The BLTS Archive- To Face The Truth by T'Reija (Theganan@gmx.de) --- Post/Archive: ASC, ASCEM(L), BLTS, all others please ask first. Disclaimer: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and it's characters belong to Paramount, I merely claim this story. "To face the truth" is by the Pet Shop Boys (Neil Tennant & Chris Lowe) and can be found on their album "Behaviour". Note: Another PSB-MV... I just luv them boys! Er, their music, I mean ;)). As to the rating... I labelled this PG first, but when I read it through again I wasn't sure if I should rather rate it PG-13. So I did, just to be on the safe side. There aren't any "adult subjects" really, 'cause in RL, many kids have to face this, but if it's anything like what I planned, it's, well, sensitive. Written for all women who have to go through this or similar situations (or men, of course, it's only more often like this for women). And to all the kids who have to suffer with them, who have to suddenly live without one of their parents and can't understand why. Author's note: Sorry for the bummer, and my apologies to any O'Brien fan out there. I don't dislike him, in fact, I think he adds some reality to the series, a married family man. But when I have an idea, it bugs me until I write it down and post it. And it's not different in Real Life. Feedback, comments, as always, are very welcome. If you must flame, please, feel free to do so. But I'd rather you tell me *what* you didn't like. April 1999 --- Another night alone, in our quarters, while he isn't there. I've been pacing for ages, it seems, waiting for him to return, or at least comm me. Molly's long asleep, Yoshi woke up twice, but he's quiet now, thank God. I should catch some sleep myself, but I can't, I just can't. I want to wait for him, need to confront him. I just have to *know*. On the other hand, maybe it's better if I don't. --- //You know it hurts me when you lie Sometimes it even makes me cry 'Cause I'm so in love with you If you don't believe what I have said Take a look, my eyes are red 'Cause I'm so in love with you// --- It all started two months ago. Miles had more to do at work, he said it was due to the situation, that they all had to make sacrifices. The station needed him. Miles, I wanted to tell him, I need you too. I didn't. What he explained made sense. The Federation was at stake, the Dominion threat was real, was there, and everyone was working hard. I understood. I shouldn't have, but I did. But then it was more and more often, and later and later at night. Sometimes he didn't come home at all before breakfast. Last week, he didn't even bother with that once. He tells me he loves me, does he mean it? I know I love him, and I always will, that's why I married him, back on the Enterprise. That's why I'm here, waiting, longing. If I could just... sometimes I wish we'd never come here to this station. Then we'd have more time for each other, for our children. --- //But all those sleepless nights in bed When you've been out somewhere instead I wonder if you care and cannot bear the proof It hurts too much to face the truth To face the truth// --- Molly and Kirayoshi, maybe they're the reason I can't face what seems to be evident. That he's... he's cheating on me. There's so much indicating that. The nights. The way he smells when he comes home, like he just was in the shower. And Garak... I don't even want to think about that. When I went to pick up a dress at his shop, he'd kept on making... suggestions. Quite concealed ones, I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't thought about this before. What's he got to do with it anyway? The only reason I could imagine would be that Miles was with someone Garak cared for, but the only one I know of who meets that criteria is Ziyal, and that's impossible, to say the least. She's... she's a child. Oh, biologically, she's a woman, but... No. by now, I trust Miles to do a lot of things I would have never imagined him doing before, but not that. --- //A lawyer with a case to prove Would sift the evidence, then move It's the only thing to do So why then can't I face the facts? Sift this evidence that backs I am so in love with you// --- "Computer." The familiar sound chirps harshly, dangerously. It's just a computer, Keiko, get a hang of yourself. "Computer, locate... delay request." How many times have I done this before? I realize that I don't really want certainty. Perhaps I want to believe that he's just at work, that Garak is lying, that it's all a bad dream. --- //But all the nights when you have said You must be somewhere else instead I wonder where you go, but daren't expose the proof It hurts too much to face the truth To face the truth To face the truth// --- Yoshi's awake again, I can hear him cry. He does that a lot now. Teething. So I get up and fetch iced waffles from the replicator. Sometimes they help. All I want it that I can sleep again at night. One single night, from evening to morning, without any disturbance. No, all I want is to have Miles back. --- //You are the only one, the only one// --- How can he anyway? I'd never dream of deceiving him. I mean, I had the opportunity more than once, I just wasn't *interested*. Not only am I a married woman with now two children, I *love* Miles, in a way I couldn't love another man. --- //You know it hurts me when you lie Sometimes it even makes me cry 'Cause I'm so in love with you If you don't believe what I have said Take a look, my eyes are red 'Cause I'm so in love with you// --- Suddenly, I can hear the door to our quarters swoosh open, he's back. Three hours after the end of his shift. He looks tired all right, but somehow I wonder if it's from work or... something else. He gives me a quick kiss on the lips, and then retreats to the bedroom. No 'hello sweetheart', or 'how was your day' or a simple hug. "Miles." "Yeah?" "We need to talk." "Now? Sweetheart, I had a hard day at work, and I'm really worn out. Can't this wait till tomorrow?" "/Miles/." I know I sound impatient, I /want/ to. "Miles, where were you tonight? And the night before, and... and..." "Why, I told you. The replicators in sickbay weren't working, and without them, Julian can't synthesise medicine. It took ages just to locate the error, two circuits right in the centre were burned through, so we had to check everything bit by bit. I'm sorry, pumpkin'." He moves closer now, but does he mean it? Why is he *doing* this to me? Julian's probably seeing more of him than I am at the moment... Julian? Of course, and that's why Garak was... oh no... --- //But all the nights you don't show up I know it's time I should grow up I ask you if you care, you stand and stare aloof It hurts too much to face the truth To face the truth To face the truth// --- "Do you really love me?" I can't stop the tears coming to my eyes. "Of /course/ I do, Keiko. I love you, with all my heart. You know that, don't you?" No, I don't. Not anymore. "Sure," I reply, before receiving a quick kiss on the lips. Then he asks if I'm alright and leaves me. Yoshi's crying again, so he can't hear my own low sobs... --- The End