The BLTS Archive- Liberation
by T'Reija (Theganan@gmx.de)

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Archive: ASC/EM, others please tell me

Disclaimers: Everything Star Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom,
everything except those things that are inside my head. And even if
that belonged to them too, they'd get it only over my dead body ;)).
The song "Liberation" belongs to the Pet Shop Boys (Neil Tennant &
Chris Lowe) and can be found on the album "Very".

Thanks to Laura, who wrote some wonderful music videos for other PSB
songs (and who ever said I'd imitate?!? You all know, great minds...)

Feedback, as well as constructive criticism, is highly appreciated.

November 1998

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//Take my hand,
I've changed my mind again
Really, I believed it true
That all who fell in love were foolish
But I was wrong,
I've learned that lesson well//
---

Jim and I, we spent so many years together, so many 'adventures',
so many evenings playing chess, talking, only the two of us. There
were always others, of course, Dr. McCoy, for instance, but Jim was
the only one I let myself get that close to. And with the many
contacts our minds had with each other, it was no surprise to me when
he told me he loved me. It shouldn't have been. Nevertheless, I was
shocked, maybe even scared. Scared from his feelings, or my own? Back
then, I should have told the truth, that I felt the same way, it
would have spared us both so much pain. But I hurt him instead, left
without an explanation, without even saying good-bye.

---

//All the way back home at midnight
You were sleeping on my shoulder//
---

And in spite of everything that has happened, he was still there,
waiting for me. He was willing to forgive, and give me a second
chance. When he offered his hand to me in sickbay, all I could sense
were friendship, forgiveness, and a love so true and deep as could
be. And I was willing to take this chance.

---
//Take my hand,
Don't think of obligations
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation
To free in me
The trust, I never dared
I always thought the risk too great
But suddenly, I don't hesitate//
---

Yes, that's what it was, a chance. I always thought emotions to be
my weakness, Jim showed me that they could also mean strength. Maybe
logic isn't the ultimate goal after all. Maybe there *is* a middleway
I can take, as my mother had always told me. I don't know. All I know
is that it was his love that liberated me from the burdens I had made
for myself.

---
//So take my hand,
Don't think of complications
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation
Liberation//
---

That one evening, it changed everything. We were on Earth, after
stopping V'Ger. We watched the stars, and we were sitting on a bench,
so close, almost touching, but not quite. I could hear him breathe
next to me, could feel the warm air from his nostrils stroke my neck,
tickle my ear as he whispered those words I had been so afraid of
before, those words I then cherished. "I love you, Spock" I could
barely hear him, he had spoken so quietly. Had he noticed himself, or
was it unconscious?

---
//The night, the stars
A light shone through the dark
All the way back home at midnight
You were sleeping on my shoulder//
---

Jim's head rested on my shoulder, and we sat there for ages it
seemed, just being close, my hand on the small of his back. Neither
of us spoke, there was no need for words, not anymore.

At some point he must have fallen asleep. Careful not to wake him,
I stroked his hair, and for the first time in my life, I was
completely free.

---
//Take my hand,
Don't think of hesitation
Now, right now,
Your love is liberation
Liberation//
---

The End