The BLTS Archive- Facing The Truth
by T'Reija (Theganan@gmx.de)

---

Post/Archive: ASC, ASCEM(L), BLTS, R'Rain's all others please ask
first.

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and it's characters belong to
Paramount, I merely claim this story.

Note: As said in the summary, this is the sequel to "To Face The
Truth". Didn't plan it at first, but I got very much and very nice
resonance for that (and complains about it being not detailed enough,
about having the feeling to be left 'hanging in the air'). So I
decided to take a try at my first longer story. (Remember, *you* asked
for it <g>) I'll be writing this in segments, so I might have to
repost it as a revised version sometime if I detect *too* many
mistakes, but that works better for me than to store it all on my hard
disk. I don't have much time for writing, but I'll to write at least
one, perhaps two or three segments per week (I really don't know how
long this will be, and apologies in advance for each of them being so
short). Thanks for your patience, and I hope you'll enjoy it, despite
the rather unpleasant topic.

Written for all women who have to go through this or similar
situations (or men, of course, it's only more often like this for
women). And to all the kids who have to suffer with them, who have to
suddenly live without one of their parents and can't understand why.

May 1999

---

It's now been a week since I first suspected that Miles is cheating on
me.  Oh, I've thought about it before, about the possibility, but I
could never believe... Gods, I repressed every thought of it at day. 
And at night, when I couldn't silence the voices in my head any
longer, I would ascribe it to tiredness, to the tension everyone was
in.

But since that day I've been picturing it, again and again.  And it
hurts, so much.  I don't know if my suspicions are correct, if it's
really Julian he's with all these times... but I'm quite sure he's
*not* at work.  There's too much pointing against it.

Yesterday, I almost went to Julian, to confront him.  Ask him if I was
right.  I guess he wouldn't have admitted it anyway, so it's just as
well I didn't, but I can't stop wondering... I always liked Julian. 
Sure, sometimes I was a little jealous, not like now though, but
because Miles spent so much time with him... still, I thought him a
sincere, honest and respectable person.  But then, I thought the same
thing about Miles.

Something stopped me from going to him, is still stopping me.  Is it
my fear of the truth?  Do I want to believe I'm only imagining things? 
No, not anymore.  I need clarity. And I feel I deserve it, too.  Maybe
I haven't always been a perfect wife.  Maybe sometimes I neglected
him, made him feel he needed someone else in his life besides me. 
Maybe I gave him too much freedom?  Of course, what could I have done,
I couldn't lock him up... but being away from him, on Bajor, maybe
that let him behind with a feeling of too much independence.

This is so wrong.  I'm still blaming myself, have done so all of the
past week.  Do I have that low a self-esteem?  So, perhaps I wasn't
perfect, perhaps I *should* have done some things differently.  But
that doesn't give him the right to... to treat me like this.

I need to know for sure.  I won't be able to stop this before I do. 
Talk to Julian I can't... and Miles has lied to me at least once
already, when he said he was at work.  And maybe a second time, when
he told me he loved me.  No, but there's one person on board who
knows, or who seems to know.  No wonder, after all, he's Julian's
closest friend, besides Miles that is...

Garak.  That was one more thing I was wondering about, why was Garak
so interested in letting me know about their affair?  If they have an
affair, that is.  And there's only one explanation I can think of.  He
desires Julian, or even loves him.  I've never had much to do with him
beyond buying clothes at his shop, but that would make us allies of
some sort, I guess.

Because I want Miles back, even if he *is* being unfaithful.  Not only
for Molly and Yoshi, but for myself.  If there's only the slightest
chance that he still loves me, I'm willing to fight for him, with all
means necessary.

Quickly I grab an old dress from the wardrobe and leave for the
Promenade.  The children are with Leeta, so I don't have to worry
about them for the moment.  Leeta has been very kind to me this last
week, helping me out in every way possible, but never asking, never
pushing me.  I did tell her that I thought Miles was having an affair,
but not with whom.  And she offered me to take care of Molly and Yoshi
sometimes, so that I would have a few quiet hours to myself.  I don't
know how I will ever be able to thank her for it.

Entering Garak's shop, I try to concentrate on how to go on about
this.  Garak may be on my side, but he still is a total mystery to me.

"Ah, Mrs. O'Brien.  How nice to see you."  Involuntarily, I flinch at
the name.  And looking into his eyes, I know he's noticed it.  He
doesn't comment on it, though, thank god.

I greet him back, examining the wall behind him.  His head turns
slowly.  His eyes fix the spot on the wall, then move to the cuddled
cloth in my hands.  And then he does something unsuspected.  He goes
to the door and puts up the "Closed" sign.

"Mr. Garak?"

"I reckon you haven't come to ask me to mend that dress again, did
you?"

Of course.  The dress I so hurriedly picked up on my way out, it's the
same I brought last time, merely a week and a half ago.

"No.  I... I don't know how to start, but... last week, when I was
here, I got this, well, impression..."  I stop, unsure how to
continue. This gaze of his drives me mad.

"What... impression... might that be, my dear?"

Will he really make me voice it?  If I could turn around right now,
leave the shop and go back to ignorance, I would.  But it's too late
for that.

"It's about my husband.  I thought you were trying to tell me
something about him, and I've been thinking about it a lot these last
few days... to be honest, there was hardly ever a time I was *not*
thinking about it... I mean... I..."  Damn.  Somehow, I'm not able to
say only one comprehensive sentence at the moment.

"So, you have come to the same conclusion as I have."  He says it
calmly, never seizing to stare right at me.  Probably not even
blinking.

"I... I think so, yes.  Well, at first I had no idea what you were
talking about, but it got clearer and clearer to me that, pardon me
for saying so, you had some sort of... personal interest in my
husband's... sincerity, and that the only thing that you and he have
in common is your friendship with Dr. Bashir.  From there it wasn't
hard to guess of what kind your intentions towards the doctor are."

That came out quite unkind, I guess, for now *he* actually flinched. 
A tiny part of me even took some sort of perverse pleasure out of it,
but a much larger part felt with him.  After all, I know what it's
like...

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend you or something."

Somewhat impatiently, he waves my apology off.  I think he's not a man
who likes to talk about his feelings, much less display them for
anyone to see.

"Well,"  I continue, surer of myself now that I am confirmed,  "I
don't know about you.  But I certainly won't stand there and watch
this.  I thought, if we would... like, work together or something,
there would be a greater chance for both of us to get... what we
want."

And I wait for his answer...

It seems my unyielding return of his intense gaze has convinced him to
trust me... at least a little.  I know what he's going to say even
before he opens his mouth.

"It could indeed, turn out to be prosperous.  For both of us. What
should we do, have you thought about anything?"

I know also that he thinks I'm too innocent or naive to come up with
something.  Well, no doubt his plans would be much more sneaky than
what I'll propose.  But he doesn't exactly have much choice, does he? 
Surely he doesn't mislead himself to think he has any kind of control
over Julian, while it is at least possible that I have over Miles...
if he still loves me at all.  And his two children, of course.

"First I have to know how it all happened... how it started, what both
of them were feeling, thinking.  Only then will I know how to go on."

"Indeed.  Know thy enemy, and thee shalt conquer him."

"I don't exactly like to think of either Miles *or* Julian as enemy. 
We're not at war, Garak."

"War and love are closer to each other than one might believe, my
dear," he grins, showing a row of teeth.  In any other situation than
this, I'd consider *him* the enemy.

"So," I decide to ignore the comment, "how did you find out? Did
Julian tell you?  And if yes, *what* did he tell you?"

The grin fades from his face, and he suddenly looks very... if ever a
Cardassian looks vulnerable, it's him right now.  "No, our friend the
doctor was quite... discreet about the whole business.  It was more or
less by accident that I discovered.  Let's just say sometimes walls
have ears."

Nicely put for sneaking.  I did now what I was going into before I
came here.  And anyway, damn the man for being so hard to look
through.

Suddenly, his eyes wander over to the door of his shop, apparently
seeing someone on the Promenade.  I turn around.  It's Julian.  And
he's heading directly towards the shop, frowning at the 'closed' sign.

Garak slowly walks towards the doors, opens them and turns around the
sign.

"My dear doctor, how nice of you to come by.  I must have been a
little distracted this morning, not to turn around the sign.  And I
was wondering why there were so few customers today."

I can't tell if Julian believes him or not, but does it matter,
really?  I'd rather not look at him too closely anyway right now.  To
think of what he and Miles...

"Oh, *Mrs. O'Brien*," he goes on, emphasising my name again, this
time, no doubt, to see Dr. Bashir's reaction.  If there is one, I fail
to detect it.  "As I way just about to say before the doctor walked
in, I mended your dress.  A wonderful piece of fabric, I might add,
and a pity you don't wear it more often."

He hands me the dress from the counter behind which he had by now
moved.  Surprised, I notice the two small chips he's passing along
with it.  I hide them in my hand, letting the cloth fall over it so
that Julian won't see.

"Uh, thanks.  Put it on my bill, please, I, um, forgot my purse in my
quarters.  Goodbye, Garak.  Bye, Julian."

I leave the shop, heading for my quarters, then halting.  Molly and
Yoshi.  Leeta's shift starts in an hour, so I'll have to go pick them
up.  Whatever's on the chips - their audio-disks, as I now realize -
it'll have to wait until tomorrow.  Good.  I'm not even sure I want to
hear it at all.

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The End