The BLTS Archive- A Woman Obscured
by Suz Voy (suzvoy@tesco.net)

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Date: 20 August 1999

Gratuitous swearing alert! Bad, bad Janeway...

Archive: Go for it!

Disclaimer - I'd like to see Paramount own *this* Janeway.

Don't know *where* this baby came from...

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Masturbation has never done anything for me, not really. Certain
appliances have provoked a positive response on occasion, but actually
using my own hands has never had any real effect.

A pity, I think.

My Mother told me a long time ago that it was a perfectly natural
thing for a woman to do, and while I wasn't dying to try it out, I was
curious. The results were not what you would call satisfying. I'd
usually end up in a frustrated, damp lump on my bed, the sheets
wrapped around my body and a grimace on my face.

Sex (or 'making love' as it's more romantically known) was not
particularly exciting either. It would be satisfying on occasion, but
I just came (if you'll excuse the term) to the conclusion that I
wasn't a particularly responsive woman. No shame in that.

Of course, then I met you and discovered just what I'd needed so badly
that I didn't even realise I was missing.

Fucking.

You were almost on me the first time we met and I hadn't had sex in a
long time...so the next time we met we did. Only we didn't have sex or
make love.

You fucked me.

And it was glorious.

I don't know if you were surprised or not by my reaction, but I
certainly was. Screaming as we screwed against the wall. Swearing
loudly as my head pounded against the wall. I'd never been fucked
unconscious before. The concussion was worth it.

Chakotay knew - of *course* he knew - his quarters are next door to
mine. And he said nothing. That made it even better somehow, the next
time. Knowing that as you fucked me until I screamed he could hear
everything. Everything. He was probably masturbating as he listened,
the voyeur. He always liked to watch and not touch.

Then you left, as I knew you would. I knew the dimple on your ass. 
I knew the crevice in your back. I knew you and I knew you would 
betray me. It didn't matter.

I miss it now, of course. I consider letting Chakotay screw me on
occasion, but he'd get too emotionally involved with it no matter what
he promised. I think he can tell though. He catches the way I look at
him sometimes. I know how I look on those sometimes. A predator, ready
to leap.

The crew has no idea. To them I'm still the untouchable Captain.
Wearing the masks I have to wear to obscure my feelings. I'm sure half
of them think I'm in love with Chakotay. They have no idea...

There have been a few times since you left. Merely done to expedite
matters with trading agreements or to gain access to a section of
space at a much faster pace. For the crew, at least. I do that for the
crew. But I fuck to feel.

I love the action, I love the word.

Fuck.

Fucking.

It almost sounds like a name.

Fuck.

Isn't it a wonderful word?

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The End