The BLTS Archive- Jewelry and Bleeding Hearts: When Tomorrow Comes by Trexphile (trxphile@cox.net) --- ARCHIVE: Yes to ASC. If you'd like this one, please ask me first. AUTHOR'S NOTES: This started out as an answer to zoinky's Valentine challenge many moons ago, then morphed into something else. The fifth and final part is not yet written, but after much angsting on my part, I decided to go ahead and post the four parts that are finished. I've attempted to write each part in a different style, utilizing varying POVs and tenses. DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns all. Song lyric acknowledgments will be included in the final post. June 2000 --- Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together I just want to stay with you in this moment forever Forever and ever --- HE Do you dream of me? I don't know why I want to know. Maybe because sometimes you're so far away even when I think we're as close as two people can be. There's so much of you I want to know, so much that you haven't let me see. Do you do that by choice? I think maybe you've done it for so long, kept your secret self hidden from those who might do you harm, that you don't know anymore how to let it free for others to love. For me to love. Perhaps if I were in your dreams I would be that much closer to knowing all of you. You know all of me. Despite what the world may think, I'm a simple man. There is no mystery lying behind my eyes, no dark secrets that I'll never share. I've shared all with you, and gladly. I've tried not to be frustrated that you haven't done the same. For these past five years, I've awakened every morning with you beside me and been so very grateful that you're here. You've given me a love that I've never had, that I'd given up all hope of having. I'm not an easy man to love yet you've managed to do it. And you're still here. Here. Right here. Right now. As I watch you sleep, I wish that I could stop time, that I could stay in this moment forever. It would be just you and me. I know that there are things we need to discuss, plans that we must make. I haven't told you yet, my love, but I will retire at the end of six months' time. What will happen to us then? You're so much younger than I -- you still have so much to give in service. Can we survive? Can we still *be* outside this moment? I don't want to think on it anymore. Not tonight. Not while you're breathing beside me, dreaming of that which I'll never learn. Just this once, dream of me. --- SHE Strange how sleep can transform the face, make the sternest of countenances as trouble-free as a baby's. Who would believe if they saw you now, sleeping in my arms, that only a few hours ago you were staring death in the face and not backing down. Once again you've saved us, my darling, and once again I've held you afterward and listened to the fears that you won't allow anyone but me to know. I'm glad that I can be here for you to help purge those fears just as you have purged mine times before. But you don't know all my fears. I could never share just what frightens me the most. The future. The future frightens me more now than it ever did before. And I'm so sorry, my love, but it's because you are now a part of my future. When it was just me, alone, I never thought much about tomorrow. There were those who depended on my professional abilities but it wasn't *me* they needed. And that's what scares me. I love you so very passionately but I don't know if I can always be there for you. Surely you realize that I love my career, that there is still so much I want to accomplish. Oh, Jean-Luc. We've had so many opportunities to talk about what the future holds for us yet you never will speak of it. For soon you will be leaving Starfleet, soon I must make a choice. Is that why you speak only of the present? Because you too are afraid? There's more. And as I caress the face that is so dear to me, I'm struck by a chilling premonition. What will I do when you're gone? It's something I've refused to think about. But barring any accident or sudden incurable disease, it's inevitable that I will outlive you. I don't know why this frightens me so -- after all, I've lost a man to death and survived. Of course, when you've a child to raise, your own needs and fears tend to fall by the wayside. That won't be the case when this particular tomorrow comes -- there will be no children for us. When you're gone, there will be no piece of you left for me to hold on to and treasure. Do you see, my love, why I must not surrender my whole being to you? For when you leave me, I must still have something left. I don't want to think of it anymore. Right now I just want to hold you and watch you sleep. And I want you to know that when tomorrow comes I'll be with you. As long as I can. --- Last night while you were lying in my arms And I was wondering where you were You know you looked just like a baby Fast asleep in this dangerous world Every star was shining brightly Just like a million years before And we were feeling very small Underneath the universe And you know that I'm gonna be the one Who'll be there when you need someone to depend upon When tomorrow comes --- The End