The BLTS Archive- Recalibrating Chastity
by Suz Voy (suzvoy@tesco.net)

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Disclaimer - Paramount owns 'em. Nuff said.

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Unfortunately Tom and Harry didn't get to witness anything between the
Captain and Seven. No small looks, no sly smiles. Well they wouldn't
expect a smile from Seven anyway; perhaps just an inquisitive look in
the captains direction.

Nada.

Pouting, they crossed their arms across their chests in boredom and
waited for the turbolift journey to end. Soon they arrived at deck
eleven and they all stepped out and walked around the corner to
engineering. Just as the double doors whoosed open and they could see
the warp core Chakotay caught up with them. All five proceeded towards
B'Elanna, who was in the middle of some very loud swearing.

(for reasons of taste the following words have been carefully edited)

B'Elanna thumped a console that apparently wasn't being cooperative.
"Come on you f-luff-ing console! Work you b-aste-d!"

"Basted what?" Seven asked carefully.

Growling, B'Elanna turned to face her. "What the F-LUFF are-Captain!"
Her tirade came to an abrupt end. "I...didn't know you were there. Or
Tom. Or Chakotay. Or Harry. Or Seven for that matter until she spoke."
Removing her fingers from the console, not noticing the dents she had
left behind, she attempted to smile. Rather poorly. "How can I help
you?" she asked in her best 'patronising telephone receptionist'
voice.

Janeway stepped forward. "Actually, it's kind of personal. Can we
discuss it privately B'Elanna?"

Leaning to one side, B'Elanna looked over the Captains shoulder to
study the others who had entered the room with her.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. We'll discuss it privately
between the six of us."

"Sure," the half-Klingon agreed before yelling "anyone on the upper
level move your as-p down here right now!! That's a f-luff-ing order!"

Loud noises and foodsteps echoed through the large room as those on
the upper level scrambled to be the first to reach the ladder and
lift. Two crewmembers were injured in the process but they had no
lines so were simply thrown in the corner with the corpses from the
last attack that no one had bothered to move yet.

Kathryn and B'Elanna shared the small lift to the upper level, while
the others had to climb. Harry nearly punched Chakotay out of the way
in his rush to be the one to climb up the ladder directly behind
Seven.

They assembled together again, each leaning a part of their body
against the small bar that surrounded the warp core.

"So what is it?" B'Elanna demanded.

With little hesitation now, Kathryn grabbed the edge of her robe and
pulled it up to waist height.

B'Elanna stared down at the chastity belt, stunned.

"F-luff me."

"Well if you insist," Tom smirked, trying to find pockets on his
uniform that might contain lint.

Ignoring him, B'Elanna walked towards a small storage area built into
the wall and returned with a tricorder. Kneeling down, she began to
scan the chastity belt as Janeway informed her of their already many
failed attempts. She nodded as she listened. "I'm not surprised Tom
wasn't able to pick it. This certainly isn't your average tumbler
lock. I've never seen anything quite like it. And you're saying the
Federation made this?"

Everyone shrugged. Harry's eyes followed the movement of Seven's
breasts.

"We're not sure," Kathryn admitted "a Federation citizen put it on me,
but he had access to all kinds of things. I've always presumed it was
a Federation design but I suppose it could just as easily be alien."

Agreeing, B'Elanna then asked the Captain to lie down. "I'm going to
try magnetising specific sections of the belt. If it works it should
unlock itself."

It sounded just as good - if not better - than any plan Kathryn had
heard so far, so she merrily lowered herself to the floor and
stretched out. Chakotay, Tom, Harry and Seven looked down at her as
B'Elanna rummaged around in the corner for equipment.

The men started laughing and Kathryn began feeling decidedly paranoid.
They couldn't *still* find the image of her with her robe hiked up to
her waist amusing, could they? "What? What is it?"

It was then that she heard the chuckles coming from the lower level.

Chakotay's grin grew wider. "You might want to move Kathryn. You're
lying on the clear section of the floor, so..."

Her eyes grew wide. Tom continued what Chakotay couldn't.

"...they can see your butt cheeks pushing against the surface."

The three men lost it completely then and started laughing in earnest,
leaning on each other to stop from falling over. Except for Harry,
obviously, who leant on...

"Ensign Kim!"

"Woah!! I'm sorry Seven! I did *not* intend to put my hand there!"

Everyone in engineering stopped what they were doing to look across or
up at him. "Uh huh," resonated through the room. Leaning over the
railing he shouted down "Don't you people have work to do?!"

"Not when we can see the captains butt cheeks!" someone yelled back as
Kathryn quickly scurried from the surface until she was lying on the
carpet.

Her audience moaned. "Aww..."

B'Elanna stomped across to the railing, the whole room shaking.

Chakotay looked at Harry. "Are we being fired on?"

The engineer reached her target and bellowed. "Get back to work NOW!!
That's another F-LUFF-ING ORDER!!"

Three people lost their sense of hearing. The rest of them got to
work.

Turning back to look down at the Captain with a smile on her face,
B'Elanna sat down beside her. Everyone else followed her example and
soon Kathryn was surrounded by a circle of her staff.

Chakotay cleared his throat. "You know, this reminds me of a story my
father-"

"Shut up."

"Yes Ma'am."

Nodding, Janeway looked at B'Elanna. "Proceed."

In her hand she held four small metal devices with blinking lights
(incidentally, the lights had no function whatsoever, it just happened
that the creator over-ordered his LED stock and had to use them up)
which she attached to different locations on the chastity belt. "Now,
when I activate these you might feel a slight pull on your abdomen
because the magnetic fields will be in contact with each other. Don't
worry; these are strong magnetic devices but they won't cause any
harm." Leaning forward, she activated them.

Immediately Janeway felt the pressure B'Elanna warned her about, but
it wasn't painful. Perhaps a little uncomfortable because the magnetic
fields seemed to be pressing on her bladder, but other than that it
was quite relaxing. Almost like a massage-

Something pinged.

Harry frowned. "What was that?"

B'Elanna discreetly hid her tricorder readings.

"Oh good God..." Kathryn muttered.

"What is it?" Chakotay queried, worried.

Well, what was the point in hiding it? If her assumption was correct
anyway... "My IUD."

Only a few of them knew what it meant. Seven didn't. "I do not
understand the term 'IUD' Captain. Could you enlighten me?"

Kathryn sighed. "It stands for 'intra-uterine device'."

Seven caught on immediately. "A contraceptive method?"

Kathryn poked her finger at the ex-Borg. "Got it in one."

Tom tried not to snicker, but couldn't help it. Janeway and B'Elanna
glared at him.

"But never mind about that now," the Captain insisted "is the
magnetism working?"

Returning her gaze to her tricorder, B'Elanna examined the readings.
"There's definitely some kind of movement going on but to be honest
it's still madness trying to make sense of everything that's going in
on there." Frowning, she pounded her fingers on the tricorder. "I
think there's a redundant locking mechanism that I couldn't read
before. This damn thing has some kind of cloaking device! Who, in the
name of Kahless, invented this thing?!"

"We'll have to try something else. Now's not the time for revenge
B'Elanna."

The engineer was shocked. "Revenge?! I'd like to shake their hand.
I've never seen anything this small that's been so brilliantly
constructed. Whoever built it is a f-luff-ing genius!"

Harry leant towards Tom and whispered "What's this 'fluff' obsession
B'Elanna's got going on?"

The helmsman shrugged. "When I left this morning she had a mouth like
a sewer, same as normal."

Chakotay butted in. "I think the censors are at it again. You know
just a minute ago when the engineering staff were seeing Kathryn's
butt?"

"Yeah?"

"That wasn't actually hers. It was a digitised butt."

"You're kidding!"

"The honest truth. Trust me, TPTB are famous for it..."

As they talked, the rest of the group stood. It was decided they'd
visit the Doctor next. Not only might he have a suggestion for how to
get the Captain free, but everyone felt it was best that he take a
look at her IUD.

Making their way back down to the lower level once more, B'Elanna then
informed her staff that they were free to return up there if
necessary.

As the six of them walked towards the exit, B'Elanna tripped over a
leg that was lying on the floor. "And someone get rid of these
f-luff-ing corpses, once and for all! They're starting to f-luff-ing
stink!!"

Harry shook his head in shame. "We have *got* to have a word with
Brannon..."

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The End