The BLTS Archive - Mirage twelfth in The Song of The Bleeding Hearts by Sforzie (Sforziesforzichu@yahoo.com) or (shelly@camcomp.com) --- Disclaimer: Paramount owns their stuff, I own mine. And all the world's happy. I doubt they'd want to claim this anyhow... :) Yes, it's the long awaited J/7 sequel! Yay! And to stick with the series it sequels, this story has a song with it. It's property of Alanis Morissette. Yep yep. Dedication: This, like a couple have been, is dedicated to Kadith and AJ.. (grins). You two deserve it anyways. So, enjoy! --- August, 2421 --- Sunlight streamed down through stained glass windows, seemingly out of place on the dusty summer scene of the country farm. Shades of blue and red traced a delicate path down the walls, and a warm gust of air danced through the slight opening under the window, disturbing the gauzy curtains there. There was the smell of honeysuckle on the air, and it seemed to bear a tantalizing witness of things to come. Eventually the sun rose in the sky, and the colors from the window eventually found their way on a pale patch of skin, and the warm breeze began to stir delicate strands of hair. "Mmm...." a husky voice found its way up from the surface of a pillow. Its owner rolled over, shading an eye against the diluted morning sunlight. She worked her toes, and then her ankles, rolling the stiffness from her joints. "What is it?" another voice asked a few minutes later. "Morning," the first woman said softly. "It can't be already," the second objected, and returned her face to the pale blue cover of the pillow. The first chuckled and dropped her feet to the dark wood paneling of the floor. She worked her toes again, and then pushed off the bed. The other occupant of the bed was displaced slightly, and as she rolled over her eyes opened. She cast a disputant look at the woman who was now standing. "It's too early to wake up," she protested after another moment. "Come back to bed." She patted the abandoned sheets. The other woman chuckled. "Look at the time, it's already 10:30," she said softly, looking back at the form in the bed. "We have to stop sleeping in like this." "What else is there for us to do?" the other smiled. The first woman laughed. "You have a point, but we still should at least let the world know we're alive," she said. "Put some clothes on at least," the woman in the bed said drily. "You're going to blind someone yet, Kathryn." There was another flurry of laughter, echoing off the high ceiling of the room. "And I'm suddenly such a bad thing to look at?" "Well..." "I'd be offended if I didn't know that you were trying to keep me all to yourself," Kathryn Janeway's voice chimed pleasantly. She ran her hands over her arms, smoothing away gooseflesh. "I wonder what the weather will be like today." "Beautiful, as usual," Seven of Nine smiled. "Like you." "Oh, you are a sport, aren't you?" Kathryn went over to a hook by the window and picked up the sleeping gown she had been neglecting to wear lately. It was hot and humid sometimes at night, and she'd found it more comfortable sleeping nude than having the thin green silk of her nightclothes sticking to her. Seven had wordlessly followed suit, and Kathryn had never questioned it. The cloth slipped over her shoulders, passing silently through the metallic gathering on her left arm, and flowed down near to her knees. She turned to Seven, who had come to a sitting position. "Do you think that's enough?" "Enough?" Kathryn's voice larked as she stepped towards the bed. "Whatever do you mean?" "Don't you think you should put on some underwear at least?" Seven smiled thinly. Kathryn chuckled. "One pair of underwear, coming right up," she said, tapping a key on her arm. "There is that better?" She raised the hem of her nightgown up over her thigh. "Very much." "Do you plan on getting dressed any time soon?" "No, I plan on going to sleep," Seven laid back down on the pillow. "Not if I can help it," Kathryn smirked and sat down heavily on her spot of the bed. Seven was jounced up a bit, and Kathryn caught her by the arm. She pulled her up into a kiss, and then let Seven drop back onto the bed. Kathryn rose and stood by the window. "Where'd you learn to do that?" Seven gasped, her eyes wide. "Practice, m'dear," Kathryn smiled over her shoulder. "From where? You were dead before me and never did anything like that before," Seven slowly dragged herself out of bed. "Sounds like someone has a bug in their program," Kathryn chuckled again as Seven pulled some clothes on. "Care to take a look at it?" Seven offered suggestively. Kathryn's brow raised. "Not right now," she finally decided. "Why not?" Seven didn't sounded dejected, at least. "I'm hungry," Kathryn amended. "You're a hologram." "I'm a hungry hologram," she nodded, her delicate hands grasping the bottom of the window frame and giving the blue and red glass an upward tug. The window opened and Kathryn leaned out. "Good morning, Miss Janeway," Ensign Paris greeted the former captain brightly. "You're looking nice this morning." "Thank you, Torres," Kathryn smiled. "What brings you to the holodeck today?" "The roof," Torres shrugged. "The roof?" Kathryn echoed curiously. "Yes. It's supposed to rain this afternoon." "Well thank you for letting us know in advance," Kathryn called. "It's the weather, Miss Janeway... you can only predict it," Torres smiled as she went up the ladder to the roof of the farm house. "Well!" Kathryn huffed slightly as she leaned back inside and pulled the window down halfway. "Torres Paris says it looks like rain this afternoon." "We'll have to go for a walk," Seven smirked. Kathryn caught her by the arm. "Oh come on, aren't your hunger subroutines acting up even a little bit? I know mine are." "I could do without those subroutines," Seven said. "I remember you said that the first time you had to eat," Kathryn laughed. She paused in front of mirror on the wall next to the door. "I'm changing," she decided. "Changing?" "Clothes," Kathryn said. "I feel naked in this." "You look naked in this." Kathryn snorted a laugh. "You change too," she said. "Must I?" "Put something on that reaches your knees, and some shoes," Kathryn smiled. "Try to look more awake than you are." "Flattery will get you nowhere." "I could make you put on make-up." "But I don't need it, so I know you won't," Seven came to a stop behind Kathryn at the mirror. Kathryn grabbed Seven's hands as they snaked around her waist. Seven pressed a kiss onto the back of her neck, and Kathryn leaned back slightly. They stared at their image in the mirror. Seven broke a hand free and reached up to brush a strand of her permanently blonde hair out of her eyes. "I wonder..." Seven murmured. Kathryn glanced up. "What?" "Where Marija got black hair from," Seven said quietly. "From Chakotay probably," Kathryn smiled. "And her eyes?" Kathryn's gaze returned to the mirror. "I'm not sure." Seven rubbed Kathryn's arm. After another few minutes of silence Kathryn released her grip and stepped away. She went over to the closet, pulling the heavy door open and looking inside. Kathryn ran her hand over the soft sea of fabrics, and then pulled a dark brown sun dress off of its hangar. She turned to Seven as she changed clothes, dropping the dress over her shoulders and tugging it down to her knees. "Come on, it isn't that hard to change clothes," Kathryn smiled. Seven echoed the motion after a moment. "Throw me something then," she said, stepping forward. Kathryn looked through the closet again and pulled out another sun dress, this one a pale lavender, and tossed it across the short distance to Seven. While the other changed she fished a pair of sandals from the closet and hunkered down on the floor to lace them on. "So do you want to go for a walk?" Kathryn asked as she handed Seven a pair of sandals and rose to her feet. "Aren't you hungry?" "Ravenous," Kathryn smiled. "We can get something and take it with us." "Alright," Seven pulled on the sandals. "Where are we going?" Seven asked. They walked down a dirt road that stretched off into the distance. Kathryn munched on an apple that she had snatched from the breakfast table. "That's a silly question to ask," she smiled. "Where do we always go?" "Down the road and back," Seven replied. "We've never stopped at that deserted shack on the side of the road," Kathryn said thoughtfully. "True, but why should we stop there now?" "I dunno," Kathryn mumbled, looking across the empty fields. Their feet kicked up clouds of dirt as they walked. The sun was still glaring down brightly overhead. "We should've brought water." "It is hot," Seven admitted. Their sandals continued to crunch over the sun-baked road. "But then, we really won't be needing any water soon," Kathryn commented. "Why do you say that?" Seven asked. Kathryn gestured off to the west. "Look for yourself." Just as Torres Paris had warned them, heavy purple clouds were clipping across the horizon. There was a blurriness between the clouds and the ground, evidence that it was already raining. "Those clouds are moving pretty fast," Seven said as they came to the top of a small hill. Kathryn turned in a slow circle. "Do you think we could make it back to the farmhouse before they get there?" "I have a better idea," Kathryn smiled. She pointed. Less than a mile down the road was the shack that they had spoken of only moments before. There was a growl from behind them. Thunder. "Kathryn, I don't think we can make it," Seven protested. The clouds of dust were beginning to rise on their own. Summer storms had a tendency to come up quickly, and this one was no exception. The wind whistled for a moment, and Kathryn squinted. "Oh come on, it'll be fun," she said. Thunder growled again. The smell of rain began to fill the air as it blew rapidly out of the west. Kathryn smiled encouragingly at Seven. After a moment's hesitation Seven nodded. "Alright," she said. "But just this once." They started down the backside of the hill. The dirt in the air was making it uncomfortable to breathe, and Kathryn coughed a few times. "You okay?" Seven asked. "Fine," Kathryn nodded. She paused for a minute and removed her sandals. "You'll hurt your feet," Seven warned. "Not if we cut across the fields," the other laughed. "Kathryn!" Seven protested again, but pulled her own sandals off. They cut through the fields, which were only soft green shoots at this time of the year. The smell of rain grew stronger, and smaller clouds raised overhead and blocked out the sun. Everything seemed to be going in fast forward. They broke into a run as the wind slapped hard on their backs. It began to rain less when they were less than three hundred meters from the shack. Seven reached it first, jumping up onto the porch. She was already soaked to the bone. Seven tried the door. "Locked," she announced as Kathryn reached the porch. Kathryn stood on the bottom step, panting. "Will you at least get out of the rain?" "I'm not hot anymore," Kathryn laughed, running a hand through her hair. "You're wet instead," Seven replied. "True," she shrugged lightly. The was a bright flash of lightning, followed only seconds later by a tremendous roar of thunder. Kathryn yelped in surprise and went up the steps to the porch. "Okay, I'm up here now where its dry. Is that better?" "For me at least," Seven said. Kathryn sat down on the warm boards of the porch and wrung out her hair. Rainwater dripped off of her and pooled on the boards. Seven sat down next to her. She tossed their sandals to the other side of the porch. The wind blew steadily across the porch, and Kathryn sighed. The sky overheard grew darker as the clouds continued to suffocate the sun. The dust clouds had all been choked to the ground. After several minutes of dripping, Kathryn tugged her dress off, and laid it out to dry. She lay down on the boards again, closing her eyes. She was aware of, after several minutes, the presence of eyes on her body. "It's not polite to stare," Kathryn commented, not bothering to open her eyes. "I wasn't staring," Seven said. "Then what were you doing?" "Admiring." "Mm hmm." Kathryn cracked her eyes open. Seven was wringing out her dress. "You didn't put any underwear on." "So?" "You made a big deal out of the fact that I didn't," Kathryn said drily. "Well... it's important that you do." "I see," Kathryn said. She wriggled out of her underwear and wrung them out. Thunder growled again as she pulled them back on. "How long do you think it'll last?" "What?" "The storm," Seven said. "As long as the program wants it to," Kathryn said lightly. She sat up, crossing her legs. The sky was grower darker by the minute, soon it would be pitch black. And it wasn't even quite noon yet. Lightning flickered repeatedly. There was a pause before the thunder. "The real storm isn't here yet," Seven noted. She ran her hands through her hair. "Let me braid your hair," Kathryn said suddenly. Seven blinked. "What?" "Just let me," she said, inching behind Seven. "Alright." Kathryn parted Seven's damp hair into three sections, untangling strands with her fingers. Seven sighed deeply as the wind picked up. Kathryn slowly braided her hair, wringing it out little by little as she did so. "I wish my hair was still long," Kathryn said idly. "You could always make it longer," Seven pointed out. "True, but its just not the same," Kathryn sighed. As she reached the bottom of the braid, a frown made its way onto Kathryn's face. Seven glanced over her shoulder. "What is it?" "I remember... braiding Marija's hair when she was about four," Kathryn said softly. She paused, squinting in the increasing darkness. "I can't help but still think of her as a little girl, Seven. I see her around the ship. And she's the Captain! But it just doesn't seem possible." "She'll always be twelve to me," Seven admitted. Kathryn finished the braid and tied it off. She moved back to sit next to Seven. The wind was howling steadily around them now, but they seemed exist in a pocket of silence. Kathryn drew her knees up to her chest. "Seven..." "Mm?" "Why'd we have to die?" Kathryn's voice cracked. Seven frowned in thought. "Maybe that's how things were supposed to happen," she said. "Then why'd we come back?" Kathryn asked. The lightning flickered in her blue eyes, as did it in Seven's. "Maybe we were just supposed to," Seven suggested. She shifted uncomfortably. The wind changed as well, blowing the rain away from the pair. Kathryn sighed. "It just isn't fair, you know?" she whispered. "We never got to see our own daughter grow up. There was so much we never to the chance to do." "Then maybe that's the reason," Seven said. "Maybe there is a great reason for our revival than we could possibly imagine." "Sometimes... I just wish I knew." "I know how you feel, Kathryn," Seven murmured. Kathryn leaned against her, still staring out into the stormy landscape. She reached behind her and picked up the half-dried sun dress. Pulling in on over her, Kathryn moved a few feet down the porch to a drier spot. She lay out on her stomach, resting her chin on crossed arms. A few minutes later Seven, with her own dress pulled back on, came to rest next to Kathryn. --- The growling of her own stomach woke Kathryn. She lifted her head sleepily, squinting as the sun gleamed into her eyes. The storm had passed, leaving behind a blue sky and few remaining clouds. Her hair was dry, as was most of her dress. She nudged Seven, who was leaning heavily against her. "Come on Seven, wake up," Kathryn said. She pulled herself to her feet, looking around for their sandals. They were down in the grass. Seven woke and dragged herself to her feet. She looked around and ran a hand over her braided hair. They walked back to the farmhouse barefoot. Their pace was slow, and Kathryn would occasionally stop and turn around to look at the footprints they had left in the muddy road. Seven breathed deeply. "Everything is so much different after the rain," she commented. Kathryn's eyes rose from her observation of the puddle forming in the even shape of Seven's footprint. "The dust is gone... the land is wiped clean." "Clean..." Seven's voice was skeptical as she worked her toes in the mud. "That hardly seems appropriate." Kathryn laughed. "It all depends on how you look at it." "The colors are brighter. The grass is greener, the sky bluer." Seven shrugged, the thought coming to an end. Kathryn tilted her head. "The air smells different too," she said. Seven sniffed, and nodded. Kathryn turned back around and continued her trek down the soggy road. The ground was already drying in some spots, but puddled in others. Kathryn stepped through a puddle, and stopped. She cursed softly, lifting her left foot out of the muddy water. "What's wrong?" Seven stopped. "I cut my foot," Kathryn said. She balanced as she doubled over to look at her foot. There was a long red line running down the arch of her foot, and blood oozed out as she moved her toes. "Give me my sandals." Seven handed them to her, and put her own back on. Kathryn put her shoes on and ran her hand through the puddle. She pulled up a rock that was black and jagged. "Are you okay?" "I'll be fine," Kathryn chuckled at the irony of it. Here they were-holograms, and still unable to keep themselves out of trouble. "I'm sure there's a holographic dermal regenerator back at the house." "And if there isn't we can always get one." They made rest of their trip back quickly. Kathryn looked at the black rock as they went down the road. She turned it over in her hands. "Is something wrong?" Seven glanced over at her. Kathryn shook her head. "No. I just find it odd that there would be a rock in the middle of the road." "There are rocks on farms, aren't there?" "Yes, I suppose so." Kathryn fell silent. When they reached the farmhouse the sun was just beginning to tuck behind the farthest set of trees. Paris and Tuvok were sitting on the porch in their chairs, as was usual. They waved their hellos. "Good evening Captain," Tuvok said roughly, smothering a cough. "I hope that you two were not out in that storm?" "We found a place to stay," Kathryn said. "I told you so," Paris snickered. Tuvok looked at her. "You still can't have my desert, old woman," he said, motioning to the covered dish near his chair. "Old woman? Old woman!" Paris sounded hurt. "You take that back, Tuvok." "What will you do if I don't? Eat my pie?" "I'll break your nose!" "Pie?" Seven broke up their squabble. "Did we miss something?" "Yeah, dinner was early tonight," Paris said. She looked at Tuvok. "There was pie for dessert." "Even holographic pie sounds good to me right now," Kathryn smiled. "Come on, Seven." "You're not going to leave me out here with him, are you?" B'Elanna Paris cried out in annoyance. "We'll bring you out another piece of pie," Seven said. "No need too, I'm going to eat Tuvok's." "No you aren't!" the Vulcan looked at her with distaste. "It's my pie." "So you're going to let get cold?" "Yes." Kathryn and Seven went inside at the sound of B'Elanna's sigh. They found a dish on the warming rack in the kitchen. Lt. Marris, who was in charge of feeding Voyager's elderly crewmembers, looked up from the dishes she was doing in the sink. "It's about time," Marris quipped. "We were getting worried about you. You missed dinner." "B'Elanna said as much," Kathryn sighed as she set her dish on the table. She pulled her sandals off, checking her foot. The bleeding had stopped. "Lt. Marris, there wouldn't happen to be a holographic dermal regenerator somewhere in here, would there?" "I'm sure there's one in the program," Marris said. "I'll have someone get it for you." "That's alright, I'll get it myself," Kathryn smiled. She saw Paris looking in down the hall from the porch. Kathryn nodded. "Is it alright if we eat on the porch?" "Sure," Marris said, not looking up from her work. Kathryn motioned to Seven pick up an extra desert plate, and they went out to the porch. About an hour later, Kathryn studied her toes as they just barely emerged from the suds in the bathtub. Seven was sitting on the floor, wearing a robe and filing her nails. The light coming through the windows had continued to dwindle, and so the overhead light was on. Kathryn hummed along with the music that was playing softly from the old fashioned radio that was on the counter. Seven blew on her nails. "How's your foot?" she asked, looking at her nails. "Fine now," Kathryn said. She shifted in the tub, sending water splashing over the side. She rapped her knuckles on the ceramic side of the tub. The curtains stirred as a breeze found its way through the slightly parted windows. "What do you want to do tomorrow?" "How about sleep in?" Kathryn chuckled. "Didn't you get enough sleep today?" "You can never get too much sleep," Seven said softly. Kathryn smiled, her eyes sliding shut as she submerged under the surface of the water. She surfaced a minute later in a flurry of bubbles. Kathryn ran a hand through her wet and tangled hair. "How about we go swimming tomorrow?" she suggested. Seven looked up at her with a slight frown. "I never learned how to swim." Kathryn laughed. "It's alright. You don't have to know how to swim to go swimming." "That makes no sense." "Few things do," Kathryn smiled again. "Unless you have a tendency to sink... then you should have no trouble swimming." "I'll consider it," Seven said. She looked back down at her toes. Kathryn sunk back under the water again. She surfaced suddenly as the commline in the room chirped. "Ow, shit!" Kathryn cursed as she hit her head on the bathroom wall. "Lt. Chakotay to Captain Janeway," Amanda Chakotay's voice came over the commline. "Which one?" Kathryn said sourly, rubbing the side of her head. "The hologram," Chakotay said with a chuckle. "We're sending an away team down to a planet, and were wondering if you'd like to come along." "Come along? Why me?" "Well... we'd thought you might like a trip off the ship." "Thanks but..." Kathryn was about to decline, when she looked down at Seven. "Why don't you take Seven along instead?" "Would she like to go?" Kathryn looked at Seven, who nodded slowly. "Sure she would." "Alright, I know its late, but it's morning down at the beam site. We won't be too long." "I don't mind," Kathryn chuckled. "Have Seven be in transporter room two in about ten minutes." "She'll be there." --- Amanda Chakotay had a defiant swagger to her step as she led the away team. She was something of a late bloomer, like the captain's mother still on the ship had been. She was 44 and four month's pregnant, on her third child. Those facts, however, were certainly not slowing her down today. The away team wove its way through a series of hills and valleys, having a bit of difficulty keeping up with their leader. The only person who was still breathing normally was Seven, but that of course was only because she wasn't breathing at all. The hologram's blue eyes darted around, taking in the scenery. An inflamed red sun was slowly making its way across the hazy blue sky. The area was fairly devoid of plant life, but it was still pleasant. "Lt. Chakotay!" Torres Paris called from near the back of the group. Chakotay made no show that she had heard the young Paris's call. "Amanda!" Chakotay paused. "What?" "Would you mind slowing the pace down some? We're not long distance runners like you." "Oh, sorry," Amanda said. "I hadn't realized that I was going so fast." "Where are we anyway?" an ensign in front of Paris asked. Chakotay shaded her eyes, glancing down the side of the hill they were on. "From the sound of it, we're getting closer to the ocean," she said, turning in a slow circle. Wordlessly, Chakotay started off again. Her pace was slower than before, but Torres could still be heard muttering occasionally. They stopped upon reaching the crest of the next hill. The wind was stronger there than it had been anywhere else so far. Seven pointed out into the distance. "I can see water," she announced. "Where?" Chakotay turned. "Right th-" Seven's words were cut off by a sudden groan from below them. Near the valley bottom the ground was pulling away and tearing the side of the hill with it. Paris screamed shrilly as the moving ground sucked her feet and began to pull her down. There was a moment of panic as the mass of dirt rushed away from them. It dragged every member of the away team to their knees-even Seven, who was knocked over by Amanda Chakotay. The landslide seemed to continue forever, but eventually the violent shaking and roaring of dirt stopped. The finer dust hovered in the air for a moment before slowly settling down as well. Halfway down the slop of the hill, there was a suddenly movement. Torres Paris rolled over, coughing loudly. The side of her uniform was torn to ribbons, and her palms and right cheek were scratched. She seemed otherwise fine. Two other team members moved, and Paris pushed herself to her feet. She stumbled over to the two ensigns. "Are you alright?" she shouted. "We're fine," the ensign from before said. They too were scratched up. "My ankle hurts, but I think I can walk." "What?" Paris blinked at him. "I can't hear you." The ensign tapped the side of his head. Paris swallowed. "My ears are ringing," Paris said loudly. "Shh," the other ensign quieted her. "Where's Lt. Chakotay and Seven?" Paris continued. The ensigns shrugged. There was a moment of silence before Paris continued in a softer voice. "You haven't seen them?" "No." Paris swallowed. "Well, let's get looking." The top of the hill was vacant, and so they started their way down carefully. A line of black beckoned from the valley floor. And nearby there was the glint of steel. "Amanda! Seven!" Paris reached bottom first. Chakotay was laying on her back, eyes open blankly at the red circle in the sky above. There was blood on her face. Not even three feet away was Seven. The hologram seemed to be unconscious, and the appearance on her legs was unsteady. The appendages flickered in and out of existence. "Who has the med kit?" Paris called out. "I do," the second ensign said, already unsnapping the belt from around his waist. He handed it to Paris. She opened it, taking out the tricorder. Paris pulled Amanda's eyes shut during the scans. Her lips pulled together tightly. "What is it?" the first ensign asked. "There's damage to her spinal column," Paris answered roughly. "I'm also reading internal bruising beginning to form." She closed the tricorder slowly, paling with its click. "She'll live if we can get her back to Voyager without moving her too much. But... I don't think the baby is going to live." "What?" The second ensign looked at Paris sharply. The first crouched next to Seven and tried to stabilize her projectors. "The power unit is damaged," he said. "She'll need to get back to Voyager within ten minutes." Paris nodded. She tapped her commbadge. "Paris to Transporter room two. We need to be beamed to Sickbay immediately." "You picked a bad time," the person at the transporter sighed. "The systems were just taken offline. It'll be at least ten minutes." "We don't have ten minutes," Paris frowned. "I'm sorry." "Sorry is going to have three people dead, sir." "I'll have the work canceled. Can you hold on for five minutes." "I think so." "We'll beam you up as soon as possible. Standby." "Confirmed." Paris turned and looked down at Chakotay and Seven again. "Shit, what's the Captain going to say about this?" The frown on her face deepened. She looked in the med kit again. "What are you looking for?" the second ensign asked. "A scalpel and a suture," Paris said. "What?" "I don't think that baby is going to last five minutes. You need to get access to the projection systems of the holoemitter again." "Yes, sir." "If I remember correctly, the projector has the capability to keep something alive for up to an hour if necessary." "What do you plan on doing?" Paris hunched next to Chakotay and pulled back her uniform top. "We're going to put the baby in Seven." "What?" Now it was the ensigns' turn to be confused. "Quit asking questions and do what I tell you to." Paris clicked the scalpel into the on position. --- "Do you miss Max?" Kathryn Janeway asked her daughter. They were sitting on the porch of the holographic farmhouse. Marija sighed. "Yes, I still do. I know it still bothers Aaron sometimes too." She leaned against one of the railings. "His 18th birthday would have been last month. So yeah, it still hurts." "Do you wish he had stayed?" "In a way I do, but in another way I don't. You know what I mean?" Kathryn nodded. "I wish that he could have gotten Kerisha to come with us, or been able to leave her behind. But he couldn't. And Kerisha couldn't leave her planet. So... we had to give them our blessing." "You didn't have to do anything." Marija looked at her mother. "I did. It would have killed him to leave her." She sighed again. "I just hope that they're still happy together." "I'm sure they are," Kathryn said quietly. For a moment Marija stared broodingly out into the night sky. She chewed on her lip. "What is it?" "When we let Max go, it bothered me more at first than I thought it would. I felt like... like he was dying, when that transporter beam took him. It hurt inside. I felt like I was twelve years old all over again." "Oh," Kathryn breathed heavily. "I'm sorry dear." "It's not your fault, you couldn't help it." Marija blinked, wiping at her eyes. "I know you didn't die on purpose... and I can imagine how Moma must have felt with you gone. I'm sure I would be just as distraught if Aaron died." Kathryn rested a hand on her daughter's back, and the other woman's shoulders jerked with a sob. "I can barely remember what you were like... and having you back is so strange. I remember Moma better, because I was older when she.. died. But all I could ever really remember from you I had to re-learn, from pictures and stories and logs. It isn't the same." "But you're still alive. You still have your life." "I know. And when we brought you two back... I guess for me it was like having a second chance to grow up. Even though it was too late for that." Kathryn's own eyes were misting now with the heaviness of memory. "I wish more than anything else that I had gotten the chance to see you grow up. To see the whole ship grow and change. I missed out on something that can't be brought back. To me you'll always be five years old. To see you all grown up and looking like me... it's eerie." "It's like wondering where you leave off and where you begin," Marija said, swallowing. "There's what's in memory, and what's here now. So little of the people on board now remember you. I guess its just not fair for you, is it? You never got the proper chance to say good-bye to anyone." "No, I guess it isn't fair." Kathryn closed her eyes, thinking. They were silent for several minutes. The only sounds came from within the house, and from the chirping of crickets and the rustling of the wind in the fields. "Well, I guess you should be getting to bed?" "I guess." Marija smiled softly. "I should check and see if Jason went to bed." "He's twenty years old and you're still mothering him?" Kathryn said with a laughed. They helped each other to their feet. "I can't help it," Marija smiled again. "I do it almost every night. To make sure that he's still there..." "I understand." "Goodnight, Mama." "Goodnight, Marija." With a faint nod Marija went down the steps and down the trail into the darkness. There was a brief flash of exterior light as the holodeck doors opened and shut. Kathryn sighed and went inside the farmhouse. It was dark and quiet there, except for the faint snoring of a few of the ship's elderly. Kathryn passed Alex Chakotay's door, which was cracked open. She peered inside, catching a brief glimpse of the elderly woman. The moonlight sparkled over her greying hair. Kathryn sighed. She wondered what Chakotay had been like in his later years. Probably just as much a gentlemen as he'd been when she'd last seen him. A sad smile crept to her lips as she turned and continued down the hall. Things were just too different sometimes. Voyager's Captain walked down the empty halls after leaving the holodeck. Her footsteps were absorbed by the carpeting on the floors. She supposed then that the thudding she kept hearing was the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. Janeway swallowed. It had been two months but she was still finding this all difficult to get used to. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway." She tapped her commbadge. "Yes?" "The away team just returned." "What? Is there something wrong?" Lt. Ashton's voice was tight. "I think you should come here." "I'm on my way." Janeway made her was as quickly as she could down to Sickbay. When the doors there parted to admit her, she saw something that she could have never imagined or dare have wanted to. "Oh my god..." The nurse managed to catch Janeway as she fainted. "I think she's waking up." The Doctor nodded. "That's good. Just watch her and try to keep her still." "Yes, sir." Lt. Ashton held a tricorder over the still form of Amanda Chakotay. She was wincing slightly. "Ms. Chakotay, can you hear me?" She got a faint groan in response. "She's coming around, Doc." "Alright." Captain Janeway stood in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe. She looked tired. Lt. Ashton and the Doctor had explained to Janeway what had happened as best they could. But from the look on the Captain's face, she was having a hard time believing it. Her gaze shifted from one biobed to a second, and then back. Horror and disbelief were waging their own private war in her eyes. There was a pause, and then a sudden shriek of pain. "Ah! My back!" Chakotay's eyes flew open and her features curled in pain. "Shh, hold still," Lt. Ashton pressed down on her shoulder. Chakotay looked around in confusion. "Why am I in Sickbay? What happened?" "Don't worry, the rest of the away team is doing fine. You, on the other hand, need to remain still before you hurt yourself further." The Doctor held up a hypospray and tapped it like a needle. "This will help with the pain." "But.. what happened? Why can't I feel my legs?" The Doctor frowned. "You can't feel your legs?" "No! My back hurts, but I can't... I can't feel my legs! What happened?" "Lieutenant, calm down," the Doctor said firmly. Chakotay sucked in a lung-full of air. "Now, what do you remember about the away team's mission?" Ashton spoke soothingly. Chakotay's cringed. "We were on the planet.. and we were on the crest of a hill looking for water... and the ground began to shake.." she frowned. "And we fell... But I don't remember anything else." "That's what I thought," Ashton said. "Now let me fill you in on what happened. Will that be alright?" Chakotay nodded. "Okay. When you fell you slid down the hill. There was damage to your spinal cord, and you had internal bruising. The damage was pretty bad, and they had to remove..." Ashton's voice caught in her throat at the look on Chakotay's face. "My baby? What happened to it?" "Shh, calm down. It's fine for right now. But you won't be able to carry it any more." "Why?" Chakotay looked up at Ashton unhappily. "Because your body has been damaged too badly to let you continue the pregnancy." Chakotay bit her lip. "So what's going to happen?" "Well right now your child is inside of Seven." "Seven? But she's just.." "I know," Ashton nodded. "But we're using her as sort of.. as sort of an incubator." "An incubator," Chakotay echoed dully. "Yes. Do you understand?" "I think so..." She looked thoughtful for a minute. "So we're all going to be okay?" "For now. I can't promise that everything will be perfect, but the Doctor and I are fairly certain that you'll both live." "Alright..." The Doctor appeared at their side. "Now Amanda, I'm going to give you a sedative to help you rest. Okay?" Amanda Chakotay nodded weakly. "Okay." The Doctor pressed another hypospray against Chakotay's neck. After a minute or two, she was asleep. "I hate having to soft peddle things like that," Ashton frowned. "We all do," the Doctor said. He turned to Janeway, at the door. "So it's true," Marija Janeway said dully. "I'm afraid so." "What will happen to Seven?" "Right now we can't risk waking her up. She have to remain 'unconscious' for at least two months." Marija looked at Seven, who was lying on a biobed in the back. She had been reduced to a holographic torso with a few tubes running in and out. It was a strange sight. "And when the baby can be moved to another incubator... she'll be returned... to normal?" "Yes, of course." "Good." Marija swallowed. "Do you really think this is going to work?" "I think it will. Though I'm sure that Lt. Chakotay will be able to walk... I'm not sure about her spinal injuries yet. She could be paralyzed." "I see," Marija said, nodding briefly. "What about my mother? What are we going to tell her?" "I... don't know," the Doctor admitted. --- It was nearly dawn on the holodeck. Kathryn Janeway found herself on the porch for the second time during the past day. She was waiting for Seven to come home. Kathryn had called on the Bridge once in the middle of the night, but they told her that the away team still wasn't back. So she was waiting here on the porch. B'Elanna Paris sat on her chair, staring out at the lightening sky. It had occurred to her, after only a few days of living here, that the sun seemed to rise and set on the same side of the sky. You had to sit and watch the sun all day though to really notice it. "I would have never thought that you woke up before Tuvok," Kathryn said to Paris. "Hmm? What?" B'Elanna Paris jerked awake from her slight doze. "What's this about waking up before Tuvok?" "I was mistaken," Kathryn smiled. "Ah. Tuvok's been up for at least two hours. Look at me, I'm just out here dozing like an old bird." "You're not that old.” "And neither are you," Paris laughed. "How do you know that Tuvok's already awake?" "Well, at about four in the morning, every morning he pounds on my bedroom wall. Wakes me up every time. Scares the dickens out of me too." Paris smiled. "You'd think I'd catch on after a time. But I don't." "Maybe you like the pattern," Kathryn suggested. Paris chuckled. "That may be it. A little reassurance that we're both still alive." "Do you care about Tuvok?" she asked curiously. "Well..." Paris looked thoughtful. "I suppose I do. He's one of the only friends I have left. My *family* isn't exactly much company, now is it?" "I guess not." Kathryn rested her chin on her knees. "They just come in here with their problems. And to meddle with the program." "Oh, they care about you B'Elanna," Kathryn smiled. "You know they do." "Of course they do. They'll feel horrible when I keel over and die and they haven't paid me enough attention." "You know you'll last longer than the whole of them." "You will too, huh?" Paris laughed to herself. "Though I think Tuvok will still be around when Voyager is home rotting in the scrap yards." "Probably. In fact he'll probably be the security chief for the scrap yards just to keep sure that Voyager is safe." Paris laughed again. "I can see that happening." "See what happening?" Tuvok had made his way to his chair somehow without them noticing. "Oh, just you rotting in a scrap yard somewhere," Paris said earnestly. Tuvok made a face. "I'm glad you still think so highly of me." "I've never thought highly of you, Tuvok." "I know that." "I'm sure you do." Kathryn cleared her throat. "Seven's coming." "Oh, is she now? Where?" "Up the path," Kathryn said, pushing herself to her feet. "I'll see you two old cranks later." "See you too," Paris said distractedly. Kathryn met Seven halfway on the path to the porch. "So how was the trip?" "The trip?" Seven blinked at Kathryn slowly. "The away team mission down to the planet." "Oh. It was fine," Seven smiled. Kathryn nodded. "You hungry?" "Somewhat." "That's good. Lt. Marris made her special this morning." "Did she?" "Yep. Even got real replicated blueberries this time instead of that power crap they keep trying to feed us." "Holographic food lacks something." "Just the flavor, texture, and smell of real food," Kathryn laughed. "Yes." Seven nodded carefully. "Seven, are you alright?" "I'm fine, just tired." "I shouldn't have had them drag you out there all night," Kathryn smiled. "That is alright. It was an interesting experience." There was something reserved in Seven's voice that made Kathryn wonder. "You're sure you're alright?" "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" "I dunno," Kathryn shrugged. They went up the steps onto the porch, where Tuvok and Paris were already engaged in their morning squabble. They passed them and went into the kitchen. "So what did you see on the planet?" Kathryn asked as she took her plate of pancakes from the counter. Seven slowly followed suit. "The ocean," she said quietly. "Oh, that sounds nice," Kathryn smiled. "What all did you guys do down there? You were gone for an awfully long time." There was a discernable pause. Seven seemed to freeze in mid-breath, her eyes unblinking. She shifted in her seat, and swallowed. "We beamed down, and walked through the hills. There wasn't much plant life... but it was still interesting. Then we went down to the beach. There were some... interesting life-forms on the planet that we stayed to watch." "Sounds like fun," Kathryn said. She still felt that Seven was holding something back. She cleared her throat. "I thought it might be fun to go horseback riding this afternoon. I found a program subroutine that goes with the stables for a lovely chocolate mare." "You can go if you'd like," Seven said. "But I thought I'd take a nap." "Well you'd be up by then, wouldn't you?" "I suppose." "So would you like to go?" Kathryn took a sip from her orange juice. Seven stared at her fork. "I'll see how I feel after I wake up," she said stiffly. Kathryn frowned. Her face blanched, and she looked as if she'd been slapped. "Alright." --- The day passed slowly. Or it did at least for Kathryn. She spent most of the day sitting silently on the porch. B'Elanna and Alex had gone somewhere else on the holodeck, and Tuvok spent most of his time in meditation. Seven had retreated into their room. The horse subroutine remained silent. Kathryn eventually fell asleep in the warm afternoon sun. She was awakened from her dozing by a soft hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" Seven asked. Kathryn sat up. "I would've asked the same of you." "What do you mean?" "You've just been distant since you got back," she said. "I guess I was just more tired than I'd thought," Seven said, sitting on the top step. "You're not mad at me, are you?" "No, why would I be mad?" "I don't know, I just thought you might be." "Well I'm not. No reason to be." Kathryn tapped her foot in distraction. "Stop that," Seven said harshly. Kathryn blinked. "Stop what?" "Tapping your foot." Kathryn stopped her foot. "You're awfully high strung tonight. Are you sure nothing is wrong?" "Why do you keep asking me that?" Seven frowned at her. "You seem paranoid to me." Seven pushed herself to her feet, and went down the steps quickly. "Seven!" Kathryn called out in protest. "Come back! What's wrong with you? What happened on that planet that's bothering you so much?" But Seven never turned back, she just stalked off over the hill and disappeared into the evening. Kathryn balled her fists and cried out in frustration. She didn't know what had happened, but she wasn't sure she wanted to either if it was bothering Seven so much. This went on in similar fashion for almost a month. Seven would be distant, Kathryn would worry and it wouldn't do any good. She would sit alone most of the time, slipping into a quiet depression. Seven disappeared for long periods of time, and then would come back without excusing herself. In a poor attempt to forget, Kathryn would meditate with Tuvok on the porch. But mediation would bring disturbing images to her mind. Strange memories, and other things with it. Little mental subroutines clashing through her program. The first one had been the worst by far. She was sitting on the bridge. Looking around she realized that she recognized everyone who was present. Chakotay to her left, Tom Paris in front. Nothing seemed unusual. Then Chakotay turned to her. He blinked, and spoke in an echoing voice. "Captain, are you alright?" The words echoed and reverberated through her mind. They spread and covered everything. In fact, they became a visible thing, glowing hot and red. It reached forward and covered her hands. She yelped in surprise and pain. Looking down, She found herself covered in blood. Her whole uniform was stained in it, and charred beyond recognition in other places. The meditation had ended there. For some reason her mind kept coming back to a spot like this. She could only best identify it as when she had died. But then why was it the way it was? Kathryn wasn't sure. She trusted Tuvok though, and he told her that it would help ease her mind of her worries about Seven. Today Kathryn again sat on the porch, legs folded carefully. Her hair was carefully pushed back behind her ears. She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Tuvok's voice. Kathryn swallowed hard. She was vaguely worried as to the nature that today's meditation would have. She was again sitting on the Bridge. It was empty, and she was laying on the floor. The surface below her was unusually warm. She sat up, looking around. The floor seemed to roll away from her like lava. Kathryn slowly got to her feet and looked around again. "Hello, Captain." The voice was soft, and she turned quickly. "Seven!" Kathryn smiled. "Captain." "Seven, is something wrong?" she asked, frowning. The other woman ran a finger over her nose slowly, and then shook her head. "Nothing is wrong." "Then come stand with me." Seven paused. "I... can't." "What? Why not?" "I just can't," Seven said firmly. She turned and strode off the Bridge. "Seven!" Kathryn cried. "Wait! Come back!" "Back?" Seven's voice sounded from behind her. Kathryn whirled. "I've never left." "Oh," she sighed with relief. "Then who was that?" Kathryn pointed absently at the exit. "I didn't see anyone." Seven looked at her keenly. "Are you alright, Kathryn?" "Yes, I think so." Kathryn smiled. "I was just worried about you, to be honest." "There is no reason to worry, I'm here." "That's good to hear," she smiled, and reached out a hand to touch her arm. "Oh!" At Kathryn's gentle touch, the surface of Seven's skin seemed to shatter. A scream tore itself from Kathryn's lips. She felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. "Captain. Captain!" Kathryn's eyes flew open. She looked around, breathing heavily. Tuvok peered down at her, his expression concerned. "Are you alright? You screamed." "I.... I think I'm okay," Kathryn nodded. "You do not look okay," he said softly. She swallowed, looking away from him. "Perhaps you should lay down for awhile." "That sounds like a good idea," she agreed quietly. Kathryn pushed herself to her feet. Tuvok still looked concerned. "Really, I'm okay Tuvok." He pursed his lips and looked at her thoughtfully. "Captain, I have noticed that for the past few weeks your behavior has been unusual." "How's that?" she leaned on the doorframe. "Ever since Seven returned from the planet, you have been abnormally distant to her." "I hadn't realized," Kathryn lied. There was a long pause. She wasn't sure if he had completed his statement, so she added, "I wish you wouldn't call me 'Captain'." Tuvok seemed to accept the change of subject. "What would you prefer me to call you." "'Kathryn' would be a bit more to my liking." "As you wish." Kathryn opened the front door slowly, and Tuvok returned to his chair. He spoke up as she began to go inside. "Kathryn." She didn't respond immediately. "Yes?" "Pleasant dreams." Something neither smile nor frown crossed over her face. "I will." After Kathryn had disappeared into the farm house, someone else entered the scene. B'Elanna Paris stomped her way up the steps, mutter to herself. "That's it! No more of that!" Paris muttered. "What is wrong with you now?" Tuvok looked at her curiously. Even now, at such an advanced age, there were still things that the Vulcan didn't understand about B'Elanna's personality. "Jeremy and Torres!" Paris snorted, and sat heavily in her chair. "What did they do?" "Well he was getting on to her about something... I don't even remember what now. What it is isn't too important. But I didn't feel that he should have been yelling at her like that. She isn't a child anymore." "Indeed," Tuvok nodded. Paris caught her breath and continued. "So I gave him a piece of my mind, that's what I did." "Will I assume that he'll be coming in here for a second wind later?" Tuvok titled his head at B'Elanna. She snorted, but didn't reply. "B'Elanna?" She didn't move, didn't even acknowledge him. Tuvok slowly rose from his chair and moved to her side. She had sunk somewhat into the chair, her hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair. "B'Elanna, are you alright?" "I..." her mouth dropped open slightly, and she squinted. Then her eyes closed and she exhaled heavily. Tuvok wasted no time. "Computer, emergency beam-out of B'Elanna Paris to sickbay." Kathryn Janeway woke up several hours later. She had to admit that Tuvok had been right. The nap had helped. She sat on the foot of the bed. "Maybe I'll talk with Seven," Kathryn said to herself. "It can't hurt things any worse." Kathryn got up and pulled open the closet. She changed clothes, tossing the old ones into a clothes bin where they promptly disappeared and reappeared in the closet. It was a nice thing, not having to do laundry. Kathryn slipped her sandals on and padded down the hall. It seemed unusually quiet. She pulled the front door open, and went out onto the porch. Tuvok was sitting there alone, staring out quietly at the dirt path. "Where's your porch buddy?" Kathryn asked with a smile. "She's dead," Tuvok replied evenly. He never averted his gaze. Kathryn's mouth dropped open. "What?" "She died a few hours ago. The Doctor attributes it to heart failure." "Heart failure?" her voice was a soft echo. "She had been arguing with her son just before it happened. That may have precipitated the event's occurrence." Kathryn sat next to him. "I'm so sorry." He glanced at her. "Why do you have any reason to feel sorry for me?" "Well I know you two were friends." "We are still friends, Kathryn," Tuvok replied softly. Kathryn looked at him, biting her lip. "But... she isn't here anymore." "She will always be here, even if we can not see her. Just like you and Seven, part of her spirit will always remain with Voyager." There was a faint tremor in the Vulcan's facade. Part of it was due to age, but there was something else. He really did care, and they both knew it. "I understand what you're saying. But won't you miss her?" Tuvok squinted out into the distance, and then looked at Kathryn. "I suppose I will." "You know you will Tuvok. She's been the only real friend that you've had for a long time." "You are not helping the issue," Tuvok said levelly. He seemed a bit defensive. Kathryn swallowed. "I know, I'm sorry," she said softly. "I hope that her spirit is resting peacefully with Mr. Paris's," was his final comment on the subject. Kathryn patted the old man's hand, and then got to her feet. "Have you seen Seven?" Tuvok shook his head, "no." "Alright. I'm going for a walk." Tuvok nodded slightly, but didn't comment. Kathryn started to walk to the hills, but paused near the crest. She turned, looking briefly at Tuvok sitting on the porch. The look on his face was sad, even though he would never admit it. There had been an odd connection between he and B'Elanna, spawned by their strange isolation on the porch of the holodeck. He wouldn't be the same after this. Kathryn wondered how her own death had struck him. She bit her lip and started back down the hill. Kathryn followed the path to the exit of the holodeck. She had her respects to pay. Kathryn went down the hall, her sandals slapping lightly on her heels. The lighting was dimmed, even though it was too early for it to be. She supposed it might be because of Paris's death. B'Elanna Paris was a grandmother, and even in her old age was still a respected member of the crew. Her engineering expertise had gotten the ship through countless scrapes and disasters. She would, even though rarely communicated with by much of the crew, be sorely missed. She stopped at the doors to Sickbay. The eerie silence of a morgue prevailed here, and it made Kathryn slightly nervous. But she stepped forward, triggering the doors to open. The Doctor was standing at his workstation, and looked up when she came in. His expression was, put mildly, a mixture of surprise and annoyance. "Ah, hello Captain," he said. "I take it you heard about B'Elanna..." "Unfortunately I did," she agreed. The Doctor pointed at the bed nearest to her, that was covered with a Sickbay blanket. "She's being held here until further preparations are made," he said. Kathryn slowly walked over to the bed. She was reluctant to pull the blanket back for a short look. The Doctor did it for her. Kathryn swallowed. B'Elanna Paris's face was calmer than Kathryn could remember ever seeing it in life. She looked peaceful. A strange sensation filled Kathryn as she looked down at her. "Tell me what happened," Kathryn said in a hoarse voice. "She was beamed here, already in a failing state. Tuvok said that she had seemed a bit riled on the holodeck, and then fell silent. When he inquired upon it she didn't respond, and then she seemed to have a flash of pain. He had her beamed here, but it was too late. She died only a few minutes later." "Tuvok said it was something about her heart?" "Yes," the Doctor nodded, and slowly returned the blanket to its resting place. "She may have suffered from a mild heart attack, but I can't conclude upon that definitely. Her heart just... gave up on her." "I understand," Kathryn said softly. "Thank you for letting me know, Doctor." He nodded again. Kathryn turned to leave, but then paused. "What's that?" She pointed to a collection of wires and tubes that lay on a bed in the far back of Sickbay. "An experiment, nothing worth seeing," the Doctor said. He moved in front of her slightly. Kathryn's scientific curiosity kicked in, and she stepped forward to get a better look. The Doctor grabbed her arm and shook his head. "What? Why won't you let me see whatever it is you're doing?" "Because it isn't for you to see." Kathryn frowned, and leaned slightly to look around him. She got another glimpse. It was a jumble of wires and tubes and little monitors, all focused around a central point. The whole mess was faintly rounded, and once a minute a small chime could be heard. It was partly covered by a cloth. And resting on the top of the whole collaboration was a small flat device. Kathryn recognized it immediately. It was a holographic projector. "What..." Kathryn frowned again and pushed the Doctor's hand away. He tried to hold her back. "No Captain, you-" "What the hell is going on?" Kathryn's voice cracked as she stepped closer. The Doctor made another small noise of protestation. But she pressed forward until she was leaning over the bed. The image that met her eyes was distorted, but somehow it was still recognizable. Kathryn gasped, choking on her own shrill scream. She rapidly backed away from the bed, her eyes still locked on the motionless form in front of her. "Noooo..." Kathryn moaned, shaking her head hard. The Doctor moved again, but Kathryn pushed him aside and turned. With something like a distraught hiss escaping from her mouth Kathryn bolted from Sickbay. As the doors slid shut behind her rapid departure, the Doctor sighed. --- Four days passed, and nothing was seen from Kathryn or Seven. After leaving Sickbay in a blind tangle of emotions, the holographic woman bolted back to the holodeck. She had stomped up to Seven, who, oddly enough, was sitting alone on the porch. Even Tuvok wasn't there. Just Seven, sitting like a ghost. And in Kathryn's mind, she was. "You," Kathryn said coldly. Seven had blinked and her and smiled. "What's wrong? You look upset." Kathryn had inched closer, moving almost in slow motion. Her hands were clenched into tight fists. Her breathing, though not real, was heavy. "You aren't real," Kathryn's voice was steely. "What do you mean? Of course I am?" Seven's smiled had turned sheepish. "You aren't real, you aren't real... none of this is real is it?" Kathryn glared down at Seven, who looked confused. Kathryn's hand darted out and grabbed Seven's shoulder. "Ow! Kathryn that hurts." "You know it doesn't hurt." "Yes, it does," Seven had protested, wincing. "Don't lie to me!" Kathryn had sounded desperate as she shook Seven roughly. The younger woman cried out in protest. "You can't lie to me." Her other hand had reached over Seven's shoulder and tapped the holographic emitter. Seven disappeared, and the emitter fell into Kathryn's hand. She squeezed it tightly, tears stinging her eyes. Then she had tossed it down. The emitter bounced oddly on the dirt, and then slid away out of sight. Kathryn had fled inside the farmhouse, and locked the door to her room behind her. --- That had been four days ago. The emitter still remained where it had been, ignored by the passerby and farm cats. Kathryn had grown unusually silently in her room. Tuvok had come to the door, calling her name softly, but she hadn't replied. He gave up after the third try. Other than that, no one had approached the door. Kathryn hadn't came out for any reason either. Marija Janeway had been informed about the situation, but seemed uneasy about confronting her mother. "She'll be alright, just give her time," she had said. Amanda Chakotay felt horrible about the whole situation. She felt that it was her fault that the incident had even happened. The Doctor had to give her a sedative at first to calm her down. Mixed within these problems had be the preparations for B'Elanna Paris's memorial service. Jeremy Paris had went to the Captain telling her that he wished that Kathryn would attend. Marija had just shaken her head, telling him that there was nothing that she could do to help. Even though that wasn't quite true. The memorial service would be in two days, at the end of the proper waiting period that had been requested by the Paris family. Alex Chakotay stood outside the door and paused. She listened hard, as her hearing wasn't as good as it had once been. Alex sighed and leaned back. She brushed a lock of silver hair out of her eyes and bit her lip. She raised a hand and knocked solidly on the door. There was, as she had expected, no response. It couldn't hurt to try, she thought idly, and knocked on the door again. She wondered how long it would take... "Quit knocking on the damn door!" a voice shouted from inside. Alex smiled. "You can't keep the world out forever." "Watch me," the voice shouted back. Alex shook her head. "Well if you won't let the whole world in, how about me." There was a grumble of a reply that the old woman couldn't understand. "What was that?" "The door isn't locked," Kathryn repeated. Alex smiled. She turned the knob slowly and stepped inside. Being mindful she shut the door behind her again. Kathryn Janeway was laying face down on the bed. Alex sat gingerly on the foot of the bed. Kathryn didn't move. "Now, tell me what's wrong." "You wouldn't understand." "Kathryn, don't try that with me. Just tell me what's wrong." Kathryn's head rolled to the side, exposing the tired features of her face. She didn't look directly at Alex, but it was a start. There was a wild, anxious look buried underneath the ache in her expression. "None of this is real," she said softly. "What do you mean?" Kathryn blinked. "None of this is real. I'm not real, Seven isn't real. Nothing here is real. We're dead. Dead. We aren't real... this is just something made up. None of this is really happening." Alex frowned slightly. "I'm afraid I don't understand." "No one does," Kathryn sighed. "But I saw... I saw the truth." "And what was the truth?" "I saw Seven. But she wasn't real. She couldn't have been real. But I saw her lying there... exposed like that." "What? What are you talking about?" "In Sickbay." "Why would she be in Sickbay." "I don't know. But she was and then she was here... and that isn't right. She can't be in both places at once. So she isn't real at all..." "If that's so, why would you see her at all?" "Because I'm going crazy." "But I thought that you weren't real." "I..."she paused, and looked at Alex. "I don't feel real." Alex sighed, and looked around the room thoughtfully. "Who decorated this room?" "I did." "But you couldn't have, you're not real." "Neither is the room." "But someone had to program it." Kathryn shrugged. "Kathryn, you're as real as anyone I know. Realer in fact. You're not just some program. You know it and I know it." "But I don't feel real," Kathryn protested. "I don't see how that's possible." "I feel hollow. I feel like the trick of light that I am." "You're more than just a trick of light." "But there's nothing to it anymore. There's never been anything to it. There was more life in the burned shell of me than there is in this image." Kathryn waved a hand briefly. Alex pursed her lips. "You're the same person to me. You're the same person that Chakotay loved, that your daughter loves, that Seven loves. You are still Kathryn Janeway, and nothing will change that. Not even death." "But what about everyone else?" "What about them?" "I'm not the same to them. Half of them never even met me." "Then there's no more reason that you shouldn't be Kathryn Janeway to them." Kathryn sighed deeply, and rolled onto her back. She stared up at the ceiling. "Nothing has felt the same ever since... well you know." "Since you were reborn." "Yeah." "Well I can understand that," Alex said. "After all, a lot of things have changed." "But to me it doesn't feel like this is right. If I died, then I should have remained that way. I don't know what happened while I was dead. I have no memories of that. I can only remember what happened before. I could probably tell you exactly everything I did the day I died, because to me that only happened a few months ago." "While it happened almost forty years ago for the rest of us." "Yes." "So you want to be deactivated." Kathryn sat up suddenly, surprising Alex. "That's just it. I don't know if that's right. I died, and then I was brought back. I can remember what happened after waking up here for the first time... and I don't want it to end. Because if I was deactivated it would be like dying all over again. And I don't want to die..." The thought of B'Elanna came to her and she shook her head. "I don't want to die again. I don't remember dying the first time, and this would just be too much. But... lately all I've felt like is just a program. Going through a routine. Empty." "You aren't just a hologram. You're too complex for that. You're... you're conscious." "I know. I look around and I know. But something still doesn't feel right." "I can't promise you that it ever will, Kathryn," Alex said softly. "I guess I felt similarly after Chakotay died... I felt so alone that I didn't know how to go on. But then I realized that I was needed. That the children needed me. So I had to keep going." "Seven never could." "Seven needed you more than anyone could have realized. And even if we had there would have been nothing that we could have done." "I know." "Maybe that's it. Maybe you miss Seven somehow. You miss the way things were before you died." "That could be it. But Alex... you didn't see what I saw." "What did you see?" Alex looked at Kathryn curiously. "I believe I can tell you," a voice said. They both looked at the door. The Doctor was standing there. He held the abandoned emitter in his hand. Kathryn crossed her legs and looked at him uncertainly. He was, after all, just another hologram like her. Kathryn shook the thought from her mind. "Doctor, come in," Kathryn said. "Ah, so the captain speaks," the Doctor said, and took a seat on a chair near the bed. "I was getting worried about you." "Why?" "It isn't healthy for you to go so long without eating." He heard her protest coming. "Even if you are just a hologram. You're a living hologram, and living holograms need to take care of themselves." Kathryn didn't comment. "So Doctor, tell us what happened." "Well, we tried to keep it a secret," the Doctor glanced at Kathryn. "Alex, when was the last time your daughter came to visit?" "A little over a month ago," Alex said. "Isn't that a rather long time?" "Well I suppose... I hadn't really thought of it." "Your daughter is pregnant and you didn't think of it?" "Doctor, what's your point?" Alex glared at him. "My point is that your daughter hasn't come to visit because she didn't want you to know that she wasn't pregnant anymore." Alex sat up straighter. "What? What happened?" "Well, it started back a month ago. Amanda Chakotay led that away team mission to a planet, if you remember. Seven was a member of the team. During the mission there was an accident. Amanda was badly injured." "Oh! I wish I'd been told," Alex cried. "Is she alright?" "She's fine now." The Doctor looked down at the emitter. "Unfortunately, she was too badly injured to continue carrying her child. So the members of the away team transferred the fetus from Amanda's body to Seven's projected body. She was able to act like an incubator. They were beamed back to Voyager, but we were unable to return the fetus to Amanda's body." "So what happened to it?" Alex frowned. "It is still inside Seven." "What?!" Kathryn's head had been turned down towards the bed, but now it jerked up. "How so?" "We are using her program as an incubator until it can be moved to an actual incubator." "Oh." Kathryn's face fell. "Was that what.. what I saw?" "Yes. Her projection unit was slightly damaged in the accident, and so we were reluctant to use the unneeded parts of her physiology. It'll only be about three more weeks before we're able to do the transfer." "I see." Kathryn stared at him quietly. "I know that we should have told you, but we didn't want to upset you." "And so finding out this way didn't upset me." "I'm sorry, Captain." The Doctor cleared his throat. "So for you not to be able to tell, we created a holographic duplicate of Seven and sent her back to the holodeck." "I noticed from the start that something wasn't right with her," Kathryn nearly spoke to herself. "But I had no idea that it was anything like this." "I am truly sorry Captain." He looked a bit thoughtful. "I suppose that I am going to have a similar conversation with Seven when she is revived." "How long will that be?" Kathryn wondered. "No more than three weeks," the Doctor stood from his chair. Kathryn nodded slowly. "Alright. Thank you for telling me this Doctor. I just wish I had known from the start." "Well, I suppose I should be going," he said. "I hope this clears everything up?" "I think it does," Kathryn agreed. The Doctor smiled and exited the room. Alex sighed and shook her head. "I'll never understand why he does what he does," she said to Kathryn. The other woman smiled. "He didn't know it would end up like this." "I know that. Now.. Kathryn..." "Yes?" She turned to face Alex better. "B'Elanna's memorial service is the day after tomorrow." Kathryn smiled softly. "I'll be there Alex." "That's wonderful to hear," Alex smiled. Kathryn gave her a reassuring hug. "Why don't you come out and have something to eat? You must be starving." Kathryn smiled sheepishly. "I guess I am a bit hungry. Let me just clean up first. Okay?" "Alright. I'll have Marris whip something up for you." "Thank you Alex." --- It was dark out as a carriage pulled up to the farmhouse on the holodeck. The carriage was a hologram, and had carried its passengers the distance from the holodeck entrance to the porch. The door creaked open, and a woman stepped down out of the carriage. She helped two more women down. They in turn guided a man down to the ground. The carriage pulled away, and the group made its way up the steps. It was very dark out, the only illumination coming from the moon overhead and the lights that shone from inside the house. The two women went inside, leaving the first woman with the man. They stood on the porch quietly. Then she spoke. "It was a lovely service." "Yes," Tuvok agreed quietly. Kathryn shifted on her feet. "I wish Seven had been there to see it." "You can always tell her about it." "Mmm. Yes I suppose so." The was a long pause. Tuvok held Kathryn's arm, leaning slightly. "Your speech was very moving, Kathryn," he said quietly. Kathryn smiled. "Did you find it moving, or is that just a compliment?" "Both." Tuvok glanced at her. "I have never doubted your ability to speak in public." She chuckled lightly. "I know that." "But I did find that your words were quite... stirring... tonight." "I spoke only the truth." "As did I." "Yes. And while your words were very touching, Tuvok, you said them with that Vulcan stoicism that makes it obvious to the observer that you're more affected by her death than you let on." "I suppose." Kathryn patted his arm gently. "I know you'll be alright. You always seem to be able to recover from these things." "Indeed," Tuvok replied softly. She pursed her lips again. "Tell me something, Tuvok." "Yes?" "When I died... how did it affect you?" Tuvok looked at Kathryn thoughtfully. "I missed you a great deal." Kathryn smiled. She knew what he meant. "Good night, Tuvok." "Good night, Kathryn." She slipped inside, feeling better than she had in a long time. --- Three and a half weeks later, it was raining. The dry fields bent under their new weight. This wasn't a normal storm. It crashed down with an amazing amount of force, and even though it was barely mid-afternoon, the sky was blackened with clouds. The rain filled the ground, filled the air, filled every spare space available. Those peering from inside the rattling farmhouse could barely see the railings of the porch outside. Lighting cut blinding slits across the sky in fanatic intervals, and thunder threatened to rattle the windows from their panes. And it was in this storm that Kathryn Janeway was out riding in. The chocolate brown mare's coat was stained a thick tarrish black by the rain. It snorted as Kathryn forced it across the slick fields. She was riding blind, miserable and lonely. It had been three weeks and more, and she was still left alone. There had been problems, she had been told. Complications. The horse leapt over a low fence that had been invisible to Kathryn. There were always complications. Nothing could ever be simple for them. The horses hooves slid over the slick ground. It whinnied loudly, its breath steaming in the air. Kathryn dug her heels into its side and pressed the animal on. She didn't care if the horse was tired from being driven for so long. She didn't care about anything at the moment. The air hissed around her as it overloaded. A bolt of lightning screamed down, striking the wet earth less than a mile away. The horse screamed in terror, and reared as its feet hit ground again. Kathryn cursed loudly, holding on as best she could. But the horse slid away from her fingers. Kathryn landed heavily on a mat of drenched grasses. The horse bolted. Kathryn stumbled to her feet and swore again. She looked down at her hands, and froze in shock. Her fingers seemed to glow, and as she thought about it there was a strange tingle in her palms. She rubbed her hands over arms, but it did nothing to help. Kathryn heard the horse scream again, and looked up. It had came back towards her, and paused a few yards away. It reared up on its hind legs, legs flailing. She felt the air charge again. And watched in terror as a massive bolt of lightning tore its way from the heavens and came to meet the horse's forehead. The animal screamed for just a moment, and then it seemed to flicker. The horse disappeared in a brilliant flash of light. Kathryn found herself a few minutes later, laying on the ground. She moaned softly. The tingle now coursed through her entire body. She pushed herself to her feet. The horse had completely vanished. A small curl of smoke drifted up from the ground where the lightning had struck. Kathryn carefully checked herself for injuries, but there were none. She squinted and started off in the direction of the farmhouse. She had been walking for several minutes, slipping a few times, when she noticed something. She had to frequently tug at her dress with tingling hands. It had been soaked thorough completely long ago, but it was just now becoming an annoyance. The tingling in her hands didn't dissipate either. But what she noticed was even more unusual. As she came closer to the farmhouse, she noticed someone standing out on the middle step of the porch. That wasn't too unusual, but what did seem odd was the fact that the person didn't seem to be getting wet. Lightning flickered, and Kathryn gasped. --- Like anyone would be I am flattered by your fascination with me Like any hot-blooded woman I have simply wanted an object to crave But you, you're not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight --- Kathryn found herself being drawn closer. She broke into a run, crossing the wet ground quickly. Only a few yards from the porch, she slid to a stop. Kathryn panted, a smile forming itself on to her lips. The person on porch didn't look down, didn't even seem to notice her presence. Her long blonde hair flowed in the wind as she gazed out into the storm. "Seven..." Kathryn called weakly. --- Must be strangely exciting To watch the stoic squirm Must be somewhat hard telling To watch them burn me shepherd But you you're not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight** --- The wind seemed to scream in Kathryn's ears. Lightning flashed behind her. The thunder it caused was so loud that she had to grab her ears. Seven looked like an apparition, barely connected to the porch that she stood on. The dress she wore showed no signs of being touched by the rain that continued to blind Kathryn's vision. But then a smile met Seven's trembling lips, and she looked down. "Kathryn..." --- Like any uncharted territory I must seem greatly intriguing You speak of my love like You have experienced love like mine before But this is not allowed You're uninvited An unfortunate slight --- Seven made her way down the steps quickly, running to Kathryn. She caught her in her arms, and Kathryn gasped. It almost felt like lightning was coming from their fingertips. Seven smiled and pulled Kathryn closer, crushing them together. Tears were streaming down Kathryn's cheeks, invisible in the rain. Seven pressed her lips to Kathryn's, and the bubble around her seemed to burst. The rain poured down on them both, as they hung in a kiss that lasted the eternity between two bursts of lightning. **I don't think you unworthy I need a moment to deliberate.** Then the lightning did come, and something within them seemed to burst.... --- continued in the thirteenth Song of The Bleeding Hearts - 'Your Warmth Upon Me'