The BLTS Archive- Dreams vs. Reality
by Riss (usc_mam@yahoo.com)

---

WARNING - Character death.

Disclaimer - Star Trek Voyager, and all the Characters
created on that show belong to Paramount.  I'm just a humble
fanfic writer borrowing them for fun. I promise to return
them unharmed, well, maybe just a little angst.

Archive to ASC and Jupiter Station  and send to BLTS.

Thanks to my beta readers JMonroe, JanD and Nancy.  They get
a lot of credit for wading though my 'wonderful' grammar.

---

Kathryn entered her quarters and immediately went to sit
down on the couch. She just sat back an closed her eyes,
trying to relax after an excruciating day.  It had been a
long day on the bridge as well as helping out in
engineering. Actually, she had expected to be in engineering
all night, but she made it home a little early.

She almost jumped when a pair of long arms slipped around
behind her, moving to massage her shoulders.  Without
opening her eyes she turned a little on the couch to allow
them better access.  For a moment the strong hands worked at
her tense muscles, relaxing away the day

"You made it home.  I thought I would be spending another
night alone." The voice was a gentle tenor which seemed to
echo through her heart. "I couldn't stay away from you
again."

"I'm glad."  He punctuated the statement with a gentle kiss
to the base of Kathryn's neck.  He followed up by tracing up
toward her sensitive ear with more kisses.  Not wanting to
wait any longer, she turned her head and captured his mouth
in her own.

After a long, satisfying kiss, she finally opened her eyes
and looked at the man behind her.  Her breath caught; the
only thing she could see was his beautiful blue eyes,
staring back into her soul.  After a moment, she pulled back
and was finally able to look at the face of her lover, Tom
Paris.

They didn't keep their eyes open too long, preferring to
return to their kissing.  Gently, Tom turned her body around
until she was facing him. Then he gathered her in his arms
and slowly laid her back on the couch. Her hands started
roaming his body.  Needing to feel his skin, she quickly
started to unbutton the blue silk shirt he was wearing.  His
own hands mimicked her actions, starting to remove her
uniform.

---

The blaring of the red alert sirens quickly woke Captain
Janeway out of her sensual dream.  Immediately, Chakotay's
voice came over the conn. "Chakotay to Janeway."

Shaking off the last remnants of her dream, she answered
him. "What's going on?"  At the same time she jumped out of
bed and started pulling on her uniform. Chakotay just gave
her the barest facts.  He knew she was on the way.

"An unknown ship has appeared."

"I'm on my way. Janeway out."

Kathryn was not happy with herself as she pulled on her
clothes.  Not only were the dreams not stopping, but each
night they grew more and more detailed, only the blaring
sirens had kept it from going into erotic details. Not
usually one to talk aloud to herself, she made an exception
this time. Maybe she needed to hear it in order to stop
thinking and dreaming about her helmsman. "You will stop
with this crush, Kathryn!  He is quite happy with B'Elanna
and doesn't care about you.  Dreaming about him is bad
enough, but you will not look at the back of his head while
on the bridge and think of how much you want to..."

"STOP!" By now she had the majority of her uniform on.  A
quick stop in the bathroom and her short hair was in order. 
She hurried out of her quarters towards the bridge, pulling
her uniform jacket on over her turtleneck as she headed for
the turbolift.

The trip to the bridge was spent banishing the last thought
of her dream of Tom out of her mind and focusing on the
coming crisis.  This was her ship and crew. She needed to
focus on all their safety, not just that of a certain tall,
blue eyed... "Damn."

Luckily the door to the bridge waited till after she said
that to open. As she stepped onto the bridge, her Captain's
face descended. Any thoughts not having to do with surviving
whatever crisis had hit were now banished.

Most of the bridge crew were already at their stations. 
Chakotay quickly relinquished the Captain's chair.  Without
even waiting for her to ask the question, he quickly gave a
status report.  "Captain, an unknown ship dropped out of
warp a quarter light year away.  They immediately raised
shields and powered weapons.  All attempts to hail them have
gone unanswered."

Janeway, despite the rude awakening, was wide awake now. 
"Have the survey and food gathering teams been recalled from
the planet?"

Ensign Kim jumped in with the answer.  "All teams are aboard
Voyager. And if I may have one more minute-"  Harry paused
for a moment as he carefully watched the readings on his
console.  "All the supplies are now aboard as well.  We can
raise shields now."

Janeway acknowledged Harry's report with a nod and turned
towards Tuvok. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tom
enter the bridge and head to his station. Kathryn was happy
 he was here near her. However, as she always did during
a crisis, the Captain blocked out all feelings and emotions
except the will to survive.  "Shields up. What are the
capabilities of that ship?"

Tuvok had already anticipated the question.  "The ship is
approximately the same size as Voyager.  It has phasers and
torpedoes comparable to Voyager.  I am detecting a slight
phase variance in their weapons systems which might allow
them to penetrate our shields."

Janeway's only reaction to Tuvok's statement was to ask
another question. "Can we outrun them?"

"Their warp drive appears to be capable of only warp nine
point five." Tuvok's voice, as always, was devoid of emotion
which might have colored other's voices at the idea of
retreating.

Janeway took only a moment to consider their position before
issuing her orders. "Mr. Paris, prepare to engage in evasive
maneuvers and accelerate to warp nine point six.  Mr. Tuvok,
open a channel to that ship."

"Channel open."

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship
Voyager." In the few seconds of silence before the other
ship could respond, the thought entered her mind about using
her whole name.  At times it seems as if she actually had
two personalities, emotional and intellectual. Ever since
she first fell for Tom, she realized she never would be whole
on Voyager. However, as quickly as Kathryn's emotional side
broke free, the Captain's intellectual side clamped down even
harder, stifling further thoughts on the matter.

A very angry looking man appeared on the viewscreen.  For a
moment, the bridge crew thought that the Kazon had caught up
with them. However, this alien's hair seemed to be reacting
as a feline, standing in anger, rather than a natural style.
Also, his wild hair was a uniform dark brown.  And
unfortunately, while the Kazon were primitive compared to
Voyager, this ship was an even match. The alien stopped
glowering only long enough to spit out a few harshly spoken
words at Voyager.  "I am Takik of the Antak Alliance.  You
have invaded our territory and stolen our resources.  Return
them immediately or be destroyed."

"We were unaware that there was a claim on this territory.
Perhaps..."

Janeway was cut off by Takik, his voice echoed through the
bridge, "Ignorance is no excuse.  Comply immediately!"

Making one last effort to avoid a conflict, she spoke again.
"Can we make a trade to avoid a conflict between our
people?" Takik's answer was to gesture off screen.  Abruptly
the channel between the ships was cut off.

It was Tuvok who verbalized Takik's response.  "They are
powering weapons."

"Tom..." Janeway did not get a chance to finish her
sentence.  Tom assumed that she was about to order him into
evasive maneuvers.  He sent the ship into a sharp starboard
turn which the inertial dampers failed to compensate for.
Janeway managed to grab onto the railing and remain upright.
The remaining bridge crew had already braced themselves,
avoiding the inevitable embarrassment Tom's evasive
maneuvers normally caused.  Tom's maneuver worked, as the
phaser fire from the other ship only grazed their port
shields rather then hitting Voyager full on.

Janeway was not able to keep her dirty look for tossing her
around on Tom for long.  "Continue evasive maneuvers, Tom,
but give us a little warning!" Even though Tom was
concentrating on his controls, Kathryn knew that a grin had
appeared.  Janeway returned to her chair, so as to avoid
further embarrassment.

"Janeway to engineering."

"Torres here.  Whatever just hit us is wreaking havoc down
here."

"Can we go to warp?"  Slight lines of tension started to
appear on the Captain's face as thee thought that their only
escape route might have been cut off.

"I can give you warp six."

Janeway was not happy with the reply.  Good thing B'Elanna
was down in engineering.  The look on Janeway's face would
have insulted even the half-Klingon's honor.  "I need nine
point six."

B'Elanna heard the tension in Janeway's voice, and even as
she replied, got to work fixing the warp drive.  "I need two
minutes at impulse to reroute some relays."

"As soon as possible.  Janeway out."

She looked around the bridge, then began issuing additional
orders. "Tuvok, return fire.  Tom, continue evasive
maneuvers.  Harry, try modulating our shields to repel their
fire." Quickly responding to Janeway's orders, Tom took
Voyager through maneuvers that even tiny shuttle craft
weren't designed to do.  The maneuvers almost worked
perfectly, only one hit actually landed on Voyager.  But one
hit was more than enough.

"Doctor to Bridge."

"Janeway here.  We're pretty busy up here right now." 
Janeway really didn't need the distraction of the Doctor
right now.

The Doctor didn't sound very happy himself.  "So am I.  I
need Mr. Paris down here."

"I'll send him when I can.  Right now I need him piloting
the ship. Janeway out."

Tuvok's phaser fire hit the other ship's shields, but didn't
appear to do any substantial damage. Two minutes since the
fight began, and countless uncompensated turns later, a
second comm line was opened to the bridge.

"Vorik to bridge."

"Janeway here.  Have you made progress."

For once a Vulcan was quick and to the point.  "Warp engines
are available."

This time Janeway didn't bother trying to say more than one
word, "Tom." As soon as they went into warp, she stood and
went to stand behind Tom at the conn to see for herself that
they were at warp nine point six. She clasped her hands
behind her back, rather than her normal hand on his
shoulder, since it was still crisis time.

As soon as he was sure that they wouldn't drop out of warp
due to engine problems, he turned back toward Janeway with a
question written on his expression.  Janeway didn't make him
wait long, "Chakotay take the helm. Tom, go down and assist
the Doctor in sickbay."

As soon as the turbolift doors shut, yet another comm line
was opened to the bridge.  "Doctor to Janeway."

Janeway  answered as she headed towards her seat, ignoring
the fact he had asked only to talk with her not his normal
general call to the bridge.  "Tom's on his way down
already."

The Doctor ignored her words and continued with much grimmer
ones of his own. Despite his being a hologram, everyone
could hear the pain in his voice.  "A number of relays
overloaded in engineering.  There are a multitude of
injuries. Crewman Gennaro and Lieutenant Torres are dead."

Everyone on the bridge, except Tuvok were frozen in a state
of shock. The only sound for a full thirty seconds was a
gasp of surprise and pain from Harry. Tuvok answered the
Doctor, since Janeway was incapable of speaking.
"Understood. Bridge out."

Chakotay's face was a hard mask.  All his concentration was
on the controls, blocking out his emotions until there was
time to grieve. Harry seemed to be seconds away from falling
apart.  You could see the tension on his face, trying to
ignore the tears he could not hold back. Tuvok, though he
would never admit to feeling pain at the loss, was not
working as efficiently as he was capable of.

Captain Kathryn Janeway was taking it worse than the other
officers on the bridge.  It was very lucky that she had been
just about to sit down when the Doctor's call came, since
her knees gave way as soon as Tuvok stopped speaking. She
fell into her chair and just stared out into space.  The
battle she had waged just a few minutes earlier between
Kathryn and the Captain returned in full force.  The Captain
wanted to grieve for her fallen officer and the fact they
would need to get home without her.  Kathryn, however, was
absolutely guilt ridden. She wanted him so bad, and now his
lover was dead.  She had dreamed of this day and now he was
alone, but she was to blame.

The stotic Captain won out, barely.  She remained on the
bridge and marginally aware of the events around her.  She
listened to the damage reports and ended up working on some
of the engineering reroutes herself from the bridge station.
Though as soon as an extra engineer arrived, she returned to
the comfort of her chair.  However, the entire time she kept
hearing a guilty voice in her head. "You did it. You wanted
it to happen.  You killed her!"

Now that the ship was out of danger, Chakotay relinquished
the helm to a junior officer.  As he turned around to return
to his own chair, he caught his first glimpse of Janeway's
face since the Doctor made his announcement. The look of
pain which resided there almost tore through his control.

To ease the ache now starting to invade his mind at his
friend's discomfort, he looked around the bridge.  Harry,
despite the tears that still streamed down his face, punched
dismally at his console.  He ignored his pain, doing the job
he was trained for.  Tuvok also manned his post, though an
un-Vulcan like look rested on his features.  If Chakotay
didn't know the depths of Tuvok's emotional control, he
would have thought it a sad look.  The rest of the bridge
crew also teetered on the brink of control.  The miracle
worker of the engine room was gone and their return home was
less certain than ever before.

Another glance at Janeway, staring at Tom's chair, made him
wonder for a second where the helmsman was.  As he realized
that Tom was in Sickbay and that Janeway was in no condition
to issue orders, Chakotay took charge. Distractions were
definitely in order.  "Ensign Kim, report to Sickbay and
assist the Doctor in any way possible."  Though he didn't
spell it out, he figured that Harry would get the message to
help Tom. Plus, helping his friend cope would also help him.
"Mr. Tuvok, attempt to increase the scope of long range
sensors.  I want lots of warning if we have company."
Distracting the Vulcan from the tragedy would give him a
chance to strengthen his control over his emotions.

Now came the hard part.  Chakotay returned to his seat next
to Janeway, never taking his eyes off her haunted face. 
Quietly, he tried to distract her. "Captain."  Not even a
twitch from her. Gently, so as not to frighten her too much,
he put his hand on her arm and tried to capture her
attention once again. "Kathryn."

Slowly, she seemed to return to the real world.  A tiny
smile appeared for a moment at the use of her first name.
Then her brain finally processed that it was Chakotay, not
Tom who spoke.  The smile which almost had been vanished
from Kathryn's face, replaced by despair.

For a moment she looked at Chakotay, trying to decide if she
should get mad at him for using her first name on the
bridge.  The only person she really wanted to hear that name
from was Tom.

With the reentrance of Tom into her mind, the events of the
last hour, from her dreams to the reality of the moment,
returned.  B'Elanna Torres was dead. She had just lost a
friend and the best engineer she could ever hope for. Tom
was going to be devastated.  All she needed to do was
support him through his problems and he would fall in love
with her.

Chakotay watched as first anger, then sadness, and finally
hope passed across Janeway's features.  However, before he
could even begin to contemplate the cause of her hope, she
jumped out of her chair, guilt and embarrassment coloring
her features.

She quickly looked around the bridge, noting both Tom and
Harry's absence. Remembering Chakotay's order, she realized
that Harry had gone to comfort Tom. It was probably better
that way.  B'Elanna's two best friends needed to be
together.  She would just catch him later.

She took a slow circuit of the bridge, using the time to
regain her composure. After examining every console and
looking over everyone's shoulder, she returned to the
command area of the bridge.  Still not ready to handle
looking at the helm, she faced Chakotay and began a painful,
but necessary conversation. "We need to organize a memorial
service for them."

Chakotay had anticipated the question.	"I think we should
have two services. Now that B'Elanna has found some peace
with her Klingon side, I think she would appreciate it if we
honored those traditions as well."

Her Captain's mask didn't even flicker; her emotions were
locked away. "If you could coordinate that service with
Lieutenant Paris.  I believe Ensign Brooks would like to
help plan the service for Crewman Gennaro. In fact, if you
could go meet with her now, she probably needs a friend to
talk with."

A look of surprise crossed Chakotay's features.  He would
have thought that she would give command to him and try to
sort out her own feelings. "Are you sure, Captain?  I would
prefer to remain on the bridge."

"We outran the Antak.  I can handle things here." The
Captain look started to come into Janeway's eyes and
Chakotay knew better than to question her orders.  With one
last glance at Janeway, Chakotay reluctantly left the
bridge.  She was deeply hurt by this loss, but right now she
did not want his help.  He just hoped that she wouldn't take
too long.  He knew she needed to share her grief with
someone.

As Chakotay left the bridge, Janeway was not watching him. 
Instead, her eyes lay on her oldest friend on Voyager.  The
one she was concerned about knowing her true feelings.  He
knew when she had a crush on Chakotay, and she was pretty
sure he knew she was in love with someone else.  Looking at
him now as he monitored controls at his station, she tried
to figure out what he thought.

As if reading her mind, Tuvok looked up and delivered a
status report. "All departments have reported only minor
damage.  Medical logs report no further casualties.  Perhaps
you would like to visit the Doctor for a complete report."

He knew.  Kathryn was overjoyed since his suggestion to go
where Tom was meant that he didn't disapprove.  However,
now was not the time to celebrate. She was the captain and
responsible for the safety of this crew.  Her place right
now was on the bridge.  She needed to think. Guilt, elation,
fear, and loathing threatened to consume her. No, she would
stay here and do her job. "Perhaps after my shift, when
things have calmed down."

Tuvok simply nodded at her.  For a species which buries
their feelings deeply, Tuvok was very perceptive of her own
feelings.  Despite his disinterested manner, he knew she
couldn't see Tom right now.  With the attitude on the bridge
approaching normal, Janeway settled back in her chair. The
only battle left to be fought was being waged inside her
mind.  Guilt and hope fought for her soul.

---

The End