The BLTS Archive - Interludes
#23: Best of Intentions
by T'Kuht (lngbrnchlady@yahoo.com)

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Jim Kirk woke at his desk refreshed which was odd because he should be
stiff, sore, and groggy.  Remembering the outbreak of Rigellian flu
epidemic aboard, he paged sickbay.  McCoy's care worn face appeared.
He looked like he needed about ten naps just to wake up. "How's the
crew?"

"Sick as dogs but no more deaths.  Looks like that ryetalin  worked.
How're you doing?" McCoy asked, suspicious of the  rather buoyant
expression on the captain's face only hours  after the despair on
Flint's planet had ended.

Kirk smiled.  "Fit as a fiddle and ready for love.  Whatever  Spock
did to make me relax sure did the trick.  Where's he at,  on the
bridge?"

"No, he left Scotty in charge so he could work in the lab's  trying to
help find alternative methods to treat this plague,"  Bones replied a
little suspiciously.  "So you're fine; what  about Rayna?"

Kirk shrugged. "What about her?  Cute kid for an android."

That made McCoy blink.  "Yeah she was.  That all you remember?"

"She whipped me at pool and could dance.  Why?" Kirk asked.

"No reason; glad you're feeling better," McCoy replied.  "Well, I've
got patients to tend to."

Snapping off the viewer, McCoy decided to check on lab 4 and  his
bioresearch experts' progress.

--

"We will need more slides," Spock commented as he took the last full
stack to use.  Nurse Chapel hopped slowly off the lab stool.  She was
stiff from inactivity and half sick with the flu herself.  "I'll get
them."

She disappeared into the supply alcove between labs four and  five a
moment before Leonard McCoy entered at full steam and  intent on
Spock.  "There he is Mr. Jack of All Trades.  Which  is it this time,
pharmacology or psychology?  You need a  license for both."

Spock was utterly mystified and for a moment thought McCoy  fevered
and delirious.  "I do not understand."

"Was it a pill or a couple of fingers up the nose?  Jim's  happy as a
clam at low tide and doesn't remember Rayna more  than as a cute
android."

Spock was clued in.  "Ah, then the Captain is better."

"Why with Spock's instant Happiness who wouldn't be.  Why'd you do it?
Jim's no cripple.  He'd have bounced back in a couple days."

"I surmised we did not have a couple days.  He needed to be at  full
capability now," Spock said and then reminded McCoy, "And did  you not
say you wished he could forget her?"

McCoy was indignant.  "My God Spock, since when have you ever listened
to me?  He needed to forget her sure, but in his own  time and own
way. . .  not have it altered out of his mind or erased  completely.
Did he know what you were gonna do?"

Spock stiffened guiltily.  "He was asleep as when you left.  He  did
not know what I did."

"He knew something.  He knew you did something to make him  relax.  So
your logic is the end justifies the means, eh?  Why  didn't you just
clean house while you were there: Miramanee,  Edith, Carol, and
whoever else popped up along the way.  Make  him feel really good,"
Bones spat.  "Spock, I never thought I'd  say this to you, but that
was heinous."

It was the proverbial blow across the head that left Spock  still and
quiet as a statue.  When he finally spoke, it was in an  official
manner.  "I will answer to any charges you wish to make."

Bones was deflated from the exhaustion and his anger.  "I've  got an
epidemic on my hands and no time to fill out paperwork  on some charge
. . .  I don't even know what I'd accuse you of.  You  helped Jim feel
good.  I suppose that's all that matters now.   Just think about it
next time you get the urge to brain drain  someone."

McCoy turned to go back out.  "Any progress?"

Spock shook his head.  "No, but we are not finished."

The chief surgeon nodded and half stomped out.  Chapel waited till she
heard the doors close before coming out.  Spock was standing ramrod
straight with his back to her.  She said quietly, "I found the
slides."

It took an eternity it seemed for him to turn from his stance  and go
back to the lab table where she was on the opposite  side working.
Knowing full well she had heard everything in  the conversation, he
didn't wish to meet her eyes but  eventually he did.  For the first
time he saw disbelief,  mistrust, horror in those blue eyes that had
always been  so tender and approving toward him.  The look quickly
faded and  became sympathetic, but the damage had been done.  It hit
him  harder than McCoy's accusations.  He didn't realize he spoke
aloud, "Was I wrong?"

Christine opened her mouth.  "Are you asking me?"

Spock nodded and she hesitated.  The truth wasn't going to be nice but
a lie was not in her nature.  "You did what you thought would help,
but if I were the Captain I might be upset.  As painful as some of
them are, I'd not trade my memories for all the ignorant bliss in the
world.  It'd be like erasing part of me, an important part.  Your
heart was in the right place, but you were still wrong," she'd told
him softly to counter McCoy's more explosive rebuke, but it didn't
help.  He'd made a simple mistake in believing forgetting was as good
as forgiving or learning from the past.  She could tell he was having
a mental crisis over this the way his gaze was fixed to a point
somewhere over her shoulder to the wall beyond.  He swallowed and
tucked his lower lip inward to chew on it.

Christine started to touch his arm but drew back before actually
reaching him.  "I'm sure if you explain this to the Captain, he'll
understand and the whole thing will be over with."

Spock disagreed almost violently.  "I do not believe so.  What  I have
done is unforgivable.  On Vulcan, there is no worse  crime but to
invade a mind without consent.  McCoy is correct,  it was heinous."

"Even if it was meant to help?" Christine posed.

"There is no excuse.  I know right from wrong, Miss Chapel, yet  I
blindly chose wrong without even considering . . . "

He was becoming obsessed, spiraling in on himself and she  wouldn't
allow that.  This time she reached out, touched him  on the arm.
"Stop, please.  You made a mistake, an honest  mistake meant to help
someone you care about deeply.  No real  harm was done, in fact it
helped.  Just take it at face value  and go on.  Besides, you don't
have time to dwell on the  problem now.  Remember, you've got half a
sick crew who need  you."

That seemed to bring Spock out of his spiral.  He straightened, "Yes,
I have a duty to this ship."

"Good."  She smiled wryly.  "Now, I'm gonna go get the updates  on the
crew reports and some coffee and I'll be back.  Would  you like tea or
anything?"

"No," he answered as she started to go.  She was nearly out  the door
when he stopped her.  "Thank you Christine, I shall  try to remember
your advice."

Using her first name brought a smile to her weary face as she  left.
Spock kept watching the door after it closed and with  determination
insisted, "But I still cannot be forgiven."

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The End