The BLTS Archive- To Face Reality
by T'Lin (linkys@aol.com)

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Feedback: gladly accepted.

Archiving: Kirk Fuh-Q Fest, ASC/ASCEM, BLTS and my own web page


Note: Part of the "Kirk Fuhq Fest"

Warning: This story contains m/m sex ... if this isn't your thing, or
if you're underage, READ NO FURTHER ... this is fair warning!

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all things TREK ... I just borrow
their wonderful universe, and all the people in it, and let them have
a little fun. I promise to put them all away when I am done. No
copyright infringement intended, I make no money off of this.

T'Lin - August 2000

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PERSONAL LOG:


I have tried to meditate ... to clear my mind of the hopelessness and
depression I am feeling. But I see the situation we are in and can not
help myself ... we are lost, so far from home that, baring a miracle,
most of our crew members will not live to see their homes again.

I tell myself that the Captain is resourceful ... that we *will* find
our way home sooner ... but late at night, when I feel vulnerable and
alone, I doubt her abilities.

< there is a pause in the recording, then Vorik continues in a quiet
voice >

Late at night ... when I am lonely ... I think back on the life I had.
The life I shared with Spock ... and all we could have been if it were
not for James T. Kirk. If Spock hadn't left me, when he heard that
Kirk was 'alive' in the NEXUS, I would not have taken a starship post
... I would not be stuck in the Delta Quadrant ... I would not be
alone.

Today, as I meditated, I came to the realization that I must find out
more about Kirk, and what he was to Spock. Try to understand why,
after all these years, Spock was still drawn to him ... even from the
grave.

Perhaps then I will be able to find the peace I need to go on with my
life ... after all, if I am to survive this long journey, I will need
to find another mate.

END LOG ---

Vorik had booked the Holosuite for the next hour ... and in doing so,
also pulled up the historical records of James T. Kirk. He had asked
the computer to examine them and extrapolate the data where his
relationship with Spock came into play. He was not surprised by the
sheer volume of such entries ... after all, they had served together
on two 5-year missions, as well as countless other assignments,
several life-or-death situations ... and even saved Earth on more than
one occasion.

When Spock died, Kirk grieved ... then risked everything to save his
katra ... and eventually resurrect his friend. Later, when Kirk died,
Spock was devastated. He spent years searching for his friend ...
never truly believing he was dead. Eventually, he went on with his
life, but at the first word that Kirk was alive ... some 80-years
after his *death* on the ENTERPRISE B ... Spock dropped everything to
seek out his old lover ... including Vorik. This is what Vorik needed
to understand. What was it about Kirk that drove Spock from his bed
... and his life?

"Computer ... use historical documents to re-create James T. Kirk."

"Specify time-frame," intoned the computer.

"Re-create Kirk from Earth date 2264 ... shortly after he assumed
command of USS ENTERPRISE." Vorik thought for a minute, then
continued, "make him fully interactive. As time passes, have him
change and age according to the historical record."

"Program complete ... you may enter."

Vorik entered to find Captain James T. Kirk sitting at a desk, in what
had to be his office aboard the original ENTERPRISE. He was young,
barely 31 at the time, with wavy, sandy-blond hair,  piercing hazel
eyes, and the physique of a man who keeps in top condition. Vorik
could see why Spock would be attracted to him on a physical level, but
he also knew Spock ... there had to be more to it than mere
physicality.

As he approached the desk, Kirk looked up, asking, "May I help you
...?"

"Vorik, Sir. I am conducting research into prolonged space journeys,
and the effect they have on the interpersonal relationships of
crewmembers." He had devised this line of questioning in order to
examine all aspects of their relationship, not just the apparent
physical one, because it was the *full relationship* that he needed to
understand. "I am especially interested in the command staff ... to
see how prolonged contact, on a daily basis, influences their life
choices."

"Please, have a seat." As Vorik sat, Kirk flashed him one of his
famous smiles ... Vorik's heart fluttered in his side. Kirk was well
known for his considerable charm, and Vorik was already partially
under his spell. "So, tell me, Vorik ... what would you like to know
about me and my command staff?" he said with a smile. He chuckled
slightly as he went on, "and if I'm not being too presumptuous, may I
assume that by *command staff*, you are referring to Commander Spock?"

"To be blunt, yes ... I am curious about your relationship with him.
All aspects of it."

"May I ask why?" Kirk was genuinely curious.

Vorik hesitated a moment, but realized that it didn't really matter if
Kirk knew his motivation for this inquiry. As a hologram program, Kirk
would not be influenced by the knowledge of future events when
answering his questions. "Of course you may," he answered, then
stopped to compose himself before continuing, "I am from your future.
To be more precise, nearly 90 years in your future."

He paused, noting the increased curiosity of his companion. "Until a
year ago, I had been Spock's lover ..." At these words, Kirk raised
his eyebrow, much like Spock would have done. Vorik could see his
scepticism at this revelation, but he did not question. Vorik
continued, "we had been together for nearly five years. I believe we
would still be together, today, if it were not for you." 

The room was quiet for several moments. Finally, Kirk broke the
silence, saying, "I'm not sure if I understand you ... by your time, I
must surely be long dead ... how can *I* have any influence on your
relationship with Spock?"

"That is a fair question ... although one I am not prepared to answer
at this time." Vorik said with a hint of a smile. Seeing an answering
smile on Kirk's lips, he went on, "Talk to me ... let me get to know
you, as he did ... then, I hope both of our questions will be
answered."

---

For the rest of the hour, Kirk told of his exploits during their first
5-year mission, and how his friendship with Spock developed during
that time.

Apparently, it was about halfway through this mission, when Spock
experienced his first Pon Farr, that their friendship developed into
something more. Kirk had risked everything to save his friend ... not
for the first time ... and certainly not the last ... this was a major
turning point in their relationship. 

"Actually," Kirk said, only moments later, "that is not entirely true.
It was at this time that we *acknowledged* our mutual attraction ...
and it was at that time that Spock taught me what it meant to be
*t'hy'la* ... but we had been *t'hy'la* long before we ever said it
out loud."

As his allotted time in the holodeck came to an end, Vorik instructed
the computer to save the program, and continue from this point when he
returned. Although he had barely started his investigation into their
relationship, he already had a good understanding about it. He could
sense from Kirk's words that they had been something unique in this
universe .. two people who were truly *soul-mates*.

Vorik had much to think about, as he lay alone in his bed that night.

---

His flesh burned ... he was on fire. He had thrown off the covers, and
stripped out of his damp bed clothes ... the mere touch of the soft
fabric on his sensitized skin caused exquisite agony. He was painfully
aroused, but nothing he did alleviated his condition. He needed the
touch of another ... but there was no one. He was alone, with no hope
of quenching the flames that consumed him.

Suddenly, he gasped ... as icy fingers lightly stroked his engorged
flesh. His eyes flew open to see the blond head go down, and feel the
cool lips enclose his hot shaft. He writhed in pleasure as the cool
tongue played around his cockhead, and teased his ridges.

As the tongue expertly teased the cock, a hand gently massaged the
ball sack, nearly bringing the young Vulcan to climax. The blond,
knowing exactly what it would take to complete his task, applied just
a slight bit a pressure to the balls, while he deep-throated the
Vulcan.

---

Vorik awoke, shaken by the intensity of the dream. It had been years
since he had had a 'wet dream' ... but never once had they been as
exquisite as this  one. Of course, it *was* James T. Kirk he dreamed
of ... the one man Spock cared for ... more than any other. The man
who was legendary for his sexual prowess.

Vorik took a sonic shower, replaced the soiled linens, and went back
to bed. He would revisit the holodeck after his duty shift ended, and
try to learn more about James T. Kirk ... the man, not the legend. He
would concentrate on his time on Earth ... while Spock was on Vulcan,
with the Masters at Gol ... and what they had between them that
changed their lives forever.

---

"I really didn't think he would go ... I mean, he had *threatened*
many times, but never actually done it. I thought this was more of the
same," Kirk said, as he settled back at his desk with a fresh cup of
coffee.

Vorik and Kirk had moved on. They were now in Kirk's office at
Starfleet Headquarters talking about Kirk's promotion to Admiral, and
Spock's resignation from Starfleet. Vorik encouraged him to continue,
"do you know what prompted him to leave this time, when he had not
done so before?"   

"Oh, yeah ... it was me. I postponed our Bonding Ceremony once again,"
he said, then after a brief pause continued, "well, it was that, among
other things." Kirk looked decidedly embarrassed, but went on,
"accepting promotion to Admiral was another factor. Both he and McCoy
resigned from Starfleet over it ... partly because of the arguments we
had, and partly because of the arguments with the top brass."

Kirk sipped his coffee, then continued, "of course, I was pissed at
Spock for leaving me ... when he told me that he had accepted a
teaching position at the Vulcan Science Academy, I was hurt. After
all, Starfleet Academy had given him a similar offer, and if he had
accepted that, instead, we could have stayed together."

Kirk fell silent, bitterness and anger painting his features as he
sipped his coffee, and contemplated his life. Vorik could see the hurt
there ... and for the first time truly understood how Kirk felt. There
was one thing that puzzled him, however, so he asked, "if you don't
mind my asking ... how did Spock end up at Gol, if he left Earth for
the VSA?"

"Again, that was my doing," Kirk said, as he composed himself, and
continued. "As I said, I had been hurt by his choice to leave Earth.
To ease my pain, I 'reverted to type', so to speak." Once again, he
hesitated before going on, as if he were embarrassed. "I started
dating again ... I became quite the 'ladies man' ... virtually
sleeping with anyone who would have me. This went on for quite some
time, until one day, Nogura set me up with Lori Chiani ... we became
quite an item ... and before I knew it, we had gotten married." Kirk
fell silent, obviously lost in thought.

To break the silence, Vorik asked, "can I assume that Spock did not
take the news well?"

"No, he didn't." Kirk thought for a moment, then added, "well,
actually, he seemed to take it just fine, *outwardly* ... he called,
offered his congratulations, and wished me all the best." Kirk paused,
a sadness came over him as he continued, "then he proceeded to tell me
that he would never see me again. That he was going to the mountains
of Gol, where he would spend the rest of his life in the study of
Kohlinar." There were tears in his eyes as he continued, "until that
moment, I had no idea just how much I loved him ... or how empty my
life was without him." He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, "oh, I
put on a brave face ... wished him happiness and all that, but
inwardly, I was devastated. My life after that was ... I don't know
... it was like I was sleepwalking ... going through the motions of
living and working ... but not really participating."

Vorik was fascinated ... there was such a depth of character to this
man who, for all intents and purposes, had been portrayed
'larger-than-life' by historians for his deeds ... but for all of his
heroism, that portrayal was sadly 'two-dimensional'.

As Vorik watched the man before him, he noticed a change come over
him. The vibrancy and vitality that he had admired so was gone ...
Kirk looked tired, worn out ... suddenly appearing years older, as
Vorik watched.

Abruptly, Kirk shook himself, and continued with his tale. Time passed
... Lori Chiani left him ... he was unhappy in his work, and his life
... but then everything changed. Vorik noticed the life returning to
his eyes as he told of Earth being in danger, and how the two loves of
his life had come back to him ... the ENTERPRISE ... and Spock! Kirk
was suddenly rejuvenated once more ... he had a purpose in life ... a
reason for living.

Kirk and Spock were bonded shortly after the V'Ger incident, and had
several happy years together. Their happiness, however, came to an
unexpected end when Spock sacrificed himself to save the ship. Kirk
was devastated by his death ... and could not share his pain with
anyone, for they did not know of their bonding. That is, no one except
for McCoy ... but at the time, he was in no condition to help ease his
suffering.

As Kirk sat there, reliving Spock's sacrifice, Vorik was moved by the
emotional display. Reaching out to the grieving man, he could not help
but be attracted to him. Whether it was his vulnerability, or the
quiet dignity he displayed, Vorik did not know ... all he knew was
that he was drawn to this man.

At that moment, he knew why Spock had been drawn to Kirk, even beyond
the grave. Taking the older man into his arms, he rocked him gently,
whispering soothing words as Kirk cried softly for his lost love.
"There is no need to weep," he said. "Tell me of your reunion ... you
deserve happiness."

Kirk slowly regained his composure, then went on with the tale. He
told of Sarek's plea to find his son's lost Katra, McCoy's madness,
and the mixed feelings he had over their search and rescue mission ...
for although they had found Spock, quite alive, Kirk's own son, David,
had been killed by the Klingon's ... and they had lost the ENTERPRISE.

Of course, there were also mixed emotions over his reunion with Spock
after the 're-fusion' ... Spock had no memory of their life together
as anything other than Captain and First Officer. He had vowed to
himself to 'make' Spock remember. And as he told Vorik of the euphoria
he felt when Spock's memory of their life together returned, Vorik
once again saw the spark in his eyes that was his lust for life.

Vorik knew that there was much more to their life together, but he had
all the answers he needed. He could see exactly what it was that Spock
saw in this man that made them such a perfect couple. They were
'soul-mates' ... where one was light, the other was dark ... the
perfect combination of logic and intuition. Neither one was whole
without the other. Seeing this first hand made Spock's leaving less
painful. Their time together had been a mere 'fling' in comparison. He
told Kirk as much ... and that answered his question of how, years
after his death, he could possibly have an influence on Spock's life.

---

As Vorik thanked him for sharing his story, Kirk asked, "isn't there
something else you'd like?"

Vorik was puzzled. He thought for a moment, then said, "I do not
require anything else ... you have answered my questions admirably."

"Maybe the spoken ones.," Kirk said, as he came over to Vorik. Taking
him by the hands, he pulled him to his feet and embraced him.
Tenderly, he ran his hands up over Vorik's arms to his shoulders, as
he pulled the young Vulcan into a gentle kiss.

He kept the kiss light and tender ... he didn't want to rush or force
anything. Suddenly, Vorik opened Kirk's mouth with his tongue ...
exploring the cool opening as he pressed their bodies closely
together.

He was on fire ... and as his erection pressed against Kirk's hard
flesh, he knew what they both needed.

"Come," Kirk said, as he took Vorik by the hand once more and led him
into the bedroom. They quickly undressed and lay down on the large
bed. "Let me show you how I made him feel," he went on, as he explored
Vorik's body with his hands and mouth.

Vorik was lost in the sensations he was feeling. He suddenly knew
where Spock had learned some of his lovemaking techniques ... and was
hard pressed to keep himself from losing all control.

As Kirk used his hands and tongue to explore his body, Vorik did the
same. He had never been with a human before and was fascinated by the
coolness of the skin. This was not the Kirk of his dream the night
before, but he was still in remarkable shape ... and far more
experienced than Vorik's imagination could ever dream up.

The tension was building in his groin. By this time, they had explored
every inch of each other, with the exception of each others erections.
It was time ... Kirk's hard shaft was in Vorik's face, and vice-versa.
Although there was no meld involved, they acted as one ... as if their
minds were in perfect sync.

Tentatively, Vorik ran his fingers along the length of the shaft in
front of him. The flesh jumped and stiffened ... he could see the
reddish head throbbing to the pulse-beat of his companion. He could
feel his own cock responding to the same light stimulation from Kirk.

The light touch was excruciating ... he needed more ... he needed to
feel the frisson of sliding into a tight opening ... of penetrating
his lover completely ... of release.

He knew Kirk must be feeling the same. As he firmly grabbed the base
of Kirk's cock, he thrust his hips forward, pushing himself deep into
the waiting mouth. Kirk did the same ... thrusting ever deeper into
each other, their climax was imminent. In seconds, the spasm overtook
them, as they shared their mutual  release.

---

As Vorik's time in the holodeck came to an end, he thanked Kirk for
his help. After a moment of awkwardness and uncertainty, he said, "I
know that I will still miss him ... but, thanks to you, I can now
understand why I could not replace *you* in his life."

"Vorik, don't lose hope. It is the one thing you must always hold on
to." He came up to Vorik then, and took him by the shoulders, saying,
"find someone to be with. Whether it's for a little while, or forever
... it doesn't matter. Just find someone to share your life with." He
hugged the young Vulcan, then released him, saying, "and as far as
Spock is concerned, remember ... you *may* find a way home sooner than
you think. Your Captain is resourceful ... she wouldn't be a Starfleet
Captain if she weren't ... and if there's a way, she will find it.
When she does, Spock will be there ... don't let him brood ... don't
let him push you away. Make him live life to its fullest ... and if he
won't listen to you, tell him *I* said so!"

"Thank you, Jim ... for everything." As he stepped back, he took one
final look at James T. Kirk, and knew that his life would never be the
same.

"Computer ... end program

---

The End