The BLTS Archive- Soup, Screams And Nostrils by Suz Voy (suzvoy@tesco.net) --- Disclaimer - these characters belong to Paramount. But I bet ya Janeway has a chastity belt anyway... --- Tuvok's face and Harry's breasts took the brunt of the impact, but the others in the room were splattered too due to their close proximity to Harry. The only one unaffected was the Doctor who looked on in amusement. They all blinked. No one spoke. Until... ...a timid, meek voice... ...whispered... "...sorry..." ...before retreating back into embarrassment while trying to wipe the orange soup from his extremely tight-fitting uniform top. They studied each other closely. Most of them had gotten off pretty lightly, but Tuvok...he merely remained seated in his chair, soup continuing to dribble from his chin. Tom snorted. Seven heads turned to watch him as he quickly turned away, shoulders shaking, causing soup to drip from his hair. It was then that Kathryn Janeway decided she hated Starfleet offices. They didn't come equipped with personal bathrooms. Too bad they weren't in her ready room... "Whose quarters are closest to here?" It was discovered that B'Elanna's were the closest so the Captain informed them that they'd all make their way there to get cleaned up. She knew they could use the transporters, but Ayala was on bridge duty at the moment and there was no way he'd fail to notice eight people making an un-scheduled transport from Tuvok's office into B'Elanna's quarters. The Doctor volunteered to be the scout - "after all, I'm the only one who's ship-shape and Bristol-fashion" (a reference which none of them got) - and go on ahead to warn them of any impending visitors they might encounter in the corridor. Approaching the exit, he peeked around the edge of the doors as they whoosed open. "All clear," he called. "Okay, everyone out in single file," Janeway ordered, and because she was the Captain made sure she was in the middle so she had the best chances of not being seen should they be spotted. Obligingly (and most of them giggling), they left the room, each of them holding the hand of the person in front and the person behind of them. Kathryn told them it was so they "wouldn't lose anyone", but Tom had his own theory as he watched the Captain grab Chakotay's hand so quickly that something popped. "Ow..." "Sorry..." "I think you dislocated my thumb." Stalking ahead, the Doctor walked on tiptoe, peering around every corner, intersection and doorway he came across. Tom was getting a little annoyed. "Doc...not to question your methods...but don't you think you're being a little obvious?" The EMH harrumped loudly and stopped his tiptoeing just long enough to send a sarcastic look in their direction. "Well if *I'm* being obvious, what are you?" B'Elanna squeezed Tom's hand. "He's got a point." Stopping his tiptoeing the Doctor quickly held out his hand towards them and leaned towards the direction they were walking. "Shh! I think...yes! Incoming!" Loudly trundling back to the intersection they had recently passed and still holding hands, they hid around the corner. Leaning against the wall each of them moved their heads to the left in quick succession as if it would somehow make them less noticable. The Doc, being the Doc, stayed where he was and greeted the newcomer who had yet to reach the intersection. "Ah, hello Ms Nicoletti!" He spoke far too loudly, trying to provide his friends with the details. Chakotay tutted softly. Seven, who was on the other side to him, frowned. She had never made that noise before, but it seemed to be a constant through all species and cultures. Perhaps she should attempt it. The first officer frowned as Seven started making strange noises. Moving his head minutely, he studied her out of the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?" he whispered. Opening her mouth she planned on using her usual tone then remembered their requirement for secrecy. Lowering her voice appropriately, she proceeded. "I believe it is called 'tutting'." That confused him. "And why are you practising this now?" "Because I have not practised it before." Harry, who was on *her* other side, muttered "Oh well that explains *everything*..." "Can we please keep quiet?" the Captain hissed, and everyone shut up although Tom nearly snorted again from trying to contain his laughter. He soon kept quiet as B'Elanna increased the pressure on his hand to a death grip. His hand started going white, then turned red. Doc's voice was getting louder and they pushed themselves as hard against the wall as they could. Tuvok didn't notice the door behind him which, of course, swished open. With nothing to rest against he fell backwards, unintentionally pulling everyone with him. Trying desperately not to yell out in surprise or pain, only those closest to him - Kathryn and Tom - fell over, but the others were pulled along by the sudden displacement of weight. Soon they also lost their balance and before long no one was left standing. Harry and B'Elanna, being the two who had landed at the top of the pile, lifted their heads to see Naomi in the transporter room, clearly up to something she shouldn't be. Naomi was part-way through walking to the transporter pad with a piece of equipment in her hands. When she saw the sight before her - seven of the most senior members of the crew covered in orange goo and apparently having an orgy in the doorway - she did the only thing a little girl could. Opening her mouth- -nothing emerged as Harry reached her and covered her mouth with his hand just before the scream would have escaped. The Captains robe had somehow worked its way up so most of her body was uncovered. As people moved from on top of her she quickly yanked it down so she could finally see what was going on. That was when the Doctor appeared, stepping over Kathryn and Chakotay who were the last ones left on the floor. Even Tuvok had squirmed his way out from under them. "You're very lucky," the EMH announced "Ms Nicoletti didn't suspect a thing." He frowned when he noticed the mumbles coming from behing Harry's hand. "I believe you can remove your hand now, Mr Kim." Harry shrugged and moved his hand. Naomi's litany continued unabated. "-and ohmigod Harry has boobs and where have Seven's gone and ohmigod the captain's naked except for some weird device and you're all melting melting melt-" Harry replaced his hand. "For fu-dge's sake," B'Elanna quickly caught herself "we're not melting, Naomi! This is soup." The mumbles ceased. "Id iff?" she asked. "Yeff, I mean yes." Neelix appeared in the doorway. "Oh hello everyone! What a surprise to see-ensign Kim!! What have you done to your chest? And *what* are you doing to Naomi?" he yelled accusingly. Kathryn looked at Chakotay. Chakotay looked at Kathryn. They remained on the floor, figuring things looked better from down there. They changed their minds when Neelix stepped over them and they got a good view up his nostrils. --- The End