The BLTS Archive- After The Winter Years
by Suz Voy (suzvoy@tesco.net)

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Archive: Do it!

Disclaimer - Paramount own the names. That is all.

Apologies in advance to my writer-in-crime. The similarities
to other stories was not at all intentional. It just
happened.

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His hand brushed over her skin lightly, testing.

She merely continued snoring.

Chucking silently to himself, Chakotay removed his hand and
shook his head. He was going to have to make a recording of
that snore someday. She absolutely insisted that she didn't
snore; indeed, that she had never snored. He looked forward
to proving her wrong. Not in any sadistic, demented way.
Just in the name of fun. She was always fun.

Knowing that sleep would elude him for the rest of the
night, he moved the covers carefully off himself and stood
quietly. Naked, he half-walked, half-stumbled into the main
area of his quarters as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Reaching the replicator he requested coffee blend twenty
nine - one of several useful things learnt from Kathryn -
and sipped it as he pondered his options. He could do
something useful with this time. Could go over reports,
PADDs, anthropological information he'd yet to categorise,
personnel reports...or he could simply do something which
had no relation to his job whatsoever.

That was exactly what he did.

Working with Kathryn and Tuvok and Seven was wonderful in
many ways, and not so wonderful in many others. Yes, just
like them he probably put in too many hours himself, but
unlike them he wasn't so fond of being logical or efficient.
Not all the time.

Moving away from the replicator, he padded around - still
naked - for a while, until he ended up where he always ended
up on nights like this; by the window. He watched the stars;
billions, trillions, however many there were...each one held
an amazing amount of information. Most were an amazing
distance away. Some helped to provide life to orbiting
planets, some deprived it. All were fascinating. All were
beautiful.

He could do with more beauty in his life. The woman lying in
his bed right now was wonderful, beautiful, a real pleasure
to know...but even so there was more beauty than just her.
The only other place he could find beauty on this ship was -
ironically enough - outside the ship.

The stars.

Chakotay sighed, content if not quite happy to watch their
afterimages streak by, knowing that he had actually passed
the stars he was seeing now a long time ago. He tried not to
think about that too much; it gave him a headache. This was
too nice a moment for headaches.

Someone beeped for entry.

Surprised, he raised his eyebrows but swiftly placed his mug
on the table and located his previously discarded pants.
Once those were on, he answered the door.

Of course, it would be the only person who would bother him
at this time in the night...morning? Whatever?

She seemed rather surprised to be confronted by his chest.
Well, what did she expect? He had to give her credit though;
she recovered quickly and plastered a smile on her face as
she finally lifted said face to look up at his.

Kathryn looked exhausted.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," Chakotay stepped aside and she walked in,
immediately heading towards the sofa and making herself
comfortable there as she had many times before.

He sat next to her after a few moments, and finally began to
register that even off-duty now she always, always wore her
uniform. Even at this time. She couldn't have gone to bed.
"What's wrong?" He repeated.

"I..." She didn't look at him for a few seconds, then she
seemed to find the energy to. "I ended it with Michael."

He certainly hadn't been expecting that one. She'd seemed
more than happy with her beau. "I see." Two simple words. It
was what he always said when he didn't know what to say,
couldn't think of a more coherent response. Then one single
word; "Why?"

Closing her eyes briefly, she smiled and shook her head
before looking at him again fondly. "It made sense, you
know. I always told myself that having a holographic lover
would be demeaning, would make me a bad role model. But I've
been out here for six *years* with only the briefest of
brief sexual experiences before Michael. I wanted sex. I
didn't want to complicate the issue by having sex with a
member of my crew, so a hologram was the only way."

"I understand."

She nodded, knowing that he did. "It was good, for a while.
Enjoyable. He's a nice man...hologram."

"What changed?"

Kathryn shrugged. "I realised I didn't care as much as I
should have."

He shook his head. "That-"

"He's a *sentient* hologram now Chakotay. I can't go on just
using him for sex when it's clear that he feels something
more."

"Are you absolutely sure of that? You said so yourself; he's
sentient. He doesn't have quite as many constrictions as he
did. He's not quite the perfectly programmed hologram he was
meant to be."

"True enough," She nodded "If it weren't for the fact that I
asked him how he felt, as if I really had any doubts. He
loves me," Kathryn paused, wanting to smile but not
succeeding. "And I don't love him enough." She forced a
chuckle. "Isn't that awful? I care about him so much... but
not enough. Simply not enough."

Chakotay studied her features in his darkened quarters,
starlight filtering through the window. "What will you do?"

She smiled at her friend. "The idea of another hologram
right now doesn't appeal very much. I think I need to mourn
for the last one a little. I am going to miss him."

"You can still see him."

"I know. It just won't be the same."

"It was your-"

"-decision, I know," Kathryn repeated. "That doesn't mean
I'm entirely happy with it."

He tugged at an ear. "Life is often that way."

Extending an arm, she placed a hand on top of his. "Thank
you for listening. I just needed to get it out."

"Anything for my best friend."

They hugged, briefly, comfortably but she pulled away when a
particularly loud snore emanated from the bedroom. "You
didn't tell me you had company tonight!"

"You didn't ask." He shrugged, amused.

"But you should have said something."

"Why? You needed to talk and she's a heavy sleeper anyway.
It makes no difference. I was awake and all I was doing was
standing naked, drinking coffee and looking at the stars."

Raising an eyebrow, she stood. "Well, after that particular
mental image I really should be leaving."

Chuckling, he followed her to the doorway. Before it hissed
open she stopped mid-step.

She didn't face him. "Some time ago... the fact that he was
in love with me and I didn't feel the same way wouldn't have
bothered me."

Frowning, he tried to see her face but she kept it turned
away. "What changed?"

Silently laughing, she finally faced him. "Life. Everything.
Nothing. Me. I don't know. I hate that I don't know."

And then she was gone.

He knew from past experience that it would be futile to go
after her, but even so he began to walk... and forced
himself to stop. Rubbing a hand over his face he glanced at
the stars, recycled his mug in the replicator, then stood in
the doorway of his bedroom, studying the woman who slept
there peacefully, wondering how could she be so wonderful,
so fun, so exciting... and not quite enough.

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The End