The BLTS Archive - The Legacy fifteenth in The Song of The Bleeding Hearts by Sforzie (Sforziesforzichu@yahoo.com) or (shelly@camcomp.com) --- Disclaimer: Paramount owns some of the stuff in this story, the rest is MINE!! :) Song used it Alanis Morissette's. Other song part is Jewel's. Thanks to Kadith for the support, advice, poking, prodding, line suggests, etc...... Notes: This story is reads somewhat jumbled and incomplete, but I can't really help that. It fills in some of the holes about what happened to Marija Janeway after Seven killed herself, and before she and Kathryn Janeway were revived. The things narrated here were only mentioned in early stories of this series. It isn't really meant to be of much value, but after some thought I felt that these were parts of Marija's story-of her legacy-that had to be told. Enjoy! --- May 2388 --- She stared up at her father, expression mixed. A lock of black hair fell over her left eye, but she didn't bother to push it back. She'd probably just start crying again anyhow. And the impression had come across that that was the last thing anyone needed right now. Her mothers would have told her to be mature in this situation. But they weren't here anymore. Marija Janeway swallowed, and looked down. Chakotay sighed and shook his head. He reached down and gently brushed the hair out of her eyes, and did his best to smile. "Come on , Marija," he said softly. Marija silently followed him out of her room. It was her same old room, but it felt different. Her parents' room remained empty next to hers. The door between the Janeway and Chakotay quarters had been removed. Chakotay led Marija to the sitting room. She sat on the couch and crossed her arms. She looked at the vase on the table nearby, but said nothing. "I'm sorry, Marija," Chakotay said after another silent minute. "How can you be sorry?" she said lowly. "I am." Marija's head jerk up. "How can you be sorry? How could you possibly -" "I know how you feel," Chakotay said. "How could you know? Your mother didn't kill herself." "I know that but-" "You have never been in my situation, so how could you know what I'm feeling?" Chakotay sighed. This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation in the past two weeks. "You're just trying to make me feel better," Marija snapped at him, uncrossing her arms. She looked terribly small compared to him, but didn't seem unnerved by that fact. "You're just trying to smooth everything out so that you can go back to the way things were." "Marija, you know that isn't true." "Yes it is. You just can't admit it." "I wish you would just try to understand how I-" "Oh, so now it's all your problem," Marija said coldly. Chakotay's eye flashed and then narrowed. "Young lady, don't talk to me like that." "Why should I care what you think? You aren't anyone." "I'm your father." "I have no father." She looked away, down the empty hall. "Marija," Chakotay said tightly, "just try to listen for once." Marija glared back at him wordlessly. Chakotay swallowed. "You weren't this bad the first time...." "What?" "Nothing." Chakotay hadn't realized that the words had sounded so loudly. "No, tell me." "When Kathryn died, you didn't seem to take her death as hard as you took Seven's, that's all." "That's all? Moma killed herself because of Kathryn, but I don't really think that Kathryn killed herself over you." "Her death was an accident," Chakotay said tightly. Marija's words were hurting him more than he'd care to admit. "I was too little to know." "Marija..." "Where were you?" "What?" "Where were you when Mama died?" "I wasn't there," he said. "Why didn't you try to save her? If she hadn't died than none of this would have happen. Mama wouldn't be dead and Moma wouldn't have always been so sad. She wouldn't have always been crying. She wouldn't have tried to hide her tears." "There was nothing-" "Why didn't you at least try?" Marija repeated in a shriek. Her eyes were glassy. She stood up, trembling with more energy than it seemed her twelve-year-old body could contain. "There was nothing any of us could do." "Don't lie to me. I... I... I wish you weren't my father!" Marija began to sob. "Then I could live with Aunt B'Ela and Uncle Tom...." She ran off without further words, exiting in a flurry to her bedroom. Chakotay sighed and buried his face in his hands. Alex Moretta Chakotay appeared at the adjoining doorway. "Chakotay, what's going on?" she asked, crossing into the sitting room. Alex sat down next to him. Chakotay's shoulders slumped. "This isn't getting any easier," he said softly. "I know it isn't, but... maybe you should be a little more considerate to her feelings." "I am being considerate. She just... I don't think she really knows how she feels. And if we don't try to help her now... who knows what might happen." "I think you're letting your own emotions get involved with your perception of hers." He lifted his head. "What do you mean?" "I remember when Kathryn died. I remember how distraught you were. And you denied it right to my face. But I know you still loved her, Chakotay." She rested a hand on his shoulder. Chakotay frowned slightly. "I couldn't tell you because I knew it would bother you." "You'll always love her, Chakotay. I know that. And it doesn't bother me anymore. If I let it bother me than... well I don't know what would happen." "What does this have to do with Marija?" "She's confused, Chakotay. You just have to give her time. She still sees you as responsible for this somehow. And you're letting her do it, even when you try to talk sense into her." Chakotay sighed. "I'll give her time.... talk to her later." Alex smiled. "You do that." She looked at him thoughtfully. "I'll go see if she's all right." Chakotay gave a half nod, and Alex got to her feet. She went down the hall, passing the empty bedroom without looking in. Alex came to a stop in front of the door to Marija's room. "Marija," she called softly. "Are you okay?" The voice came from surprisingly close to the door: "I'll never be okay." "I know it hurts, dear. It's okay with us if you want to be by yourself for awhile." "Thank you Aunt Alex," Marija's voice was strained. "Is it.. okay to cry?" "Of course it is. Everyone cries," Alex smiled softly. She glanced over her shoulder and thought of Chakotay in the sitting room. "Everyone." A few hours later, Alex came up from the Mess Hall with a tray. She banged on the closest door and continued into the dining room. "Amanda, Michael, dinner!" she called. "Marija, you too." There was a pause, and then the sound of doors opening. The eleven year old twins tumbled past each other at sat at the table. "Mom, Amanda was snooping again," Michael crowed happily as Alex got the plates. "I wasn't snooping, I was reading," Amanda protested. "What's the difference?" "If I was snooping I would have looked for something more interesting." "Were you using the computer interface again without asking?" Alex asked. "Yes, but you were in the Mess Hall so I couldn't ask." "That's what the comm channels are for." "I thought you might be busy." Alex just sighed and shook her head. "Marija, dinner," she called again, leaning through the door. Alex sighed again when there was no response. She went down the hall and knocked. "Marija." After another minute Alex frowned and opened the door. The room was empty. Alex went back into the dining room. "Kids, have you seen Marija?" "She's probably off moping somewhere," Michael said. "That wasn't nice," Alex snapped at him. He frowned but didn't reply. Alex bit her lip. "Computer, locate Marija Janeway." "Marija Janeway is in Commander Tuvok's quarters," the computer replied pleasantly. "Now how did she get in there? I didn't see her leave. Did you two?" "Nope." "No," Amanda said slowly. "But she probably coulda crawled through the Jeff's tubes." Alex snorted with a slight sound of disbelief and went to Marija's room. Sure enough, the latch that kept the grille shut near the ceiling was slightly loose. "That girl..." Alex said softly. "Just like her mothers." Alex bit her lip at her comment, and shook her head. The computer made a soft chiming noise. "Tuvok to Ms. Chakotay." "God, I've told you a thousand times to call me Alex." "As you wish. I have something that I believe is yours." "Marija," Alex said quietly. "Yes. I believe she entered through the Jeffrey's tubes." "Is she all right?" Alex sat on Marija's bed. "She is asleep, as she was upon my coming to my quarters." Alex sighed. "You don't mind leaving her there until she wakes up, do you?" "Not at all." "Just let us know when she wakes up, all right?" "I will." "Thanks, Tuvok." "You are welcome... Alex." Tuvok was going over security reports in his quarters a little over an hour later, when a soft noise caught his attention. He stood up and went into the sitting room. Marija was sitting on the couch, rubbing her eyes. Tuvok cleared his throat, and the girl looked at him. "Uncle Tuvok," she said simply. "Marija, may I ask why you're here?" He sat in the chair next to the couch. Marija crossed her legs. "I didn't want to be in my room anymore," she said quietly. "I see no reason why you should not." Marija pursed her lips and squinted slightly at him. "Double negative," she whispered. "You are avoiding my point." "Maybe. But their dying was a double negative." "You're too young to be thinking in such terms," Tuvok murmured. Marija blinked. Sudden tears welled up in her eyes. "Moma always said that too," Marija struggled to speak. "She always said I was too young to understand what was going on. And now she's gone. And I still don't understand." "It may be a long time before you can understand," Tuvok said slowly, thinking. "I must admit that I still do not fully comprehend what has happened in the past seven years." "Do you miss Mama?" "Indeed I do. We were close friends when she was alive, and I was affected by her death." "Did it hurt her when she died?" Marija asked. Tuvok paused. Marija already knew the story quite well, but it was always conflicted by the emotions of others. "I do not believe that she was fully conscious just before she died. So I long ago came to a personal conclusion that she was not in pain when she died." "That's good," Marija said softly. "Indeed, Artemis took pity on her." "Who's Artemis?" Marija looked up at him. "She was a god in Greek mythology." "Weren't the Greeks human?" "Yes, they were. Do you know anything about their mythology?" "Not much. We never really covered it in school." "I have found that it is similar to the mythology of cultures from many different species, and yet fascinating in its own right." "What does this have to do with my mothers' deaths?" Marija cut in after a moment. "In Greek mythology Artemis was a hunter, and when a woman died a swift and painless death, it was attributed to one of her silver arrows. But... aside from that I must admit that there was little point to my mentioning the mythology." "I remember that the Greeks believed in something like an afterlife... than the people who died went to the underworld and continued to live." "Yes, that is correct." "Tuvok, do you think that Moma and Mama are still alive?" "Their bodies may be dead, but I believe that their spirits are still somewhere. And as long as they are remembered by the living, they will never truly die." "I won't forget them," Marija said. "They being your parents, I would imagine that it would be difficult for you to do so." Marija sniffed, although she had stopped crying some time before. "Are you sad because Moma died?" "I feel regret that she chose to end her life," Tuvok said evenly. "These past few years were very hard on her, as they were for everyone else." "Everyone?" "Yes. Everyone on this ship was affected greatly by your mother's death. Your other mother, Seven, was very close to her. You may have not realized it, but life was always a struggle for her. Seven... could not stand to be alone." "But I was always there," Marija said. "I tried to make her happy, I really did. But she never wanted to be." "It may have just been that she couldn't be happy, no matter how hard she tried. I am not sure what caused your mother to give up on life so quickly, but you must remember that you alone are what kept her alive these past seven years." Marija sniffed again, leaning on the arm of the couch. "I was?" "Yes. Without you, she wouldn't have had any reason to live." "Then why did she have to die?" "I have no way of knowing, Marija," Tuvok replied softly. Marija rested her chin on the arm of the couch and closed her eyes. "Tuvok, I don't want to go back right now," she said softly. "Please don't tell them I'm here." Tuvok reached out and gently caressed her hair. "I won't." November 2388 "Oh look, there he is," Brenna Whitener whispered. The other girls at the table giggled. "He's cute," Stacey Willis sighed. "Yeah, when did he get so cute?" Amanda Chakotay wondered. "Warren Larson," Marija said thoughtfully. "He sounds smart," Stacey giggled. "I think he is. His birthday is two months after mine." "That would be important, wouldn't it," Marija laughed. "Shh! He's looking over here!" Stacey whispered. "Who's he sitting with?" Marija wondered. "Aaron," Brenna said. "I think Aaron's cuter than Warren," Amanda said thoughtfully. "Oh, everyone knows you have a crush on Randy," Stacey snickered. Amanda made a face. "Randy? God Stacey, you know he's a year younger than me!" "Ooh, Amanda likes younger guys!" There was laughter. For Marija it was a welcome thing. Half a year had helped with a little of the pain, and she had emerged from her silent misery. She spent little time with her 'family', choosing to immerse herself in school and friends. For Marija, it helped to simply keep her mind off of the unpleasant things. There would be time later for that. "So, Marija, who do you think is cutest?" "Would it hurt you if I said your brother?" Marija grinned. "Eew, Marija! That's sick!" Amanda giggled. "And he's too gawky to be cute." "Just like you." "Take that back!" "Make me!" "I'll... I'll..." Amanda looked thoughtful. "I'll tell Aaron that you like him!" "I don't like him, you do!" "So, he doesn't know that." "How about we just drop the whole thing. Let's talk about something interesting," Stacey suggested. "Like what?" "How about school?" "Oh, you're such a brain, Stacey!" Brenna laughed. "Well I can't help it." "You can help with my math though," Amanda pointed out. "True. What's so interesting about school anyways?" Brenna looked at Stacey. "We could talk about the majors," Stacey said slowly. "Ooh, yeah! The majors!" Brenna grinned. "But my dad said that we can't decide on them until we're 15," Amanda protested. "I'll be 15 in a year," Brenna said. "And a half," Amanda added. "I thought you needed help in math." Amanda shrugged. "Oh come on, it's never too early to start thinking about the majors," Stacey said. Brenna drummed her nails on the table. "All right, so what are you thinking about, Stacey?" "I want to be a Conn officer." Marija giggled, "you the Conn officer, Stacey?" "Hey, I don't see why not." "I don't see why." Stacey stuck her tongue out at Marija. "I want to be a science officer," Amanda said. "Just like your mother," snickered Brenna. "Well I have to take after someone," Amanda said. "And Michael already claimed Daddy." "Don't you have to be good at math, though?" "Shut up Brenna," Amanda laughed. "I'll get help." "Mental help." "Ha ha. What about you, Brenna?" "I dunno. Maybe science, or security." "I could see you beating up aliens," Stacey giggled. "What about you, Marija? What do you want to do?" "I'm not sure," Marija frowned. "How about Engineering," Brenna suggested with a smile. "Jeremy Paris is going into Engineering, and he's kinda cute." "He's also 14," Marija made a face. "I don't know. I thought maybe I'd try command. Maybe become captain." "You Captain, Marija?" Amanda said thoughtfully. "I dunno, you need to be more aggressive to be a Captain. And not so quiet, and more of a leader." "You mean be a brute like your father?" Marija was frowning. "Oh, come on Marija..." "My mother wasn't aggressive," Marija said softly. "Well we know who you get it from," Amanda smiled softly. "And he's your dad too." "Must he be?" Marija said, a smile creeping back onto her face. "I'm afraid that one day he's gonna drag us off to get tattoos." Amanda giggled. "Can you imagine Michael with a tattoo?" "Yeah, and it would mean "little wimp who gets butt beat by sister"," Stacey giggled. They broke into fresh laughter, the unease of a moment before past. "What's so funny, girls?" a voice sounded behind them. "Nothing Daddy," Amanda said sweetly. Marija muffled a snicker behind her hand. "Well just make sure that 'nothing' doesn't get you in trouble," Chakotay said evenly, glancing around the table. "We'll make sure," Amanda replied, looking up at him. Chakotay nodded and walked off. Stacey sighed heavily. "Man, you got a cute dad." "Stacey!" "Well it's true." "Then I hope Michael grows up to look like his father," Brenna sighed. Stacey twirled a lock of blonde hair around her fingers. "Yeah..." There was a pause, and then Marija straightened out of her slouch. "Hey, why don't we reserve the holodeck for tomorrow? It's Saturday, isn't it?" Brenna tilted her head. "Yeah, but what are we going to do on the holodeck?" "I dunno, it was just a thought." "The adults always get first dibbs on the holodeck," Stacey sighed. "We could get Chakotay to reserve it for us," Marija said thoughtfully. "He wouldn't do that, would he?" Amanda wondered. Marija shrugged. "And anyways, he'd say that we would need adult supervision." "Then he can supervise us. He's always saying how he wishes that he could spend more time with us." Amanda squinted. "True..." "I'll get him," Stacey volunteered. The others giggled. January 2389 Marija Janeway trotted through the halls of Voyager, clutching a PADD in her hands. As she reached the entrance to her quarters, she stopped and arranged herself. Pushing a lock of her still-curly dark brown hair out of her eyes, Marija entered the living room. Alex was sitting on the couch, reading something. Marija paused. The older woman looked up and smiled. "Hello Marija, what do you have there?" Marija looked down at her hands. "Oh.. just my report card." Alex's expression brightened. "Well, I've seen Michael and Amanda's already... may I see yours?" Marija flushed a bit at the expectant look from her adopted mother. "All right." She stood next to the couch and handed her the PADD. Alex looked at it critically. Her expression softened after a moment. "This is very good, Marija," she said. Marija swallowed nervously. "Do you think so? I mean, I know it's good, but..." "Yes, you're doing a very good job in school. You should be very proud of yourself." Marija drooped a bit. "That's what Ms. Maheny said." "You don't believe her?" "It's not that I don't believe her..." Marija drifted off, averting her gaze. "You're worried about what your father will think." "Yes..." "Now Marija, you know that he's very proud of you." Marija looked up sharply, "How can you tell." Alex paused and then sighed. They'd had similar arguments before. In fact, it seemed like all she and Marija did was fight. "Have you seen him?" "Your father?" "Yeah." "He's in his office," Alex said, handing Marija back the PADD. "You should show him that." "I will," Marija said reluctantly. She broke off the conversation and left the room, going to Chakotay's office. Marija stopped at the door and rang the chime. There wasn't any response. After a minute or two she began to wonder if he was really in there, and rang it again. Another minute passed before she heard Chakotay's voice call. "Come in." Marija entered the room, but he didn't look up. In fact, he didn't acknowledge her presence until she stepped close enough to invade his personal bubble. Chakotay looked up. "Yes, Marija?" "I... I have my report card," Marija said softly, holding out the PADD. After setting down his own work Chakotay picked up the PADD. He gave it a cursory glance, and then handed it back. "Very good," he said evenly. Marija swallowed. Was that all? Chakotay looked back up. "Is there something else you need?" "Uh... no, that's all." Marija backed uneasily out of the room. When the doors had closed behind her, Chakotay sighed. Marija had caught him a little off guard, and with that anxious and yet hopeful expression of hers, she reminded him a great deal of... of Kathryn. In fact, she did a lot of the time. Being around her was beginning to become more painful every day. He wanted to be able to open himself up to her, but a sense of foreboding always latched down on him at the last moment. He just had to keep going, and hope that this wasn't messing her up in the head any. The ever-rattled Marija left her quarters, going down the halls again. She wandered for awhile, not really wanting to talk to any of her friends right now. Roving eventually led her to the mess hall. She went in after looking at the door for a moment. It was for the most empty, so she decided to stay. Marija got a cup of rosemary tea from the replicated pot on the kitchen counter, and sat at a table in the back. She looked down at report that she still clutched in her hand. Her grades *were* good, the others were right. But why did it seem like none of them really cared? "They all worry more about Michael," she muttered to herself. Marija sipped her tea, wincing a bit at the taste. She wondered why Neelix had replicated it so strong. "May I have this seat?" a male voice asked. "Sure, take it. No one's sitting in it," Marija replied, not looking up from the PADD. "No, I meant if I could sit here." Marija swallowed, dimly recognizing the voice. She set the PADD down carefully and looked up. It was Aaron Birde. He was holding a cup and looking down intently at her. "Uh... sure." "Thanks." Aaron pulled out the chair across from her and sat. Marija wondered what he wanted--they had never really spoken before, just a few casual exchanges at parties and in class. "So, what are you reading?" "Just my report card." "Must be pretty interesting. It only took about thirty seconds for me to read mine and decide that I didn't like it." Marija laughed softly. "Just debating over how right it is." "What, you think Maheny messed up on something?" "No, not that... just wondering why no one seems to care about it." "Well.. wait, you're one of the smartest people in our class. What do you have to worry about?" Aaron looked bemused, and pulled the PADD out from under her hands. "Nothing, I guess," Marija sighed as he looked at the PADD. "Wow, I didn't think that they were this good." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Uh, no, not bad, Marija. I just didn't know what your grades were." "Well, thanks," she smiled softly. Marija--she'd never heard anyone say her name like that before. Hit on almost like an afterthought, dropping somewhat in volume. Sincere. "If you parents aren't proud of you, there must be something wrong with them," Aaron added. "That's no way to talk about the Captain," Marija deadpanned. He laughed after realizing that she was joking. "You know, your math grade is almost twice of mine," Aaron said after a minute. "Maybe... you could help me with what we're studying." "Maybe," Marija said, sipping her too-hearty tea. "What did you make in math this semester?" "A C minus," Aaron said softly. Marija chuckled, "Well, if you figure an A minus as nearly twice a C minus, you must really need the math help." Aaron smiled. "So you'll help me?" Marija paused, seemed to consider it. "Sure, I'll help." "Good." He didn't make any move that showed that he intended to leave. Marija looked at cup he had brought with him. "Isn't that left over from this past Christmas party?" "Yes, actually it is," Aaron nodded as he looked down. "I keep a stash of them in my room." "Why?" "Because I don't trust Neelix." Marija nearly spit up the sip of tea in her mouth. "You don't trust Neelix? Of all people, why not?" Aaron grinned. "I worry about him trying to poison my drink." He made a swirling motion around the edge of the cup. "You know, line it with poison or something." "He could just put something in your drink," Marija said. Aaron shrugged. "Still, I feel a little better drinking from my own cup." "Even though it has a reindeer on it?" "Yeah, I guess so." Marija laughed. "Then you must be very secure with yourself." "I try to be. Or at least I think I do." She continued to laugh. "Well you must be to be able to ask for help in math." "Yes, I suppose I am." She looked at him warmly. "So when do you want to start this tutoring?" "How about tomorrow? We have a test in a few days, I'd like not to bomb this one too." "Sounds good," Marija agreed. May 2391 "So, by taking the square root of the denominator, you get the answer?" "No, you don't take the square root, you square it," Marija corrected Aaron. She pointed to something. "See, that's where you messed up." "Oh. So I guess that I don't take the square root in this one either?" "Not in any of them." "Oh. Time to redo them then." "That might be a good idea, the Hen's taken to checking for accuracy lately." "True." Aaron bent over the screen in his desk. He and Marija were conducting their weekly study session in the ship's main schoolroom. They had been meeting for over two years now, much to the enjoyment of both parties. And to the enjoyment of his math grades. Despite this attachment, Marija hadn't let her grades slip any. She had, in fact, improved them enough to already be an acting crewman at just fifteen. Aaron was almost sixteen. "No, square the 3x, not the 4x." "Oh yeah." "And then divide the top by the bottom..." "I thought you said that the 3x squared was the answer." "It is," Marija laughed. "For the first part of the problem." Aaron groaned. "I'm never going to finish this." "What's the hurry?" He gave her a sly look. "I don't know. I was hoping that we might be able to take in a movie at the holodeck tonight." She gave a weak, nervous laugh. "Oh, come on Aaron. You know my parents don't want me to go one a date with anyone until I'm sixteen." "You'll be the captain by then," Aaron sighed. "Too far beyond my reach." "Aaron..." "Marija, it's okay. I don't mind." He smiled thinly, resting a hand on her arm. "I can wait." "You know you'll have to," Marija said softly. They both looked down, averting their gazes. After a moment Aaron leaned closer. "I just wish-" "I know what you're going to say," she said. "But you know I can't do anything about what they think." "Well, what do you think?" Aaron caught her gaze. Marija bit her lip. "I don't know what I think anymore. I just wish they weren't so controlling. I just wish that they'd give a little more room." She stopped as she realized how close his face had suddenly come to hers. "Aaron, what are you doing?" "Kissing you," he whispered, and pressed his lips to hers. Marija froze, her breath sticking in her throat. At first she was unable to protest, but she came to her senses and pushed his hand off her arm. She leaned back quickly. "Aaron! You shouldn't have done that," she hissed. With sudden haste Marija began to weave her way through the rows of desks. "Why not?" Aaron called after her. Marija didn't respond. "Marija! You know that's what you wanted." "I don't want anything," she called back, her voice rough. "I don't need anything either." She was nearly to the door. "But I think I need you," Aaron whispered, managing to finally get to his feet. Marija didn't stop, the doors were already opening to let her out. Aaron moved as far forward through the desks as he could. "I love you, Marija Janeway!" he shouted after her. Marija didn't stop, she was already out the door. Slightly dazed, Aaron sunk to the floor. *He said he loved me*, Marija thought numbly. *And I think he meant it too. He even kissed me.* "God, I'm dead if Chakotay finds out," she whispered. She'd been having this same stunted conversation with herself for almost two hours now. Her young brain was refusing to move on, the here and now seemed most important. Or really, the schoolroom and two hours ago. Marija sighed, recrossing her legs. She was in the holodeck, one of the science `nature walk' programs running. She'd deleted the tour guide upon entry. Marija couldn't help but wonder why he'd done what he'd did. Or why she'd ran out like that. Deep somewhere she hadn't wanted to, but some odd flight instinct made her go. Some things were just so stupid in their simplicity. "Marija." Her chest cramped at the sound of his voice. "What do you want, Aaron?" She didn't turn around to look at him. "I want to apologize, Marija." "For what?" "For kissing you." Her voice sounded a bit undecided. "If you were going to have to go to all the pains of apologizing, you should have just not kissed me in the first place." There was a pause. "It was worth it," he said. She raised her chin a little. "Was it?" "Definitely," Aaron whispered. "But if you didn't want me to kiss you, then I'm sorry. If you don't want that to have meant anything, then it doesn't have to. It only matters if you think it should." "I do think it should," Marija said after another brief pause. There was a slight smile in his voice. "You do?" "Yes, I do." She heard him walking up behind her and turned around. "I'm not sorry that you kissed me, Aaron. You just caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it." "I didn't know that I was going to do that," Aaron said, sitting down across from her. "I.. It just seemed like the right thing to do." Marija leaned her elbows on her knees. "Maybe it was." --- September 2399: --- "Things just won't be the same without Neelix to poison us," a low male voice said. Marija laughed. "Isn't that what the replicators are for?" "They won't replicate harmful substances," Aaron Birde pointed out. "True. But I'm sure that we could get Jeremy to do it for us." "It's bad enough that he has his mom on his back for messing up the other day, we don't need to add voluntary food poisoning to his list of charges," Marija snickered. "Well Neelix got away with it every day," Aaron sighed. Marija made a face. "It's not nice to talk about him like that." "Well I didn't kill him." "I know that," she swatted his hand away from her dinner. "It was food poisoning," Aaron continued. "I just don't see why he had to keel over like that when I was helping in the mess hall." "It saved us from all keeling over." "I wasn't going to eat it anyway," Aaron sighed. "It was too red for my tastes." "Aaron, you'll eat anything that isn't alive." "I couldn't be sure that it wasn't." Aaron drummed his fingers on the table. He cleared his throat nervously. "Something wrong?" "I hope you don't think I'm insensitive about that," he said softly. She smiled. "I know you aren't." "Well... Michael and Amanda are throwing a party for their birthday this weekend. Are you going?" "Of course I am." "With me, right?" "I couldn't think of anyone else that I'd go with," Marija smiled. "You make me feel so loved." They laughed softly. "Oh, did you hear about Helen and Michael?" Aaron tilted his head. "What about them now?" "Helen convinced him to have kids." "Now how's he gonna do that?" "Not him," Marija laughed. "Would that make you an aunt?" Aaron wondered. "Maybe. Or a half-aunt." "Mm, you're in an unusually chipper mood, young lady," Aaron smiled at Marija. She chuckled. "How so?" "Usually you puff up like a cat with its tail stepped on when I even mention Michael." "Oh, screw him," Marija muttered. "That's Helen's place," Aaron said evenly. Marija snorted a laugh. "Well, you know what I found out from Rhea today?" she said, leaning on the table. "What?" Aaron made a move at stealing some of her dinner. She didn't seem to notice, taken up in the new subject. "She's pregnant." "What? Again?" Aaron looked surprised. "Isn't Geneva enough for her and Paris?" "Oh, Jeremy's delighted," Marija said. "I'd imagine. Who else is pregnant?" "No one that I can think of." "That's a surprise." "What do you mean?" "Seems like a baby rush lately," Aaron said. "Not in this department," Marija said, pointing at herself with her fork. "You never even think about it?" "Well, of course I do. It's hard not to," she stabbed the plate with the fork. "I mean, I'm not getting any younger." "Are you getting vengeful on me again?" Aaron wondered. "We've talked about this before." "Yes, I know. And you aren't even ready for marriage, let alone kids." Marija didn't look at him, instead focusing on finishing her meal. "Are you going to get mad at me again? Because I can just leave before you do again." "I'm not mad, Aaron," Marija smiled. "It's stupid for me to waste energy getting mad again over the same subject." "That's good, I think." "Don't hurt yourself," she said lightly. "Ooh, funny one aren't you?" Aaron tickled her in the side. "Aaron stop," Marija giggled. "I'm going to lose my lunch!" "You just ate dinner, silly." "What's the difference?" "Different color, maybe?" "Ew, promise me that you'll never consider a job in sickbay." "I wouldn't want to frighten the Doctor." "I can see it now... `Ensign Birde, what's wrong with the patient?', `Uh, he appears to be kinda sick, sir.'," Marija giggled. "Oh ha ha, like you'd be any better." "I'd just tell the Doc to fix the patient and shut up about it already. And get a toupee and quit whining about everything that goes wrong." "Sounds like a plan." "Someone should have thought of this a long time ago," Marija smiled. "Yes, it's an admirable project," Aaron said. "But I thought you were going to become Captain." "Well, I could tell him to shut up and smile when I do become Captain," Marija noted. "True." "And when Michael becomes my XO..." a disturbed smile twisted her face. "I'll tell him what's what and why." "Oh, do indulge me on this," Aaron said, smiling as he leaned his elbows on the table. "Well, I'd have to give a little talk when he got his position," Marija said. She sat up a bit and cleared her throat. "All right, Commander. You must think you're pretty good, having gotten this far. But you aren't going anywhere anymore, brother." Aaron chuckled. "I'm Captain here on this ship, and that's synonymous with queen. So you will listen and obey my every whim, no matter how PMS-influenced, and you will follow me around like a loyal puppy if I tell you to. When I say jump, you'll ask how high; when I say crawl, you'll try to get me to walk on you. And if you don't, your butt is already mine. Is that clear?" Aaron made a slight motion of applause. "You'll be a wonderful Captain." "I wish I could really say that to him." "It would be an interesting thing to tell him at the birthday party." Marija pursed her lips in a mirthful expression. "I don't need to cause a riot." "I suppose not." He looked at her steadily, propping his chin up on his hand. "So you're definitely going?" "Of course I am. My parents would kill me if I didn't anyhow. I've only missed two of their parties, and that was because I was sick." "And even then they held it against you?" "Well, one year they did, but the other they held it against Amanda because she was the one who got me sick." "Ah, I see," Aaron nodded slightly. "All that matters is that I show up. I don't have to stay the whole time," Marija said. "Why wouldn't you want to?" "Come on, being the same holodeck as Michael for over an hour?" she look anguished. "I'm only going for Amanda's sake." "I thought that you used to think Michael was cute." "Ick. That was only about a decade ago. Longer probably." "And now what do you think?" She smiled sweetly. "Now I know you're the hottest stud on Voyager." "Oooh, I know a compliment when I see one." --- Marija stood in her quarters a few days later, inspecting the hem of the dress she was wearing. She had moved out of her adopted parent's quarters when she'd become an Ensign. The little black and green dress she was wearing now had been given to her by Aaron when she became a Junior Grade Lieutenant. Except now, just two years later, the dress seemed somewhat shorter. "I didn't grow any," Marija muttered, turning at squinting at the mirror. "Maybe its the heels." She looked at her shoes, and then when to put on her black flats. Marija returned to the mirror and looked again. "Eh, a little better." She gave the skirt a tug and left her room. The sitting room of her deck two quarters was small, but still larger than most of the other rooms that lower ranking crew had. There were some advantages to being the daughter of Captains, no matter how neglecting one of them was. Marija trekked around the small room, looking for the present she had gotten for Amanda. She'd managed to convince Aaron into getting a present for Michael. The package was under a seat cushion--Marija tried not to remember how it had ended up there. The door chimed as she was straightening up the cushion. "Who is it?" Marija called in a sing-song voice. "Your knight in shining armor," Aaron called through the intercom. Marija smoothed her dress and went to the door. "Funny, I don't remember ordering a knight," she smiled and kissed him hello. "Well, someone here must have." Aaron smiled back. "You look good." "Don't you recognize the dress?" Marija tilted her head. Aaron looked thoughtful. "It's the dress you bought me..." "When you made Jr. grade. That's right." He cocked his head and looked again. "It's shorter." "It must have shrunk just hanging there in the closet," Marija chuckled. "These things happen," Aaron agreed. "I'm willing to bet Alex convinced them to use that horrid blue and silver decor again," Marija said as she and Aaron made their way down the corridors. "Wasn't that with the balloons?" "The balloons?" "You know, those silver balloons... they reflected all the light and nearly blinded everyone was there." "Oh yeah, those silver balloons. I hope not," Marija laughed. "I'll never understand why she goes so all out on their parties." "Must be all that motherly creative energy." "Well soon I suppose Alex will be able to be an overbearing grandmother instead of an overbearing mother," she looked thoughtful. "You're trying to frighten me, aren't you?" Aaron smiled. She punched his arm lightly. "If I wanted to frighten you, I'd make you watch the holovid of Geneva being born." Aaron shuddered a bit. "That classifies as a horror film. All that blood and screaming..." "And that was just from Jeremy," Marija supplied. "I still can't believe he ran head-first into the door," he laughed. "Hey, I was there, remember?" Marija made a motion of smacking her fist into her palm. "Smack, really hard. The Doc thought that Geneva would be having her own kids before Jeremy came to." "Annoyed Rhea, didn't it?" "She thought it was funny. Helped take her mind off the pain." "Jeremy is such a dutiful husband," Aaron said with light sarcasm. Marija laughed again as they approached the doors to holodeck one. "Please tell me that's not confetti in front of the door," she whispered to him. He nodded slightly. "Sure looks like the glittery silver stuff to me." They came to a stop in front of the doors. "Why do I get the feeling that you want to be here as little as I want to be here?" Marija looked up at Aaron, who had a mixed expression. He tapped his leg with the box he'd been carrying. "You know I hate parties," he said slowly. "Since when? You've always been quite the party--oh." She blinked and looked at him again. "I see." "Yeah." "Don't need you going into seizures again," Marija said, a brow quirking. "They weren't seizures," Aaron said defensively. Marija chuckled. "The Doctor would disagree." They fell silent again, looking at the door. Marija toed a piece of silver confetti. "Maybe we could just go in and say hi," she said slowly. "We don't have to mingle too much," Aaron agreed. Marija cleared her throat, "Or we could just not go in at all." "Now that wouldn't be nice..." The doors opened suddenly, cutting his comment off. "Marija, Aaron! So glad you came!" Amanda grabbed Marija by the arm and tugged her inside. Aaron followed along. "Of course we came," he called. "I was wondering how long you two were going to stand out there," Amanda whispered. "I was getting desperate so I had to drag you in." "Desperate? Why?" Marija wondered. She dropped her present on the table as they went by. "Well, the silver isn't as bad as last time," Aaron murmured. Amanda snickered. "I know, I kinda hacked into the program without mom knowing. Fixed it, you could say." "I would say," Aaron agreed. "But Michael, god is he being annoying. Focused on being the total life of the party. Like turning twenty-three is a milestone or something." "Well you know what they say, twenty-three one day, Captain the next," Marija quipped. "Yeah, in his dreams," Amanda rolled her eyes as her brother made another joke across the room. There was mild laughter. "So phony." "I take it you're joining the anti-Mike club?" Marija smiled. "I'll be vice president, to you of course," Amanda smiled. "What's with me always being stuck in the positions of power?" Marija laughed. "I don't know what to do with it all." "Duct-tape his mouth shut, for starters," Amanda suggested. "While you're Captain and he's Commander--" she laughed briefly at Marija's eye roll, "--I'll be happy just to have a seat on the Bridge." "Even if its sitting in front of me polishing my boots?" Marija said with a thoughtful expression. Amanda laughed. "Save that for the XO." "I'll do that." Marija looked at Aaron, who was discreetly wandering towards the buffet. "Hungry, Aaron?" "Can't talk, must eat," he called back. Marija shook her head. "Aren't you two just so cute," Amanda said sweetly. "Please, go use that to ice the cake," Marija said with a laugh. "Speaking of cakes, we actually got a real one this year," Amanda said. "How's that?" "Well, this is the first year that we won't have to eat one of Neelix's concoctions," Amanda pointed out. "True. What type is it?" "Chocolate and fudge layer cake. Blue chocolate frosting." "Sounds painful," Marija smiled. "And messy." "Hoping to smear some on Michael's uniform?" Marija looked eager over at her half-brother. "You read my mind." There was a pause. "Have Brenna or Stacey been by?" "Well, Stacey's on duty, but she said she'll be by later. Last I saw of Brenna she was being dragged around by what's his name." "Ah. Sounds like a lively party then." "It's been terrible. So far most of the people here have come and gone, or flocked to hear another witty tale of Michael's. I've been so lonely." "I'm sure you have been. But that's why I'm here," Marija smiled. She leaned a bit closer. "But I'll admit that Aaron just wanted to stay a little while and leave." "Well I don't care what he does," Amanda waved her hand in front of her face in dismissal. "Gee, you're so kind." "I'm the birthday girl, I don't have to be polite," Amanda said. "Does that go for the birthday boy as well?" "Not totally. For the birthday boy he just has to pretend that he's polite." "So it doesn't make much of a difference, does it?" Marija smirked. "When do we get cake?" "Chocolate orientated, aren't we?" Amanda laughed. "I dunno, depends how long Michael feels on dragging this out." "I thought Alex was in control of that." "Of Michael?" "No, of the party." "Well, yes of the party." Amanda sighed, looking around. "I swear this is the last year I'm letting her do this." "You've said that for the last three years," Marija reminded her. Amanda shrugged. "This year I'm sure of it. Even if it means bribing Michael into helping me stop her." "You sound like getting a birthday party is a bad thing." "Funny, I thought so too. But I thought you'd sing differently, since it was dear mother's decorating that sent your boyfriend into fits two years ago." "He still denies that that ever happened." "Of course he does, he's male. If it had been you or me, if would be one of the crowning medical moments of our lives. Worthy of telling our offspring." "And our offspring's offspring." "And if it had happened to me, we might have been able to avoid any more of these decorating mishaps," Amanda said, waving her hand at the somewhat gaudy decorations of the room. "Maybe we could bribe Aaron into having another seizure." "It wasn't a seizure," Aaron piped up from behind Marija. She jumped a bit. "Don't do that!" "Sorry, couldn't resist," Aaron grinned. He held up a glass with something red in it. "Thirsty?" "Not thirsty enough to brave whatever's in that glass," Marija said. Aaron shrugged. "Don't you trust me?" he asked, bring the glass to his lips. He gave her a puppy dog look. Marija laughed. "Of course I do. It's the makers of the punch that I don't trust." "Hey! I made the punch!" Amanda looked at Marija in surprise. The latter laughed. "Well how was I supposed to know?" "Well you should've been able to guess," Aaron said, holding up a curly brown hair. "Eew, Amanda..." "I didn't get hair in the punch," the birthday girl said indignantly. "Let me guess... the hair fairy left it in there." Aaron let the hair drop. "Yeah, that sounds about right," Amanda said. She noticed something across the room. "Great, mom's making the `cake' motion." A little over an hour later--after the cake had been partially devoured and the presents all opened--Marija was standing by herself, holding a glass of punch. Aaron had went to the bathroom. She turned, noticing that Amanda was talking to someone. It was Aaron, of all people. They were carrying out a quick and hushed conversation. Amanda glanced over at her, and then back at Aaron. She nodded and smiled. Marija squinted with a puzzled look. Aaron came back over to Marija. "What was that about?" she asked. "What was what about?" Aaron said innocently. Marija pointed over at Amanda, who was now helping someone eat their cake. "Why were you talking with Amanda?" "I was excusing us," Aaron said, wrapping his arm around Marija's waist. She looked mildly surprised. "Excusing us for what?" "For leaving so soon after the fun was over," he whispered as he led her to the exit. "Where are we going?" "Why are so inquisitive? We're just going for a little walk, that's all," Aaron smiled down at her. Marija hmphed but didn't continue the conversation. They walked down the halls, which were somewhat empty. No dialogue was exchanged while they walked, until they had stepped onto the turbolift and stepped off on deck two. "Aaron, where are we going?" Marija tilted her face up to look at him. "To the mess hall," he replied. "Why there, of all places? We just left the party." "I wanted to go someplace quiet." Marija fixed him with a perplexed look as they entered the Mess Hall. Aaron gestured for her to sit down, and then went over to the counter. "Coffee?" "Sure, I guess," Marija said, leaning on the table. Her long brown-black hair had come loose, and she pushed it back out of her eyes. Aaron opened the lid of the coffee pot that was sitting on the counter and fiddled with the filter. When he finally got the top back on, Aaron came back to the table where Marija was seated, holding a coffee cup and the pot. He set them on the table carefully. "Aren't you going to drink anything?" she wondered. "In a minute." Marija nodded absently, and picked up the coffee pot. Its unusual lightness didn't register until she tilted it over--and nothing came out. "What the--oh!" Marija's voice faltered as something did some loose, and tumble into the cup. It tinkled lightly, and she set the pot down in surprise. She reached trembling fingers into the cup and looked at the object. It was a ring. Small and gold, with a little sparkling white stone set in a clasp on the top. "Oh, Aaron..." Marija looked at him, and found that he was now on his knees in front of her. She colored slightly in surprise and realization at what was happening. Aaron took the ring from her, and laid her hands in his own. "Marija, I've known you all my life, and the only thing that I can imagine that would make my life any better would be to spend the rest of it with you," Aaron spread her hand flat and slid the ring where it belonged. "So... what I'm asking is... Marija Janeway, will you marry me?" Marija looked down at him, her eyes wide and glistening, her eyelashes darkened with unshed tears. She smiled. "Oh, Aaron... yes. Yes, I'll marry you." Aaron's face broke into a wide grin. He rose to his feet, pulling Marija up with him. He wrapped her in a tight hug, kissing her hair, and then tilting her face up to meet his. "I promise to do whatever it takes to make and keep you happy," he whispered to her. Marija stuttered a laugh, pressing her lips against his cheek. "Well, for starters...." "Yes?" "You could find me some real coffee." His joyful laughter filled the Mess Hall, filled the ship, and filled the hearts of those on board. --- January 2402 --- It was once said that time changes, just like people do. And it still does. Almost two and half years had passed since that birthday party. Marija married Aaron Birde in November 2399, but decided to keep her maiden name. In March 2401 they had a son, whom they named Jason Birde Janeway. Torres Roberta Paris (named for her grandmother) was born in July 2400, fortunately without any bodily harm to her father. Little Geneva Paris had taken to calling her little sister `rabbit', in initial confusion with her middle name. And so went things on the starship Voyager, when we rejoin the story. Jason Janeway burbled up at his mother. Marija laughed, tickling her son under his chin. Aaron came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. She laughed again, turning to face him. "So, today's the day, isn't it Lt. Janeway?" Aaron said lightly. Marija feigned ignorance. "The day for what?" she said lightly, raising her brows. "For getting your R.I.S. test scores back," Aaron said. "Oh, yeah," Marija said softly, looking down. "I don't see why we had to wait to find out. The computer knew the results as soon as we finished." "True. I suppose your father just wanted to keep you two in suspense." "Suspense isn't the right word for it," Marija looked up at him. "He isn't trying to torture you." "That's what you think. Everyone knows that I messed up on the oral exam." "Marija..." "How could I do it right after Michael?" she said defensively. "After watching him prance around on the bridge, saying his lines. He got the easy scenario." "You had the same scenario as he did." "Yeah, but he completed it right. He's sure to get the extra points for that, and get skipped past Lt. Commander." "Marija! Come on! If you messed up and didn't pass, you can always take it again." "But it won't be the same. Michael will get his spot first, and I'll be stuck forever." "You are so competitive with him." "I have to be. Otherwise I won't be anything. Ever." "You know that isn't true," Aaron said softly. "You're very important to me, and I'll love you no matter what rank you are. Especially since it'll always be higher than my own." "You were always the under-achiever," Marija smiled at him. "All to make you look even better," Aaron smiled and kissed the back of her hand. Marija huffed a soft laugh, and then clenched his hand. "I hope I did okay," she said evenly. "I know you did," Aaron said. "I have faith in you." "I'm glad someone does." He didn't comment, just looked at her evenly. She squeezed his hand again. "What time is it?" "Almost 1000." "Shoot, I'm supposed to be there at 1015," Marija sighed. "I'd better go." "Good luck," Aaron smiled at her as she pulled away. "I'll need it." When Marija entered the conference room at 1013, Captain Chakotay, Commander Tuvok, and Michael were already present. Marija nervously tugged at the edges of her uniform. "Thought you weren't going to show," Michael whispered to her as she stood next to him. Marija didn't say anything, but shot him an annoyed glare. Chakotay cleared his throat, and they turned to look at him. "Now, you two took the R.I.S. exams a week ago. This waiting period, no matter how painful, has been necessary to fully interpret your scores. This is the first time we've given this test here on Voyager, and we had quite a time sorting all the different parts out. But we have finally gotten your scores for you. Tuvok." The Vulcan approached Marija and Michael, three PADDs in hand. "I will now give you the PADD containing the results of your testing. Please do not look at the PADDs until I have finished reading this summary." Tuvok handed them each a PADD. Marija's hands trembled as she held her PADD, waiting anxiously for Tuvok to continue. "There were three sections to the R.I.S. exams. The first was oral, conducted on a simulation on the holodeck. The second was a written test, and the third was visual. The scores for each section were tabulated individually, and then combined. This composite score is your final score." Marija sighed inwardly, Tuvok wasn't saying anything that they didn't already know. It was just a formality, supposed to calm them down before he read the results. It wasn't really working for Marija. She just wanted to know. Michael was standing there, all cool and composed, and it was about to drive her out of her skull. She bit her lip. Tuvok turned to Michael. "Lt. Michael Chakotay, you may now look at your PADD." As Michael did so, Tuvok continued. "On each section, a 700 is the maximum possible score. A 480 is the score needed in each section for consideration of promotion to Lieutenant Commander on board this vessel." Michael was already smiling while Tuvok spoke. Chakotay had begun to smile too. "Michael Chakotay, your scores were as follows: 580 on Oral, 500 on Written, and 510 on Visual. Based on these results, and after consideration, you have been approved for your promotion, and will become a Lt. Commander on this vessel. Congratulations." "Thank you sir," Michael said, smiling broadly as he looked up from the PADD. He looked over at Marija, who stubbornly refused to meet his look. Tuvok stepped in front of Marija. "Lt. Marija Janeway, you have already heard the procedures for scoring on the R.I.S. exams. You may now examine your PADD." He paused, thumbing down through the notes on his PADD, and Marija took the opportunity to read the contents of her PADD. She swallowed hard, having to reread what was written as Tuvok continued. The words swam in front of her, and she felt oddly faint. "Marija Janeway, your scores were as follows: 685 on Oral, 630 Written, and 630 on Visual. You showed exemplary skills in all areas tested, far surpassing the need level for Lt. Commander. You showed near complete understanding of the finer points of commanding on the Bridge of a starship, and your talents are impressive in this area, to say the least. Based on these results, and after consideration, you have been approved for your promotion, and will become a Commander on this vessel. Congratulations." Tuvok's lips pressed together evenly, and she could almost detect a smile there. Almost, because she knew better. Marija gripped the table in front of her with one hand, as her knees began to feel weak. Commander... she hadn't been expecting this at all. Marija looked up at Chakotay, who's look was fairly blank. She swallowed the hurt that panged at this lack of emotion, and then looked at Michael. His eyes had grown wide, he apparently being more thrown at Marija's success than she was. "Thank you, sir," Marija finally said. Tuvok nodded. "Congratulations again on both of your achievements. Your pinning ceremony will be held in one week, at 2000 hr. in holodeck one." Aaron watched Marija with an amused expression. She was feeding crackers to little Jason, but in the process was devouring most of them herself. She fidgeted nervously. "Marija, please calm down," he laughed. Marija looked at him. "I am calm," she said. "Sure you are." He watched her stuff another of the round crackers into her mouth. "I've never seen you eat like this." Marija swallowed, "What about when I was pregnant with Jason?" "Well, maybe then. But you've eaten almost that whole tray of crackers in the last hour." "So I'm hungry," Marija shrugged and broke off a piece of crack. She gave it to Jason, who stuffed in into the crumbly mess of his mouth. Marija copied the motion. She accepted the washcloth from and wiped around her son's mouth. "Messy baby," she said with a smile. "Aren't you going to save any room for the reception dinner?" "Why should I?" Marija wondered. "Well don't you think that they'll think its rude if you don't eat anything?" Aaron sat down on the couch. "When did you become my mother?" Marija looked at him warily. "Honestly Aaron, I'll be just fine. Wonderful, in fact." "I know you will." "What time is it anyways?" Marija stood up, brushing crumbs off her black turtleneck. "1930." "Crewman Dells should be here soon," Marija said. "He isn't going to the pinning?" "Nah," she shook her head and smiled. "He said he isn't one for all that ceremonial stuff. Explains why he's still only a crewman. But he said that he'd love to watch Jason instead of having to sit in Stellar Cartography all night." "How honorable," Aaron chuckled. "Yeah, I guess." She started for the bedroom. "I'm going to go change." "All right, I'll sit and stare at the baby." Marija listened to Jason giggle at his father as she changed into her dress uniform. She went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. After a moment's thought she pulled her hair up into a loose bun, stabbing through the knot at the back with a hair clip. She went back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. She stared at the dresser, where a picture frame stood. Driven by her own buried emotions Marija stood and went over to the dresser. She rested her palms on the top and gazed at the picture intently. After taking a deep breath she bent her head humbly and spoke. "Mama, Moma... I hope you're proud of me. I'm being promoted to the rank of Commander tonight. I might even get to sit on the Bridge once in a while now." Marija sighed. "I wish you could be here to see it." She raised her face and looked at the picture again. The smiling faces of Kathryn Janeway and Seven of Nine gazed back with the same blank familiarity that Marija had always known. It was as comforting as it was disturbing. Marija found her shoes and went back into the sitting room. Aaron was carrying Jason around, pointing to the exotic fish that swam around in a large aquarium. She sat on the couch as she put her shoes on. "See, that's a Grekan Tigerfish," Aaron was saying. Jason burbled in reply. "I got that one on a planet before you were born. The dealer said that it wouldn't live very long, but I've had her for almost four years now." The silver and orange striped fish he was referring to swam behind a rock. Fish collecting was a hobby of Aaron's. Every planet Voyager stopped at was another opportunity for him to go seeking another pet fish. Marija had no idea where this fetish came from, but the fish were nice... The doors chimed, and Marija hopped up. "That must be Dells," she said, shoving her heel into her other shoe. After stopping to straighten the shoe she went to the door. It opened to reveal Crewman Dells, standing and holding a PADD. "Hey, right on time David." She waved him inside. "Looking good, Marija," Dells said as he followed her into the sitting room. "Aaron is just fishing with Jason," Marija said, waving at her son and husband. "I have to go now, and Aaron will be leaving in about fifteen minutes. He can help you put Jason to bed if you'd like. Just keep an eye on him." "On Jason or Aaron?" Marija laughed. "Well, I'd prefer on Jason." "I brought some bedtime stories to read to him," Dells said, holding up the PADD. "Great idea," Marija nodded. She darted into the bedroom and came back holding her solid and empty pips. She started for the doors as she clipped them on. "Thanks for the help David; Aaron don't forget to tie your shoelaces this time." And with that she was out the door and down the hall. "Nervous, isn't she?" Dells chuckled. "You have no idea," Aaron said. "Wanna help feed the fish?" "Sure." "Then can's over there." "Okay. What's that fish?" "Speckled Diggernit." "Mmhmm." Marija entered Holodeck One a few minutes later. It had been transformed into the usual banquet hall that had been used for ceremonies several times now. She tugged at the end of her uniform and looked around. The first to approach was Amanda. "Marija, you're late and Tuvok's having a cow," she said with a grin. "How could I be late?" Marija laughed. "It's 1941, so in his opinion you're late." "Who put him in charge of this, anyways?" "Daddy did." "Figures." "Yeah, Chakotay's too busy off doing more father-son pre- pinning bonding before the dinner starts." "How heartening," Marija made a face. "That's what I thought," Amanda laughed. Marija shrugged and went over to the table where Tuvok was seated. "You are late," he said needlessly. "You take all the fun out of getting a promotion, Tuvok," Marija smiled and sat in front of him. "I hardly view the matter of getting a promotion as 'fun', Marija," the Vulcan said steadily. "It is the culmination of a great deal of-" "Of hard work, determination, and skill," Marija finished for him. "I know, I know. You've only told me that daily since I was fourteen." "Indeed," Tuvok said, seemingly unannoyed by her interruption. He picked up a PADD. "Have you memorized your part?" "Yes," she nodded. "I do upon this time accept the responsibilities and duties that are bestowed upon me with this rank, yadda yadda." She waved her hand a bit. "That is partially correct," he said mildly. "But I trust that you will do well." "Don't I always?" she smiled sweetly at him. "I wouldn't do anything to embarrassed you Tuvok. Even if I could embarrass you." "Duly noted," he said, setting the PADD down. "Michael will receive his pip first, because he's moving to a lower rank than you are." "I know." Marija tapped her nails on the table. Tuvok looked at her and she clasped her hands in her lap. "Marija, are you nervous?" Tuvok asked. "Nervous?" "I would believe that you know what that condition is," he replied. "Well, sure I do. But I didn't know if you did." "You know I can recognize emotions even if I don't partake in them," Tuvok said, his voice tingeing with annoyance. "Well, yeah. I guess I am a little nervous." Marija looked down at her hands. "I feel like I've worked all this time to go through this alone. And I don't want to be alone, even though I know I'm not alone." She squinted in thought. "I believe it is not the actual ceremony that is bothering you, but something else." Marija closed her eyes, her hands clenching tighter. She held her breath for a moment. "I wish they could be here," she whispered. "They are here," Tuvok said softly. She didn't open her eyes when she replied. "How so?" "They are here, in the hearts and memories of everyone who is attending this ship. Myself, and yourself included." "But it isn't the same." "It may be that in body they have passed, but their spirit remains. It remains with this ship, as long as we wish for it to be so." Marija nodded mutely. After a moment, Tuvok cleared his throat. "The ceremony will begin in a few minutes. You may go to your seat now if you wish." "I'll do that," Marija opened her eyes and looked at him with an openly grateful expression. "And now may I present to all present, Lt. Commander Michael Chakotay," Chakotay's voice rang out in the banquet hall. As Michael turned with a proud grin there was applause from the assembled crew. After the applause died down, Michael returned to his seat. Chakotay picked up a PADD and read something to himself quickly. He looked over at Tuvok, who nodded. "And now, for the second half of this ceremony," Chakotay said to the 90 or so members of the crew that had crammed into the banquet hall on the holodeck. The assemblage struggled over itself to get the best view of the platform where Chakotay and Tuvok were standing. Marija looked over her shoulder to the table behind her where Aaron sat, smiling. She took a calming breath. It was almost time for her part of the ceremony, the main body of which had been created through the progression of previous years. "At this time we will now present Lt. Marija Janeway with the new stati of her rank," Chakotay said. "Lt. Janeway, please come up to the platform." Marija wordlessly followed the command and went to stand in front of her father. His eyes betrayed as little emotion as Tuvok's, and it although it irked Marija she did her best not to show. Tuvok came up and stood next to Chakotay. He held a flat blue box in his hands, and held it forth a bit as Chakotay continued. "Lt. Janeway, please place your hand on the box." She did so. "Inside this box is contained a pip, the symbol of the new rank that you are to hold upon the completion of this ceremony. You have already completed your oath of office at a previous time, and now it is of proper motion to make your promotion official. Do you accept your new responsibilities?" "Yes, I do upon this time accept the responsibilities and duties that are bestowed upon me with this rank. I will continue to follow the rules and regulations of this vessel their utmost, and do everything I can to ensure the safety of my fellow crewmates." "Let it be shown in the records that upon this date, Marija Janeway has been granted the rank and commission of Commander upon the starship Voyager." "It will be shown," Tuvok replied evenly. Chakotay nodded vaguely, and Tuvok undid the small gold clasp on the box. It opened, revealing the soft blue velvet inside, and the pip. It gave a golden shine as the box was tilted back. Marija swallowed. Chakotay reached into the box and picked up the pip. He raised it up to the collar of her uniform, and clasped the pip in place next to the other two pips. He then stepped back, as did Tuvok while closing the box. Chakotay rested his hand on her elbow as a cue for her to turn and face the crew. "And now I would like to present to all assembled here today, Commander Marija Janeway." The room burst into applause that was several degrees louder than it had been for the previous pinning. Someone in the back even whistled. Marija smiled dazedly, and to the crowd appeared to mouth the words `Thank you'. Tuvok held up his hand eventually to quiet the crew. Marija moved to step down from the platform so Chakotay could wrap up the ceremony, but instead his hand tightened on her elbow. "Please do not leave the platform, Commander," Chakotay said evenly. Marija turned to look at him incredulously. "Sir?" Her tone was doubtful. He seemed not to hear her, continuing to speak. "At this time, I have a final piece of duty to complete." He looked at Tuvok, who nodded in agreement. "What's going on?" Marija said in a low voice. Tuvok just quirked a brow. Marija swallowed again nervously. Chakotay dropped his hand from Marija's elbow, and stepped up next to her. "I have served this vessel as Captain for twenty years. In these past twenty years I have watched this crew evolve into an incredibly close knit family. And although these years have been a blessed thing to me, I will not be serving as Captain of Voyager any longer." There was a murmur among the crew, and Marija began to pale visibly. She shook her head in the slightest of motions, still wondering what the hell was going on. "At this time I am resigning from my position as Captain. Consider it retirement," Chakotay said, turning to face Tuvok. "But I have already appointed the new Captain of this vessel. I know this person to be hard working, highly knowledgeable, and I believe this person to be fully capable to take command." Chakotay paused, still looking at Tuvok. "I also wish that I could have been closer to this person, and a better friend. I am sorry that I never got to know them better before. That's because this person... is Commander Marija Janeway." There was surprised whispering among the crew. Down in the audience both Aaron and Michael's mouths hung open. Theirs' weren't the only ones, to be truthful. Marija's eyes went wide, and her coloring went from pale to completely flushed. Her mouth worked wordlessly as Chakotay and Tuvok turned to look at her. "I.. I don't understand," she whispered. "From this time on," Chakotay said loudly enough for the assemblage to hear, "Marija Janeway will now be addressed as Captain Janeway. She will be an acting Captain until completing required work and proving herself totally worthy of the title. Commander Tuvok will continue to serve as first officer." "Tuvok?" Marija looked at him, questions in her voice. "Did you know about this?" "Indeed. Captain Chakotay consulted me at great lengths before making this decision." "Oh. Well... I don't know what to say." "How about `thank you'!" someone down in the crowd called up. There was laughter. Marija smiled weakly. "Thank you, Captain," she said to Chakotay. "It's just Chakotay now, if you please, Captain," he said. Marija nodded. "Thank you, father," she said softly. Chakotay nodded imperceptibly, and then gestured at Tuvok. "He'll be able to fill you in on everything. Tomorrow morning, of course." "Okay," Marija smiled at Chakotay as he turned away and began to walk off the platform. Marija turned and faced her audience. "Um... hi." She giggled nervously. "I'm sorry if I sound a little nervous, but I've never been Captain before." There was approving laughter from the crowd, and she relaxed some, turning to Tuvok. She whispered: "What am I supposed to tell them?" "Captain's prerogative," he replied in a soft tone. She twisted her mouth in a demure smile, and turned back. "Well, since Tuvok won't tell me what I'm supposed to tell you, I'll just have to decide for myself." Marija cleared her throat and managed a relatively authoritative voice. "For my action as Captain, I'd like to declare this pinning ceremony as complete. So let's get this party-er-reception underway." There was applause, and after the crew began milling about Marija stepped down off the stage and into Aaron's arms. "Congratulations," he whispered into her hair. "I always knew you'd be Captain someday." "I know." She laughed. "I just wasn't expecting it so soon. Not for another ten years at least." Marija stepped back, smiling up at her husband. "I'm very proud of you," he said. "I mean, after all, it's not everyday you become Captain." "And certainly not under such circumstances," Marija said slowly. A thoughtful look appeared on her face. **I wouldn't have compromised as much so much of myself for fear of having you hating me I would've sung so loudly it would've cracked myself!** "Is something wrong?" Aaron looked at her with concern. Marija shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I just... need to go do something." She patted him on the arm. "I'll be back in a few minutes." "All right." Marija headed for the exit of the holodeck, which took several minutes as she was frequently stopped by crew wishing her congratulations. She did finally make it out of the holodeck and hastily went to the Bridge. News still traveled rapidly on Voyager, even after all these years, because the whole of the Bridge crew turned to look at her expectantly when she stepped of the turbolift and onto the Bridge. "At ease," she said. There were nods and smiles before the crew returned its attention to the quiet space ahead. Commander Paris turned from his seat at the Conn and smiled broadly at her. "Welcome to the Bridge, Captain," he said. Marija went down to the level where he sat. "Thank you, Uncle Tom," she whispered. "Has Chakotay been through?" "He went into the Ready Room just a few minutes ago," Paris said. "Didn't say anything though." Marija squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks." Marija went up to the entrance to the Ready Room, and stopped. She rang the chime. **I became self-conscious of anything exuberant I wouldn't have sold myself short I wouldn't have kept my eyes glued to the ground** "Enter," Chakotay voice came hollowly through the intercom. Marija entered the Ready Room. She was surprised at how empty it already seemed. Chakotay had by this time removed most of his personal effects from the office. He looked up from the desk. "You didn't have to ring," he said. "I suppose not," she replied. Marija stepped into the room, looking around with a critical expression. "Is there something specific that you came in for?" "I don't know," she said honestly. Marija paced to the viewport and then back to the middle of the room. "Why did you do this?" "What do you mean?" Chakotay looked puzzled. "This," Marija pointed first to her collar, and then made an expansive gesture at the rest of the room. "Why did you make me Captain? Why now?" "Because I believe that you are fit for the job," Chakotay said. "So is Tuvok," Marija's voice was harsh. "Why not make him Captain?" "He recommended you for this position," Chakotay said. "That doesn't matter," Marija shook her head. "You had to have some sort of motive behind this." "Why would I do that?" "You just want to see me fail," she said. "You'll wait for me to mess up on something, then snatch it all away. Give it to Michael if you want to honor one of your *precious* offspring." Marija was glaring now, ignoring the mixed expression on her father's face. "Marija, you should know that I would never do anything like that." "That isn't true. You've never cared about me, Chakotay. Never. All these years I've been working and striving, just to get some sort of response out of you," Marija clenched her hands at her sides. "But you never have even said `Good work, Marija'. Not once! You treat the warp core with more affection than you've ever showed me." Marija approached the desk with a heavy step. "Why?" "Marija.." Chakotay said roughly. He shook his head. "I don't know what to say." "'I'm sorry' would be a good start," Marija suggested. "I am sorry, Marija," he said. "I suppose that I should have told you that a long time ago." "You `suppose'? Is there anything else that you suppose?" Marija put her hands on the edge of the desk. "Chakotay, you're my father, but you've never been one to me. I've gotten more love and support from Tuvok than you. I was just baggage. You didn't want me. And you still don't." "Marija.." "You're just trying to get me to screw up so that you can take this away from me too. All my life I've had to pull what I needed from what I had. I couldn't get anything more. I lost my mothers, and I might as well have lost you too." "Don't drag them into this," Chakotay said sharply. "Why not? You have." "I have not," he took a deep breath, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I don't know how to explain anything to you." "Why don't you try for once?" She glared at him, and their eyes locked. Marija pushed herself away from the desk and started for the exit. "Marija, stop," Chakotay called. She did stop, which surprised them both a little. "If you'll just sit and listen... I might be able to explain myself." **if I had've known my invisibility would not make a difference I would've run around screaming proudly at the top of my voice I wouldn't have said it was in fact luck I'm talking idealism here I would not have been so self deprecating I wouldn't have cowered for fear of having my eyes scratched out!** Marija came back to the desk, pulled a chair in front and sat heavily. "Make it brief please, I have a reception to attend." Chakotay looked down at his hands. Then he looked up at her, stared at her for a moment. "You look so much like her, it hurts sometimes." "What?" "Looking at you is like looking at your mother.. Kathryn... but muted somehow." "I don't see what that has to do with it." "It has everything to do with it, Marija," Chakotay said softly. "She's been dead for twenty years, Chakotay," Marija replied stiffly. "Can't you let her go?" "I've tried," he snapped. "But every day.. every look at you brings her back. I loved your mother more than I probably should have. And I still do. You remind me so much of her... I'm sorry Marija." "You're sorry. What does that matter? You don't love me, or care about me. You're not proud of anything that I've ever done. I'm just your duty. And now.. now you give up that duty and think that making me Captain will make up for everything." Chakotay's expression softened. "You don't know how it hurts me to hear those things." "They're true." "No, they're not. I've always been proud of you. I can't tell you how proud I am of what you've become, of who you've grown into." Chakotay smiled wistfully. "And as for love.. Marija, you are my first born child. I love you as much, if not more, than Michael and Amanda. And you're definitely less annoying that Michael has been lately." Marija was reluctant. "That still doesn't change the past." "I know it doesn't," Chakotay agreed. "And nothing can. But I'd hoped that making you Captain would show how much I believe in you. I wouldn't have given you command of this ship if I didn't believe that you were fully capable." He leaned forward, placing his hands in front of hers. "I didn't give you this because I want you to fail, but because I know you'll succeed. I know you'll make me proud, and you'll make your mothers proud too. I'm sure you always have." He smiled again. "And besides, I retired because I'd like to be able to spend sometime with my grandchildren." **I wouldn't have cut my comfort off I wouldn't have feigned needlessness I would not have discredited every one of their compliments it was your approval I wanted your congratulations "I..." After a moment's hesitation she smiled--the first smile that she truly had meant to him in twenty years--at Chakotay. "Thank you." She gave his hand a pat. "Now, if you'll excuse me... my presence is a bit overdue at the reception." "You can just call it a party," Chakotay chuckled, and Marija laughed. "Well, I'm off to the party." She stood up, feeling that a decades old weight had been finally removed. "You won't come along?" "I have to finish this cleaning, but I may come by later," Chakotay said. "All right." "Have fun." She looked back and him and gave a smiling nod before leaving the ready room. February 2402 "Captain, we're reaching the coordinates." "All stop," Marija Janeway said evenly. She rose from her seat and strode up behind where Tom Paris was still seated at the helm. "On screen." Paris activated the viewscreen. "The quadrant just gets weirder and weirder." "I would have to agree, from what I've seen of it," Janeway said over his shoulder. What had appeared on the screen could only be described as a literal web of stars. They hung at such perfect distances that none orbited another. There was a slight stream of bright energy between each star, which visually created the effect that made the stars look like they were part of a giant web. "How on earth did this even come into existence?" Janeway muttered. "We have no way of knowing, Captain." "I realize that." Marija drummed her fingers on the railing, and then turned to the Science officer. "Lt. Jackson, what are sensors showing?" "It's a massive interconnected stellar field," Jackson said, looking down at his panel. "Comprised of approximately 43,000 stars, most of them are late main sequence, with about 2,000 red giants. The system stretches for several hundred light-years." "So going around might take awhile." "Yes, sir." "Can we go through it?" "I wouldn't recommend it, Captain," Jackson said slowly. "This system is under a very delicate gravitational balance. Aside from the possibility of being ripped apart when passing through, the ship could offset the balance." "So that's a no too." Janeway looked thoughtful for a moment. "What about going over it?" "Over it, sir?" Jackson looked at her like she was crazy. "Well I know there isn't any real `over'... but if we can't go through it or around it... there has to be another way." "You mean passing over the top plane of the web," Paris said. "Exactly," she nodded. "It would cut off a lot of time." "How much, do you think?" "At least two weeks." Janeway nodded. "Sounds good to me. Adjust our course, Commander." "Aye, Captain." Janeway turned and met the gaze of Chakotay, who was standing near the Bridge entrance. Marija's eyes searched her fathers, and she smiled in relief when she found the approval there. He nodded and silently left the Bridge. Marija let out a little sigh and turned back around to look at the viewscreen. "May I say something, Captain?" Paris's voice rose up from in front of her. "Of course." "It's nice to have a Janeway back on the Bridge." She smiled. "Is that so?" "Very. I found calling Chakotay `Captain' for twenty years sort of annoying." Marija gave a short laugh at this. She knew about the old rivalry. Paris looked up at her with his old cocky grin. "Though it is a bit unusual calling a woman who could be my daughter `Captain'." "I'll keep that in mind, Mr. Paris," Janeway said with a smile. --- February 2420 --- Voyager hung in orbit over a planet called Minnatena. It was a cold little planet that was inhabited but probably shouldn't have been. It was the first in a string of six planets-all that remained of what was likely once a larger solar system. The Minnaten sun had grown and swallowed several of the inner planets. But in the process it had also provided sufficient light and heat to a small planet. Life had sprouted upon the planet as the Minnaten sun hovered at that level of expansion for several million years. Now the sun was dying and retreating in on itself. And Minnatena was getting cold. Captain Janeway (who'd been of full Captain's rank and rapture for eight years now, after serving ten years as the acting Captain), stood in the town square of the Minnaten capital city, Regenia. She was waiting, to put it simply, for her meeting with the Emperor. Janeway was also being jostled, bumped, pushed, and sworn at by possibly every one of the dark-orange-skinned Minnaten's that lived in Regenia. She was wondering how her shore-leaving crew was doing, when someone collided with her from behind. "Max!" Janeway cried as she clambered to her feet. Max Janeway, her seventeen year old second son. Her only other offspring, aside from Jason. "Hi mom," Max laughed, brushing his black hair out of his eyes. "What have you been up to?" "Oh, just sight-seeing," Max said. He handed her a PADD. "What's this?" "Just a little letter from the Emperor." "The Emperor?" Janeway's brow rose in surprise. "What were you doing with the Emperor?" "I got into one of the palace tours," Max shrugged. "He noticed my uniform, and gave me this to give to `the Captain of the starship of which I cannot pronounce the name'. And so here it is." Janeway shook her head in mild disbelief. "He also said that this being a state payday, he's having problems and won't be able to see you until tomorrow." "Great," Janeway smacked her leg with the PADD. "Well, I suppose I'll be getting back to Voyager." "All right, mom," Max nodded. "Have fun, whatever you do." "You shouldn't be ordering the captain around," Janeway laughed as she made her way off through the crowd. As Max slowly made his way through the crowded street, he thought back about the earlier events of the day. "Oh, excuse me!" a startled female voice rang in Max's ears. As he regained his footing he got a look at the black haired woman who stood apparently blushing in front of him. "It's all right, miss," he said. She shook her head. "No, I should have been more careful," the young woman said. "I was in such a hurry, I didn't see where I was going." She looked at him carefully. "You're from that ship, aren't you?" "Yes," Max nodded with a smile. He found himself following her along the busy street. She was carrying a box, clutching it close to her chest. "So, sir from the Voi-uhger... what's your name?" "My name's Max," he said. "What's yours?" "Kerisha." She flushed a little and smiled. After a moment Kerisha tilted her head. "Do you know anything about star-craft?" "You mean as in ships?" She nodded. "Well, I suppose so. I live on one. And I help out in Engineering." "Engineering?" "It's where the ship is run from, where all the systems are kept running." "I see." Kerisha paused, and then looked up. They were nearing the main building of the palace. She looked at the guards. "Why'd you want to know?" "Well..." Kerisha squinted. "I'm on a design team for a star- craft." Kerisha paused for a moment, and the pointed up at the sun. A misty halo seemed to glow around it. "That's why." "The sun?" "Yes." Kerisha looked back at him. "I'll tell you later." "Later?" Max looked dumbfounded as Kerisha took him by the elbow and led him to the gate where the guards stood. "Just follow me," she whispered. Kerisha looked up at the guards. "Good afternoon gentlemen." "Afternoon, ma'am." The guards opened the gate. Kerisha tugged Max inside and the gates closed. "How'd you do that?" Max asked, looking back. "Oh, I'm just the emperor's niece, that's all," Kerisha shrugged. "Come on, I'll take you on a tour of the palace and I can explain things." "All right." "You see, our sun is dying, and we are too," Kerisha said. She led Max down another of the long elaborate halls of the palace. Max wondered how she went around without getting lost. "It's dying?" "It's getting colder," Kerisha said. "In the past decade alone the average temperature of our planet has dropped five degrees." "That's alot," Max said in surprise. She nodded. "We don't have much more time before Minnatena becomes inhospitable," Kerisha said. "Our scientists believe that within two hundred years... no one will be able to live here anymore." "Is that what the solar collectors were for?" She nodded. "Yes. They orbit our planet, and collect solar energy. It helps regulate temperature." She paused, looking thoughtful. "But even those aren't helping enough." "So what are you planning to do with a star-craft?" "Not just one star-craft," Kerisha's eyes glowed, "a whole fleet of them." "What with a fleet then?" "We're going to evacuate our planet," Kerisha said. "Look for another place to live." "Do you know where you'd be going?" "The Emperor is listening to the visitors of our planet--to people such as your Captain." "I understand his reasoning," Max said. Kerisha nodded slowly. "Everyone is working hard on this," she said. "I was put on one of the main teams because of my relation to the Emperor, but I also am fairly knowledgeable on the travel subject." She looked at him evenly, and then laughed. "What?" "I was a runaway, once," she said. "I traveled almost all over Minnatena, meeting the people. That was a few years ago. Before then I'd been just as sheltered as the Emperor's daughters." She shook her head. "Was it worth it?" "Yes," Kerisha nodded. "Just like this will be." They walked like what seemed the entire grounds of the palace. Kerisha explained everything she knew about the star-craft project--about the launching of the solar collectors into orbit attracting a star-craft that sparked the idea to leave Minnatena. "So it all really came about quite by accident," Kerisha concluded. "Interesting." "We still use the collectors, of course. They're quite vital to our current survival," Kerisha led him through another set of wrought doors. "That's why your ship coming was such a blessing. Your crew has been very helpful." "Me too?" She smiled. "You too." They entered an expansive garden. It was the third of its kind that they'd been through, but this was one special because of its lack of occupancy. Only a few people were crowded up on a gazebo in the middle of the garden. "There's Uncle," Kerisha said, pointing to the gazebo with a slender hand. "The Emperor?" Kerisha nodded and smiled as a voice crowed out across the garden. "Kerisha! Kerisha! Is that you?" "Yes, sir," she called back. "What's that you have with you?" "A visitor," Kerisha called. She took Max by the hand and led him through the garden, up to the steps of the gazebo. The robed gathering thinned a bit to let them approach. "A visitor, is he?" the Emperor of Minnatena was a robust looking fellow, very well built with his blue-ing black hair cut close to his tanned face. He chuckled, hugged his niece hello, and then turned to look at Max. "Hmm, I don't remember seeing your face around before." "That's because I've never been here before, sir," Max said unevenly. The Emperor chuckled again. "Oh yes, that's right. Your clothing... you're from that star -craft that is visiting, aren't you?" Max nodded. "Ah, delightful. Kerisha, how do you pronounce it again?" "Voi-ahger," she managed. For some unknown reason the pronunciation of Voyager was beyond the Minnentan's capabilities. "Mm, yes," he nodded. Something seemed to occur to him. "I was supposed to speak with your captain this afternoon." "Yes, she told me," Max replied with a smile. "Oh? And how did you get on such good terms with the captain of a powerful star-craft...." the Emperor waved his fingers to get Max to produce his name. "Max." "Yes, how did you, Max?" "She's my mother," Max admitted. The Emperor grinned broadly. "Is that so? Wonderful, wonderful," he chuckled again. "I've only spoken with her a few times, but it was evident that any children she had would be bright ones." "Thank you, sir." "Ah, the compliment is free," the Emperor smiled. "If you wouldn't mind, Max, son of the Captain of the starship of which I cannot pronounce the name, could you deliver a message for me?" "Sure." The Emperor picked up something that looked like a Voyagerian data PADD, but shaped differently, and handed it to Max. "She'll know what it's about. Tell her that I've been very busy with appointments today, because its pay day. I promise though, that I will meet with her tomorrow." "I'll tell her." "Excellent," the Emperor nodded with a pleased look. Max had never met such a pleasant ruler before--he was under a better disposition than even Marija had on most days. They chatted for a few minutes, and then a loud chime sounded. Everyone present seemed to sigh. The Emperor shook his head. "This is ridiculous," he said. "How many of these things do we have to go through today?" "What's he talking about?" Max whispered to Kerisha. "On payday, which is something of a holiday here because it occurs only three times a sun-cycle, whenever the chimes are rung there's a little ceremony we have to go through." "Oh." "It's a silly tradition," the Emperor said, "who made it up, anyways?" "I think you did, sir," one of the robed Minnatens said. The Emperor shook his head. "Couldn't have been me. Must have been my grandfather. He was always the one for creating these silly ideas." "Perhaps I was mistaken, sir," the advisor said. "Do I have to do this to?" Max asked. "I'm afraid so," the Emperor said. "Just copy what we do, all right?" Max nodded in agreement and watched as the Emperor and his advisors began a series of arm movements and bows. The last was a deep sweeping bow, which surprised Max because it almost caused the participants to hit their heads on the floor. Kerisha gestured at Max to follow her movements, and they went through the ceremony. They made it to the very end without incident, until Max made a misjudgment on his own height. On the final bow he smacked his head on a small ledge. "Ow," Max managed as he stood up. He blinked hard, and Kerisha covered her mouth in an embarrassed giggle. "Oh dear," she gasped. "I'm so sorry, Max." "I'm all right," he blinked, rubbing the lump forming on his forehead. "Are you sure?" the Emperor asked in concern. He stamped his foot. "I knew that that ceremony was no good. Aledis-" He waved at one of the advisors. "-make a note to get rid of that ceremony." "Yes, sir," the advisor droned. Kerisha leaned close, squinting at the purplish mark that had appeared. "That's quite a bump," she said, "are you sure that you're all right?" He looked into her eyes that were filled with surprising concern and nodded. "Yeah, nothing the Doctor can't fix." "How about we get you some ice," Kerisha suggested. "Sounds good," he smiled, tottering a bit. "Careful now," she laughed softly, holding onto his arm. "We don't need you wandering into any more ledges." Max chuckled as she led him off. The Emperor watched on, shaking his head.... "Ah, Captain Janeway," Emperor Alleginis smiled broadly and greeted Marija Janeway. "So very good to see you this day." It was the next day, down on Minnatena. The Emperor clasped Janeway's hands in his own and made a bowing motion. She copied it, having done so several times before, and then followed him into the gardens where they'd agreed to conduct that day's business. "As it to see you, Emperor." They say on two big chair next to a fountain. Marija smiled and looked around, taking in a breath of non-recycled air. It was certainly better than the air in the courtyard had been yesterday. Alleginis held up a PADD that Janeway had sent to him and waved it slightly. "Now, as to your requests." "Yes, as to them," she sat up some, looking down at her own PADD. "The work on the solar collectors is progressing very well," the Emperor said. "Your ideas on how to keep them in orbit longer will help a great deal." "Well, they were the ideas of my Engineers, but I thank you nonetheless," Janeway nodded. "And as for your request on an extra tonnage of food... I think we will be able to work something out." "Oh?" "Yes," Alleginis nodded, still smiling his ever-pleasant smile. "If you were able to supply some extra fuel for the boosters on the collectors, I would call that a fair trade." "Very fair," Janeway agreed. "I can have it sent up as soon as you need it." "There's no rush, I'd hope," the Emperor said. "Your crew has been extremely helpful, and have been making good company with my people." "I told them to be on their best behavior," Janeway chuckled. "I didn't expect to take my word so quite to the letter." "It is one of their many good qualities," Alleginis nodded. He leaned back in his chair, looking thoughtful. After a few minutes passed in silence, Janeway cleared her voice. "Is something wrong, Emperor?" "Oh, no," he shook his head. A tilt of the big brown hand that supported his chin. "You know about our star-craft project, yes?" "Yes, I've heard about it." "What do you think?" Janeway paused. "Well, sir.. in what aspect." "This project is the hope of the future of my people," Alleginis said. "If it fails, we will have nothing, but then we won't have much time leftover to lament the fact." He looked at the Captain keenly. "Do you think it will be successful?" "If you're asking for help, you already know I am limited in how much I can give in that area." "I know, I know," he nodded quickly. "You mere presence has sparked the imaginations of the best of the best of my scientists. All I wonder is... from someone else's point of view... do you think we will be successful?" "I hope that you will be," Janeway said earnestly. "I would hate to see such a fine people as yours be lost." She hesitated, licking her bottom lip in thought. "And I do think, that with enough time, you could be successful." The Emperor heaved a soft sigh. "Time, I am truly afraid, is the one thing we're lacking." "I know. I am very sorry for what is happening to your people." She shook her head slowly. "I would hate to have such a sentence placed on my own crew." "I am glad that the feeling exists on both sides," the Emperor smiled. "You have a fine crew, if I haven't already told you enough times. You should be very proud." "I am," she returned the smile. "I met your son yesterday.. Max, I believe." "He said as much," Janeway nodded. "Took a bit of a bump on the head, I'm afraid," Alleginis said. "You probably didn't know though. The swelling went down very quickly after Kerisha put some ice on it." "Kerisha?" "Mm, my niece," he nodded. "Like another of my daughters to me. A bit of a wild one, but they all are once in a while." "Yes, I suppose so," Janeway chuckled. "You have raised your son well, and your crew too," Alleginis said. "And it has been of an extreme pleasure to work with you." "As it is here," she smiled and shook his extended hand. --- March 2420 --- Marija sat in her office, an empty coffee mug throwing a slight shadow over the numerous untouched PADDs that covered her desk. She reached for the mug, having it halfway to her lips before realizing that she'd finished its contents several tries before. Her stomach turned unhappily--the coffee wasn't sitting well. She wasn't sure what was bothering her; something just was. Work on Minnatena was nearing completion, and Voyager would be ready to leave the planet within the next week. Marija sighed and rubbed her eyes as the door chimed. "Enter," she said, calming her voice. Marija smiled as Max entered the ready room. He looked slightly nervous. His hair was tousled, like he'd just woken up, but from the look on his face she could tell that her son hadn't slept recently. "Mom," Max said softly. He came in and sat heavily on the chair in front of her desk. "Is something wrong?" Marija asked, looking concerned. Max shook his head. "No, not exactly." "Not exactly?" the Captain moved the coffee mug out of the way. Max breathed deeply, looking at his mother. No, he couldn't do this... she looked too bothered already... "I need to ask you something," Max said evenly. "Go right ahead," Marija nodded. He looked down at his hands for a moment, hesitating to go further. "I want permission to leave Voyager," he said softly. It took a moment for Marija to understand what he'd said. "You already have had permission to go to the planet to help with the solar collectors..." she studied his expression, and then sat up sharply in her seat. "Oh." Max nodded stilly, his eyes downcast, afraid to look his mother head on. "On a permanent basis," he added after a long pause. Marija tapped her fingers on the desktop thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, Max, please state your reasons." "I want to help the Minnatens with their star-craft," Max said. Marija pursed her lips. "I know I can help them." "Max.." "Please, Mom, listen. They're going to die, and they know it. Their planet is already doomed. The Minnatens are already trying to build a star-craft, they just need help. And I know I have the knowledge to help them." "Max, I feel for those people, and I greatly wish I could help them myself, but I can't just leave you on that planet," Marija said evenly. "There's another reason," her son spoke after another moment. "I... I'm in love with someone." "Kerisha," Marija guessed. "Yes." Marija didn't move, which bothered Max a little. She made no show whatsoever, whether through sighing or wincing or blinking, as to what she was thinking. "You really think that you're in love with her?" she asked. "I know I am," Max said. "And I want to be with her." "And so you wouldn't be able to leave the planet with her." "Minnaten culture forbids any relative of the emperor to leave," Max said quietly. Marija licked her lips, her eyes focused on a spot behind him. "And you are willing to leave this ship, and your people, to be with her." It was a statement, not a question. "I am," he nodded a bit. Marija's expression tightened some, and she tilted her head downward. There was silence for several minutes while she seemed to deliberate. She finally raised her head, her deep blue eyes settling on her son. "I cannot permit you to leave this ship on the basis of helping a doomed people. My beliefs and training will not permit it." Max moved to protest, but she raised her hand. There was a pause, and she let out the breath she had been holding. "But I cannot deny your request to leave this ship to be with the one you love. I hold the knowledge of what comes from love being denied too deeply within myself to do that to you." She stood up from her chair, palms resting on the desktop. "So I hereby grant you permission to depart from Voyager, on a permanent basis." Max's shoulders rolled with a sigh of relief. "Thank you." Marija's eyes grew glossy as she continued. "Now.. I hope you realize that by doing this, you are turning your back on your family and your crew, possibly forever. Once we leave this space, we'll probably never come back." "I know... and I understand. I will never forget anyone from Voyager. I can't--we're all family." Marija smiled thinly. "Have you talked to your father about this?" "Yes," Max said, "He said that he wishes I wouldn't ask to go, but that I have his support." "I knew he'd say that," she replied quietly. "You're not mad at him, are you?" Max looked concerned. She shook her head. "I have no reason to be," she said. "I just know that he'd do and say what he felt was right. And so would I." Max nodded slightly in understanding. "Belief has always been important to you," he said softly. "Yes, it has," Marija agreed. She looked down at her hands, and then pointed at the pips on her collar. "Belief hurt me, and helped me." She looked at him, dropping her hand. "I only hope that it isn't going to hurt me again." "I promise... I won't let it hurt you." She smiled. "I know." With a slight sniff she waved her hand. "Well, I suppose that you should be going now. I'm sure you have a lot to do." "Yes," he nodded. "Thank you, again." "You're still welcome." After a moment's hesitation Max left the ready room. Marija watched him go, her hands clenching in fists to stop them from trembling. Once the doors had closed her face fell drastically; she sank into the desk, her hands pressed over her face. "Oh, Max," she wailed, tears streaming down her face. The desk was cold, and offered no comfort. Another two weeks passed, and Max's decision remained. He stood in the transporter room, next to a crate that held his belongings. He had already been given permission to transport down for a final time, but he was waiting. The transporter technician cleared her throat, looked at him curiously. "Are you sure you want to wait, Max?" "Yeah, I'll wait for her, Kali." The technician nodded. Max sat on the crate, propped his head in his hands like he was waiting for a bus. "What about your dad and Jason?" Ensign Brose asked after another minute or two. "I said good-bye to them this morning," Max said quietly. "But she was already gone when I got up." "On the Bridge?" "Yeah." Max shifted some. "Does she know what time you're supposed to be transporting down?" "Of course she does. I think she arranged her work schedule so she wouldn't be able to come down." "Do you want me to call her again?" "No," Max sighed. "She'll come if she wants to." "How long are you going to wait?" Max looked over at Kali Brose. "Until she comes." Brose didn't reply, just nodded. Another few minutes passed. "You know this must be hard on her." "It's hard on everyone," Max said gruffly. "You really have no idea," Brose said. He glanced over at her. "I mean, you leave the ship, and its like you're dead." "But I'm not." "It'll still feel the same way." "You're too sensitive, Kali." Brose sighed. "I know." Another few minutes, and Max shifted again. He looked at Ensign Brose, who looked up from her console and shrugged. "The computer says she's still on the Bridge." "The computer can be wrong once in a while," a deeper voice replied. They both looked over at the entrance. Captain Janeway stood there, hands clasped behind her back. She was also minus her commbadge. Max huffed a slight laugh. "You came." "You knew I would," she gave his a smile, though he could tell her heart wasn't in it. His father had told him that Marija hadn't slept in three days. Brose watched on silently. "Yes." After another strangled pause Max added: "I'll be good, I promise." "You've always been good." On a mother's instinct--the one that told her that she'd never get this chance again--Marija pulled her son into her arms. He seemed to melt into the hug, as she clutched him like he was only a baby. "Take good care of yourself," she whispered. "I will," he replied. She gave him a squeeze, and then pulled away from the hug. Her eyes were dry, and truth be told, she showed no outward signs of anguish. But Max wasn't bothered... he'd heard from his father that Marija had cried out all her tears a long time ago. It wasn't the Captain's facade that she showed him, but more so one of a mother who had dealt with a problem long enough to get used to it--or at least to be able to pretend that she was used to it. Max lugged the crate onto the transporter pad, watched it disappear, and then stood on the pad himself. He turned to face his mother a last time. The faintest look cracked her face--one of a combination of many things. Love, pride, fear, anguish-- all existed on her face in that moment. "Good-bye, Max." "Good-bye, Mom." "I love you, honey." "I love you too." She raised her hand in a salute of farewell, the tips of her fingers curling ever-so-slightly. She squinted and swallowed hard. Max raised his own hand in a wordless wave, and then the transporter collected him and took him down to his new home. Several minutes passed before Janeway lowered her hand. She didn't look at Brose as the ensign announced quietly that the transport was completed safely. Marija Janeway merely turned, her insides melted with the fear of death, and left the transporter room without a sound. --- May 2421 --- Marija Janeway propped her chin up on a hand and took a sip from her mug of coffee. She stared out into the endless night, and then shifted on the couch. Her body came to tired rest and she looked around the room. Her eyes fell upon a shelf, and her feet took her there. Marija reached for the nearest photo, the newest one, and swallowed. It was of Max and Kerisha, taken a little over a year ago. She hoped that they were happy together, and that the Minnatens would be safe. The next picture was of her father--Captain Chakotay. He had died not long ago, only half a year had passed. She looked at the picture, a tear watering the edge of her eye. Marija pursed her lips, suppressing the sigh. Chakotay had died in his sleep, his heart giving out only a few hours before he would have normally awoke. She was grateful, as was Aunt Alex, for that... Other pictures graced the shelf. Marija wiped a streak of dust off the gilded frame of she and Aaron. It had been taken at a Christmas party many years before, when she was pregnant with Max. Another was of Jason and Max, both in their early teens. There were others of various crewmembers, some living and some deceased. A copy of Marija's `Captain's photo' sat near the back. It was an unbelievably old picture... taken only a few days after she'd taken command of Voyager. With a slight laugh Marija wondered if she'd ever bothered to update the picture. A few gray hairs could change the appearance of a person. But only a few, of course. The past wanted it's share of time to be revisited, but unfortunately the present called with a much louder voice. "Captain, we're nearing the nebula," Michael Chakotay's voice came through the comm system. "All right, I'm on my way." Marija set down the picture she had been holding back in its place and turned from the shelf. She stooped to pull her boots back on, and then went to the exit. "Captain on the Bridge," the security officer's voice sounded across the room as she entered. She nodded, taking her seat in the command chair. "Take us in, ready the probe." "Aye, Captain." A moment or two passed. Janeway watched the nebula grow on the viewscreen. Then: "Okay, we'll be passing through the nebula in twenty seconds." "Confirmed," the security officer's voice sounded. "Entering nebula... now," said Lt. Chakotay. She looked up at the screen quickly. Michael Chakotay nodded and turned to his half sister. True, the old rivalry may have still been there, but on this ship blood bound people together more tightly than anything else. And in his heart he knew that their father had been right all along in his choices. "Captain?" Marija Janeway held her hands firmly on the sides of her chair, locking a gaze on the viewscreen. With the faintest of smiles, and then a nod she called: "Launch probe now." And the rest is.. herstory. --- Poverty stole your golden crown; It didn't steal your laughter And heartache came to visit me; But I knew it wasn't ever after We'll fight, not out of spite; For someone must stand up for what's right 'Cause where there's a man who has no voice; There ours shall go singing... --- continued in the sixteenth Song of The Bleeding Hearts - 'Return to Christmas'