The BLTS Archive - A Little Piece of Home
by Sasscat Bu-to-y (fitchett@netaccess.co.nz)

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Disclaimer:  Paramount own the characters, I just write the stories.

(c) Sasscat Bu-to-y 1998

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I thought I was happy with Tom.  I was happy with Tom, for a while,
but we each needed so much more than the other could give.  And after
the mess with my depression, we just... grew apart.  We pretended that
we were still a couple, went through all the motions of loving each
other... but then something happened that changed everything.

Seven bit me.

That wasn't really a problem; Tom's not the jealous type, and even if
he was he'd know better than to worry over a submerged personality
that's never going to appear again.  But me - once I got over my
initial outrage, I couldn't-- can't get it out of my head.

I want to hate her again.  I understood that; it was probably the one
thing in my life I could control.  But now she just confuses the hell
out of me, with her dominating manner and off-kilter sense of humour -
yeah, and a stunning figure, too.  And she doesn't even know how
attractive she is, and that attracts me too.  Yeah, I'm hopeless, and
I hate myself for needing her so badly.

Is it some childhood trauma?  Do I need someone to dominate me, to
tell me I'm imperfect and order me around?  Hell, I've got Janeway for
that, so it can't be the answer.  Damn you, Torres, for choosing the
one person on the entire fucking ship who could never return your
feelings.  Not that anyone else would be interested in me either.

Stupid, stupid bitch.

For an instant I want to go to the holodeck and turn off the safeties
again; let the pain bleed away.  But if I do that I'll never be able
to stop again.  But... *fuck*.  I need her, and she couldn't care
less.

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The End