The BLTS Archive- Loved You by Suz Voy (suzvoy@tesco.net) --- Date: 27 August 1999 Disclaimer - Paramount own 'em. Okay...this is a little weird...had a bad day so I had to write something silly. --- 'I'm not ashamed, no, to say that I've loved you well I'm not ashamed, and yet I know I'm just a name, that's all Scratched upon your wall. You've used it well, but what the hell That's what walls are for' --- He woke with a smile, the image of her face receding as the night did. Pulling back the covers he prepared for the day. His usual routine; bathroom, closet, table, bathroom again. As he looked into the mirror now fully dressed, he smiled again. As he left his quarters he wondered if she would be in the mess hall. They bumped into each other there occasionally and whenever they did they ate together. He didn't ignore the disappointment when he discovered she wasn't there; he accepted it. He accepted it all. Eating with Kes they mostly sat in a comfortable silence. She was one of the few people he had met who didn't mind that. Yet he couldn't help notice that she kept sending him a smile. She always seemed to be in a good mood, but she was grinning even more than usual. She knew. Hell, they probably all knew. He had never been one to hide such feelings well. Knowing that someone knew, he smiled. "I'm happy for you," she told him in that permanently fascinating voice, but he frowned when he saw an edge of concern around her eyes. "There's no need to worry," he insisted, meaning it. Yes, there were still certain things he was sure that could make his life perfect, but as it was he was pretty damn happy. Leaving her concern and the mess hall behind he headed towards the bridge, trying to indulge the tightness in his gut. This would end soon, he knew it would. He'd been in love before and nothing ever quite matched the first few months for their intensity. The turbolift doors opened. He saw the top of her head. His stomach lurched and he stepped onto the bridge. He had no memory of the journey, but suddenly he was next to her and bending to take his seat. "Good Morning Captain." Captain. Kathryn. No one else called her Kathryn. She couldn't have failed to hear the delight in his voice. She didn't encourage it. She didn't discourage it. "Good Morning Commander." Some days she would call him Chakotay. He should have felt disgusted at himself, that he should be so entirely dependent on what one woman called him. He wasn't. There would be time for that later, when the newness was gone and the emotions weren't as intense. It had been difficult, the first few weeks after they had returned back to the ship. Neither of them had known where they stood with each other. Somehow - eventually -- they'd both silently agreed that nothing would happen. At least for now. They were both too comfortable with each other to try anything else yet. So, they would share breakfasts and dinners together. Sometimes in the mess hall, sometimes in someone's quarters. He would call her by name without fear of being reprimanded. They'd laugh together over something Neelix had said about Tuvok or something Tuvok had said about Neelix. And she knew. He didn't hide how he felt from her. There seemed little point since his 'revelation' on the planet. He tried not to hope that she did or one day might return his feelings, but he might as well have asked Neelix not to make a meal that involved some form of leola root. She seemed a little more relaxed today than usual, lounging in her chair with a coffee cup in her hand. "Sleep well?" He asked. "Not very," she answered "but not for the reason you might think." "Why then?" A smirk crossed her beautiful features. "Seems the man next door had some pretty vivid dreams last night." His eyebrows rose in surprise. Not really because she mentioned it, but because she had brought the subject up in front of the crew who were quite obviously listening with interest. Unless Tom had a serious back problem and it was absolutely necessary for him to lean that far back in his chair... "Really?" He asked, purely for their benefit. "I had the same problem myself. Only it was the woman next door to me who kept me up. I think she's replicated an electric shaver or something...it was going all night." Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped in absolute horror. Score one for the Maquis. A little too smugly, he leant back in his chair. Someone was sniggering. He realised it was him and stopped. He should have realised what he was letting himself in for. Features setting into a determined expression, she looked towards rear of the bridge. "Mr. Kim..." "Yes, Captain?" He asked, trying not to sound interested in their conversation. "Can you think of any reason why a man would have stained sheets?" Silence. She continued. "I was in my neighbour's quarters the other night you see. And I couldn't help but notice some...most unusual stains on his bed." "What were you doing on his bed?" Chakotay countered, instantly. "Using my electric shaver!" She snapped. "So it *was* you! I owe Paris twenty credits..." "What?!" "Hey, don't bring me into it!" "Are you listening in?" "Umm...no Ma'am...Paptain...Captain." "Good!" She yelled, then leant back in her chair and gulped down the last of her coffee. Chakotay leant towards her. "Buzzzz." The coffee travelled so far that it hit the back of Paris' neck. "Man! Gross!" Jumping up from his seat he wiped the back of his neck with his hand. Flinging off the moistness he shivered. Kathryn wiped the coffee from her chin and glared at her First Officer. He should have been worried. Foolishly, he was looking forward to whatever punishment she was going to give. --- He had never, in his entirely life, seen such a big pile of vegetables. He didn't even think they had that much in stock. Maybe she had wasted the last of her rations to create this, choosing to sacrifice caffeine in order to see him punished. "It's an old tradition," she told him as he sat on the small stool and placed the apron over his lap. "Given to those who deserve it. And you definitely deserve it." Perhaps he did, but it didn't matter. He simply grinned and remembered how flushed her face had been earlier. He would never had said something like that if he didn't feel the way he did. He wondered it she knew that. "I'll be back in an hour. I expect to see these done." And she smiled. She wasn't annoyed; this was all part of the game. "Aye Captain," he responded, being careful to rearrange his vocabulary. He had to keep with the game as much as she did. "But are you sure you wouldn't like to...peel a potato with me?" Rolling her eyes at the innuendo-laden voice, she headed towards the exit of the mess hall. "Peel your own damn potato!" He laughed. "I'm sure you're capable of peeling your own Captain! Could I borrow your shaver? Maybe it would help me with these..." Yelling something very unladylike, she strode out of the room. Smirking, he launched into his work. --- The End