The BLTS Archive- The Long Voyage Home II by Rrain (cjm@mediageek.ca) --- I suppose I should mention, for the sake of those who may be offended, that this story depicts a bit of romance between two men, but no sex. Every time I try and write a sex scene it comes out corny, so I don't. :) --- It was an autumn day in the park. The grass was still green and the air was pleasant, but the leaves were beginning to turn colour and fall to the ground. There was no one else around. That was the beauty of holodeck programs, you could choose exactly where and when you wanted to be. But you couldn't always choose who you were with. "This is really nice, Harry. Really homey." Kim seemed to hear an edge of sarcasm in Paris' voice, "What's wrong with it? If you didn't want to be here, you didn't have to come." "Wrong with it? Harry, I just said I liked it!" Paris was genuinely surprised, "What are you so paranoid about, Starfleet?" Kim was silent. They kept walking down the half-hidden path until they reached the banks of a stream. "I used to play here," said Harry quietly, "when I was young. When I wanted to be alone to do whatever I wanted, this is where I came." "It's beautiful," breathed Tom, and it was. The area was sheltered by a grove of trees, almost secluded. The stream ran along one side of the clearing, and a blanket of soft green grass covered the rest. "It's probably a lot more idealistic than it really was," admitted Harry, "but this is how I remember it." "I wish I had your memories. The only time I ever found a place that came even close to this, it had a fence around it and I was trapped on the inside. Not quite the same thing." He dared to reach out and touch Harry's shoulder. When he didn't react, he kissed the back of his neck. That made Harry turn around. "Is that why you came here? Is that all you want? Because if it is you can go right back and get it from Nelson. I won't give you another thought." "I'm sorry," said Tom, pulling his hand away, "It's just..." He thought better of making an excuse and changed tracks. "No, that's not all I want. Right now, that's the last of my wants." "Then what do you want, Tom?" "I don't know, exactly. I want to be here. I want to be here with you. Beyond that..." He shrugged. Harry shook his head, "No, that's not a good enough answer anymore. Maybe it was a good enough for that time in engineering or the day in the mess hall, but not here and not now. What is it you're looking for?" "Listen, Harry, can we sit down? This is neither an easy nor a short explanation." Kim looked around before speaking, "Computer, execute program KimA2f-adjunct." The scene around them changed, but not by much. A checkered blanket appeared in the clearing across the bridge, and an old-fashioned picnic basket next to it." "Cute, Harry, " commented Tom without thinking, "Real cute." "Don't you ever stop?" Harry drew even further away from him. "Wait. I'm sorry. Give me another chance." "Another? Exactly how many am I supposed to give you?" This was the most forceful that Tom had ever seen him. "As many as I need to be able to tell you how I feel?" Harry hesitated a moment, then led the way across the bridge to the picnic site, "Another holdover from my childhood," he admitted, "although before, I only had a doll for a companion," he grinned self-consciously. "As long as she was pretty..." "Oh, I guess some people would never way that," he bantered, "She wasn't exactly my type." He looked up at Tom, masking the feelings that he himself had. He wasn't entirely successful, but Tom was still unsure just how to handle him. Was he even really interested? By that time they'd reached the site. Tom immediately lay down on his side on the blanket, but it was more vulnerable than provocative. Harry sat down cross-legged and opened the blanket, "So, you were planning to talk? Any time would be fine." "Harry, I don't really know where I'm supposed to start. You already know I want to be with you." "Do I? And how do you want to be with me? Friends? Lovers? And what about all your conquests on the ship? Did you want to be with them to? Am I the only person left you haven't bedded yet?" "That was different. They were...it was just sex, that was always clear. I want...something more. Something real, Harry. You're real to me. The last thing I want to do is frighten you away, but..." "You're not frightening me, Tom." He was new to the ship, new to Starfleet even, but when it came down to this sort of relationship he was no longer the naive young ensign. "I just don't know how far I can trust you." "Trust me? I thought we were friends." "We are friends, but how well do we really know one another? I don't think you're ready for a relationship." "I'm not ready!? I'll have you know I've had quite a few relationships aboard this ship since..." "All of which, by your own admission, meant nothing to you. If I'm so different then talk to me like a person, not another conquest." "I'm trying, Harry! I'm not good at this. Look at me! I'm acting like a bumbling idiot. Have you ever seen me like this before? Whenever something is truly important to me, I end up blowing it somehow. Why do I do that?" "You tell me." While they had been talking, he had been setting out a meal on the blanket. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, chocolate cake. "It's not nourishing, but it'll taste good," he commented. Tom immediately reached for a piece of chicken. "I want to talk. I do. I guess...I'm the one who's frightened. When we first met there was a physical attraction, but nothing more. Then you became my friend, my only real friend, even knowing what I'd done." "Now we're getting somewhere," said Harry softly, so that Tom could barely hear him. "I began to imagine what it would be like, to be your partner, to have you to come home to. I wouldn't need my 'conquests' as you call them to...to make me feel like I'm worth something. I just wonder, sometimes, if--" "If what?" "If I have anything to give back anymore. I've made too many mistakes in my life already. I don't want anyone else being hurt by them. Sex is sex, but a relationship...that's something else." "You want one, and yet you don't," mused Harry, "Both for very valid reasons. I still don't know what to think." "You still won't give me a chance?" "I want to, Tom, I really do. I was hurt, badly, by a relationship once before. And I have my future to think about, my career. When we get back to the Alpha quadrant, what kind of future could we possibly have?" "We may not get back for 75 years! that's a long time to think about it, and what kind of future is that?" "You're right," admitted Kim. Paris got up and sat behind him, putting his arms around Harry"s shoulders. This time, he did not pull away. "This is not all I want," he whispered close to Harry's ear, "but It's part of what I want. Maybe not now, and maybe not for a long time, but I do want to be your lover." "Not now," repeated Harry, turning his head to face Tom, "but it may not be so very long...depending..." Harry felt his resistance breaking down. Tom seemed sincere, and Harry had been very lonely for a long time. If things worked between them... Tom leaned forward and kissed Harry on the lips. It was relatively chaste at first, but given the depth of both their feelings it did not remain that way for long. Harry managed to stop things before they got out of hand. "Not so fast," he said, a little out of breath, "I need time to think about all this. It's so..." sudden was the wrong word, but it was all he could think of, "And you need time as well. I don't take things like this lightly. I need someone who can commit to me. If you can't do that then this ends here and now." "I'll try my best, Harry, but old habits die hard. You're special, though. I will try." Harry hesitated, "I know that's all you can do, Tom. I'm...I'm willing to give this a try then." --- The End