but by
Starfleet, as well.  I denied it to myself at the time, but I had
known for weeks, that they had something else in mind other than an
assignment to a ship."

"Jim, it is I that owe you an apology.  I should never have let my
emotions take over.  It was a flaw in my judgement that caused the
situation.  Had I never approached either of you regarding my
inability to control these emotions, all would have been well.  I have
taken steps, these last years, to better assist me in the future with
this flaw."

"Is that what you meant by a 'flaw in judgement'? Your inability to
hide your emotions?  Is that what you think, Spock?"  Relief flooded
Jim's body.  Spock did not see him as the flaw in judgement, he saw
the ability to control his emotions as the flaw!  "Do you really
believe that to ignore your feelings will make everything fine?  I
hate to differ with you, my friend, but I see you as the only one of
us who had the courage to address what we were all feeling."

Spock looked at McCoy who saluted his glass in agreement with what Jim
had said.

"Spock, did you find your answers with V'ger?" Jim asked.


Spock looked back at Jim, "My answers were never with V'ger, nor were
my answers on Vulcan, Jim."

"Then have you found your answers?"

"Yes, I believe I have."

"What are they, Spock?"

"Before I answer that, may I ask you if you have found your answers?"

Jim looked down at the floor and swirled the liquid in the glass.  His
answers.  He had only just recently realized the questions. Could he
function in capacity as Admiral in Starfleet?  Could he still command
if required?  Could his life have any meaning if these two men were
not in it?  He now knew the answer to the first two. The answer to
both was, yes.

He looked back up to Spock, "I have found most of my answers, I have
one I am still working on."

Spock saw the hazel eyes looking at him from underneath a fringe of
golden lashes.  These are the eyes that pierced his soul.  'I can not
keep my composure around these men anymore than I could stop
breathing.  I can feel my resolve weakening.  However, I can not lie
to this man.'  "My question was whether my answers lay in logic, or
elsewhere.  The answer is elsewhere."

Jim watched this man's mouth move when he spoke, watched the eyes
become so very black.  Was he ever going to be able to be around him,
again, and not be aroused?  He looked at McCoy.  These men were the
substances of his very being.  He found the answer to his third
question.  No, his life would have no meaning without these two in it.
No more so than if someone removed his heart.  He felt his body come
alive.

"Spock, why are you taking the position at the Academy?"

No more omissions...the time for the full truth. Spock looked away,
"Because you are here.  My answer, Jim, was to stay as near as
possible, to the both of you.  In whatever capacity either of you
wishes.  To serve you both in any way I can, to undo any pain I have
caused."  He looked back to the men in front of him.  "To be with you.
My answer is, you."

"Spock, I know that you never betrayed me or anyone else.  I was
jumping to a lot of conclusions two years ago.  I was having my
control stripped from me at every turn.  It was me, Spock, not
anything that you, or Bones did.  I am so very sorry to you both for
this" Jim looked from the black eyes in front of him to the blue ones
beside him.  "I couldn't see beyond the Captain's chair."

Jim sat in the chair looking at the two people that he desired.  'I
will no longer hide from these men.  I will never again be afraid of
losing my control, not to these two. They are my control.  I may be
able to lead without them, but I have no balance without them.'  Jim
rose to standing.  His arousal was obvious. He was trembling, his
voice shook as he said, "I will not hide what I am feeling, my needs,
from either of you. I will not hide anything from either of you, ever
again. Spock, are you able to accept that?"

Spock rose, Jim held his breath, afraid that Spock would walk out of
the door.  He stepped in front of Jim, looking down at the obvious
enlargement, he reached out and put his arms around Jim's waist and
pulled him close.  Jim could feel Spock's body quivering.  The
emotions were tearing away the shield he had spent two years building.
These men, the one with the eyes of gold and the one with the eyes of
the bright sky were his soul.  He had been afraid he would lose
himself to these men, but instead he was found, and loved.  Spock
brushed his lips against the golden fringe above one golden eye.  He
reached out his hand and pulled the other, his other, into the
embrace.

Jim wrapped his arm around McCoy and pulled him tight to them.  His
noticed Bones' face was wet.  Jim wasn't sure, but he thought his
might be as well.  "No turning back?" he asked of them both.

"Never," purred Spock into Jim's neck where he had buried his face.
His erection was pressing into Jim's hip and his voice was becoming
rough.

"Bones?" Jim asked.

Leonard found Jim's mouth with his own, "No, never," he responded with
a ragged whisper.

"Then gentlemen, let me show you the rest of the apartment.  I think
you both will find the bedroom extremely pleasing.  I like a big bed,
you know."

---

The End